Joe Rogan Experience #2205 — Legion of Skanks Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience service that takes guys all the, I figured you guys were already here. He didn't let us. Summer doesn't end in Texas. but Texas doesn't have like, you know, trucks. to get at one time to go to Dallas for a gig, Like go, you know fucking one in a thousand one in a hundred thousand chance that those fucking things aren't gonna go up

3:11 All the engines you know if you know the engines it nose dives directly to the girl that why it was such a deal the cunt lips thunder tits they always got stupid names how weird is it that it's an argument whether or not drag We did a thing called Legion of Sketch in that moment, it's like what their whole thing like very flamboyant women. You would say, hey, this is fine to do that.

6:07 ZipRecruiter does most of the work for you to make hiring more manageable. ziprecruiter.com slash rogan. It's like something you should be kind of concerned about if it was a stripper reading books to a kid Have them read to kids. How do kids I was uh, I was on one of those apps to hire a babysitter recently. when you're just judging a person off their face over whether they're gonna watch your kids

9:12 To read stories to kids would that be cool who would be cool with that? No, no, absolutely, but I mean the idea that like I'm not like even I said post Teacher 30 years ago people like what the fuck is this guy doing okay? It's just a little odd You've given up on this libertarian stuff Yeah, they were mad when Trump came this year, but aside from that, they don't really.

11:54 Dave speaking at the thing was the funniest I mean just the only watch like a little bit of it. So I went I they kicked me out of backstage he goes, I fired Comey, and one of the libertarians goes, The Trump campaign, right? Yeah, it was it was after that You could also be like admitting the ridiculousness of it yourself. saying I read you know Because it's kind of an admission like I'm not there

14:42 Russian piss want to relinquish it. That's human beings though man now imagine that but with no showbiz a religion, and then like years later, he said when his friends he told that to hit everything They brought me into this weird thing. They tried to sell me a book They have the street team job for it's the lowest level lowest level job like, I think I know what the fuck is going on.

18:34 Like it fucking works, man. Do you believe like in a higher power no, no,, I don't not believe I believe that's what And it's enhanced by friendship and love and communication. And it's weird there's a thing going on that's beyond just like you're born and you die and And then you fuck one this night and then the other. Yeah, God spoke to this guy and you're like when like five thousand years ago you're all right fine

21:24 Jesus yeah sure Well, it's but you don't say like also years ago like no one considers the idea of works of fiction Yeah, but it can't be all Colosseum-ing. I'm sucking with like, I don't know, a magical school. And I'm reading a book about magic. Come see Jesus Christ live at the Rio. But but you can't name your son your American son Jesus. It's gonna raise a few eyebrows if you bring baby Jesus

24:32 So Bobby Green just got his name changed to King. Okay, here it is. What is the third you can't be the Roman numeral three? No, yours can't be used can't be names due to potential confusion I could never imagine like building the foundation as like a young It's like calling him chat just sets him up to be I heard the reviews are not good. That's probably why you like

28:47 Well, I believe all the bullshit I read right away Yeah. Shoplifting yeah, that was the most bizarre thing ever she was like you could have got her Thought I could get away with it. You know we were fucking young kids walking around You can't be in here unless you're gonna blow up just clear out all the change in the I took a few I just watch I think every one of these stories is gonna end with Jay being

32:30 That's mud and No, I don't know what they're doing. I think they're just getting crazy. I don't know But they just fuck this cop's car up, dude Be such a wild panic knowing you only have 12 bullets What's called the Greek picnic which is all the black fraternities? You're right. and got stuck behind this. Jesus. Yeah, they're stolen cars. and your mom's a cunt, and she does math,

36:49 if your dad's an alcoholic who just beats the shit out of you and just talk robbing a guy Yeah, it's pretty nuts is it even illegal Really? They're like oh you could send us a Zell and she was like sure and then they got her to give them their phone You get people going wild in the streets, dude. It's a very scary Scallion 55 no probably night probably dies under a doughnut

40:03 Never when I was a kid there was none of that no one ever blocked the street did doughnuts Stealing the cars is probably more of a newer thing The what rap rap is fun. I know I love tons of rap That's whatever that was is terrible well that also you didn't really sell it like if I was at an audition Some of the fucking 90s stuff still holds up man. Oh, yeah, most of it does

42:41 You don't see those ones happen anymore. Well those beefs they would go to actual shooting each other It's yeah that they funded it and promoted it because they wanted to fill prisons. That's the wildest From being like the KRS one kind of like it It gets you hyped up. Yeah, you just want the impression. He was so great. I mean like I think that doc guy probably wrote a bit too

45:43 Can I tell you that one of my favorite lyrics that never struck out to me or stood out to me when I was younger? My god coincidence. It's all right in front of us Like he can say the wildest shit cuz he just he looks different and you're like, ah, let him say it So funny this was like hard in the 80s. Yeah, I know damn ho I know but like the the flow of it doesn't seem anymore

48:56 You don't just get there because you won the lottery. How long he died it was a few years back he wasn't that old you know he had a lot of health problems What year was it? When you're real, it tastes like glad to be the man's child. But it's much more. It's much softer energy than you ever thought a scarface. Oh, yeah eighties and nineties I am. J.J. also. but he was real young back then

52:40 Ain't about that fuck shit throwing stuff man We did it 15 years ago when we were just so young comedy and we didn't know what it was So they pick you up in a van, it's the scariest thing ever, He's like, Jay's like, just go up there and do jokes. I was just like they want me to do a show. So they were with me on gig. I'm like common. We'll do this one and you guys go on so

54:56 So I gave back you and that kind of like you can wrap it up, dude I went one jug of bro, and then they just booed and someone yelled I respect the Juggalos more than the Mormons. Like I thought I was gonna hate it, but every song it rules. It's just about clowns killing people having like a whole festival. In fact, I'll say it now because it's too late for people to even go but our secret guess is the insane clown posse on Thursday night

57:39 Yeah, and I feel like now I don't know maybe I'm wrong You guys did a wise thing too though because you were subscription based. But now more than ever a platform that we have like we have is more important than ever because now YouTube is super strict with but there's a whole bunch of other ones, but no one. Yeah, because they can't be. Endlessly entertained and it encourages you to keep looking at other stuff keep showing you other stuff constantly

1:00:50 All I know is YouTube thinks I wanna see Ben Shapiro They've never been on camera ever and you give them a microphone You're like, housing her. Not only that, but then that girl now is internet famous. You destroy it's like Where he would do outside shows he would just throw a hat down I did the Montreal Comedy Festival with him and I met him in like

1:04:13 and Charlie Barnett was like a famous New York comic Charlie Barney was in DC cab, right? the early influence of Tony would Tony would oh yeah for sure but Tony would Like Nate Barghetti is very like that like when you watch him Which is like that's by design though because you're lazy. I said I was very lazy I was I'm gonna say all this kind of crazy shit like when I'm dead over there

1:06:48 Directs fingerpoint, you know what I'm talking about Before me like the rest of earth She said I saw on stage the seller once and it was about her and her boyfriend It's like look I either got to get funny or do donuts in the streets of Philadelphia. It's easier to get funny The best was early in it, like in March and April, You think they'll look back at this time and be like this is the fall of Rome

1:10:41 It would have all just been without the internet. They would have pulled that off so much easier they would have scared the shit out of you more people have died. Did we get her? Yeah? She's gum disease Dogs don't give a shit what anything smells like, Vacant lots were filled with the waste. of the internal combustion engine Grandfather to save enough money to get an apartment when I first to New York, I didn't have enough money for an apartment.

1:13:43 and just like get money out of all these houses. And my grandfather was, it was like a real estate scam. And then they would try to sell to black people and just get money out of all these houses. I was the black person five minutes ago. But you know that's like that's not that long ago man And then there was redlining where like they wouldn't sell to black people outside certain lines like that was a Baltimore issue, too

1:15:31 Stereo, and she would just be like oh, they're nice Because I was getting picked on by white kids in the neighborhood because it was like a white trash neighborhood And I was only the only brown kid and my grandma was like you know it's not his fault that he's the he's an n-word Have you guys seen that Matt Walsh movie? Am I racist? Which is crazy, dude, it's got no press, no press reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, but customer

1:17:09 He's just showing how nutty all these fucking people on these struggle sessions with white people Take off and become a top ten movie in the country. It's pretty wild and no press reviews at all was nuts he just went up to these in the first one that I did say he just went up to these gender experts and just kept while recognizing that Harry probably can't get pregnant.

1:19:33 Where that was? I just wanted to fit in with somebody. You're a big lady man, you're scary Lee yeah if I decided That doesn't mean no. They're gonna be able to decide What does this say below that according to Adam Tompkins a law professor and former conservative MSP? considered abusive or whatever it's all the interpretation like what is that you Fuck you. I'm a woman. You're a fucking man and if you're getting in one of those exchanges. What's that then?

1:23:43 actually them that's a good balance because you're putting yourself in you're a man, so I'm afraid you might beat my ass so I didn't actually That's a good balance because you're putting yourself in you're not saying you'd I'd be your I'm gonna get fucked up they're doing it, I'm like, well now I wanna see Didn't New York City didn't they free the nipple we can walk around so yeah, you ever see it

1:25:08 Remember James was just fucking keyed in on this girl's tits and I was like, hey, what are you doing? He was like I think one of the first things we came out of the water our dicks were so small I think it's a migration thing. at one point or whatever, I think it's as soon as we started moving to with animal skins to stay warm. The big dick was a sign

1:28:03 Just like the same people that are tricking people into thinking your cat can be non-binary Jesus what is that from? Clearly a heil hitler to me, bro. Is it the one the white one? Yeah that one right there click all that bro Yeah, that was he was getting ready to give a fucking strong one look the guys got a giant heart on he's very excited Sometimes his dick is reasonable

1:31:17 It's hilarious it makes them uncomfortable. I don't like it at all and taking a little bouncy dick walk to a shower Yeah, it's awesome. And this is this out. This is how crazy because he identifies as a teenage girl, This person's competing in a 16 and older you see you this Mooney point there's also we you should be allowed to say that some things are weird and crazy

1:33:51 is competing against females while being biologically male. But I might fuck it up, but I think that's okay either way. He's gonna check There's also real perverts. I'm pretty good at calling damn J. Trance girls girls It's something the internet is such a bad place for it because it get everyone has such balls Yeah, the one I kept that was the famous one right? I was like, it's ma'am

1:36:47 It was one of the very few points I don't know why, that never dawned on me before. You literally, there's a reason why Title IX was invented. You're in lane for your competing against Mark and Steve look I know I'm not a woman, I know I'm a man. No, I think she's gone through the whole thing Last week is a whore or like a like a womanizer goes there is a lot and when I say a lot I think there's

1:40:29 He's even too much for Steve. Oh, I think he thought it was dangerous. Yeah, it was retarded I tend to agree with you That the trans people face in a pretty heartbreaking way, which made him realize, wow, maybe it's can really get out of it by doing making a nice speech like that's pretty great out of a motorcycle riders who were checking me out The handsome fella?

1:43:00 But that's a painting, isn't it? You know what little holes piss out a little piss hole just a little fucking band-aid over it for the most I saw plenty of those videos where guys just chopped the head of their dicks off with knives An enthusiastic young lady might get a little bobbly on the top, and let it slip a little, But I mean obviously nothing no real in she have been with that. Heil Hitler dude before

1:45:38 Wish my what a terrible way to break your dick too. I wish my dick was big enough to break Eric sort of explained to him the things and he's like, do you understand how to read this? the um, the um, fontugellis, there was words that I don't think they were things. Maybe linchpin so this thing that he created it's like these Like you came up with this?

1:48:14 What's the utility for it? And he's got like some crazy amount of patents man the dude has like what is it 90 something patents he has He's crazy smart he's just Episode the next one were we want more Terrence Howard From the Sun where it can develop life and then that life evolves as quickly as it can because it's gonna eventually We are fucked we have to figure out artificial environments. We have to figure out interstellar travel

1:51:54 It's simple too cool He's got a good point about this. You're like wait seriously. Yeah nailing it all right You're not making a living like you're not an act. You're not getting paid Boyan slot he was like 19 when he invented this invented this gigantic skimmer Within the next decade or so. It's incredible. It's not but it's not so the fucking thing

1:54:35 There's usually something hot under there. It's usually the kind of gals that are willing to throw paint on Clean up the thing. I was watching this thing on Singapore and how well Singapore recycles. It's incredible That our recycling is all every time I put stuff into my recycling Reutilizing it and using it to like fill streets and and pave roads and build things and they're using all of it

1:57:19 So they used to have a big trash problem apparently and that's what led them to this insane It's like, it's really insanely efficient. to collect all the plastic, And then some genius will figure it out Can sanitation be one of the last mafia run businesses? and reuse it. And it actually works as an asset and a commodity. It's basically the modern version of what it was like to live in a city with horses shit in the streets

2:00:10 It's supposed to be metal water. I think initially they had this idea Which is the fucking worst like why you making me separate garbage if you just get it And then we had a kit and they were like alright I think it just makes you think about it like every time You know you think they have them where they don't there's no THC in them at all and you make

2:03:26 Like that 100% it was William Randolph first right he was the reefer madness guy along with Harry Anselinger It's sort of an oddity that was always like a hip sure like if you could find like even what he has spider silk earlier today as we're talking about like materials They were getting the silk out of these spiders, and they made this like big fucking gown with it

2:05:53 This right now it's theoretical Technology can't afford bulletproof like turtles See I won him at a carnival, but think of all the animals that are so vulnerable and this one motherfucker goes Jason Bourne, world's proof skin. Inspiration for this project. So the silk was so strong that the arrows would just go That's crazy. They had to have some type of thick silk even for arrows back then

2:09:18 because they were pulling with the right arm That would suck to put all that effort into pulling the bow There is however little historical basis to this. What is it the silk shirt claim? Oh? But is there any historical depictions of silk stopping arrows? So it's like, yeah, under the armor with silk. So they do these like medieval fights like it's almost like MMA and like medieval gear.

2:12:03 where those guys beat the fuck out of each Other yeah, dude don't do that Motherfucking II you can pretend that I know but if I went to this I would go home and I go I can't believe there's only Thank you everybody you also have to take into your performing for you They fed him to a dragon afterwards. I mean that could drag that like that could kill somebody like that

2:14:52 Well, that's there's no way that's I would do that over powerslap any day of the week Oh, yeah, and those guys would have they would give the two guys nun chucks days the Pia the people that were trying to get on That, they said it had to be whittled down, It takes... that was trying to get AIDS. It's based on a real story these gentlemen actually did do this and they didn't find their body

2:18:22 What's the mountain? Face down on the rock frozen, and they don't touch the see if you can find the image the images And I'm gonna come back down I'm gonna jerk off on its back I can't believe how many people agree to like do like death sentences Which a lot of people have a desire to do and it's also bragging right for a lot of dickheads I'm the same unnecessary risk,

2:21:28 I was sitting in traffic and I'm just watching cars or motorcycles zip between me and I was like dude Three says you got some new ideas for the show. It's all but it's all way behind Stuff is a Kutram onto the table is very different than ours. or stuff like that. It does it's kind of look like a walrus dick now that you mentioned that was pulled out of the permafrost in

2:23:47 Oh, we're having fun, boys. What kind of bone is it? That's what they look like that's a giant and that's an actual walrus his cock. Yeah, that's why they're always hailing Hitler It's what it looks like they said probably much could have been that nah We're everywhere one every fucking part of the country every part of the world some primates do have one

2:26:31 We would never figure out cities well it said chimps have them which are supposed to be our closest I think for primates in Real so you're fucking probably just because it's like so crazy Bear dick with it when the night's open shirt. That's what happened. We went we were like I don't need the dick bone I want to figure out space travel you can't I like to think I can't break if a girl gets crazy the CEO of Viagra like as this podcast is out is in a room

2:29:36 Because you get me animals. Okay. All right, I get it. Yeah, and so there's a madness cannibal gangs in the streets You're like, that was my third wife, by the way. That's a scarier animal way scarier. That is a huge alligator big ass. That is a massive their fucking pythons. Pythons. I might actually be a different kind of crocodile it might be in the Amazon

2:31:41 killed in the And there's no mammals left like 90% of the mammals in the Everglades are gone the crocodiles just fuck me Don't know how my algorithm got this but it was like if you ever get attacked by it must have been a crock-it-up My friend Jim shock he got sent to Africa to hunt them and he went to Africa and shot these crocodiles. And wait don't uh don't lions do that shit in Africa to like they really hunt humans

2:35:03 Right well they think it's a safe place to land. It's even more despicable But you got to be careful. You don't eat buckshot that that's a real issue Can you? and those are the least appetizing. They don't go down and eat the muck, but I've had diver duck that was really well prepared by a chef after this well I mean if you came from a country where there's no food and all

2:37:55 Peking duck is the most popular duck to eat Peking duck meat is known for its mild satisfying flavor easily adapts a number of cuisines we went deep-sea fishing and there's like certain fish that like they eat or I guess the bigger the fish were like the but if you catch them over there, you can't keep them. The fish right there on the boat, but what he was doing was uh when you pull them up very fast

2:39:43 So they just let the air out of a a balloon and then the fish start moving again but that's a I mean So, I don't know. There's only one person who's gonna. Whoa, let me see that motherfucker. if you were a little kid, if like you were a four-year-old kid and you went diving, free diving near that It's a little ducky move it across the water. It's very effective for it muskies like the fuck-up ducks

2:42:44 And all kinds of things and if you you want to catch them you have to have a big ass lure You take this out cocksucker oh, I thought that was it What and there is like oh yeah mousetrap good job, and it's not like that's a humane way to kill him you can You guys see that Netflix documentary rats no Bullshit estimate this is the estimate that there are approximately three million rats in New York City

2:45:35 there's no good measurement of how many rats are yeah there's not like a guy What a problem that is rats will go inside you if you leave your car like sit for days at a time Any expert has debunked. They're full of fucking rats didn't say after that Jamie someone said it's one-to-one. What does it say? was after but Our superintendent came out and he was like what's going on and then they all we saw him like landing on his shoulder he was freaking out and then we went

2:48:52 I mean I'm talking when I was saying like it wasn't you couldn't take a step and not be stepping on like the carcasses of Can't get rid of the rats either. It's not like anyone's incompetent. It's too deep. You would have to move out Puerto Rican, you know, what are the things that was like a big problem in New York last summer They're like a little red. They're almost kind of pretty looking until there's a bunch of them and they

2:51:22 Saving like tens of thousands of them all over there If you have no screen on your window if you open a window and you're there will be hundred of them in a room Oh my god, it's so disgusting It's like here's New York's five-year plan to get rid of the lantern flies and the next articles like no Maybe they can vaccinate us that way And then you'd hit the screen and they kind of fly off

2:53:33 People like bugs are weird. So I went home with a girl years ago from a diner. I had a buddy who hooked up with this girl and she had a crocodile monitor. Chimps they they want to keep these chimps and raise them this lady this fucking chimp attacked her friend tore her face off Educational mm-hmm it wasn't he opened the Mcnuggets then they throw him she goes oh and

2:56:22 I'm like listen to things to she could say grab that paper They love Kool-Aid like easy Just out of nowhere. I'm thinking of the one When someone has to scream though like the name they give like chimpanzees and stuff like mr. Mee asking me why bugs are running away from her. It's totally fine they have to like all kind of jump in front of the monkey like yeah over

2:59:41 That's what's really nuts. They don't they won't kill people They don't kill people there's very few instances of chimpanzees killing people Yeah, they torture them to death got him alive and he's just eating them It's like on the next thing no highs no lows Once they run out of rats what they won't well and we heard, I believe, coyotes attacking a dog.

3:02:56 So they were going after thing they were accustomed to going after things larger than them Yeah, there's really yeah, New Jersey New Jersey got a lot of bears. Yeah, we got a lot of crazy wild mountains Christian Bale KCF like Willem Dafoe. Oh really and will it Woody Harrelson played the character of like those like mountain people They think of Philly and Pittsburgh and shit, but most of Pennsylvania is not they're not producing Jay Okersons out there

3:05:30 Like if you're if you're in kind of nowhere, but there's a half-hour bus it's like, I don't know, we got an Arby's, He doesn't stop I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette. I'm gonna let's wrap this up pop out like three and a half hours in Yeah, we're just pumped. Thank you. Get your liver detox pills ready fucking animals. Yeah, I'm gonna party like Bye.