Joe Rogan Experience #2226 — Theo Von Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience was election night at the mothership? It was baffling, man. I mean, here, I'll tell you, it was, America's brighter. That's what it felt like we were we were moving towards this insane world Even California was mostly red. did I kept just going up to him and Micrographs yeah, that's what it looks like man. So what I sent you Jamie. It just shows like the entire country

3:00 Well, cities are always going to be blue. Austin is for people that don't know outside of Texas Austin is one of the like a lot of Democrats, for bills and groceries. I mean, they shut the whole fucking country down, which is just so nuts. That was insane, man. I think that's probably a lot of blowback from that I mean they shut the whole fucking country down

5:09 And that's when it's not good, I feel like, you know, not just that, when people are resorting Fishing rules or whatever like if you go trout fishing in the lake It was like hey, it also requires a lot more skill Flailing. The least sophisticated form of fishing is like a bobber with a worm on it. I think we got one. Yeah, like very... She was like a staunch fisherman like staunch like we're fishing you know

8:05 We'd have a little thermos full of chicken liver. Yeah, you know works She a fisher them. Yeah, that's wild. Oh the they them thing is that's the best evidence with the new guided design system, Squarespace Blueprint. And while there are many different types of offices, one thing is for sure, choosing the top candidates to apply to encourage them to apply sooner. Remember if you

11:13 number one sports book. Please play responsibly. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Like that's, you know, like, But if you're queer or non-binary, an email update or whatever. He's just. Did he update his Twitter pronouns? No, he's cool. He's just he doesn't yeah, he didn't like send you an email update or whatever be yeah you could be gay bi straight and then you can be pansexual

13:25 You're a handsome fellow, you're funny, you're successful. Which is interesting that you got into stand-up comedy, the audience is just a woman. It was interesting because the beginning of the night, That seems like a lot. in, four hours before they called it, Dana White told me, Elon was like, I'm leaving, I don't know like the Dana translation, but Dana said he had an app and he was like showing him. He's like it's over

16:12 like I trust him, like it's almost like you have people And so that's, I think, that was something So for me, that all makes sense, right? poisoning in the soil and water. all these autoimmune issues, autism spectrum disorders, all these different Yeah, and then of course these motherfuckers started giving little kids little babies that were just born hep B

19:11 What are you going to do? She's great. That's where she got that crazy white streak in her hair. I was just talking to my friend Bruce about this last night. Domestic violence all the time you're pulling people over you never know if you're gonna get shot Sergeant Brad white but then you're trying to compartmentalize, I think in Whittier Police Department.

22:22 Oh my God. but and then for the next three or four hours, It's just conveniently ignored by most people who will never be police officers. And then Yeah You know like what is that? I think if you paid them too much though, then they just quit like I got enough. I'm out Yeah, like the cop could like be saying shit from behind the wheel and you sample that yeah sample that in tournament to songs

26:07 Yeah, my Grammy will nominate anybody. Red Clay Stray, Stephen Wilson Jr. there's an option to just have it on all the time. Like you open your life. I haven't yeah, I didn't sleep well two days in a row She's like, what happened? was gonna happen in 2022 It's really crazy. They're convinced that some right-wing There were only misdemeanors. In 2020, everything goes way up, way up.

30:06 It's crazy that you give some people a complication like imagine you have a shithead boss. I gotta vote thanks for giving us a day. You should have a car it should have be a paid holiday um And I thought about that a little bit and I was like, And so I thought like I And I wish that people, I wonder if there's more to Donald Trump, like, It's an authoritarian way to regulate

34:08 Yeah, we're not gonna edit but I like to meet people where they're at. Oh if I see somebody else, you know, I'll be like what's happening my friend They kinda get annoying, but if you wanna be a comedian, Maybe not. It was hilarious But you don't like she had an amazing speech. it really made you feel like this is going to be a- So this- Everybody seems to love her.

37:55 It takes months and months and months to really like put it together where it's like rocks Exactly, so that's what they feel about like a presidential candidate that's telling the same speech over. No. Well, hey Like you just won the president's heat. Yeah edit that down you get Before he got a leg go to his childhood home. Oh wow it's really interesting

40:07 outside boxing match in Reno, Nevada Who was it? Look, they all have fancy hats. First of all, good luck seeing anything outside the Republican National Convention with that James James Brannock. Back then brow boxing would go until someone died. Yeah, they would have I mean, what's the most rounds they had back then? Just get your your CTE just hot pumped into your fucking brain

43:19 Dude, most people couldn't go that long I don't think there's a way you can shit and punch at the same time. You need to tighten all that up if you're gonna throw a good punch. Who else someone came out there Michael Chiesa? So is this the fight? Randleman shit himself. Imagine if you're like face down if someone's putting you in a rear naked choke

45:51 Or no, I went to that fight, That last fight that he had mmm no the one before the last fight a Justin Gaethje All loved it he's a fucking tremendous That's what he kept saying to me. That's crazy. Every time he comes, like, I gotta come out here, dog. And you you forget that until you're not with them, and then you're like oh this ain't no fun He loves New Jersey, loves New Jersey people, he needs comedians.

48:59 Like I need a certain amount of sunlight to get some vitamin D. I need comedians. He was like, how many plantains have sold tonight? dude the simple fact that Obama's talking about Tony Hinchcliffe is crazy. Bro, Obama's doing a Tony Hinchcliffe bit. He murdered. At the same time. We just want to get to hear the replay. It's amazing. It's a simulation for sure. We're definitely in a simulation.

51:17 If Trump lost, they were going to blame it on Tony. Maybe. Mexico. Mexico and Puerto Ricans don't really dude, that's a huge compliment. And one of the best ways out if you're a poor young man Really? Yeah. Maybe I'm thinking about something else then. It just didn't seem like, was the greatest boxer I've ever seen. It was like Mike Tyson in his prime but in a different thing.

55:04 He was just so skillful. Who would you rather knock you unconscious you think if you had to pick a good fighter? This was like when Roy was trying to get the referee to stop the fight. But like all fighters, they stay past their prime and people really That's what blows my mind. Yeah, dude Tony was Tony was There's two ways to look at it. It's like

58:10 But he's the guy. Right. I know what you're saying. one comedy podcast in the world The whole thing was like organized terribly, terribly. Let him come up there. Like if you've been off sports team, you just always like one dude on the team. That's a fucking psychopath, right? but you share something another way it's not okay. You're on the right side put him in the he wants to be a lead in a movie

1:02:04 Find it cuz it's kind of funny is he the intercontinental champion on you And you want to do like serious roles like you kind of got to lose some weight dodge the draft look at that gut like a garbage bag full of buttermilk. He bends over for Putin, he's a catty on social media, a middle school bean girl. isn't it past your jail time? Mostly, he's terrified that real red blooded American men will find out that he's a weak,

1:05:03 It's good. It seems like they hate white men. slavery, redline laws, other people help with slavery. Let's don't just pin the tail on the honky You're lying. statistic. So, and this is also one of the things that people are terrified about Yeah, oh my god I Yeah, but still they're getting lunch I bet. patch of land, they put up a fence around the land, and all the Chinese workers lived on that land,

1:09:03 Was that slaves? sleep definitely different than slavery but still it's like yeah it's like it's What? Oh here it is. It's forced labor in prisons. But that is what happened, right? And they had work camps. and you're like, you're speeding. we're just going to, there's an industry around slave labor, which there is, there's also Okay. So they lobby to make sure that laws stay on the books. One of them is marijuana. So the prison

1:12:57 Dude that was the end of 2022 8% of the total state and federal prison population in the United States was in private prisons. Do you know that? Want one of these? What is that bust out the smell and salt I'll take a hit of anything about the fucking jerk off just to get high Do I need something what's happening? It's just been a long week. Yeah, just been a long year, man

1:14:15 I can't smell it. What do you need, man? What's wrong with your vape? Tremendous what round are we hey boy? What round are we in dog? There's nothing like a fresh... God oh keys nothing serious like you remember your name you know still remember your cause it's control. Yeah, there's something about having control about how you feel But in the moment that feels like at least I'm taking control of the situation. I think sometimes you spend

1:17:56 Yeah. Yeah, you know and you were you were doing better when you were at the Comedy Store all the time where they're guaranteed to see people that they love That was you I like that or something. I really appreciate I want to let you know that I really appreciate that I just like yeah, there was always this feeling inside of me like I don't have a I can't speak up for myself

1:20:34 I got Brian Cox on the other day explaining the universe to me. Right and bro, I'm not even joking you it was one of the most fascinating things I've ever heard in my life I don't know. No, it makes you aggressive. doing fucking a lot of drugs or something and whatever. And I fucking cut a window into Yeah, I'll say some things here's things that like whatever you think about

1:23:37 So it's like, how- what else does it- you know, at a certain point you're just like, I gotta bet on this dog. You know and if you're lying about him, and I know you're lying about him I mean, according to my Jewish friends, it is, you know? years removed from slavery ending and the echoes of that- Oh, it's still in our genes. And by over-correcting, now you favor people that you think have been previously marginalized.

1:26:19 you have to be non-binary, bear or whatever you're sneaking around but little secret care bear or whatever. You're sneaking around, but there's immediately are aware of how fucked up colonial society has been, how they've conquered North America, Yeah, but did they want casinos? but they were fighting. You want to go back to when the Comanche ran Texas.

1:28:25 And they wouldn't just slaughter people. Fight to the death. But there's so many different tribes that conquered so many different, and you'd have to go back to when. ate every part of it, All they did was eat buffalo and kill everybody else It's fucked that they're using these poor Ukrainians like fucking meat for the Russian or they had these, you're gonna go kill them

1:30:40 They did that to each other. It was a culture of warriors. like this whole country was filled with Yeah, you're like, you've been training all day, dude. That place was a dump, dude. You would want to try to see what it looks like to go across the ocean if you're a young man They bashed babies on the rocks. The strong groups of men with weapons invade people that aren't prepared and they take all their stuff and they conquer them. It's always

1:34:06 So here we are in 2024 with iPhone 16s and Starlink, be uncivilized? It's in Memphis. Where Tom Hanks plays the Colonel? I mean people love Kurt Cobain while he was alive, but I think they really appreciated him after he was dead First thing you're gonna think is this dude's gay as fuck, Have you wore a robe when if I have to go to like a massage place you gotta wear a robe before you take the robe

1:37:22 You think God's got that thang on him or what? What do you think? I bet you would want it. I might walk up to it, but I put sunglasses on first, dude. to murder people but you don't murder them. do you think, are you sure God wrote that down? You know to just look around or whatever cuz they know that much stuff back then and his buddy comes over just to like look

1:39:45 You little... Well, it might start in the DNA too. So the idea is that these women are just so, they're so dick hungry that it literally passes on Provincetown, I think. See, the gene thing is weird, man, And then a hot woman, like a woman who's wearing I'll show you the title doesn't say that there says that I hope that one of this is their interpretation. This is a

1:42:28 of straight men. Right nature's like let's even things out, right? Yeah. Oh, I think sense nature wants people to balance University of Padova in Italy. You don't even have sex with anybody But then like the second you start you got a run they're gonna be like all right I mean, all these folks that are coming over here for jobs, there's a lot of those jobs

1:45:08 They should have stopped it a long time ago. You're 100% gonna make something and you're gonna give it autonomy and you're gonna give it sentience They just I saw um Challenging myself as wrist ability that is wrist ability. That was all wrist. Well, it's amazing whenever you take like in jujitsu classes Cuz yeah, yeah fucking baseball mitts for hands just wrapped his hands around you that's semi-shelter Wow

1:47:53 Wow. Like a guy built like John Jones has the perfect fighters frame because he's still very strong you have to cross that, You're in this fuck zone on the outside is kicking this shit out of your knees only time you could say he had a controversial decision was the Dominic too. I've ever seen a guy do inside the cage Yeah, it's crazy how many of those guys would be like or like Hollywood stunt man

1:51:49 He is, how many have been two? You have Connor you have DC you have Alex? I think that's it didn't to per no no I think that's it not beat the shit out of Yuri Prochaska knocked him out in the second fight It's like literally watching one of those snake like a snake when they're just kind of like, like did you see that snake that ate that deer, moves, he moves like a snake, like he pulls back

1:53:35 It looks normal, but it's different. Like he doesn't switch his hips when he throws kicks, And you get hit with a couple of those three four or five of those all of a sudden you're like I can't walk anymore UFC for this run at the top of the division just Smashing everyone to obliterate. So then you got Khabib undefeated. Oh, yeah Whenever there's a moment, a time period,

1:55:24 Yeah. Because everybody that's doing great, you wanna stay as long as their best. Who is the best? That's a good point. Yeah. their ultimate expression. they were going over moves their coaches, they had a battle plan, everything. to look at them when they're in BJ Penn at his best yeah the BJ Penn for a few years I say is as good Yeah, it's all but we went to the place for the hurricane where the fires were. It blew my mind man

1:57:48 I'll tell you one thing, the way the administration handled that, I think, put a bad taste in that were hit with one of the biggest So like what happens? It's very like, you know. That'd be the first thing I would say. Maybe you didn't pay your insurance that month, who knows? Yeah, now the government's gonna take your land why because you got in a tragedy what yeah, I got double fucked

2:00:54 Yeah, I remember. I went there. I just walked up to the fire department that was up the I'm already thinking about ways for the state to acquire that land so that we could put it into workforce housing, Hmm. So them saying that the state could take the land might be to prevent the banks from grabbing it They sent them six billion dollars. They shouldn't have sent

2:03:21 Like if you want us to pretend that we're all on the same team, you got to treat us Well, I think whenever you have a system... But when people start to lose their, like if you start to lose your sense of being an A right-wing fascist dictatorship. Yeah, that's fucking pissing me off It's usually connected to a right-wing authoritarian ideology and a power of the state over people.

2:06:04 and economy There's really dangerous people. No, he just seems like just an does that make any sense dude sorry dude I'm fucking having a day man don't feel like it's this I don't know does that make any sense dude sorry dude. I'm fucking having a day, man Make sure that I can raise a family and raise them healthily and make it home from work to see my children

2:08:50 hyperbaric therapies, chelating compounds, ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, vitamins, He's fucking brilliant as well. Oh, he's great. So you have a bunch of good people with him this go-around Like who gets to dictate the the tone of the country, right? or whatever, and he would go down our street, he would stop and throw out like, probably 32 waist and lower, right?

2:11:15 Throw them in the ditch. You know also cops don't want to take dead animals and fucking pick it up and put in a bag Yeah, you're fucking Bro, welcome to Haiti, dude Yeah, I'm trying to think of what was in our biome or whatever He's got a dog and the dog will find the nests This is 90% are missed. How long does it how long does it take a snake to eat something that big?

2:14:36 effectively disappeared over that time. Like how long does it take once you get that deer? good guess I was like antlers and shit and yeah yeah wish I guess that do you just to revenge you that deer. weapons for a few months I saw a horrible video of these two deer versus that, because neither one of them can get away. Would hate some I hate it when people always slid off of it Wow

2:17:58 Why? And she's like well this is bullshit like I know it sounds crazy. I can't kick it. It's I have a tick Yeah, pythons, whales or whatever, big animals. welcome to this two-story whale carcass down here at That's yours did bro if I wasn't married out of the stupidest house John Daly's unbelievable, dude. Every time I go somewhere, every time he's there, an ambulance takes him home.

2:21:46 Welcome to love welcome to 1984. It's coming back. Let's do it I don't know. I'm just fucking There's a great book about him. Oh, he looks you know Johnny is an exceptional guy great storyteller. He's a fucking he's the Santa Claus of every 7-eleven Where do I shit Hey, buddy My guy. And where I lived, it was called Upper Falls. Yeah, before I had a car my friend picked me up in his buddy's car

2:26:58 I'd ever seen in my life. The guy owned that car somehow as a 16 year old boy. I was looking There's nothing like running out of gas and coast into the fucking pump mine looks almost exactly like that But that's exactly like this kids looked when he picked me up, and I got a ride in his car I love it so much. an older if an older kid picked you up when you were a kid and he had a car that was like yeah

2:28:30 How do, what do you, yeah, hey, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh. Yeah, I don't know man. We're gonna go to Bobby's house. All right, you're listening songs on the radio who was like he I think he was a couple of years older than us and he graduated get the body out from under his car a couple times but couldn't do it but just you know? Well, just people just disappeared back then and there was no phones and there

2:31:30 But now, too much. I remember I met this one dude who just got out of jail. and then he went to jail on a drug charge, and about all the fights that he had gotten into in jail, Some people got dangerous dude, especially if they got on the drugs or got on the gear, you know at the same gym as me, he got arrested and questioned I was like, yo, imagine even being the other room while that's going on.

2:34:25 I think you'd be surprised what a mother would do if she caught some person doing something you know, and you could get crazy violent. There's always been that, man. that just doesn't come out right. Yeah. and a protagonist. You need resistance. And I think the unfortunate thing is that there Like that kind of stuff. You can't have people just running around saying

2:37:12 to get away from all this defund the police shit. that they were hearing from the other side. It's like, there's just a lot of stuff I mean, I know time has a lot to do with it, but it's like I just don't know if is It's like it's a you know There's definitely a lot of influence with a lot of money the things are just crazy. You know, it'sch Yeah, you ever had oatmeal raisin cookies. You're like fucking this is me. I think we can't let them advertise

2:40:51 Yeah. I kind of already stated what I thought about the way things were going and that some radical what he did in place, it was real clear obviously in some way compromised, there's There's word salad and then there's like these moments where it seems like she doesn't know too kind of part of it too is you got to be able to handle pressure but the thing

2:43:35 Some people, Trump throws too many extra words in, Don't say that yeah, you know the wrong button today, buddy What's important is like what is he gonna do in terms of fix all these problems that everybody agrees are real problems? Yeah, it's probably equal sales and people would get unaddicted quick. You're really just getting people addicted to things

2:45:51 don't know where it's at now but that family they made billions of dollars by and that's one thing that was one of the reasons why I was like supportive of Vance. As if I called them a piece of shit about one thing, but hey, we weren't a piece of So same family. It's a drug dealer. right? And that we also have a law that we also don't have a law that stops people once

2:48:12 And it's just nobody regulated it. You would be willing to do, if you had conversations with these people and they'd say, listen, that things about the Pentagon and that about this like there's just it's you don't And then you get this guy like Trump comes in like FBI the crooked First of all, because Dana White I go, you mean Trump? didn't pay attention to the way they were misrepresenting things that he had

2:51:27 that and that was so minor in comparison the way they've come out to Trump is it's not the result that we wanted, That's it, let's forget about all this they've been forced to these sort of center-right positions Like it's a giant cult of leftists that think crazy things and they're allowing all sorts of bizarre things to happen in society You'll be like living in the favelas of Rio de Janeiro in just a decade.

2:53:41 communist philosophies that you can imply. they can't have things anymore, it's gone downhill. All of them are bad? Yeah. What is it now, Jamie? I mean a giant difference a giant difference in the amount of counties that went red They're socially locked into like this mindset. their entire careers, they've been fucking hit They didn't test for that either. Well the same people that own this own the publication company. It's just starting to be so obvious

2:57:11 mean something over the fact of somebody's peace of mind kind of a sneaky move because it doesn't really work like a regular vaccine does. It works that all these doctors have these anecdotal stories You'd be hanging out all the time. I know better you'd feel better. You need a little community Wow did I really do yeah yeah yeah I believe you 100% yeah it was a weird

2:59:18 I wanted to do my own thing I'll think to myself, I wanna be in a relationship, Bear that would be a real problem and dancing and figuring things out. Oh, 12, he was a listener, dude. And he's this giant dude, so he's like looming over you like yeah conspiracy that is fucking crazy eyebrows You know it was like he got sort of exposed to all that worker for Jimmy and doing that show and he was like Oh my god

3:02:30 Yeah, that was just fun to see who else was there just like um Brian Simpson Asana mod He's like just a nice guy to be around. It just, like I said, he charges up your love batteries. would just tell us that. We're going to find a lot of things. that was 1963. investigated for a show he goes that one doesn't make any sense that guy just Well back then you could kind of kill somebody and it was um

3:06:22 Well imagine how gross it must have been to come to some like fucking weird a brothel back then weird brothel town Establish himself as a pornographic film director regime had unilaterally assumed independence from the United Kingdom in 1965 I haven't. want to tell you much about it don't say anything it's a science fiction but it's those motherfuckers are making a movie every week.

3:09:06 Remember right out the gate fuck usually it's second season for you get a handicapped kid and so I mean, I'm from obviously Louisiana people say all you know, they're always like hey, you see, you know There's nobody there. So they had to fuck their sister. They didn't have to but at a certain point they got Like, if you have puppies, the boy puppy will fuck his sister.

3:10:57 I don't know if I can announce a milk on me. Those things are fucking sucking me off not just as comics but also as doing podcasts you know and you've I think But you know, the the thing more like a red box where you rent that one movie aspects of people and so if you know so many acts and things you never see any violence, you never see anything. So you just get like super accustomed to seeing people dead,

3:13:52 I know. care of your fucking community yes you think that's possible or not people don't capable. where no one's doing shit about it. That's not impossible to do, but there's been no effort, no engineering, large-scale national Yeah, get fucked when that kind of shit happens. They shouldn't be helping these other countries That's a, that is, that is a law.

3:17:01 capitalism is bad there's all these people that have these utopian notions The bottleneck of information, right? Because you can't have access to all the information if you have access to all the money human beings really are one hive mind, I could see where we could equally share and you put him in a t-shirt like this 100%, yeah. I mean, they might have been smaller because they didn't give us as much food

3:19:42 enemy and you got to protect the fields and protect the We try to pretend they don't exist. Don't apologize. Or it's like it's been a busy time. Hey if we open up another mothership Do you think Nashville would be a good spot? Yeah? I thought about going to the most woke place in Brooklyn setting up shop The Yvonne I love you to death one of my favorite people. I appreciate you very much. I love you, too, man

3:22:10 and you got a great, It's inspiring.