Joe Rogan Experience #223 — Bobcat Goldthwait Transcript

Transcript

0:00 We were talking about the bachelorette party, the bane of the comedy thing, but I had a group of women in Sioux City? Sioux Falls? I can't remember which one. of a sudden one of the women in the middle of the group stands up, It's my birthday. At the end of my set You're a grown man. I turned 50, but everybody always thinks I'm a lot older, right? I was like 18.

3:02 When I was there, it was Steve Wright and Paula Poundstone. I guess it wasn't that crazy in other cities. someone else you would get kind of iced out of the scene and stuff so you yeah you're you had a are you on like you know what makes you do that you know uh but yeah but i think like uh like everybody was like going, oh, he's on drugs. You stay here in the closet thinking black helicopters are flying under the

5:23 You know, doing uh i remember that i i'm embarrassed to say i was doing coke because coke is so douchey you And then the cops are like, Lenny, Lenny, you fucking prick. funny when i was in blow uh the night before i i had some sort of cold and i and i couldn't feel Oh, uh... All right, but it's gonna Johnny Depp actually ad-libbed a funny line. And Johnny Depp's like, what did you do?

9:20 like hey yeah i rubbed one out that is a weird rock and roll thing to trash the hotel room thing. I know that makes no sense to you. That's just... paramount kind of fucked him over so uh i went out and i said uh are you really quitting it's like and then like you know a week later jay had booked me on the tonight show Yeah, exactly. But I guess it's good to clear the air, you know?

12:39 Well, that's because I'm squirting lighter fluid right there. You're the mixed martial artist guy, and I've got more rage, which is really weird. that's like part of what you know to shut someone up you have to get into a rage but am i actually where they're just so fucking stupid It's like what I was saying, like that rage. was fucking with you Bullies ever since I was a little boy.

15:35 Look, it's not a real baby, Joe. No. The kids will not be missed. No, no. You know, I mean, I got hit with teenagers. how many times did you open for that i did i think like 16 17 shows wow and every once in a while i then Bobcat Goldthwait was there do you know what that fucking asshole said in a And there was a noise that wasn't even like a boo. I felt bad.

19:08 I can't believe you said that. I bet he did. the oakland coliseum on new year's when the with them because they were playing there and uh and uh and people can't justify them, so they have to make up some other thing. You know, there's some people that are chemically imbalanced, and there's some people that are prone to suicide. Yeah, but I don't think all addictions.

21:36 And I'll tell you what, I certainly didn't have any suicidal thoughts and she's like great to videotape I never did it, but I'm assuming it is. Did you document your time with Nirvana at all or with Kurt or anything at that time? nude publicly give it a tug you'll You'll thank me later because, yeah, it was cold. But still, I mean, it wasn't hot. That was Elvis' chimp.

24:38 And so they go, Kurt, we'll tell you when it's midnight. and so i can't i barely can hold my own way and then finally he just goes So yeah, so again, all this is in sobriety. walk out behind him and I just grabbed him I just started dry humping him and his crew tackled me So I walked and ran, actually, around the whole auditorium and came up to the other side, and I started booking out again.

27:29 I don't know. Right. Yeah, exactly. The Fabio kind of guy. I see Fabio a lot. It guys flowing long hair. Yeah, Fabio kind of thing. Yeah, exactly. hair like that? Eventually. He just lives only for her. She doesn't want... in these Twilight sort of things. In their development? I don't know. I don't think it's like they would really run off with a vampire.

30:20 The woman who wrote it? die like instantly what makes me more of a nerd with sunscreen i'm like that is fucking ridiculous that's as lazy as fuck that's bullshit yeah But I mean, there's, you know, Hundreds. I haven't had the heart. Well, these movies, Shakes is a fucked up movie. yeah so spongebob i've known tom kenney since i was six years old but so tommy was uh binky the

33:11 first movie that i had to go to a different movie theater than i was used to you know like off the Do it as a podcast. Yeah. but I do remember that I ended up on the today show with a real clown clowns do a lot of good for a lot of good causes, Clown abuse. Yeah, I know. rational debate or she couldn't switch gears and realize you were in character?

36:25 you know like my early stand-up would just be me reading a dear john letter and crying But I also just didn't like the idea of going out on stage What kind of a persona did Groucho Marx have? You saw this next guy in Police Academy. Oh, my God. man he would paint on his mustache oh my god was that weird seeing you yeah mostly mostly They go, hey, do you have a comment on Bubba Smith passingith passing away and i was like well i didn't know he died and he just

38:57 I'm like, I haven't seen Bubba in 20 years, and they called me. He's just sort of talking to the press and talking to—it was really bizarre. nature of death you know i mean when you die people have to make it all about themselves they writing as his dead son to get play like like there's a woman he's trying to bang oh it's just And so there's just a scene wherein is standing in front of a porn rack and he just

41:47 I go, I have no idea what you're talking about. The good news is 90% of the people listening to this are high as fuck, him and his kid Whoa. He shoots the girl. Do you have any family? Did you just kill Chloe? Awesome. And that was a fantastic start. But you know who else really You're welcome. Dude. I like to say that movie is a very violent movie about kindness.

46:01 and that's the idea behind this movie. It's just that it isn't a list of people who I really wish would die. so so even snooki's family can go oh that's funny ha ha ha but in my movie i i just kill snooki you Do you know what I'm saying? And it was kind of like me saying, all right, this might be funny, the most part you have to be yeah or but but people choose not to be people just say i've decided that

48:21 I don't know why. Did you grow up Catholic? Yeah, I went to Catholic school. And I remember being really excited that I was going to go to Catholic school because I was really excited about doing the right thing and about following the Bible. She was never happy. Well, what about, whose idea was it for you to go there? school my whole life i went like half a year to a public school and it was so behind that i ended

50:37 Why would it have a stigma, though? sense to me i shouldn't if i was a janitor that meant i could go to the school right it was 19 so I used my brother's Jimmy's ID to go do stand-up comedy so sometimes So that goes away as you get older, which is kind of a drag. when i moved out of there was at stitches i took all the old one or the new one the one that was

53:18 up when you walked in and then I sold all Yeah, definitely. So by the time I was a teenager, I was kind of snarky and stuff. They make it turn it into almost like a sports mentality, You know, if something's good and popular, that's really strange when it does happen. they really yeah yeah i bet they would have heard their songs my sister which is not my sister none

55:36 and that just because something's popular doesn't mean it's good. You know, are you trying to make a blip that hits the most amount of numbers possible? Well, as a comedian, comedian slash cage fighting commentator, that doesn't seem to work. from what you did on television. look for different little weak spots yeah but that's that's not cool, man. It's not cool, but it's a natural thing.

57:40 Look, I don't judge anyone. is that right? And I only like things that I can fuck up that I know will make air. I would have fought for it. turned me off that's what i couldn't do the most recent you know we did it again recently we did and they just canceled the show. They're like, that's it. They all did it. They all did it. They would play horseshoes.

1:00:20 They make sure it's sterile. These people drink it. This is a job? really what time was that going to be on like regular time eight o'clock and so did they that people eat You have a few tequilas. Supposedly. It feels like drugs. Because they're sterile. And then he jizzes. I ate some cooked. No, no, no. My wife worked on Jackass 2, where they did drink the, remember,

1:03:48 It's the best one. Because, like, all the guys in the, you know, funny story was uh after that i was at a screening and um and i know billy crystal over the years and If you want Brian Wilson to have a pube beard, I'm your guy. launch at him. The bull just fucking hitting the nuts with shotgun blasts it's like i can't watch Is it because you've had these injuries?

1:06:46 It's like, yeah. No, it wasn't that much money. and then they didn't taste so good. You know, if Dick was, like, better than filet mignon, you know, Like Rocky Mountain oysters. I just don't think I ever had one. Now, do you, yeah, how did we end up talking about eating balls? That's what killed the second season. you gonna do it no no they they're not even gonna ask me but i i said that i go yeah they're gonna

1:09:20 I mean, it wasn't like I was an asshole, but I wasn't going, hey, this is really great what we're doing. Do you know what I mean I wasn't like it wasn't like I was an asshole but I was also I you know they get mad at me for trying to do something to mix this up this is bullshit zed wouldn't say this that is from the streets man a I'm thinking shaved in the sides.

1:10:51 just before we say action we go i was like bobcat um i think my character would have a schnauzer There are certain actors that when they go on to a movie, and they're always people that are on the same page, you know? That's's the best if you can just work with a group of your friends on a regular you know, because he went to Juilliard and stuff like that.

1:12:31 Yeah, One Hour Photo. Am I going to say, let's do this one, No. I mean, i know when i die the there'll be a photo of me in a police uniform you know i mean there's no way It's me, 100%? Oh, really? Sorry, Brian. that I had no connection to anymore, you know, work anymore but But because of my persona, people didn't understand that there was anything going on in my act you know so it never bothered me because I thought

1:16:10 So, whatever. So, and God Bless America is just one of them. Only if Perry was on board, I think. A Roman Polanski film? fake. That's Really? Okay. this is somebody that needs his ass kicked bad, real bad. They want to see one other guy, some scary fairy or something. yeah, yes, yeah, of course. Yeah. Just walked out of here. Wow, he's crazy My name is Stone.

1:21:26 I'm so sorry about this. Okay, this is not going to make any sense. And he's crazy enough to actually believe that he really is like a movie star he's the star of a movie and he's a city heat and then you realize what a crazy fuck he must be And the women love you. and people had questions and they said, you know, is Perry real? movie they've been doing this with the same guy for 11 years and they still do it today on the

1:24:21 So you have this guy that you're used to, the Mattress guy, And it really is him. I used to have back aches when I was making the movie. He's happy that it gave him a lot of attention. show uh he it was uh don barris uh aiko tanaka mary jane and they brought uh uh two other ding that you can't look away. He does the warm-up for the show. Don Barris is a motherfucker.

1:27:33 The ability to compromise. Get some money But it definitely And then It's a good thing to not have to think about shit like that. And I remember, wow, there's some money in the bank right now. Yeah. And did it work? That was like the first thing you went... The new ones are even better. It encases your leg You're trapped. I think that's the way to go out, though.

1:30:41 Yeah, yeah. someone with a sense of humor Yes, exactly. Talk about friends. Well, they had done it many, many times. Fuck the dad. This is the full spectrum. This is what happened. I mean, they had to have a fucking movie written about the fact that people were moving to their state specifically so they could get fucked by animals. How long do you go before that's what floats your boat?

1:33:50 And this is why they're related. and things along those lines. You know, that made ball piercings, needs a horse, dick in his ass. You combine both of your last names into one last name? That's ridiculous. See, that's the kind of person that gets fucked in the ass by a horse. Yeah, and Howie's a nice guy and everything, I did, actually. And then when they got divorced, he just kept riding the Latino bull.

1:37:28 Yeah, it just seems unethical. just they could just rock it forever yeah oh it should expire should totally expire it doesn't How are you responsible for a human for the rest? Yeah. Yeah. It's terrible. The law is just so preposterous. No, but I think it stems from a very old-timey kind of thing. like your case where you have to pay someone for that many years it is very very frustrating it's

1:40:21 Sometimes when I book the gathering of the juggalos. It's coming up. Yeah. I'm there. Whatever, man. This is Yeah, I did for years when I was directing the Kimmel show. no no when i got back i tried to do comedy yeah i mean i have a blue collar uh background so And I was the amazing Christo and stuff. sounds ridiculous yeah you gotta work really hard you gotta work really hard you work really hard

1:43:27 perform for their podcast crowds, that's copping out. There's nothing wrong with finding a crowd. then you're fine. Well, it's supposed to be, yeah. But I have to tell you should just turn off the tv and it's like well if you try to kaitel looking down at a map one day in the desert they seem to be killing reality stars someone now we're taking our week and and our dumb, and we're making entertainment out of them.

1:47:46 That's hilarious. I would watch the freak show part of American Idol. I go, the little ting it takes out of my soul, it what was good about it was that it was terrible and then i said i can't do this i go i i the the They don't have to be thinking that they're... You know? Yeah, but that's just Kevin Meaney. It sounded like an Eminem song there. I'm from.

1:50:32 There was a pre- and post-crack period. Do you remember when Reagan was like the enemy? It wasn't like, it was almost like instantaneously. You're not going to let it go are you because i've had people say because the new movie you know what if somebody saw it for people porn like people that have access to porn are less likely to rape there's like

1:52:41 It didn't happen one day. And those Columbine kids, weren't they on antidepressants? It's probably the hottest kind of drug right now, Columbine antidepressants. obviously that might be a case i think there's a lot of people i mean the antidepressant thing caring they just doesn't whatever they're on, whatever, Your cat is on some heavy shit. every once in a while,

1:55:18 But I don't think she's on ketamine because one of them, my wife had a syringe in her mouth, Wow. It smells delicious. No waiting. Yeah. She says, you're the Schindler of cats. No. so i call this squeaky my squeaky from is because uh she'll kill for me no she'll kill for me i can She wasn't on any of the creepy Villarregosa. oh, I didn't see the photos.

1:58:41 one of the molecules so do you know like, like, for a long time, like... But essentially, it's like a form of meth. and ate a guy's face but did does it make you does it make you hallucinate I That's why it's newsworthy. I mean, he was eating the face, he kept eating the face. That's why it's newsworthy. not unconscious. The guy was It took a while.

2:00:32 And bath salts. Fucker. Things that are violent. Yeah. Makes anything circumstances, I think a lot of them are the guys who are reaching his body. Wow. Like a screensaver. That something can literally hit millions and millions and millions of eyes. That may turn everything around, man. Oh, yeah. You would say no way. But they have photos Now if it was

2:04:06 Well, it's an eel. No one finished it. Is that the loophole for cannibalism? Where in the someone at a top-notch hospital is what i'm saying that's not a doctor i mean a doctor's supposed to That's probably like abuse, right? Yeah. Oh, my goodness. This poor fucking guy, man. to see that i don't care well it's it's it's like Go to heart chaos. I'm not going to see that.

2:07:16 Was it boiled or was it cooked? This guy cut his fucking dick just just talk to the guy are you sure man let's let's think this over even if you you know you you know so you could like if someone donated their body when they died you could eat it As long as you acquire that, I'm guessing. between five people and garnished it with button mushrooms and Italian parsley.

2:09:02 This fits right in the spectrum. I think the exposure to different things has certainly jaded people, First of all, the porn industry vanished. But there's just more people. There's websites we've talked about before where you just sit there and they're talking to you back and forth. No, but it's way better for anyone that masturbates in porn-wise now

2:11:01 my tits oh what do you want that's all you have to tip them is a dollar? What kind of third world fucking webcams are you tuning into? And it's just like fucking chicks, happen that's nonsense so these girls are throwing away their lives how far down the rabbit hole have But it's using like... she'll have this fuck machine fucking her really slow and she's like oh and then the more she gets

2:12:59 How fucking weird this is. Yeah, fuck Rome. The Mayans. They actually recently found a new version of the Mayan calendar that's even older that Everybody assumed, this must mean it's the end of the world. 2012. I think it's going to be technology but a lot of the technology i think does help us isolate you know people don't I think that's kind of silly.

2:15:54 knew would get a good response right like the guy who just made the kanye west mom's joke yeah but I try the hardest I can to cut all the cunts out. And then, you know, it just tries as hard as possible. or on a television show, and they can find. I don't know where we're going. No. because my daughter once came in back when you know myspace she was like dad there's some guy

2:19:08 But I think it's the exposure. and I don't have time to write anything and put it on Twitter, that you don't over got to learn how to not It's Ari Shafir, Joey Diaz, me, Christina Paziski. It's, like, really nice. It's at 10 o'clock. I might be subconsciously. I really enjoyed it. John Anthony West is June 7th, So that's not next week, right? So thanks to The Fleshlight for sponsoring our podcast.

2:22:53 Well, I shouldn't even list all the supplements because we've got a lot of new shit coming too. The show's over. Is Joey sold out? Buy the shirt Subscribe to Death Squad