Joe Rogan Experience #224 — Brian Redban Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the Joe Rogan experience This doesn't seem like that you know there's it's when you're just sitting some stuff in there it's fun here well my hard drive crashed so i had to get a new hard drive look at it later it was gone yep that's what's been happening to me more and more and i don't they could learn a lot from flash right because i guess a lot of those probably pornos that are

3:38 These guys like were like high on the hog I mean these guys I know dudes who are in the porn business who are making millions and millions of dollars They didn't deserve it. it like to pretend that everybody's not using it is insanity. The amount of people that are online that are looking at porn, You stop and think about that number. and easily you can do it at your own house now you have your own radio show and that's just like tv

6:17 i'm gonna spend my fucking i've never spent money on porn in my life now i'm fucking spending 20 countries you want to see and so i'll just see a bunch of african women sitting around going like japanese where they have these high-tech vibrators like like ones you've never seen before That shit's so fucking crazy. to uh like home or what's online right now what's online right now just click on my freaking right

9:15 to do is you can also spy on like private shows like these girls are doing with other people bit hotter yeah it's it's but i don't understand how they can sell it as private it's that's the fat ladies that kind of turns me on once in a while it's because you don't see that you don't you will. you want to take me to, Dude, side of the webcam oh you just drag that do whatever you want do some screen cap no

12:16 But she has a hot body. every time i don't know who is editing these fucking things but one of them was this chick I would put my boner away. That poor kid doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. from this site uh the girls get a fraction of whatever money is donated to them and i don't money you know wow what a weird way for chicks to get attention and some of them really love

15:50 to be born hot such a powerful fucking roll of the dice yeah cuz it's really impossible to be a loser if you look like Cindy Crawford you really can't be a loser she's just too hot you know what I mean I mean like you could i'm saying like that's all you're capable of that's not what i'm saying but i'm saying it's a things is while the show's going on used to go on these girls that were fans of opiate anthony would

18:36 Yeah, yeah. Just regular girls, finger themselves finger but the girl had two fingers in her butthole and you're like whoa jesus that was one of our first uh broadcasts you know yeah pretty good to listen to r-a-d-b-a-n i think it's the it's either the artist's name red band or the people that ever played it and for whatever reason it took off in one town

21:01 It was all done on a computer with, what is it called? It's Pro Tools in you know I got a computer with what is on itunes i'm going to get it put on itunes my first cd from 1999 warner brothers was bought out by Disney in the middle of my my time there i don't want to actually see it i just it's better to actually just hear this. And what it is is these two guys who are gay,

22:40 But dude, I bet, mine and Brian's mom that's so funny and ginger Lynn introduced voodoo punani on porn and you realize the difference between porn then and now so much more hair so much more hair so much more hair and it was like changed or whether or not people have uh just got more access to it now we see it more because of I forget the guy. That dude's awesome.

26:20 say that because then you put it online you're fucking is she does bondage My sister always wanted me to do that. because rape itself obviously is a that could happen but the fact is they could do that at any time Girls can just drive around to a group of guys at any time and get out and go hey boys miniskirt walking through a mall every guy stops and you just immediately like

28:58 It's hard to find a bad blowjob. That is the 100% goal. A masculine flashback and chomp down He was biting them through the pants like they had the guy That's a real good point. Drink. Somebody's cat died. And that would be cool if it became popular. But then I was thinking, what if it crashes? an armor for your cat where it's just like some kind of crystallized shit

33:09 India. say anything we're sending spaceships into their air i mean we're sending like some science fiction You don't even know they're there. They're like a mile away and a rocket comes and fucking you would disappear. That's amazing and they're watching a camera through it where life feels like a fake movie, They asked for it back. I wonder how far they can go.

36:08 It's like they finally got it right It's just such a... I know some people do it for economy I understand that it's not just but I like to think that they're green They've already been recalled. Realize partly cloudy days. We'll be stranded. But it's a January 5th. It's today. That's crazy. Recall, realize partly cloudy day, we'll be stranded. pirate dice was at the comedy store last night he came he's going pirate now right yeah he's

38:06 Dodge. How much are those? It's just like, you know what it's like? The new Corvette can do that too. now the old cars are retarded they're just useless to have unless you're just a hobbyist who loves designed to do that but you know for regular good deal oh yeah i never thought about it ford on ford yeah the mustang the boss 302 is not but it's a really fun car to drive.

41:29 but they made the best out of it. the best bargain cars I think it's um you know if you like if you wanted to there's a few Japanese cars that are pretty quick, you really yeah and uh it's funny because was just this bad actor acting job where like this lady comes out like hi welcome And it's totally outdated. sit somewhere else and control an operation far away you can do that now you know doctors are

45:31 this but then you go into the next room and you watch this really old 3d movie and the 3d was but the 3d was coming out at all sides it was really awesome and i guess there's a new roller coaster and they spray like baby powder smell so you start smelling baby powder you're they have they have jurassic park yeah i think wait did they have jurassic no i parked at jurassic

47:55 You're in like a log fucking world. the last couple years oh that's they redid it yeah it's the new king kong from like four years ago or buy it and believe it this uh the latest one was fucking incredible man the latest one when you go interface the graphic user interface that what we think of as computers today. never predicted you know like not even remotely what the future was going to hold they didn't

50:52 it doesn't take a pat even you know like what's right percent of the phone but now it's mostly like they're gonna break their hand you can watch the tumors grow in their brain as they're holding You know what? When you use mobile internet, it's offensive how much it costs. Too dangerous for your Wi-Fi. When you can send images no aerial when you can send

54:05 object of a piece of paper that you print and you turn you know into a photograph that you just got that you can probably not have you have to go to complete zero signals you have to go to somewhere i forgot to look it up though but i don't think it does but i'm not sure but you could always get it I have that, but there's no way to upgrade it so I can get that shit.

56:25 an old grade you can upgrade you can't do that and it really makes me mad because i i can't abl how long do you expect people to compete you know to keep that car because when you really think about like all the the different law what is it moore's law for computers right we Oh, I see them all the time, man. I see him all the time walking the streets and talking to people.

57:57 Joan Rivers is pretty funny. what was it i had a joke about uh that i heard that jenny mccarthy was gonna get hot as hell and she's a nympho and she lives in the valley somewhere so what are you saying dude i need to find out what she does comedy story no i've never met him he kind of stopped doing stand-up a long time ago some of died somewhere along those lines

1:00:41 coke years he got to see the chaos of her and shoot his loads inside of her and go what kind of a friendship did they have know back in the day well never thought I got bigger oh you mean big like But Kennison was huge, dude. I saw Carlin live before I ever did stand up. in like the late 80s this is before i had done comedy and i was with maybe i'd done like an

1:03:17 I think that's it. this is George Carlin. I mean, George Carlin is like an all time great comic, but this, much stand-up everyone has a bad setting it wasn't just a bad set it was a bad it new shit. If you do that, it's so hard to maintain the quality. It's so hard to, every year, a new hour. I try to do it once a week now, just do stupid shit like that.

1:06:00 still fun going to that black strip club but no i i can't think of there was something build up and trying to make into sets but i don't know things like that you i i've been doing more name I think I don't want to say but I don't I don't know who what his name is water world i mean water world it wasn't like it was one of the biggest budget movies of all time

1:08:18 That's so hard to do just to get your shit out there, underwater there'd be a lot of that because people would we'd be like little bobbers wow kevin costner was on the set of that movie 157 days working six days a week Yeah, I think I watched part of it when I was a kid, was a Warren Beatty movie too was that no no that's Chris Christopherson right yeah yeah I wonder how much Kevin Costner made for 157 days on that piece

1:11:30 to people he's the postman oh my god dude it's so bad you can't believe it's that crap like that and they were like and we don't have a booth we're meeting But I think they're losing a lot of money, man. like arm bar to knee bar transition from the triangle to the arm bar like all that different it's fucking hard man there's a lot a lot involved well now that it's with ea you need to hold out

1:14:41 They own some of the biggest franchises. because that'd be interesting that's a good point it might just be a restripped Those guys fucking work. had uh an issue here at the rogan compound with uh at one point in time the uh um router kept fucking, and I would have to reboot it twice a day. had replaced no or your my house has a system and there's a ethernet jacks all

1:17:23 wireless you can but it this side of the house and use something else or you could test them all out at the same time see crazy sometimes it's uh it says five million farmers are suing monsanto for 7.7 billion dollars a farmer commits suicide. i don't even think this is in america this is going on apparently uh downloaded porn run two three go some people uh in the pentagon that were working

1:21:20 downloaded it or that you know what they're doing I bet I bet they fuck what okay this is crazy in 2006 the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agency, which conducts internet pornography investigations, produced a list of 5,200 Pentagon employees suspected of viewing child pornography. 5,200 employees. This is a real website. we just got hacked they that could be it and they they could you know um not want to bring that up

1:23:58 Friday at the house both in the little room so don't sleep. It'll sell out quick. It's only like 85 seats. So that's, what is it, 10%? It was 5,000. Or imagine if the government is just infiltrated by kid fuckers, How easy. You know, Ratzinger, Pope Benedict, whatever the fuck he was. longest time whenever someone a cardinal gets caught and gets in trouble they just move them

1:27:10 was a uh okay here's a child sex investigation yeah this is it there was a story where um a The Legion of Christ had over 900 priests. them but I didn't go to one you know I mean Catholic Church is very creepy and So they especially the old ones they have this arrogance about them right i mean it's a shit life man right you know so this this fucking dude his whole face he was

1:30:14 And as they're doing the eulogy, he keeps calling her Geraldine. And these fucks, you know, this guy's giving, Good night, everybody. I wonder how many of them are gay and how many of them are just miserable. you know a lot different than it's like a social thing a happy yeah it was, it was, you know, a lot different than... It's like a social thing, a happy thing. Yeah, it was good. It was positive.

1:32:25 The top. And they're also the most fucked up accusations. The Catholic Church is at the top of that list. The top. didn't have any of that oh scott it was horrible first grade i did a full year of catholic school something crazy and they were talking about something crazy I was like you guys are nuts gruesome experience with the soul sapping they just sucked the life out of you and that's why

1:34:54 cock like a patriotic soldier and a grenade they can't wait to get some dick in them this poor and they just kept her in. newspapers they were still up from you know the night before partying and they're parked in front you drive an hour and a half to see her and she's like i'm not in the mood you know she was like right right away like the first couple of years of relationships to me was like

1:37:42 I didn't even think that was possible when I lived in Boston I thought you know based on my own relationships is it's pretty small i feel that way right now almost you know like I was watching that old movie Howard Stern private parts and he That's the same how I feel right now because I'm putting everything in one basket with doing podcasting and all that crap

1:39:21 yeah well it's shit like that where it's like people you haven't taken over are stoned no no no these are friends that are just helping me out but but but Good. But I feel like this is something bigger than all of us. people like on purpose and then tipping like being nice and generous would make me feel so much I should be, you know what I mean? for people to recognize that there's a direct correlation between your state of mind and your

1:42:24 Just be jerking off until you put blisters on your dick. The key to all this shit is balance. It's like I can't. you let it rot away when you got it right there you know what I'm saying it's like when I I have an obligation. I don't think the laws of the universe wouldn't allow it, you know? there's a very specific vibe to all these shows and it's something that me and ari were talking

1:45:53 Is that true that you cannot go to Canada after you have a DUI? to probably make some restitution but they just don't want any douchebags up there that's insane When you're around, especially big city Americans, Like, girls are just saying hi, coming up and saying hi. When you're from the best, and you can talk all the shit you want about other empires, but they can all suck America's dick.

1:47:56 know we're just just trying to be nice you know when you have that kind of a country and there's Well, they choose the Lakers. They live in LA, so they people number one for what what happened well they're they choose the lakers and like spinning on it they made a movie about fire going through doorways really fast who gives a shit about back drafts now is

1:49:39 crazy yeah we're so stupid that can burn a whole city down think how fucking stupid ever get evacuated I remember we were on the road I think the real men of comedy When does all that shit start? fires they start, and the embers from that fly up, swimming pool on those when I first came here there was a big fire in the put out a fire and our life would suck tremendous cock if we didn't have it.

1:53:52 Of it so you have to calculate how many people are here who's working? let's just try come it sounds like it it's cool and even a preservative no weird is that I don't even realize this but like two of my good friends pete and tony who both help us out almost every ice house Bill Burr too I wonder if he's still mad at stitcher I doubt it have they all

1:56:36 So does Toe to Hop. yeah it's weird when you don't expect to hear yourself in yourself that's really Right. up in me for no it was a way to tune into your frequency it was weird been a lot of different things all at once but it was unnecessary and came out of nowhere i mean You haven't felt like that in a while? we have like in a gym locker room or really that should be fun it'd be comfortable with sound

2:00:40 room well you want to soft things so with the carpet absorbs and you want to put stuff on the walls like Corolla's joint he's got like these big cloth ace Like those panels with like individual little cones in them, office chairs. These are kind of cool. I had to turn it back on because our phone went off. as old school as we can just crazy i can't do websites that good.

2:02:57 Oh, Brian. yeah they probably make them say no they're thousand bucks each there's um there's got to be something that's like a decent chair that's like We all had Lazy Boys. Fucking on the side, we have our fucking little places for our drinks. Dude, Lazy Boy makes some good couches and everything now. I'm there at LazyBoy.com. recliner. Okay, how much

2:06:10 I'm talking shit, folks. It doesn't tell you about them. They're just too comfortable because ostriches are cunts cunty birds whoa these are dope dude my pimped out low okay I And that thing looks pretty fucking sporty. else's regular chair fucking dick invite me over your place and sit me in a fucking staples you know yeah you want to i mean if we wanted beds we could get single beds each have a single bed

2:09:55 fuck it is they're fucking cunty the ones suck the one where your back goes up yeah those those Dude, that would be the cumulative. what kind of nonsense is that store locator store locator what there's a website and What? Look at this. what it's called yeah that's you really do have to get a recliner huh yeah yeah i like which one is that that's called that oh look at this one coaster few coaster furniture

2:13:59 he was angry why you letting somebody talk besides me? I'm the fat guy around here Just get a huge fucking bed, wall to wall. is the move. That looks so sick. That looks super uncomfortable. and then we could have the fucking studio anywhere the fuck we want. The silver, what are they? The Airstream trailers look at this mother look at this go go to airstream.com

2:16:18 The right way to do it is to have like one of those mobile home things. Yeah, I guess. The dope move would be, dude, Look at this shit. while you're podcasting, how bad that would suck? Right, you just get your touring coach. drug-ass one they have ones we're looking at one that says the Mercedes Maybe I could get one of those. I just have too many animals for that

2:19:37 One cat I have one cat that's 15 and one cat that's two. I love both of them though. You have good cats girls would go nuts because your dog is so friendly and she's so small my daughters will go crazy how Sorry about the shit I want to get it done before July. and oh i'm supposed to come down i'm doing doug's uh podcast in vegas i think that's the same weekend

2:21:44 shit I'm trying to work out on. Everybody's really enjoying them. We're off because you got something going on Thursday is now Uriah Faber. So it'll be a little weird for the folks that are just listening, involved in hieroglyphs and, and the, the, the construction of their, their, uh, their, Uriah Faber on Thursday. I'll let you know as soon as we get out of this podcast.

2:24:26 came to Edmonton this past weekend. our podcast. Go to JoeRogan.net. And then Friday will be John Anthony West. t-shirts that Maxwell made, He's coming down to to the ice house, so that's it you freaks