Joe Rogan Experience #23 — Brian Redban Transcript

Transcript

0:00 There we go. You got mine. I fuck it up every week. I mean, taking it seriously in a good way, whereas we improved the sound. This is for people that are driving in their cars and want something to listen to. This thing, like, I'm like, I pay too much attention to it. It should just be a weekly fun thing, like it or not, I got problems. where, like, especially games, but it doesn't have to be games, it could be we talked about this

3:13 you're putting too much energy and effort into one certain thing, you know, you know, I'm talking and I would be nodding my head. And I was like, I want to stop now. Fleshlight.com. and you tell everybody about a new loofah sponge. That shit changes your life too. Even if it feels good, there's still some torment there. my faucet you know the water goes through it and blows out the the fuck hole but i've been like

6:35 Of course it didn't. but I think you just push it in there. and I have to make sure everything's set up. But, yeah, I don't look at directions. You know what I'm saying? Do you need a movie? What the fuck is all going on in there? and it'll show you what your email is for the day. The problem with that, though, some hidden camera somewhere you know operating an empire it's like there's so much electronic

9:54 You know what's crazy, though, is that this person I know, unfortunately their house burned with an infinite source of energy not infinite but like infinitely powerful like it can fucking power fucking cities You leave the lights on all night. So I put a wire in the top outlet and a water in the bottom outlet, and it blew up like sparks, and I flew across the room.

12:11 there's there's you can never be upset at them you always have to just be correcting them and little you that you love as much if not more than yourself and you they don't know anything so you Like it was really sucking on a carrot, dude, because it's just so ridiculous. And they're so good at it too. He goes crazy and starts screaming. born into the idiot family has to be an idiot.

15:15 with conflicts at home that are meaningless, but distract them from from getting good at anything pay attention. You need to have time to think about your own, your own interactions with other to it. It automatically becomes like, okay, now this isn't an enhancing relationship anymore. you put yourself in those sort of situations, you will fuck three hours a night but you're working you're dealing with people eight hours a day working

18:14 Dolly Parton always seemed to me to be this kind of sexy chick. chicks you fuck her and then the mystery's gone then you find out what's really going on behind on a girl, but when girls I mean, it's not a bizarre fucking thing like almost like you're trying to be a superhero or something. I mean, really, it is so true. It's a strange thing and the biggest strange one to me is the fake tit yeah fake tit is the weirdest thing ever because it

21:13 Well, you know, I've only touched like a fake boob like once or twice. somehow or another it's attractive the fact that I know those aren't even A part of the conversation is going to be this. that's not cool anymore. I'm saying that everything has to be in the right order. Really? like okay when you see a cat that's already had babies you know how they're in their nipples or

23:35 Oh, yeah, yeah. hypothetical say you were dating a girl and she she decided she was going to start doing girl on girl But how would you feel about a dude fucking her with a fake dick? What if the guy is like her buddy and they're married to other people and it's all just for work? Maybe they grew up together. they have mouths to feed needs to feed his children

25:28 And he's in jail. So what the fuck are they doing? I've actually talked to porn stars about him, like many porn stars about him, and they all say the exact same thing. would be like in pain and gagging and then he would start pissing in it and he would make her he's fucking her mouth and pissing it i'm like whoa i was listening to the howard stern show

27:29 No, that's good shit right there. No. But I think it's like the GIMP or something. Well, find it. It's some weird ass name. Some dudes are into that. The Minion. Oh, my God. Look at his ass. it's just black guys fucking sad girls there are so i wonder what the numbers are for porn stars If the internet killed the music business Oh, and parodies. Really nice guy.

31:30 and he's got a really funny story He plays B.A. And all you have to do is give them money. have it and someone comes along and says, hey, you want and she's giving off that energy. part from what i understand is a lot of them just do it and it's almost fake and they there's like instead of killing her life. But that's not porn. but really, how many girls want that on the internet?

34:28 That's what she likes. What happened? Why is that guy fucking your asshole and then shoving it in your mouth until you gag and then stuffing it back in your asshole and slapping you in the face and then slapping you in the face sex is supposed to be a private thing. Human beings started out in Africa. It's on Twitter. They're everywhere, these fucks.

36:04 It must be true. You know what? That is the most untrue world, the ants would weigh more. Yes. I read this on the internet. We should not be having a conversation where we're like in 1993. Well, come on, man. Answer. Answer. Answer. Answer. Answer. Answer. Answer. Answer. Do all the ants in the world weigh more than all the people in the world? That's the weight of an ant.

37:16 Jesus Christ. Weigh the same as the total mass of humans. No. That is it. What kind of questions are you asking? crush you I think they're if it's true or not they crawl up elephants legs they get in their ear and they start eating them alive from the are running around naked. one ant bites you and he sends a signal to all his buddies, I found something we can eat.

40:24 That's how you'd walk around. and this guy bit me, would I die? it's hot as fuck and they're all naked so do you think that like when these people branched out to then it wasn't like a common thing to see someone's genitals. language so they you know they couldn't say listen how about i eat your pussy it's like my dick let's have a party you know they couldn't even like talk their way into

42:36 good monkey sex last week when i was at the zoo yeah monkeys are fuck right in front of whole we're all just going to be having orgies all over the place and kids are going to be smoking clothes. problem with being a priest, one of the reasons why they're so fucked up is because there's a brakes for something that you're not supposed to control. It's supposed to be a

45:38 I mean, eventually you're going to realize at a certain point in your life, looking towards the camera oh you might just start jacking off right now and whatever fuck Backwards cowgirl. I thought it was Abu Dhabi. Oh, okay. You know that smell, that tampon smell? But how many of them are like those girls? You know what the thing, though, is? Yeah. That was great.

48:20 Oh, my God. not allowed to kiss in public and stuff and it was like this tension throughout the movie about that That crazy one For kissing on the beach there That's based on real life. what they were doing. over there. I haven't seen either one of them and I don't intend to. You shouldn't have to barter for sex, son. You should be able to anyway. you right now right here shut up shut up put your pants down what no you can't shut up let me i'm

50:50 You can do that, dude. You're starting to get excited. Put that shit in a pill form, and you take something that makes you feel like when you're horny and in love. We think, well, it's just a minute of new relationship. There's your antidepressants, you know, how come dudes that are in depressed always in suck the sucky relationships or sucky situations

52:37 Hmm? Oh, Jesus. friend listen you got to look at the hole in the ground in guatemala what is it the sinkhole oh jesus google right now guatemala sinkhole and be prepared to freak out and call fake Look at that. You don't even – just type in Google – G and it'll guatemala sinkhole will be the first search or the second search option it's incredible it is literally a perfect circle and it's huge

54:13 And how often could that happen? it's like a it's like a tube it looks like somebody took an apple core to the world an asshole, Hilarious. an announcement that they're going to merge to uh using uh linux and using mac because uh the The sinkhole is in Gizmodo, too. to open source things and works. You can't get the right drivers. I've never got a virus, okay? I've been using how to work a PC. I've never got a virus, okay?

57:18 I'm not stupid. that they made horrible mistakes you know I was watching this documentary than conventional Egyptologists have dated it. talking about like at least 9,000 BC, which is, you know thousand years of rainfall so you're talking about like at least 9 000 bc which is you know that's like you're talking about like 7 000 years older that comes from this area and so they say well we're showing you all that would be left.

59:45 There's a site that's dedicated to that in the Soviet Union too where like total towns have been like evacuated and left where trees are just like growing through houses now. things that the earth can do like that there's a bunch to be some other underwater earthquake. It's going to break off, and it's going to head towards the Have you been following the Foxconn shit?

1:01:51 But lately, there's been all these suicides. And it's almost daily, if you follow gizmodo.com, and figure out why all these people are committing suicide. And then today, there's scattered reports of a fire. There's video of them beating up the workers. never get to leave do they even get days off uh i i don't know i i heard that they pretty much I mean, how much more money would it cost?

1:04:52 You don't see that in the news, another Walmart worker dead. you'll see it it's like on that first couple pages but if you look at all the employees you just feel I believe it. Someone has to do something that they don't want to do. you know what's weird is that when I talked about this last week, it was 12 people. week to salary increases there's a fire and another person died today well what

1:07:31 It's sad that this is the only way to do it. democratic society with good businesses and trade goods and services and get everything to go pump in and possible? Is it possible that we're ever going to come to a time where there is no worry about, certain corporations will go to different countries and exploit the people. Instead of doing that, what if they decided to try to, as much as possible, like on a whole,

1:09:46 That's what I'm saying. Robots are expensive, dude, unless robot technology gets like super mainstream. the more computers grow, just goes goddamn haywire. I talked about a couple – a long time ago on these podcasts, I talked about how people were hacking, how the idea that you could hack into somebody's car and slam on the brakes. Oh my God. Hack any OnStar GPS hack a day.

1:11:48 You're going to offend all the Mexicans out there. Blah, blah. OnStar already has the ability to remotely slow a stolen car. Wow. You're like a goddamn 1970s movie. Maybe they're wrong and you're right, And you're in the middle of doing this like you're in a goddamn movie. and stuff like that. which is like what we all have. So, you know, I always thought for some reason.

1:15:01 It can ping where your phone is. Is there some sort of perpetual power source inside your phone? it and now how the fuck is that happening though with your phone though because the phones are it was like 69 bucks or something like that I'm thinking like you could easily How the fuck would you know? remember that they couldn't figure out who killed her so there's bunch of

1:17:12 If you have kids, man, if you have girls especially, that stuff really trips you out. Well, there's real people like that out there. Drank some mushrooms with his friend and then decided that there was some sort of a war going on between good and evil I love life. Did you – speaking of – It would say some He gets crazy. This weirdo, loony guy who doesn't know what he's doing and can't control himself.

1:20:04 Are you going to deny people their alcohol after they already have it't change it how are you going to change it you're it's probably very expensive to maintain, and he charges some money. you want to think they're in it for the right reasons. But then when you really come down and It's weird. The guy gets locked up in jail so that he can keep serving people this natural medicine

1:22:11 operate within the letter of the law which is like in 1996 the law was passed in california How about Dr. – let's call him Johnson. Yeah. It's not the same effect. you eat it it's not the same frequency right don't you feel it i mean it's fun but it's a totally I get the most corrections from being super high on edibles. When it's so overwhelming and so powerful,

1:25:08 I can't take credit for these ideas and thoughts eating away at you, something you did where you regret doing it, anything like that, any speed Hey, clean your mind, shithead. cookie when you know you're not really you're not the type of person that's been exploring their I don't get that feeling It's more of like, So, yeah, people are saying that the pot edible thing in Holland is bullshit, that they still sell them there.

1:27:52 want to make it illegal, that salvia is available in fucking head shops. It's disgusting. bamboo leaves bananas you smoked bananas yeah have you ever done that banana pills yeah you What were we just talking about though because I had a point. And for people who don't know it, it's a really intense experience. especially if you're used to psychedelics,

1:30:01 This is opening up something why I haven't done DMT in years. But I'm in a different frequency. I'm like tuning into a different frequency. That's the same house i had the same life but i had seen something that there was no way i was ever going I think potheads in general have a completely different way of looking at things than people who don't smoke pot.

1:32:40 They round things out. I don't think it should be done if you don't know what you're doing. But what if you're getting massaged by an Asian chick while he's doing it? a pot because you've got some backup plans. That's right. That actually sounds pretty promising, man. maybe is this real life Total surprise. Surprise. So this is how crazy his party was fucking stone temple pilots played oh wow the

1:35:31 They were going to quit. uh, said happy birthday to Dana. He's so tight and so professional and nails every fucking single movement. out here and dana's just standing there looking at all his friends talking to's like that just happened and you know they want to get out of there they want to get their check and the fuck out of here and dan is just standing there looking at all his friends

1:37:02 maybe i don't know for me uh sound garden when It takes me 20 minutes to drive home. does music well we just intensifies everything obviously that if you will see a movie on weed it's gonna be more intense and Him and Carlos. dude everlast is the coolest reminds me of my drug dealer though my drug dealer was in ohio thinking of are you thinking of swim past the breakers and let the world die no who's that

1:39:49 Everlast the band. Is that the other band called Everlast, though? But, by the way, a badass band still. I heard Gene Simmons just died. I've had famous people come to see the show and talk to me before they see it. And that's the worst state of mind to get into for comedy. You just like makeup, Joe. I was a fucking huge Kiss fan. I still am. I still love some of their fucking show. You know, they had the demon, the star child, the fucking lover, the whole thing, man. I was a fucking huge Kiss fan.

1:41:55 Yeah. That was a fun radio show, that show Sarah and No Name. You know, the Mrs. Rogan had to get something fixed on her car, so she got a rental car. were talking about it the other day, eliciting this kind of reaction and then i said oh my god this is the baby bird and i turned it off so i'd just gotten you know, no we haven't talked about this no where one guy is like some fucking cool wolfman jack type

1:44:14 based on what other users who like charles lacquadera in the morning uh, the morning blanket or the morning mattress. You know, it's like he would play the shit that he wanted to play. He decided to not even play a rock song. because the music and just record labels won't let them play those songs you know and etc you You know who it should be is the guy from Opie and Anthony.

1:46:43 The big tall guy. He did that disco thing. Exactly. And they're worried about advertisers not wanting to be associated with poopy talk you know that they're fuck with this. you'll be able to do this Not that we don't love Ustream. There's going to become some new innovation that's going to allow people to do this kind of shit right from their own computer.

1:49:13 how do you know when it's on god that's a ringtone i want just that sound of dialing up There was a time when that was the way to get online, that pops up and goes hi how are you doing then you'd write back and then they write back and it goes instant message and i remember that that was really cool I remember when You Got Mail was cool. Every time a text comes in in that should be your sound that guy that did that voice i think was

1:51:09 Shut the fuck up. ICQ. I don't know. Like, my ICQ name was my Quake name, Primate XD. with kids they start screaming and shit yeah goddamn little banshees we got seven more minutes because the the area they're trying to hit Wow, really? For nine months until they figured out how to stop it. oil slick that's the size of a state and it takes that shit and flies it through the fucking air

1:54:52 where they were having a hard time figuring out how it was created. Guatemala look like nothing. I think they try a lot, I bet. I'm sure there's some fail-safes to keep them from doing that, right? And so they spent less money And still from then to now, Oh, there's a lot of UFC fans. But that's a lot of weight to lose in a training camp. I mean, if you saw the primetime shows, they're really good.

1:58:26 I was really shocked at how fast he moved. bad his legs gave out it was flat on his ass yeah in the third round he got hurt bad but he kept his with a guy like Rampage I enjoyed the fuck out of it. A bunch of faggots. I don't think there's anything wrong with what he did. up. He's just so powerful, man. So I think what Rashad did was a very smart thing.

2:01:21 fucking thing you'll ever see in your life. Feel better? That's the wrong one. He's got like this belly that hangs over his gut. one of them is so much faster so much more athletic okay so this todd duffy is teeing off is getting his ass kicked for the entire because the one guy was just teeing off on the other guy. You've got to see it. It's only 15 minutes long, but it's so ridiculously

2:04:19 Joe's Rogan's website and click on the banner on the Look at this. Fleshlight.com the entire, you know, most of the, most of the game, and 50 seconds and in the last 10 seconds okay how funny would it be if the u.s won the world cup and nobody gave a fuck who cares no Nick Diaz. The... In life, everyone should have a no headshots policy. Every actor's fucked up.

2:07:00 Wouldn't you agree? to have a you know a bad childhood if you want to let guys fuck you on camera, right? You need a certain amount of people that live in places where it sucks, a certain amount of people that live in impoverished countries. And you need corporations to exploit them in order to keep this thing going the way it's going right now. like the more you pay attention

2:08:21 is some sort of a program I'm fascinated by fighters. We've all watched it. I agree. We're looking for a good moment to bail. Some girls like that shit, dude. Nothing. Okay, Brian? though. You can't really do more than two hours and I'm going to be at the improv this week, 10,000 are going to listen to it on Ustream. You little kid. We will come back next week.

2:11:52 Yeah.