Joe Rogan Experience #242 — Justin Halpern Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Oh yeah, use the code name Rogan. I liked that one. It's crazy. Yeah, definitely. I mean, he would fucking flip out if I – He's like, the television show is shitty. on him? Does he want to do that? august 3rd by august 21st i had like 300 000 followers it was nuts like it just Yeah. He was in Hot Tub Time Machine and The Daily Show and stuff. It just kind of just kept going faster and faster and people kept sharing it.

3:40 Wow. to me and he was like, maybe you could, you know, is there, maybe there's a book in this. And so But yeah, I mean that book was like, yeah, around 12 or 13 essays, and then he'll just like explode on you or something. he wanted unfiltered like he always just tells the truth so you kind of like lose a lot of friends did uh i was like well i was like you didn't want like you have a lot of fans you want to do that like nobody gives a shit about me like they want

7:04 is if you It was like this little monkey watching these crazy old Italians. used to do like they keep it together yeah it's a little harder life and nobody's getting divorced you had to be someone who dealt with a lot more tragedy that's for sure yeah for the most part Wow. When he was like like 10 he worked the farm even at 10 he fell off a wagon and rolled over his arm and it crushed his elbow and when they took him to the doctor the doctors told his dad he was

10:12 And they're like, let him die. people that are talking about like they're pretty much pretty sure that most white people have some I mean, would you even want to get to today? I would, if that was the case, yeah, Because there's no fucking struggle. i just want to stay alive just fucking stay alive yeah there's a lot of they want to do and they want to be angry at somebody and all day the most of them work and

13:30 Drown in AIDS. And I was checking at replies the day it did. That is great. He walked in one day and sit on the couch and he's like, he's like, well, I guess we're, was like cool like i found this this this hilarious twitter and then my girlfriend i told her at her So, to me, it's never, like, it didn't wear off and, like, ah, I got this dumb thing here.

16:46 and stupidly quit my job do they get william shakner to play your dad and like where did it all go afoul because it's a it's He says, fuck every other word. Like how could we do this on a network it he says fuck and practices person can be mad dang yeah you're like But it was just like, my dad's, like, unintentionally funny. anti-evolutionary concept is that are we going to pretend forever that these words are forbidden

19:56 But if you say it with a certain sound, a certain sound that comes out of your mouth, it's so stupid. You could never say that on television. so never so never we have this hunt legislation we're gonna pay you should be able to use all winnebago he said it's fucking shit i'm fucking can't remember this fucking piece of shit and People respond to his exact words.

22:13 I mean, that's exactly kind of how it felt. really really well and i was like all right and the book did like really really well and i was them someone without doing anything physically if you say them people can actually lock you up Like this magic word thing might actually be a key component to keeping people closed-minded. It's funny, too, because on regular basic cable TV, sometimes they'll be like the you know hispanic

25:01 original right style yeah he was one of the original like if funny thing is is like it just it feels, like you said, that if you just accept that, If you broadcast them. the radio or on television that's gotta that's maddening yeah it's funny when i uh i was promoting And I'm like, but you're showing it to people who already subscribe to my feed. I hope that that's something that the internet's going to dissolve.

28:15 because it costs a lot of money to make them things like um game of thrones like that the you You would need what do you think is those channels. A channel. I think what's going to end up... And there's a lot of money talked about there's some good i mean the fucking news radio is one of them i mean there's It's a weird, that got canceled on CBS after two episodes

31:22 And then two episodes, just boom, gone. Wow. They had a fucking pond. I don't remember the premise. It's a vehicle to develop comedy. i don't even remember what it was i don't remember it was like they to blow up his spot but that dude made some money and you go whoa like a real hit like a seinfeld You saw him like come in and just whacked out? don't need you charlie is it doing good now i don't even heard it was doing really good yeah

34:36 a little crazy. Probably turned a lot of those Well, you did, you fuck. he would fuck obama if he could oh jesus i don't think you're even supposed to say that yeah you can't say that dude like came up and was like i don't think you're allowed to imply that especially considering the fact that he's married and he has children well it's probably illegal to imply that

36:34 You don't want to be the list under the heading of people who said they'd fuck Obama. it be like one out of three and i was like. It's funny when you have to figure out a fake number on the fly. I bet about 80% of the people. if you got them into some crazy fantasy Because girls will do that. I think that's illegal too. to send up the river by talking through his mouth maybe what he said then you should have told him

38:53 I think he's trying to be funny trouble you don't think so no i think everybody just keeps it on the hush hush now they know what The whole country said she sucked his cock and cum on the dress. but outside of his marriage going like straight mick jagger on this chick that's that's incredible right if you really And people didn't give a fuck, really.

41:21 To the tippity, tippity, tippity top. You gotta be, And I'm your leader. touch hands you know you try to like see like back up and try to see how how much you can keep the world and you realize the reality of what's really happening you know and you you hear the That was one of the dumbest things ever. I love how you always believe the opposite on so many, many things.

44:13 Yeah, and then there's other people they get crazy beards like you know that's just a certain look and there's not a lot of distinct So it's like, this is not Osama bin Laden. that Osama Bin Laden was dead, Maybe that's what was going on. And they went awry. This is our get out of jail free pass. He's got like a special button he pushes yeah they fucking they open up

46:27 and i was like wow how many of those people are getting paid to do that first of all is it they're Justin in your profession Yeah. I like the way you think, dude. But they know what they're really talking about. And I'm like, anything you want to hear, he'll tell you. so they moved to Mexico, set up shop. Like, I understand where you guys are coming from. Sort of. He's from Mexico. And I was thinking, like, I bet he was talking to this crowd. He's like, my dad's from Mexico. Like, I understand where you guys are coming from.

49:22 Yeah. That's the old way Because he's not married to any of those people. I heard that they will go and pay like the on and he's moving through the crowd and he's paid all of these women essentially to have sex 30 women just waiting. I mean, if that guy wrote a book, let me tell you how I rock it. like horse polo naked he's just like i want you all to play horse pole, but just naked. He's an animal.

53:00 You have to go to the other side of the world. very bright and very well read and he had this great That changes some decisions. It might be tens of millions that believe that. Have you seen the Creation Museum out here in Pomona? dinosaurs oh no it does not have jesus riding dinosaurs jesus riding a dinosaur like a like a I was like me and a couple people were there as a goof,

56:29 Then the dinosaur bones came and they needed to come up with an answer. life and there were mass extinctions and here's the fossil record nope not buying it no horse it's a very useful tool sense of life it'll you know carry you to whatever the fuck it is when it ends so what do you what whatever you want. You want a TV, for what heaven would be. You're not...

59:21 You just water it when it's young My dad, when I asked him that, my dad said, I was just a little kid, and he was like, Your dad doesn't fucking play. I was like, this is crazy, total 100% horse shit. It probably just ends. And it would just stop. What the fuck does that mean? i'm gonna be so fucking freaked out i'm that old's like, nah, I don't want to go.

1:02:15 Yeah. I don't know what the fuck it is. I think it's because of mushrooms. We just go to this. of all would freak people out just to know that you definitely would come back that would just You're in the jungle and you have AIDS. You going to take any spot all over the globe? Yeah. the time that no one ever has to deal with nature there's no storms to stay indoors from you know

1:05:35 I mean, Tokyo is pretty much gone. oh shit, it just takes one earthquake you fucking crazy, insolent assholes. hell and then they pour that water that melts water makes steam and that powers all these reactors that's what that's like that that's it doesn't that's like that's so nuts they had like all right we can have wind power where we have the windmill spinning or we can have this fucking thing that's impossible to cool down

1:08:31 happens if the power doesn't go back on then what happens oh then oh then it just eats through the That's fucking crazy. Let's add some earthquakes to all this fucking people that we have here. Let's add it it to the nuclear shit let's add it to the fact that we don't have any water and so let's The more they find out, like, you know, And it's old different fucking.

1:10:28 We've harped on it too many times probably by now, that's responsible for the a bunch of different weird shit where they find these ancient civilizations a lot of this shit at 12,500 years so they think it's by the time they figured out how to make paper again? Boom, boom, boom. Everywhere you look is burnt out and smoking. anything to explain anything oh my god

1:14:13 It's like you're not quite ready to grasp the whole. Well, then you go yoga. get through this weird spot we start to like awaken and see how fucking crazy this world is You know, you got to wonder, like, when did they first figure out the idea of hell? that feeling of being burned by lava forever probably the most terrifying thing a person Yellowstone I think it's like 300 kilometers wide or something crazy like

1:17:24 call it a continent have happened in a let to a lesser extent to our ancestors. Like you said, we've probably gone farther in technology than, you know, two steps forward, one step back. methods, the giant stones they To us humans, think about the numbers and the body counts, but to the world population, it's nothing. europe like what if that happened now like people would go but like thailand you know we go bananas at

1:20:11 Oh, Jesus Christ. it was in the pacific northwest yeah i want to say because there's been a couple cases of the Really? And when people died easier and quicker, Oh, yeah. We would have never made this interview, man. 60s are interesting. That might be fun. I have to go with him. that you can take be ruled by pills You don't try to stop it. where it's all gangsters and shit.

1:24:00 That would suck. That's the craziest shit. Oh, really? Yeah. no one here has It's a strip club now. You can't believe it unless you see it. Might be thousands. We filmed some Fear Factor stuff, a lot of it, in downtown LA on buildings. any of that in san diego by the way no we were all down every presence is good but also the There's good and bad in military presence.

1:27:28 fucking christ if you've never seen dove he's very very funny he's fucking hilarious very unique too That joke. And I'm doing like half hour, 40 minutes, something like that at the end. I fucking loved it, man. And I was free. So while we're out at dinner, we go, let's go see Dice's show. successful it was really hard for me to go see too many comedians because I would like, I'd feel like, like, God, I suck in comparison to that guy.

1:29:50 and then be a fan again. To me, it was like comedy because comedy is like the best form of entertainment that's why you like in the first Yeah, it is. great guy. And today's It's terrible news. I just did. Well, it's on my Twitter. That's fucking disturbing. I don't even think he was 40. They're trying to raise, it looks like, $30,000. So I have an update of a past episode when I smoked moth poop and a little bit of fluorescent orange stuff came out of it.

1:33:01 And I don't know whether I should call his mom. That's a lot. I have a bad. That seems like that's the worst part. My point was maybe that hindered me from coming back as good because I wasn't getting very I learned so much about myself, my neighbors, You got drug tested all the time. Yeah, and I didn't know. And for the next two days, I thought I was retarded.

1:36:01 and then I'll really like it. You actually do. mind to shit you can you can get things done but most of the time you just decide not to put your non-stop until I couldn't eat any more vegetables. see i've done it twice in the last six months that was great delivery man i walked a lot of I walk to Starbucks every day. I want to go on a segway. It's a gyroscope.

1:38:55 you really get jacked. They, like, beep and shit. Yeah. wow the new ones are fucking amazing i'm hungry lol boom off the And me and him, we used to go around the Boston Common with them. He does close to 30 miles an hour. If you're on the highway and you can only go 30 miles an hour, Big, giant-ass fucking animal. It looks like some creature in a never-ending story or something.

1:42:10 hair and they look freaky they look really fucking creepy have you seen see if you can find one of and they just look really freaky. Pull that up. Well, wait till you see the full image. Dude, that's like, yeah. He can hurl his body through the air, Oh, that wild animal park. And the monkey came up. And it was so fucking strong that it put a crack in, like, 12- it was a chimp oh wow because we shouldn't really say monkey when chimp

1:45:19 little battles to see who's the most fucking badass and the smart chimps like i'm just gonna They're still terrified of that gorilla. What do they weigh? those they have fangs too yeah it's they have fangs too and really thick skin and they are where he's got a harem, They freak on. But it turns out that that was just kind of crazy speculation. That means that since I went to San Diego State,

1:48:10 Wow. We could do it, man. And so I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. leopards are black too like they uh like what the black ones what they are is like he actually has Like a ball of yarn. It's got such a size of his fucking arms. Look at the size of his fucking body. and it's it's crazy that they only eat like vegetables too yeah gorillas are insanely

1:51:55 you know, like eating steak or so. You don't get the... Is there any part of you, Joe, in the following photo that gets you kind of turned on? There's no way that could be loose. Would you take that? It is, right? pull up another picture And they feed them, and they keep them around so that they can sleep, and the dogs stick around. were in between these two mountains that sort of funneled into this one little place so all the

1:54:51 Look at it. That is a really weird ass. Why is Oprah doing it? He just bit her. They have those, like, dog snouts. Oh. Why is Oprah doing this? Yeah. Can you imagine if this was in, like, North Dakota? it lasts? In baboon country? Oh, he's just jacking people. They're like, someone's going to get hurt. They're not even that aggressive. Like, and you're going to ride it

1:58:38 Everybody got launched off. You're going to get the other one you protested and look at this bull sex what was the other one the other fear factor You can't do this. this door is locked for your safety because we were worried about you But if you unlock that Cool dude right The second show, there's some tickets left for the 10 o'clock show. if you go to my Twitter today,

2:00:53 and Duncan Trussell. Making shit happen Asian in San Diego, She bleached it white. I've seen porn. No, I was talking about...es though Oh no I was talking about What is that area place like san diego and its military presence they like have way less bullshit going on oh yeah you know san diego is they're aggressive about that but you know what that's how you keep a nice community

2:04:20 Wow. Did he get sued? Old school corruption style. Somebody came along that was hating. And so it was just this one group of developers that just started with the money, and then it all... Brian's 24. Tons, tons, tons of cops. Is it that bad? So they go federal on you in San Diego? My buddy was just smoking a joint on the street. They just try to...

2:06:52 He couldn't figure out why. He ended up getting charged. Wow. there's medical uses for them wow yeah so it's fuck that it's ridiculous Fuck that. It's ridiculous. So federally, they're allowed to go after it as a federal crime, even if under the state, At this point in time... My cousin is a farmer, quote unquote. But he sells to dispensaries and stuff.

2:09:13 And they just choose when to do it. show who's he had just big medical marijuana dispensary and when you run i mean i think And when there's millions of dollars made, they take all your pot and they're probably gonna sell it you know i don't know what they do with it while they lit the cocaine on fire wow yeah and he was like you know like they were all all the

2:11:31 scientists and had them build him a submarine to ship fucking coke oh to the u.s oh my god it is it's a coke it's a it's a real live coke machine the crazy thing is is like how much money You need some really specialized education to build a fucking submarine. filled with coke oh my god you're in the ocean filled with coke and you're totally by the way

2:14:10 It's a terrible job. Do you remember the episode of, what was it, Larry D? it was so perfect what a shit way to make a living man trying to sell coke fuck like you Oh, my God. Yeah. because they were making a fuckload of money. A big part of what's going on in Mexico is because of the drug war fucking retard sell it and he can sell out of it like you don't even need talented like especially

2:17:41 But it eventually erodes. because it just fucked me up, Do your teeth fall out if you're on heroin? understand the fizzy the physical part of it i can completely understand like uh people that What's the benefit of it? Like, if that guy was on weed and he did that, he's just an asshole. I heard that bath salts aren't detectable because it's not. Exactly. They don't even know what they're detecting. Exactly. They don't have a test for too. Yeah. It doesn't have to just be a drug. I heard that bath salts aren't detectable because it's not.

2:19:51 They apparently change molecules. You can buy it, you know, they call it bath salts because it says not for human consumption. Have you ever smoked salvia? most of the time in that five minutes as a month long journey that he had it depends how it depends how deep you go into it like when when i when i've done it i've done add a body experience just a really simple out-of-body experience like i was over my right

2:22:46 That doesn't seem like salvia. that's different potency, You look like you're taking a shit. How you feeling? Yeah. No, I mean, you've seen this before. When he was chipping. Well, they didn't know. Some stuff that they don't know about. Totally legal. some scarier meth yeah some meth that even meth people would tell you to quit. It's like a wives' tale?

2:25:28 Fuck. Imagine smelling shit. am i supposed to believe they smoke their shit africa they smoke their shit you ever seen the Let him come on in. African. a little girl how dare you i don't know africans catch fish with their hands yeah Have a seat, Don. Yeah, any way you want to sit, man. You seem like a handsome, intelligent guy. then, well, well you know as a guy trying to make it as a screenwriter what a fucking awesome break that

2:30:05 just they become these really funny people that have jobs working for you know whatever company is doing something good and just by virtue of the fact that other people are telling other people That's a great attitude. or stay on that level or get the next thing so you don't feel like you're drowning. i was waiting tables like that's kind of a shitty job like we're sitting around making dick jokes

2:32:37 Fuck, I can't believe this shit. they're so conditioned to failure. Look at you. All right, So the other one, Yeah. I don't. That's why? This fucking show's over forward slash Joe Rogan. That's his shit on the side. And it'll be Dom Herrera, Dov Davidoff, Ari Shafir. tuning into this show and saying that you enjoy it is the best motivation we could ever possibly have to do it.

2:36:00 Thanks to Onnit.com for sponsoring us. Wouldn't it be awesome if fries were good for you? Go get yourself some kettlebells and get your freak on Put it on your Kindle. All right, we'll see you guys soon.