Joe Rogan Experience #248 — Tom Rhodes Transcript

Transcript

0:00 International Man of Mystery. That's just a sales pitch. That's my kind of workout. It's a hot one, and I just love it. He was constantly yelling at me, Tom, you're doing it's wrong. This is not Silver Lake. in their underwear. who want to come in here with your underwear, of what a yoga guy is supposed to be like. you're always yelling at? Just locked in the position, just holding that shit, trying to do it perfect.

2:50 There's like a lot of those like really deep poses where you're like, like they're doing these crazy and then like certain, you know, neck moves, But I'm telling you, if you did it just a little bit every day, Right, that's always it. in your lane exactly you know and la is filled with those people they just are just so quick It was great. how to fight at all if you don't know how to fight at all fuck you up but if you're good you'd

6:10 there's not much you can do about it i hope it ends quick i've always loved boxing and you know You know, any normal dude, 250-pound dude that fucked with Uriah Faber, he'll get a hold of your neck, man. watch like the best of today, unquestionably the best martial artists You can't get in when the UFC's on. Caligula will poke you in the ass, but hey, what a show.

8:14 They like doing it, and people like watching it, and that's all that matters to me. Yeah. All those other, you know, Vietnam, the French, great and it's they play that snake charmer music and they kind of they're up on one foot and they're Today's knowledge nugget. It's not like it started and you know more bets. So most Thai fighters, they would have a disadvantage when they would fight in, like, K-1

11:20 Yes. I'm kind of attracted to him photoshopped on somebody else's body, they picked they picked picked almost like... Thanks for never inviting me over. That great shot. You'd be a great stripper, I just realized. Guys who were really buff. Watermarks, high watermark. He's not as buff as he was. i mean i do as well motherfuckers got problems in this world and uh my father um who's passed now, years ago I got tickets for us to see the Rolling Stones at the MGM in Vegas.

14:45 He took me to my first comedy show. That's beautiful. Yeah, I think that's awesome. you have any muscles that's silly how many hours a day do you spend like form, you don't. It doesn't matter if you have any muscles. That's silly. How many hours a day do you spend Those people have all died. and it's amazing to wake up and not have a hangover right right he was planning for hangovers he

16:52 But, you know, you get older and your body changes. you're just like holy shit i i just need to go back to bed and call this day off because it's you look at it as one unit if one part of it is like detracting resources because it's all fucking Right. start your day exercising because when you exercise you like kind of omit this energy and people want to do business with you because you appear healthy.

19:45 You didn't want to. you can kind of make them go in that direction. And that's just too. It's like a fucking George Michaels video. talking about like spirits. for an hour ever done yoga high uh no i haven't yoga high? No, I haven't. Yeah, her idea is to start teaching yoga with her hot penthouse friends. What are you doing? They got like yoga vacations.

22:50 And they struggle, and they don't quite get it right, and they claim to be all beads and roses. I think that a lot of yoga people I think yoga is very psychedelic Now they're in a bigger place. they thought I had joined a cult. Okay? I used to go to. And ready for this? Wow. you know, but there was another dude that I, it's funny it's like when you see a guy acting like a dick in a Bob Marley T-shirt.

26:27 into raising them and giving them values. were raised by retarded people. this is ridiculous that you would allow such disparity. the government, if they were going to do anything right, I think that's horseshit, because I think that's horseshit because I think that's pussy capitalism. As long as you can get people to follow that. workers, better inventors,

28:39 They want to profit quickly, quickly, quickly. potential world changers, potential unique minds, a million of them cast loose in the jungle of You'd have to fix the bottom. mic night you hack you know he was fucking high-fiving his staffers when yeah they came up People are afraid of black people, but everybody's been robbed by white dudes in suits,

30:54 What's going on? 13 trillion what what are be real we and where did it go what the fuck is going on you did what with it it doesn't make any sense That's where it gets really crazy when people I've had friends that bought like in L.A. like a giant zit i'll tell you what's weird about la is back downtown? Well, they are. No, there is a you'll die and this street's cool to walk down.

34:18 Oh, Boys in the Hood there was a real I don't know There's a lot of old buildings that they, you know, there's a lot of like. but you only have two stories that are occupied. I really don't think that's much of a business. The maggot industry. Which is on Wilshire Years ago We've hung out in some really interesting circumstances That was a Comedy Central show?

36:55 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the Kevin Masters show. They thought that was like the flashiest American name, showbiz sounding name, Kevin Masters. the guy and then when guests would say kevin i would say say, please, my name's Tom. smoke a lot of weed. You're considered very immature. But in Holland, you know, they, you know,

39:40 and the way they teach it. And, but in Amsterdam, they're like really strict. Right. and I ended up moving to Holland for this girl. And we were together for two years, And they gave me the job. standing on the X, doing your little five-minute monologue. Once in your life, you'll find her. i i still love you and i want to get back together with you and and i i know we can make this work

43:43 And the next day, I woke up up and my face is mangled. And I had with you and she said, I thought you knew this was just nobody will know anything happened to you. this man did such a wonderful job I still go back periodically, No, you didn't, man. I saw a crazy interview with someone from Colorado Yeah, I wish he would have got there sooner, right?

45:54 What a horrible And it should be illegal in our media in the United States to say the person's name in the news. Right, right, right. The whole thing, he's a broken human being. he actually did a set that night at uh at the comedy works and then went to go see that movie black people claiming that you know that this this guy's a criminal and this guy's a murder

48:42 You know, it wasn't, it's not, I mean, I know a lot of cops. Whether the cops are like, nah, not you, dude. And there's you know, there's some ancient Civil War era mentality still in that area. Yeah, it's exactly what we were talking about earlier, for whatever reason we have a hard time engineering that we have a hard time looking at that as a And nobody concentrates on that.

51:27 and we were just talking about Guantanamo Bay by a band called It was like... Number three, the torture music. it would be like, just leap off That's badass. I'm just going to be a symbol Yeah, because he couldn't be Prince. Well, the music companies, they're bad motherfuckers. Nelly, yeah. I thought I was a bad shaver. You know, it's not his street and loses the message a little bit.

54:51 We were talking about when we first met or when we've met and hung out. across the stage and then like i saw you backstage you came up to me and i was just like so happy to you're here. like, to have friends like Joey Diaz, you know? You're here at the Ice House this weekend, right? it's right up there. One is live at the Comedy Store in Sydney, Australia, and the other one is live at the Ice House.

57:00 I think she... Copyright the name Ladies and gentlemen this year, I've done three sets play there. funniest person in Central Florida, which I think is hilarious. There was a kid in South Florida But there was a very famous comedian there. Don't even do it, Brian. Well, years later when I lived in L.A., I find out the Rage is like the biggest gay bar in Los Angeles.

59:50 and whatever, whoever, Urkel. And he makes this move on me. and the guy steps in on me I won't say it. So anyway, you know, I said, can we go back to the comedy store? me shy away from the comedy store. Oh my god, how about John Travolta, man? I can only speculate. You can go super... And John Travolta's obviously figured it out. Superman character

1:02:35 telltale snitch ass bitches masseuse client? be a UFC fighter, don't play footsies with It's weird because it was such a And then they did that fake game show thing where they had a studio audience. digging in. Hooks poking you All in a beautiful hand-sewn lace cami style. Don't give in to the man. Sexy, classy cleavage, bitch? It will drive you crazy.

1:05:31 I don't know I'm so glad england i mean i wonder like if what is that scandal? Where they hacked into people's email accounts Well, there was a girl who had, I think, been abducted and Like, oh, she's alive. Oh, he's really super rich. Did you see when he was in court, some guy, I was in Europe, When you have that kind of money, but he knows where he lives.

1:08:15 You got Rupert Murdoch It's probably clones. Hard as a rock. They didn't. Yeah. boom next thing you know? I mean, this might just be, you know, urban mythology. Why would it be bullshit? Remember Paul Williams? like doing a special lunch for each other, and their wives are probably home. that's why it's worth floor house blowjob I will in a capsule.

1:11:48 I was thinking last night there were so many hot Asian girls And he could just have – no one would ever know. Yeah, like it recognizing when he's in the room. I mean, wouldn't that be amazing And when the media goes through his house, they find these capsules, and they led to go through his house. I don't know. His wife is like 40 years younger than him. Nice! And when the media goes through his house,

1:13:22 They were just brought in as I bet Dana would love it. Dom's the best. a crazy stripper damarera is he's like he's a real deal you know i love knowing that there's a guy I mean he always nails it he's always got a Don Marrera's out there slinging it. I love that when you see Club in Boston, Massachusetts. amazing comedian and i saw rich hall didn't he what was his his yeah i remember he played in

1:16:12 Is he really? Plays theaters all over England, yeah. A ranch in Montana. That's big sky, son. don't get me wrong but why did he pick that as opposed to, like, Wyoming, Colorado? There's a lot of. People coming by and, you know, yeah it was undriveable Yeah. They're food. You're supposed to some Road Warrior type shit. They have a cleaver bumper. And, right. See if you can pull it up, Brian, because it's like some Road Warrior type shit.

1:19:39 Moose are massive. Look at this bumper. I'd never noticed. That's like getting rims on your car if you're a trucker. how prophetic was mad max the road warrior it's they're fighting each other for gasoline I mean, horrific. Mm-mm. They covered that guy, like let him off the hook uh with a child's heart do you drink red or white wine i think it you just

1:22:09 Personally responsible for the deaths of people. This thing's called Century of Self, and it's about this guy, Edward Bernays, who was Sigmund Freud's nephew. it was really a taboo thing interesting it's like a four-part series like four it's like an hour each thing i think the bbc made There's a new Ferrari out, the Ferrari 258 Italia. And then you're looking at fucking Veyrons, and you're getting crazy.

1:24:35 I mean, I obviously took it from Ferrari to that, a new object. The Galaxy Have you seen the Galaxy S3? You don't think so? expensive but what really sucks is just like using these people's cameras like because everyone wants Galaxy 3s that it's a smaller iPad I've got to get one. Yeah, videos. yeah incredible it's hot Because a lot of times you take a picture of something as spectacular as the Coliseum,

1:27:44 That would be the perfect thing to the note size. Is it 7 inches? that right like i was saying about like i was saying about the the torture songs yeah exactly not to eradicating it fully, but to really minimizing it, Name one fucking He was the most, to me, I mean, Richard Pryor's probably really the best, a guy like that like prior had to have a guy like lenny bruce you know and sam had to have a guy

1:30:38 in Florida there was a lot of New York kind of 80s And I saw him and that like opened my eyes. was reenacting his bit about the homosexual necrophiliacs For folks who don't understand, before Kinison came along, whoa, this is comedy too? I never thought that this could be... This guy was... I hope you slide under a gas truck A former preacher. and just just dominates you just dominates the room for the moment you guys will say you can't

1:33:15 He pulled Leviticus out of his ass. We got Sam Kinison, and the world of comedy has changed Some guy was a really nice guy in the the, like a hundred years ago, some guy was a really and something happened to him. Well, that's what he says, that it made him gay. Everybody starts making out. And it would turn people, turn the soldiers if he becomes I think it's already pretty prevalent in the Middle East anyway.

1:36:13 My brother was over there, and that's... There's a lot of... Bitch do you know I did a gig in Estonia It looks like Hitler's wet dream up there. What was the point of this story? And I'm filming stuff constantly in my travels because I'm obsessed with making And these kids were from Pasadena. and he would go over to South America and try to convert people.

1:38:32 but would you consider wearing these underwear? Like a white salamander or something. Yeah. It supports banding together and helping each other. with a means to a better life. It's like, can't we just have a sense of community, being cool to each loony toony shit it's like can we just have It's amazing. Dude, Antarctica used to be a goddamn rainforest.

1:41:12 It was like Pacific Northwest. You know, like primitive people, no doubt. That's fucking nuts, man. But I think they suspected this. Ancient map of Antarctica. Yeah, so they came here. Antarctica. See, there's Yeah, I believe it's from the 1500s. Fucking nuts, man. A recent discovery in Africa, Here in lovely Out of now? That's weird You guys don't have a house anywhere?

1:45:26 She doesn't give you a hard time? God, why can't I find a woman looking for art everywhere and with comedians. It's almost like a cliche. Hey! She loves the jokes and the creativity, and she's a great laugher. Right, right, right. You get a phone number. and just wanted to argue about such minuscule shit all the time. No, no. shitting into for the past

1:48:42 It is funny how you look back on, how ridiculous they were, you know? Right, especially if you're international. When these Google glasses go live Here in Los Angeles To see what electronics I don't know if you can find one. Listen, a couple of people were dead in it, you know, like my grandmother and stuff. and I did a podcast interview with her I think we should do that with everybody you love.

1:51:58 ritual their coming of age ritual would involve these ordeal poisons and you know their their Well, there's nothing like almost dying and this tattooed criminal scumbag diving instructor She worked at Bordeaux International Airport for Air France at the ticket counter. So anyone who's ever been diving has to study a book for a week before they get in the water.

1:53:45 Was this a girl you were with? Threatened your manhood. lived in Paris for five years, so they spoke fluent French, and so we all talked, and he was like a he's just yelling at me. the Al-Qaeda has asked me to leave He was defending me. And then it was like this, I'm getting water in my breathing. And so my spare tube is getting water. And who'd have thought I ever would have got to use the I cannot breathe signal.

1:56:26 And he got me to the top, obviously. Wow. I learned the true meaning of true buoyancy. moment do you think he was a hardened dude you feel like he's a hardened guy he had been in he I got back to the resort And I'm making small talk I didn't even have a chance with this girl. are we trying to impress her is that why you went deep yeah you know when you're on vacation

1:58:57 dicaprio did the beach a great movie i like that movie was it really yeah i really like that what that lived on this island Leonardo movies Boom, boom. and kept it to the end, just clung on to it. He had secrets on everybody. All these manila envelopes secret society shit. That he had shit on everybody. without a shirt on, a guy looks like He wouldn't know what to do.

2:01:45 he had another position. He became the Prime Minister Olympics, he said he had seen some disconcerting meaning Salt Lake City, you, Mitt Romney, punk. Right. and the Cayman Islands. Right, but personal taxes. That shit's ridiculous. I think this is the biggest shell game ever. has completely failed us and they've passed laws should be like race car drivers.

2:05:06 It is. You can't trust anybody? My own hypocrisy. I do vitamins. do you the singularity or artificial intelligence, rather, in the 40s Duncan Trussell that's who told me this these string theory guys, they It's all to a very specific mathematical code. tvs didn't used to exist at one point in time and someone invented it, that mind-blowing change is just one step in an infinite process of constant technological reinvention,

2:09:00 You wouldn't even really like it or appreciate it. that got shot in the backseat of a car. The cops a, there's a whole different thing when you see them wearing this Iraq desert military camouflage. Right. And from all six directions, like you know alabama uh in the 60s birmingham uh you know the fire hoses on people and i was like They have the best kickboxers pretty much ever.

2:11:55 But Amsterdam is super famous for kickboxing. That's the ultimate trick I don't know. Right? Have you seen the satellite images of Greenland? Greenland, and they're saying this is, like, one of the best signs I'm looking at it right now. Just Greenland melted. And Really? But apparently they named it that way They are the bankers. And all this volcanic ash went all over Europe and they had to cancel flights and stuff.

2:15:34 Oh, man. Well, the youth, the people that don't have a lot invested already in the system. Six if you have any ambition at all, you piece of shit. and they're looking at the future and they're like, you know what? But you look at people in the 60s and 70s. us into it. Right, but that goes back to We've always done that, right? nose that looks completely different and they're saying like his ears don't match the old photo

2:18:36 Right. He's a great guy. I'm pretty sure you're reading this one. underground media empire he's uh he couldn't be doing any better than he's doing i mean it's like But he showed it, and it showed evidence, photographs of these people wearing military-grade boots, these cops that were dressed up like hooligans that would smash windows. from wearing pins that's that had protests on them they had a wto with a red line on it and

2:21:37 I have to, like, say, That you can't even just have a red line Right. Conspiracies are nuts, man. and still try to figure out where all you're doing is thinking about someone's got to bring it up. other than exposing it, other than information? Yeah, you son of a bitch. I'm trying new Asian material. and I talked about it my impersonation But yet there's some truth to it.

2:25:14 So if I was like, A huge cocaine addiction. What American English sounds to foreigners Joey Diaz got mad This is actually pretty badass. It's him trying to do... but come in no time. Right. a famous guy in African's just a bunch of clicking noises and stuff that's funny yeah well the language is very bizarre that like the Germans and like France is,

2:29:18 Yeah, it's bizarre. I think... Yorishi? would probably be fairly easy for us to wrap our heads around. Klein beetje, meneer. Really? youth where they get blamed for everything the teenage boys get blamed for all the crime. And it's, you know, they're, you know, typical gang bangers. Keeps getting, he's a Moroccan guy. Moroccans are known to be wild folks?

2:32:06 like even a lot of Dutch people don't. I don't speak Dutch. Well, I mean, their debates were in Dutch. So she put on an act. why can't you tell your family about me? No, she was. I think once we achieve the next level of assimilation with technology, Well, I think we hit the lottery as far as languages go, idea about the Tower of Babel, right? a few deaf people and i was asking them uh is is is sign language universal and no sign language

2:36:02 Braille. I love that, that on the computer, on my Mac, and I'm friends with them on Facebook. and copy-paste that bad boy. That's the future. Want to see something crazy? Let's see it. is a bad motherfucker Nice It's great this year. And I'm going to I'm going to work less next year on just do, you know, world road That's why I'm psyched go to icehousecomedy.com

2:39:19 podcast, man. These Wednesday and Friday shows are perfect for fucking around and trying out new material. That kid is a really good host. Ian Edwards. Thank you, everybody, for all the positive tweets and all the messages. I don't know where it's going, You can't even get crazier than that. You're getting crazy? It's all natural sweeteners with stevia.

2:41:33 But essentially, it's very expensive to send cannonballs through the fucking mail. I can't stop talking. Check out Brody Stevens. Enjoy it. August 6th name Brogan. Save yourself some money. Alright, somebody save me. This fucking podcast is over and I can't stop talking. saying your stories, man, were awesome. the future is near.