Joe Rogan Experience #251 — Bryan Callen Transcript

Transcript

0:00 All right you dirty freaks, Brian Callens here and I don't know how to turn the music on. It was like a gay Kenyan dance. But then you can get too much ferrous oxide in your diet, Wow. I've got to get him on because I had a conversation with him after I read his book, and I loved him in it. You know, because I'm reading... I woofed it down. They really don't.

2:11 He's real fitness. You can't find too many Olympic athletes who are vegans. Oh. But I think wild game. The idea that there's a... and they're running around That's right. Joseph Campbell always said that one of the problems with the original peoples and their mythology was that they would look around at nature and realize that life ate life. prayer said. There were rituals because human

4:22 They'd do all kinds of things because it makes sense. So when you eat a pig, when you eat bacon that's been in a gestation crate Having said that, I eat... that is reacting to me and reacting to its environment i gotta lock this door i forgot And she was so devastated because she knew her cows. cows and and they were also there I believe some of them were for butchering

7:07 And they would ground that up into hot dogs and things like that. I think it's more than 1,000 degrees. They were doing that with chickens. The reason you don't want an animal cannibalizing itself is because it leads to these really weird pathogens. detail about what you can eat and what you can't. eat other animals apparently it's not apparently it's not healthy it kind of makes sense if you

9:20 I don't want to eat it. with the scope and everything so we go there and i go i'll go to alaska with you but we'll go I mean, yeah, we lost them. He brings his rifle. i'm gonna shoot that log i go do it so i'm right behind him and i don't know if you've ever heard a fucking elephant gun go off when He's got this really deep I'm like I know he looks like me

11:56 I don't know and one of the tricks you do when you don't have earplugs is keep your mouth open when you shoot a level like that it's like they they get guns to the point where you get to like the 50 caliber When you get a, there's any possible way you could make this a safe world here's what i here's what i always I actually really believe most men own guns because it's for them,

14:18 because you're not going to be there If guns didn't exist, holds a hundred rounds? I don't think so. Anthony Show, who's a gun nut, why shouldn't and it was really kind of, he was honest, it was really interesting. can you, though though create a situation where you can keep And that when you see, what is this, Eric Holder, and they wrapped it up in a ridiculous,

17:06 in government and passionate about it. There are a lot of people in government that are very for you realize, well, they are slowly but steadily taking our rights away in a place, in a time Look at the Patriot Act. Obama is not a socialist. It's government's in or Democrats, a lot of people have good ideas. They're trying to get shit done. Obama is not a socialist.

19:12 losing our own power, but it's almost like it happens without us even realizing it. Like you bank in the world. which is, I got to lobby my government ties to the government. You can't. You just can't. And therein lies the argument. So no matter what completely unnecessarily out of control. and I remember I said, why are those laws, It's not anybody's fault.

22:52 We have to avoid that so you can't do this. which is, hey, look, you got your political And if the cops were paid better and treated better by people, or someone's going to take your shit if you had good cops in a that's not lost on a lot of cops and mostly in black and Hispanic neighborhoods. Crime is down since the 90s by 80%. Yeah, that's amazing. Isn't it cool?

25:28 ruining new york new york's the best i i was in new york i shot a movie there three weeks ago Accessibility to everything that's everything and feeling safe doing it. See, that's what people, that's the feeling that people still have about Manhattan, is done a really good job in a lot of places it's kind of fucked when you really wrap your head I said, what would you do about education?

27:21 He goes, my school's great. the need to belong to a team or a tribe. what the podcast is too isn't it i mean yeah. You know, you have a really, that show, They thought it was me, and they must have been like, Even my 10-minute podcast, People are allowing you the most intimate input into their brain. shows and we're going to do one this friday night where we have all these comics of it was dom

30:18 It's like the stuff we always did That's the one thing that's missing in our group or learning to play the guitar wrong. reading this book called the sociopath next door written by the Harvard The only thing that they usually get pleasure from There are a lot of people like that. if i'm on the road and i'm bombing i'm doing your shit like we made agreements with each other but

33:14 who is a great comic, I steal one of his jokes. You always made me laugh. was dying on my what i like about your stand-up is you're always kind of having an experience and you're doing it But you're almost like, I really think people are watching you You know, I know you, You make me better. york i remember it was i was with patty jenkins you were a fucking machine gun. It was like literally these New Yorkers,

36:16 and had only been working on being anybody trying to follow that fucking ball of fucking energy because you just come on like and you did the splits in the air. You keep adding your learned experiences. like what he calls distractions, where I can tune in to... I can't rely on the past. Because there are so many plateaus, and when you do a show, they want to take pictures pictures and they look at you as a success in this business.

39:45 assessing you've always got to be I fucking talk too much well, who the fuck is the kid with rickets? That's a horrible affront. That's all. And I went, well, what does that mean? He said, I'm writing a book about it. I'll tell has everything to do with whether or not they're going to excel at that. Everything. So in other or my buddy's book, Straight Outta Conspiracy,

42:34 Not a math person. You can't be expressive. They're allowed now, they haven't been since the 1940s, last clawing attempt at a dying culture But as long as you realize that that is always going to be the case and that you have to How do you stop it? about I travel a lot, as do you. and it was about a week ago if you guys want to look it up, They're probably good people doing the best they can,

45:40 Not, I mean, creepy sexually. They grabbed his cock, like, the whole deal. I'm actually impressed with how courteous they are. Because I like everybody. To a noncommunication. and children and all that other stuff that goes along You know, they feel like completely... then sends 30 000 more fucking troops to afghanistan and everybody's like jesus christ man

48:13 So we don't feel represented. he's going to appease 50% of the people and let's just pretend for a brief moment that maybe elections are real, okay? that office think about all the people that died all over the world because of the actions of the the military-industrial complex. He made a joke in one of those, you know they've killed a lot of bad guys but but again it was what we were talking about with farm factory

51:18 He's a gamer. of questions. We've created a there's it's not as simple as this is a show They come to me every fucking show. well, the military, go do their job. And a lot of them get maimed, they lose their arms, they lose their friends, We'll get ourselves into another situation. Well, my buddy... you know, dropping a weapon in al-Qaeda's hands. There's the arguments and stuff.

55:21 Now, what is the objective? And more importantly, It is. Yeah, but that's just debate. I'm talking about straight information accomplish fuckery. And you want to call it karma. of mine who's going through a tough time now, and I realize that one of the reasons that the constant need to be doing something, broadly, you can see it in all things. I don't even know why I did it,

59:21 I'm having to do one thing with my foot, It's a really good mental. there's a lot of people This is the real reality of life. watching TV and you haven't done anything to deserve that or getting drunk I can go watch TV and what am I going to regret not doing when I'm 90? I say to myself. I go, what do I want to, what do I want to do? And what am I going to regret not doing when I'm 90?

1:01:07 I just want it just to get a little closer. It's Brian Redband. Maybe he's calling to tell me that the show's calling me during my podcast God damn it It's Brian Redband Sorry guys Oh really Yeah you can't be talking back They're all casual bitch Okay I gotta get in It's really quiet. Well, he keeps backing up. That's what it is. Yeah. Follow him, Redband, on Twitter.

1:02:06 But this idea that we were talking about before possible to do that as a country we just have to get more people in tune to thinking correctly I mean, I might be in my car, retard, whatever it is. But when you can see that, if you can see that, difference between them and me. They were losers where no one who ever watched me that day And the guy was me.

1:04:54 this monkey talk to me like i'm an idiot trying to fuck me yeah exactly and he's just hitting me They're very awkward. well not only that I mean how much did your fucking parents oh yeah that's going to be everybody it's different you know i mean what it is a man is a person who does this is what i believe suck some cock that's that's you may have a PhD in comparative literature

1:08:06 or a guy who's a nurse in a fucking hospital, you know? If you're supposed to be a carpenter, that's what, and it's all mapped out. And he makes a good living. that's when you're're you're fucking yourself man that dude is crushing a room and I want I gotta get back into this you wanted to crush I just weirdo, judgmental dorks want you to do. San Diego.

1:10:36 but you could get fucked there, supposed to happen is you become a comic is you start stripping away all that other stuff and these deep fucking intense conversations. And there's nothing wrong with that. that it's missing in a lot of men Yeah, you don't understand that when you try to not take the hits, You've got to take the hit psychologically. person's guard will go up immediately and you won't see who they really are well think about

1:13:59 and gene simmons like told him not to talk. Yeah, told him he wouldn't be interviewing him. They were just going to make this girl interview him. Like he didn't have to be normal. I want him to like me. Shut your fucking mouth. he'd be like, hey, I'll be your best friend. Isn't that the John John Wolf I'm talking about? Yeah. a little bend to your will a little bit?

1:15:44 I bub slapped. man i i bub slapped I'm Brian Callan and I'm straight guy and if you think I'm waking up every fucking morning at 6 a.m why I wouldn't be into doing it. where I turn into a werewolf? a beautiful love story and it is sad other. You're bitter. I remember you you were like two men making out is in fact hilarious yeah it's Humor is the greatest fucking equalizer speaking of speaking of which you'll kill me

1:18:18 keep it rolling for a little while longer. I've gotta go to the 10-minute podcast. Or is it the American Comedy Club? Just one, right? Me and Doug Benson and Brandon Walsh, we were in town in, and you were there, too, at the Low ceiling. The wait staff's awesome. Wendy is the shit. And she's got another one, the Landmark one. This is going to sound so weird, but I've always wondered, with a building like that,

1:20:30 kind of composition than in a torture chamber or something is it like all that all that positive I know that there's surfer right when when she hears waves for most of us waves are like relaxing her heart starts That's right. that motherfucker's so awesome he's so awesome he's a good guy what a round that was 70 seconds get creeper It's when you have

1:22:57 a lot of people for each other. You got a bad relationship and you haven't worked it bit. You're not in each other's corners. You're not looking out for each other. They would come up to me going, I want to talk to him. That stud that he is. That left hook, Melvin landed, too. He was not okay. And he threatens dudes with triangles and arm bars. He's not just long. He goes for down, man, chances are he's going to threaten you from the bottom. He doesn't get ground and pounded, and he threatens dudes with triangles and arm bars.

1:24:20 I want to see him fight Jose Aldo at 55. and then the cut was harder for him. The heavyweight division is getting deeper and deeper and deeper. Cain just ran through Bigfoot Silva. the other end of the ring and it is his calling when anderson silva steps in that cage he doesn't Well, they were both throwing haymakers, you know, He likes that left high kick with the switch.

1:26:49 instead try to move. and he looks right at you. Oh, man, and he was very confident. Oh, boy. He's the toughest small guy in the world. when it's a real close No doubt about it. And you've got to mark things down. Who does it? but the other dude lands one haymaker. would be but I also think they need slipped yeah you know there's there's all sorts of jobs no it's not you know

1:30:38 It's so fun. right you know like that's just fortunate i matter when you got it that's when you're like hey you and me and Joey Diaz and Brendan Walsh and Doug Benson, That's what, that's what. It's amazing. literally wouldn't even be 50% sure with you have a fraternity you can share it with you know i love watching joey diaz It's the 10-minute podcast.

1:32:57 that Will Sasser does. 10 minutes do some fucking characters on there forget me i did an ostrich expert but that and make something happen. He was telling a story about going through the TSA with weed tucked under his balls It's all online Joey Diaz and the Alex Jones show is a hundred versions of it on YouTube because it's so fuck, did you see that fight?

1:35:15 It's a fucking animal. funny people hanging out together so we're just making each other laugh and brian goes into this it on his video but he put it on there as a fortune cookie you know what i'm talking about is that what they're called He thought it would be really funny. is with Hanato Ranja with him and, you know. anytime you want. Thank you, everybody.

1:37:22 What we're doing right now I got to do my commercial. Let me end this. Thank you to Alienware MMA. 18-inch laptop, and it's We love them as a company. so you can be manly like Brian Callen. Look, we love you. whatever the fuck you're using it for. He's my favorite vegan lefty comedian that weighs eight pounds. we have