Joe Rogan Experience #253 — Andrew Dice Clay, Max Silverstein, Eleanor J. Kerrigan Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! coffee to come out of my cup there's something wrong with the lid you got to pull the lid back She's good for you. You know what? Yeah, we text. So it's not like, you know how they say when you text... I use Commando. Well, let's say you're having a fight with a guy, right? going that way I tried it in my pool it's like I think of what do you want to what kind of car do

2:34 find rats to eat to stay I gotta challenge it too Listen Dodge Why does it take 10 years? Well, they got a sunroof. Ask it when I'm done. I like a big muscle car. It's the craziest car ever. That's the hard part. Well, I think mother time or father time, whatever the fuck it is. No, no. Well, I don't mind shaking hands. Yeah. I know you know what I'm talking about.

6:05 That is just stupid. It's insanity. So it must have been just one Those things aren't hard to get off. You're lassoed. And we don't talk about what the J means. Those are I don't give a fuck sunglasses. Yeah. that I ever get a chance and the last time was Norton before that. And oh my God, did we have a good fucking time. Yeah, it's fresh material.

9:10 that all of a sudden is about politics. one little thing they might have said on stage and then it's a media event. things in comedy is that there's someone like you that says that because from my personal opinion, It's not that the material is... that I said the word fag. an alternative sex style. I don't want to suck dick. So if I'm saying a word like fag,

12:11 But you went through it in a time the therapy. Actually, when my career took off, and my whole family was so excited. The other night, Max was sitting outside and watch everything and see me more. I need to see people. yeah look at my house oh people are just fucking so you with material, because I hate most people. So Pete around them is just... Oh, people are just fucking cocked up.

14:28 Right. You know, but that's where material comes from. You know what I mean? It's true. you fucking rode in on. It's great. Well, I think it's ridiculous. He doesn't like it. I can't believe I'm even working with this person. you know but the thing is talking about the smoking with the night And he's looking, he goes, oh, you can't In a restaurant, it's fucking completely disgusting.

17:44 Because I don't feel they should have that law and I'm nice. cops are trying to chase him. I'm like, the cop could blow And tasering looks fun. I saw it in When somebody's trying to break into his house and a cop tases him, he'll be thanking his fucking ass. That's it. And by the way, I think it should be fucking mandatory Like you're going to, You're going to go out there with a gun and a fucking target and you don't even know how to fight.

19:54 Listen, man. the Paramount Theater interviewing you too. been working on. For yourself Five years ago Two, three, four thousand a good thing. I just I've heard horror stories, guys that are on the job. brooklyn every day into manhattan what pricks people were just to take a seat how they He can dissect. It was horrible. Stay at. Sometimes I call it Valenor and she's Ellery. It at No, no, no Eleanor Eleanor, Valerie, Eleanor Alright, sometimes I call her Valenor

22:37 I go, well, who broke the rack? The trial's still going on. Well, listen, Your father is Andrew Dice Clay. Oh, my dad, oh, nothing. And when you grow up having Andrew Dice Clay as a dad, that's pretty sweet. Well, that's the rehearsal. What a great place. Did they really? I'll put you in the Sinatra room. He was running the Riviera. He got him. He brought it to ten immediately.

25:30 That's a level of he's willing to take it to a dark place. I always loved talking to him. when he was on Sopranos. And now Eleanor's telling me, well, he's first doing it now. Well, he played, the guy that he played was like really demure. I go, what the fuck are you doing on the show then? and never came home. from shooting this special gonna tape two shows yeah i really only wanted to do one but showtime wanted me to do the two

27:36 now. A-R-C-A-D-A Theater. shit and, you know, just go out a winner. and when we went to see that special or whatever you did, Balls out. We got to do some shows. And I told her, And I'll never forget that. It was so silly to him. because of like egos, who goes on after who. Eleanor would be like a wild cat in a room. Yeah, he'd be okay with that. Because you really you know when you get that first shot at the crowd

31:15 300 arena shows, okay? When he does his regular stand-up, I go, I'm not calling you as an opening act. That's up to him. And now, like I'm telling you, I feel no pressure to close the show. a music stand with And I'm back there going, fucking say something. But now the promoter comes. He goes, I don't want to give money back. We got to get this guy gone on stage for four minutes? Four minutes, he comes off But now the promoter comes

33:58 Just go out there So he goes on and maybe a third of the crowd is left. And after the show, he's making all the excuses. And I want to say, asshole, why on earth would you ever want to follow a guy that's done the fucking Rose Bowl? That's how I look at this guy. It's just like doing this movie. I got you. All fucking day long. what I mean? Yes, definitely. And again,

36:28 It really pisses me off when guys like you or guys like Norton or anybody who does something that's particularly dirty or crass, whatever, Just because it's harder to make something clean and clever I've been going all over the country preparing the specials Oh, yeah. It's not so dirty when you're talking about everything that goes on in life Yeah, they're hardcore.

38:03 I am trying to say something nice about you. Defend my honor. Thank up. Shut your mouth. You took a 15 minute intermission. I am trying to say something nice about you. Because they don't want you. It's all Joey Diaz and Ari Shaffir and Duncan Trussell Yeah with the fucking prayer. Oh it's genius. And he didn't do it the way I wanted. But that's when people would stay out late.

39:39 the laughs are going to be easy. ever came out to LA Well, my parents, bits together of making them laugh you know years ago Here she is. she looked at me and said, I used to be really good at this. I'm thinking what? Take it a That the next day, after you've done everything to them, my friend's going. Load after fucking load. Which was ridiculous.

42:19 and the next day forget it. Please. Girls today at 19 feel if they didn't post a picture of their asshole lips on the internet, I guess people don't like I don't want to and then the asshole we would just leave it alone Eleanor's gonna be in Chicago. We just picked up It is. So when we go on the road together, it's just... She really is. And everybody tried to talk you...

44:51 And I would tell her. You know why? Now I get the call because I was having all these fights at the comedy store for like about six, seven months. Dom Irera, and Like a Jew can't be good looking from Brooklyn and have a fucking attitude if he's not Italian, right? get in his face and straighten him out. of him. and he's and i slam him against the wall as his head breaks a fucking one of the eight by tens on the wall

47:19 I'm like, why the fuck would you even put yourself because she has broken up about five fights at the comedy store. I'm telling you what the fuck he said. So I'm actually going to pick up Dylan, who's doing Hebrew lessons. So we, Well, She's sticking up. I don't give a fuck about Dom. It had a lot to do with it. It was affecting every night at the store.

49:31 I enjoy it. Yeah, first of all, a complete pimp move. And when I actually started coming on to her, arguments and fights I was getting at in the comedy store that she didn't come to Eleanor now, and I'm coming down from the whole Sometimes, yeah. Yeah. Because if he didn't, God forbid. Like the whole thing is so cartoonish. I would see arguments go on between two men

52:45 between me and him i go but it's my mother i know what my mother is where was this you know this is So all these fights would start I was bar mitzvahed. But it's not like you ever said that you were Italian. So they assume, oh, it's Italian. It's not a thing that only Italians talk about. I grew up with a lot of Irish dudes who've been... throwing his right hook.

55:00 tickling you. Tremendous guy. And he was a fucking animal. Did you call her a psycho? Did you listen to me? No, she didn't listen to me. What, I said that that was. You know what that was? That was to make sure that she's listening. Did you listen to me? She's really beautiful, by the way. Of course Like when you walked away You know you're scary man I've been around pretty girls

56:52 In that case, relationships are always worth it. Even though me and Eleanor broke up, Obviously. We're not interrupting. Yeah, this is a conversation. It's called conversation, Eleanor. You're interrupting him right now. We're talking. We're not interrupting. Not even once. you got to say it. and I'm basically insignificant. Girls, I can say whatever I want.

58:21 If we do the road, that's where you break my balls with the cigarettes I like being around you. For ten years, he made me quit. You know, there's just or give you advice. But also, you know, As a human being, he's got a right to make a choice. I'll just quit, and that'll be it. He said his brain was firing slower. and smoked some fat Cuban cigars before.

1:00:45 I take one hit off a cigar, I feel stoned. The shamans will blow We had a guy on the podcast. It's the paper. Well, it's not just the paper. What's in the chemical? There's chemicals that's mixed into delivery method that's been designed to make sure that you're addicted. It's the paper. Unbelievable. But that's an insane amount of number of chemicals.

1:02:35 and most of them designed to make you addicted. there I've like almost like a retards brain I have it's it's very like half Yeah, it's amazing. No, that was because I was in my car. So you're doing a podcast. He asked me if I like the Porsche. It is. Old school. Wait a minute. First of all, because you couldn't The audience at home is not going to give a fuck about who crashed your old car.

1:05:14 See? It's a big trunk. You know, Joe, how I film everything. these little shows He would have like, I was shooting a TV show, But it was all handheld camera about the episodes. if we were in the comedy store kitchen, I'm trying to get my shot here. No, Wheels does his own thing. He's in Vegas and he's in the other places. So someone else wrote that for him.

1:07:35 I said, okay, I play a lot of pool too. Because Joe's an amazing that he plays you can't play pool. No, but he is a professional liar. Put it on a tab. You can't fuck with anybody. He was hired from some company. He put on a suit and tie five in the morning he's getting dressed and show And make a lot of money doing it. I go, what's going on? You know, he, you know, wheels, other,

1:10:01 He brought some of his food to the comedy store He's a very good cook. Yeah, she would work for him. So what? It's fun. Yeah, but it was like menthols. Right. my shot if I don't The girls that were doing the show. We got to talk about Dice is special. I went to see her wrestle professionally. He could break the puss. We bought waitresses, comics. Doing a tumble salt in the ring.

1:13:15 Eleanor and I used to do this thing. It's not happening. Dice, Dice, Dice, Dice, Dice. And she would dig in her apron and go in this whole routine, It's funny. She was doing that during the show. No, show this is the kind of shit she would do i'm going and she's helping We all knew. If anybody knew and went on stage, is that guy any funnier? Just do one joke.

1:15:32 Do Dom. But she knows every comic. You run the risk of maybe covering once she realized this was a big TV and get in here for a while Right. fucking laughing. they'll get all defensive. and I overlap on a fleshlight joke You thought. It's no big deal. And then you really can't do the bit because it's so similar, thing about I don't want to say it you you know, with the, uh, with the, uh, whispered in the microphone

1:18:38 It's like air. And that's something stupid like that. Young girls have it. Where? Yeah, I think he was on... It's a joke. Everybody's defensive about... and in comedy there's certain things sex especially is that which is always going to be hilarious it and I think it would be great. Yeah, see, that's my thing. We were fucking howling. and that's the best compliment

1:21:50 I just don't because I don't feel camaraderie. so quick, so quick. and I'm sure it was hard work a lot of comics have that. I love Stan. I could quit comedy I can't fucking do it. Even if I text you late at night, pool hustler. No, but I'm saying this is the day time. I don't get anything done during the day. I get my workouts in. That's when I call Opie and Anthony.

1:24:50 I always know he's a great guy, A lot of people don't realize let me just give him credit this the reason why we're doing this podcast today is because of This is terrible. with holding a fucking M16. He loves to drink. Kraft Steak is in MGM. You get the grass-fed ribeye. Do not my favorite. You get the grass-fed ribeye. I never went there. We had a great meal.

1:27:04 You were performing! talk to him about that for a minute because... The kid was flying. Do we get to hear it? Holy shit, dude! With him watching it in a corner. called Outlaw. And he's going, You get jealous of his feet. Yeah. And then you see that, which we call- a it's an iphone camera so the the sound quality is not the best you have to see it if you see it

1:30:50 only soloing And how old are you now? your fucking hands I'm embarrassed to say. Love that place. By my friend. if you don't know they're punching you. Well, I'm saying a little girl can headbutt a big, giant dude. They don't realize it's a skill. It's a rhythm. It's ridiculous. He's a great guy, too. If you want to know about drumming, Are you sure you didn't mean to do it?

1:34:06 you probably got a good punch. Yeah. I've actually been thinking that. Because in a real life situation, there's going to be a lot of craziness going on. So the other person gets cocky. Because I know there's some people that can do some crazy shit to your body. Yeah. That would drive me crazy. Eleanor and I used to have mock wrestling matches It was a Sunday night, and it's usually dead.

1:37:01 how's that feel that must be nice down It always feels good But you know You know No I'm serious Come on, son. I really appreciate that. You're a famous guy. You go to clubs. You go out me in that way. How does anybody get to live that life? Stop and think about everything. I really appreciate that. Yeah, I don't do it, but you know what? she's just hanging out and she won't let anybody and plus they'll put big security this was funny when we

1:38:51 There was like 10,000 people at that first place. That's right, Max. It was a fetish ball. And then people thought he was Dice. So I hear this guy go, Dice, Dice. knocked him the fuck out. It was his but he's my friend but they're yelling you're going to punch him in the head It's just funny. You know, because it sounded like a drunk guy. And I'm sure you

1:41:27 Yeah it's crazy When he saw me That's why I drop people and there's a river of people I just don't have a fuse And he was nervous to even say it. And I picked out like a Chinaman to take the pictures because I know they make the cameras. And I actually dedicated my Asian-al bit to them because they were dead center. But, yes, I brought the guy up from the crowd

1:43:22 Let's take a couple pictures. with everybody. a thousand people and they get pissed off no I mean I can it's really fucking hard standing, and I go, well, how long does it take to take? with the filming. Fucking asshole human beings. He was just filming me and Valerie. You're in the public eye. Yeah. So they want to challenge you in front of that chick.

1:45:34 And right in front of your chick. enough and you know. in the business that has no and I hear from the mic, the stage, this guy just, screaming about whatever you were you know your bits and about you know you know fucking this too? You want to tell me that And it's one of the reasons why we all became so strong. And he looks at me and goes, comedy store, motherfucker.

1:48:17 And girls, they were doing it the other night. Tony. It's not when you actually start the roller skating part. You got to talk about his history, And then he goes into the bit of Tony roller skating. I was like, why would I want you to not do that bit? People want to equate other people's success with somehow or another that takes away from you. who do big places and they bring up guys who shouldn't be allowed to ever do comedy.

1:50:50 Simone wasn't booked as a comic. Because I wouldn't want them thinking about the act that they have i just want them instantly to walk out and do that i did it I know if they suck. So if they're just ha, ha, ha, Right. It's so dumb. Redband. No, Redman. to be whatever. Joey J, my new buddy. Juicy Joe. Double J. A nickname now It's a good You'll have no choice

1:53:29 You know what I mean? The number for the theater is 630-962-7000. in 17 fucking years. It's called Dice. Indestructible. Indestructible. You see, you changed it back. Changed it back? No, don't talk the name of the special. You're with me. I know, but... It's called Dice, Indestructible. Well, you know, we could... That's what I want to give people.

1:55:55 I think that's a compliment. So it was almost like getting a sucker punch. It was like hateful towards you were being hateful. All the shows like Oh, you know how many rap songs I'm in? EMF. I let them sample me because they called my office and said they're writing a song about me. and they wanted me to be the presenter, beeping. You know, even my manager

1:58:03 from doing one show at a 20,000 seat arena You doing The Tonight Show is not nearly as impactful type, like I talk about the comics okay. Well he doesn't help Norton a lot. No, he doesn't give a fuck. got hold of this fucking boulder do this asshole that that I don't like because they really I don't know. on the run. The last time I saw him, and he goes,

2:01:27 You're hosting a fucking talk show that to me is old fucking hat. minutes give a guy five minutes to make it. Kimmel does it. because you're a friend of his, so I'm going to let it go. Real fucking jerk off. you know like then i can't do that anymore you're a good friend you know what it's a good guy And as far as the cleaner guys, I would have to say he's just, you know.

2:03:54 But I go from what's behind closed doors. It's fun. that it just I know the bit You know, that to me is... And I understand why because I know the kind of guy you are. You did throw somebody out that night throw somebody you did you did yeah like Well, that's why I want him out. And then I thought, you know, with the band coming out, Sit in the corner for 30 seconds.

2:06:05 Why would you do that? I don't know what, you know, I'm coming to get you. And like, you know, now and then I get the real asshole. So they come to throw the guy out. he was fighting for the guys here. He's swinging the stick. They're filming anything. Why didn't the guy They're already working on it. You could get navigation Well what happened to progress And technological innovation? It's gonna keep going You're going to be able to broadcast the video. What happened to figuring shit out? What happened to fun? Well, what happened

2:08:31 that people want and they never stop. Which is going to lead to my retirement. She always talks about it. No I don't have an ass She's got plenty Broad woman She's got another ass job. She wants more videos. Even the movie she did. great work well she thinks that and you look at look at it you watch when they What the fuck is that? She's, listen, don't get me wrong.

2:11:02 Not this part. That is not real, man. Which, by the way, she had a beautiful body to begin with. The lips don't work. You should get the tits. I'd probably have giant tits. Put little crutches in front of me and I'll walk like that. 300. I agree I don't know about you She lost her Right here. Pull her right out of that pool and lick it. It looks like the little girl for the suntan ad.

2:13:33 I'm not buying it either. I'm not afraid. You can show an ass. All these filthy fucking slobs out there. So she got the spray tan machine. I'm trying to promote Valerie. I do know when to talk with a spray tanning party. just in her panties. Because, you know, that's like the one thing Eleanor's got going on. Then she's just eating too much ranch dressing.

2:15:37 Where'd the picture come from? I thought there was only one. Oh, I can't believe you're seeing my nice body I don't care. That's it? And what's the PGW about then? I'm not really a girl. You're just overlapping. The Arcata Theater. people are going to fucking demand you produce more of that. It was a fucking awesome time seeing you in Vegas, I was just going to say.

2:17:55 I agree. It fires me up creatively when I go see a show. I mean, I don't know how much better you got, Thank you. And do Nixon jokes and shit But it was back when I was like finally you know Every night before she goes on, we pound each other, It's the only way to do it. they bring up the same subjects on purpose. I'm very spoiled being with Andrew.

2:20:41 I just say, when you peak, just get off. Are you on a plane? And then just put Dice versus Eleanor you can't fake your arguments well Brian Callen Chris D'Elia No, but you annoy me. You jump at me for no reason. I'm the boss. I do not. You're welcome, Joe. to have full death squad support for almost 25 years we fucking howled go out and see it Thanks to Alienware for sponsoring us and giving us these badass fucking computers.

2:23:10 This is what's important to me. Oh, no, because it looks like an alien bug. Oh, hell yeah. It's a real computer. Well, the guy I deal with, No, but they probably got them in the trunk. What, Joe Rogan? I sell them. The kettle bowl. Ak-bowl. You can take Hemp Force. It's expensive. No, no, no. None of that. fart, man. They give you They're the best quality athletic and sports equipment things that are available, and that's

2:27:04 You're done. Oh, yeah, that's right. And maybe a special guest. I mean we have to show up at every city bye Thank you.