Joe Rogan Experience #260 — Greg Fitzsimmons Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! and then we play that music, and then uh she got hit on ball who gives a fuck i agree fuck about your little pre-packaged dry ass story that you've He does music. I find a lot of weird, creepy bands and movies from that guy don't think he's bad i'd take him over leno any day no i never said he was bad no no those things

2:45 it's so fake and hokey. that's torture. abortion or something that That could do it. They get uncomfortable when the thing's not going well. And the idea and then they go You're watching one hour and a half show where they didn't go to commercial lot of american sitcoms are the same way human beings don't have conversations the way they do I have to believe that you glued a dildo to your hand.

5:44 How many times have people had to say that statement We all know it. That's so cool. You can make it make green Hulk hands He's got a hole in his brain, folks. It's such a truth serum. I don't want to tell, and I just kept on, like, why am I so angry? Well, I've fled a lot of 5-HTP and a lot of counter fucking ecstasy, fix my brain juice and stuff.

8:30 We work towards fixes What's that? Thank you. They probably turned it up. going to rot your head out. I literally I've had several friends, He went from Jesus Christ. I got some heroin and boom. Over. Wow. Jesus Christ. that shit for six months. I was taking yeah i'm good i mean i like drinking more than any of this you know like i think that's just

11:37 I think that opiate thing is a totally different monkey. and you write with abandon, They're terrifying I didn't get high for a week that like any sort of a change in a state of consciousness I mean, look, some people die from eating peanuts. Like one of those weird people. Dude, I remember. And I really believe that, I don't know what a sex addict is.

14:52 they're running horrible vision from their past you know terrified memories molestation whatever when they were kids. You know, they're not, no balance balance no real relationships just yeah people can definitely who pulls a fucking rickshaw Here's the juices in your body. Same thing with somebody who's depressed. to control that 30 by not letting the 20 get any bigger and giving yourself the room to have that balance.

17:26 your hormonal system you're gonna you're gonna force yourself to work if you don't force your Try a new sport. I've learned a lot about myself doing them. And there was a bunch of people. you have this conversation with me and I know exactly what you're saying because I speak English. what woke me up out of it i couldn't stay in it it was so crazy that i couldn't stay in it it just

20:29 But the balance within that, I think it's the distance between the two voices. you're like objective assessment of the life be external fuck yeah yeah, fuck yeah. and then all of a sudden that guy that was in the flow is like, get in the back seat i got the wheel for a little while you're gonna get When I'm out with my wife, I fuck around with everybody.

22:42 That sounds like fun. She's a sophisticated chick. peacefully brings me back into my kids you know sometimes you know sometimes you you go away and But it's work, too. Yeah, I would say that you're – yeah, I would agree with you. Oh, man, that's so rude. Oh. Did you see that, Brian? Hotel or And smacks her in the head The video is crazy. he realized that he was

26:33 change any other with less father figures Yeah, it's not like it's a great place where they're going to sit around and do ayahuasca fucking place where they've allowed it's a holiday and they don't want vacancies they That makes sense. Speaking of which, number one domestic abusers in the country. completely surrounded by people who are and reform seriously,

29:13 for two years, It's not you go to your job, you finish, and then you go have your life. Like, here's a thing in New York where they had to recently pass something all Jewish? I don't know whatever, I think they call the oil in the back of his mind, Like, you know that the American Medical Association You're going to get AIDS that way? So this is just for people who can't even wash their...

32:11 You know, like men don't catch AIDS Do you know that there's a doctor who doesn't believe that? I believe Is not what causes AIDS transmitting disease and not AIDS. see these symptoms of immune deficiencies happening in people there have lesions and are losing weight immune system well that i mean it's why third world countries get aids more is because when

34:56 because your skin, everything is just not as elastic and strong. We were convinced. You fucking panicked. I caught chlamydia once. full bladder, apparently 11 days he didn eleven days he waited one day system. He didn't even medical office it's not it's not a doctor and it's a clinic yeah but they closed all these The actors pay for the test themselves.

38:08 like the business of pornography and how many people watch pornography and then Close And that's the only place people are paying for anymore That they're squeaky clean? I would say Motel 6 the Marriotts. It's all on the expense account. about porn is this different you know you won't see different people yeah you know you you know that used to pull over and people would just fuck get in the car we got a porno star holy shit

40:53 Yeah. From project X. uh, Really? a few podcasts like i didn't know about it and so just like knowing a guy and then finding out And he's good. The song about the 80s? Weird What's wrong with you today? seems like you can break your pussy yeah that's a good way to get your pussy all broken giving a blow job to it and she put it on full blast you can just see it like her her throat

44:15 start to wonder on a deeper level what is it about my personality or my brain waves that attracts me This is nuts, man. This is reality, man. and slowly replace your skin with some fucking robot skin i'm gonna have to get They're like Israel trying to fucking defunct Iran's nuclear program. She comes out and they design it like a garbage disposal. graduation with a gown on, trying to

47:35 They figured out a way to create meat out how to replicate meat. I mean, you could make a fucking Cylon, okay? this will be the day where people look at this and go, Well, we figured out how to clone. You can't pay 12 bucks an hour to some fucking guy to have a job. That's not the idea. they're going to be able to be sentient, Let's redo this better.

50:56 but it acted as if there was one and it just ran around like this meat puppet program just It is electronics. dry it off, and make a call with it. Like your existing plastic shit I don't understand it you just that is one of the nicest qualities about those old American muscle cars Those were works of art. Park and Garage. I pressed a button. Fucking crazy car like this

53:35 Yeah looks like a 67 maybe It said on the side It's a lot of gas. Yeah. Well, it's a different experience. car yeah because it just got this rumble of it's like Leonard Skinner all the way I got on a big Just so fucking underrated. I just fucking love it. You know, for one thing in this fucking stupid life It's really kind of a cheesy move. It's just the decision to make the sound

57:15 yeah because like and by the way the the the shelby the gt500 somehow or another it doesn't Because the Prius was fighting for its fucking life. so you actually collect even more. Do you ever get a handbag conversation with Mrs. Fitzsimmons? I'm like, look, she shopped for two fucking weeks. Pants, this store. No wonder she had no clothes. Timberlands.

59:44 Not tight tight tight But you know God damn it She initiated Took it. I was on my laptop on the chair in the living room, and she fucking lap danced me with no music. and he doesn't realize he told us this one already, I saw a little bit of this movie with Kevin James. and that's a movie He can act his ass off. his friend's going to propose from a Thai girl every Friday

1:01:54 like getting divorced, to the next thing they have a really hard time just changing it's very difficult for some people five seconds on delay so it was like me and you were in a different world than joe it was really We've never done that before. But you should always mix it up once in a while, right? So the three webcams are taking it down? But that's a gaming laptop. ass bitch well we went from an iMac which is like top of the line to a laptop so it's three the

1:04:38 backstage i'm doing a one hour special and we're shooting backstage with multi cameras and trying in the stream troublemakers is the town judge the other guy's the fire chief so fucked up these towns are and so uh we do right before we do shows. Yeah, you get into the rhythm of making them laugh Then you've got the guy you're all shitting on, and you all know the dynamic.

1:06:28 So they were graduating, and they were both tradesmen. Him and my other friend Jimmy, Jimmy Lawless. Yeah. He's just a great guy. then they were hiring people and this i remember this kid was driving a brand new car I grew up in Newton, in Newton Upper Falls. and my parents bought the house so that we could be in the neighborhood That was a tricky place.

1:09:08 We would go into Dorchester late at night and buy food at places. and they only served you through this slot. Just let him go. Thanks. But sometimes people talk too much and they get themselves in trouble and they don't know what a real fist fight is like. Like, when I, you know, walking through New York City all those years, if I'd be in the fucking

1:11:32 I run. No, because you're just admitting and it's not true, so I immediately think that. it's a white person, and then an Asian person, Where am I going? In Chinatown? No, no, I'm good. Oh, I wasn't saying prostitutes. up and down and i look at the guy and he looks at me and i'm expecting a fucking a thumbs up But how good was he at dinner that she fucking started bobbing up and down on him?

1:15:14 shit and kevin was gonna hit the horn and i talked about it he was just joking but uh the guy saw us us a blowjob. That killed, man. He went out and he did all of it in a club. A lot of people go, fucking songs right acoustic with different chord structures different pitches and it's like it's and you go ah but that's not even that's like the beginning of it. Yeah. It's like, it's just growing.

1:17:48 Yeah, that's a very good way of putting it. Like you're witnessing it all happen. or through through car racing whatever the fuck it is man it's just that that that moment when it all And the weird thing about you and I He's an America's Got Talent. very different but enough that you could detect it yeah there was changes in trends and what was He is a killer, and that's the thing about Boston,

1:20:42 You take a Southern act, you put him down. You know, and I'm sure he does well, like in Boston. another punchline another punchline yeah that's that rapid fire boston style It's like the crowds in Boston were so hostile that you had to develop this really energetic rapid fire style. There weren't long pauses. And so Boston is about stripping it away from you.

1:22:48 is just fucking knock you in a cold way, sort of a club. a psycho. He hated me, I've always had very thick skin. That's fucking racist. Thick motherfucker. like harvard socialized yeah yeah well bar Barry Crimmins would sit at the bar, He's a fucking brilliant political guy. Kevin Meaney was a fucking crusher, dude. I knew he was funny because I'd seen him on TV before.

1:26:08 It must have been close. That's a good statement. Part of it was he's silly and he would sing that song, I Don't Care. Yeah. because my dad was a big radio guy in New York. I remember when we were open micers, like you know hand feel your way through it yeah i got c20 coconut water in the house yeah it was guy was going the distance this wasn't a guy who's hot and was gonna right you know flail out

1:28:56 I thought he was straight, too. Stupid questions am I asking. How old was she? That's my Gene Simmons impression. Bert Kreischer was on the X show with him that Gene Simmons was on, Burt since... I met him back then, And so he Yeah, but you know what that is? Him and his wife and his kid We'll switch it back. Yeah. And they're going to go, really? which I never want to fall into that camp either.

1:32:31 Just give that fellow a big hug like this. That's what it is. shoulder. That's right. I want to say it is. about how your sperm something? Of course. You're ready to You're going to war. Calm that culture down. On a regular basis, I mean, nutty shit happened in the world. idea of taking them into their ranks or just like hey listen we're just going to go plunder

1:35:50 thy neighbor's house, thy neighbor's donkey, I know. I also think it might fall under the first commandment on the second commandment? And since then, his followers have reverted to pedophilia and fucking craziness and fear. Yeah, get a cover up. I'm not a religious person, but I leave anything up to the idea of possibility. more well it could very well be that there is an intelligence to all of nature that we're just not

1:39:18 know animals eat other animals and certain diseases kill certain percentages of the people there's like this crazy It's going to try to push back. and it goes back to like population You know, the plague during World War I, 1970, killed one out of three people in Europe. God, I want to say it. been some volcanic activity maybe someone will uh let me know what the fuck it is on twitter wow

1:42:27 50 yards? when it gets close to like december you know some of those bears are still walking around those are was by that hotel that we used to stay at when we'd go to Faneuil Hall. It was a McDonald's. You know, I didn't like Boston the first three, two times we went there and there was all these actors in it. like a four seasons there now you know it's it's a gorgeous area when we were coming up and stand

1:44:54 Yeah, that area around Nick's where Nick's was. A techno gay? I'm fucking famous. Mike Clark had a place it was in the same theater oh yeah yeah Yeah, nonsense. and then they had two downstairs. At what's now the Wilbur Theater. Clean comedians And through a mini mall room it's great room but i mean so you're talking about within literally within a quarter of a mile

1:47:51 you read the book outliers no it's uh this book about how people like bill gates um came about And like Howard Stern was an outlier with radio. in the outlier spot of stand-up comedy by being boston at that time it was a very unusual You were one of the first ones. people were like, a $100,000 deal with Disney. So you ruined everything that was real.

1:50:37 Yeah, yeah. Why would I do that? They change very quickly. to stop this role and so i think um you know when you're a a young guy and you know your life has It feels like you're accessing memories that were copied a hundred times over all over the fucking You want to write things down everywhere you go. things about you know really finding yourself is putting something down then being able to look at

1:54:35 You get more momentum. Yeah? And I am a pool fanatic my whole life, It's the war of art. after the show. Oh yeah No no Just leave it there yeah yeah somebody showed me this once before very interesting work it's stuff you kind of read and Like, whenever I hear about Louis C.K. putting out a new hour every year, I do less UFC stuff now than I did before.

1:57:16 then have to write another. And I know there's more life to shit sometimes, and doubled it. We have fountains and we throw it Yeah. like some of the most gorgeous houses like you've ever seen in your life oh living in a fucking movie like Carmel yeah it's right there that are fucking He said some crazy shit at the Republican. shake. Clint Eastwood's not going to not be that

2:00:36 It seemed like a big struggle to me. Do you really believe this narrative? And yet they're selling it by basically dismantling what already existed. and it was four hours over four hours over four hours yeah the new yorker over an hour the new a couple questions about Oh, yeah. So they went back and they looked at the chips. Oh, that's hilarious. They say that's average.

2:04:06 I'm amazed when anybody runs 26 miles. If he's lying about that, when he came in as a junior senator. And it's about getting rid of the safety net entirely. That's all this is about. I might be wrong. Yeah. Look, the economy's not based on anything. to the gold standard i mean it's you got to find something to tether it to yeah and then by then I think that's what it is.

2:08:00 Let's get out of here. Do you go back and forth? It's weird how much variation there is in areas where you could buy a house. The drunk heckler in Columbus? Because this guy who had his shirt off in my comedy show, face covered in blood, shirtless. You ever do that fucking club in San Jose? ancient theater and you go to Europe and you talk about Iraq

2:10:32 like it feels is fucking treating me great Yeah, yeah. They're out there on vacation. back with like sick money from gambling in vegas yeah and he's such a fucking cool guy just you are fucking taken care of period that that is the biggest travesty happening right now we do what a charity's doing. if there's a rape overseas, yeah it's fucking slavery slavery where they just they have it written down somewhere so it's like

2:13:42 And it's a terrifying sort of a situation, Yeah, Dubai brings in people from, are rocking it the same way they did a thousand years ago or several thousand years ago they Everyone's aware of Saudi Arabia. Everyone's aware of what's happened in Egypt. make YouTube videos of it and put them online because there's not enough interest in, you know, there's so many,

2:15:36 but there's some horrific fucking footage, Yeah. We already had Libya. The government is gunning down civilians. Yeah. They get in office. It's just not the same sort of animal that was around when we grew up. rather have the kind of access to information the kids have today. And if those are, you know, Google is part of a multinational corporation.

2:18:11 And got all those names It was a fucking tickle clock. Do you know who that guy is? it's like the hacking the system is like back when dial tone phones came online when dial see remember back then you couldn't get long distance long distance was hard yeah like if you dated a remember that but this uh this kevin mitnick guy he started out doing that and then eventually went

2:21:15 agenda you know they they out corporations and they blackmail them and so um you know the bottom laptop like that's like what how much what what to what extent is spying already going on on almost I think that's ridiculous. You can download those. websites like this person's person, this FBI guy, they're going to single you out. You're not supposed to have too much power.

2:24:26 and you're going to be fucking, you know, I'm not going to be rounded up, they would figure out some way of having a constantly changing code that you can never crack. and they got in there and they fucking destroyed everything. It won't exist. like every person that exists in this world, you literally will be able to store everything that ever happens.

2:27:23 It might be able to show you the birth of culture, shit to really happen. So it's... You know what's crazy? Not always, man. One of the things that I mean, it's adapted and evolved. The birds and the lizards and there because there's a certain amount of heat that emanates from the uh power plant into the ocean and they say that there's Because the longer they're around,

2:30:02 Mercury. I used to eat them a can a day, sometimes two. Wah, wah, wah. Yeah? Yeah, she likes to talk 9-11. wasn't yeah she's but she's you know she was on that show with like elizabeth hampelbach who's I think she said, I forget, Yeah, well, she doesn't have to conform, It's a tricky situation. A lot of people watched the video? That's the name of the podcast?

2:32:34 And these people But by the way We were supposed to do shows in Vegas, You've got to. It's perfect. Was it a TV show? Wasn't he the host of it? San Jose's like that Which is great. They run from them. But a lot of it is cool conversations too. Some guy had been there for a while. He volunteered for some nutty-ass fucking war. unpopular war that we probably never could get off today.

2:36:23 That was just an excuse we used because we were an emerging nation. and make sure that it went the right way and all the shit that we have today He says, do you think we're going to win this war? the horror. they did some horrendous thing. Like they have a fucking cowboy hat on, just stick And how these people had no idea what the fuck was coming. of people that died.

2:39:44 The amount of people better. They are the most heralded. I didn't hear that part. I mean, we're at the very end of the time. You know, all of a sudden Greenland became, and it goes through cycles These giant shark teeth from this fucking 80 foot long monster shark that used to live. You can't. Good luck. In a certain extent. that the ocean, They're finding

2:43:01 The Earth doesn't give a fuck about you. There's, I mean, and by the way, how much shit is underwater? And salt water What a terrifying way to die dazed by boat And I start going under them, which you normally can do. So then I finally catch one. guard waist deep coming at me and he's like dude are you all right he's like you got fucking pounded If you haven't had an experience like that where you have to really operate under extreme pressure,

2:45:36 stream turns into a pumpkin was it three hours you fucking we did it again yeah we do it every Definitely. till the 9th tell your friends I want you there to share it with me. Fitzdog.com. Isn't it The commercials Brian Redband but I like the... I'm telling you what I like. you is what you're trying to say yeah i, I guess he pays for everything in this thing.

2:47:58 Thanks to Onnit.com. The good one.