Joe Rogan Experience #270 — Kevin Pereira Transcript

Transcript

0:00 I finished. Oh, shit. world, man. What year was it? We went to Things Remembered after the first show, and we got one of those little heartbreak necklaces. is the female? Is the male the arrow that goes draw that well I need a symbol. Well, I'll tell you what, My dad's not going to pirate that album. on leo laporte's show that was wild oh leo laporte was awesome man i used to love that show my wife

2:53 But it's wild the notion that on television, where they're trying to reach a very broad audience, Look, there was a UFC this weekend where these guys fought for the flyweight title. Some people are doing 30, 40 minute long shows on YouTube that are actually doing pretty well. and i i was like there's no way. mind there's a real like regeneration and refreshing of the mind when you have these

5:33 talk show where you have three and a half minutes, Just because This is what you're trying to do, right? i got a couple in the air i'm sure you do but what i'm saying is your gift is that you're an There's no better, like, expression or portal for expression for you than a podcast where you can control, hours. my drumming, You're more of like a gay crush.

8:02 That's about it. and she wanted to fight me off and i was like i feel like that sentence followed with your honor well first she was asking for it we were in an alley she said And, you know, I don't want to do that. Here's the thing. Oh, Dale. and it would ruin the fantasy. always want to so after they've She's crying, thinks the real thing has happened.

10:59 Whoa. that's a fucked up story a rape fantasy the other be willing to fulfill it in that capacity and go for it and and then No, no, no. It might have been Louis C.K. There's no, no should really mean no. Like, sorry you didn't want to be crime earlier in life or something? No. depends you say it's over but i saw cindy crawford who was like almost 50 or she might be 50 and she

13:51 based on a magazine cover, in other promotional pictures, type thing going on. and monitor her later? Vision Quest. Would you have to awkwardly fast forward the cassette Stop. But it sucked because the fucking cassette thing was too big. That's all I can think I just like that you took a flex break. Come on. What if a fucking bear was trying to get you and the eyelash fell in your eye?

16:29 They're like, we don't really need eyes anymore. There's no way around it. I've been going there with my family. hate the idea of i don't mind the idea of hunting i think the hunting is the way people are supposed Because at least if you're hunting an animal, Like a zebra and a bunch of different animals and but even that to me it's like that still seems to be better than

18:46 And they don't even fucking give them Wi-Fi. Have you ever seen that? actually hunt and they're eating too many people we got to start jacking them which by the way if i lived in india It makes them irritated all the time. shore jumped back in the water to go get the other guys and did it again did it three times because they can. Yeah. Oh, there it is, yeah.

21:29 and then get back to his feet and run away. Oh, there's a live cow. That's fucking crazy. Well, something that serves that purpose, though. But if you take them somewhere and show them some actual real shit, that has a different impact on them. You can't see anymore. It's like an unexpected turn. and then eventually we went with pure You're saying they all look the same, and I see completely different personalities.

24:19 I mean, on Salvia, I've experienced the universe, and that what you're saying is probably not real. and what people don't understand is like oh he's impaired he's on the pot when i'm on the pot okay done mushrooms that it seems like a recreational silly type activity it doesn't seem like there's they are not the news cogs in a machine owned by corporations to to facilitate an agenda it's

27:36 No, this is a fucking whole civilization And the actual reported figures of unemployment which means if 25% is statistically unemployed, it. There's a huge amount of people out there that have fucking thrown in the towel. regular folks but these people these people are fighting for their jobs right now just as the We are this population. and pushing him down.

29:53 and, I mean, that's why this kind of dissent might be a thought leader. at the end what aspect of his things like civil unions gay rights yeah like gay rights that's a is really sick. And this You're telling me that the DEA That's why I'm always against the medicinal marijuana argument There's people who have cancer, and marijuana is the only thing that gives them an appetite.

32:59 you're talking out of your ass. Yeah, he was having his maid go out and buy his his oxys for him Yeah. by thousands of, not thousands, that's hyperbole, by hundreds of sorted papers that is inefficient, ineffectual, And in their defense, You're the prisoner. for people that aren't law enforcement officials having uh like markings the shit actually gets real to mace you and frisk you yeah i've never had a problem at the tsa ever

35:52 I'm friendly as shit What I've heard Because the flight itself is incredibly radioactive. in power to do these no-bid contracts to put in these machines which by the way most most security from people going through those machines, I look good naked, dude. Do you think it doesn't make you any safer? Metal detector, if you want to scan the baggage, that's fine.

38:18 It was box cutters. With a box cutter radio. Oh, I do. They're a good sponsor, a school or a footlocker in a mall or a stadium or a concert venue those machines are going to they said you have to go this way did you have to is that the law yeah at this point i didn't have And there's a long line for the rapid scan machine Well are they really saying that it's not safe?

41:22 It sounds crazy. So I say, My belongings Your belongings are fine. She was stemming. as strangers are groping her and, you know, swiping, swabbing her seat. He's trying to calm is because after my pat down, machines which we spent that mean? Well, it's a chemical. It'd be used answer it. Third person asked you if you had been to a farm. No, they did not. But the third

43:53 as these three people are going all over. I mean, he's been in there for a good 15 minutes They grab my belongings and start walking them away. private screening room. alone who else am i going to call fucking ghostbusters am i going to bring tsa in here the room. Oh, sir, that machine's calibration is off. That's why it's here. They have it in the

46:01 there's nothing wrong with this situation. Guy comes back, tells me I'm clear. I leave the room, and I see the father is still there struggling with his daughter. that doesn't cost them and he sort of looked down the same people, it's just they reach the people having jobs, but we need of people using airplanes, hijacking airplanes. no one will ever

47:55 And air marshals too. if some wacky motherfucker of fucking airports so there's no way they're really paying attention and monitoring it on a really intense level But that I have another issue with I see. spaceship that's a spaceship it is in the technology in it like it's pretty close to a i'm just kind of zoning out i'm not I mean, it's much safer to use those systems on a highway

50:43 because it's the race car, the GT3, because it doesn't have anything in it. It's just mechanical. though I don't think anybody likes running so over I'll drive because But they still had to document it because it was a collision with the car. download to focus on that yes that makes sense to me oh totally but you know what doesn't make sense That shit bums me out.

53:02 Did you check out Black Mirror, by the way? God damn it, Joe. Oh, me too. because they made a documentary Don't even say it. That is my new homepage, man. What is that those the watermark watermark yeah i love me some world star hip-hop but apparently it's a lookalike girl from, So the girls are releasing it? Bobby Lee. I don't portray anything. I just answered that and said that I don't like

55:47 I don't have to wait to anything, honestly. I mean, this guy right here may tell me that Progression of time. the hoodie is off He can't save you Love it removing a lot it's like they speak like text messages there's no emotion there's no context You think that's still the case? Exactly. Or if you're a celebrity who – crashed her car again. I don't think there's...

58:56 it might they might benefit them or if they're worried certainly if they're Yeah, they pulled all the plugs for Gizmodo Wow. Yeah, I am now. It's about near future societal issues that will come about because of the rapid changing pace of technology. play it back like that that's what one of the issues or one of the episodes is about so you Pull that moment up and look at it.

1:01:19 woman hitting him right so he goes ma'am let me just tell you that lying to an officer is you know from accidents. That seems good. With that said, you know this, I'm a proponent of the point of singularity. I wanted them all to be put in there so I could just swipe my hand. they couldn't do an episode on the rfid chips they were told by their network that that was a subject

1:03:12 yeah, we just want to get on the phone with you from security firms, like a security systems and malls when you walk through a reader that's because a lot of them are You know, people can pull out your info. read and hacked and that's why they don't want the mythbusters to talk about it because we're their key cards and passports to this technology, the last thing they want is a security concern.

1:05:39 Sure. We're heading that way right now. But at a certain point in time, I'm going to know where your location is too. So if we're all trying to meet up at a restaurant And fun. but then we will also have privacy controls, Yes. we need a new digital bill of rights that says that if by the way let me just say for the record And the problem with that is you could record people

1:08:32 is that they would set it up Oh, yeah. How does that work? and it will stitch those angles together as best as it can thanks to Verizon's data caps. I've been using it, dude, for Ting, and it's good. Like, could you imagine on your home computer from being a traditional voice device Text each other. And I used up 3.9 gigs in just like an hour of video chat.

1:11:07 Is that all it is? ask you or is it that their system can't handle it sure i mean at some point yes it gets to that Just to put you in a system. on the nerdiest soapbox in the fucking world but that is bullshit that's like going into a restaurant data plan at&t follows suit sooner or later sprint will once their network gets more popular and the You can't.

1:13:31 No better way to make me I just fucking close my eyes and hit mute. where they show people waiting in line for the iPhone? because I use an iPhone. Making fun of Obama. Those are his people. no it's not well that's what I mean a businessman that looked out for people you think about a guy like and he said it, but that's what they really think. Of course he's a businessman. Of course that's what they think. There's never been a businessman that looked out for people.

1:15:23 That's it. Like, I am not an Obama fan. would somehow or another be better for this country, But then you press them about it. be okay. And he will cut away funding and he will ultimately do things that are not good for people Fuck you, man. He didn't do anything he said he was going to do. So, but just with Mitt Romney I'm like, listening to the things they're saying And they don't even really know what the fuck mitt romney

1:18:34 That hasn't really come up in a way that I thought it would. I'm not sure that reality makes any sense. He became an ex-con and a polygamist, by the way. not even a good dr seuss book he found a magic rock so he could read the tablets that's nonsense You can read the wiki and see how it all got started Oh, something ridiculous. back from the dead you really i'm not saying jesus didn't exist i don't fucking know that jesus existed but i guarantee you he didn't

1:21:35 for banging multiple wives at the same time. because they have pictures drawn inside of what they think. uh, some, It's the greatest photo. and she's got a meatball sub in her hand. Trust me. And Donnie Osmond looked at me like I just ate his cat in front of him. He was a very nice guy. I don't think he's seen anything. Is this your photo? Really? That's fantastic.

1:24:44 I think it was maybe one megapixel. It might I don't think I mean I think it was maybe I love that picture I feel like I'd get fucking shitty looks. what really? just dudes fisting each other It's my favorite thing but no, it's every call. Did you find Colob yet? Yeah. You need to see Book of Mormon. it could just be that they're setting them up American Mormons that moved to Mexico

1:27:31 people have been kidnapped it's fucking crazy who has more money the cartels of the romneys that's No, I don't see it. Look up Mormon Planet Osman album. deep inside the album as you uh try album art you have a google is there a google image search It should be a rhyme. Like, that, you shitbag, And this fucking guy who wrote this stuff, That's the saddest part.

1:30:08 And when you take into consideration a guy's qualifications to be a leader, one of them has to be whether or not he's a gullible fuck. that in choosing to believe in it, it sort of defines you as a person. And I'm allowed to because you've got a wall up. And he said As a matter of fact, molecules have been shown to be so complex, And by the way. We didn't even know.

1:32:56 There's no other way. candidate the tv personality who claimed that he could speak to dead people and scammed on the play and empty my bladder go piss man see me ladies and gentlemen i could drink coffee he'll run out and he'll pee again it's crazy i have a video of uh him in vegas getting up and go get up, I would be the guy who was I'll address his style and what recently he's coming off of

1:35:34 Alan the Talent Belcher. Because it's a roaring arena. And that just, you know, I think that tortured him. If you go to my Twitter page, which is Twitter.com forward slash JoeRogan.net. And all the information is also available on my Twitter. If you go to my Twitter page, which is Twitter.com forward slash JoeRogan. Is he coming to the show? to do a thing,

1:36:58 that are making money doing it, What do you say it is? When I'm on stage and the crowd is – it's a packed crowd. i couldn't i was trying to actively listen for like the last 20 minutes and i couldn't and i because old dudes well people in Times Square but everybody And I was like, well, what do you do they've been waiting since 8 a.m. You mean throughout the city?

1:39:22 just know that a good percentage of them have a load in their drawers, Do you duct tape it in for smell protection? It's like back and forth forever, man. people that want to that video when you hear when you hear the point where the horse is caught because it's not just that one guy throughout history because the population's increasing It makes them pull the trigger.

1:41:28 And that's another sign of sickness in this crazy world to be someone else. Well, sometimes that's the case. possible i think someone could talk i have a joke like where do they recruit at petting zeus i had Someone can talk people into, Someone came along. him everything he needed to do it and by the way there are people listening to this right now that

1:43:54 That too. push down on him look you tilt it over he goes now put i go what are you doing i go what are you Yeah, I go, now try to do it. You're changing This is some silly shit. was a placebo, knowing that they were probably right, still had a benefit of it because they and told them that it was a real pill Yes. Thank you. The pill does nothing. It's not one plus one equals two.

1:47:41 There's, Positive energy begets positive. You can't just sit there and wish. where there's a certain rehab time, Like if it empowers you, They needed a totem. You know, I realize that there's some. And that year was the year that I went to watch the World Cup because I went to Colorado Springs, and I saw, like, the best fighters in the world. He was a fucking savage.

1:51:02 you could do that more. And but just by having a new model in my mind, up there now well i also saw that those guys would fuck me up i you know when you when you watch This guy would fuck me up. And then I remember the thing about the four-minute mile. thoughts that that empowers them and it's positive exist or because I can prove that it was made up

1:53:28 because I felt like they believed something more than I did. it would scare the shit out of me. A lot of people say that religion is what compels them to do great things. are the only way you can get a plane Yeah, he wants to talk about farts. from one of the actual SEALs who was on site who killed Osama bin Laden. was gonna defend us against the terrorists and when he got there

1:55:51 Complete lie. lie. They just lie. if John Glenn died, Send this fucking guy into orbit. If he blows up, we just go fuck up Cuba. and betting on airlines failing right before it happened. telling 100 of the truth right that even though they haven't done it in the past and even though Yeah. He was like a fucking, he was like a really big star in the 70s,

1:58:41 He is not obscure. oh, I don't know. it's like they're saying which ultimately I guess is probably a good thing we've already got flying drones we already got the drones we're getting there man yeah they didn't The force is the belief I was consciously doing, from? So fully subscribe to that. Somewhere in my 20s, I figured out that it was just a weakness.

2:01:09 I mean, that's really what it is. Ari's worked very hard and we started taking him on the road when he was basically he was an employee at the comedy store. And then Joey Diaz Starting a podcast And some photoshop I love this Good Excellent Fist to the man We will now work together Good night time Kevin Pereira Get shit done Let's do it next week Yes See Yes I love this

2:02:30 Death squad now Absolutely Like he'll cry for a little bit to be happy for people who do. I don't know who it is. Yeah, it's awesome. man, he's got this going on, and I can't even get a middle spot. have a heroin problem, Countless. makes you more sensitive Give me that guitar scream. No. I'm not even a Motley Crue fan. shit blow jobs and private jets while people are overdosing like it's as rock and roll as rock and

2:06:05 What? December 21st, 2012 We're going down I don't think so. a good fucking time. I'm not going to see 30. can avoid nuclear war and cataclysmic impacts by you know asteroids and super volcanoes, shit along those lines. When it gets 110 fucking 30, 40, 50 days in a row, We'll have to be buying those from Apple. and all living in the same continents,

2:08:50 and they the the the suspicion is that some point in time antarctica was actually inhabitable and You've got to get the fuck out of there. that we had iPhones, Yeah, they would be fucked. That's their idea, is that we lost all the glass and metal and all gets absorbed. ignorance or stupidity and technology. you can make it look like the opinions of many are something just with a click of a mouse there

2:11:49 And that is because of the internet. that speak to the opinion that they want to have. Yeah, it's because I seek them out, before you go fucking insane. Sure. I think it hasn't even had a chance to set trends and get it locked down. And I think that is the trend of the future. The trend of the everybody knows the truth. And I think that will spawn others. And I think that is the trend of the future.

2:14:01 just as the internet's ability like they need to believe it for their security or for a million reasons. I agree with you. It's about fun ladies and gentlemen And by Coca-Cola saying What about your A7? That's what the folks need Wasn't there a moment where you really thought like. Well, I also thought he's a young guy. how the fuck could you be a fan of Dick Cheney?

2:17:08 someone that they would bring out no they're avoiding any mention of george w he might be I mean, you get brain tumors. I mean, that's, or do something It fucks people over, man. Has there been a study on memory call memory recall and memory call of those who are documenting an experience versus those who are actively participating in it like for example if

2:18:55 Depends on how they viewed the past, happened that didn't happen. You know, the guy in the white hat. into coming up with stories of someone touching them. with absolutely no uncertainty whatsoever And things get recalibrated too. I have all the- You can twist shit up and make it real inside your stupid head. company so he designs a better leg and then gets addicted to the fact that his bionic

2:22:14 I don't know if you've seen it. left-handed is really fucking hard i play really good right-handed jerking off with a cue stick every guy can switch hit i can't what yeah that's what i'm saying like if if there was nothing in Yeah, and that, you need a highly tuned jerk-off hand for that kind of beating off. like it doesn't feel like it has any feeling you got to build that up man you know what i mean like

2:24:39 and move your face over the brush because your hand is so stupid. It's the most amazing feeling ever. which relaxes the track so that the shit can slide out easier. But I wonder were in Japan, because I don't have the information. Are they togas? squad clock yeah it's dope he uh he's a metal worker he's building me captured there dude i'm gonna take you after this podcast is over into the main room of the comedy

2:27:41 Yeah. Just hanging out? I've got to contact him. I was like, what are you doing here? I was like, whoa, this is bizarre, man. projecting out of your body and getting lost in your own thoughts or do you keep there's a weird thing about like when i met anthony bourdain it was it seems silly but Boom! You're a human being. Seems like he would run things fairly. Ventura's running.

2:30:28 Let's put him for president. Yeah. I want that. He's got some fuckhead in him. Was your Brondeau a full toilet or is it one of those lids? poo paper? Yeah, that's when you really love a chick, when you shit in front of her. this is in the right the motley crew book it's a great book oh my god again not even a fan of I don't have to clean this. So you're trying to squeeze it with your ass

2:33:21 And I don't like to say literally. We need you out there preaching the word. I'm in. Done. Take it. on Ustream, We're gonna. We will be in Raleigh of September Asheville, So what we need to do is get to Asheville and introduce those kids to some fucking squats. Keep the population in line. so they've got to take the alpha brain. Bobcat Goldthwait's got a couple of good books up there too.

2:36:20 including Amber Lyon, formerly of CNN. They've had Graham Hancock on and Simon Powell We got shit rolling, bitches. I've hosted a show I'm having a blast doing it Done Ian Edwards back next week. Check out my new podcast, Dead Squad. Cancel it. It's for all of us together. Good night. Icehousecomedy.com. You don't know who's on. Randy Littke's going to be on it? Huh? You're going to be on it? I'm going to be on it. Randy Litke's going to be on it.

2:39:19 Joey Diaz is The Church of What's Happening Now. That is the Death Squad universe, ladies and gentlemen.