Joe Rogan Experience #29 — Brian Redban Transcript

Transcript

0:00 BAM! Really, it's been fucking weekly, man. It takes me so long to get into a groove with anything. I think MySpace is the first one that actually Or just know that you're there because of word of mouth. I logged in last night. It's a graveyard. our podcast is sponsored by The Fleshlight. As far as beating off, but you get 15% off and it's kind of, of course,

3:00 They saw it out in the sun. What? I mean, And if you're looking at all these fleshlights, man, it's like, okay, yeah, it's a rubber body part. youngstown ohio i was doing shows in youngstown ohio and it's like there's a good example of one that had a bunch of them uh youngstown ohio i was doing shows in And it was kind of cool because you'd walk, you know, somebody would be walking up like a hot chick and you're like, please let them go in the adult room.

5:16 i i rang her up i also saw her last name was like miss ba ba ba and i'm like oh that's totally her So I think that I, I thought like, oh, this is for a gag. She was 70. I never watched it. Like she was like up high, a little too high. so uh seeing her it was like wow this is kind of strange like i'm watching someone that i used to It fucking is weird, man.

7:04 These are people Have you ever done that? Oh, you don't want to see this photo. But the uncomfort that I feel is, oh, you're not as cool as I thought you were. Right. That's crazy. fucking crazy. It makes me wonder if that shit ever girl, if you're a girl and you're out with a pretty girl, no one is going to pay attention grind where you just automatically get douchey first because you think they're going to get

10:46 I'm like, you're not going to stop me from arguing. now I just, I try very, very hard now to just look at it and go, That's got to be a personality thing. because as soon as you go you're fucked. you're so sad Like, why are you so upset? oh totally especially if it's a chick that you're attracted to that's all but it's all evolution You'll create more whatever you do.

13:57 they thought that level it is that too but it's also that they want you to be something that You know, maybe there is another one. Yeah, right? I would start stupid arguments with girls I was dating that's such a douchey thing to do to take your frustrations out on someone it's not a joke if i don't think it's funny you know it's not a joke if no one else is laughing

16:30 We went to that party. But hanging out with Doug Benson, stoned with a couple beers in us, I've seen him like here and there is where you go up to him like, So it's a little different, but still. there's a genius no i don't want to see the remix. Oh, no, no. It's just a robot. of like Tim and Eric. Yeah. Do you? Yeah. Because I kind of like that song.

18:55 I watched it live on CBS. she still has to wear the That's why Lindsay wants to do that. You lied here. your shit together and then mix it with fame dude can you imagine like 10 years from now will smith's What an incredible responsibility. out a way to get through this and to not have any fame whatsoever. Have to get by on your I didn't read up to eight, but it makes sense.

22:09 like the less stress you have, the more chilled out the baby can be. But if you have like a really, that he's trying to teach kids about controlling themselves, He was talking about that guy, that guy that was not thinking. like fighting and football and shit like that. There's guys from strong families that still are great fighters or a dude who grows up in a real shitty situation.

24:25 the people that have their kids, it's because they're broken dreams and they're using their your kid famous. You know what the odds are? What are you doing? He did. So many Disney hookers. Timberlake, is he cool? Oh, he's way more. so they kind of support your dropping. I think you don't fix that kind of crazy. They're just handling her. He might be a pimp.

27:13 Anybody can. This Brian Austin Green fellow, isn't he like a rapper now? Brian No, see, that's what I think it is. Okay. But we can't play it because then we'll have to pay him or something. Oh, that sucks. They just showed you these nutty motherfuckers That's a good documentary. talk in tongues five years old at school all these sounds on the fly. If you're making a fake language, like to, to have them vary to the

31:09 christianity like this would be a good thing the reason why these people willing to blow themselves I had two guys knock on my door today Mormons are some of the nicest fucking people. The whole... ridiculous. Being a Baptist is ridiculous. Being a Buddhist is ridiculous. Being in anything is fucking religion is. The problem is no one knows. You cannot know. You can have your own beautiful

33:22 lock onto that nonsense so they feel like they're a part of something. The human race is stuck in a giant quagmire when it comes to our behavior and our thinking about our behavior. Yeah, like they'd pull up in like Are they still popular? Totally popular. Mine had a Starbucks in it. There was a girl that used to work they still have those. Do they have those? Yeah. Are those still popular? Totally popular.

34:35 to a rock and roll church and that's the vehicle that he uses uses for a lot of people man religion can give you some inspiration You're going to be problems everywhere you go. What is the, you know, there's got to be ways you can be putting forward the most positive energy. is to do all the shit that we already know you're supposed to do. going to do to them? Okay, well, if I was a life coach, the first thing I would say is this guy's

37:19 Have them smile back at you. Tip well when you go to restaurants. Just do the most you can. Be as You know? someone told them they couldn't do it in all, Yeah. uh, like under your armpits. You touch my spider right i always go for the butthole as the last move though like if you're not ticklish you're See, look, she's willing to do it. Like, we'll do baseball bats.

40:39 just sex man it's no big deal yeah i'm allowed to fuck other girls i'm on the road too you know about to go airtight yeah done that's it put a fucking fork in it hooker you go triple rainbow damn first of all you know It's all crazy and everyone's a mess. So I was with Tate, and we were like, all right, fuck it. We walk in the door. and one guy is fucking her mouth,

43:01 and then she wants the director to do it. blah you know four or something like that and we're like your boyfriend oh man that's ridiculous and What does your boyfriend do? again there's so many of them dude there's so much porn going on out here there's so many dudes that i know i know so many guys from jujitsu uh tyler knight i know him he's Vince Voyer is another fucking male porn star.

45:31 And then there's girls that just have always wanted to get into porn. compassionate part of my brain wants to go okay what if this is my daughter with you know my just get over some fucking awesome cgi CGI. Use the Quake 4 engine. to go back to the future. See if that's his name. Two Ls, two Ts. smiling. He was so close to his father. When his father died, it crushed him. And so he dedicated

48:40 to go back to any point in history. like one million years from now, because there will be time machines functional back then, all at once so it literally fucks with the entire fabric of the universe everything can come back Everything's going to be good. Somehow it snuck through. and it would disappoint the shit out of you? like people talk about avatar being silly and ridiculous but still you see toy story 3 yet no

51:23 This can't be now. It was a Pixar movie. but I don't know exactly where it is, Not Pixel. Like, you know, what? I think they said seven. That's ridiculous. Those movies take a lot of fucking time but god I think it was a lonely dude in his basement and we develop to a certain point in time just just slightly slower than the speed of light and they're trying to recreate a thing called the

54:51 They're going to keep going. What do we do? Shouldn't they pull all the scientists off everything all the different disciplines that would be involved and they immediately allocated funds where they need to step in and they would try to fuck people over, where there's a baby that was born. because of chemicals. Is that the same where they're dropping all our old computers

57:49 where it's cities of just old computers and there was one city where they showed it. It was crazy. they get away with shit like that, but the factories and China's becoming like a capitalist economy, Foxconn's where all those guys who are working for Apple What happened? It kept saying no sim card no sim card Yeah. Wow, it's saying no service. representation of the signals.

1:01:10 Because, okay, so you're saying that the phone just calculates the bars incorrectly, and really when you touch it a certain way, then it calculates them right? It doesn't do it with the case, which is good, But the problem is, what are they going to really do about it? There's a class action lawsuit in the works. Maybe they broke theirs or something.

1:02:30 Yeah. This is $30. You know, so I went to Best Buy and I bought two of the only cases that Best Buy sells, Same thing, went online, found out that's the problem with the Oh, I went back online same exact thing across the board Is that what it is? And it goes up their asshole and they die. Remember he had like this fetish of putting a glass, whatever.

1:04:29 I like that show. you know, something up my ass i know i might die from it you know you know you know i mean i do know i do know it's a And he doesn't even freak out. A lot of that is not fake. Wasn't that the BME Pan Olympics? All the videos go together. it's real. Lindsay Lohan's your mom. Like you said, That chick's out there doing it every night.

1:07:31 So she's got this crazy bracelet on I have a knee surgery. I've had shit happen. Right. You just deal with it. It's not that bad. I have a knee surgery. Yes, I did. What? His music was probably fucking retarded then. You know, like Spanish flamenca songs, that kind of shit. that's that could easily have been it you. Everybody's got their own fucking thing, man.

1:09:37 Poor Lindsey. How about if Lindsay starts fucking rapping while she's Is she a lesbian? I know Sam Ronson. Might have been Craig. MySpace, but now Pandora. That's good stuff so brock Yeah, well, you know, and he saw that Shane's punches were coming slower and slower, And then all of a sudden he's like, His legs were barely walking and, But goddamn,

1:12:44 because he had to lose like 17 pounds to make 265. So he's so big but i think he's too big i think maybe like because he he had to lose like fuck, a big giant hands and shit. But, wide you know he's still big as fuck got big after it was over i said i'm gonna sell that shit on ebay but i'm just gonna hang out to it yeah you see, they also call it a side choke

1:14:49 options man you're gonna go to sleep he's just got much too much power he's just gonna crush that it was like, it was the whole thing. I stood up like three or four times. lieben's probably fine it probably looks today like nobody hit him really yeah he's tough as He takes them right on the chin and keeps going. He just couldn't compete. He couldn't compete with the style. He couldn't compete with the technical

1:17:17 Aaron's a serious fucking wrestler. So this guy's tough as fuck. He's fast as fuck. like he was fighting. Forrest Griffin's fight, it doubled, tripled, quadrupled. Turn on channel, whatever it is. Nobody backed down for a second. that last one yeah but i'm glad because i always like that guy well you know he got he got um through And you also have to wonder about Kimbo's body.

1:21:07 or getting another shot at getting back in the heat of the show. and that knee is going to keep him from being able to train the way a GSP trains just because he's not going to beat Larry Holmes he's starting to move up in the chain Why would you cut him? But even if he doesn't, It doesn't maybe hurt throwing a young gun in there with a gatekeeper.

1:23:33 what do you think Dana White would say about having a UFC bar It would be too hard to sanction it. Some guys pull ligaments. and have the UFC playing on all these or whatever it is. anything you've ever had before. Dana's Desserts. Quiz by Ravioli. I don't know. Fucking do some squats at your UFC gym. the bottom line is you're not going through We're not responsible.

1:26:47 Go easy. in the chin, your legs go, you fall, you hit your head on the back of the mat and that That was like 10 years ago, though. I would know it right now. How the fuck are you losing that much weight? So what I've been doing is doing the Weight Watcher diet, but only eating zero to one point shit. Yeah. But I'm making sure I'm getting all the nutrients and proteins and all that stuff you know since i've known brian just for uh fyi since i've known why

1:28:53 And by the way, he's, how tall are you? His pants were always way too long to wear crazy pants his pants were You lost like 70 pounds, right? Do you have pictures of yourself when you were that skinny? soft tissue and you don't get to see the true shape of his head but when you just see skinny That's because your head is used to your body being gigantic.

1:31:10 No, I'm going to find a better one, and I'll post it on my Twitter later today. Well, then what happens? 195. I thought I did. You know? You've got to start working out. If you if you start working out dude you'd be a sexy if a person did punch this guy in his tiny little head, My fucking stupid head is smart as fuck. You're a gay lesbian. When you see it going up, what keeps you from just recognizing that and cutting back on your food?

1:33:49 That's a terrible example. So if you just gave up really yeah she was humongous diabetes everything that's scary yeah my dad said yeah i wonder how it's just some sort of more hairier? I should get that checked, honestly, because I important things when you're maintaining your health as you get I probably have that. I got a new mouthpiece that I started wearing

1:35:59 and my hole that I have in the back of my So this mouthpiece kind of keeps your tongue down. to the point where sometimes my alarm goes off in mid dream. And I'm like, wow, that was a dream maybe I'm reaching a REM level Right. Yeah. You don't seem like the type of dude that's really into Damn, dude. What? Yeah. Here's my phone number. who knows how many 10, maybe 10,000 might've seen it. I tried to delete it, but it was too late.

1:39:32 I would answer it here for you guys and show you, You took the high road. No, because some of the people just wanted to call to say hi. Is he out of the UFC, man? If you want to call it, I really do answer it. but I thought that would be kind of cooler too This weekend, I am going to be at the Ontario Improv But, you know, these clubs, they only seat like 300 people.

1:41:45 every show sold out, One shot over the line, like redo it and then i and then i realized as i was saying it i was like i already said this I didn't have anything to eat, and I mad house but we fixed it we fixed it we fixed it when we got rid of the standing only that I think it sucks. were all talking at full voice like bar voice voice. No one was paying attention to the show.

1:44:06 What would be awesome is if every fucking place you went had real comfortable seats. The first person I ever heard say that was Jimmy Norton. make it like that but then i you know i realized that that's the right thing to do those standing It doesn't feel good. Because when I do stand-up and I'm on stage for an hour and a half or whatever I'm on for, I'm never hurt.

1:45:47 moving. You don't even get blood flowing too much in bars anymore. a definite response you know from them comedy though it's tricky tricky. Setting up the atmosphere is so tricky. He sucks aggressively, and it's bad material, how to do comedy yet i was really just fucking feeling it out which is fine and good you know and it's a thing you have to go through but i don't want people

1:48:25 Did you fuck him? Wow. How it's recorded. I mean, it was really, like, for what it was. We'll set it up. And this dude had the keys, unlocked the place. and i was like okay now i have to fucking think about this guy and his fucking inconsiderate ways It's a roll of the dice. but people like the event of being out there with other people you know people like that's one of

1:51:34 I think movie theaters need to reboot, man. $12.99 on DVD. I watched but I think it's dope fucking stupid movie the crazies this good goddamn horror movie really yeah i don't want to tell you the premise because That's all I knew. It's pretty fucking good. M. Night Shyamalama Ding Dong. you'll sit there and you'll go at least yeah that was a good movie you know that was a good those

1:54:26 People accuse the UFC of doing that all the time on the underground. Do you think that Shane would have been knocked out by Brett Rogers? There's just a lot of people. Yeah, well, I pay attention to Amazon's reviews. A lot of times we talk about the same subjects we've talked about before. their fucking path you know and sometimes it's like, well, this is it.

1:56:45 It's low for everything. We mean, and I think this is the right way to do it too, and it'd be playing in the background. The Fleshlight is our only sponsor. this weekend, come the next time I'll be Next Saturday, two shows. Disney World. So, We're going to keep doing it, though.