Joe Rogan Experience #30 — Eddie Bravo Transcript

Transcript

0:00 I like fucking Robin now. Thank you for being here. I forgot to shut it off. The cat's in here, too? Was that you or the cat? It seems like it's a silly thing. But look look you're gonna jerk off just accept that and it's like 50 bucks or something like that i think it's like 15 69 bucks 69 bucks and some of And it's like 50% off, 15% off rather. A friend of mine, we both know him.

2:25 makes really yeah it looks super complicated but you don't have too much work that's like Then I would use that shit all the goddamn time. on Wednesday. You know what I mean? Who cares if the government gets a piece of it? We need to get to the bottom of it. you would have to have the Alex Jones I understand what the New World Order is plotting. capitalist money-making schemes that have ever come around in 15 years why is this never called

5:29 This guy's full of shit. Because look, if I'm telling jokes, you know, if I'm getting paid to do comedy, I got to Yeah. back in the 30s. So many more people are informed and people aren't afraid of it anymore. It's not close to a school. But I put an article on Twitter, and I put an article, or I put a post Toluca Lake Collective. The best shit is medpotdelivery.com.

8:00 The negatives is some dude who delivers pot and knows where you live. He trains in Culver City with Gerson. He's a good dude. That guy's in a drug business. because you're not going to just break out this weed. You can roll down a hill and you still don't hit your neighbors. you'd let him right in. I mean, wine's a drug. Isn't it funny, though, that you never think of wine as a drug?

10:15 I don't know what that's going on. wine is a drug yeah totally it really is nobody thinks about always forget that that that that and that's just like, man, this is like Kool-Aid for alcohol. Yeah, if you don't know what we're talking about, This is what I've always told people about actors. they're like, always like getting them food and kissing their ass. And Mr. Gibson will be ready

12:28 They catch them drunk coming out of a nightclub It's crazy. You shouldn't be allowed to be just talking publicly. cared. Nobody ever found out about it. nothing. There was no seedy and I still, even while that was going on. That guy can't stop being Richard Gere. I don't give a fuck what anybody says. I mean, there was a meager internet. What? Let's go to Careless Whisper

15:17 is George Michael's But there's a scene You, like, zoom in on his face, like, with some crazy FBI, CIA stuff, Maybe he did. Guilty feet. Ladies and gentlemen, tech support extraordinaire, Brian Redman Reichel. you know what kind of damage that motherfucker could have done? Cut. All right. like a gay relationship. He blocked me. I mean, I would assume if he's online, someone probably sent him my bit.

18:08 Because it was fascinating reading his Twitter. It only blocks you on whatever application you're using, TweetDeck or Twitter or whatever. that is the Ted Haggard Twitter. agenda and it was just a crazy homo dude that sounds like a sitcom dude okay like that dude I'd watch it. He probably wanted to get caught. That's probably what his whole thing I think the pressure is so hard

20:08 You're fucking, sucking. I might be talking out of my ass right there. Selfish. and there was eating his ass dude It wasn't like she was. Oh, man, I like it. It was very hard in the 1980s to It just gets crazier and crazier and crazier. What's the latest on that? But this is like the... All right. That's the thing. Much better. A pain in the ass! I don't believe you anymore.

24:40 I do not... No, wait, wait, wait. You fucking try to be a hero to me. I fell asleep because I was waiting for you You and I have zero. I did not do anything. Stop me. What? You need medication. What? You need a fucking bat on the want that as my ringtone. Yeah. You need medication. You need a fucking brain transplant. because I fucking This is mean.

28:33 This is brilliant. What? So I'll call the police and tell them there's someone in my house. You call the fucking cops. Oh, my God. Come on. When I first moved to California Shut the fuck up. about an obsessive rich guy where it's poor, I'm gonna make a ton of money Remember that dude, what was that, The other day I heard that was true. That dude's not...

31:41 It was like a mockumentary. He's one of them, too. It must be. the Mad Max days, bro. Yeah. Yeah. I saw it. I was like, Mel Gibson? and they run at each other and fucking smash in the middle and kill each other. what if there's a giant cruise liner sinking genre yeah they do rip off genres but someday Is only one person authorized? I think there's a lot of Titanic movies called Titanic.

34:35 Who cares? Crowe. No, I didn't see it. He's got this fat face. He's not fat, but Can you imagine trying to do it if you got, Can you imagine that? I can see a good Robin Hood, What is the actual story? It was robbing from the rich Who was Robin? Russell Crowe? No. I got two stones. do you want some more? just because, Oh, really? I don't remember. Back to fucking Mel Gibson, man.

38:01 It's hilarious. equally as crazy. Go ahead to the the bitch could be really psycho. Why are you getting... You need medication. And she's like, He's weak. You know what I mean? I hated the other one. as a standalone movie, it's terrible. You believe that other shit, It's so funny how we just have this incredible need to look to the past, like as if there's something that we knew and we forgot.

41:36 So I wonder, man, I wonder what the fuck that is. But really, he probably never even said he was. the Christians and the Muslims, they fucking killed each other. But yeah, he was a bad motherfucker. epic of Gilgamesh has so many parallels. Almost the same exact stories are told going on for thousands of years. I'm not saying don't discuss it. Do you go Jesus or atheist?

44:02 If you don't know, there's a discussion and debate whether or not that they're saying that they... There's two different camps on this. They have all the markings Because I think it is a strange thing It's like, wow, what's going to come out of here look at all the fucking problems in the world. Jump really high. Yeah, of course. but my ex-girlfriend thought I was fucking crazy,

46:48 It's all about just numbers. Listen, back to what we were talking about with the Higgs boson particle. is about that we create the the air the uh the oil is not just oil on the surface of the water it's there's vapor in the The ocean is gigantic, but there's a huge part of it that is just fucked up right now I don't know what areas it's hit and what areas

48:59 which means that the pipe, when it blew up, But what they're talking about Well, there's guys that have photographed things that they say are plumes He said, but that right now appears to be highly unlikely. They put on the Jamie Kilstein dude and Allison Kilkenny. instead of cleaning the oil up. That doesn't make any sense at all. I'm just saying the other side,

51:06 They do it daily. I think we need to Google this. Are they rotating beach going. I think we need to Google this. delve into the world and stop working on the Large Hadron Collider. I mean, there's, you know, they're saying that they did it. Once it gets hungry for oil, it runs out of oil, then it starts eating tires and shit. And somehow or another got over here from the Gulf efforts.

53:14 That could really happen. ecological I think Penn & Teller did a whole episode of bullshit on it. No, they wouldn't do that episode. I don't think they do. that it's bullshit. That's retarded. I had him on Fear Factor. But he's a great guy. Right. I don't really do it anymore. and you're you know jiu-jitsu two people 90 of bar fights is who hits who first that's 90 you know

56:08 There's nothing worse And then they see you with your girl So hard. probably, if you're a smart person, will never happen to you in your life. You get a shitload Oh, let's talk about your seminars before you answer that question. Where are they? Don't you think your jiu-jitsu helps your music And your music helps your jiu-jitsu? The very next Saturday, July 31st

58:02 Now, don't you think that jiu-jitsu helps your music, and then you master it. become the executive producer. And bam, that person inside of you does it like magic. So once you see it in jujitsu over and over, You put the numbers. Creativity is a totally different thing that's attached to ambition and to focus and intensity. So wouldn't there be that creativity

1:01:01 and I'll say, My favorite is when Anderson Silva finished off Rich Franklin in the second fight. But with jiu-jitsu, just the path to the submissions, It's out of control. Never was. I just put it all together. I mean, there's a lot of creative guys. I mean, very few human beings have ever done that. You know what my, growing up listening to Bruce Lee and listening to what he had to say about opening your mind and

1:04:35 and I was like, I'm not going to keep following that. Does that frustrate the shit out of you or what? become uh become any you know not mythical as long as the longer it takes the better it's just The reason why jiu-jitsu isn't doing that good in MMA anymore Yes. It would be crazy if everybody joined in and just not me and my association, because when you see guys use a gi all the time,

1:07:06 They couldn't do anything in certain positions. You can buy them. I love it. if I didn't really think about it like maybe five six years ago it did bother me it did bother me that you know when i decided to open up a school without a geek for jujitsu the people My life was not nearly as shitty as yours, but there was a lot of problems. my mom went to go get something for dinner and she came back home with hamburger and that's why

1:09:15 That doesn't make any sense. But if Mr. Enders, he didn't give a fuck. I was proud of it back then I would draw cartoons of teachers fucking. And I got expelled. cunty i just didn't like her i didn't like her class and uh i was talking apparently and she goes For fucking just, I mean, come on, man. terrible stuff. I was terrible Joyce, and this Cambodian chick named Pua Mua, right?

1:12:01 He would say, Pua Mua, that black voice, dude. doing shit you don't want to do around a bunch of people Everybody agrees to that. No. Nobody would go to school. People can't afford that, man. We got all this money, but we don't have enough money for fucking teachers. Schools should have some kind of profit, though. because you're paying taxes for it, man.

1:13:55 That's not natural. that can't control people like Eddie in their class. Like if you asked for a pencil. Go pick up a pencil. And the kid got up grabbed a pencil went back and sit down nobody said a fucking word for the rest It was like that much desk I wasn't going to fuck with him, but I'd still make the class laugh. I don't remember, but I do remember being in the corner and just really being into the wall.

1:16:12 Yeah, yeah. You would have the crazy thing. that if you want to get really good at it, Like, I would like to learn how to surf. on jujitsu and music, and that's it, man. big, gigantic I came off and I'd go on stage. like i was just obsessed like i had a girl you had some good some bits you had some bits the one I went up, and I was like, Open Mic Night,

1:19:16 what comedy is when you're doing those. Everyone's terrible in the beginning. And I don't know, after I got off, even while I've been doing it for so long, So for like a good solid two years, I just didn't write much. But I'm known as a comedian. Oh, they were all terrible. I remember one. I remember a bad one about Here's a warning. So stupid. I love that that it's so dumb i mean it's just silly this is the shit that i would think was funny when i was 21 you know this is the this

1:22:14 I mean, you're fucking amazing. and you have to just put the energy into it, put the effort into it, you'd figure and sometimes it's good to have a girlfriend at the clubs. You have to be constantly working. is when a male comedian starts There's like three. that she's on a TV show, There's only two girls on that whole show. that kind of sucks living in the city to the,

1:24:41 I'm already having problems on like that being at the airport right now, Yeah. You're two totally different things. I mean, maybe it'll work. Well, that's our problem with our friends. He got permission to fuck her, which I think is the most hilarious thing ever. well, here's this perfect person for me So I could see his point of view too, but They were good friends too.

1:27:04 Only in the butt. Bitches, man. People in the city, period. stay with his ass for so long? He's worth a billion dollars. How can you even judge? the bitch has got to be a celebrity or it's not good enough right well I think it's because first especially people who are in that whole celebrity world. The whole idea behind it is, look, all celebrity is is some crazy trick. You are tricked into author, someone whose work has really profoundly affected you.

1:30:00 and they're in a movie and whatever. Rose bud. Is that what he said? for the amount of effort that you're putting out They're taking photos of me. Once their celebrity like hits that super peak. They become big and then they just don't have the connection anymore. There's a clip that Jimmy Kimmel twittered, And he, everyone's seen what? It's only three million hits out of 300 million people in this country alone.

1:32:27 Oh, it was just that video. I think he can. Alright, here we go. Woo! This is just seeing a rainbow. Oh, my God. In his defense, they are pretty awesome. like 100 yards above the surface or something. Okay. Damn. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. that's kind of like Tim and Eric style. You can't fuck with that.

1:36:42 That's what I like about Biggie. if it's auto-tuned, they're not really singing. Dude, look at that. Double Rainbow You listen to the Black Keys at all? Yeah, that's the ticket. Oh, he just has a name. What was his character back in the day in Saturday Night Live? He's doing an impression of someone doing an impression of Peter Fonda. No. No. I don't like dating Jewish women.

1:39:10 Bam! Yeah, the Joey one I've got down over decades. I bet you can. Yeah. You put some good material on top of it. Do it. Look at my dangus. Who's Dr. Steve Brule? I'm a little bit then. It's not too bad. I'm rooting for you. Like, oh, this is Pacino. I used to be able to do walk-in. It's terrible. They don't know any English, That was the pestilence.

1:42:11 Get it together, cocksucker. We can do, since the house and Chael Sonnen's got a Up with those knees. Big dog's back. He's the godfather of it. Big Country is the best fat man fighting in the UFC today. Don't let that fucking big G.I. Joe-looking motherfucker beat on you for three rounds. That dude doesn't give a fuck. Fabrizio Verdum's ears are still wiggling from the last time Dos Santos hit him.

1:45:09 Angels got his wings. You hear what I'm saying? ready to take him down, with elbows That's so beautiful. He's the best. He would just start reading it and it'd be funny. There's this motherfucker. And I'm like, what? Let me tell you about Captain Samurai. He actually has nine cats, two outside. His character, his UFC review character is Joey Karate,

1:47:54 Comedy Club, but he did all weekend in The party starts when Joey gets there. where after they're done with their fleshlights, What would it be? They hit a wall. I know it's not a person. Just make it a hole that I stick my dick in and I shoot a load into. Pretending it's a person. And whatever that girl does in that virtual reality world, I would use that shit.

1:50:09 To the How to program it The movement That's high tech. really open-minded. Can you imagine if it was like a No, I haven't. You haven't seen it? Oh, it's so good. who's paying attention thinks that people are getting dumber. than the average kid in 2010. and all that stuff the dictionary would be in there by now Did he make that up? What if he did it and he just didn't know it?

1:52:28 Yeah, we do that all the time when we get on stage. You're trying too hard, son. hey, what's up? If you want to do it, I like that. This fingertip thing where they go around the fingertip and crush your fingers. and try to readjust. Because their hands must be like... Pregnant? But you know how much cum is on your hands if you work at an Apple store?

1:54:53 You're only on a banana? Well, you're the one who's supposed to give me a protein bar. Yeah, I know. I still suck my thumb. friends that I had when I was in 8th grade. I'm a real person. I'm a real guy. I know. And they realize in this city Like, you know, I would have thought she was Jessica Alba. Yeah. What does that feel like? She goes, did you use iBreakup?

1:58:11 We weren't breaking up, Brian. Just give him some room so the girls don't know he's talking about them uh because i know you've had I think if I was actually on the way to the tattoo studio, I would have just chloroformed her or something like that. I could see you doing it and then laughing about it. It's like a test. Some fucking guy sent me a message.

2:00:15 fucking farmville account and just get out of her so the i'm not i'm so confused she checked The game updates your Facebook automatically? Did you ever consider the possibility that Jesus was real and that he was who he says But we can't have any conversations. What is that? Because at that point, you'll do anything. Hooah. whole phone because you're not a hoe and so he doesn't care who answers the real phone you know

2:02:57 I mean, I was, like, scared. But I had a kid for three months. After we found out he wasn't mine, I stayed. I came back recognize me, the girl had to pull for like six months. Yeah, you can't take six months off from seeing a baby. Dude, I don't want to talk about that. Well, it's five now. when we were in Vegas. and he's the reason But it was a reply

2:05:40 Do the Doug Benson podcast Eddie Bravo, Red Band, Joe Rogan. That's how I look at it. I want a VIP. new Q&A. My Twitter is just Joe Rogan. I probably wouldn't talk about it as much It's got fangs. that's a fucking vampire, at me right now. as you're watching. You haven't been yelling, if you go to joerogan.net, You load it up on your phone. That's all in the works.