Joe Rogan Experience #304 — Andrew Dice Clay Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Join my day Joe Rogan podcast my night, all day Yeah, no, I filmed this already. You say you were very happy with it. Really happy with it. You know, you can see there's life in you. Eleanor Kerrigan, who opens my shows, is in the special, You know, because, you know, when comics are being put on trial for telling, you know, a gay joke or a black joke and, you know, now the whole world, what do you think, you know, when TMZ stop and you go, what do you think of, you know, Tosh, you know, Daniel Tosh saying this?

2:28 You're so stupid you can't interpret that? No, we're saying it for an effect. and I know a lot of people I'm saying on that stage. Sam from Opie and Anthony's show. You know, the first time I even did Vegas years ago for the comedy store, I wanted it very street. are rolling, like I said, you are going to fuck up a little, you know, you know, like It was as insane as I was, you you know it was very reminiscent of my first

5:37 through the years, age, you know, I had a call from a friend of mine that was with a girl, went out with you can't go by oh she's got that girl next door look you know and the next thing you know she's a like a lot of relationships you know like i'm married now for the third time and i feel a lot Be what you want to be. You know, I always say to a guy that's with a woman for a bunch of years in the audience,

8:30 That's how I, you know, so. You're always smiling when you're with her? we've never had an argument. that's what I taught, you know, when I, when I'm on stage, it's a different side of me. How does he know what an animal I am? Everything is research, really. but it's all scratched up and rashy, There's no chin work in SX. If you're just fucking around with me, I'm going to get angry.

10:58 Oh, OK. Whenever she's doing contortion, she's always on her chin here. What's that? Well, you never think about it, but contortionists always have their faces on the ground. Like, yeah, their legs bend really far back when you're putting them up above your legs but you're not going like See, he looks like a nice guy, right? You got a girlfriend right now?

12:55 If you didn't know that by now. And you're like, oh my God, But now, you know, Dating? after six months. Well, I'm starting to date. You know, I'm banging a few of them out right now. It fits the show. No. Well, you're with him a lot, so you know. He's a great guy. But a mess in the... No doubt that he's a very good guy. Well, you know, he's got to hit that up a little. He's a mess. Is he? He's a mess. Well, you're with him a lot, so you know.

14:34 All right, I'm pink-socking Asians. That's what he's saying. to be working out. And he doesn't want to talk about it on the air. grounded in what I do because it does feel a you know your hair is going to change color know, he goes to Diaz, he goes, you know, I'm thinking of doing a special with Dice. What are you going to do at the Hard Rocks? You know, it's not that big of a room.

17:16 And, you know, Vegas is somewhere I like to be a lot. Right. and then we went to Riv before the Hilton, and then we went back to the Riv. And I didn't want to deal with that. You know, who personally I wasn't ever even fucking into, because that stage, you had the stage that you're on like this and then it had, what's it called, like a runway that went right through

20:02 You know, for high rollers, not a lot of kids. if they're gonna go to a show, they want to see somebody familiar to them. Right. You know, so that's why a lot of comics are moving there. You know, and that's why a lot of you know, you see people like Cher performing there. I just saw Guns N' Roses there. You know, it's that type of place now they want to see people that that they're fans of. They don't want to see just a bunch of midgets

20:58 I owe it to the fans that have been with me all these years. and I'll always get that. you had sam kennison who was screaming his head off He's the one that brought the Black Crows and, you know, bands like that. And so you were so young, and just your face was beet red. And he loves when you get angry because he knows you're really getting angry. middle of it you know I hear a guy yelling out little Bo Peep I'm gonna get

24:57 You know what I mean? You're like, this is not going to work. or in his 40s, whatever. get rid of this fucking asshole of a human being. And I go, why, what happened? You know, going, he's coming back in the room. How am I going to know the guy's blind? Who's going to make me fucking laugh? out of that wheelchair. to you is I think you know that night they're going, come on, asshole

28:46 played that out but i really think about that stuff i go what would hurt in the long run right I really look for a guy that has – I don't want to give a guy a name that doesn't fit him. wife so i come on stage and the minute he opened his mouth, I'm like, it wasn't good enough for me that they threw him What the fuck with these things? He's with me for like 25 years already.

30:51 when he's throwing him out and you know he's you know he's a pretty deadly guy and that's what i And the way he got his job was I would work out in a gym, You know, they were big guys. He goes, I came to the Meadowlands to see you. That's right. You know, it's funny talking about, like... It's just a name. you know trying to do some stand-up comedy and you think back then like what the what the face

34:16 a persona. When we were in Boston and we were starting out But when I got there, and when I got there, Harris Peet would get down. but he's just this friendly guy that could kick ass. It took me years to get even the tiniest compliment from that guy. But why? That's true too. was that was the bad boy comedy club. Like, at the Comedy Store, But when I came along, you know, it was 94.

37:35 and just the vibe is bad just the wrong combination of people yeah just like that you go, you know what? I'm getting out of here. I still love going on the stage. I never went back. It was one of my favorite jokes. The guy was 90 years old, he made a billion dollars from scratch you know chances are he's a tad Like, when I first broke up with my wife, you know, I'd always bring my kids to the comedy store at night.

39:43 But he was standing there. He was old enough to understand it. Yeah, you wouldn't throw a glass. But Paulie was out in the hallway. So me and Kennison would be the last acts of the night every night. knocking people over, Don Barris. Like we wound up doing this crazy Frank Stallone movie in Ixtapa, you know, Mexico. Well, what happened with Don, he always wants to fight me.

43:14 And it was funny, what happened was, I went back to Madison Square Garden in 2000, and And I go, your job was to just bring them here. No. I'm sure he like chipped something in his ankle and he just wouldn't go to You know, like almost like that he's not crying with tears. You know, and he would go, well, you know, I went into the other song. fucking big goofball and now give

46:08 That's who I hang out with every single day from midnight to about 4 a.m. I've got gigs I've got to do. And it was they give me the money and Don had to tape more than like $10,000 in cash. You know, it's that simple. It was I wouldn't eat. Yeah, and he lost like 30 pounds. And it was for a long time. So it was just bottled water, you know, and that was it.

49:26 of it on the internet. And comedy sells. And he goes, but the movie's a fucking drama. So Dennis Hopper, you. Yeah, it's not online. But no one put it online? David Carradine was in it anywhere? Is it online? It's on IMDB, but it's not online. That's hilarious. We had a good director at the beginning. that monologue every time i did it for you because go, no, but I'm not doing that monologue every time.

51:59 I go, I'm not going to do a fucking thing you say. I go, and don't ever tell me what to do again, ever, in front of the camera, I go, Don, let's go. And that's it. and he agreed with it. And I go, do you want me to set the shot up? This was great because I was like a little at war with Frank Stallone at the time on the set. do all these takes and we don't even have sound and the the director's going well dice is

55:20 But we wouldn't stop driving. And, you know, so now he sees the final cut and he goes, what are you doing behind me? You make up with Paulie. You know what I mean? Well, calling somebody stupid and saying I don't like the guy are two different things. He always had it with you. Not everybody becomes the fucking Beatles. The name Clay, where'd that come from?

58:24 Well, you know what the original You know, I could turn to Vinnie Barbarino like, all right, so you asked me, Vinnie, you know, where's your homework? I couldn't believe it. I got to develop my own stage persona. You don't do jokes about him. I'm not hating the guy. as Travolta? He's a great actor, no doubt about it. who would blow him Is that it? You know?

1:01:40 Settle down. It's too bad you can't do it. That's a beautiful thing. I'll send you my special. You know, so even like with Irera, like you were saying, you know what I mean? But he missed out on the greatest gig in the world, you know, doing these arenas because he is an Italian from Philly. Like, why wouldn't you be able to have people come to the show?

1:03:33 wasn't on the john larry kent show but but it might have been that well you could look red band it was that night I opened up for Lenny. and I got to open up for Lenny reputation he's like pal you're pretty funny but you're gonna have to clean it up a little bit It was the John Larroquette show. Yeah. You had, you know, they had to fill a spot, so they put Barry Sobel in there.

1:05:45 A black, then Bill Hicks, he wants to wear it on the show and then rodney caught it you know he's going barry come here man And every night I'd go on at the comedy store. Because I knew when I would be in front of that camera that the only thing I needed to worry about was playing the people and the people at home. and I was in my outfit for the ride

1:08:25 many fucking comedians. Well, you know what? Showtime. They're into it. 18 cameras, you know, for the shoot. So you know, you know comics, now you got, I think we used 18 cameras for the shoot. And they just rocked it. And you want to know something? nervous excitement, and then you get that And that's another thing I like. So the crowds, you never get that full, amped-up crowd

1:11:10 it became dice mean you know for the second show and it just i just delivered the way i knew i can So you were really happy with the outcome of your performance. Yeah, they're so fun. to the Tracy Morgan thing If you're not into what a guy like Tracy Morgan would say or a guy like you would say, well, then don't fucking listen. Well, it's one of my favorite bits from your last thing.

1:14:06 And so it's about the whole marriage thing. And for people that don't like it, I really don't have many regrets on the material. But other than that, you know, it's a 98% new act. anger that I like to bring to stage. you know it wasn't like all right i do abcd and i'm done you would just go and i'm going kind of No, but I mean the energy. And I would see that the physical aspects of him moving around was really half of the...

1:17:29 But it became a thing. I felt like the Serpico of the comedy store because comics would go, you know, this is argument after argument with comics i go well you know what the club owner thinks i am funny Yeah, I agree. Yeah, it's very important to me. non-camaraderie of the To me, they're all similar in their styles on stage. know if they would have been that way if it wasn't for jerry because jerry had a very specific style

1:21:00 you know you know there was a story where we did a private party and uh you know i and I go, you really going to have me do my act? afterwards you know i'm asking him i go you see my act every night why are you laughing so hard he goes do you know what a stupid man you are you know, Larry Miller's the guy that got me Because why is it that when I would

1:23:11 But why is anybody saying that there's something wrong with that? I like him as a comic. They can't just relax and go with it. Then you're obviously not smart enough 300 arena shows? Yeah, well, picture doing 100,000, you know, at the Rose Bowl with being the middle act for Metallica and Guns N' Roses. and and that went on for a while you know then there were five you know you did you know in this

1:26:12 twice a day, you know, and if it wasn't for the drums and music, I probably would have never So I decided, well, if I'm going to stay in this game and be a comic, I want to create the most visually exciting comic people have ever seen in the world ever you know and honestly you know when you see the special and i got great respect for you and what you do but

1:27:36 This is how I like to dress. than them? You know what I mean? And so now I'm at a point in my life where if you don't like me, there's a lot of different kinds of comedy. I love seeing... Well, it's live in the front row. I love seeing – One of the things that I was howling is when I came backstage afterwards For comedy, that's why I try to explain in that album, The Day the Laughter Died, that it's just about funny.

1:30:13 Yeah, I do have strong rules in that way. Did you ever feel like at a time that you ever crossed the line, though? You know, it's a great word. And so you have to double her. Right. it they're they're literally rolling in the fucking aisle you know i've had a girl throw San Antonio, Texas. God Right. I wasn't even filming back. Yeah, the majority. Look, it is possible.

1:33:56 He has one of those where he just has 1,000 computers and cell phones in front of him, and they put him right in the front. And he's just fucking saying these horrible things the whole time. Why don't they kick him out? Well, and also, let's be honest. nine, Jesus Christ. you know, like the whole The comedy store was the best workout for that place.

1:36:23 You know, and, you know, that's how you got to meet some of those guys. and everybody was coming to see him. Who'd you get to follow? You can't have any bullshit. Yes, she was great. And I love him. Yeah. I was like, I'm an amateur. Is he doing it again? He's great. I mean, I loved his first special. I almost bought that place. That house has got some fucking history to it.

1:40:02 and I wouldn't even talk to these guys. right and I used to have to follow him to at the store well you knew fucking sales pitch the other day start up and this and that. But the fucking sales pitch was just ready, go. You got to shake someone's hand. That says something about somebody's character. They can't handle it. I mean, it's the crate. A best way to learn would be some sort of one-on-one instruction where you get to explain

1:43:15 The quiet and sitting and the iPads and all the And you know what? You can see all your shit up there. and make them move, and you'll be able to pick ones and stretch them. But the contact lenses that allow you to see email and shit on them. Have you ever thought, do you have, like, a Lasix issue? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's me, man. Is it bad? What are you talking about?

1:45:54 what I'm saying before I don't think I would because I don't like I'm not I don't think it's necessary. I was starting to know your history a little with the TV show and stuff. Yeah, it was really good advice. Because the one thing I could tell with you when you're on stage is you love it. Are you going to tour a lot now with this? you're going to come up with more possibilities than you will in the moment.

1:48:14 like young guys, they say, That's where I'll come up with stuff. Like if I come up with something and it goes a little too long, she'll explain why it's got to be. to go further with it that's it that's the joke end it there you know and because of her latin You know what I mean? Yeah. you're going to go, like that you know it comes from you. when he was stealing it.

1:50:56 That doesn't bother me. with great stuff for me. You know, verse, you know, the bald monkey, Because I listened to him. That's what's so nuts. this and that so as I'm driving there he's talking to me he goes all I want you to say if you bring up technology is that you don't have a blackberry and the Does he even know what he's doing? But 8 in the morning when people are shaving and getting ready for work

1:54:06 say it, which they should ban him. the TV station. I don't see that being your fault. That guy was ridiculous, but it was great. Oh. and he just becomes a filmmaker at that point. Yeah, me and Tommy G. You know, that guy made a mistake. Running a gym? Go ahead. You know what? Look at that guy's gone. What was crazy is, and the guy knew it, that the next night I was at the Beacon Theater and it was oversold.

1:57:15 Where he is. Are you friends with Tosh? an interesting thing. All right. Give a chance for him to apologize. I love it. He paid the price. For a while you were actually Like you could get on one of those shows and have ridiculous opinions and then they fucking fire you. Because he didn't do Right. And I wish Eleanor was here to tell the story They couldn't believe it was airing.

2:01:12 So you weren't breaking any laws. I think that's, like, a quarter million dollars, and I think you can. hbo it's like the same thing really this guy probably just sits there all day and go everybody That's what he turned into after that. The only thing he regrets is that that happened. That's why I love this show Yeah it's cool that you guys Yeah, it's my little group.

2:03:34 Or could you use – you're the first guy that I heard of that, like, used Vegas, like you said, like the store. So many comics are moving there, living there. So they cut it in half Bay. They got a big showroom. Oh, no, no, It's actually not even half the room. It's a great place. That would be great. Alan, you silly bitch. What's his name again? So does Jake LaMotta.

2:05:55 And it was Stanhope, Diaz, me, and a band. band they're like almost like kind of country-ish kind of like rock-ish country like they play a lot Oh, yeah. a 40 minute flight. He lives in Burbank. tips to oh when you're driving there about anywhere between 12 and 1 a.m no no in the morning yeah no in the afternoon you fuck afternoon you get it wrong twice yeah we've

2:07:58 I know exactly where it is. You know, yeah, I'll do it, like, two weekends out of the month, you know, two four-day weekends. masada connected yeah and it's the laugh factory and uh uh Harry B you know Harry Basil right? I really don't know him it's only opened like 6 months And there's a lot of comedy clubs, but that would be one of the best. Right.

2:09:51 No, no. Before he was ever an actor, he was the guy who ran the Riviera. It's hard for a lot of those guys to transition from a show that's that memorable. Are they really? I want like 100, like a smaller room, 150. Riviera Comedy Club, that's a good spot. Well, how big a room do you want? I want like 100, like a smaller room, 150. And then the place upstairs where you were at?

2:11:35 just like that. And by the way, you've got to Twink in the gay community, Yeah, exactly. He was forced to apologize for calling someone twinks. Trannies either. What do you get up in the morning? Andy Cohen, who's the guy's, I guess he's the head of Bravo, I guess. And then his tweet, hashtag holy twink. But that's what we've been talking – because we were talking about it with comedy.

2:14:13 the little hot boy a twink? Just silly, dumb people. You have to apologize to, like, who was it? It's like me calling somebody a gay. at me, you can go fuck yourself. Well, that's what I'm saying. Not only that Those Cuba bitches they they're tropical. Yeah, this is me too. It's fascinating shit, man. Like in the Alaska shows, they're like, I gotta go shoot a bear today.

2:17:26 Let's start a new storyline here. It's not for you. You're going to watch it. That's interesting to watch because they don't have to worry about that shit Yeah. your freezer that's a completely different situation that's interesting that's what it is you know i can't feel bad you know for a girl that's living in an 18 000 square foot home There's so much dumbness.

2:19:54 I shouldn't have been around there, but I was. Yeah, like, you know what I mean? That guy who had a cut through his fucking arm. Oh, there's some mineral? Oh, was she? And he's just sitting minding his own business, and all of a sudden, the rage. you know but when you know when she was telling people about salt, Then it was Rogan mean. I shouldn't have been around there, but

2:22:22 or something, I love to congratulate We don't even want kids. You were videotaping it with cameras. you had you just had a humongous box of tapes behind you, but there was no show but yet i was making it a show yeah and i really just loved so when i'd come Like they didn't even have a choice as how to say it as an actor. thousands you know just madness i have this uh this uh because i did film a lot of stuff career Thousands. Thousands. Just madness.

2:25:26 on the road, all of it. I'd get my home 10 p.m. 10 p.m. Last 10 years. Bobby Kelly was there, too. Very, very nice guy. He loves you. It's really like going back to some of your earlier work. Because I know people watching are going to look and go, he's threatening to choke this guy. it's very fun oh we get pumped up to have you. Follow Dice on Twitter. It's TheRealDiceClay.

2:27:55 Babe, the new site again, what's it called? But AndrewDiceClay.com, do you own that? AndrewDiceClayOfficial, and it's the real Andrew. so go follow those too you fucks Thank you very much, everybody. all of us. surprises that... A couple surprises that may or may not be Doug Benson. Yeah, we do the Ice House all the time. No, not this week. Yeah. and everybody's like

2:30:19 It's a loose fucking crowd. But we've got a lot of fun people. So go fuck yourself, and we'll see you next week. Thank you.