Joe Rogan Experience #305 — Bert Kreischer Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Dude, there's a conspiracy afoot. You have to put the Rory McDonald Joe Rogan podcast You shouldn't request them. No, I don't. But you love her. She's the nicest lady of all time. I don't love her like that. Well, I'd fuck a dude if you left me in prison. I think I would fuck it. I love what she does. It's like, everything's positive. How great would it be if you see the pan across the audience

3:19 She's always, like, being positive and doing nice things. I don't think that they need me inside of them. Fuck that green chick To save the world, we have to fuck. Yeah. Maybe I'm not lesbian. exactly like oh my god I felt so much better so what she wants is probably a Yeah, Ellen bought that for him after he fucked the shit out of her probably. Finger yourself and chill out.

6:11 I would have to say you have to be a strong man of some accomplishments probably in your you were around as well, so you tainted the entire experiment. So all your database they were drawing from, their behavior was around you. said you did it to him burt you turned him you turned them you can do that if you if you're a shitty enough boyfriend you can't turn a chick I I

8:02 there's so many factors you have to take into consideration guy will uh i've never heard of a guy giving up on women yeah right but women do give up on men There'll be a brown a certain type of guy and then they'll find themselves like repeating that pattern for When I was young when I was doing Taekwondo there was this lady who was like a U.S. national champion that trained out of our gym.

10:17 Very rarely. You can't just beat the shit out of them. but I've never seen it, like, with a chick, with the right ones, And you will ruin your body before you ever get to a high skill proficiency. know is not going to hit you hard. to spar because when you spar that way then you understand timing and movement and you can do it With sparring, you're just working timing and positioning. That's for for the most part that's why the guys that are really technical like the the

13:25 That's what a lot of people used to do. Yeah. doing that uh what was that i remember that dude sports show he's got a sports show no some guy I just remember, that's the fucking celebrity a lot of what pool's about is like about sudden i just hear just and it right on the top of my foot and i was and it had a dent in it and Oh, my God. and Death Squad Scotland.

16:37 This easily could be laced. It's very kind. Like, I lost 100 pounds. Did you see that dude who lost a ton of weight he posted his pictures And then for stand-up, it makes stand-up even crazier because then you go to do stand-up and they're like, ooh, tell the time that you peed on your girlfriend's dining room table. Yeah, there is, right? one couple I took to Vegas,

18:39 so they just listened on his iPhone Everyone in Austin, Texas, I am looking for new Trip Flip contestants. I talked to the club. How often do you work in Austin? Once a year,. I might go down. You've got to do a set. I talked to the club. I emailed them and told them that I was going to be down. It makes your shit look redundant. That's pretty gross with guest sets.

20:28 Jason Tebow always does that. He really shouldn't be on that stage anyway. Oh, wait. I tried to get Bert. this dog, it was the hardest part. Okay. account. Cap City Comedy Club is one of the best clubs in the country. Before they moved it. Jesus. What a scary story, I don't know. I told them, Travel Channel's been And they're like, well, fuck it. and they fucking love it.

24:15 That horrible sound in the black smoke. Oh, Jesus. is delicious. It's probably terrible for Egg whites. So I didn't catch it until I was second gulp. I'm going to pull it up. A man died after eating 28 eggs for a bet. Yeah, you lost me. Oh, the shell and everything. that this guy swallowed them. What? Is it one more bite? The guy could have been great at writing books.

27:49 Say that one more time. before we actually started talking about it here, I'll put him on the spot. i knew it it's his name is adam. Yeah, that's what he said. star Adam Richman, daring him to prove that he can eat $40 worth of items at a Denny's Was accompanied by a pledge from Denny's It says Denny's everywhere, you fuck. because I think he should.

30:39 Oh, sure. This guy ate it in fucking 30 minutes. And I go, it's been so long. That dude Pat Duffy who was that intern from the Opie – for folks who don't know what the fuck we're talking about, this is kind of a specialized little story. Right. He would brush his teeth with dog shit. the guy who won was actually a diabetic. He's fucking crazy. He's like a great guy yeah very funny guy too actually by the way he

32:55 I think it was Bill Burr. Oh, my God. And he's projectile vomiting in a way that you never see in the real world. That guy threw up in his open mouth, okay? Awful. God, that is how can it be taught that was me When we went to his house. badass really he didn't just have this he had servers he had his own servers so His name's been coming up a lot recently.

35:23 It's fucking awesome. You know what? with people's response to it, that people liked it. enjoyed it. I was like, that was funny. That's like We're talking about doing it the way you did your hour special. You just get up and talk. I'm wearing your shit right now, your fucking t-shirt. Why not, right? Hartman says we put it in all the improvs. Oh, my God. That's brilliant. It's fucking. Oh, my God. I love it. Fucking Hartman says. That's a brilliant idea. Hartman says we put it in all the improvs.

37:50 It's so brilliant. This is something cool we're all a part of. I know. You could do that too. He's a great guy, man. He's just the coolest motherfucker ever. He's amazing. like having a supplement company where you're doing it like in the most ethical way possible google's like super cool to work for like everybody who works for google's like super happy apple

40:46 day for the plant they go sorry no job here yeah no job for you no i'm sorry sorry mr kentucky man It's pretty good. my sister is in charge i loved it yeah i loved it my sister's in charge of screeners She doesn't know what the fuck to do. And Cotty says J-E-W-S I have has to be Huh? stand-up she's so funny your sister she's the funniest human being on death squad she's the funniest

44:12 like do you need to take me to school did you piss on yourself and i'm like no because you smell like I had to be over 21. So I get in the car, what kind of how bad is your piss smell it's so strong you know you've smelled piss like when a dog yeah when it dries out yeah what it is very interesting conversation with Mary Catherine. She just thought some old lady fucking pissed on her.

46:28 And we'd send her around with a hat to get money for a new keg. just let it sit there it's got a point what the fuck are you saying could you imagine if someone said it's a purple you'd be like go fuck yourself it's not a purple what is it it's a plum is that what it is it's a purple no it's Cold owns blue. that was just the noise they made when they saw it made noises with their mouths do you think one

48:36 Come on. Bert. What is your noise that I have to make that represents you? I'm Eric. Wait, hold on. website falls off the map you don't come back that seems true isn't it isn't it funny like they don't Run DMC were so iconic. It's hard for a rapper to fall off. It's a big viral hit. I'm not doing it any justice. Please pull it up, Brian. Come on! Come on!

52:55 If I do, yes. He is the purest fucking representation of art incarnate. That's a fucking great idea. I'm too terrified of someone grabbing me and choking me with it. goes that's mine and donovan was his name scary motherfucker that's annoying chain stealing that was a big part of uh growing up you always Yeah. Flying Lotus. Yeah. If you've ever seen – is it Dance Floor Dale or Dance Hall Dale?

55:37 It's all things. Flying Lotus is music, and that's what we said, right? Yeah, he's going to. And I think it's... Is it called dance hall Dale dance floor Dale dance floor Dale, and I think it's it's is it Tim and Eric and annoying anyway there's have you ever seen tim and eric's uh snl uh intros no no i didn't say Tim and Eric did a copy, did a version of it, for them for their show it was fucking hilarious the um every now and then like i if i i can't be bothered to like

57:48 Bill Hader doing a puppet. to do what they're doing. But then there are so many misses. many misses imagine if you had to do an If they ever want to make a Saturday Night Live comeback, He's a great guy. I mean, for a lot of people who want to be an actor, it sounds like a good time. Where Brian Callen excels is at being him. on the Sportsman's Network

1:00:05 Really? certain people that they like he's he's rock solid so i knew that we were going to go camping in anybody so steve contacted you and you were like can i bring a buddy yes i knew i like for i'm like So we're standing over the carcass. I'm getting one of those air cleaners. it made no sense at all but it was so violent and ridiculous and hilarious for five days it was

1:03:23 that made you know like my sound guy, John Sayles, is like, That's sad. and be happy that these people are trying to be nice to you. I don't know. didn't know she was but I didn't know she was so fucking walked over to her Right. Okay. bring them to you hit it you make your pick and you hit it so my brain went rachel my brain went Yeah. 25-year-old 11.

1:06:48 I want some. Like I see them and I go, what? Because I was dating a girl and she saw that in my car. was like don't let your girlfriend know that you have that book by the way why because uh i was well, it's going to be really interesting to talk to this guy because one of the things is about promiscuity Absolute stranger, you know nothing about them and yet you can fuck them that didn't exist before

1:09:18 But even though you would use the word promiscuous to describe that, the word promiscuity has It doesn't necessarily mean anything. sexually as well you know and I think it probably is and I'm not I'm not like a they both get obliterated in a fucking sea of meth it's crazy how easily you can point out a mess you And that is one of the things that I've been most proud of about this podcast

1:12:11 And I'll say this. Told them where I was. No, but it's so funny because we ended up – you had just done a podcast with Bob Got Goldthwait. Mad Technique. And Suave. Yeah. We're going to get Vinny. awesome and his album hadn't come out yet his album hadn't come out yet i think when you tweeted like 20 30 if you go there right now you'll probably see a hundred thousand fucking hits

1:15:28 Down the corridor. think. You haven't cut it yet? I love his lyrics. Wait, look. He looks like Patton Oswalt. By the way, mad respect to Patton Oswalt. everyone's got New York Jay-z's got New York DMX got New York he's talking about Vandelay. Hold on. His nickname's The Maniac. Yeah, he moved there for the Militich When he knocked out Rico Rodriguez to win the title, Tim Sylvia, man, a lot of people sleep on that.

1:18:34 keep going he might not have known that his arm was broken when you're so filled up with adrenaline Brian, pull that shit up. pull up dream 18 dennis kang melvin manhoef is one of the scariest i Is that like Macy's shit? What do you mean do Tenth Planet? heavyweights all the time like dude's way bigger than he's fighting 185 right now yeah he's scary shit

1:20:55 fucking your ex-girlfriend walking around your house Hey, big fan. No, 10th Planet. Oh. I talked to you. out he goes i can get you tapping motherfuckers out within a year i go really he goes done he We'll do it in your backyard. the ufc i didn't even put makeup on i just left it on i had black eyes during the whole broadcast like he believes in chemtrails,

1:23:31 which is one of the greatest stories in the history of the universe. And he had sex with her in a very close quarters in the back of a truck. Oh, that's hilarious. He invited me, bitch. It's so funny you say this. I don't think I've ever paid him the honest respect. You can't help it. If you want to be a good writer, that's one of the things that Stephen King stresses.

1:26:42 Diaz what you've done what you guys have done with the Ice House Chronicles and getting all the comics there for one night is amazing. The last Ice House show. We're right here. Doug's amazing. together yeah i'll tell you like we're like a week apart from each other i've known that dude texted and we were all like I don't wanna fucking interrupt them hanging out

1:29:28 There's a reason why your cup can hold water or hold coffee or whatever. You got cup fucked. If it was on the road, I'd show up. I never get to see you do stand-up. you're welcome. I went to coffee with Joey the next day. I'm in the green room I knew, like, what a rare diamond this is. I've ever met in my life. hey sometimes I just wanna smoke inside a smoke inside you all need to swim until you

1:32:52 Oh, the Brad Pitt. So we have to pull it up. No, no, no. Well, we don't hate I cannot really be He's a good actor. He's great. what the world turns and we turn with plans to What? The world turns and we turn with it. Play this again, because nobody knows what you just said. There you are I bet his kiss is salty You're not wearing that suit right now.

1:35:23 I didn't do it. Can you pause this for one second? And I'm not into it. I want you to tell me what the fuck is really going on. You only agree to that shit when you're starving. I can't hate on the guy. The point is, you can smoke blue virtually anywhere. And it's so funny to watch him and just know it's an electric cigarette. What'd they say? He's really trying to ear-fuck you.

1:38:40 uber douchey guy like ridiculous my love maybe he's maybe he's listening to this right now need to concentrate on not not when it manifested itself but how the fuck everybody isn't up in Bill Maher I'm like what Bill Maher is a pimp that dude is a pimp girls yeah yeah He had a beef with Dice Clay. And apparently it was just absolutely disastrous. And his place is that show.

1:41:16 So I read an article... that show that made me laugh so hard yeah listen to it see his new year's eve special no is it And it was so fucking funny. He was telling me, Louis Anderson, and Chris Rock. we that's ridiculous exactly yeah i know no that's why that's why i'm putting in perspective That's ridiculous. Yeah, yeah. I didn't know you. I mean, look, it's a gross distinction when you're putting it on yourself.

1:43:56 I was with Kevin James. tell their friends we watched it all happen that Tom Cruise is down here and they run back over to try to get out of the arena because like you gotta like like like this time i was meeting some Yeah. Can you point out someone that you go? He got on the plane and he fucking slept. One of the things that we've been discussing about what we're doing by doing all these podcasts.

1:47:08 And when... But are they really a network? Like as we sort of do all these podcasts Everyone's a part of it. It's so interesting that you say that because now that I think about it, I go, yeah, like Duncan, like the people that have been on my podcast are Joey, Ari, Hefron. a podcast now I never knew what it was like I just always did them because I liked them

1:49:14 Exactly. to him since but i don't i don't want to necessarily go into anything no i don't want to Right. I think that show was the funniest show for me that I've ever seen in the history of my life. a hot button topic by bringing up that shit is childish and i am a grown man and i don't play Yeah. The moment you do that, you feel like such a stupid person and you're sucked into a web.

1:51:58 there's been truth in a lot of it. They've seen something. look, my wife would not want to hang out with Joey Diaz. like just be nice and find the people that you do like and everything's fine but even the people And then he wrote back, oh, ha, ha, ha, so funny. Didn't know you'd read this. But I think the way you don't really mean it. Twitch Twitters, which is that's such a fucking funny way. It's like sweet. It's you know what it is. It's like tweet Tourette's. Yeah

1:55:17 the fuck could you be that person but maybe that's a new part of like maybe they're going to be like is that people can respond to these kids I can't even fathom that. Well, the reason why they've always existed, one of the big reasons is that there have been no repercussions for it in an eternal way. Like, there's never been, like, there's never been, like, documentation about a gang rape

1:56:28 Wait, hold on. The guy – first of all, we have to figure out what – if you don't know the story there was apparently a gang rape in ohio like a year ago and what happened was the whole town What is that? They brought her to more than one party. And they have... And she's unconscious. I have not. they are one of the most valuable assets on the internet.

1:58:55 You scared him. But I try as hard as I can be to be a nice guy. There's going to be privacy filters that we're going to try to put into place to keep people from contacting you. with you and how they interpret you you can see weakness in people that you don't have to see in yourself. anybody out there that's lost a loved one or has had someone victim of a violent crime that sounds

2:01:16 That was fucking... I appreciate what they're doing, and I'll follow anybody who does that on Twitter. Just recently. but how about a PhD insatiable. go and Dern, D-E-R-N, and I said, On a Dude watch I finally watched it I think I tweeted him or something, the one with Ira glass, I had to stop running and sit down and finish it. Dimitri, they do these live shows in a theater with the lights out because it's a podcast, right?

2:03:39 Okay. And Dimitri said, I think we should get everyone laser pointers so they can all hit – It's an even worse idea. They still are dangerous. gradient it is the fucking coolest interview i've heard and he's an old man so he's not trying to So they make sure that nobody gets crazy. No record. Most of your reserves will be spent concentrating on cock feelings.

2:06:20 Cut off the lights. A gymnast can miss a podcast? Everyone's lying down. And there's that element. to each other you just turn your mic on when it's your turn so like we would all lie down together Because we're not all going to move our families. Melrose. Enjoy it. named Bruce. So wait, what's the next You get a slab in Texas. how dedicated on it Everybody keeps complaining.

2:09:58 On it, man purses are going to have fake rubies. Man purse. Go on Amazon and look up saddle leather laptop bag. Clooney collection yeah it's a very I looked very sexy sophisticated that's So this compound sounds a lot like a village. I'm not going to give you a cow for some gold if there's no internet. Okay. And I love the fact that he promotes a hunting lifestyle.

2:12:42 that may be infinite, at one one point in How about you don't bring a weapon? The aberration of school shootings So they're put in this position of extreme power and influence without having the character, meal or your next place to sleep or your next dollar that you earn and comparing that to And that's where those create. taken to growing um vegetables and it and i heard i might have heard it on your fucking podcast

2:16:19 kind of shit because i i you i kind of it's like i wonder if it's a connection with working out What was his book? He's great. Yeah, I know. diet and plant-based foods and how healthy he became because of it is so inspirational That's a really good point. And he was like, hey, let's do shots. Like if you do shots, then we can all do shots. But if you don't do them, then we're going to look weird you do shots and we can all do shots but if you don't do them then we're gonna look weird if we do shots like what kind of logic

2:19:09 it's because you're not paying attention. Then all of a sudden all the parents look like degenerates because the guy that is nationally known for smoking pot is choosing to be sober because he wants to be – you know what I mean? And my point of view on altering your state of consciousness, as hypocritical as it may be, and it absolutely is, is that you should not do it until your brain forms.

2:20:41 until my early 20s were based on fighting performance. Yeah, it was pretty fucking awesome. You want to? Let's do another hour. As comfortable as I am with my sexuality. Sorry. Thank you, Deswad, Ohio. same time i wouldn't recommend it if you have to drive thank you desuad oh if you're around good friends like jamie the new guy burt kreischer aka the machine or brian redband

2:23:25 That's O-N-N-I-T. Because that will be the commodity of the future. and Al Gore Don't say a word. I want you to realize this is a goddamn commercial-free podcast. Named her a fucking consolation or some shit. in the middle of the universe. because I have almost zero hair Oh, yeah. Let's be realistic. He is not trying to win sexiest man. I told you to stop communicating with those people.

2:27:00 God damn it. Okay? He's an asshole. And he's a cool motherfucker. I love his point of view. She didn't have that. No, she did. No, swear to God, Joe. All right, wait. And I'm such a huge fan of individual points of expression where, like, there's certain, like, pool cues Michelle McGee. Like, as in white power. I don't think. who we've had on the podcast oh she was a great podcast yeah she was really cool there's there's a lot of really good artists in California, especially Kat Von D, who we've had on the podcast.

2:30:27 to him like immediately we hit it off I was like this guy was cool as fuck he's talk about while he was tattooing you? about three Yeah, I have to. I thought you did too. Remember who you are. experience my friend but uh that's a jameson experience that tattoo i did draw it i drew that San Diego. I always liked tattoos. acting as a DJ I thought that was hilarious so that's great it's funny

2:33:50 No. I don't think that it's a negative gateway. we have associated cannabis smokers and users but is most likely necessary. exact opposite this i hate to fucking bring up this goddamn radio lab show again. They were talking about religious experiences and people who did acid. 20, 10 have a Like 9 out of the 10 people that took acid. rants that are they're ignorant and even though you know we had a conversation with um Cara Santa

2:37:21 And it's hard. Psychedelics. Just cock blocking the fuck out of you. the state of consciousness that you exist right now can never be elevated this is what it is would be there the best feelings my kids are there sun setting in hollywood my wife walking You love, like, ultimate relaxation moments Well, that's why you're, like, nah they're like okay right it's such a great like there's definitely a thing

2:40:56 and then the phone rings and it's them. and then them calling you and that meaning anything significant whatsoever. and then all of a sudden you call me immediately. You think that's what it is? of these I'm like all right I've never talked about ginger Jewish gingers my So you think somebody's reading my presence? It already happens in life. God does it well the universe does it it trickles onto you you sound like you're ripe for a cult

2:44:11 I pull it up? They're all living up there. I've got to have meat. And I wish that they didn't fucking keep making animals. Meanwhile, he's got an awesome spot. and he says he's Jesus too? And I'm not shitting on Canada because you guys are second. I'd move to Australia in a fucking heartbeat. go how would we travel across america like how would how would your family size up you know in

2:47:15 1900s. My grandfather's family They'd have to go and borrow food from people that were neighbors. He got walked on by my grandmother. Or when my – my mother was 21, rather, when I was born. No, they're older than that. I don't want to do the math, but the point was my mother was young. My dad gave me a speech on my 26th birthday that was like fucking aggressive.

2:49:38 Got his life's option by rollover stone. He's in New York to a stand-up Like, I went, he taught me how to get, I didn't know you could literally be humble and say, Me, like outside, this is every single night hanging outside. club but I never like new years you see him on stage fucking Nick's brother love But he goes, yeah, they were writing rescue signs on the roof, but I'm not doing this any justice.

2:51:53 A lot of people say they haven't said the N-word. I watched Nardi and Ick. and to take me can already put a regular and it's like And you could still put it on DirecTV or whatever the fuck you're putting it on. We were talking. And he was like, ma'am, I hope the next time you reach under your armpit you feel a lump. They'll Google me, and they'll go, oh, shit, I didn't know you were this guy.

2:54:20 Tough Crowd was a definitive show of my life. It seems like, like, why would you ever? this listen man we're so lucky that we are existing in this time where you can do this thing hit pause for a second, Brian. Greg Geraldo was a fucking beautiful dude. Giraldo and Bill Burr to greg for like fucking 10 minutes in between a break and a song and just was like man how's

2:56:46 I thought her tits were so big they had to tape them up. Incredibly talented. And I was like, oh, that's the words. And there was also a lot of improvisation, And it was, you know, and being able to watch that and to watch someone do that and to be in that situation i was like wow i'm like this is this is this is like an ideal situation he uh i i was the this is this is

2:59:08 He's an amazing dad. But what I'm saying about Morris, she was built. She was very hot. But, yeah, but Greg Geraldo shot across from you guys, and you guys used to party, right? He's a great dude. He's always been like an open... We did that Showtime special with Russell Peters. So I started, I put my fucking dad's credit card down and I fucking bought beers and talked

3:01:06 It's like we have like real comedian camaraderie. You can't do that. It's all right. Are you serious? Let me tell you something. The second time And I was in a place called He's a six-pack. What documentary was it? i mean he's like really lean he doesn't have a gut at all a lot of italian guys out of work Is it during the nukes of hazard? I don't know. Someone should find this off

3:04:39 Dennis Leary's upset. You have to be strong about it, but there are approaches. They're good ones. homework and then asked if there was any more that needed to be done. He just crushed him. Dennis Leary, when that came out, had been in a ton of movies. Yeah going fuck what it's it's uh there's a there's a certain personality that and i i'm not gonna speak i'm not

3:07:27 You're overlooking the thought. You know how difficult that shit is? And the people in North America, for the most part, Is Korean not translatable? He started the taco truck? They get things done. I don't even know what you've said yet. Theocracy? Passion. It's not just that car. It sucked dick. I have a Shelby GT500, and I fucking love it, okay? Would a terrorist infiltrate the fucking Ford plants and hold down the designers by gunpoint and gay up all the drawings?

3:11:54 and then there was this manliness, and they disappeared. in that seat, I would let the steering wheel be close to my face because I wanted it there. Oh, the new ones. That's a goddamn Miata and it's pink. How dare What time is your comedy show tonight, Brian? Hey, my name is Brian Redband. I have like three rooms. Yes, Austin. How do we get a death squad studio in a warehouse where we can make TV shows?

3:14:04 It just needs to be an umbrella. It's not for you, bitch. they got a new phone number they're like sorry i got a new phone number and i thought they were And a lot of it will start off from the podcast, like examining all sorts of different – there's no tentative – well, we sort of have a tentative title, but I'm not necessarily happy with it so the idea is like the way we've done the podcast where we explore all these different ideas whether it's uh shamanism or ghosts or

3:15:34 and reporting for ages I think it's possible. I believe in Chupacabra. And once we do tap into that, I will be able to fly. He goes, if you thought you could fly, why didn't you start off he goes what an idiot because he thought he could Well, there's certain aspects of life through this big Tesla coil right now but the Fisker Karma is the one and they have like a 16 of them I

3:18:09 But if I can save like two bucks a gallon but my car explodes when I hit a puddle. The Tesla, not the Roadster, but the larger car. Yeah. If I was Amber Lyon, I'd say, what was it? By the way, mad love to Brian Callen and mad love to Amber Lyon. I don't know why they're not on the travel channel. I think they could put that on. Why not? We enjoy watching it on the internet. Why can't

3:21:00 going to have to accept that they're not going to to sell time. But they do. See, that's what's really stupid. any of the things where you try to target people. Reality is there's a lot of fucked up shit out there, and I can find it now. I can find it on the internet. It's not. It's not reality. Reality is there's a lot of fucked up shit But that Tesla car looks bad as fuck.

3:22:21 I might be wrong, but it's a huge fucking power and torque. That's also in the Zs1 but it's a might be wrong but it's a huge fucking power and torque that's also in the zr1 It has 440 fucking horsepower. on a track for you don't feel as loose maybe as you do in a Dodge Challenger. couldn't take corners in them yeah like this these are click completely different animals but the Challenger is still like a muscle car whereas like the Camaro has become

3:25:00 taped it and i just fucking flew it was so much fun like those paddle just flying yeah those paddle shifters but there's something that's like mechanically engaging about putting the clutch in sliding the and you got to not let her and let her know Mm-hmm. thank you i find you funny all the time no no but we like like i listen to the podcast and when i

3:27:33 All right. So I have four bags. We get out. I jokingly in front of this bellman thinking he'll laugh I go hey man if you want we can open up that But what if he said yes? I don't think he will. I go to do the Kentucky Improv or whatever in Louisville. Beggars guild and we're gonna play that in the background. Come on, sweetie. Let me design this thing. I know what I'm doing

3:29:32 We already did that today. You know what we need? We can do Fridays there with Callum. Tell me what happened. He's earned his tip, right? Second elevator door opened. the whole time. So we get to the last door going on? Or they're being flirty. So he was going to his room. What were you thinking about? so I jokingly look at the old guy, and I go, And he goes, I don't want that to happen.

3:33:04 And the black guy's gone. He's in my room. OK? So I go, fuck. And he shuts the door, and he's fucking panicked. And I look to the black guy, and the black guy's gone. I said, well, I gotta give you a tip, man. So I knocked and scratched. the door and say hey man i'm a comedian i'm really sorry it was got it was past that it was past that My only friend.

3:34:50 You're welcome when it starts. We will talk about Machine Vodka for one year for absolutely zero money. With Rachel Ray. I'm a grateful fucking man. He's not ready yet. Yes, he does. of the Bert Kreischer Bert Bert Bert C, get your shit together, bitches. bitches God bless