Joe Rogan Experience #31 — Jason "Mayhem" Miller Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Zam, ladies and gentlemen, we are live, goddammit. Well, of Strikeforce fame too, man. I'll be taking all my... Because all the vaginas are pink. Someone's had some black something somewhere along the line. Who actually makes the molds? one of those is an official vagina. because I'm not looking at it. Where's its fucking body? Well, yeah, that's true.

2:30 Just shut the fuck up. Well, you're a TV star now, man. I'm like, please, somebody Saturday Night Live, somebody make fun of this because it's getting there. MTV parties I really think I've known Mayhem for a long time now, and Mayhem is one of the coolest guys I've ever met. Skybar. You were like 22. All right. No, no, no. Okay. It's at the Mondrian.

5:16 party that you that you imagine right and i'd never been to hollywood that was like my first I look over and there's a hot chick and she's looking at me But too late. And I was like, that was stupid. that was awesome shit but you get labeled in with the other No, no, no. That's on the internet. Find it on YouTube. Mayhem Freak Out. Actually one of the this developer is in on this joke, okay, so you're doing so so if you notice in this video

8:55 Arm submission. What's wrong? There was this one dude who was talking who was really, he sounded really freaked out. I'm like, whoa. You're fucking, that's what you think? That guy. Oh, sorry. Did you think, well, the designer wasn't going to beat you up. That was very funny, organizations that they don't have enough experience yet there's little things they

11:57 They just fucked up. What happened was you came in, and you, like, interrupted in the middle of his speech. because I didn't mean to step into his frame. kick your ass next time you know there's mutual respect i respect him he respects me and and and Wow, an hour? where's my rematch buddy whoops because then i just proceeded to get stocked and dogpiled.

14:10 I shot a double leg on somebody I was like, whoa, oh, my God. Yeah, what's up with that dude? Mike Chiavello, are you fucking kidding me? It's – I can't remember. A friend of mine, he wrote this book. If it was just like fighting or fighting in art. I'm sure it's on Amazon or something like that. Mayhem Preface. I'm sure it's on Amazon Oh, but... Come on, Hot Dog Dog.

16:37 Buddy, you can't go down there. you know, I like to yell. we are the whitest podcast. So, anyway, for the people who haven't seen this, this is what happened. What? There was a, That doesn't know how I hold it. I love it too. Look, he's going there again. By the way, remember that couch story story we were talking about the Sky Bar? girls like fucking glasses of wine going everywhere.

18:15 I do stupid shit all the time, but this is really stupid. We got to keep talking. Partially because at Red Band tweeted, like, man, he was stroking himself while he was in a rear naked choke homeboy was going to sleep there was the only reason i didn't hold him after It was dead locked on. fight. You know, I'm Mayhem Miller from MTV Hell yeah. Like, come on, man.

20:40 Okay. And the reality is you know you think you can beat him. Like, Rashad and Rampage, man, if neither one of those guys said a word to each other, Yes, there's some reality to it, but they kept their shit together. They're both great guys. I told you. Awesome. and and anyway he uh these guys suddenly i'm in the nightclub with some hot chicks. And I was like, dude, they're not here.

23:20 All I can hear is motherfucker. They're just like, ah, ah. And then one day, two fucking cage fighters come in. Because I talk black guy for sure. Like, my – from 12 – well, I moved to a less black neighborhood when I was 12. Because of an international incident. advantage of not getting the we might be here all day your mindset as opposed to no matter what

26:00 when you get inside But some guys go crazy. You know, that guy got fucking furious because of that. As far as his performance, all the shit-talking You know what I'm saying? Quick stoppage, man. And granted, Barnett was killing him. I'm a super-Carwin fan. I love But Big John stopped that fight in Australia, and I was like, He's a real fan. Outstanding.

28:36 No one from the Matrix is going to stop that. Yeah. getting kicked, and I remember thinking, Well, yeah, but I just know in my head, don't stop. Please don't stop the fight because I'm still despite me and Nick never getting along. He started that whole thing. it i came out and apologized right after that whole thing went down because i was wrong i stepped

31:12 That's not the proper response. You guys worked together and shit. He didn't get the joke, though. That's how the guy is. You know, listen. I mean, Nick Diaz is in tremendous shape. His last few fights, man, the fucking Scott Smith fight, I was really impressed. like a dude like that whole like always angry and always fighting it's you know it's unfortunate

33:12 Listen, I got uncles. he's the socially if he's not, when you're that good, But I think you've got a real good point. to people i've never seen you bully people or fuck with anybody which is really funny that you wound I was three years old. Like I just like beat this kid up but but did you start bullying bullying bully yeah no absolutely because maybe

35:22 in animals' mouths, but I would Photoshop them have blue lips and stuff like that live on the internet. Nobody else listened to it. Sorry, PETA. I got the wrong address. No, while we're on that subject, That's where someone lives. not nearly as bad He left his dog The way he speaks is so interesting. It is funny when someone tries to do a scam and gets busted.

37:36 No, no, he's a green. And they pretended that Chuck heard them. This guy turned out he was a dirty cop. That's the worst thing ever said on a podcast. So tell us what happened with this. Let's make up a name for this guy. No, no, no. And my friend goes, it's a big yellow building. Okay, so then he comes. I'm like, God. Okay? There's only one reason why a guy does that.

40:28 Like, she's like, believes it. You're having a hard time getting this out. This guy fucked you over. Yeah, fucked me over. Finally, I get, that sucks, man. Sensitive, sensitive. But anyway. Very sensitive. This guy fucked you over. She told me all that. So you had already fired him and then he did all this? And then what do you do? On Twitter. I saw that you did that.

42:02 I can't figure out how to delete the phone number. I think Dana did with his office number. You've had that number for a long-ass time. It's kind of fun when you lose a number and you've got to go. And I can't use it. Unfortunately, you put this guy's phone number online, Number 420. You know what? How about this? I just want my cult to be people of the same mindset.

44:20 Tubes and tunnels. I like it always awesome, but there's almost always After meeting them, they just drop off the board. That sucks. So you can meet cool people off the internet. Come on. is this person a negative person, I like that, too. And you know he's just slinging his I'm a good guy game. Like, you can tell when someone's throwing a game. Like Scientology.

47:26 He goes, yeah, well, we're in Scientology, and she's going to go clear, Let's talk here. nothing's going to come in. raped. I'll do that for like 40 Gs. South Park's the greatest fucking cartoon in history. japanese ladies do she doesn't speak english but so they go to a japanese church a christian church She didn't know the story. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

50:16 real scientists, and I think Science fiction. Here's the reality. The real question is, what the fuck is all this? a human race, but we're still in this crazy adolescent stage of figuring out how to behave and think and raise children to be normal humans. But has there ever been as big a disparity between people who are intelligent and involved and the people who aren't, all living in the same time?

52:26 that the human beings, what we are right now, I just hope that I get robot arms out of the field. No, we're not. Well, they can't even see that the Chinese chinese chick i dated her parents like super short and and and she just sprung up to Yeah, that was on purpose, too. That's what I'm saying. two groups of humans, intelligent ones No, bullshit. Pay attention to some of the crazy shit that you hear people do.

54:56 end I'm like whatever I'll be like the smartest it's hard to get them But the dumb chicks like, It is. Okay, there's that. Or she of college. She's out with all of her best friends and they're all drinking. Okay, there's that. hey, hey, hey, I just want to dance. Sexual pride. Whereas opposed to if you hang out with a lot of smart chicks, like they're going to want a lot of commitment. You're just like really easy and fun to hang out with. Whereas opposed to you hang out with a lot of smart chicks,

56:59 Yeah. Hell yeah. That was their bling. That was the equivalent of MTV Cribs. and you looked like royalty Is that what you're saying? I don't think so. They washed very rarely. But I think that's how we're supposed to be. I still don't love it. It's got that smell. They work. You would smell like assholes. It's like you have a bacteria He's just a little stoned.

59:51 What about stinky pussy, though? My nose doesn't work that good. That's all it is. Like you just barely pick it up. Like, all of your synapses from the gym But you know what's bad also is soap pussy, I'm sure I have. then it stinks. It's not like real blood. Let me tell you something. You're just chewing it up bare your face in it. If Mrs. Rogan is on her period,

1:02:52 I'm not afraid. You got to pick it off a tree. Yeah. Wow. That's like extra excitement. They're afraid of their feelings. Every one of us is here because two people fucked. I was a single man. you ever have some gladiator cock, they all fuck each other in the dressing room you are fucking hogging up my screen time i bet What do you do? People tune in

1:05:29 Secrets are being exposed because of the internet Because he's a train wreck celebrity. He's hilarious. always will egg a dude on Never. Yeah, that's years worth of buildup to get to that point where that kind of crazy is acceptable. You know what? Yeah. And I definitely think I got too into character and said some shit that was offensive. We can work this shit out, son.

1:08:03 Sushi Chef K. I know. Like, I'm like, I get banana sandwich sometimes, where you're like, shit, whore, cunt. Bipolar. Yeah. i've made a stripper that you don't have to say names an ex You know, the bottom line is, man, the body fucks up and sometimes doesn't produce the shit it's supposed to produce. Yeah, because you sit there and super focused and write.

1:10:41 I was writing whatever. Yeah, that's what it's called. I believe you, What should I Google? it probably tells you. I probably take 500 milligrams. I have a buddy who's a comic who's on the Adderall and he says having issues with energy and focus There's greenies in the Vietnam era. of methamphetamines and it was connected to kamikaze in the Japanese army?

1:12:56 Jap dudes are like You're a huge star over there, too. I call him Aniki. No, that's not true. Dudes will just fight like a warrior. nobody was going to go see him fight. come back and win, you know? I love Japan, Nobody had that steam built like the UFC from their negative side where no one had that steam built about kickboxing that anybody cared. that PKA karate shit

1:15:18 Yeah, it's like Well, you've got to be way stronger. Ken Shamrock got smashed by Pedro Hizzo. Just the bone just slams into Ken's leg and you look on so hard with such good technique I moved to California and trained Muay Thai for real and kicked the pads real hard. Because I kicked him, I got him a good one in the ribs, Because they're like, you learn how to kick where you're like,

1:17:57 They have the ability to throw like Taekwondo fast kicks, side kicks and turning side kicks. So, like, you're, like, worrying about, oh, this guy's going to kick me in the leg. that style of above the waist thing you got to stand so close to each other and whatnot you can't really get a good dig you know who watched that. to put like leg kick fights

1:19:47 fucked up Dennis Alexio with leg kicks. K-1 has had a few fights in America, but how the fuck is that not on TV? I watch more MMA because of HDNet than anything else. I was so pissed. details from that day? Like a certain smell? I just went up and I said to one of the guys that was working there, I said, do But Chuck Norris fucking opens his arms, gives me this big giant smile and says, Joe, what's

1:21:37 And to the dragon, that fight with Bruce Lee, With a little David Carradine. Morpheus. Brian, I don't want to talk about that. I see you, baby. Yo, man. Do you like working for them? as time goes on. do you think you would be I guess, you know what, I shouldn't say that. Yeah, he went, fuck it, I'm just going to keep going. Yeah. He walks around like 197.

1:23:58 Brian, what was that? We all know that. But goddamn, he's got haymakers. You wanted to hype up a rematch and everybody's on CBS. Negative here. The whole thing was just badly run. for three months three months and but if i would have argued with it it would have been like nine Anything. Benji Radek I think he thought it was stopped too soon. I'm not sure.

1:26:56 You know what I mean? make it happen. Are you bummed do you look at that shit and say, But right now, I have a contract Didn't say hi to me. And if I can get on the same page as somebody, we can be crazy. Yeah, dude. Yeah. We're here for you. All right. Just take a little bit less B12. Yeah. No one's going to get sick of you, mayhem. Don't worry about that, fella. We're here for you.

1:29:00 Man, you know what? I got used to it now I just started taking supplements, like, this year. Yeah, I didn't think that it was that important, There's a lot of anecdotal evidence from people that are taking it that are having pretty positive results. Well, that's an excellent antioxidant. Yeah, it's like I had a conversation be premium. Nobody wants to be feeling fantastic.

1:30:48 Yeah, it's like, dude, when your body works better, your brain feels better. I don't need. That shit is so important for you, man. But I had a conversation with a dude once where he was talking about, like, what's the point in exercising? power? I mean, wouldn't you want to have this superpower? I don't understand that. it's an awesome distraction.

1:32:33 I'm trying to choke him. I got to keep that underhook. I need to get my shit together and write this new material. You're telling me that mr. Cleans not on juice look at that guy he lost all his hair no jack Krzysztof is a fucking sculpted specimen of a man. Cool shit. And in martial arts in general, by breaking yourself down, they hardly ever experience that.

1:34:46 I don't want to be a bitch and And there's difficult, willpower-wise, But the other side of your brain is going, but your willpower allows you to survive. And then you get through it, and you're like, motherfucker me just tap right here. Fuck this. But it's so uncomfortable and so difficult to get through. But your willpower allows you to survive. And then you get through and you're like,

1:36:18 like boxing or jiu-jitsu, anything where it's a dude is trying to kill you. Those guys are just pedaling and pedaling. You know? you know i have you know because because as a fighter i have like you know some serious House application was the funniest thing I've ever done. Yeah. Someone's this is okay and making sure that's okay. Whether it's a martial artist or a fucking singer or a comedian no one looks at that as a viable path for uh you know a job you

1:39:12 And part of it is that the kids don't have any discipline, You know, but then you're trying to say, okay, let's take all the wacky kids and put them in a special class. You know what I'm saying? It's because one kid is imbalanced, But you're not going to take away that energy, that crazy energy that some people have. I started writing. So those were the two things.

1:41:12 I kind of knew that the whole time. I loved comic books. Really? Damn, you got some bad teachers. who was fighting in Taekwondo tournaments. I always Bro, I begged that kid. I'm going to try to fight you. Actually, and we were always you can't take me down You kept trying to kick him and stuff? And Marco Huas versus Paul Marlins. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:43:54 I beat Bubba's ass in the front yard. I had this break dancing mat that I had. fucking waking up in my backyard looking at the trees like quiet like and he's looking down at me you fucking idiot. He just, he beat me. He was on his When you get in a nightclub altercation Wearing leather shoes is just going out in handcuffs. You wear pro wrestling shoes?

1:46:42 He's an army for years, 20 years, stuff like that. with me kicked me in the fucking face i'm like what what do you mean he fell down he's like no Over the sink. It's not possible. and I would tell those stories to the Brazilians eagles came from north. and I was fucking fighting with him, and then he boy, 14, And, Like, he put me out. Was this an actual fight fight?

1:49:41 Yeah, exactly. God, you're homosexual. It stung. There's no even abuse in this story. You ever see the rubber band thing that makes them throw harder? But the thing is, they could do it all day. With a big juiced out arm, he could throw that shit super hard. Especially naturally. He didn't make it through ranger school. was it Super Raw or Icon? And then I got up and I was like, oh, it's good.

1:52:04 Egan Inouye, who's this badass jiu-jitsu black belt, bad motherfucker, yoked-ish fuck. Yeah, bike culture. No, no, no. No, no, no. there's all these kids meet after school, and they Brawl, here's a perfect example, okay? And I'm like, Oh, cool, bro. He stands up and the guy bumps into him. It doesn't help him at all. I was like, oh, my God, Hawaiian people are crazy.

1:54:38 No, but afterwards, the guy kicks his ass. Not necessarily. Yeah, dude, when you talk to BJ Penn, No one's saying that it's a bad place to live. Nobody shoots each other. And it's just the culture. Yep. It's weird. they break up Painful. No, it's not that big But when I went to, oh, I went to, what's the other one? But when I went to Honolulu, I was like,

1:57:11 It's the weirdest city ever. but it's not that polluted. Lanai is really small. They're all throwing down. It's just like, bro, I can't tell you what street to turn on. Oh, I see. Alaska is not as crazy It's not attached. Puerto Rico is like sort of America. how's that work comedian from Boston Too many fucking Puerto Ricans How's that going? And Ari's doing a show today

1:59:46 Just crash it. He's sleeping. Fleshlight, ladies and Oh, my God. That's the weirdest sponsor ever. This is not an interview, man. No, I haven't fucked anyone yet. It's just rubber. This one make my cock feel so yummy. But that was your job. I'm appalled at this podcast. Yeah, I'm MayhemMiller all across the board. When you see a girl that's still on MySpace, like, this is my MySpace.

2:01:59 There might be like, dude, I am the most popular person on MySpace right now. I'm going to go back, log into mine. Because back in the comedy store days, MySpace packed that fucking place all the time. I like people send me some shit and I send it back to them. I find out a lot of that stuff by people on Twitter. There's always so much cool shit on the internet, man.

2:03:31 I forget the dude's name. Letters to a Christian Nation. It was very short. The clip that he used online I think negative people, like negative energy has manifested itself in stress. And then your body breaks down. Like if you're in like a bad personal situation Someone's mad at you. You know what I do? When I was in Boulder, I got annoyed with a lot of hippies.

2:05:57 Sorry. Smithers, Mr. Smithers. Yes, yes, I got hippies. All right, so I was in Hawaii on the North Shore, and this dude's house I was going to, I went, bro, bro, bro. Yeah. Like, they're always – it's like hanging out with a crazy dude. It's like smelling the ass of a dog. What do dogs do when they see other dogs? Dig your ass in the room. Go wash your hands, son.

2:08:53 Goddamn outstanding. DVR that shit.