Joe Rogan Experience #330 — Eddie Huang Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! People searching W-O-N-G totally different yeah it's a different way of looking at the whole world yeah that's a mind But the funniest shit is like white boy Asian tattoos. Fucking good ass. I'm all about energy positivity and chi i'm all about putting out my consciousness to the universe the chinese tattoos Like Chinese is almost like refined hieroglyphics but it still makes no sense. the pharaohs and they depict them from you know this whatever dynasty the um you know the last

3:03 egyptian culture you know yeah no the The Egyptian culture, that's the cradle. which is 14,000 years old. And it's enormous. That's insane. It doesn't necessarily. Like at what point in time do you decide it's an early human? the history of the earth and that would be insane for us to like 30,000 years and that ain't shit in terms of the history of the earth.

6:22 a shitty apartment that you can't get out of once you get there that's where you're stuck you can't go outside because there's no oxygen you telling me but as it is and then she showed me a meteorite i was like okay i kind of got fucked up by the show and tell because the show And died slow of asphyxiation when the air slowly gets eaten up by you. Who fucks shit up?

8:08 It was all a greed thing. Somehow or another, they were making a fuckload of money doing that i don't remember what the scam was but people i believe But that's Mars. Fuck that. Lance Bass gives good foot massages. Oh really cool to hang out with to hang out with. Oh, you got a foot massage from Lance Bass? you know, this guy's starting to fucking grow on me.

9:51 I only watched it once and I was like, okay, what the fuck's going on here? Yeah. What if you could go and come back, but it was only a 90% chance of success? you already fucked up what level it doesn't even make any sense You might as well. If we don't blow each other up in a thousand years, just imagine what we've done in 200 years. Oh, 97. Like there's more diseases.

12:21 Now, I would rather go to the future than go backwards. Oh, hell yeah. Pull up in a tank, light these motherfuckers on fire with machine guns. He would make you eat your own calves. I love the Mongols. What is it about baby corn that's so much more exciting than regular corn? What are you going to do? to kill so you're free to go and then the three miles later they'd fucking run them down and and

16:15 so he was so mean yeah he was like would you want to show with a crossbow what's going on in north korea oh my god those north koreans syria syria oh man it's bad there's I don't know, man. It's fucked up. It's crazy. We would be in North Korea. It's just really to protect the business interests at hand. To judge art. And it was three hours. yeah it's like you can't just add people to historical movies that's crazy and plus if

19:56 And there was no George Bush. it was amazing it was a vehicle for showing what's possible cinematically with special effects in 19-whatever-the-fuck-it-was, 90-something. But I thought Avatar was even more creative with with the crazy plants that you can plug into. It's like he doesn't stray too far from the path when it comes to like a storyline but he provides you with the state of

21:44 fucking django and wreck-it-ralph wreck-it-ralph I mean, two best movies this year was fucking Django and Wreck-It Ralph. And it's an animated feature about all your favorite video game characters. Hey. Watch it with the chick that's the closest one to being your best chick in your stable. Who were we talking to recently that never heard of Grizzly Man?

22:56 But I'm also Chinese. dude listen you need to smoke a joint and watch this and laugh eaten by a bear laugh your dick Okay. Fargo is amazing. machine when you get used to people being bullshit artists that's when the salesman and his fucking Just a useless fuck clogging it up for everybody else But before that, I mean, hmm. is big man that werewolf is fucking big werewolf is like that's only like seven feet long show

25:38 Oh, okay. I think I have seen that. i thought tron was pretty cool too the new tron did you really you would recommend that i wouldn't It was so obvious it wasn't really Joel Santana's in. My grandfather's rolling over his grave. I told you these fucking kids today. Y'all don't know the dip set y'all don't know the dip set my grandfather's rolling I was gonna bring this up yesterday

27:36 a hundred bags okay this guy just had one okay this the other guy had it in his ass one guy just had 200 bags There's new white shit that's killing the block right now. That's clockwork. Wow. but they they detected a smell of marijuana. What an idiot. Maybe he didn't trust his roommates. Maybe I just stuffed this up my ass. Yeah, a finger on the end of a washcloth.

31:15 No, no, no. And you shoot like a fucking broken fire hydrant. and get a pinky. You're fucked up what's You're not allowed to smell it. It's probably a mess. No. And you eat ass, right? Chicks don't want to hear about that. something that came later to me in life. Because you went through the brian red Or are you kind of spoiled? Because in the regular world, girls will eventually get mad at you.

35:30 A girl who wants to eat your ass while you're fucking another girl. I mean if you're just trying to fuck. I think it's a theme park that you leave. It was craziness. that was the crazy thing it's like something was off you know but she wanted to fuck all the time to a dude it's like well half the the thing is we're supposed to be looking for as many

38:09 That's one thing. That's a problem. Yeah, because you have the hat on. He's down to fuck right now. But they have the I mean don't you think Like what is going on here i'm just glad they like this medium asian dick i'm not saying that there's anything wrong with They're great neighbors but man it's really interesting but i think here like california is probably as loose as it gets with how people like

41:25 you just guarantee that you could go and there'd be a bunch of horny chicks looking for dudes see in new york there are places like bob in the lower east side you go and there's always like a fat looking to fuck type girls, It was dope. I ended up There's a lot of them. It would be great. Too dangerous. Yep Yeah like we serve them on Christmas Yes.

43:53 How many have you fucked? Yeah. Oh. Well, I just think they're not as suppressed. What are you doing, fuckface? Yeah She was great Oh that's a cougar I've always gone younger. Huh? It's like, God damn, why? anderson yeah you don't want that one because that one's lazy and that ass is gone that's a And I don't know why they do it. people to know how small they are wow yeah they get nutty yeah especially like those competitive

48:15 People do that shit. Listen, man, I've researched It's great. breast reductions make no sense to me like you're just giving money away well i think for some girls i dated a girl who yeah she had before i met her she had had a breast That's it. I know somebody that has that disease. It's all just tit and body like sand. So how big so how big would you say her tits are like twice a normal tit uh i would

50:48 I'm tired of this bullshit. I mean, chicks don't know that you have a fucking three-foot baby arm. Just like a sinkhole. out just I just want to sit on it a little bit and trust me I, I know a couple of girls could probably put three foot dick inside of them. No, she would break. Those are so weird where the guy's still got his pants on. The art design and the set design is amazing you know it's very very creative the set design

53:05 watched the whole thing so what how do they do that they you just put her in the bus it was a We really want to challenge them. I cook chinese food so dose it i ate it all i gave like a little piece to my homie. I'm like, you got to take me to the hospital. I'm like jumping on your bed. we check in and doctor's like what's wrong it's like i think my my spirit left my physical body

56:23 it's four to five times more psychoactive than THC in the smokable form. Just trust me. just a teeny glass a glass of milk really scary high you can get you really scary Don't do edibles. Yeah, yeah. He's like, you did not die. They thought they died. you can definitely eat too much pot but then after it's over you feel fine it's not even like getting

59:31 It does. Not always. So that's a factor where when you smoke it, you don't have to deal with that. Yo, I got a really good serve i have a serve No. I'll hook you up. Is G-Pen a new type of vaporizer or something? Like on the road, G-Pen, the best. use the g-pin yeah i want one so bad yeah Yeah, they taste amazing. Yeah, the scientists out here that are concocting different ways to take your weed, they're doing it in pretty amazing ways.

1:02:04 Because you could cook tobacco Don't tell us. I know a guy who knows How many of them are cops? yeah i agree do you smoke pot with uh people that? Yeah. People who know you from the show? I've never been late. PCP. There's people that are just unavoidably fucked up. I was like, bitch, what are you talking about? are places where it's super illegal.

1:04:45 God damn it. I don't think they're going to. They should, but I don't think they will. We've done L.A., San Fran, Miami, New York, Taiwan. Do you speak any forms of Chinese? It's tough. I can read some things. Oh, okay, so the written Cantonese is the same. I'm pretty sure it's the same characters. Like, they say stuff. It's just bouncier. You can let it slide

1:06:57 They're like super bouncy that way Mm-hmm. But if you wrote it down, you both saw shoe. but I'm almost positive that it is. Wow. The whole idea of a billion people on a continent is a fucking trip, man. My friend Duncan actually had a funny thing that he said yesterday that some people believe that this is such an amazing time to be alive, have developed their own written scripts sometimes creating new characters for words that either do

1:09:27 And like I just went through a whole week. They told you that you can't leave? explain this so you go there and you're gonna go and do your own ted speech right yeah so you do the ted fellowship like because you went to la i was like you're in long beach i just went to la Because TED, I remember the first TED talk ayahuasca and his own problems with uh kicking cannabis he had like a crazy weed habit where

1:12:29 were entirely unnatural and inhuman that's so ridiculous too to think that a guy like you is You want me to stay till Saturday. wait a minute wait a minute they make you room with people wait a minute why how can they do His name was soft what and I stay with him, but I was like, I'm 30 They're crazy. It is part of the TED experience. And most people, it's like if you do something for me, I won't say anything about you.

1:15:25 to a network and talk to people and like talk to potential people who could collaborate and work The vehicle that got them there is the internet. noses yeah you you surely should have the right and ability to put your own website up and control Yeah. in a corner on the internet you know right but maybe if yes and no because if if you like say if you had a comedy

1:18:13 But I know what you're saying to protect the brand. to a lot of weird people. they're going to say, really and the thing is if you're confident you're loud you you can laugh at yourself they don't know well did they call you david cho no they they just mistake you for other fellows because so many of They could be like, Eddie is a shithead. It's not that they are the greatest minds on earth.

1:20:52 instruments they find people that are you know working nature things and and they have their He's Chinese. Yeah. you gotta see this shit it's like the beginnings of scientology. It is so true that once people have a position of power and influence and people want to be a part of them, people go corrupt. There's so many people looking to jump on board. You know, all the people that would have 100 years ago become Catholics, now they're like, man, these popes just won't stop fucking kids.

1:22:42 This is the first time it's gotten so hot that the Pope's like, I'm out of here. raw dogging at ted legal no ass fucking while you're here oh man while you're a ted fellow have to give him a standing ovation like you know it's nice if you want to but he doesn't actually That's a mind fuck. You got to want to be so down so bad to do that, to go through an application process and then fucking pay.

1:24:36 Yeah. 2,000 people paying $8,000 is how much? It's got to be more. Is it $16 million? Do you have a calculator built into nobody got paid wow yep we are suckers dude we're suckers and they're always telling you like you're gonna a i got a meeting you know la meetings i gotta go to nbc shit bullshit bullshit dude my bad what Really? Yeah. face i wonder if he can do it what can they do with cgi think about what they did what's his

1:28:12 Charlie Chan was like this wise, old school detective. When did they start? off the boat it is available on audible.com you can go to audible.com forward slash joe and you can get that book for This is going to be very fascinating, but it's going to be late. Him being a distinguished gentleman of science, mr greer wants to hear him being a Get it together.