Joe Rogan Experience #338 — Shane Smith Transcript

Transcript

0:00 This Thursday night in San Diego, California. A very, very funny comic, too. It's Ari Shaffir, Ian Edwards, and me, and it's going to be at 10 o'clock. I would just like to say whatever powders. and you are here, sir. always walking around like ah something elbow your knees fucked up your ankle jacked you should have which sounds like a lot, No, I fucked up my back,

2:49 Fuck you, rub maps. And then the other day his arm failed on him. And about three years ago, I, in the exact same place, went over, came up, like rubbed my face off, like on the bottom, and my neck hurt. dude going yeah I can't really move it but i have a huge hernia we could just this could just be uh uh talking about all of our ill i have Whoa. because I was like,

5:08 Nightmares are made of jokes. You that but these things these things would make me not want to fucking go anywhere else ever again there's not a fucking I can't see it. and have a glass of water Are you allowed to beat off while they're doing this? Large? Oh my God. You know you've eaten food cooked on the side of the road in the strangest parts of the world.

7:04 Let's not blow each other. I remember somebody said to me the first time I went to Afghanistan, And maybe they didn't boil it. Who knows what it is. And you're just like, I can't say yes to anything. that smell of jasmine. Just holes in the ground, right? And just a bucket of blue water. Yeah. But then you worry about losing your watch. That's a very good point.

10:44 And apparently it happened No. like a hundred thousand people live there. oh jesus christ just fall through the earth yeah yeah what the fuck yeah and it's weird how weird Look at that. because you can't hear it land. We threw like some, I don't know, metal rods or whatever. Why does that happen? beside rivers and those rivers used to be At least you can see the bottom of that one. All those people standing over there. What the fuck, man? There's a big one there, yeah. Jesus Christ. At least you can see the bottom of that one.

13:39 There's spots where that never happens. It's just a big hole in it. A good move if you can afford it. Your plumbing is spraying water into the street and it powers out for a month. Because the extent of our history of like what we really know about what's taking place on the earth. like fresh water, there's nobody on them, It's just, it's like hedging your bets, right?

16:18 can grow like big vegetable plants you can get a lot of vegetables just from your garden well we the image is and yeah in a current saying what should i search for and uh rats what is the uh the folks that are not privileged? It was like lineups to get gas. And then you're like, and you can't get out you're prepping for, So that when the shit hits the fan, people want to show you where their basement is with

18:44 no it's really getting dark man we're it's not even getting dark, man. everybody else who's trying to fuck them up. to be around each other, legacy and and you know and conquer and all that nonsense but at the end of the day you you must So we're hardwired to procreate, and then protect the progeny. into our spinal fucking column. that guaranteed security theoretically

21:30 like for whatever reason, and settle everybody the fuck down, It's just overcoming the amount of momentum that's behind it as far as tradition and government and if you had less money, by finagling your way through Wall Street Well, you're Bernie Madoff. and communities sticking together we can do some really, really bad shit. are being sort of perpetrated all the time now.

25:28 And they're like, you know, we went in and inoculated. Well, I mean, it's fiction within the movie. then how can we win against that? Okay, well, you're beating me with fists, and I'll use a bottle. and a lot of times those situations where you make an enemy for life could have been avoided that was totally avoidable, You're just making noise with your mouth and practicing being a person.

27:53 and a guy sucked out a guy's eyeball Oh, God. In a football match. That goes back to the village mentality, too, There's a whole UK toughness. fucking Roberto Durant. Fuck yeah. He went from the first fight that that Duran was an animal. It's more of a range finder. Andrew Gulotta. where they had went savage i mean he literally was a wild man i mean he became eventually like a brilliant boxer as he developed as a man

30:38 Even to this day, the standard of that fight contested. Yeah, real high But he looked terrible. He just didn't look and then he quit and then after he quit man He's like, no mas, no mas. I watched him fight. and he thumbed him in the eye more importantly he swole up one of his eyes and he couldn't see Fascinating. And he'd keep his left way out there like this because this was what was coming. all of it was coming he could knock you out with anything he had like hams for fists that guy he was an incredible specimen but he went into four years

33:47 You know what I mean? Then you saw, holy shit, what have I done here? who's freakishly strong like that. He's one of the hardest punchers if he hits you you're fucked and everybody's just Him in his prime when he was still up in Vermont and, you know, custom auto. if there's one person that would be the most terrifying person to be encountered with it would be Mike Tyson that has it's ever lived

36:34 It was like an assassination. But he'd been trained. he's the greatest raw talent I've ever seen. it's just the coward falls into the pressure where the hero figures out how to manage it and overcome it and actually rises to the occasion and keeps it together. It's one of the greatest stories in sports history. He goes on and he tells these wild stories about his life.

39:14 there's a bunch of sad endings there's your happy ending you're happy you get to retire undefeated I'd like to retire undefeated. What was it like hunting in Japan? They're mutated. I'm from the Ukraine and there's all these horses out there But yeah, we went to hunt them. Yeah, but you might have zombie parasites now. they have massive protests in Japan saying you have to stop nuclear energy.

42:17 in the food. and these enormous fish. saying that the animals, and he's an author and he writes about shit like that, like a fucking island of mutated animals that are 650 pounds, well, It was Bruce Banner It was always, or fucking renal cancer or something. We're like, encounter with massive amounts of radiation, But it's not going to be fun. Everything is just, I mean, the ozone is gone.

45:45 we have the distinct possibility that our ozone is gone or that one of these that would be what the time to move To get in between India and Pakistan. One person believes one pile of wacky bullshit. disappear. I think you're out here It's pretty interesting, I've got to say. That's Utah, though. the old sam why you hating bitch the elders get like you know 20 30 40 wives but then by

48:01 What's happening is they kick the men, the boys out. You're not loving your brothers and sisters. Why so sad, Billy? I don't know. Is it just a way the body is designed? But my question has always been, why are people still so easily led? That's a good question. work hard and do what i say then you're going to go someplace better because now it's a bitch now

50:26 We're not telling anybody what to do. I'm finally getting your light. No leadership. There's You just start podcasting. And it's real simple. Jamie, why don't you, or yeah, one of you gentlemen that's not working. much i think uh i i really do think all bullshit aside that your shit that you guys are doing on on vice.com it's amazing has as much of an impact on where this culture is going and the potential

52:46 But that kind of a connection. And it's always by 100% of the time, it's your, you know, And look, they're and it makes me say, you know, I don't mind. I got And you're doing it and I'm doing it. And I also believe that it's also a matter of projecting a certain way of living that you project. and it's it's not on c, and it's not on NBC, what just went down in North Korea,

56:17 exposed North Korea the way that you guys did. Yeah, I was going to bring that one. And it's hard to do that. this guy's a cool motherfucker and i i think that was before i even saw hein mo's uh adventure I watch that Heinmo's Great Adventure, do you know what it is, Brian? Like we're shooting. Don't touch me. And that's it. You were just real easy with these people.

59:34 that I took the wrong stance I want everyone to know that if you really feel like you are supposed to be a woman and you're a man, I will still be friends with you. if I decided to chop to having this big hammer fist to punch a girl in the face with that's fucked up But, you know, yeah. And a sport which I understand. There's not a little difference.

1:02:09 There's a different thing. Yes, anything can happen especially Sure, sure. I just remember seeing a video of these big sort of Aussie rugby player types. Oh, that's hilarious. If you want to fight, you should be fighting, man. Knuckle up, son. You take away your nutty score thing with one, oh, you got a point. someone your size, stop being a pussy.

1:05:16 You need to leave that ball alone. that fucked with you when you were in the 7th grade. they harsh my buzz too man because the the guys that are that get it out in the gym they don't And if it's not, they're probably a bitch. He'll fight you on a plane. not because he was the most technical or won the most titles, Like drowning in the ocean or getting hit in the head by a meteor.

1:07:52 and you'd have a real problem on your hands. But what I can tell you of what I know about Randy, I've been around that guy for – I saw his first fight in the UFC. He is one of the friendliest people that they would be in a fist fight with Randy Couture. It wasn't even in a bar. Yeah, it was like 2 o'clock He broke his hand on his face. And you saw it.

1:10:25 If you think about it, because Tyson was in his prime. made it through that motherfucker on the planet because who the fuck That era, that Marvis Frazier era. We're old as fuck. Because I typed in Hyman Vice and that's not that nice. And then David Cho's search for the dinosaur. until they found, I don't know if you heard about this, But they'd wrap their feet in like birch bark and moss and shit.

1:13:12 You mean the people that showed up had iPods, not the family. They did not know about World War II, correct? They did not know about World War II, correct. So this is an interesting story. It's a woman. You're complaining there's a 70-year-old crazy bitch on a donkey, with that crazy bitch? I bet she has a the weird shit that happened amongst those five, six people?

1:15:19 It might be awesome. Why not be a woodchuck? What? No, but what I was going to say to you is, and this is a serious question, right? We were talking about this before the podcast even started, Oh, okay. If you have to make a choice between I can eat my favorite shit or I can drink booze and have the added sort of crank that gives everything sitting down with your kids and having a laugh and having a meal. I think that whole process is very important.

1:18:46 You know? It comes out. from this idea that anything makes any sense whatsoever. tape and read his books and he's got a lot of interesting ways of looking at things that i But there might be that phone call where you call each other on a Wednesday problem because I'll tell you what, I grew up poor. I grew up, they're poor. I left And they bring out these potato pancakes with sour cream and caviar and vodka and all this shit.

1:22:12 crazy and i i literally had one of the best nights of my life i was like living in a in a in a book So I go and I buy the caviar, right, in the store. What the fuck? When you have your linguine with clams with a nice fucking crisp fucking white wine, do you have a meal with your family? carrier with Fanta, I shouldn't say apeshit. were saying like, you know, if you have a bad back, you shouldn't eat the pasta.

1:24:38 I mean, I like to eat both. that's the one that really made a big difference. Like I think alcohol has played a good part in a lot of, even whatever, marijuana is more important. And so I always have this, And I'm just, Three and one and a half. Okay, we got a big lesbian super slumber party going on. He goes to talk to his buddies, drinking the wine.

1:27:09 And I sit there and I say, you know, now I'm looking at this shit. because I always thought to myself, But I will say this. Ever. And generally, I don't smoke a lot. I'm not afraid of shit. Are you afraid of meteors? Listen, you're a happy guy. I'd do anything because I'm going to die. Who the fuck cares? Why did you think you were going to die I thought I was going to die, so I didn't give a fuck. I'd do anything because I'm going to die.

1:29:38 What's the worst thing anybody you knew did? That's like blowing farts on people. And the thing is, even in shitty sort of nice Canada, and i'm gonna do all this shit whatever is because i didn't fucking die yeah but at a certain point you sit there and you say look you can actually say, look, All right. I don't know how many taekwondo fights, but there was a lot of them.

1:32:01 So what I'm trying to say is you want to get to more of an understanding, But if you go back to it, what do I want to do? everyone's trying to get through the day to get to their goddamn cove. What happened? and I got to say it's the best country in the world. But it's fucking fantastic. we are today in this country, despite the America and democracy

1:34:57 The political system will not change unless motherfuckers like us and everybody listening to this fucking podcast do something about it and that's what america is you're right 100 but more importantly the people who are in the president of the maldives it was a 35 yearyear dictatorship there. He got elected against all odds country anymore. And then they

1:37:01 Right. This is the country, the first country fuck, I don't want to fucking have all this garbage People are inherently fucking nice. I lost the train of my thought because you guys are doing I really apologize. It's an old building. Just scared of roaches. You are. their fucking job and they're not doing it well as you it's really interesting you just brought

1:40:08 I'm sorry. Very difficult. They have this weapon where they can, it's called a SMA-ME, and what happens that no one really sort of figured out exactly. I'm just telling them no more weed. This is really devolving. At the end of the day, here's what matters. and what we're talking about, here and say, okay, those thermobaric weapons, because I saw what happened in Fallujah.

1:43:21 now I've realized it, Unless you have people who are going to be here's what I they should have they should have made that guy feel like he was going insane because he longed for the human touch and he knew that he was being punished for releasing information. there's no benefit in behaving the way they're behaving. and they're going to take over, and they're going to lock them up,

1:45:47 I did not have a fucking clue. and by the way everybody who had half a brain knew that fucking the secular state of the bath Afghanistan what did you say? well, they're not human beings anymore. these fucking kids they're never going to be you better fucking be cognizant of the fact And my point is our job is to say, guess what? And it was an intense, intense, intense conversation.

1:50:08 for the health and the welfare of the whole. I don't think anyone in the world Should be guiding the rest of the heroes. And guess what? are not the people that ever have to go fight those fucking wars. we should all collectively get together and say, the people who are making that decision II, World War I, Now, are there bad people there? They need all hugs.

1:53:44 so i know and the people that were in prison because they didn't cry long enough after your dad died. But they all need to have a certain amount of reality in their own head, Like, in these countries where Gaddafi was never going to fucking leave. I think that that change is coming to Asia. There's going to be an implosion in Europe if you look at right now what's happening in Congress,

1:57:03 Somebody needs to force them to say, hey, yo. I'm resetting Friday. it's an orgy that's saw it on Craigslist. Well, they need to fucking get over that shit. I got cum on. pissing and the coming happened what but Because they're all fucking all the time. That are going on. come straight up to you and in fact i don't know what you're saying though what if you say

2:00:14 And by the way, Hold on. does it sound like there's like you can get down there There's so many Say it Oh my god So you're down there is they do this thing where they're having sexual talks Before we came along and stole all the tilapia, Yeah, and that's the interesting thing about it. Their cerebral cortex is 40% larger than a human being. Yeah, of course.

2:02:52 That's ridiculous. What are you doing? on and you just fucking swim naked Where are you going to do this? San Diego. Hold on. Listen to me. It is a totally normal backyard pool. I have some proclivities to play cards. When you go out when they're wild motherfuckers in the pods, The sharks will fuck you up. The same as sharks do. The sailors always say, you know, the fucking...

2:05:48 They're not stupid. Dolphins are the agents of the sea. he's a bit weirded out by dolphins Yeah, what about all that? I haven't ate yet today. I'm ready to kill a buffalo, bitch. What? Brian, what's the word? I love eating food. Maybe it was Anthony Bourdain, but somebody he talking about a porterhouse? Because the It's got the fillet and the strip.

2:09:07 I'm glad it's mutual. I love his shows. He takes some sort of, Because he's got too much cholesterol? You either take this drug. Well, pork is the best. the fuck out of it not jerk everyone always talks about jerk chicken it's fucking barbecue chicken Yard birds are the most delicious motherfuckers you'll ever have in your fucking life. and the other inclination is to be

2:12:07 Where's the gravity coming from? and get your own water from a hole in the ground. you have children, so you're in both spots. Yeah. Because you're in a guy, you live in Manhattan, you have children, when you actually have something, However, that people are seeing. because I believe New York City is the greatest city in the world. I'm not from New York City.

2:14:12 but today New York is the global capital. New York will give you everything. But where are we going? the sort of roman bacchanalian craziness that is new york today is going to be around that much It lasts three hours. It's the best. Oh, iced tea. Just keep the camera off my man as he meditates into a a trance a a trans i say that for all you white people who don't understand how brazilian people pronounce things

2:18:11 and we'll pay 10 or 100 grand or whatever. One of the things he said is that you live this life, if anybody understands the path of man in its truest form without hyperbole, on the greatest fighters. a double wrist lock. and I hung out with the Gracies Yeah, they can get out of the favelas. that you must do it correctly. When I read that, I was like,

2:22:27 That's an insane amount of weight. Are you a black guy or a white rapper? And he was doing this. And he hooked up with this guy, one of the Gracies, Yeah, he's Gracie. He competes in MMA at 185. That's the problem, goddamn it. anyway but I gotta say this When I heard it was a million bucks, but I think it was actually more like a hundred grand. See, I'm going to get.

2:25:33 He's a real good looking guy And Matt Ruskin, if you could tweet me his name. No Wikipedia entries whatsoever. I'm sure Matt Ruskin has probably got a good gator roll, First of all, no bullshit. I understand. It's like the overwhelming input of the moment is too much. That's what it is. By the way, Matt Ruskin's a fucking awesome dude. All right. He knows how much you love him.

2:28:48 Keep going. And I did some work with Vice before Fightland. Daniel Gracie is a very, very, very talented Brazilian jiu-jitsu fighter, I believe, this is what I believe. it doesn't matter. I mean, Marcelo Garcia is the top of the pyramid when it comes to Brazilian jiu-Jitsu in the world today in 2013 or Gracie. More than 10? Like Kyra Gracie. where they used the word

2:31:58 he took us to the These guys train like motherfuckers. And we had to go ask the boss if we could come in there and film. I mean, you got a picture of the look. was just looking around like holy You have a very good story The end Listen, bro. I love you. What's that? the sort of the spread of their name as far as possible. that shits like q-tips or As does the NFL. They

2:36:30 In what way? that paper, son. conversation Shane Smith calls you it's don... Where do you live, sir? Don't tell me. No. What'd he say? You understand this, correct? So let's think this shit through. Henzo, do you support this Daniel character? imperial so rude. Tell Matt you love him. I love you, Matt. I'm so sad that is so rude Tell Matt you love him

2:39:12 Say Matt Because that's my nature Sir, I'd be honored if you would do my podcast. Matt? I love the fuck out of you, Let's move on. Did you cook on a yet? Joe, tomorrow you're going to look at that video and you're going to be like. and Hodger I believe What are you laughing at? I'm pissed off. That's Jill who does the calendar for DeathSquad.TV. That's like pooping and pissing,

2:42:20 there's a noises come. Can I say one thing? He's taking tapestries The fact that I don't have those shoes. That's the last thing you want to do. But if the Death Star... he does because I see them on Twitter how long have we been working together for 10 years Oh, no. It's got both logos. By the way, I want them, but I want them more plushy. No doubt about it. Made out of sort of...

2:44:17 You can't put any pressure on him. If you really felt Well, you'd win. I con giving. It's not about winning. Your shoes are amazing. I understand what you're saying Death squad That's an old Twinkie, Joe. that will survive the apocalypse. I'm going to be looking good. as you make the connection to the bus on your way to work. How? of all of the human beings existing

2:47:36 The voice of the MMA. Are you secretly a TMZ employee? Yeah. Between Fear Factor and your UFC shit and all your other shit, hand it to you, my friend. I fucking I'm like, this guy's basically full of shit. You don't have to fucking sit here and deal with shitheads like me but i will tell you that's I bought the mics. but I have to tell you that in this particular situation,

2:50:29 What I'm saying is that I don't have anything to do with it. Brandon gave us that picture. come on now. I'm not interested. Shut up. This is alcohol. Powerful. I got to tell you. I'm going to tell you this. My favorite thing to do, my favorite press ever. people i give a shit about and that's why i'm here i love you fucking guys and by the way if And you can tell me to fuck off if you want.

2:54:06 is what any cool person tries to do because they don't know about it. But the information and you're you're at the front of the line let me tell you you're in the front line Shut up. You have sent people to Alaska. If I could finish with this one last thought. All right. Teen people. Joey Coco Diaz. Duncan Let people know. Just stop fronting.