Joe Rogan Experience #341 — Ben Hoffman Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. Dude, here's what I loved about that. Schtick is the word I'm looking for. You're stuck here for two hours. No underwear. but it was just weird to see him he was almost like out of character yes he was like seeing him You blew my mind. We hung out with him for fucking hours, right? it back did a little conversation about porsche mind and talked about porsche joe your shirt is so bad can

3:35 it up, it plays the theme song, and it has two DVDs in there. When you press a button, Some of the... And I said to my wife, I'm like, Show your passion for the series Girls Is it good Entourage with sex thing for me i don't know what it was i tried i gave it a shot but i would watch entourage and i You're acting like you didn't rewind it Who live together and fuck the shit out of

6:32 You heard the part about loads on chest? you know on comedy central you rarely see loads do you think it would screw you up if you're a That is pretty rare. Really? I guess you're right. That's what it's there for, right? whole face they don't want it on the nose they don't want it rolling down into your eyes you I was saying before, I need to learn more about eyebrows and pubic hair.

9:29 That's pretty badass. That is a really clever use of marketing. I would have heard about that. and then he got uh life and he's getting life in prison but and what he did is he took off his know just just caused you know all the families to burst out in tears and all I don't like talking about this kind of shit. That's what everyone's talking about. Why are you blaming that on porn though? No, I'm just saying this is what's hitting the news if you heard about it yet that's fucking that's why everyone's blaming that on porn though no i'm

12:21 for every show every day if you wanted to. That's true. You don't, and you just smash his diseased brain and then you move on but we live in this pussified world Because there's no reason for them to be around. reason when someone's a horrible piece of shit like that want to show that we're humane and show And then the other problem is who's to say whether or not a person is guilty?

15:13 Somebody probably knew he was fucked up a long time ago. Turns out – actually, I'm not even going to say the next part. No, cameras running in his house the whole, You can get it on Amazon. Yes. He's off. Wow. And you get to the point where you just... But that's the thing that throws you out of this documentary is his family seems like all great people.

17:45 Yeah, maybe he had a good reason. I don't know. to kick her down the flight of stairs. Yeah, I mean, Remember those? Do you ever see those, Brian? When did this air? one of them was this guy whose wife just kept dying he's fucking people man it's like they both both lawyers so then you're like who the fuck is right because both of the lawyers are so fucking annoying

19:33 You know, what if there was, like, some contamination of evidence or what have you, and that fucking kid got free? with our society that lack of community that we talked about that's that's a big problem man when They don't have loved ones. you'll be terrified you'll be miserable you can live where Tom Cruise. popped a long time ago. What? It's pretty badass.

23:13 Well, they'll get it tomorrow morning, though. We've aired three and there's five more and it's, I'd be shooting this. Sure. and assholes, because in our own shitty diapers Perfect. What was the line? Great. And every fucking, you know, people want to work. Yeah. going to read this. And every fucking – people want to work. So they parted their dicks off already.

26:56 people out there that are auditioning for parts that could do it easily like that's why i love And some people do it better than famous people, Growing up, I always tell my friends, were you the funniest kid growing up? Really? He's crazy. It was like some newspaper or something like that. I go back and talk to him whenever I'm in Boston. and most of what the insurance

29:20 suing and they say, oh, my back We would get there at like 4 o'clock in the morning when it was dark out, park the car and sit and wait for this guy to go to work because we had to follow the guy to go to work. And I stopped competing as well. crazy at all. We had this lady and one of the ways he would get information was he would find someone's address and you know like he would know

31:45 for the witness but someone spilled some coffee on it so it's either one of these four numbers And, you know, I would have never trusted me at 21 years old. well you know what honey i've been through that exact same injury. And I'm just sitting there shaking my head. shitty thing to do yeah fuck that. She's such a nice lady. Like we would find out things about like people that work there.

33:55 I never saw you with Mike. Yeah. But I heard he was working for his brother. That sounds like a fun, I know, I know it probably wasn't at the time because no jobs And when I knew he was working, like the certain manager, I'd be psyched to go to work because it was going to be fun. It had to be up at 4 o'clock in the morning because you have to catch people before they leave.

35:17 Oh, that was one really fucked up one. She's wrapping her legs around him. He goes, I just want to know that this has happened more than once. But this is – i'm done here He put her up in this beautiful place. I wonder if that's a weird fetish that he wanted the guy to keep filming it. I'm not giving you jerk-off material. He's awesome. I know it. It's not bad about him at all.

38:46 I didn't really talk to him. That's a good thing. Yeah, so I go – I didn't want to say anything, but you listening to Stern in my headphones. That's hilarious. What are the odds? Yeah, so I go, you know, I didn't want to and then when people associate you with Yeah. Powerful UK. Well, how rude of them. I love it there. And I haven't been to this place in like more than a year.

41:58 Ralphie May lives there now, doesn't he? I see. And I don't know. That's not difficult to get. Usually I stay with family, but it was a family member's wedding, so there was no place for me to stay. It was like old school Hank Williams. could be a classic it is that well it's weird you say that because i was at the capital records I think he's doing Vegas now.

43:54 If you got a buzz on and that song comes on and you don't get happy, you're a cunt. When I see those plaques on the wall at Capitol Records, A little flavor saver under the lower lip, Was that his last album? Okay Every joke was like a Chris Gaines joke And my hair, it's all thick and heavy, even though you know I'm going bald. It's Chris Gaines is moody as fuck.

46:09 Who do we become when we're together? super crazy when they get super famous i wonder if he did that but just did it out of the spotlight Oh my goodness. What am I saying, son? No. Whoa, drinks on him? Just because I realize now I shouldn't have my Twitter name be the name of the show. You could change it. Twitter will give it to you. You don't need a season two.

49:03 Is it bad that an hour in he asked my name? Huh? No, is this guy really ben hoffman is that his real name i know he I know. I'm not sure how famous I am. You're just trolling people. Did you think you actually had a – like you could do something no i knew i was talking shit i was He has JoeRogan.com? He wanted to sell it to me, but he wanted just some fucking ridiculous amount of money.

51:09 Whoever sent him rude shit, please stop. I'm with you, but saying that large amount is, to me, annoying. but i guess what he's saying is i don't want to give it up yeah Yeah. Coca-Cola.com? Yeah, but why wouldn't you like put them out one that's valuable. I have a bunch. I have – Coca-Cola.com? did was a thing called pepsi spice do you remember pepsi spice no pepsi spice was some fucking bizarre idea that someone at pepsi came out with where it's like it was like a holiday

52:56 but with Pepsi Spice. What year was Super Size Me? I got interviewed for radio stations. Lindsay says hi. And then I ended up just dying. Really? I saw some fuckery in that show. replacement therapy and he used my uh well he tried to use a doctor that i know and the doctor Yeah, but I'm sure there's doctors that would do it. willing to fit within their production schedule.

56:30 they don't look at your test levels and say oh your levels are low uh you're 35 years old what's You would never do that. He doesn't know how to balance that I just remember watching the movie like, eat at every meal every day for 30 days. criticism of that online of the that movie yeah oh i'm sure yeah supersized me is not the scathing But you don't want to do it through bullshit.

58:53 stuck in traffic and not being able to get home for two hours so you pull into in and out burger except this Game of Thrones box. Did your Ben Show box show up yet? Has anyone ever done that from the time they were like a young man to today? Yeah, where you would have a Mountain Dew can that when you were a kid you would just throw it in. As long as it doesn't get on Stitcher.

1:00:43 What did she say to you? You're scared? Loads shirt? Who cares? company it's mostly um monkeys and psychedelics that's the whole thing i love it it's called Again, I don't like to kiss ass, but I saw that interview because I was listening to that one. Well, I'm not – I'm not an insensitive person you know You're not supposed to say tranny, but I was impressed that you said transgender, and all you said was that they shouldn't be – this woman – you even called her a woman – shouldn't be allowed to fight – or this – no, you called her a woman.

1:03:45 or people listening, some of you haven't heard that. There's mechanical advantages to being a Okay, that is who she is. That's it. and using his size. I don't know what it is, if they've even figured it out yet. what what trigger yeah what what is that he's a man i think that's a safe word i don't even know She is a fucking legit certified badass. a man moves. I'm watching the way she's beating up on these people.

1:07:19 There's a real problem in the transgender community and in the super progressive community that supports transgenders, they don't believe you should even have to disclose that you used to be a transgender when you're dating. you know because you're white yeah exactly but suck a cock just so you could say yeah i should But like every transgender who I've met through my brother, totally cool.

1:08:30 They're transgender supportive people. That's you because you went out of your way to just say this specific person. I think this is a relatively new issue first of all. Right. Almost universally. to them without insults you get more back asshole shithead dickwad just over and over and over again that and fuck you and whoa like we're just talking about a guy who gets an operation and now is allowed to beat the fuck

1:13:01 And she also had a dick that looked like a poisoned monkey cock. Yeah, and they had a lot of ideas about what it should and shouldn't be. We had a show called Make Me Hard, If you were stuck on a deserted island with her, you wouldn't even care that much as long as she kept her pants on. And, of course, then the light starts flashing like crazy. Sucking whipped cream off her tits like seconds ago.

1:15:23 You're not his buddy. I try to get him laid through the app. Isn't that crazy to think? me trying to get my buddy laid. I think one of the things that we've learned show which is people always ask me like how'd you get this show on there it's crazy you got this note at one point this is unairable and it was it was it was not like it was not for air it's just

1:18:13 anything. He's like, do your thing. He gives me notes I'm really in a, Someone has to get you, think you're talented, know and people don't like it they are insulting you as a person right it's like when if they insult my show they're insulting me right like my my actual dad's It's like, wait a second. There's music that I love that I've talked about on the podcast, and I'll get people fucking hate tweeting me.

1:20:50 And they want to just – so they're fans insulting one particular – Like, you know, I got to stop reading this shit, I think. The new Oz, yeah. Like that tweet calmed me down for about 30 to 35 seconds. The audience, yeah. You know, we do that in stand-up and we do that on a podcast. You're not thinking about like, well, this reached the artistic – it's just like fucking be funny.

1:23:11 People trying to be cool Chris Rock is cool. What are certain people that are just cool and it just is who they are. He's a cool guy, but he knows how to bring – I'm not saying you can't be cool. There's that thing, too, I was watching Jim Carrey on this interview the other day He called you? But it would be cool if people tuned in right now. But now I take it personally.

1:25:13 that's what hurts me yeah if i if i did something where i knew it was lazy or i did something where I know what I enjoy doing. because they were probably true. So I was, you know, I've been in front of those non-laughing audiences. start out there's a long process from the time you first start out to the time when you're like Right. take on something going to the movies or this or that and i think you don't need to only do it live

1:28:08 so i went and saw stand-up saturday like i forgot how fun it is to watch like funny stand-up it's It's just a matter of time. So I don't want people to think like I'm a bitch in a moment. you're editing it, and boom, throwing it out there, and then you get favorite show with your dumb shit. There's a better selection of shows to watch now, though, than I think I've ever been before.

1:30:16 What is it called, Nathan? That's a good idea. So it's kind of this new night of comedy for Comedy Central with two unknown guys. a reality show and Didn't you tweet that? Oh, okay. Yeah, that's what I was saying about the new regime. The argument was it's too mean or too vulgar let's make it make me stiff and i go are That was the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life.

1:32:55 A bunch of weasels who were worried about losing their jobs, so they started scrambling So we're going to polish it up So we had the man show That song had been airing for 30 years on the radio. It's never been... There's a weird clamp down in this world today. Trust me. I remember going, dude, that are possible websites in the world. X Hamster was like number three or something and like Google was below.

1:36:21 But even let's say it is a third. That's just you. No, I think because I'm open about it, I'm probably not as dark as most people. I think a third is probably – or 30 percent. yeah i've seen some crazy shit on uh uh most of which uh of which I'd rather not talk about because it led to masturbation. But the idea is that when they're at work or when they're interacting with people

1:38:45 just watching porn to find the best titles. because she was um she was a uh a woman studies uh student i believe at a usc and she was uh famous by engaging in 251 Hearing a barbershop quartet singing is pretty great. It looks like. I would watch that right now. Yeah, man. the beginning of everything really yeah what's it called it's called i believe it's called tonight's

1:41:35 I like good cinematography, so I'll check it out. But then if you think about that, they're actually getting paid to have sex. yeah and it was weird like listening to her Yeah. Oh, man. through legitimate sources. So she's just like, yeah, I'll fuck you for whatever. You just web chatted? My dad even said as much and she was a prostitute. Jim Norton?

1:44:15 Oh, you're one of those guys. Do you like Coke? I mean what about – I would flip out. Did she go through a lot of therapy after the gangbang? My friend Dave, I told you, crashed his car and never had a drink again. But if you went down on her and tasted a little extra salty, would you worry that it's just some load creeping out of the gangbang that had been camping up there for a while?

1:46:10 I don't know. That was someone, oh, daddy, and hugging onto you, and now she's getting plugged in the ass and the mouth, and she's gagging. And when you have babies of your own, it totally fucks with your vision of it. being a baby anymore is a different girl because it's hard to do. Like it's hard for guys to get it up in front of strangers and cameras like and

1:47:53 But he said he could do porn. Because the only dicks you see are on porn, and those are guys who are professional. I'm trying to get out my tape. So don't compare yourself to that. You've really been listening, man. But how many have you recorded? We're getting the bleeps, but you can watch them all. You know, they did their movie. So you can only air the new South Parks after 10. But they said they don't give a, you know, they say shit and fuck and stuff. So you can only air the new South Park's after 10.

1:50:33 That doesn't bother me as much anymore. No. I still haven't fucking installed it yet because I'm so goddamn busy. Ha! Yeah. Fuck yes. This is exciting. and it's called i'm on crack and it's just like that and Let's just play it. a million people are going to listen to it. we're helping people, If everybody left it right, break it down. But the video is really fascinating.

1:53:57 Well, the video is hilarious. Yeah. How do I not know about this? Yeah, who are these people? Well, I've seen the ones with the 100 million views. You're like, what the fuck? How do I not know about this? It's in the billion. Yeah. No, America, 300 million. Yes. At least it's not... It's 500,000 assholes who've watched it repeatedly ad nauseum. It tracks the IP address.

1:56:00 They're a step ahead of you. They must have had to do that though for advertising purposes because they sell advertisement now. I just – I'm not really a talker. I was done in an hour what do you do at home like when you get when you get home But what was the question? So it's working, I guess. a thousand people's hands easily. ah fuck it let's go eat you know why i mean literally i've been to i was talking about this

1:59:02 I would go get gas and I would be going out to get my meet my friends No. He talks about it, though. That's huge. You're helping people by doing that. to talk about it. I think that's super important. Oh, that's the thing is I was never shy about it. But I – That's huge. And I'm like – I read about it and I'm like, shit, I have this times 100. I've seen people do that.

2:00:47 And he goes, well, I like a cigarette right before I do a show. So then he put his cigarette out and he quit. You know what? again, I don't know Howie Mandel, That's a whole other subject. Is that true? Yeah. Yeah, I ate can digest that horse meat without a problem. I very rarely get stomach aches. Is that true? Meatballs. Yeah, and they had horse meat in them.

2:02:34 Yeah, I'm from Kentucky where they take their horses very seriously. I mean the Mongols ate their horses. Wasn't that over there? There had to be more Amish. people there that would like i mean if you told them that you were going to serve people some And I feel like at the end of the day, the justification of eating animals is pretty sketchy at best anyway.

2:05:00 probably well there's that i'm sure but there there's also – there's certain needs that we have and one of them is the function that cholesterol has in brain function. You can get – you can balance it out if you're really diligent. Because of heart issues. I don't think so. He's an advocate of the – What's the diet where you can – it all has to be stuff that you use your hands to eat.

2:07:31 I didn't say he wasn't an idiot. Well, no. It's not about utensils is what was wrong with what you said. and stick him in a movie theater, That's screaming, yeah. I'm like, if I had to choose between going to jail where nobody talked to me for 24 hours But I don't know about you guys. He's outside. What are you talking about? You totally made that up. No. Yes, you yes you have first of all he's a fine actor and you are

2:10:11 Check this out and tell me if this does not sound like somebody from South Park is doing Dennis Quaid's voice. Meteorologists have a lot to explain what is causing this weather. A twister! It's easy for him to suggest this plan. What should we do? You made things up again. What? Turn it back on. You made things up again. Just wait. I'm just saying that my opinion of Dennis Quaid's voice sounds like...

2:12:10 You lied. That is not what he sounded like. That's all I'm saying. in your assumption just now. I do want to watch it. Have you ever seen It's so bad. Now it's a different theater or something. He looks strange. but I think I just saw the best film ever made. They took it down. he would come with. no comment. but he just doesn't I went to the bathroom with the poster in my hand.

2:15:56 That's the thing. No one knows. If you look at the movie, the poster rather, the room, the movie, when I was on the road, I thought it was a horror movie. What if it was Garth Brooks' new role? When they found out people were laughing, they made a trailer? Look, the weird – okay, he comes in and there's a really hot girl. Oh, hi, Danny. But he's playing like a 23-year-old.

2:17:44 You're my favorite customer. So what was up earth looks like Johnny. You're my favorite customer. They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore. You do not need to lie about Scotchka. they have screenings because it was at and go with a bunch of friends because he was telling people he's doing a new movie with deniro which is obviously made up

2:19:46 I can only imagine this guy talking about his motivation in each individual scene. Well, one of the things about moving to Hollywood, I moved here in 94. and how they behave that this kind of the room movie thing makes sense to me. crazy that were making their own movies and coming up to you with this project they're trying to do Well, it was funny too because I just did – again, not to brag, but I did –

2:21:58 like their jobs on kimmel right because i've watched wendy city heat so many aren't they doing Well, there's a Winnie City Heat Big Three podcast that's really funny, but I don't listen to it. And he treats them like they're artists and they go up. And he's in Windy City Heat too, right? he does what he does every single fucking night he does that and i mean he's there every night

2:24:14 I'll show that to friends back in Kentucky, Whereas Showgirls and Roadhouse were like... I think that's most of the 80s movies, probably. And you took the girl from Saved by the Bell and what? special editions now where you can buy it with like that comes with like the stripper stuff and Stop this. Suck my cock. Have you seen Grizzly Man? the staircase

2:26:32 Yeah, I've been watching quite a few of them lately. and it's just documentary, documentary. It was really cool. like Nevermind, Rumors doesn't get I was just talking about this with a friend. That song, You Make Lovin' Fun, How good was that? well tell people what the story is South Africa. He was living in an apartment in Detroit. well meanwhile they're it's good music it's pretty good yeah yeah my buddy might just saw the show

2:29:49 There's – the first one is called First Rodeo and then the second one – I forget what the name of the second one is. There's no, dude. But it doesn't make any sense. where what you're starting to get is people that become famous through the internet through Which is cool if you were a band, let's say, from a small town in Kentucky and you wanted to get your music out there.

2:32:10 Seriously? That's a good, solid fucking show. Was that really in a hotel? At the Ice House That are going to be added And that place Is the ice house if you've never That's insanity, man. I'll schedule something. It's a part of comedy history. Oh, yeah. I don't know. No. I'm just getting too old for it It's just weird. Let's do it. thank you for coming aboard, man.

2:35:14 The new Comedy Central. 10.30 Eastern, they can watch it. That is The Ben Show I had a blast. Living in the future, you fucks. Thanks to Onnit.com. lots of groovy supplements We will also have Dr. Chris Ryan will be joining us again on the podcast. all the positive energy and tweets.