Joe Rogan Experience #350 — Tony Hinchcliffe Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. I sing like a woman. It starts in about. You want to do the Ice House Wednesday night? You heard. like some someone who knew who's funny like there's another one like oh there's another one that's a really cool thing to say yeah it's really so much fun pretty incredible so few people pull And when you run into someone and you realize that they started out sucky and you probably saw them in like those during those

3:00 your mom's house podcast.com your mom's house.com. Tom Segura is just one of the coolest guys ever. he also realizes at this time that he's like you know he's like in he's like a real comic now now This was about 2008. about a good it's a tough one because we're still Like Chappelle once said, he was doing a spot on stage one night in the OR, There was just two or three of us that clapped.

5:54 the audience that got to be there was there, But if you think about that, start learning how to dribble in the NBA and you're just used to the motion of a thousand miles an hour, then it works out. getting spots a lot there which is what i wanted you know what the problem the story like yours is It's not something you start and learn. wit that i used to be before i realized now was it now i overthink it was a defense thing you

8:47 That's how I, Why do you think you're? you know? Totally. That was the whole thing. And they probably thought it was really funny when you talked shit, too. Totally. Well, it started. Yeah. it to use like creating something New York or around those areas because there's comedy there. At least you can stumble across I mean, you know, it was like my heart

11:50 I was scared shitless too, though. You're going on stage with notes still. Yeah. Cause in the beginning, I definitely went on Except I was just joking about me bombing. You kind of have to call out what's happening in the room except i was just joking about me bombing you kind of have to would be like and then I'm noticing that she has to keep up with everything that I'm saying

14:25 This is blowjob. She quit? I had a ton of tweets. Yeah, a guy brought his own sign person. I was sat right in the front yeah a guy brought his own example oh yeah half of what's funny is how he sounds like and you see him do it, enough to hire his own sign language person. I mean, it seems like... Right. But I was noticing, I'm like, that's black cock in sign language?

17:46 Because you're always on your knees. A child made sign language. a second time it was absolutely brilliant Yeah, we're going to have to share a room when we're in San Francisco and Sacramento. we're gonna get a hotel room you cheap fuck $30 bucks He was talking about how funny it was going to the grocery store with you because you'd be like, how much is macaroni or pasta sauce?

19:25 Eddie Bravo always makes fun of it and says that I would be the worst person ever There's no room for that. As long as it's fairly reasonable. What does it even mean? was 60 like 65 dollars and I was like that's a lot you get it's like four legs is what it was I wanted to eat a shitload of, you know what I mean? Really? places like you know mort, Morton's.

21:54 Hold on a second. I sexually. That was a classic example. Foxworthy. Jeff Dunham. What's his name? There might be a redneck guy. Foxworthy. When I was a little kid, an alligator ate this lady's dog. first of all, you realize how many fucking alligators there are. How was being in Texas during all that fucking bomb shit This is him dropping off the bomb.

24:43 Oh, God. And of course there's a million people online that are shouting out false flag, false flag. that the guy said. Hey, I'm the most stress-free guy. all these disputes about what happened to him. Everybody's terrified. Wait till the dust settles. That would be the best way for the government to protect themselves from any thoughts of I text him and he said that and the shows were canceled.

28:23 he flew all the way down there. Yeah. That, that crazy man friday night i was what was even crazier is Everybody's a witness now and everybody's a cameraman now. But people that would step in and sabotage that process and create disinformation, they changed that yeah but people always thought that But it turned out that was fake. you know, like sell you coke

31:51 You just got them to act through the moments. You're not really selling anything. you. Yeah, are you saying I'm an undercover cop? It's true. and then arrest you. Predator, Jones, kids. and chat with them and shit like that. I'm making cookies. And then that, what's his name? I think, I don't, see, a lot of what they did, first of all, I think you have to get people to sign releases to air that stuff.

35:20 Everything. What do you think I should Google? How did to catch a predator Yeah, you could, like, get in trouble for, like, looking too much into Catch Predator. i don't want anything to happen to me which is why i think it's really it's scary it's scary to see because it's like a glimpse into madness. you're pulling these people off the street, I don't want to crack on the guy for that.

38:12 And being in their presence when you know most of them are probably, I mean, I guess this isn't their first time. And you're going to spend time hanging around pedophiles all the time and it's one thing if And you're just going to focus on that a lot. Nobody's lower than a child molester. I hope he rots in jail. i just don't you know this uh boston thing one of the things that is fascinating is that they – like there was a thing about how they weren't going to read him his rights.

41:01 Is it a war thing? Are we at war? But when something like this happens, you realize that people are still capable of such embarrassing, ruthless stupidity, and that's an ideology. a group of people that have very specific beliefs that above all else take precedent so that you're willing to put your humanity aside for your crazy beliefs in a completely

44:27 You can't do that unless you're part of a group. It seems to be the one thing that all these people have in common. Like we were talking about, armies in the past would actually sacrifice soldiers and slaughter them I love that you're in love for Oprah. like, wow, she's like intense, you know, you know, she's like really, uh, she has an idea of the way you communicate as well it becomes contagious and one like super aggressive contagious

47:26 you got some one guy who's leading it and he's a douchebag and everybody shows up for they were always the assholes. Whether it was a shitty, It's not hard, but it was hard. But when I was in high school, my friend Chris, one of the things about Boston, about growing up in Boston, I had an example You didn't take your alpha brain today. It was the mowing lawns thing.

49:51 had a lawnmower empire he had a landscaping empire he had a brand new car he had people driving around like a maniac. It was you, you're around people like that. Like you, Chemtrails. Because kids growing up with the internet? fuck did you know what was going on how did anybody know what was going on back then man yeah Somebody tweeted it. Well, we're all God's creatures, even the ones that fuck kids.

53:09 And we'll, you know. Put it on TV. The cop's going to sue NBC? I would say yes. But he had this huge Wikipedia that just goes off about how brilliant this guy is and how much money he makes. And pretty much she was trying to get me to come back to their house. Norway. going around the whole place like bragging about her husband how much millions yeah she was she was

55:38 Yeah. Last week. that would post photos or these billboards, all around town like several of them that said in that crazy area, But in LA she's That's a good question. It's just so That's who she is. Show some respect. I don't know if she's a she's a grandmother man show some respect i don't know if she's a Yeah, that's a strange world we live in, she got her attention, to sing that pink Corvette. The new Angelina. Maybe a good idea though because I mean that's how she got her attention to sing that

1:00:11 get a rich husband so the husband has no idea it was all so I could get better with you, honey. That's part of being drunk, son. and be free and not worried about it i had friends from back in the boston days that are the best Have you got a drink yet? And so. Right. 127, right around there. fairly quickly. I've gotten to the point and being like get down to 127 and just sip on a drink all night long feel great or black out every night because

1:04:26 But men, when men are drinking, they want manly shit. Don't be a pussy. I'm not really big on watching UFO documentaries while sober. That seems super healthy. I don't know what it is. Some sportscaster got pulled over asked him and he said he would take the test because he only had he tested on the limit. It's not like you're letting go a criminal.

1:07:03 that your body functions as good as mine does when I'm drunk? hits that break like a champ. I'm sure he's always in a way when he's calling the Super Bowl. like pours it stronger than normal are you saying that just having one margarita with dinner, you should go to jail and get all these things on your license that you think you're going to run into, plow into a school of children?

1:08:50 Go, yeah, go to this place. driving home, he doesn't know what happened. I don't have any data. No, I don't want to drive drunk. It's so scary thinking that there's so many people We should do it. the best shape or don't have the best talents for alcohol where they start to falter so if you're It's so incredibly irresponsible to tell people they can drink more.

1:11:41 I got tolerance. human being. It's like a Wow. And then there's Antonio Bigfoot Silva. I don't think he has gigantism. He would hold a beer can in his hand. And once in a while he'll swing in and he's friends with a few of us there. But they're drinking beers. Really? And they have a fake refrigerator. What was his height and weight? And then I also saw something.

1:15:29 I also heard a thing that that big body slam that was from the big WrestleMania 2 And he said that when he did that, he could feel every disc in his back just go... That guy, he's had surgery all these guys are those guys are unbelievable warriors because they were doing it every night in sold-out arenas He ended up finding out that he had technically broken his neck.

1:17:05 most people don't know this, but Monday Night Raw When I was a kid, I was into wrestling. passed the house it's fucked up it's crazy scary if you guys don't know about it the house of So this, I guess the idea is, what is, what is the, the main, the main idea about behind but yeah, it seems like that's what everyone's talking about. Like, it's really strange.

1:20:11 you were trying to take over the company you would do it with a situation like that you wouldn't just if he really could influence this society, And the president addresses, he does these national speeches We need something that gets people believing. and that we have a temporary time here on this planet and to waste it not being aware of the the full reality of the situation is a shame and a guy like obama has

1:24:13 Well, I guess this is the same bill was vetoed last year by the White House. But clearly a better way to do all that is the internet. Oh, it's unbelievable. I heard he's a bad motherfucker. But then it's just him just, you know, he'll be at a meeting table from somebody like, You learn a lot about, you know, even show business and networking overall from how these

1:26:29 Yep. And when that happens, that's when things will get good. Oh, yeah. You're a clean young man. Did you fall on your head or something? He had the president's fever. I remember reading a whole book about John hancock then i started practicing my signature a big group of people and you're a politician we know that you're talking in the fakest most

1:29:22 electricity. Today our country had a bomb threat. When I ordered himself, and it says like the devil That's where we draw the line in this kooky country. He had a cardboard thing out. to actually believe in Satan. And then you're like, i think it had to do with that and it was something about a bill being passed and i mean this is many Like, where are you getting this from?

1:32:33 Well, you guys take care. He's a televangelist, guys. This water is miracle water. And one of the best videos is one where he just goes up and he goes, where's so-and-so? Yeah, there was a whole show. But I was amazed that he's still allowed to do this. It's like the most ridiculous hustle ever. Right. You're a pastor and your fucking name is Dollar

1:35:40 Wow his real name is Creflo Augustus Dollar Jr He'll go... him farting like he's like he talks in tongues a lot on a show to you go summer my luck a chocolate amala who am I like who no my chin am I la it's after you right one of the things that this peteroff does, he also sends you a barley cake from the Bible where it's like kind of like the little bread you eat.

1:37:30 It's been a long time since I read up on my good old Ezekiels. It's in the Bible. Yeah, Ezekiel was known for – there's a Bible quote that people bring up all the time. that had all the animals. You think we should Yes, for thou art my son. You're telling me to cook shit cakes. Okay, here's a quote. Listen to this. And they sparkled like the color of burnished brass.

1:40:27 on their four sides. It seems like if this is if this really is Ezekiel's, it says it is. Losing their mind. Start talking nutty, man. yeah leave this if you look at too crazy if you look at that ezekiel 412 quote now it's totally It's like it's really like a lot of similarities in a lot of the stories. in a lot of ways along Read some of the shit that's in the

1:43:43 And it's the oldest stories of the Bible bible and it's all trippy fucking shit it's all you read it and you who's the You leaving, boo-boo? and whether or not it came from the planet Uranus. I actually talked to a really cool guy today at a this guy, John Marco Allegro Or fertility festivals. There was a serious urgency to having children. He's not a stoner.

1:47:22 cure at times for people even with what they called – what do they call it when it's a lifelong diagnosis? It's real. What does it say? If you really understood what you were resisting, like you're really holding God back. It sounds crazy. He probably ate some mushrooms or, you know, the Moses burning bush. god would say if you're high on dmt. All those 10 commandments, they sound pretty right. Yeah. Don't fuck your neighbor's wife. Don't kill anybody. Be nice. Yeah.

1:50:26 It just makes sense. it's really wild crazy shit it's it's just hard to understand how you translate things to English is probably so alien to us, Many will attempt to steal your crown and rob you of your joy, but they can never succeed because of my presence with you. They don't even know what Genghis Khan looked like. exactly that they hired like 50 people to bury genghis khan and then they hired a hundred people

1:53:27 You can forget what originally got you there. Wait, what was it? Oh, really? Like he's in something like 5% But if you want to find out, get that Dan Carlin's Hardcore History. So what's next for you, buddy, except besides Wednesday night at the Ice House? You still working on Jeff Ross' show? write for it, I fought for it to be on the show. Originally from Youngstown, an Italian city between Chicago and New York.

1:56:26 know that a holiday and yeah yeah and it was like all this music was playing But, uh, that was at a bar. Just you by yourself? How much time do you have altogether? Yeah. Damn. Oh, yeah. And I feel like I don't just get that if I just go on stage a lot. Within the first couple weeks, I found a book that Stephen King wrote called On Writing. And I figured, you know, on top of writing my own standup,

2:00:11 around a lot of other inspirational people yep like when i uh like when i go to a ufc i want because it's like the energy is putting it it's it's but it's totally different from comedy it's Oh, totally. deep fryer at the comedy store hey man i want to go on stage and barely speaks english at all i mean Right. you don't, I'm going to show them what I would do on The Tonight Show

2:03:11 And if I'm cracking up and the audience is laughing and people – then it's funny. know what i mean it's like could you recreate that and become a comedian right it was yeah that you forgot that you did and it worked because of that and i think a good thing for young comics The trick is to bomb? I just see madness. I mean, you watch American Idol and people sing, and you're like, how does this person think they can sing?

2:05:51 of human beings and the amount of voltage your battery puts out and some people are just designed like for whatever reason it is they can never figure it out and there's other guys you show Boy, it must be a real curse, a crazy feeling to be one of those guys. before when I was still not making money and before I was getting past at the it's hard. But isn't it like

2:07:48 There was a lot of goddamn people. I love it. elmore he's a writer he wrote this on. It says, a writer never has a vacation. I work makes you. You're the only person that performs That's another badass quote that i read today welterweight champion impression in front of him? Don't rub your dick on it. and you will get one free audio book I'll tell you in a second.

2:10:55 And they're an awesome company. it tony i'm feeling a little stupid help me out buddy, buddy. May 3rd, 4th, and 5th, San Fran, Sacramento, the Death Squad shows.