Joe Rogan Experience #36 — Eddie Bravo Transcript

Transcript

0:00 I see you driving round town with the girl I love And although that's crazy See, you're driving round town with the girl I love Fuck you She's an old Now baby, baby, baby, why you wanna, wanna hurt me so bad? Uh, why, baby? No, no, that's a shame Yeah, me too. You know what? He said you have to listen to it. Oh, shit. And I was like, There's no, you can't fuck around on the radio anymore.

5:21 No, Who the Fuck Are You? You know that? I listened to that Who the Fuck Are You song. It's sort of there, but it's not there. Eddie, how much money did you spend last night on junk food? Yeah, I didn't set that up. pitcher's great you feel so bad about yourself after you yeah i bought a lot of cereal, a peanut butter Captain Crunch. Fuck, if I'm done with my body.

7:38 Well, if you're in love with her, yeah. I'll just fuck a fat chick. Fat bitches are angry enough, man. How about that chick? is so accepted a girl but they're just friends and the dude will try to cock block anyway i've never seen that odds he has his shit together enough that he's cool with her being attracted to other people And I wanted to. guys do that they they will fuck with you and they'll drag you around if if you want to fuck

10:45 You mean this whole time you've been trying to fuck me? It's always weird. It's the most uncomfortable thing to watch. It's like if you love a chick I can't believe my house is burnt to the ground, and put it on a cassette Facebook doesn't have a limit And they go back and forth While the whole world is watching them go back and forth. They're not hooking each other up in the twit.

13:05 2,000 friends. But didn't he have like where people just like you. They like you, they like you. I disagree with it too, but for some people, My mom doesn't even know how to get texts. Let me send it again. I'm like, mom, think of all the stamps, It wasn't too long where it was all about fucking fan mail and like opening up like mail and going through that shit.

15:08 I wouldn't have time to get anything done. click a link to you you remember when that guy did that to me on twitter some guy goes hey is this What's it called? How hard shit like that was for your dad to see? It was really hard. have to be right before before 1835 there was no cameras right so there was all drawings yeah They'd send a wire in the Old West.

17:35 What can you make with smoke? It was called On the Road. he can read people's minds. I could say that, too. He needs to be on that show, Just something. Paranoia. I forget who he was, some saint character, To us, it's like a totally normal thing. that it's ridiculous that's like a technique that's a technique somebody figured out considered the way to go everywhere but here.

21:03 because they want someone to eat their ass. You know? Who was the first guy to wipe his ass? Do you ever walk into... there's a little Well, the weird thing is that you know for sure that dudes have sucked other dudes' dicks There can be locker rooms are worse. the first public restroom. and talking about clothing. Everyone's pulling out their dicks.

23:10 He'd be fucking naked, bro. He doesn't like to do it. What about that owl that you posted on Twitter the other day It's from Australia It looks like a fleshlight mixed with a bird. That's a totally legit picture? in the mexican news uh because i guess they didn't know what it was whoever it was i mean it's you when I first moved here you used to always tell me you were Mexican

25:30 His father was in World War II. Sweat this. oh shit i mean animals that live in australia can got on a cargo boat Yeah probably something like that right His eyes are whatever. proper Spanish that well It looks like a flying lizard I want to put a hat on it. And then some people had an answer for what the fuck it was. Yeah, I've seen the chimps fucking the frogs. Yeah, that's what I meant.

28:12 It's something else. And chimps are super smart. It's incredible. and like the baby chimp Right. Right. But not fat, not powerlifter dudes. The average competitive bodybuilder I was fighting at 140 pounds, those guys steer those guys don't do anything though they're not you know you know i'm saying It's kind of fucking freaky. With a 5% body fat. He was about 375, 350, but he had a lot of fat.

31:16 there was a dude who fought How long can you keep that up? might was enough to bully Noguera got that armbar. It was at Larry's house. too big we were freaking out it was the craziest fight ever because here no gara was the pride first big guy to have a very Takes it for that first round. That was a regular 10-minute round, right? People actually said that and they believed it in a large percentage of the population.

33:50 It's incredible. A lot of styles have it. It's so quick. And Shane Roller tested him, too. I don't know why they didn't show it. Javi Vasquez and me grew up in the Southern California jiu-jitsu scene. But anyways, I always knew. What do you mean? So you had him in the, for folks who don't know, when you're in the truck, when you're in the twister, for guys who don't understand the position.

36:18 And then I, from him passing, he overcommitted. it takes a lot of time to add the truck to your game and to master it it takes a lot of time you're They don't understand the position. That's a real move. I think everybody's kind of acknowledged almeida in that um that schultz headlock you saw that right and put him asleep we talked about that But again, for that move to really take off,

38:39 And people, especially MMA fighters, They got to drag logs. specialist crow cops specialist these guys who are really really good at one thing and then they he's like the level of jiu jitsu is basically what he was saying and you know and getting to the back and mastering chokes. pierre is doing if that that is the ultimate game plan he trains in the ultimate optimal way

41:35 But if you look at, Tito's a bad motherfucker. What about Chael Sonnen If Chael Sonnen's been in the game pushing a fucking pretty furious pace what if he was thinking that this would just expend too much passing, and he's been doing it for five years, someone to pass if they weren't He beat him up from inside there. He worked a bunch of stuff to it, like passing,

43:34 I'd go, you know what? Well, they might you've got to work on his passing guy who could, if he could hold you down to your guard, he could really mount you too. He could Sean Shirk is one of the best passers in MMA. and getting the back already there he's gonna be breaking guys too. where you grab the guy's chin and then Jake is still that's going to be the standard

46:28 Like Tori, Victor's son. He's the Spanish Joe Rogan. and how, like at tournaments, Well, he's a very good father, and he's there all the time with his kids, was talking to to him because when we first met him he was uh victor was living in juarez which Yeah. Had his martial arts school in Mexico. You could not meet a nicer human being. We worked together like fucking Abbott and Costello, man.

49:29 Yeah, but very respectful and very cool. Oh, yeah. I love it when the producer, No, even though he's pressing Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. i i can't believe that uh i I almost walked away from it. Almost. You don't just do. They are the greatest to move on I had guys in the main card and they started missing a lot of the transitions. If you don't understand

52:45 What's cool is to be able to see all the steps, setup you can't wait for the replay you got to rewind it manually and check out the setup but You know, does he start it here? punches in the world you know you can box and you know you you know there's only a certain amount of And that sounds ridiculous when you tell people that it's never-ending. It really is like a game of chess where you're trying to kill each other.

54:59 That's what jiu-jitsu is like. you got to roll you're going with is there new moves chess enough to understand how many different moves there are, It doesn't have really a Chinese checkers version of chess, really. Marcelo Garcia has that website Forgive me. where he played 40 fucking games at the same time. playing all these games. Yeah, you start stacking your chess games.

57:12 That guy's a genius. Yeah, where's your seminar? for free. The whole world can have them. These are all jiu-jitsu moves. I'm like, anytime someone says it, I'm like, damn it. Well, how about when I said rape choke? if there's a crazy crackhead trying to beat the fuck out of you because when you lock him up in I should test it. There's a move that's going to get

59:28 and you can't get his arm straightened out. And eventually people are going to figure it out. That's what it is. Who wants to clean someone's old pussy? Some women just don't want you talking about vaginas, period. covering your cock it needs that space thank you Oh, girl, like fake poetry on you. were drunk as fuck and they were just being really loud and obnoxious at the comedy show and then

1:01:58 I'm like, what are you talking about? I've never seen a professional athlete talk as much shit, all kinds of crazy shit to get attention and it's a fucking genius ploy i mean the guy's a smart So he brainstorms and says, I'm just going to deny it. It's fucking hilarious. God damn, He's just fucking larger than life, might get ugly. You gotta battle.

1:04:28 You just come at them. What shit talking really is like that, Doug will tell you what's wrong with him a hundred times worse than you could You're not going to say anything better than what he said about himself, why don't you post his match with Leo Vieira That's funny. You know what? Yeah, I guess John Jock's about 42 as well. Who's that kid who just fought recently on Versus?

1:07:04 UFC Spike Night in Austin. Yeah, there's going to fight Efrain in Austin, Texas. I think one is like Charles Oliveira. He locked him up quick. Nobody deserves it more than Matt. and lost a couple of squeaky close decisions and got the boot. And you're like, oh, okay. He has zero ego. He had his back a couple times. His fucking guard looks so good, man.

1:09:40 Oh, the zombie worked, I want to give a shout-out to the frogmouth owl. P-A-P-U-A-N. Thismouth. P-A-P-U-A-N. So if I can give a shout out maybe the one was just an extreme version of it yeah it's kind of like i don't know if you saw about his dog, And then that was his last Twitter. So you say no? You just argued that. That's the evidence. The evidence is he twittered when he was in his car.

1:12:06 No, no, I know. of person is not paying attention. that just might have been twittering. Like, you can't do it. You're not paying attention. you've got to do it with one hand. You know what I mean? This is what I do if it rings probably is because No? There's a million things that I should be doing, I would do it. I try to time it at red lights. We're almost there.

1:14:56 The Android, the new Android system, apparently it works not just for that. I like the fact that you can record notes, the little recording icon. Voice memos. and I have a record of it you could if you wanted to you could drive around are coming close, man. No, that's a good move, right? The sound, though. Yeah, but you have to touch your phone. as opposed to this whole world

1:16:52 we've accepted talking while we're driving. dangerous when you have it over your loud stereo systems it's like you're in than me having a person on your steering wheel? listening to some rush. You don't have to have two hands on the steering wheel. Right? You don't even have to outlaw that shit. Right. You're not fully controlled of the vehicle. A cop can pull you over. You're fucking listening to some rush.

1:17:53 I never really knew that. Do you remember the thing called the suicide wheel? any of my friends want wanted was one of those fucking stupid old american hot rods that's all They don't brake as well as regular cars. They do that? with a big like You can't be driving around watching Scarface and he had him over the house really good at making but how many people

1:20:40 have you heard Bait Car Cops before, where they take it and set it up and then I like that, though. I T-voted it, watched one. You got to get that on DVD or get it on iTunes. I'll it you gotta get it you got to get it it's genius a gall for a half an hour was in character as Helio Gracie. out and he's doing it no bullshit for 30 fucking straight minutes he's a he's a joker man he thinks

1:22:45 That's crazy shit. say some really useful shit to me. in real fights like that was all for the movies no one kicked anybody the head that you're going Kakuta, kicking with has been taking guys He's so tall. He was talking about the UFC. Now you've got Anthony Pettis doing fucking Jackie Chan kicks. them and flipping people by twisting is that possible why not man look if they can do it in

1:25:50 Yeah, Wing Chun actually makes sense to practice from the mount probably fuck you up. That's what I'm talking about. Wing Chun Remember then the hammer fist came in. the other day that I wanted to talk about. How many more times can this guy get knocked out? You know, there's a lot of football players that end up losing all their, because every time you get jacked in the brain or get knocked out there's some toxic proteins that

1:28:13 That's the most gentle sport ever. Six different times. I could be, I don't remember. You dumb motherfucker. Shut the fuck up, Stephen. knocked unconscious? No. Never? Yeah, well, what people need to realize is it's not even concussions. Famous white boxer that got knocked out. and as soon as he died it comes to mma and boxers mma fighters you know we we don't we haven't seen that happen yet we

1:31:08 know what I mean? that are dying but it's worse cut weight. Think about that. Yeah, McClellan cut but Nigel Benn wouldn't go away. Yes, I think he fought Tyson with jerry curls. hair with conditioner He's just got some crazy natty hair. Watch Nigel band Gerald McClellan. Pernell Whitaker? No, Hopkins. Better than Pernell Whitaker? know who do you think had the best defense ever in boxing pernell whitaker no hopkins better than pernell whitaker yeah i think hopkins has the

1:33:44 gets hit stands right in front of you. Look who he's fighting, though. and look so fucking drawn out, strive to be as good as Marcelo Garcia. Jacare, another motherfucker. His heart is crazy, too. I get free acai for life. You would think that boxing is pretty popular, I mean obviously hugely popular on its own, That shit's exciting. still want to compete. And

1:36:25 If you're listening out there, You could make it successful with Marcelo Garcia. that's what you need in order to get something off the ground. Look at all these guys No one's talking about it. I believe. This fucking destroyer, 5'9", 185 pounds, shredded, ridiculous muscles, You can't just say like, So you have like a tiny percentage of the population

1:38:19 But if you get a guy like Marcelo Garcia, All these guys were nothing one day, they're stars the next day just because they were No one watches that. I guess it's on. I'm saying it's really hard and putting the show on. I've watched Bellator No, but what I'm saying is, so we probably shouldn't I know nothing. I'm going to wrestle. Everything good? Yeah, Bill Burr's in it.

1:40:15 I like Steve Carell. I'm only fucking around. Expendables. for a giant career as an action star. He's fucking clean and healthy and fucking looks great for his age. Shit. That's all he needs to do. This is what I said. with like one of those pastry bags Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I brought this up. I'm sure they did. Yeah, they hammered it.

1:42:19 Okay. I'm helping you. They rejected the script, and he's getting all these stars, writers usually lose in these kind of situations, Did he get money from the film also? bruce willis and what's his problem he wants to be president that shit was funny that was a funny That was offensive to me. You just flew from another country That'd be a cool thing to text to your girlfriend, right?

1:45:11 You ever do roll playing? They go out and buy outfits and shit. That could be hot. You don't have to say that. He goes, I leave marks. You like beating it up? Boss rooting Are you serious? That is a strong. No girls that I fuck do. I've tried. Okay. There's certain girls who you're their ideal guy. teaches people all around the world. and force them to suck your dick.

1:47:57 I've tried that. Well, you guys are attacking me. Yeah, but quite the opposite. I love cats. Do they ever get from, they're like, I like to hold you from behind. Do you think you could defend yourself against a blue belt girl? I think anyone can jiu-jitsu. Listen, ladies out there, we are willing to give you $20 if you will engage in a jiu-jitsu submission grappling match at 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu in Hollywood against Brian.

1:49:33 It's not Brian's style. she's a killer she's like 135 pounds she's strong as fuck she's like all pounds. She's strong as fuck. Strong, and she's like onto kettlebells and shit? Yeah, crazy CrossFit girl and a serious jiu-jitsu black belt. for the show, I'm going to go learn jiu-jitsu for the show, and I'm going to go against a girl or something like that.

1:50:39 He did not know what was going to happen. They never aired it. Then he would have won Anything can happen But the odds are for sure for sure she's a fucking savage she's awesome and she's hot as fuck how ridiculous is Her mom's, were actually trying to hook me up with Flavia, Kira's mom, when I was 30. No, it's true. She couldn't speak English. World Jiu-Jitsu Championships

1:52:59 Chicks become like where she can dominate a man. Cyborg doesn't count. Yeah, or she's just unusually very strong genetically. that she does in training. Hot and can fuck you up How embarrassing would that fucking be? either Cyborg or there's some He comes, but just the sheer desire and drive to fight for him, you know, became exciting that like Venus and Serena

1:55:37 right? You should make it happen. Well, you know what they could do? And then someone offers like a big money fight. over the back of your neck get really good at that Giant asses. They would be the crushers. They would have to They would be insane. They would be the crushers. The percentage is much lower than girls for some reason. Chung Li. What? You're just making people up,

1:57:53 Like, I just recently started liking iced tea. Do you like to eat grapefruits? I love grapefruits. I think they're delicious., my dad likes to eat grapefruits. Do you like to eat grapefruits? No, I kind of liked them Yeah, Bobby Lashley's fighting. Andre Galvao an awesome fight anymore? online after the event is over, the fact you can always get any fight you want on ufc.com that's the shit but me as a fan you know

1:59:36 I would want to fucking see that fight, man. I mean, I guess there must be a method to their madness, at this card, like this card is nasty I want to see that fight. in the dark area, Waleed Ismail. Can I show When I started working for the old UFC. He had a feud with Haiyan Gracie. This Haiyan, he's cook. He's f terrible English. He had a feud with Hein Gracie.

2:01:33 He's cook, faggot, Hein Gracie. find this valide ismael it's no w w a it's it's waleed but it's spelled with a w w a l l i d and a badass jiu-jitsu guy, and he's famous. I just want everybody remind, everybody remember, everything I say before the fight, happen Much better. Because I train hard. You know, I not go to everybody. Can you imagine going to the ball garden with this guy? I feel much better today, last time. Much better.

2:03:24 I have hard to fight. There a hard to fight there's no He's crazy looking too. I beat Hans Grace, his cousin. Obrigado. For people who don't know, Hickson Gracie is like, he's like the god of jujitsu. It says, what it says is, don't be coward, don't run off the fight. This is my fin for you. Have you initial this One more time and i'm so sad that i lost it now does he go home and just be like hey hon how's it going i'm home

2:05:53 jiu-jitsu match and put him to sleep. This is after He's a good dude. As a brown belt, he went against our master, Jean-Jacques Machado. It wasn't easy. yeah yeah it's on my mind it's on my myspace too i got it up there it's a classic myspace.com slash the twister yeah and if they want to find eddie that's where it's at my MySpace too. I got it up there. It's a classic. MySpace.com slash the twister.

2:07:16 Funny or die. his son's a writer. So I said, fuck it, I'll buy it like a goth dude who's like into all kinds of creepy weird shit like he's got like a head from It's a good, goddamn, well-written book. You know, that was pretty cool. I didn't appreciate off the charts. Reading is fundamental, on joerogan.net. I use it, and it's way better than just beaten off.

2:10:01 I think that's the best spot. and I've talked about it I want you to read this shit are those adderalls he took an adderall which is why he can't be here today because he's cleaning he wants to write material This book is a fascinating look into the psychology of creativity. I'm telling you it's a quick easy read Just force yourself to create. Check out my video, though, Pet Cementary.

2:12:16 You got in trouble with it? gonna give you our thoughts about this and that's how we we're going to end the show, ladies and gentlemen. Am I doing something illegal? No, no, it's not illegal at all, That's what's going on. Oh my God. and I know you'll think less about Ari. Oh my God. People just went crazy, I guess. What did TMZ have to say about you?

2:14:38 Aria actually took it too far. Did you pull your dicks It's all about editing. When you're making out with the cat It's totally bestiality. You know, like his dick was like way down here. They get a close-up on her. and she goes, Oh, yeah. the sequel anyway apparently But how often do you think that happens? Yeah. playing like some street fighter boxing character that was like the the bottom you know he like

2:18:10 characters john travolta he resurrected john travolta career yeah same thing john travolta He quit in the middle of being a giant movie star to become a boxer. this is the story, it could be all rumors, You've got to research that shit on the internet, son. I said, that's the rumor. But was it just someone in high school? I'm following you. Ready? of getting nothing.

2:20:29 All right. Joey Diaz is... Oh, Michael Jackson. Did I cut my dick off? I'm not gay. but they take out your testicles That's a good one. Think about this. In a fucking island You'd go, who is this? Dude, he went through. Changed his chin. He became a white guy. I mean, look at the nose, could breathe better. He had like a gang Fucking talented Nobody ever

2:24:01 You can get away Yeah, no one cares anymore. Yeah. Ow! Like his movements ever i'd listen all the songs a million times it's not gonna grow on me i've listened to this song a I went in there to laugh at him. You wanna be starting something? And he played it live. His dancing, he had, he there's certain parts of the songs where everyone's doing the same thing he's doing.

2:26:41 He had the craziest dance style ever. out it came out in his movements it was something about watching it where you felt for him you felt People forgave his ass. What are you talking about? I thought This Is It was amazing. at him talking in the past. you might not like it, but this golf fan You got to see backstage the show but what I'm saying is I wasn't looking at the production.

2:29:14 I cried a couple fucking times I have every single album right here on my computer. what documentaries have you I'm more tolerant for I was shocked. I liked it. I liked it. It was cool. Yeah, but that's kind of funny I'm not Pretty fucking good man It's some new drug called Rage. You're infected instantly. Dude, you gotta watch it. into some crazy motherfucker that wants to come into your house and try to kill you like people

2:32:07 But isn't the definition of a zombie someone who was dead exists, literally there's a parasite living parasite, a bunch of fish rather, and it helps it swallow food. It eats some of the food. mouth, there's no Did you see that? What the fuck is wrong with people? Well, just why do it? That's like, fuck a plane. with the craziest view ever. It kind of looks all the same. It's boring.

2:35:21 They will always be there. It just gives me this little extra tingle of fear that I think makes the writing better. Or some straight hash oil. I'm going to sleep the whole way. i couldn't stop putting the scenes together putting the whole story together and developing changing shit dude we travel so much and how many times have you and i like right about to get on a

2:37:30 and I went to sleep I woke up in England a past he got pulled over having a gun in his car. Totally legit. He was working for a check cashing store. The microphone's dead. I don't know This is officially the longest of our podcast ever Twister Eddie. You think so? Son, keep that shit. I don't want to work anymore, motherfucker. MMA wild. Joey's trying to do the right thing. Joey's trying to get a gig. That's what Joey's listening to agents. Joey's trying to do the right thing.

2:40:16 Take that down. I think he should embrace it. Only go People should be paying to see Joey Diaz. Does anybody have that? He wants to make sure like a Joey Diaz little special, little and get it out there you know and get comedy central to do something with them that's that's That's fucking hysterical. He's a wild man. Yeah. Yeah, that's what they should do.

2:43:11 Joey was like And in the time that I knew him, intros to DVD and the And I want to hug this out. And you ain't meeting another me, bitch. Yeah. I can see that. okay, you've been playing for three days straight. Why can't I do it? to eat fuck them fuck them you can't sue for that that's like anti-evolution whoever that judge is You can't sue someone for that.

2:46:23 only did it with my ip. I didn't go online. Okay, but why? Maybe somebody posted something life-changing. Yo, 7 o'clock. And if you've never done some jiu-jitsu, like going to the gym It's very disturbing, never to be repeated.