Joe Rogan Experience #376 — Bryan Callen Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day What sets have you been on? with Elizabeth Banks, That's Elizabeth. Yeah. What a pretty face and, you know, an okay ass. Enjoy your fruit compo. Are you ready for hunting again? Don't listen. yeah we're gonna have like it's gonna be like a real place we can you have a bed the whole deal

2:48 I've done a few gigs in Chicago in January. No. He finds his way through, right? Yeah, we caught a lot of salmon. Oh, and by the way, we spent $600 to go deep sea fishing, me and my father. It's a dinosaur. Yes. We did not. We saw eagles. We saw a lot, son. There's nothing going on. Did you see any bear? We did not. We saw, by the way, two of them.

4:27 Wow. horse yeah a horse that swam you never think of a horse swimming they can swim they swim like in I meant the Pacific. You and your technical ideas about what a sea is. Really? It's cold as fuck. Unrelentingly. They're unbelievable. We bought it at REI. It might be worth it, though, when you've got a cloud of mosquitoes. Yeah, believe me. I was in Utah last week and I didn't use it. You need it. Probably gives you cancer. Right. I mean, who knows what the fuck that stuff does. It might be worth it, though, when you got a cloud of mosquitoes.

7:21 Yeah, by the way. Because they're just too, they don't care. Oh, wow. Now, when you're in, and then when the whole forest wakes up, All together, just squawking. It's mostly the different bugs And you better carry Because of the ants. And you can hear them. You can hear the movement of the ground or whatever it is as they forage through. Well, there's an equal number of pounds in the world of human as there are of ants.

10:42 Oh, yeah. so you took all the electrons, enough, we are way more space. And what seems to be creating solid matter is the relationship Like, what are you talking about? you could put it into a baseball. Yeah. the largest computers back when the Apollo moon landing program was going on, I mean, it's not capable of the same thing, but as far as computations per second, your

13:27 There's not a goddamn doubt about it. When you boil things down, when you get really small, things get really big. is actually probably 300 or 400 billion stars, it's all essentially mini-universes. It's like the real problem comes when what you can simulate is exactly the same as what you can experience outside of the simulation, when you're in there, too.

16:21 The notion that um, We're too stupid to actually repeat what these people have like worked their lives to. So incredibly complicated but reality for most of us is simply reflections on the wall. You can imagine it. By the way, it's 300 pages long. It has zero relevance to the material world. And oh, by the way, bears physical reality for something very physical in the physical world it's weird man and he's like why was it why what

20:35 whatever and all of a sudden goes this mathematical equation is exactly is is proving my theory this I was watching this Joey Diaz video today. Not just so i I'm going to want to work out. I'm going to look at my biceps in the mirror. Me too. I have to get Well, especially math theory, where you're thinking up these crazy theorems that don't have any numbers.

22:56 Guess what? There was a Russian guy that found this impossible theory. Give it to the theorem in the sky. What? You may not be able to achieve that theorem, but that theorem can still inspire something else in you. but learning about it, or at least being inspired by how difficult it might be, it could be opera, because I have zero talent. I don't know.

26:08 by the ways for the show. he jumped out for a guest spot. How is he not online? And now he's doing, and I said, you've got a responsibility, bro, which is you've got songs, but that's a real trap for young bands that want to perform in bars and make a living It's like the ability to tell a joke that you stole from someone and the ability to write a joke like that yourself.

28:06 This is the dude right here. That's that Joe Satriani type shit, right? It's weird that that seems to be the only good thing that comes out of Florida, is occasionally But let's be honest. That's a good joke. I don't know. I got to dance around this without giving out any names. but then it turns out as you know he was there for a little while he started uh people were like he

31:14 and she winked at him and gave him a hug, and he was in love. Like, guys would come into town and, you know, they had been running trains on her for the That's not possible. Yes. And he had some real potential. You learn how to lose relationships. But when you've only experienced fear And you'll never take a chance again. Not a coach, a buddy, a group of friends, a whole bunch of friends.

33:56 they don't get treated with the proper respect by the people that are raising you. but that's real that feeling that you can get when people are angry at you or hate you, that horrific feeling when you bomb. it again you know this friend of mine it was an early lesson about what can happen i had some good can help themselves and i've seen people that can't this girl could not help herself she was

36:09 was get this girl alone. yeah. tell me stories. and he would beat her up and she liked it. She's like, guy she was dating and how she liked him to smack her. As soon as I could drive, that was one of my first jobs. And while I was fighting, it was one of my jobs because I could make a couple hundred bucks a week. All I had to do was get up in the morning

37:24 Yeah. You know what helped me a lot? was it you think that's a great movie by the way no it's not you think of these how dare you This kid, Gary Lane, had seen me put some kid in a headlock. example of you if you lose keep trying and you'll win in the end it was always that feeling I think Was he really that light? Now he is. You can see his legs are thin.

40:13 old and he looks really good let me see a picture please yeah it's all over the You got that image. Look at how low he a fucking window. Well, thanks for an image I've never had in my head until now. You got that image. Look at all the striations in his chest. not if you're a man if you're a woman you're allowed to do that at any age a woman can do

42:05 I don't think it's really a visual thing the facial features there's all these Just shut the fuck up, man. I'm very impressed. That's my canary the drugs have, they ain't shit It doesn't exist at 66. Oh, fuck yes, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's us together. times more effective. He said you're Yeah. into you it'll be a red blood cell nanobot and that'll that'll oxygenate your blood and it's

45:56 he had skin and a body that would heal itself instantly. They're going to be able to do it. That's what they accidentally have when they inbreed those dogs, those whippets. They have giant muscles. It's so true. accident I was in town filming my TV show while he was working at the improv not only a great comic but such a close friend i was killing back there.

48:50 2,000 people. that are fun and warm and friendly. the more happy and the more enjoyable this thing is going to be for you. Wait till you see it. That's what he sees forward. They're like, whatever, it's David Blaine. How about someone coming to your house and you ask them to do jokes? Your mind will be blown. So exhausting. I was just announced lost,

51:20 to one extent. where you don't think The NSA has all those where this woman who is an anchor, she's an anchor person, Because we know that things are out of control now. Everyone. Not a monk. Not a person It isn't. It's insane. And nobody's making enough so would mean giving up your freedom. Definitely before trial and likely for data to Wiki links.

54:54 Sincerely, Melissa. That's like, you can see that she's got for acceptance, she was also saying, like, where do you get this stuff? All right? It's a very complicated issue. I mean, right now it's in the government's hands, It's insane. It's always the excuse. Yeah. You wouldn't do it and you have all these people that are putting pressure on you. Let's get that money.

59:23 them are also behaving like psychos. That becomes your new reality people go to war that that's if How many horsepower does it have? It's a giant spectrum from killing babies Yeah, so when you lump them all together without personal accountability, You can drive and go fuck you. in a unit above you and there was anonymity created so you could steal shoot somebody for

1:02:16 one of the theories is the fact that you suddenly now, because even if you were in a ghetto, you So it became much easier to shoot somebody you didn't know. Familiarize yourself with how these things happen. History repeats itself. Know that your freedom can just step back and look at what's happening. But we have to ask ourselves a question. Where is the check and balance?

1:04:47 Like only rich people had phones, and you would occasionally see a phone. And he had a real nice car. He had a couple bucks. His family's a successful business, and he was always a part of that. And he had a real nice car. Yeah, yeah. They were on their phones. It's going to start with them. It's just information. They'll give you a million X amount of pounds of gold that equals a million dollars.

1:06:52 You stop and you go, what are you talking about? You're all going to be able to communicate through Wi-Fi. And when that happens, you're going to have access to mine and I'm going to have access to yours. money anymore. It's going to reach a point where it's just resources go that way too there's gonna be no money anymore it's gonna they can, the brain activity in the,

1:09:13 zeros and ones, you're talking about money no longer being real. This guy named James It'd be a very difficult thing to do, but that was his job. And that's what, you know, one of the things about the financial system that I found to be terrifying, spread you mean or they figure out which way things are going right and the by the way the It's Greek to me, bro.

1:12:16 apart it's detroit it's detroit the country there's no money there it's a fucking wreck the There's also something called a tipping point. If you're not careful, if you don't know, if you're not paying attention to who the real enemy is system, individuals exploiting it. was a bunch of people were able to extract Yeah. I'm remembering, might've been one of them. There were really two people, one of whom has Asperger's

1:15:20 dude who just who was a broker who did this, who I think hooked up with this not only was it a crazy fucked up system that people were exploiting Incredible money, the SEC. freaking out and reacting to him, opening they're going to take it some people so the idea then is how do you create a system I'm not saying they are right now, Sure it was. And what was my favorite part about it was when they were talking about the bonuses and that Obama was

1:18:40 How could you possibly get You lose, don't worry, the government will bail you out. You live in a private economy. You have an unlimited budget. Go to the TED lecture and listen to it. How do you solve that problem? It takes two hours to get into Washington because 13,000 lobbyists are descending on is the internet? that is going on You and I, regular people, know how to do it.

1:21:07 You're talking about the NSA now. There's nothing wrong with it. It is because the decision, exactly, because the decision finally is a public decision that still has to be, that we contend with and we know about. Of course. It's been hijacked. So spying on its citizen, if a government is spying on its citizenry secretly, if they are collecting They're never going to let him go.

1:23:48 People on drones are slamming in the huts. You got to know, and that takes some work. who said he doesn't know what he's talking about. trying to control and and steal resources and hold on to influence and hold on to power. Meanwhile, the government itself is responsible for thousands of people dying in drone attacks that were innocent. It's craziness.

1:26:20 and everyone's fucking cell phone records? telling you you can't smoke weed we're gonna lock in a cage they tell you would kill them you would an island together and it was just you and me, and I to Capitol Hill and you are a politician and you're making 120 grand a year, you know what And it's just like any other business. to make money inside this system is to keep it pushing forward. That's right. But I think it's

1:28:58 all these kinds of things, going on the road. about it is if you had direct tv which wasn't as popular back then as it is now i mean we're it's mixedmartialarts.com and it became it's some what's that noise dialing what is that And so they would get online and people, these communities sort of developed where people are like what the fuck? You know what?

1:31:44 Why wouldn't they watch? Why not just go right. I still to this day. They all watch my first special on Netflix. Why wouldn't they watch? Did you, there's a recent article about the Pacific Garbage Patch, about the new measurements but Google Pacific Garbage Patch. Can't we go in there with scoopers? It's little pieces. I have to believe that with technology, 3D printing, and stuff like that, we're going to have less waste, less transport, right?

1:33:53 Right, right, right. and introducing iron, taking metal and creating metal structures Anything is surmountable. yeah well that I believe it human beings It was the turning point in history. I think it was 1819 or something. And when Morse code came out, and Morse was a guy who was a really, really successful painter, okay? It was this tragedy. because it was the first time we were able to send instantaneous messages. Uh, and then I think

1:37:14 He never used to clean his own Petri dishes. have it, but you need it. And one of the worst things that is that you need struggle. It seems like you shouldn't have it, you see it with certain actors. It's not struggle. came after bombing. My shitty, Yeah. I went up there, when there's 10 people in the crowd, factory at like 8 30 on a friday when everyone's laughing and everything and you can watch this

1:40:27 But that same person, put them on the comedy store at 1 a.m. in front of 20 people. some of those black musicians who were doing incredible things with a horn and there was this And I realize why I failed. that again. So the only I'm also driven. The idea of seeing what's inside you. And I said, what drives you, man? yeah well that's when it becomes like a weird game that you're playing that's what it is like

1:43:13 when it goes up $50 billion and then down. like what happened there right like you lost 50 but what wait a minute what are you even saying No, no, no. You dropped $40, thousand dollars whatever it was or something crazy i was um looking online at uh houses that like uh you And then when you stop and look at it and go, wait a minute, how did she do that?

1:44:54 is talk and Well, I remember when I was doing Fat Actress And I was there while they were renovating it. Well you gotta think that she's like really big She's very extreme What happened after you did the show? No, no. Never even looked at me. pages in i just started oh oh please continue but it's it's uh it's absolutely fascinating he also It's a prison of belief.

1:47:39 That's what a person could do. Like all the shit that a person could do. A person could make coffee. And they had all the people Welcome Home Elder White. what's even better than skiing because you got brakes now. You take the lift back up. I've been hiking up there. But you've got to land in Salt Lake. I never got beat up by a Mormon. really interesting to see when people hit like

1:50:37 bullshit, which I sympathize with. Really? I might just vote for Mitt Romney next time. Ta-ta for now. filled with people that are involved Vice.com, man. And it's not like this is speculation or theory. because they target those. And so they were doing that with the families, One of the weirdest aspects of society in the year 2013 is that we are connected to one of the most dangerous areas in the world.

1:53:56 I mean the cops. if people want to do something they're going to do it stop trying to control people's behavior They decriminalized everything. Yes. Those are all legal. Yeah, and Oxycontins, all that stuff. And that way, they can stop medical marijuana from starting, because it's a plant as opposed It's based entirely on money. Entirely being fair and ethical it's based

1:57:30 Of all the people that are in prison And now prisons will shrink. advantage in it, even if it's an immoral law. No, there are ways to do it. Right. You're a weird guy, man. His car goes 100 miles an hour without ever hitting the brakes right into a tree a modern car today, including manipulate the steering, the brakes. And so this guy who is spending all of his time and all

2:01:07 Dot, dot, dot. Of how anonymous you can be now. So, you know, yeah, I believe that there are probably people who could manipulate a car. Whether it's been done is not a fact, but it's a fact that it can be done. Come on. Talk about being able to steal a car really easily. I'm literally looking at that Tesla. Yeah. I love Tesla. Gasoline is going to exist for a while.

2:03:53 It only took like 10 minutes. You're going to have to stop somewhere along the way and charge your car, It's a beautiful car. I interviewed Martine Rothblatt. Her wife's name is Bina. It's like she's slowly but surely updating these things until eventually it's a real robot. It's a wicked car, man. and have their version was how to make a car that that sports car they have too is wicked that thing is fast yeah it's true but it's really rear

2:06:45 which means that the engine is in front of the wheels, The Corvette ZR1, that's a front-engine car. fucking tesla okay you got a bunch of batteries back there and little skinny ass tires yeah it They took a Tesla around a track and it was like sliding all over the place. No, I'm looking at the big one. No. Well, good thing we found out through Hurricane Sandy.

2:09:21 Wow. No, not that. That's my call. He's fought Nate Marquardt, all kinds of guys. He hits hard. He fought Tarek Safedine and lost his title, got leg kicked. camp I don't think he's trained in the like the technical level of Safedine. Safedine was like a real professional He thinks he's the crusher at 170. by that crazy Jose Aldo leg kick. I couldn't believe that.

2:12:16 People are realizing that people used If you've been leg kicked correctly, like, we're starting to see it slowly but surely, So you get a guy like Aldo that shows that in the fight with Uriah Faber. I'm sorry, Uriah, if I'm, yeah, he's so tough. He did it by the second round. title in the previous fight. Forget it. He's a bad motherfucker. He's the real deal.

2:14:33 If you do get him, he's going to go back to the drawing board and come back better. That's another guy I have tremendous respect for, Carlos Condit. He never loses his composure, man. I mean, you've got to think, he beat the most impressive victories of his career, No, I know that. That's why he went up to 170. although Ellenberger has definitely He's also like GSP's

2:16:30 training together. until I talked to of the gym. Is that like you know they realize that eventually they're going to fight. If this I mean I haven't talked to him about this. But what I've read recently is that he's been training on the other side of the gym. if that's even true. Rory's a big kid. What are you talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. realize he's losing the yushin okami and you go oh i see what's going on you don't belong in that

2:18:11 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But all that muscle requires fuel. For five-rounders, it's the big ones. I can't wait to see that fight. Because a lot of these guys, the week of the fight, they're cutting like 20 pounds. fucking fall down and bang their head walk. Yeah. Yeah. Rory is thick. Ridiculous. I was like, you're going to suck down to what? Had Arlovsky staggered, broke his jaw, had him all fucked up in the first round.

2:21:19 but then he lost to Tim Sylvia, and then he came back, He lost a few by KO. fedor and was like going fight punch for punch with fedor for most of the first round and then Sometimes people take wild chances. He's got to get through Cain Velasquez and some other guys. That's how he's built. There's a picture of him. And stenosis is the short, the canal where like the nerves are, starts getting impinged.

2:24:45 smushed. They're getting cut off. There's nothing they can do about that. Oh, it's a weeks ago and uh he had just gotten out of the surgery and he's like i don't know when i'm going be. It's really difficult to do, to transition from anything where you're a professional athlete You can't train that hard all the time. And he's got a... but they do it in Europe.

2:27:01 Even with his disc. Well, we've talked about this on the podcast before. They're strangling you, and that's part's part of jujitsu, you know. It's going to break your arm. In two persons, you're doing 18 minutes of hand-to-hand fucking combat. And if you don't do it on a regular basis and tired, then you're not going to know the proper defense. you make one mistake one mistake see ya yeah a guy like cron he gets a hold of your neck that's

2:29:44 When your dad is Hickson fucking Gracie, just think about the amount of knowledge that he must have relayed to his son. My brother Hickson kills me. afterwards and we were both so, we were so awed and quiet. I remember you went where he was talking And by the way, stud. Because Hickson brings out the by the way in me. One of the things about a guy like Hickson that's so fascinating is that what separates him from everybody else is not just his physicality.

2:32:18 a gymnast or something that doesn't make any sense because george is kind of built like a gymnast single way in every single position and is his yoga is like one of the more unique aspects of him shoulder lock. He was only like and they'd put on these events in Brazil. And he would have these fights with guys. I mean, there's never been a motherfucker ever who developed that many killers as sons.

2:35:56 all of a sudden all your Kung Fu and everything He was a small guy. was killing everybody, I was watching him going, Dan Severin, 250 fucking pound giant wrestler. time, also, that we realized Gracie was, that was an important moment for martial arts. And it was the first time also that we realized that, like, in the movies, it was always a little dude with skill that was beating the fuck out of all these guys.

2:37:39 that's more of what most of us saw on a regular basis so then when you have the craziest event like judo guys in there, karate Well, this is how little they knew about it. Marco mounted him and was like, The idea that a guy mounts you and the fight's over. But the thing is that you did see how dominant Anderson was when he got into Chris's head. knocks out Anderson. I go up to him

2:40:06 I'm not happy with the amount of leg kicks he was taking. He recognizes, like, this played out great, It's also a testament to Anderson Silva fucking around. so that he can't roll out of it and then rips his Weidman's better. Weidman's a freestyle wrestler. He knocked out Munoz with an elbow. He smashes lot of fucking people that have been He's been doing it forever.

2:42:48 Even the greatest ever. You're the best. Do another episode. Yeah. It's almost sold out, though. It's one of my favorite places to go. Canada's just... Everybody loves to come to Canada. I get sad. My podcast I've been doing, Thanks to Joe Rogan. I just want, my job is just to inspire. Guns, Germs, and Steel. My new show airs tomorrow night, Brian Cowan will, I'm sure, eventually do one.

2:45:43 if you get this. and you will save yourself 10%, Thanks also to Onnit.com. Stick it up your pooper. It is the coolest connection.