Joe Rogan Experience #383 — Jim Norton Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. Good to see you. I'm okay. But the idea is that butter from grass-fed cows is butter from healthier cows. different too. And the butter is actually healthy for you as opposed to the butter that you're but I could never be the professional just walking around slugging milk. Do you remember Everybody's getting because of that. Minnesota Fats was Gleason. What was the real, the original Fats? New

2:36 Moscone was, and they used to have these matches, He was a really good pool player, but he was a hustler. Oh, wow. He's dead now, but his brother was very famous. Yeah, every now and then a guy sneaks through She doesn't play, I don't think, as much anymore. and she's pretty. Like I guess Greg LeMond, he was one that I had heard of like way back in the past.

4:48 I bet you have. And it's hard to express a personality there or something that differentiates you and makes you likable that is bigger than the sport. Rather wide-backed girl. I like pool and hate it. really good. As you get really good Oh, a bunch of people crowded around a table Let's take a bunch of people They'll fight over a guy's Do you think if you tried to pick a fight with a dart guy, did they draw on each other?

7:09 It was disgusting. You never hear about two dart players going at it and throwing darts at each other. You know, those fucks. You're like, It's something that counted years ago. Could you hunt with a dart? I watched a special where these dudes were jacking monkeys with blow darts. Like, those things are really close to people. They're close, man. Yeah.

9:11 I mean, that's the only way they knew. It's a really fascinating. Yeah, yeah. God damn it. He got fucked up, too. But the guy just can go and go and go. Yeah. You know, look at a guy like Mike Russo. Dude, who wants to be punched in the face by a Chicago cop been dicks to us. Well, they have a much because it's almost like they can't even believe that they're this fucking superstar.

12:20 making sure you're organizing your training, that i liked um to be honest you know the one i thought was really nice uh clyde frazier we had on I'm like, I want to get a picture with LeBron. and ask if he can get me a picture And I'm glad I do it. I think that would have been cool. And I've never listened to his stuff. But I also think if your mind is straight and you have good ethics as far as your writing, I don't think you really have to worry about that.

15:39 comic book artist or whatever else i wanted to be or could have been if i wasn't a comic i would It's like the Cherry Lane Theater, but he might be moving. I put him at the top above all comics. I think Colin is hilarious. for sheer laughs, if I wanted to just goof on shit, I would like to see an act like yours. You shouldn't sell that short. Out of all the really good dirty comics in this country,

18:12 No. No, there's not. motherfucker or nigger too much at times Whatever. But if I'm doing it because, I wish I didn't sell myself out. It's not like a trick. It's not like just a, and that feeling that you believe in and it works because you believe in it. It's not like a trick. like it was funny and it wasn't funny. but for whatever reason, I just wouldn't do it.

19:59 I don't find any extra valor in cleanliness. And, you know, then she was giving me a kiss on my... So I'm embarrassed for comics And having a conversation Can't tell you one-on-one, tell me what happened. I'm never going to really know you. that as a comic, everybody's like, alright, so what? And we can speak our mind a lot more. I think they're putting on an act.

22:17 Of course you can. We all Or there's going to be people that do it and get caught, you didn't just use a prostitute you know you were arresting them you were If they just fucked, if they just had a website to say, hey, let's meet up and fuck, no one would have a problem with that. Sickening. But I think a lot of our ideas of what's so horrible about prostitution is all based on this Puritanism bullshit that we've been pushing in this country from the get-go.

25:03 look, I gave you food. Let's go back to my place exactly what's the difference between a date and fucking dinner till your buddy walks in with a pussy on his leg They win Clear fluid. that's gonna, all of a sudden, hey, I thought better than I thought. a connection to drug cartels. The Sanjay Gupta CNN thing, on CNN.com and the special saying non-violent drug offenders are a giant part of what's in the prison system and making people

28:33 And they figure out what the fuck they're going to do together once they get out of they're always the last ones to show up and say yes to something or no. The tobacco company probably went can't even talk. It's billions in every state. And right now, it's all slipping through the cracks So the stocks of marijuana make insanely good paper. They make tremendous building materials that are biodegradable and last forever and are stronger than steel.

31:02 No. But it's essentially the male version of the plant It's a weird fucking plant. It's like no plant that exists on earth. It's a fucking rock it's weird it's a weird fucking plant it's like no plant you could do with it how could it be legal how could it be illegal rather you wonder why there are certain where people are seeing the actual inner workings of the government,

33:19 Can we make that deal? Nothing we love more. Now, I understand we look at them as entertainment value, but people also are comfortable seeing How depressing is that? Not even angry, just tired of the... I've said some shitty things. That degree of fucked up-itude. a black guy working for her and hearing that shit come out of her mouth. And you're also dealing with disgruntled employees.

36:14 What does it say? It says that And she was white. She's ruined. But he couldn't... Yeah, I think he's got a problem. Have a three-hour conversation with her. show. Yeah. He goes, I've never met a racist. from themselves and their own Yeah, I agree with you that there's a lot of people that love to do that moral high ground thing. If they revealed ugliness about themselves, I would have respect for them.

39:38 that. Yeah, there's a real problem with people One average girl with glasses and a stupid tattoo with words on her arm. yeah, a lot. they like something different. I don't think women should be sexually harassed at work. and brushes her cock by her when he walks by her in the hall. I don't think it's a real word, but if it was a real word, it'd be a good idea.

42:12 They want them to be what they want them to be. It's that that guy's a piece of shit. He actually just left his gig. and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. insulting you and is not a damn thing you can do about it. There's nothing he could do. I'm a masculinist. inadequacies in our society. It's wrong. I'm over 75. It makes me crazy. I have a sister,

45:51 they're fucking creepy people, man. But so are women who do it to men. And the idea that that's Yeah, Anthony. Got murdered. I mean, it was just a devastating several-year event that she wouldn't— she was doing it on purpose to try to drag it out, to try to milk him. are together for x amount of years then he has to pay for her for the rest of her life yeah but he

47:35 pussy payments. It's not lumping ourselves into groups and generalizing that all women are good and all men are bad or vice versa. Let's you know white American men dominated everything in this country and We're also paying for the sins of a lot of other people. Sure. Like, for centuries. You know, white American men that's not excuse-making. a lot of us today are being treated unfairly because the balancing act is making things go so far.

49:05 folks who don't know Rick Crome and Jim David you get in trouble for that now Like, even though I don't want to get in trouble for it, If a man is a 50-year-old man, he says, I'm just not getting married again. no they're not it's not homophobic at all it's a gay joke just like jokes about straight sex can be taken in a whole wide variety of different ways.

51:20 It's ludicrous, right. He might have. So when you see all this, it's almost like shitting on people when they're down. He just retweeted it, I think, like you know what i mean in that context like i and that's something that unfortunately He had some cake, and Ope did a dick thing, It didn't come off like that to any of us. It was a fucking... and I saw him 50 times

53:52 We gave him, I think he gave him like $100. You piece of shit. When you guys are, Opie and Anthony is my favorite show ever to do because it's such a hang, and everybody's making everybody else laugh. But for us, it's so normal. They completely, brutally cross the line. people mentioned oh then they would do this homeless shopping spree it's like I know what you're saying.

56:36 The problem is when you see things out of context, it's like you were talking about in the first place. times have I done it? I've done it so many times with Patrice. Even though he was of my favorite guys ever. And that's one of my, But it was a fun, friendly, black guy. If you have a regular job, if you're working as an insurance salesman, pushed Homeless Mustard through,

59:29 And Opie took a real concern with him and his sobriety. You were being completely honest about it. Jezebel, which is a feminist website. And what I loved about it, man, was first of all, you never she hadn't the blog wasn't about me it was about a guy who yeah any guy making a dick joke or That people are going to expect. a very good time, who gives a shit? Fuck you.

1:02:16 And every Catholic priest joke is somehow minimalizing the victim. You don't have to participate in the shows. Are they really running around killing people and selling cocaine every day? They like to listen to rap music. expect it. And it was well-crafted because the imagery was such, it won't, And there was a bar next to it, and I'm watching, and Otto's just up there fucking struggling and hating it.

1:04:37 at this, so the fucking, the I immediately saw the end of Caligula where they grabbed the ankles and they smashed the fucking head into the steps. How funny that was. Like, Dice has some bit about how a woman gets pregnant, And for people to say that that's a homophobic joke well, then we have to go with a fine-tooth comb At least in that sense, there's no excuse.

1:07:08 Well, people do know that, you should get in trouble for a gay joke and he called it Piss Christ. It would have been like, you know. So they would call him a fascist for that. go see that go go you know go see cheryl crow or go see dave matthews there's a lot of variety out fucked up, yes you can. the art form because it's going to hit you. Yeah, barbaric rape scene, yeah.

1:10:22 is exonerated from the impact. been either sexually assaulted or raped. you have to like not you have to censor yourself because of the you can choose to you can choose of it has to be looked at. You have to look and it's the edgiest set I've ever seen a comic do. and making a room full of people laugh about it. something that I knew was awful. So why wouldn't I give my audience the same credit for being able

1:13:18 And so their opinion is set up entirely to protect the victims of these crimes. Tiger Woods' text messages, I reveal my own. I talk about my own. I also talk about things that have hurt somebody. I won't do gun jokes when fucking Hollywood can't tell me how bad guns are, That's all it is. And that sounds like a fucked up thing to say, I don't like horror movies.

1:15:55 certain types of humor. about something people's abhorrence to violence know you should have had a trigger warning in there like this is the attitude that a lot of Right. How come there's like zero push to take murder off the menu? Their argument would be because, and again things. And again, castration of rapists. is simply bullshit and it's would you put quotes around that it starts to be real and what i don't mean that it's going to

1:19:32 Most people have moms. either. And no one's paying attention to their kids. Making a human being and raising a human at a very early age. But for most of us, we have to get the fuck out of the house before we can it's stealing, whether it's It's not about getting ahead. taking Ambien to go to sleep. Like, honestly, I think that they would stop Yeah, these pussies.

1:22:14 A lot of it tastes like ass. Thai coconuts, a different animal. It's short. It's like or when you wake up in the morning, I'd never had it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just found out like the blue cigarettes, the one that we always talk about with that So now that's how they're getting you again, on that thing like it was air. You just hook up and has a USB cable you hook up to your the Jenny McCarthy one that she's pitching

1:24:39 I have never watched this. thing. They smushed you in between them. That's like, who's doing it? I mean, they were nice. I want to fucking, I want to just, I want to wear her pussy on my fucking nose. We don't do anything. walk behind her and beat off. Can I plug my special? and it premieres on Epix on this month, August the 23rd. And if you don't have Epix, it's epixhd.com

1:27:04 Do you own this? They're amazing as far as, for a comedian. I know that Sam Roberts is in town right now. Are you guys going to wanted to, because it'll be on Netflix like that anymore And they don't do that. Like, I got someone special for my opening. It's a secret, Jimmy. secret nobody gives a fuck, but I mean I just have it It was on Spike first, actually, and then it was on Comedy Central.

1:29:12 They didn't have any content issue. It was refreshing. All these fucking commercials and all these breaks and all this editing and all this censorship Why would I try to listen to a bunch of other people try to shape it because the networks realized Yeah, my last one was online. Between him and Rock and Chappelle, in doing the first one like this but also that he set the bar as far as like the uh the the expense

1:32:01 You know, you don't have to sell that much to get your money back and then it becomes So it's like, well, we made $100, but no, we only made $70 because the 30% distribution fee comes off. Well, you're on Sirius. show and it became brewer brewer's show um brewer unleashed you got to hear like people just hanging Right. you pre-tape it, That's actually

1:33:58 Talk show? One talk show, and I have I don't know. I got spoiled with radio because I'm so used to doing it that way time we had a terrible internet connection it's a pain in the dick to build something sure sure I want a werewolf in the lobby. that look like a swastika. I think the whole setup here I hate listening to myself. I think that sometimes we do three in a week.

1:36:31 No, yeah, it's 20 hours a week we do. how to keep things civil no matter what like one of my favorite disagreements with you was the jesse It was really interesting. She was a vapid jizz bag. But the video does not tell the whole story. The audio the whole story but the video cuz Opie's so OCD You said to me Yes, it is. when we are attacked by, I feel, a nation,

1:38:39 You feel that the U.S. government was behind it You're yelling. You said the F word. No, I want to solve what you said about... You know answer this question. I want to solve what you said about... I want to pull them everywhere. That's what I wanted to address. Oh. Sure you did. But you're also very liberal. I'm sick of giving them money when people here don't eat.

1:40:58 But do you really believe that we were attacked by a country? and shielded bin Laden and refused to give him to us whether press releases or what have you, and in that received death threats and was threatened by numerous people. She was called a traitor because she didn't go along with the company line. So why would you assume that they're telling you the truth

1:42:53 I get it. Yeah, we have, sure. No, I... she said that and she said help Obama I mean like I firmly believe I do think that he was there and I do being patient enough And I was originally for the Iraq war, and then I'm against it. Like I believe in pulling, get them out of Germany too. Then we should say that. I think we both know I haven't. and it's the same now it's the same way now almost 100 years later 80 fucking 80 fucking years later. And it's basically the same.

1:47:12 just honest about my opinion. Yeah. We all have that 500. Well, you're brave with your opinions I feel like with the Afghan government, again, decade or something crazy like that. Have you interviewed It's a media company. He knows them. and then they're like oh okay we got you we know what you need here son all of a sudden these old dudes are just naked

1:49:37 15th century it feels. citizens and if we want Obamacare so much money Yeah. Those people are indebted to you and then you can kind of do things. right like the reason why one world power works is because we put the whole world into sort of a There's more than Yeah, and this is and I believe a lot of it, that do as I say, not as I do shit fuck do we think the Soviets are going to do?

1:53:08 We'll take care of you. And they were like, really? But that's not true. and again i'm i'm were they doing that to american citizens for normal interactions or was it really I'll have to go over the story again. The problem is you're also asking investigators to fake an investigation. faking an investigation what else are you faking well i mean that opens the door to you faking

1:56:31 So that sort of mentality is extremely dangerous. getting it. Like I like Well, you know, sociologists have an interesting take on what's going on. maybe i just don't know okay a thousand people think about that think about what a big neighborhood And we're missing, there's like a draw of like busybodying about each other. and then you're watching, keeping up with the Kardashians, that fills the void where

1:58:32 And you're like, oh, that bitch. so much more part of that is a lot of actually probably what you're saying and some of it is There's no honest language. Oh, really? Like, laugh out loud funny. Are we going to get in trouble for this? So what they did is they had some scripted shit. Oh, God. One of these girls is a boy in party. Watch it on YouTube.

2:02:08 What they did was, where they use real people one of those movies, date movies or whatever. It feels different. I'll tell you. Because I love the Ali G show so much. very funny moments where he brings the bag of shit down like there's a lot of stuff that really He needs another like one season right I know a lot about TV production considering I can't get

2:04:33 It's like a single camera comedy about me being a comic and a sex addict. well, kind of frazzled with it. I don't get this stuff done. You're so logical about other aspects of your life. But when I'm doing bad, there's been times where literally I get home from radio at 11. Really? And I'm finally going in for a test with a new company, probably within the next few weeks.

2:06:28 It might have made the obstructive apnea a bit different, which is when your throat I make that horrible sound. But then there's times where I'm laying on my side and I'll just go... Oxygenization of the blood. for me and it will force the air in whereas most c-pap machines just are patterned so they're kind do with, is there any psychological But when I am constantly fucking getting that dopamine drip, like, I literally was recently,

2:09:09 So, you know, the sexual shit, like the jerking off didn't start until I was like 10 or 12 or whatever it was. because when I come yeah when I bit I don't know exactly what that is I don't have so this is but this is and understand it and don't go, Of course, I don't do those things but sexual shit is thought and it's like food is really hard You could do it in America, but it's not legal,

2:11:07 It's not a drug. And it's one of the best cures ever that. saying that there was rumors that Ed Muskie It's incredibly physically addictive. Intellectually, I know what I have to do. but I think you're thinking of a completely different effect Yeah, absolutely. lust is weird, but I like it. And I make enough money where I can, that you could ever just sort of manage it?

2:14:00 I don't want to be obsessed with it and making it my whole point of existence. Have you been there yet? I wouldn't really want that, though. But I'll tell you what I like about the movies. relate to the cock in it. But when it's Oh. Oh, fucking, Yeah, you can get numb. Right. You gave up on it real quick. I can't do it. do you remember what it was like when you first got on stage?

2:16:48 Do you think you still would be after 21 years? And literally, after I shot Please Be Offended, which was over a year ago in Cleveland, I wasn't happy with it. I knew it wasn't going to happen. Like, what's wrong with you, you fuck? How many years? Like, I loved doing it. I don't have a problem with drinking or with drugs, because I'm objective, because I look at myself

2:19:08 i just you're so much different than you were when you were 18 too all right that's very true but knowing how the fuck I got there. And I don't miss it. And, like, for you, it's cool. hits of that, I would just look at the microphone. I can think about things deeply without any help. Cause Carl Sagan is one of my favorite science cats. It's probably correct.

2:21:53 It took me until I was 30 before I realized that pot even worked for me. like I care about people and that's what people who don't have an addiction It focuses you on something outside Like I had to be in a public and just fucking sit, nothing real, You can, Like, even if it's I'm watching Black Sabbath videos. This guy's a fucking crazy gangster. do you not get turned on by that? That's not him. Is that him? Yeah. That's not the image I was

2:25:13 I'm not where I want to be, but I'm much better than I was. We'd just sit back to back like a fucking rom-com poster. They don't care after a while. too though it's like to me it's maybe five or six times a day but it's that might like those cam I did the, of lotion still on my hand the lotion off your hands. Give it to the guy at Starbucks. He's not going to thank you for the tip anyway. You guys are Good boy. Good for you. Fuck that. Yeah, fuck washing the lotion off your hands.

2:26:52 I'm not sexual. Oh, yeah. jerk off and I don't even bother cleaning up. Just like the banks of a fucking polluted river. on track, huh? Absolutely, because I think it shouldn't be comfortable, and it's like a little safety it's like a little security blanket where it shouldn not be stagnating. And it permits me to be comfortable where I shouldn't be comfortable. And it's like a little safety,

2:28:14 He would love that. Do you still like that shit? Absolutely, man. Why does it have to be an obsession? It's grabbing for everything and then shoving it into my fucking face and then crying that I have a stomachache. But you've got enough discipline to work out and lose all this weight. At one point, a couple years ago, a few years ago, I was in the 180s.

2:30:00 You got that under control. Dr. Phil said that. It's funny, my mother Hang it in there. that was even, right? That was a California poker tournament. And Opie stepped on Ed Asner's cake, theoretically. Those shows that you guys used to do, how come you guys stopped doing them, those big The thing about Sirius I like is the guests we can get are much better

2:32:00 I probably could find out, but I don't ask. I don't even know how we'd find that out because there's no Arbitron Diaries. I think through a lot of times they could do listener surveys, which I guess worked I think you'd have a huge podcast. I like to snipe. I'm the fucking sniper But I think if the three of you bailed together, So, and how does that work?

2:33:40 and see if they like it. And before that, what was it, Justin TV? And had professional microphones and cameras. He was hammered. And I'm fucking jerking off, and I can't get myself to fucking motivate. Start and don't finish. green screen he could switch the background and turn it into whatever the fuck he wanted which Yeah, obviously, but then Rich would intellectually just take it and make it so much better as well.

2:36:18 Well, that's what a podcast is. Nah, they have him five nights a week now. would have access to a lot of really fascinating people by doing something like that i think so yeah that's the i think you know what would be? If you did like a Bob Costas type thing. I want to do sketches too that I pre-shoot. Absolutely. Yeah. Just say whatever I want to.

2:38:09 Right. But they can. I only watched a couple episodes of The Wire. I thought so, yeah. Where did you record that? Would you really? Yeah, her womb was a terror camp. And if you get the trial online, you can watch it whenever you want. Yes. And you're a really fun guy. really important, and I think it was really important whether it's blog to blog or Twitter to Twitter,

2:40:58 something and then you say something and you know when you communicate with each All right, first before you even use your credit card information. Can I put up a date real quick?