Joe Rogan Experience #386 — Joey "CoCo" Diaz Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. Got no choice. You know, this was the plan 12 years ago, and finally, you know, it ain't no. You know, it's funny because I went from the two fucking tremendous shows we did in Boston, which. That's a lot of fun All those guys from Boston The comedian from Boston Oh, my God. They're like, we'll get you in there. Kevin Knox on Mondays.

2:08 Boston and they accept you into that community. with Russell Peters, who was a pleasure to fucking see, and Angela Johnson and all those guys. can't remember his name i ran out of room i ran out of room for names it's no disrespect people came up, and there was two gay guys at the table, and they go, he doesn't like Joe Rogan. and they would take me up there so

3:52 Really? And it's true. The city of D.C., downtown, improv is tits. The staff, I've done theaters there before What, there? really blew my fucking mind. They're ready What was out there The Louisville place Tremendous Yeah, with Segura No, with Duncan six, seven hours. I did that at the Louisville place with Duncan. I think I did one night and a weekend or something like that.

6:01 I mean, like the people out there. It's kind of like what you've talked about. What? They just gave up. And it's based off statistics given by Pornhub. Cream Pie is like number one. Yeah, imagined. Cream Pie is like number one. I don't know what the map looks like. That shit's creepy. Yeah. No, no. Where we're like, Not just a couple Hey, listen. If you're a chick and you love dick, tell me that like that, together. Hey, listen.

9:28 If you had, like, Ashton Kutcher in your butt and Brad Pitt in your box, why you share it with ashton well because you're a freak and you want it all she has no limitations the... Oh, that's the style Like, yeah, you got the queen. they can't wait to see some more butt porn. Kind of like when you drink the same alcohol for so long, So it's like some like,

11:22 gets to fuck her. That chick that did a porn He had sex with her. Somebody posted it on the underground and it was it's really fucking sad. I mean he's dying Well, we were talking about that yesterday So for a lot of fighters, get your face stitched up, needles are not going to freak you out. But it was hilarious for me And so he got hit here and Ray Mercer just unloads on him. to be the best fighter. He always wanted to be the white fighter. So he rooted for Jerry Cooney.

14:21 Because it was so choppy. But anyway, and a 22-year-old All-American Shoot the fucking DECA. Ray Mercer was a fucking murderous puncher back then. And then he hit him two more times, full clip after that. And he could take it too, man. That's the game of AIDS, those punches, dog. He got AIDS, dog. That fucked him up. I don't know. Too early, right?

17:05 What was the black guy in that movie? Come on, Tommy. Next to Sylvester Blowing the limo Fuck you bitch That's what I do. This is the final scene Oh, Rocky punched him a bunch of times in the back of the head. Uh-oh, now Tommy's coming back. the Spanish version? Look at me. Rhode Island. It must be. You don't know. You really are a baby. New Hampshire's filled with a lot of fucking people that don't want to hear the government's

21:10 that's what that's not cold enough for you you need to go further because when we would do gigs 1995, where do you get something to eat? walk there. And if We forget about that. I just got an email from John Shuler. And some of them were really fun. It was the only place in Hartford. There wasn't any back in the day. It was a good one. If anything happens, run to your room and contact the bar manager.

24:21 and made them hook small time, and they had a strip club. This shit, they had gambling stuff. a Montana, They don't fuck, but that's not Rock Spring. How do they look, Joe? Oh, yeah, yeah. Who gives a fuck? Pull it up. They're providing an extra... Okay. Look at this. It's incredible. Yeah. Dominic Fig Comic. I mean, it's insane it's like what what were they thinking building houses there first of all that's like beautiful for most of the time but fuck man if there's a possibility what but it

28:02 This is my house. Yeah, but you would have a bigger gamble having a house on the mountain, like with the fires that you had. and it's just big enough. if it's the right time of year, the right amount of Santa Ana winds kicking in, shit, man. Wind, man. No. And 20 years ago, I remember being in Jersey, hanging out, playing wiffle ball, and within In three years, guess what?

30:49 and it's going to go down to fucking every four years, Well, there was a great western inland sea there. It makes you fucking think. Did you hear about that kid? and wouldn't let go. has clamped a hold of your head while you're sleeping? Are there fucking sharks Yeah The boy lived because his friends of the water, but they saw him. They saw him get

33:29 I would imagine that a lot of fish are going to be in real trouble, Apparently, you can get away with a little bit. there's a fucking hole in the earth that's filled with radioactive shit and it's leaking into the For fucking sure. And don't they rely on fish? They're born with no ears okay now that's real it's like fish sharknado zombie fish sharknado no but i mean like the

36:15 No, Godzilla was a creation because of the atomic bomb, supposedly. Those are good movies that you saw the string, and it fucked your world up. Yeah. Godzilla's like 500 feet high. There goes Tokyo. Play that. the smog monster, remember? Oh my God, it's amazing. You were just amazed that they could that was the best. That was the best that was the best that

39:09 clay animals that they created. Yeah, it's like people got fucked up. Look at that. So back then, this was the greatest fucking thing the world had ever known. The guys getting up they're trying to figure out what happened They would have a movie, and they would have a real lizard. and then they have to add in this killer spider. Yeah. I don't know.

41:42 The invention of the TV. that got invented that not Jackie Gleason but the other guy. Slavery became illegal in 1865. Western Union was huge. You had to go and this reveals the possibility for inventors to transform images into electronic signals. look how fucking stupid I am, It was, yeah, it was some crafty cat. And that is where Russian You know, when you go back

44:58 You had to go to the woods. When I saw that on Discovery, I was blown the fuck away, people. Wasn't meth used in, like, World War II? I'm just telling you what the fuck. so before he could invent the camera and get the electronic wave, Holy fucking shit. Did you know that? You know what's crazy? His sister used to sell him his black beauties. And it was an amphetamine?

48:16 And I would sell them for $35 to $100 to the wrestlers at a dollar a piece. them open and snorting those motherfuckers. I was a junior in high school. They were selling drugs. The father was like he was a moonshine runner, which is kind of crazy. he would pick me up we'd drive like an hour and a half and we'd go into this room these college Before the computer nerd, this is what nerds did.

50:39 Meanwhile, I remember them going, our dad sent this money. I remember the T-Tops thing. just a complete different world That was authentic. I remember how big of a feud it was. Like, you had to throw down. Yeah, that's it. Look how badass that car was. seen some some custom really cool spray painted onesainted ones. You know, like, what's it called? Airgun.

53:19 There was a dude with a sword and, you know, Why go to a hotel? And it was all ugly. They airbrush vans. fucking cool pictures out there. I bet if I look up Frazetta, Airbrush Frazetta. That's Taylor. The Fantastic Four. Yeah. I'm trying to think of some of the other names. Did you ever have a van, Joey? And then, yeah, I got fired. it's strange when you see stuff that's still there.

57:01 I paid a fine. At that time, I was doing a forced, like, a settlement-type deal. I drove a van when I was about, I guess I was about 18. And so after a while, I made a little bit of cash with this fucking venture. And so the only way I could really think of before I made money on teaching was deliver newspapers. you just get up and do it i applied for a paper route one time like going to the eighth grade i

59:12 about it. This is one of those it's fucking, you know, 18 inches of snow, that East Coast snow. And Joe Rogan. Lombard Street. I walk over there and it's fucking, that loop with the people's what I'm making for you, 40 bucks. Like I fucked up a lot of cars. And you think you know what the fuck you're spinning. You just go into a tailspin. I dented so many cars.

1:01:32 terrible video, not this one, Oh, this guy just crossed and, oh, my God. And he has to cross over. Boom. That's a big deal. Like that in any other situation would be a devastating impact. I know. Oh, look at this guy spinning out. 82, Route 82. This is fucking scary. you might see one of those crazy pileups in 10 years of driving. like, what the fuck?

1:04:14 you got yourself in that. You know, there's some places where when you're there like especially in the winter there's like a weird hopelessness there's This is too much. let me think, bro. got arrested in Harlem because he Harlem, has Harlem been gentrified? He didn't just have a tiger. Right. And then remember when, Yeah, at a haberdashery That's when you're a gentleman.

1:07:24 It was one of those movies by that director that fucking died. in the doctor's office, And she's telling him that one night while he was away, she fucked a sailor. Then they released it. elite sort of a cult. hung out with Callan, But they're supposed to be the people that not, like, totally up on this, because these really were the rothschilds and they this is really how they were rolling

1:10:09 the idea is that these type of people, and kill her in front of everybody, It's like a big deer mask. back then Everybody has masks, so even if you do kill a bitch, nobody knows who killed her. At those things Blood test It's gotta be something I mean, what was the movie, the comeback movie for him way back in, you know, like with Morgan Yes. Or toasts it.

1:12:52 and just kills everybody. Maybe we'll watch it in Milwaukee. But that creepy shit where they have the parties But, you know, listen, man, when you have money in the billions, I can't imagine. Fidel used to do that. Next day, a fucking car comes to the house, picks your wife up, He was just steel wise? Well, that's a dictator. Listen, I can see you talking three people.

1:15:07 no air conditioning, a new fucking life. and come back to the compound. Branch Davidians. But this was 2007. And you buy it. In today's world, I would take her parents to fucking court. He has to consent. They're all on Facebook jumping up and down. Yeah. Well, it's amazing when they study cults how the same sort of pattern plays itself out. And they fuck like 17-year-olds

1:18:00 The people I'm talking about. Oh, God. I don't know. It's a nickname, apparently. I thought it was Recent use. Yeah, wow. Yeah, it's a church. he's got a church. We could all get approved. I know. I don't know. it's worked out really good whatever their group of She took over as Stephen Dwarf. Ew, it's so gross. Really? She's beautiful. I gotta come see your kid. When I was eating

1:21:47 I got to go over there and visit Jenny McCarthy. She's great. You know? Let's go to that bedroom. she writes fucking books when I moved to LA No, on MTV they gave her a show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody. What was the chick? Bam. Yeah, man. You know, now she's 50, she's 40. Now they would, like, encourage that shit. I mean, she put out a music album. Yeah, what was that?

1:25:02 Wow. She's out of somewhere. Remember that? She is from Millwood, New York She's She's got a couple kids. There you go, right there. Yeah, we can't show that. I remember that. Last Starfighter? and creepy. K.E. And like He was the main guy in it, right? Is that who it is? That was a great fucking movie. That was the first big movie they gave Stephen Bauer after Scarface.

1:28:52 Oh, that's right. There's a couple of them, but when he walks up on them, His father is played by Frank Lopez from Scarface. And he goes, I got to drop something on you. You might have to salute me someday. That was Frank Lopez's... I got nowhere else to go. Remember after 9-11? people ain't gonna be not flying planes into buildings because you're really

1:31:50 He was selling clean belt buckles. Is he? Remember? Good dude. He was a fan of comedy. Plummer. I mean, he's still working. Denver when you're dead. That scene, the two Cullors. they had a good time Yeah, man. one night after the show Fuck yeah, he was in Roots. He goes, you're not thinking about shit. That's the guy from Good Times. Oh, that's incredible.

1:35:38 For some gay foundation, the people. He made Jim Brown the president of his company. It makes you scared because you know that there's parts of that Well, what about the time But that's what people don't know is drinking, and Mitchie you changed listen man i remember being 16 and going I would just into the void I still remember that shit. Coke? Oh, my God.

1:38:59 Me and my girlfriend at the time are going to her brother's wedding, He held that piss like a soldier. Who the fuck cares? Vanessa Redgrave? The lady in Yes, she does. When Gene Wilder calls for her. When Gene Wilder calls Kelly LeBrock and Woman in Red shows her pussy for a slip second. No. I had the cocaine hidden in the sink. It says, lets her dress fly and shows her red hot panties. right? That's the idea? No, she gets up off the bed. It says, lets her dress fly and shows her red hot panties.

1:41:02 Gene Wilder. Lady in Red. He started beating her, remember? What? Come on now. Steven Seagal... Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What's the move with the Jamaicans when he went to the mall We need to find out Take a guess Never Say Never Again. Damn, this motherfucker's done a lot of movies. fight scenes in a movie where dude was like slapping guys arms down and and fucking knuckling

1:44:33 There you go. They cheer for white people smacking the fuck. Yes. right about above the law. Me and Tommy Jr. and his girl, we went to a theater in the middle of Philly. There was maybe like three other white people. There's dudes who are artists. If it's funny, it's brilliant. I saw a Clint Eastwood marathon in San Francisco on the Tenderloin when Clint Eastwood tells the guy to pick up the gun

1:47:02 Did you see Planet of the Apes? You wouldn't go see the, was it Jason Statham? That dude who played Did you ever see that movie? throw a picture And he went crazy, right? your spot. Like everyone in Malibu's You know what the worst thing about those pills are? No, I don't like that stuff. But I was never really an opiate The Oxycontin Express. You might as well pull it off the street and do a little bump.

1:49:44 When you show up with a fucking dab and a pipe and a fucking torch and shit like that, Well, that's what people are always doing. I like, you know what I like about rolling a joint, man? The ritual. oxycodone pills than every other state in the country combined. Wouldn't it be cool if they had an app to show where people are sober? three years behind. That there is somebody right

1:51:41 got to be somebody selling coke on Twitter. whatever it's too late people know about it the government knows about it it's all over the news Of course. you're not going to go on there as Joey Diaz and say crazy You know them, but this He went to jail because he convinced a girl that her vagina was haunted That dude is a pimp, and you're hating. You're hating on that guy. I'd give that guy the key to the cityorcism. What a brilliant man. Come on, man. That dude is a pimp, and you're hating.

1:54:18 That's a great idea. Poor gal. That really is funny, man. So he convinced her because the ghosts in her vagina were preventing her boss from falling in love with her. and say, well, Your Honor, what I told her You'd be like, get your lunchbox and get the fuck out. Okay. Smell it. Nah, they can't fart out like that. Into anything. just stay in the the whole fucking

1:57:09 You could walk out of there with a little leash. Well, you have to have and then his girlfriend Right, at least one. i've got to come up with $7,500 for my... that's the people you gotta be scared of those are the people you gotta be scared of well i think And you shoot your guns with Clinton. Yeah, you're right. It was like Alex Jones' one of his first videos.

2:00:03 used to take a person and light them on fire. This alex jones he's much younger i was there ladies This is... You would believe Is there a woman Just knowing No, it's in California. Tell me where this happened so I can avoid this fucking neighborhood. Alex Jones of Bohemian Grove, live, famous footage. in this very weird ritual like who would want to participate in this

2:02:51 See, that's so much better. Oh, yeah. Was that the guy, the love bug? No. he said, if I were to choose the speech Yeah. where, like, these old, rich, elite guys Yeah. Obviously Reagan and Nixon are both gone now, 2,700 acre compound in Monte Rio, California for two weeks of heavy drinking, are told that weaving spiders come not here, meaning He thinks you're talking about Bohemian Rhapsody.

2:06:57 Yeah. 70? movie trailer that was pulled that you were in. Yeah, yeah. That looked really good, actually. You had making me nervous. Life becomes too real. I saw that movie trailer that was pulled that you What is it? Oh. He gets paid to do it. They tap in the week before the movie gets released The movie is out before... And they were these VHS tapes.

2:09:21 I don't know why. And they're in a corner. Yeah, that was real common. You know, they had that crazy Eddie story. Why even start? He took me to a building in Harlem. Like, wow. You know, it was probably headed to Ikea or something like that. When I was a kid, fucking the trains would move Honda Mini Trails. the area like a water. And you would go down there and somebody would jump on the train,

2:12:14 And you take three or four of them, keep one, sell three of them. You could sell it for whatever the fuck you want. to buy something that was stolen? He had two dildos the other day, and I'm like, wow, these are like brand new. You got another crazy name. And I'm like, but it's not. No. and you're like, holy shit, that was the hooker house. Yeah. if there is a place in,

2:14:52 The haunted aspect of it? Famous Boulevard. a sacred place that strip is like where you leave and where you come back this is very old-fashioned can start out there you're chasing. That's also comic Are you crazy? But why is he? Like, it just hit me like Jesus. No. It's not just stand-up. I did the podcast. like, seriously, Joey Diaz is doing his podcast there.

2:18:18 This is not negative. street, that nutty energy I don't know if it's true, but that was the rumor always, Is that true? There's a lot of shit down there. That would be terrifying. So he was sleeping on the stage. And he was like, and He told it on stage. It was like a Halloween show. We had in the main room It was fucking great. He was like and so I'm on stage and I hear clink clink clink

2:20:31 two hands grabbed his legs and dragged him It's a great story. What do you mean? and I was standing by that thing there, waiting I didn't do you know how you wore I never felt nobody. like old band music something right now has The big mistake they're going to do is they're going to knock that down and build something over it. How many people died and didn't make it as comics?

2:23:01 People that are straight, legit people say, in those buildings A fucking black kid, He lives in that fucking building there. She's at the Ha Ha Cafe. Screaming and yelling. We haven't OD'd. I'm a fucking fat walking to the store, To the Standard That's the guy, yeah. They told me to go to the laugh at you. That's where you went on Tuesdays all day he's talking,

2:25:48 Barris have this thing where Callen's mouth against his cock. It's huge. That's what I understand. I mean, you could always get rich. Like, look how big this is, honey. Joey Dan's at the Ice House? Yes. He's not going to. And Dos Anjos against Cowboy Cerrone. Yes. People ever We're gonna have a fucking Appreciate the fuck out of you guys the nicest people, period, just humans.

2:29:08 Just put deodorant on. They want to touch you. They kept the line going. a picture with us and get to meet us. D.A.! I'm like, I can't. Well, that's the UFC, too. to get fucking armbarred you go to the Fan Expo, one great thing out of it with nobody. You went, it was all from memory. He signed the t-shirt. Big fucking deal. Carlos Frank Mir against Babyface Assassin

2:32:03 The one that lost to Aldo in Brazil Oh, Jesus. We got a card. Barnett versus Mir. throwing sidekicks for Jesus. How about Donald Cerrone? That kid's wild, man. This is going to be a great weekend. And he got the idea from doing it from performing on podcasts, from getting on our podcast. acoustic only CD. he pulled me into the car and said, No, I think it is out.

2:34:57 And I think House of Pain is amazing. What is that song, Little Miss America? It's way more emotional and touching. I'm going to Ohio, Columbus, Ohio who they are. Listen,