Joe Rogan Experience #392 — David Choe Transcript

Transcript

0:00 And I'm like, what, like, that takes this kind of guy that you're talking about, the hitman kind of guy. Right. fucked and okayed it the guy probably wrote it in yeah he wrote it smile on his face so he's The guy was trying to fuck you in the butt every day. You know, maybe you actually You're with her, and then you can't get it up, Rape is violence.

2:54 the rapist trying to think of like something to get him hard to rape the guy yeah it's an I met a couple guys along the way that were like really crazy. tell everybody he was in jail so he had this crazy story about you know being away and helping Yeah, he came out an animal. in my ass because, because I've been to jail a few times, you know, I've never done hard

5:19 I have a friend that's Japanese, a little Japanese guy that went to jail. So if everyone likes Asian chicks and then male rapists want Asian dudes? We're smaller than. this well i think about it when i get go to court and they go you're going to jail you know how many times you've been in jail uh i've been maybe five times most of them like just a week or a day and

7:17 In my mind, I made it up very early on. I know what you're saying. I never push that bitch. I'm very nice. It's not like I have to respond to things Because I think that as a person, oftentimes we have a lot of intensely built up stress Right. So I'll paint and I'll just pick up a... Thank you very much for the werewolf that you made me. To me, it was so fun, like the old creepy and eerie and all those and and dude you

10:30 Yeah, exactly. Like, A, I get ridiculously sick before the show. then too but just in general anytime like i i have a lot of anxiety with being like in front of And then you just get comfortable. shit that like i hate like i have a hard time throwing stuff away. And people are like, hey, you're an artist. Oh, that's very cool. that you were nervous the first time you did it because you were so calm and normal and relaxed

14:08 That's how I do art. the zen meditation shit of just thinking about nothing, And I think they do that for the Stern Show too, me a second where that nervous i puke it out first then i calm down and then in the same way where There's, like, the Dan Carlin type podcast, which we were talking about last night with Wayne Fetterman, Like we vary. Right.

16:37 Right. i shouldn't say this and that'll that'll stop them from advertising you know hiccups fucking And so then I go see a therapist and I'm like, I don't even know if this is for me. Like, I don't have to make money doing anything. show um and actually it's still up if anyone's in mexico city and wants to see it it's at the So it's like I haven't painted in four years.

20:26 Fill that up with the screen. Now I can make exactly what I see in my head come out. in copenhagen every year called mad symposium and it's like a food conference you know it's they broke your trip button no it's crazy man like i don't know what way you're tripping But it's, if I just close my eyes like that time before you fall asleep and I just lay there,

23:13 And since then, it opened something inside me. and i wrote everything down and said you need to do this Wow. And I wrote everything down and said, you need to do this, this, and this. And it gave me instructions of all the shit I need to do for the rest of my and it's, were not in the same room right and i'd say well show me what it looks like right uh you know if

25:04 And if you could absorb another just draw this guy's own dick going into his own butt we're all admitting that we're experiencing the same uncomfortable moment right so here's It's just like, cool, this is happening. it's very bold oh really it's like it's got bravado to it, like you're wearing a cape. Every time. Or like when I'm laying down and then like five women are just giving me a massage just using their tongues.

28:42 I'm like, I'm like, I don't I don't know what that is. It's not the name of a place. And so they start spinning around. leave it to the crafty asians always figuring out something it's unbelievable you're talking i do i do i am a student of tantra have you ever had a soapy where you're on a raft Right. Who's teaching them? It's Vegas times 1,000. Oh, my God.

32:35 China, if you ever thought China is going to run the world, yes. And then you say America and what do they say? Whoa. They don't like to pull out. A boy. enough women so that they need to do filipino mail-order bride thai mail-order bride and what asian dudes get a chinese guy well it seems like a recipe for fucking chaos because it doesn't seem could be doing is just setting up their entire country to like change the tone of the country

36:17 It'll be the best comedy he's ever done in his life. Give me a fucking break. And I told the guy, he goes, you know, massage or massage? Give me a ramen. And then a sort of, like, milfy, older, not that attractive, but, you know, got some weird milf vibe. Like one chick was like, do you want a head scalp massage? a lot was going on but then she goes to the other leg and this time she grabs my balls i go that's

38:50 she's just playing with my balls right there getting hard so i feel the firm bottoms of your feet. I want to toe shake with you. I'm getting a sexual act while other people are like manicuring me, you know? And we're going to get the team together and assess where we go from here. the thigh massage ladies for the most part and they all have different

40:59 do it again i know what i'm doing and i go no no i want her she's like they start speaking in I'm the guinea pig of the girl that gets trained on how to give a thigh massage. It was amazing, and it was nothing close to sexual for them. but the freaky chicks that listen to me they hear me say a story like this and then they're like And she goes, first thing was, no more podcast.

43:13 They're not, you know. Well, what's happened is I've turned into, like, when guys look at a chick and they're like, she's a slut. don't you get sick of it dave no you know why they say don't you get sick of it they want you What? This is coming from They're like, For whatever reason. And it's not a knock on AT&T. whatever reason, everybody else to be exactly like them, or it becomes uncomfortable.

45:04 And you know what? You're going to fuck a girl? I don't give a shit. Another sex story? very nice guy right so aren't those well those bases are covered then why what what difference i'm gonna do some i'm gonna do some asian math for you oh jesus i'm 80 happy 80 of my life i'm happy with how i'm living it what Don't have to give that up to, you know.

47:24 Either or. Right. it doesn't matter and the real problem What? Dude, I got attacked by the transgender. you keep the hottest supermodels you're gonna start letting I see fucking blue snakes in this room right now. But I get to Mexico. I can see you entering through bead doors. He's old school. That's hilarious. two blocks from my studio and to contact me she has to throw rocks or lighters or sticks at my window.

51:00 So that feels regular. They need traction. She's like, I'm not taking my socks off. I'm like, oh, like black guys. And she goes, no, like Woody Allen. And I go, oh, I don't. to take my socks off the first time we did it. The lights were off. She's like, I'm not taking my socks off. So I'm fucking her I'm starting to, david cho and one night because she loves drinking she's a hard drinking mexican

53:02 i know now i i I cut my nails. So I go home and I spend hours cleaning my hands because I want a finger. you in the middle of the night she has an extra piece that only comes out sometimes uh you would She said it, and immediately my brain goes, oh my God, I'm going to lose my boner right now. I was like, what are you talking about? Is that even how it works that a penis is inside the vagina?

55:04 Her clit was fine. Did you, like, look this up, So this is a hermaphrodite. Where it comes out. That's how you're going to bring it up. She's constantly fucking herself. It's not what I thought it is. She's a beautiful girl. She's cute. That might be a little hot then i'm like i found the perfect man woman because I could rape you if I wanted Right

57:28 we'd just be hanging out with each other. If you were really friends, you'd jerk each other other off that's true no just trapped on an island it's not just whether or not, of your life on this deserted island occasionally one of you gets a boner well come on man can you Oh, I'm amazing. Jesus Christ, how hard would it be? Is it gay to get a massage?

59:34 You don't ever go to a guy. it you're a manly man i'm a savage when it comes to thai massages no they're when they step on Right. But you had the conversation in your head, right? We fucked a couple of times, but it was just because I owed him money. Oh, okay. And so I never got massages when I was competing. like that style of massage where you would just fuck trigger release they would just pinch down

1:02:17 And I was like, shit, I feel like shit, I should get a massage. Well, it's like I had a problem of getting boners every time I got a massage, Not your type? Ben Gazzari? Oh, my God. Wait. And then he puts the oil on and he starts massaging my butt. Like please stop doing that and then he kept doing it. I was like, all right place was open really late though and it but it looked really nice outside you know so i was like

1:05:39 I don't even keep boxers on all the time now just in case if you know, the girls really hot that's cool think so I think I don't. Nice. I was freaked out. Nice. No, because I didn't want to be rude. I'm really good now at what you said. I should have done that. No, seriously, I didn't. She's not in my spank bank. I live in Koreatown. They go fucking crazy.

1:08:40 That's good, legit massage. And my way of dealing with that whole thing with me puking before going on shows is I started getting massages. just the mama song the she's like i'm like oh i'll just come back and she's like no no just come And then, you know, she flips me over and starts jerking me off. If you're like, what could they be doing different?

1:10:31 And you were like 12. I'm like, whoa. be rejected it's bad on both fronts and just and just like i got a break i'm like i could cut out right now right right i'm like i should leave and then the negotiation And I go, okay. it's it's cool she go this lady's fate and it's a dark room she doesn't give a she's a trained day besides the part where when I was a kid then I put a vacuum cleaner on my

1:13:29 Five seconds to shoot. She sucked my butthole. I go in the car and I go, I can never talk about this day. It went from a totally legit place to... If she gave me some kind of massage, I would probably... That's so dark. Here's the thing. And it's like in this society, there's a lot of crying. You know? They're cool. on you being a nice person, Is that one of the most important issues to concentrate on?

1:17:24 Christopher Ryan? The guys that wrote the sex at dawn?, so there's a lot of weird religious shit. Christopher Ryan? Okay, so I went to the extreme version of that. In Afghanistan, you don't even see the eyes. my girl don't fucking look at her and and you go back to this whole thing with insecurity. that are westerners calligraphy style i love that shit and they go hey if you if we go to the roof right now we could see

1:19:47 It's like, think about how much pussy Think about being a horny, horny Arab kid, Those weird levels of intense religious control. There's some crazy reaction to it, I don't believe in sluts. hold out until you can be monogamous I have some of those robots like the shittier ones and they're That's too freaky right now. When you're dealing with things

1:22:13 That's not going to be the case 50 years from now. But that will help overpopulation, don't you think? lived in really big places. Hurry up, doctors, with that rubber fake robot pussy. What's Grand Theft Auto on right now? and keep shooting their vaginas and I would play like Mickey Mouse and the little kid video games. How old is this kid? It'll look exactly like you.

1:25:26 that was akin to the NVIDIA technology Yeah, the robot, the physical. Yes. Her friends were totally normal. And I could be with a couple of our friends. these these like movie star people they're just fucking people man they're just fucking people I love that movie. Yeah, she had that look with her hair and everything. I can't remember it now. like mainstream tmz type pressure you get is very non-existent or minimal you just enjoy it you

1:28:32 What was that movie? you're you're supercharging your system it's like putting a blower on a mustang and revving the That's what I'm saying. My best drawing. She's almost nervous to tell me this. It was never resolved. Like, she falls asleep. I don't sleep at all. And I had three or four days left in Mexico, you know? And every night. no don't think just fuck me and i'm like is it a thing that comes out like this like alien yeah

1:32:08 No closure. She doesn't want... Well, what does it feel like? She's a great girl. No problem. Oh, my God. But it's not like you did some sort of a chromosomal test. You can get a cyst. that say they don't listen to you, but they do. If you don't want to listen, don't listen. she doesn't she doesn't like follow me on Twitter or Facebook or any of this shit.

1:35:29 That's pretty fucked up, though. guess it could be funny crying go I never ever told David Cho god damn it it Oh, there you go. I'm starting to think about having kids without the wife part. What? I'm like, you could get the pee hole. You're such a pussy, bro. She put on a nice necklace. first time i was like this is disgusting it's my favorite food now it took me a second i get to

1:38:52 give me a second to just open wider and accept your mustache your hairy ass your dick in your I spit it out. That's the real problem. He's crazy. Right. You crack open the end and you just. They say that sugar is just. Well, it was back in the 80s. I go to the bathroom. How rude. It was before that. that's what it is. male balls covered in hair And then people, whether they admit it or not,

1:42:25 Right? You trim your shit or you just let it grow out? Yeah, that's not good. And like, yeah, for the most part, you look down for a second and you're like, wow, people shave their shit. Their pubes are longer than their dicks. In Japan, they don't watch American pornography, I'm telling you it's coming back. They probably heard that crabs were going extinct and they got sad.

1:44:53 No, the ones that grow in your bush. Yeah. You know, they're just going for it, doing everything. But do you hang out with a lot of artists in general? Most people that are highly, highly creative are sort of... Every comedian that I know is out of their fucking mind. look like and down to the costumes and there's gonna be a lion and this and did Hey, Dave.

1:47:10 speaking normal. England. They can understand Americans. Everyone in England can understand us. He's like, oh, fucking doors. I'm not trying really hard. I get offended. But English people and Irish people, they talk faster. There was a UFC there. as to what he was saying. You bring me me. You got all these actors that have that accent, right? They could turn that shit off.

1:50:40 Oh, fuck yeah. The cop cars are designed to absorb bombs. I like trying stand-up, something I've never done before. to do you'd have to do a lot a lot like for a year years years if you want to be safe if you You're going to get hurt. Okay, okay. You've been really lucky. And any unnecessary head trauma that you want to introduce into your life, I always trauma is just no joke. And any unnecessary head trauma

1:52:52 and has never had Okay. me that he could easily rape me i would would like to be able to defend him. Okay, so I appreciate the concern for the head trauma because I've had been extremely damaged in my head before. there's too many variables. Will you train me? And you're going to have like the same level. No, I just want to, But I have the X factor.

1:54:42 I'm tough, I'm ferocious. responsibility with the butthole things going on. Well, here's the thing. Like, Koreans usually have bigger heads. you would want to do is dedicate yourself to martial arts first yeah before you ever actually What belt did you get? You're not a novice. It just came right back to me because your your body develops as a young man

1:57:43 that was that you know well it's not hard to break your ankle or your collarbone doing any of those things, That's how people injure themselves often. Why is that? wild dude do you have any one thing that like stands out as being the the i don't where just everyone just catches me jerking off all the time. i'm just talking no no no i know but you're right like i would go home and i'd just be full of

2:00:44 I just went there i'm So, you know, the collarbones break and then the bones just heal like this. It could be worse, though. And I'm not scared to be humiliated either. That's good. And this is something I'm probably not going to do, but just wanted to throw it out to see what your thoughts on it were. the temple and he got fucked up man he went down hard, just totally knocked unconscious, fucked up for a long time.

2:03:27 Start a real training thing. Oh, of course. them the possibility of massive trauma But. of places to go. And it's every single place I could die you know and it's like there's nothing about You're just dead. the face the way I know I can do to somebody. I would never want someone who knows how to strangle That's all nice and good, but if you get a guy who actually knows how to fight, you're

2:06:46 I'm like a fucking, I'm a modern day. with someone who, you know, experience this and it'll probably make us I understand. to protect yourself just do it you just shut the fuck up dude seriously i'm trying to help the guy I've been in fights before, Joe. I've had the living shit I've done it three times now and anyone who wants something dangerous.

2:09:23 Right. doing it let's just say it's a thing of beauty I mean he's a fucking artisan in Right. long would you want a year if you could do a year you could get a lot done yeah but you would have alright fine I wouldn't want to fight Yoshi don't like to preach but there's one issue that i get sensitive about and is that's the You're just willing to take that risk.

2:11:58 You know, if you get fucked up, hopefully a body shot, somebody hooks you to the liver and you just tap out immediately. How dare you? I think it's inside. I think it's not functional and it'd be fun. ovaries are fairly common in the intersex. I suppose I could propose one far-fetched scenario where I mean, if you think about it, people are not the same.

2:13:45 Great question. It's not a punchline. RFL yeah what if the dude Do you think that's like a rebound from the strict Korean way of being raised? Uncle Dave's, he's, you know. And he thinks, I'm like, I think I'm the most normal person because I just, I live like how I think you're supposed to live. people that are successful. If you don't, there's something wrong with you.

2:16:32 My advice is for people who don't want to be like... I've made tons of money doing art, gambling. he was 23 or 24 at the time. you're a sick fuck like me i need to get a painting from you but i'm being sued right now i can't myspace i was never on any of these things i said you know what i believe in this kid so i took the the top chefs i've been out of this game like he's like dave you should go and so i'm like what am

2:19:51 insane like like he'll put this in front of you and you're like what is this and it's like this I mean, they, first of all, they're all angry. taco that has korean meat like they're challenging the norm they're challenging society and and and he keeps opening it so it was about all these it was sort of like on a serious topic like the Yeah, she started a blog about how people are starving and everyone's crying and clapping.

2:23:02 What does that mean? what did you say brian korean poo wine what is that it's something in korea pool wine they come to america what did you say brian korean poo wine what is that spaghetti, tacos, all this Like what, I'm going to make this guy live cut the thing so I have to run. I love comics the same way you love comics. rice and fucking kimchi I forgot about I don't know I don't know what I don't even know how to

2:25:29 So I'm like, look. I have the IBS from the nonstop stress and then also the dietary part of it. I'm just a fucking mess. It's a no-brainer. You can't be a pussy. Well, that is the joke part. Did you ever cut out gluten? Well, I've been in jail a lot of times, which means I did a lot of bad things. I'm risking everything I've ever worked for right now.

2:29:00 have done that especially when you go to macau and they're like, do you want to fucking bet with million-dollar chips? And I got to the point in Vegas where they knew me and they would let me bet That is an expression Okay, so that's horrible. Well, that's one of the reasons why we stopped being at the Palms. No, well, how did you think I got to that point?

2:31:21 understand but i'll tell you what you get a whole kill me. Yeah, Tiago Alves in one fight could change your fucking life. That's the big one. Don't do it then. you don't have to worry about the lasting effects of head trauma you'll it still is possibly and he thought it was important. Write poetry. We had a cool conversation about work last time I was at your place.

2:33:59 I paint whether my girlfriend dumped me or whether she's sucking my dick or whatever. Gay as in like I don't feel like. You force yourself. I know what you're saying. it'd be something i want to lick lick myself all day it's not it's it's just it seems wrong to call someone a pussy Force yourself, whether you feel like it or not. It applies to everything.

2:36:27 The show's over. Who's that? and save some money. Thanks to Onnit.com. If you like this shit. he has his own And Asakira, Everybody have a that little room. We've got Fahim, One last plug. November 2nd, pay attention. See you soon.