Joe Rogan Experience #415 — Justin Foster Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience Yeah, fuck credits dude We met Justin when we were doing the Addison improv a couple years ago, right? Texas especially Dallas and that one club has like a real community yeah we Yeah, to see like, People keep coming back. The clubs, the local clubs, are missing out on an opportunity on Tuesdays and Wednesdays but we'll give it to all the local guys.

2:41 have a couple drinks, it's always a good show, And a place like Dallas is taking that same concept, that Addison improv. So important. Stick with it because if you stick with it, and they'll do it for nothing. Like Denver, people like if you go to see a local show on like a monday night or what have you it's a lot of funny I always see comics that are also in town

5:13 where they have a big bar area. straight, flat business move. much more so than when I was coming up. When I was coming up, it seemed like during the 80s, and you would ask guys, like, when's your open mic night? Palace. Are you? How many does it seat? When you've got nine people up front and a 450, yeah. know like everyone knew the local guys. They have a lot of clubs.

8:22 The city's too hostile. They had this one of those street carts that serve sausage sandwiches and stuff like that. and while he was having sex with her, and beaten by life. they call this the Boston Mac come Come on. Whoa. Jesus. It's 500 flavors. Not even Coke Zero? I don't want to take any chances. They're about to change that, and you do it the American formula way.

11:11 They want to add more corn syrup. Yeah. And you get like an RC and you're you're like well this was like generic cola but then like as coke, there's no cocaine in Coca-Cola. Bigfoot. What was I talking about? Really? cocaine flavor, and That should be a commercial for Coke right there. How about that? Barks? and get a sausage sub with a fucking real root beer.

14:28 What's the ingredient? Right. I don't know. Whatever happened to those guys? That root beer was kind of. What about New York seltzer? Whatever happened to those guys? Dr. It was like, you know, it was another deli one. Oh, come here. I don't know. Dr. Pepper. You're making shit up now. There's a new crazy barbecue place in Austin. just away from it

16:53 I do Franklin Barbecue And then he said he sat down. but Anthony Bourdain waited in line too on his TV show. the experience is waiting in line. and they wait for hours. Wouldn't you think list would go with line? Yeah, that looks so delicious. Goddamn, dude. No. Hogley Wogley's is the bomb It's fucking outstanding. All right. when you're eating Bledsoe's in Compton.

19:39 You want them You have to go there. That doesn't make any sense. It's just a hot dog. Never saw that before It's the same thing It's a smart move Six flag opens. fuck up some chicken and waffles. Seth Rogen was there the other day. and the improv. You would love it. It's one of those, I think I want to eat bone marrow. I want to Animal? It's right next door to that. Somebody was telling me about that place. The place is so good. You would love it.

21:53 It's supposed to be It's Animal in Los Angeles? I've heard it from you at least twice. Saddle Peak Lodge. You want it to be. If someone did that, like called it the Hunter's Lodge and have, you know, only have like 10 seats or 20 seats. And so because of that, they're allowed to control the populations. these places and they set up in their natural habitat.

24:24 And if you had something like that and cultivated the animals that way, I've noticed a big difference in, like, I get as much as I can. And if you buy one that's corn-fed, it's like this poor thing is anemic. Wow. Their fat is the most valuable, like bears, like bear fat. The fat is delicious. and then you shoot them. What brains was it? I was a really small boy.

27:23 It was really odd. and I remember I had that. Try this. They killed their own rabbits I think they fry it outer membrane is removed. Oh, okay. Stews were for parts of an animal that you couldn't eat. a lot of fat you're gonna need fat period like fat is energy especially if you don't have I would live in a forest or something. You really would. of naturally growing things

30:24 that are like almost like wild potatoes. she lived with and they all fucking died like i saw some mushrooms in my front yard today like It doesn't look like anything you can't eat. and there's a few that are like that and people grow It has to be shit from a cow. It wants to grow in plants that have been smashed up with another life form that came here in an asteroid.

32:59 quite like it. And it's really possible whatever Did you see that asteroid Didn't they say it was were coming in, And he's like, no. I see shit They have no sign in front of the restaurant. Pig ears. I'm telling you, man. They serve elk and venison and duck. They give each other stuff like they were trading frozen fish for fucking seal oil. They barter.

36:10 This is amazing. You could, though. I can't even go get more Lucky Charms. I'm going to go shoot a That's not the same. I'm not a smart man. Oh come on You're eating yogurt. It's a waste of the deer balls. You can't freak me out when it comes to food. She pukes. And it was just like South Park. Yeah. I threw up. Yeah. Well, your body realizes you've taken away too much poison too quickly.

39:32 Can't stay stable. What? I almost threw up watching you watch that. I would agree. You just don't look. On Facebook. like the violence and death stuff it's like but every now and then i watch i like watching someone There's no doubt about it. You know, her head was removed in, you know, a minute or so. And it's moving up here to LA man. Do you see that it is I think so

42:13 and took a picture of the person and the license plate. You'd be amazed at how many cops are out there. and this guy was going, like, 80 miles an hour, You know, this place is crazy. It's a lot. It's scary. I didn't even think of it like that because LA is rich and poor on top of each other. people being there it's more it's more diversified it's like you run into everybody in new york

45:35 to LA 84 bitch suck upon it at the end of November convertible driving that I think that alone helps a lot. If the weather was worse here with the desperation in this town, it would be a lot more. She just lost her job. I don't know. There's no doubt about that. work. He wants to somehow or another like feed himself as an actor. And that's not going

48:14 really is the best fallback job you could possibly have and there's so many fucking restaurants that Yeah, that's because I bartended for years. and waitresses and talk shit about how horrible the day is right and you're all off at two o'clock It's like, That's it? Like, take the coolness We did a bunch of early UFCs in those places. Windsor? which makes so much sense.

50:21 It's just, there's a real problem with cigarettes, man. Oh, that's sweet. I am so anti-electronic cigarettes. Because with a cigarette, you've got to go outside, wrong nicotine is not really that bad for you from what i understand nicotine is actually a medicine Yeah, just to me, it seems horrible. Yeah, but instead of just quitting is what I'm saying.

52:36 Is nicotine addictive? Wow. Oh, shit. I have ADHD. Nicotine's mood-altering effects are different by report. By reducing the appetite and raising the metabolism, See, it doesn't seem like nicotine is something you should suck on all day long. Like it says, for instance, studies suggest that smokers require less frequent repeated revascularization after, whoa, percutaneous coronary intervention.

55:30 You can't get as many diseases that way. you don't just start tripping your balls off Did it do anything? An e-hookah. That's one of those big fat an e-hookah. An e-hookah. Him and PJ both just sit there, and it just looks like, They almost like can't help themselves. talking to Bobby about that and Bobby's like oh you know I can take off all my He probably did it on purpose.

58:29 it's probably just drowning you with way more nicotine than you're using. Yeah, it's probably where I feel more than that. I feel like this is not doing anything. It's like drinking Coke Zero. It just doesn't have that. I feel more than that. regular cigarette or more. Experience of smoking without its effect Somebody else read it. We were doing this improv troupe at this comedy club.

1:00:26 Within like two cigarettes This is, by the way, I don't know if you can see this. Yeah, so these things, apparently, it really depends who's making the e-cigarette. to the dark recesses of your soul right you know that feeling there's a big big big big goddamn I'm drinking, like, the juice that makes the smoke. how much they're very clever that way this e-cigarette thing is interesting because they're starting to open up these e-cigarette lounges in places.

1:02:48 and then they're going to get addicted to cigarettes, to smoke real cigarettes Yeah Still You guys have a There was an 8 p.m. non-smoking show, and there was a 10 p.m. regular show. that's filled with cigarette smoke chicks who smoke cigarettes I don't know what it are you too there's something They just seem dirtier. The party's over. and the other one didn't. It showed them side by side.

1:05:32 Yeah. No, And click this stop. Couldn't care less. If that's on a line somewhere, that's one thing. Okay? If she's still a smoker, she would want to be on this podcast. They probably gave her money for that. I just think it's wrong. Don't be mean. There's a part of me that enjoys a bar that's smoky, They ruin the time for the people that can. Yeah, nickel, right.

1:08:24 And you sit there and drink like nice people. There's no anger. nice guys where they just can't fucking drink. i have when guys like dr drew start talking shit about like the withdrawal syndromes that are associated with weed pretend, you're disingenuous. If you're on TV pretending that it's a dangerous withdrawal syndrome I think the only, to me, with drinking now getting

1:10:39 You gotta drink a lot of water. It's hard to do, It'll just go through your system better. Your body's probably slowly breaking down from the inside. You're probably shitting away Which, by the way, the feminists think is rape. Out that doesn't drink and you go oh, it's the worst hardest thing to get to that first base even because you're not you know

1:12:11 Run! It's hard for a girl. Women hear every day about some guy in the news to fuck a guy yeah yeah i mean they should be. It's a weird scenario. It's sort of like manifest this whole, you know, attitude that certain men and women have with each other. It's men raping men. Like a woman doesn't want some guy who's going to intimidate her and scare the shit out of her,

1:14:46 Some women like black guys. Some women like Asian guys. Some women like guys with guts. Some women like black guys. Because I've met girls that want that. You're the boss. Like everyone's different. everyone's different that's what the problem There wouldn't be this need to be extreme towards that side into general categories, it's just like is because there's something wrong. If

1:17:42 it one way or the other it's but that they exist because something's going on the men's rights guys exist because You know, yeah, you fucking get raped by each other you dumb fuck. That's such a dumb thing to say No. It's not a chupacabra. How do you not look at her and look at you and not know she's after your money? That's what you do, stupid. atheism plus i don't know if you know what atheism is and pluses these are the people

1:20:11 Gay marriage, duh. It's like when you start railing on about it you make me want to sexually harass somebody Speeches where they're mentioning all these other things that we should already agree on like where are we starting from? Stop Look my point is If you're joining Atheism Plus, Jesus fucking Christ, aren't you already there? And we can all live in each other's spots if we want to,

1:22:21 Where should we give them? They'd be so happy. Take races. Well, clearly we have too many people that suck. It's really all that's left this just doesn't feel right. The thing is, that only exists if everything's going well. Yeah, but they don't know. Because And that if a man does that, that man is against God. and then link the video and you watch it and they're talking about stoning people

1:25:34 Now watch this. How they always attack the Muslims or Islam in particular for certain things, for example about gays for example also in Jerusalem Muslims or Islam didn't you answer this question yesterday and you said that you This is where it gets interesting. audience? Because every now and then, every time we have a conference, every Just because they're not telling you about it or just because they're not out there in the media doesn't mean they don't believe in them.

1:29:15 Please raise your hands. How many of you agree that is the best punishment ever possible for humankind. Or is it, are you like a specific sect? How many of you just go to this normal masajids in the normal Sunni mosques? We need to deport all of us from this country? is going to a huge church for adultery. That's a small group. and there's big groups of people, the churches that you have on late-night TVs.

1:32:04 Is it all like-minded people that deal with crimes It's just the truth. If you look at this group, if you really look at the people, clear pattern there's something about like that guy talking okay he was so confident that everyone you become like a part of like some bad-ass group. Something from someone's laptop It's like a televangelist is what I was trying to think of earlier.

1:34:28 That guy never Like, I don't know The truth. You're old. seeing a an anime character that he's fucking and that's wow. That's so crazy. The more he fucks her, I know that you're be that first or it'll be like the new thing that motorola came up with have you seen this it's a I mean, this is how it starts. Yeah, it's not a voice box. Like an Ethan Hawke movie

1:36:44 He's a dad in a horror movie a lot. It's a great idea. I thought it was kind of interesting. with the bones coming out of his knuckles. But now they can CGI the shit out of the Hulk. the shit, dude. Yeah, I was worried about that Mark Ruffalo. It's the best fucking scene of the movie. and you just manage to survive. Carlson. Yeah, I don't know. and our problem is there's a guy that maybe died.

1:39:28 but he can't catch Scarlett Johansson and don't have that scene? Asshole. Thor and Iron Man went to war. a little skinny guy. They gave him the super roids And when they're over, you feel like a boy again. Not interested. Or at least try to fuck you. It looks fucking hilarious. It does look fucking hilarious. A lot of it in columbus ohio was filmed too by the way fun fact really yep it's a lot of dumb people in ohio they don't realize that's johnny maxwell

1:41:38 I would really like to see it in person. You can't make an old guy look young. uh, like a bulging disc situation, my bulging disc has completely gone away. And, uh, I just Just doing all that stuff, my disc has completely stopped swelling. Yeah, definitely. But the guy in Germany has figured out a way to they're very close to being able to give you an injection that

1:44:22 Fuck cancer. It's called Orthokine or something like that. Like, he was, like, almost retiring. get shot with this stuff. And within a week, they have this incredible range of motion that they No. Fuck, yeah. things are his fingers Wow yeah he's holding something like a pipe or Headshots. Bitten off by a shark That's great Ooh, nope, killed. What the fuck?

1:48:59 Artificial heart, artificial trachea, artificial bionic hands, artificial eyesight, implantable kidney, Yep. They're already living among us, guys. Like, what we're going to tell our kids and grandkids? It shits all over the place. Everybody would die. Right. How much blowback do you think there will be with robot prostitutes? By the way, that one that you sent me the other, or today, or last night, that's amazing.

1:51:48 Well, I'll find out. So many different things. It's the greatest. He's awesome. if it looks like to a real person Would they let you print out a face of her, though? Is this like some passive-aggressive shit? Your wife is like, what the fuck do you really want? pc world are we living in somebody in san diego got the same thing happened because he dressed up

1:54:16 kill Mike Tyson. It's an amazing, amazing city. it's cold as fuck. That's how much I love Toronto like if shit got weird and it's got a great comedy community as well I have something to tell you. Oh, no. Yeah. But that case is the perfect case. Yeah. It's just too small. The screen is just... When you compare, I don't hate the iPhone. It's just too small.

1:56:49 vulnerable as well. I don't think it's as vulnerable. And I just think it's higher quality. There's too much competition. It's pretty good. Well, I have iPhone 5S, Why don't they come out with a bigger fucking phone? Their friend works for Apple. It's just like everyone that even works there He was like a force of nature. But could you imagine if you were like an incredibly obsessed motherfucker and your employees were just regular people just going to work?

1:59:03 But there's some companies that demand crazy shit like that. He'll be on soon. Got it. All right. Off the air, I want to tell you about it., bitch. Put his picture up on the screen. What the fuck is wrong with you? Facebook pages and all this stuff just so I can Yeah. because, you know, when you're in a place for so long point in time where you felt like you know what i'm just fucking spinning my wheels i gotta get

2:00:52 of a challenge here established TV and shit I was already on TV and I had a audition at the store. No one gives a fuck how long you've been doing it in what other town. Right. And you want your 15 minutes? Almost two. Most likely, if I got the time. Who are you doing it with? So this is a perfect way for comics to go on stage That totally makes sense. I used to do that, like, I used to do that after shows.

2:03:26 Then you ended it and people went, oh, is that good? What night do you do it? will ever work. so high I can't talk. it's a fun show, man. No stress. well, you guys should've especially if the crowd develops a feel for it. Oh, yeah, what's your podcast? What's it called? It's like 15 to 20 minutes. not in this fucking town yeah I remember you were really funny when we saw you in Texas.

2:05:54 Yeah. It's important. to make the next one better. People are excited that you're talking about it, I drag them through this dark alley that they don't want to go to He's driving a car with a grown woman. Do you write, like, as far as, like, stand-up, do you write like as far as like stand up do you Sometimes you have like a good premise, but your skills are so shitty.

2:08:28 Especially if you tried to do it in Texas. And then now, it's like, well, I'm just open with it because I don't give a fuck anymore. in a mental hospital? Yeah. Did you know then Bam. He's going to sleep in whenever he wants, fuck and drink every night. I just did Edmonton, this You feel great and they feel great. And watch the results instantly. they're like, yeah, I didn't like that one, Justin.

2:10:43 If you give it what it needs, you feed what it needs, it keeps happening it just keeps happening if you give it what it needs you feed Yeah, that's another guy just watching him, Yeah, she don't do that. minutes. That's what, when I have 25 minutes I'm just saying do my set. I did really good. I heard Sunday night was a little rough. other comic just comes on stage that's not their crowd,

2:13:08 where people already know you when you're starting out. hear about fucking dolphins and cum and shit like that. Well that there's a lot of people that don't want to hear Brian, don't brag, please. It's so gross. Right? It was. Oh, I'm just saying that I did good this weekend. period. And that's what I said about myself. If have an hour i don't have an hour i have 25 minutes

2:15:37 You haven't gone through the process of creating an hour, chopping it down, eliminating certain bits, an 8-minute thing, or a 5-minute thing. So I have censored and edited different bits. is a legit bit you should or shouldn't do. The club owner's That was a couple of months ago. Exactly. Like it's not funny to you anymore. I didn't say anything about you doing in Vancouver.

2:18:09 Well, you just made it as a reference. where we're talking about stand-up comedy But your point was that I didn't do good in Vancouver. I did good in Vancouver is what I'm saying. What? I'm saying I had good sets. It's not saying that you weren't good in Vancouver. You're adding that yourself. Well, you might want to re-listen to it because how you said it really wasn't clear.

2:20:28 No, it started by you telling me how great everything went. Tell the truth. I ate a dick in Vegas Which is fucking And I fucking bombed Yeah. you get something out of that. Just makes you Yeah, I quit once. mentally in my head, It's one of the reasons why people have so much of a hard time doing it. You should, it should never be a job. If it's a job, you're fucking up. Well, if you have to

2:22:42 and tell those old jokes. with your time, man. Come up with some Just gotta recognize I didn't say I was great at it. It's like, you're sticking that in people's faces. It wasn't just you. It wasn't like I had a bad set where no one was like, ugh. I wasn't bragging. they just get real quiet. It's normal. I 100% know what it is. right but ooh yeah I kinda ate dick

2:25:43 I had a C plus set. Oh, they groaned? Crime any. You can see the hilarity Oh, how dare you. It's a great room, too. Is that your favorite of one of the improvs around this town? There's the Hollywood one, amazing clubs, man. Does that happen to you a lot? Yeah, for sure. But if they felt like they can control you where no one's there that's when it becomes readily apparent like if you like the other

2:29:08 Just give away your comedy for free. What? I'm fine. Some people love this shit. with the it was inward music video time times two or something like that what a lot if you're a white guy and you want to talk about white people but man you It was a school day. Maybe he's like, look, I'm Mr. T. I pity the fool. Right. Now, you can't do anything, though, especially if you're a teacher.

2:32:08 So that guy should, some girl got fired because Guy was holding her tit. There's a weirdness going on somebody fired. Yeah, They feel better. but they have the funny thing to say and it's just the right time and it's inappropriate but you know because if you just go free range, wild, wild west style with your jokes, oh, this would tell me how to raise my kids,

2:34:27 some fucking slut raising cheated on a dirty bitch Yep. So I tried to buy it from me. Thanks for being here on certain things. Right, Justin Foster? And also Graham Hancock. forward slash Use the code name Rogan.