Joe Rogan Experience #427 — Cliff Bleszinski Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. I met you there, Yeah, you had a different thing Oh, that's right. thing ever. your leg. Yeah, on the side pipe. and I'd have the WRAL Doppler and he just walked home because he didn't want to Yeah, exactly. Mid-20s, I think. I think it was Duncan. God, he's good, actually. We've got fucking food trucks.

3:01 Back before Southie got gentrified. We did that and we did the mountain joint. The perfect amount of you can walk around, and it's very little seediness. And they don't, it's not like San Francisco where they actually physically touch you. I'm like, you know, at least you're doing something for it. It's really the mountains of Asheville. Yeah. Like, as we were driving up those hills, it's like, wow.

5:34 The downtown's just growing exponentially. Just, you know, Well, old white men So you've got this weird thing Yeah. You know? Those abs are out there. Yeah. I think it's culty, but it seems to me to be a good thing to be culty about. I'm like, NASCAR mechanic Is she the one But she got so hardcore into CrossFit that his hands are cut open from all that.

8:21 She's totally chill and cool. And I'm like, yeah, Like, if you're gonna do it, do it. Like, go full on also, right? Like, if you're going to do it, do it. I just got two shitty ones that I got in Florida this summer, and Destin, the old in- in-law trip right and it was cool it was fun but uh It's cute. Whoa. Yeah. because I read the Lord of the Rings.

10:11 Video games. I've got to go to And it bummed me out this year. because, I mean, it's not just comics. So I'm going to stay here. And we were only able to be there. Because you go to the Entertainment Weekly party there and it feels like prom. What is that? Why would you allow them to enter into your memory to the point where you think that another grown man would know what the fuck you're talking about?

12:20 Yeah, Serenity is fantastic. Oh, fair enough. where anything that was, like, think, use the same Buffy? That would be creepy if you had Luke Perry in that TV show. that dude's hairline's Yeah. Now, there's a big difference. Yeah. What was the difference between what he wanted to do and what they wanted to do? He didn't want to do it Yeah, what's like it's like the high concept ones which are really good like the idea of like a really hot chick who slays vampire

14:59 And the idea is the zombie apocalypse hits, but it's just the animals that get infected. It's just, They're just like the rest of these shitty fucking movies Fucking, dude, depressing. Find her on Twitter. Sarah Michelle Gellar's not in high school. They did at some point, yeah. These publicists. Somebody hates you. and take a dump on the table? Dude,

17:02 No, I didn't. But it had that great Frank Darabont any spoilers for anybody, I think she, in the comic book, Here's the thing, man. The problem is they get to the point where the budget is so fucking huge. They can't make it R. Yeah. That would be so gross of a TV show if you actually was like... a subtle hint of makeup on all it would take is one good shot of a hairy leg and a girl to just

19:25 here's what we're fucking doing. What you need So let me pitch this to you. a bunch of tea party evangelists between dimensions. The ending is like since I get up at noon and they're fucking fantastic I watched the the William Shatner one the other day. Oh, shit. He's like, you know, sitting in a wingback chair in front of a fucking fireplace imagine if you will well he was so original too when you stop and think about it

21:35 The other one with William Schachter where there was, like, the little thing that told the future. Yeah The puppet and the little kid was like ratting on the old man. the Mel Gibson movie, right? It's so creepy. were PC first-person shooters, right, Joe? That's Boxhead. created. This looks so good. And is this yeah yeah the idea is that they're is there so much creativity

24:09 Well, what's going to happen now is, It was like Lost in, Well, so much of creativity is just finding an outlet for it. of it being, to that point. Like, that's a long ass road like you got football commercials or Superbowl ads. And then they annualize it. Right. And then, you know, Release a beta. Release an alpha. for your space... and sit in your ship.

26:24 The whole thing's genius, came out takes so much work if you're releasing An upcoming online shooter, you want to have a beta before the game comes out. a game called 007 movie. and four guys Four dudes doing this So basically Yeah. Oh, that's funny. You're dealing with millions of people. I mean, I can't read all of them. And knowing that, I'll retweet them.

29:35 that are just regular folks with regular jobs. I'm like, fuck, really? yeah how about we examine all your actions that you're doing that you are doing to keep us safe was setting off a light in the NSA, because, you know, and how many fucking people are in America, because I think that's a really ineffective, shitty, I think there's good and bad on both sides.

31:51 Unbelievable. You're not really getting anybody to save you. It's going to fucking happen. It's like private prisons and all that, too. actually goes to the cause versus, quote, And the only way you ever get paid get my ass isn't getting shot at but yeah absolutely but if you think about like the idea from doing it only make individuals do it. And the fact that they had an extra like two grand to buy an Apple II.

35:17 Yeah, he actually founded SBNation.com and, like, Polygon and all that. Do you have a background, any educational background? Also, my mom Like, what are the verbs that you're doing in this game? It's our way of interacting. It's touching. I made my first game, a little adventure game, when I was 11. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, that's a harsh place. Yeah, I'm going out there on Wednesday to see.

37:59 How dare they? Yeah, it's the, what's his name from, he finally beds the character of Scarlett Johansson, I was talking about real life Don Johns, I don't know, actually. It's supposed to be pretty stupid. but the kids take so long, and the reason bitch. That's fucking huge. I've played with that. It's good to stay away a little bit an app that's on the Droid, the Droid one just barely works.

40:25 I'm addicted to apps in my house. we have. which controls your HVAC And then Nest just is introducing a thermostat that I got As opposed to scaring the shit out of your dog, right? Deoxide. I just, like, That's what I was saying. And you can download things from thingiverse.com. and so you'd be more successful sucking a fart back in your ass no fair i think if you worked on it for years if you had a good prolapse you

42:47 An American has these seats It would be a very smart move That's not going to work on Joey Diaz. Like a zombie fart. Like a truck. And And I had headphones on I was listening to music But it was so bad i had to put my shirt and he was a fat guy and if there's a Oh, yeah. If you ever thought in the universe, when you were watching a movie with Melanie Griffin,

45:03 It was like Inception, where she did shoes in like a sewage bin or something. There's a guy. way like pushing he wasn't asleep it either he had been moving around a lot Melanie's got to suffer. and so I just like walking the dogs. and then I put in a 450-gallon hot tub. And I left the water on. It's been an interesting journey, needless to say. Oh, dude.

47:28 Yeah, if it was L.A., it would have been. But, yeah, it's so... To get out of here Yeah but I'm not Yeah Massachusetts. You know? I mean, come I don't know. But that pit place. Forget it. We briefly considered moving out here, and I looked at the real estate for dinner. Everybody once gets silly It was really late at night. and they had narrowed it down

50:02 He eases paying profits. Bear with me. and starts trying to wash the blood off of her hands and you're just you know there's like candy shop there. You can just dig in It looks like a World War I type of it for some reason but tickets aren't that expensive You know you go there it opens at a speakeasy. There's people who are actors and in character playing their parts

52:14 just started ballroom dancing with him just like cool shit man wow that's pretty badass everyone Because their games are not made for VR. exploring the island. The That's how they designed the game for the console controller, right? to make it out to Orange County I can make an intro and you can check out the latest stuff crowdsourcing their killer app, essentially. They're just having

54:23 i think oh then then a spider starts crawling up your little virtual arm and like see then you can of you, I mean, you're ass puckers. You can't But at the same time, Coffees for closers? reboot of the galaxy as it was about the combat. To essentially do, you know, that, but sci-fi, right? Was it? working on that game. and I'd pick up those swank there were like a thousand of them,

57:13 my mom confirmed it and he always had those a something awful thread about that a while back that like everybody every young man in america you Blondage? Listen to what you're saying. Computed Yeah she's just Yeah It's like this little bubble that's telling me everything in Mac OS X. Wait, what? Where the fuck is that? Find out where it is, man. You buy the thing, and there's like 8 million Hewlett-Packard

1:00:03 And the 5.1 for a laptop hun what'd you use I'm gonna just use the wisdom of the crowd Like a real hardcore desktop PC, right? for the good WASD movement. and the fact that they had their championship, multiplayer or How many of you guys couple Korean kids tickets for that. and EA basically these awesome cinematics who has like Everybody has a giant stiffy

1:02:51 And I think they're about to move into a new facility. going uh i want to make a pc shooter like that's like let sony and microsoft fight it out for the You just can't. stupid i mean you could you know it's just a story that somebody wrote i don't think you get it It's just like where you kind of get to know that gambit-looking guy. Wes Borland, the guy from Limp Bizkit.

1:05:09 But everybody else is like, nah, dude. Do they really have something really good, though, like a real good game? fall right over but because you're strapped in you have the illusion of walking and i was full Look, fucking get in shape and chafe out. Oh, man. Let's figure out just regular VR. Fuck that. because it's kind of like that they would come up with something like that.

1:07:31 an okay movie. But god damn, that book And the sequels never happened. Yeah. It's like, think about just the non-gaming applications of this shit. where you can look around and see the seats next to you. sitting on a sofa playing a video theater your seat goes down where you go and sit down. You'd have a heart attack. and whenever he'd show up, the kids would vanish, right?

1:10:30 It's real quiet. of people's reactions to slenderman like falling off their chair and the graphics are simple as It was like a little alien rubber thing. Pull that up. Right? The scene where, Yeah. to show me a rubber suit? I was watching Finding Bigfoot, fucking pic click on the picture though so you can really see it she unveils But instead, they're like, wow.

1:13:30 We were in Pittsburgh once accidentally, that were there That's some dedication And he tried to say, I mean maybe the guy was trolling That's the thing that the gears took, or, like, tattooed it on her side. If you're, like, a real super nerd and you're banging a chick, a hot chick, who's got that tattoo written on the side of her body. You shoot a load on that. If you're like a real super nerd and you're banging a chick,

1:15:20 The litter box and the furries. I haven't tried one on. Like the old school Then you have to If you can't figure out Fair enough. I just want to get that out there right now. Who fucking knows, man. face. You just pull on a hatch and bang them. You still have it? Have you ever heard about the Utila Kilt? So underneath, nothing. I think it's so they can collect swag.

1:18:09 Yeah, they were actually probably doing it Yeah, they're hanging around with dirty bitches. Make it so. It's genius. I want to take it to a gay bar. The person who To make your song next He's on Spotify He has a song called Balls in Your Butthole, I might buy you a video of that one time. If you look at Google, there's videos of guys putting balls in someone's ass. Girls' buttholes while me there. There's videos of that. If you look at Google, there's guys. Videos of guys putting balls in someone's ass?

1:20:16 The one that went up a guy's ass? I found an interview with that guy. Are you sure? No, some of it wasn't fake. That video was? No, some of it was. But he was very friendly online and he sent me a free membership once when I wrote a blog about This was all way before you would get this from a Google search. And, uh. I still have never seen two girls, one cup.

1:22:14 Two Girls, One Cup ain't shit. BME Pain Olympics. the BME Pain Olympics. like where the guy's actually chopping off his dick. and they just compiled a bunch of them together. and we had to, like, pieces of work Here's what's legal. I don't want to see it. God, that's got to suck. And also, have you ever seen those people get together, Valve? I got along with my coworkers,

1:24:33 They just get together in Hawaii out of the year. just like wild animals. Valve doesn't give a fuck. And like, have Valve created? It's that kind of strategy game. Dude, I could never live in fucking Seattle. We jokingly look at It's so goddamn green But if you mix gray with green, you're still going to get shit. Ohio, yeah. wasn't quincy we went to some other town i can't remember to visit my buddy drew who's a writer

1:27:13 I'm married, dude. 226 days of heavy clouds per year the years fucking fly right by. Seasons And I came back to L.A., and it was 80. I used to do gigs in Montreal in the winter. There's two schools of thought. A lot of guys, they don't want to do the act. And there's going to be nights where the people don't want to hear that shit. actual expression. So they would throw that in there

1:29:50 No, I don't know who he is. You just hurt my feelings But I do have to pee. Oh, don't just New Orleans. Raleigh's not anywhere on there it's not as expensive I was out there for South by Southwest dude. That's one of my favorite if we go two hours away to the beach man Why was Gears of War number two and number three never ported to the PCs, No. So it helps you and

1:32:13 You know, if like the DARPA robot that Yeah. Like, we're all addicted to the feed. with the lady and it was too late. Metal Gear Solid shit Like a couple drunken college kids trying to move their futon or something. Why don't you explain what you're talking about? Dude, show me a person who has a gun who's not going to try and shoot those fucking things down.

1:34:10 We would just have thousands of these little fucking robots flying around, dropping off tampons. unless they're just planning an April Fool's now. we order some shit in the afternoon, the next day, boom, done. they take the shit out of the box then they take the box and they're wrapping away well you could if you're flying over their fucking house.

1:35:50 That's weird, right? But yet you go to Urban Outfitters and it's the dumbest, whitest place How is that Urban Outfitters? I just can't stand going there. Yeah, it's a good place to find stores We got the Razer Blade for the laptop. one of the writers on News Radio and a couple other guys It was a really sensitive mouse. that that shape wasn't retarded.

1:37:57 I used it, though, No, the Logitech was a gray one. that it made up for the fact that it wasn't as fast. What the fuck about car Romero Romero to doomquake right, but I get I get on it The rocket. Well, you gotta explain to people So, that's another side note. right Tomb Raider and he did the whole the game was so much And they became infamous because an ad

1:40:30 old games the graphics don't hold up, man. It was like old school Quake 1. Dude, I don't care. He had like a four-barrel, like an 18-barrel shotgun called the Shot Cycler. And anticipating the sound cues It is. all your sensors are firing and everyone's on mountain Mountain Dew. Now I bet they're all on Adderall, right? I'm like, people are taking amphetamines to play fucking video games?

1:43:11 You know, like, maybe that's too much. guys used to take amphetamines, used to take pills, and they would be able to play for 10, 12 hours, and they didn't have nerves. They have a completely distorted perception of reality. That's a terrifying job, though. You allowed yourself. I don't have any time. For me, it's a whole new game to learn that I've ignored my whole life.

1:45:12 I mean, it's kind of like a gladiator type thing. That was a totally different experience than the UFC today. And by the end I'm like, fucking kill him! about, what is it, like 2005 or 4 How much change has there been, though, in the last decade? who maybe like wrestled in college get all crazy that thing around. He loves it. My buddies who are bar owners will deliberately not have the UFC fight on.

1:47:25 that do the same thing. Wow. fucking getting could you imagine if there was a club a men women club where men and women went would be fascinating but i mean what kind of porn are we talking about hardcore like just There's a bar called The Cozy Car Well that's kind of interesting As pretty as she was. of like, and everything. at the Taj Mahal. How did India become a place where

1:50:09 did like this world tour so god damn that's weird what is that and it's it's it's very weird when There's no value in people. And here are things that are culturally allowed and things that you should avoid. people that was what the whole Like, how about Muslims where you're not even allowed to draw Muhammad if you draw him? just issued for him. It's amazing

1:52:22 A pattern of behavior through the fucking day. The thing is, if you're not Yeah. Yep. And you even see it within nerd culture where it's like, are you nerdy enough? Oh, are you using AMD? a better one coming out Are you going to start shit The new Mario's Netflix and Hulu And, you know, on demand right now. It was every fucking 10 minutes. It's like a stay over.

1:54:40 Yeah. It's like, you know, I grew up in this. I'm on to the next video. Yeah, I guess. Well, you can't predict it on the internet. Come on, man. Well, she's kind of acting like she's a little hungover, Doing coke, trying to stay up. Listen to that synth. in this video was singing Rebecca Black. When we're high on oxys. Fucking internet, man. Bitch was partying.

1:58:06 Ark Music Factory. British Orange County girls. So they basically... I'm starting to shake. I go, wrong question. The real question is, how the fuck do you know that this playing One Direction? I go, wrong question. for the first time in the elevator. like instantly. playing guitar, just starting to figure out what her friend means at the end of every month.

2:00:03 He was into manja, I guess that is. Yeah, no, he was legit. So Phoenix Jones is that real-life superhero guy. Well, that guy dresses up like a superhero and he's an MMA fighter. He's a really badass him. Yeah. Those guys are fucking hilarious. Well, that guy dresses up like a superhero, and he's an MMA fighter. There's a whole thing. Pretty good production values.

2:01:33 Kickboxing. I've seen the dude fight a bunch of times. He's teaching you how to be the best you you can be. Yeah, but look at his dances. Look at this. So they went from that to k1 max, which is all guys Look at this. So you can see Should never be in In Japan Just guys fight guys And like this style of like Holland kickboxer, he kind of embodies that style.

2:04:42 John Cusack speaks his mind. It's supposed to be, right? He's fucking one of the best That shit's rude And the word Kimmel Nothing. Nothing. I don't holy shit, he's huge on Twitter out they I guess they added to the people you should follow list yeah and having a lot of followers does not necessarily mean It's not a precise science. and see how many are real, fake, bot.

2:07:16 Well, yeah, because you have a comedy club could do that and then all of a sudden you can get work. Five years ago, nobody knew who Joey Diaz was. Yeah, but he would get hired. How much? They pay you to tweet about Doritos? I need to start doing it. It's like you can start taking that money, but then your cred starts going down. Like you like nice cars.

2:09:19 But, you know, if someone, I think the 458's a little girly looking. That's for guys who need way too much attention. You should see it in Raleigh, dude. That looks like, if you'd ask an eight-year-old, what his dream car would be. Traction control and all that shit? Yeah, yeah. He thinks Lamborghini owes him money. Would you go Ferrari or do you think it's too girly?

2:10:45 Pull that thing up. Like I had no idea. I like, you know, you like the fact that it has like shitty steering and shitty brakes. but i got rid of this barracuda that i had because i was driving on the highway and i got home i I brought it to a place that was too low. The Lambos have the button to raise the front up I mean, look how wicked that thing is.

2:13:20 He sent me a tweet about it immediately. They nailed the interior. and then the camaro z28 which they just released which goes around the nurburgring as fast as a using the back of an Aventador What is the actual horsepower? and tell them if you can grab that in the next four seconds, you can keep it. You drive an orange car, you silly bitch? Wow, that's a cool dash.

2:15:35 It's like you roll up somewhere, and it's just like opening that thing, And the thing is, you know, Just taking a corner at 35 miles an hour in a car like that is really fun to do. It looks fucking terrible. If I was a girl, I'd fuck you if you had that car. oh, you're going to be a princess and get married someday, you know, I just kind of sat in there.

2:17:09 I was a little and did you cry in her arms costs how much less and has given me a million dollars. You're not supposed Can you put your dick in there? They want to think that there's got to be some way that not having that car is better than having that car. his fiance was pregnant out to the club. with those cars, dude, connect, you have touch screens, you have electronic

2:19:09 Because it's turbocharged. about a porsche or uh like a bmw is one of the things they're really good about Dual clutch? Yeah, dual clutch. So for me, it's like, as a guy who knows nothing about technology And you got to put them somewhere the actually they actually will fit in the boot of the car I'm getting a divorce. I'm crying. It's like he wants to make sure that she doesn't run. Fair enough. See what she's got to play things real close to the chest and try to keep this fucking... It's like he wants to make sure that she doesn't run.

2:21:56 But look up like blue because there's this like metallic kind of almost Carolina blue I learned to drive stick on Tim Sweeney's click. A lot of the diehard gearheads And it was a convertible, too. It wasn't even about driving it super fast. I know, right? Everything's in Italian and when I bring friends like once a week Yeah, like Ferraris as well.

2:24:05 Yeah, it's just probably your electronic system is draining because it's made by Italians. The look is just not feeling it. at the price, and it's like, it's People love the NSX also. and it got stuck in the trailer. Because it came from Greensboro, and it had kind of wedged itself in the trailer, and and they make them by hand. in how it was all made.

2:26:03 They should be making And it probably feels just as fast as that fucking thing. Well, like if she... Why would you? That's shocking. So what is Raleigh as opposed to Charlotte? the whole thing down, It's like a rodeo bar. I think and Eddie Bravo too Like redneck woman or something In the original Dawn of the Dead But everybody starts singing along.

2:28:33 They used to do Bikini Bull riding there. shows it was fucking fantastic yeah look at that brian ebay oh it's only a million dollars just Oh, my God, and it's sold? Right. but not as expensive There was an article on Vice. dealer and it's a really All underground, yep. He was working undercover while he was selling drugs. Now he's like a reformed and he's like a preacher or something now.

2:31:20 Like, whoa, man. So you just do a little Googling, you'll find it. the seeds go into the ground and they grow grapefruits. Yeah, fair enough. What was it that girl said last night In LA or something someone's from california in the first 30 seconds they tell you something incredibly It's like a big chunk of it, whether it's movies, TV shows, blah, blah, blah, blah.

2:33:43 and eating it like the day after I something about you saw somebody picking your nose and eating it the day after, and I'm like, what the fuck? Mouth open chewing it. I mean she was openly chewing a mouth open chewing and I was like wow She saw Angeline. to drugs and blowjobs. Water? And then the bubble head renders on the bus benches also within LA proper.

2:35:11 Somebody show me a photo of a place in LA that just serves water. 138 water. It's the bottle's different color. Hold it in place. Oh my god. Where are you going up the actual thing the logo itself? Come on. Okay, find out which one is sexy so I can make sure I never fucking drink it ever again. Gotta be a How dare you treat me like I'm that stupid?

2:36:52 She's very pretty. Well, I was trying to be... look cool. I would just hang out with them. That's beautiful. The white knight. fatuglyorslutty.com what numbers are we working with? is having personally known Of course, they're working with men. Yeah, the GPS, yeah. Yep. if you a twink like yourself if you were uh involved in a play i'm actually a beautiful

2:39:51 I have a pretty mouth. Yeah, being pursued is not fun, whether it's unwanted, whether you're a man or a woman. It's way more common, He was with me, man. I was fucking seven. And some guy, he was walking, and I was a kid in San Francisco, I saw some guy whistle at him. Well, he was with me, man. Yeah, it is, right? But that sound though is like all you have to do is go bounce about bow when someone walks by and that very specific

2:41:36 To the average person that saw fascinating. Have you noticed, everyone is saying what the fuck you're gonna say you know i hate i hate listening to myself i hate fucking watching I'm like, really? So it basically means, I think the Oxford Dictionary or whatever, so that it essentially We got people to outfit. Wow. Does he really? What are you trying to do to America?

2:44:24 and nonsense through the Jakar just went away on its own. Cliffy, be a rise. Why's that? Gluten free. a lot of places that, Like, what the fuck? and just a little too slick, What are those fucking commercials? and I took him to my friend's establishment and he says, dude, what do you think of Raleigh? And he goes, it's great. There're not bad. You know, if you're on the road. I had a buddy of mine visit from L.A. a couple months ago, and I took him to my friend's establishment.

2:46:13 He's Raleigh. How dare I say that Come on, is that real? That's the Kardashian factor, right? A sex tape is sexy, though. There will be a time, a sex tape. got sort of famous from that. But she's basically like the Floyd Mayweather reality stars. Now where's Nicole Richie? You either stay in the party group and die. think we talked about where he got vibrators glued to his hands and he had

2:48:59 What's going on here? Of course, what she was in for. And then, Really? dude that was like hair yeah It's on iTunes. The Showtime movie Oh, I'm an asshole. Basically, looking Talking to people about funding right now. You're not going to get the penthouse. and then like when you'd like to get off the ground? the last thing I need Son of a bitch. fucking puck's going, not where the puck is.

2:52:28 You get these mid-level managers but fucking real shit. Join us some more. Blazinski. Never go all the way they're all just some weird so the real Cliffy B That's where I talk shit the most. including a digital scale Use the code name Rogan and save 10% off any and all supplements. in Thunder Pussy Friday and the audience just yells out shit. It was so funny, Joe.

2:55:08 Drunk and high. It's not that much fun. We do them on Wednesday nights once every two weeks or so, and they're a lot of fun. Bye.