Joe Rogan Experience #432 — Joey "CoCo" Diaz Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience It's Frank Zappa, isn't it? They were weird. Who gives a fuck? You ever see a Saab? I think Saab's still around. it's a really well engineered car, but Oh, no. You wanted to, like recently? The paint is bad. I don't know, but the Cadillac people hit me up going, dog, just move on. Two years. Remember when they showed up with the Cadillac?

3:52 You understand me. I go, it's time to get something else. You go to a Four Seasons Hotel in Denver and the one in Chicago, it's two big And you're like, what the fuck? You did. I'm an old... When that lease is up, dude, get a fucking Cadillac. Look I had a Mustang GT500 I had a 2010 Better than the previous years, but still it felt like uneasy when you're driving it.

6:29 Slap it into this fucking car, put a crazy races. It's a ridiculously fast car. 556 horsepower. and you only have one car? You were just bad is it? How bad is it when they can't fix your fucking car, and you only have one car? and you're just enjoying the shit out of it, It's a different experience. When I lived in Boulder, I enjoyed living there because I always felt stupid.

8:32 In Boulder, there's Subaru people and there's Toyota people. I'm an electronic engineer. The one before the forerunner? It is a Land Cruiser. And in Boulder Putting super engines Their number, like, eight is Subaru. I'd still have a Subaru in my parking lot. You know what it was when you went down that hill that night with your wife. Colorado is number one.

11:11 Not where they shot the longest yard or Albuquerque. Las Cruces. I've never done anything in New Mexico. Well, let's do a you and me show there. Santa Fe or Albuquerque. Tate's from there. The first eight seasons of bad boys. They really do. Did you go and see the Mount Rushmore? And I looked in the kitchen, It was a Friday, Saturday. where the Air Force bases.

13:47 You do everything up there Fucking amazing She's a real Indian. Very, very frigid. And you know me. standing out there. I don't know what this guy did, Montana's great, too, dog, but that's fucking weather. It was fun, though. I mean, it's really fascinating. nothing. Yeah, I had a buddy, Once you pulled off, it was right in the middle of town, a circle.

16:30 and it seems like real nice people. There's something about the people that live that close to nature. They're more grounded by weather. That's another eagle. It was like we were just in a real piece of wilderness. But we caught one that was a rainbow trout. So I go outside to shut the light out in the chicken coop. Go back to work. And then I hear another one chasing it,

19:54 Well, they weren't trying to get in the chicken coop. Because whatever the fuck that animal was that was running, that's at least a 70, 80-pound animal. the coyotes that were chasing and the big animals shit taking place a hundred feet Get like a Sony camcorder by the back door. just fucking things running behind like whoa this is you know this is not what you expect

22:12 I don't mind seeing a deer or an elk. That was the most interesting shit I've seen as a reality show in 20 fucking years. Yeah, to me, it's one of the best of those reality shows. Really cool, like salt of the earth people that are living up there in Alaska. So for eight months, you could barely get around. she's got like three four kids that are his oh oh and they got a couple girls and a couple boys

24:37 Everybody was wet fucking cutting knives and trees and sweeping. You know, that was a funny thing that came out of, one of the most That the lost tribes of Israel were the American Indians. Stop and think about that. It's funny because Did you see these Native Americans? always under debate. They're always finding Imagine if you had to live back then, Joey Diaz,

27:17 back in the day? Fuck no. Like, hey, how you doing? Yeah, I told the captain on New York Harbor to take the pills. Smoking weed and my friend you sure you don't want to smoke anymore? Oh, that's terrible. Was it a propeller one or was it a jet, a little jet? And I usually take the 11 o'clock direct flight, but I took the early flight and I went into Chicago.

29:51 made it a simple situation so have you we've turned it into a situation that's so not uncomfortable I know to get a thing for my ticket so I could sweep through security on the fucking whatever lane. That would be fascinating people don't look at it what i'm saying i'm just a pimp trying to make kids that's it i ain't no fucking terrorism i Oh, no, I know.

31:20 Do you think this is because you found an outlet in stand-up comedy that's just as exciting? Now what? It just kept switching, and the love kept getting greater for comedy. there's always going to be a bit of remorse. and you said, I want to be able to pick up kids. I want to be able to remember my name. Think of being 52. And they got a reputation now. These people can't live in a neighborhood. They give you shitty food. And your family has to fend for themselves now. And they got a reputation now.

33:58 My mom didn't let me fucking stay in New York those early days. He laid the pipe. he would take me and we'd go on a boat and we'd go out to Miami Once Mission Impossible turned off, the Pledge of Allegiance came on. And we'd pull out. He'd pull in the weed and we'd go back. And then my mother told me what happened. They take it out. He came out when he was 64.

36:28 and then when you're 60 or 70 whatever percentage number is, I think I had my last fight either 21 or 22, Like, how does he do? in Taekwondo tournaments for free but fucking headaches, man. going, am I breaking my brain? that I wasn't going to be a very good selective teacher because I didn't want to teach anybody with one of those fucking guys. And it's be a guy who is gonna try to kill you and

39:48 And if you can't do that, we can't talk. and brought her all the way up to a really strong blue belt, about to get her red belt, which is right before black in Taekwondo. There'd be all these hardcore people training, and she just got right into the mindset. All these people that had, you know, trained with if they're not totally into it, I completely understand. But I don't want to be teaching you. You have to be a crazy person. If you're a crazy person, I'll teach you.

41:34 and I'd win first place in cartas. Mm-hmm. Give me some knuckles. it's fine. I don't have jiu-jitsu knowledge. He's one of the best instructors in world. He's one of the best instructors It's just time. There's being in shape It's in North Hollywood. I really like. Stephen Kepling, yet. But when I would go, those things are Hindu pushup, number three, you're like, bitch, I'll do a hundred of my sleep. But then you start

44:41 Easy. A lot of body weight squats and a lot of chin-ups. I think those are really underrated. athletic like you're not even using this like to get good at a sport you don't do any sports you When I first moved to Colorado, the guys next door to me would fucking lift. They had squats. He's still alive. Yes, he told me. When I lived in Very nice guy.

47:51 And we were about the same height. weights and getting any bigger i was trying to like compete at 154 pounds so in taekwondo and And he goes, dude, fucking look at me. Nitro, he just had a heart attack and he blames it on a roid abuse. Of course, a terrible tragedy. like on a daily basis that steroids was their world? It is just a different dimension.

50:31 a 308 i got a 270 the you know 22 caliber is the bullet goes at 3 000 feet per second like And this motherfucker is passionate about guns. loads and balances and impact and who makes the fucking most precise I know a lot of fights. I got a lot And he'll just rattle off what his Not even. One of the ugliest women you've ever seen in your fucking life.

53:18 I used to go over there and buy weed. And I loved Ed. What is this term, lerp? The guy you call when this shit completely hits the fan. And I became friends with him. He was my brother. puff he'd go, so when are we going to kill that doing fucking bangs on the side, like Like, he had been thinking about this. He goes, bro, we don't shoot people. All they find is like a little elbow on the floor.

56:06 You don't want to do this, Joey? And I love that. The real deal. Please don't. But it's fucking crazy. I had a friend amazing the lingo. I get up in the morning, I do a protein shake, Famous for not just his martial arts More than 300 pounds. That was the weirdest thing when I hung out with him. Ba-boom. You have a friend that came up to me to shoot.

58:51 The guy from the Pride? and he'll tell you about me. Him and his buddy were both bodybuilders, and they were competing, and they got their ass kicked. Please, we're the Barbarian Brothers. Your chickens are fucking terror birds running around your backyard. And he never did a steroid in his life, 100%. I know for a fact that all he did was eat good food.

1:00:35 And after the show, I go, dude, you can't wear short sleeves. his arms were literally double the size of my arms they were he was a huge guy and it was all natural A lot of guys are doing eight, seven, six years. was hiding steroids for a lot of the Invics. That was big in there. them. Vegetables. Look at that guy. This is them now, Joe. They're still huge. Oh my God, that guy's huge.

1:03:23 He was just real conscientious about shit like that. And the guy was like, hey, will you stop being a Jew about it? over this guy's death the only thing that's saving him is the fact there's a desk between them you an older guy too you know he was he was he he was legitimately terrified brian was an enormous i I don't know where he's doing. He's the only... There's two dudes I ever bought a joke from, and he's one that... I never

1:05:47 I've ruined it. Hey, the dude needed some money. There's a werewolf in the new Anchorman. I just wanted super ridiculous. And if you like the That guy kills me, man. he's like, everyone's bill is on me me like he paid for everyone's drinks last night like a lot of a performance setting everything he performs gets put out there on television or in the movies, and he's

1:08:00 That's hard to do. Be all serious about it. I think if you do one of those open mic nights, where you wiggle it around a little bit, change it, That was the real crazy road life, the rock and roll life. It was just on the other day and I watched it for a little while. She's good in that movie. You know? Just the idea that this guy's sitting in a prison looking at these guys come by in a train.

1:10:46 which is one of the great unheralded songs of our generation. She's going to think we don't love her. That blew me off, too. Wow. You know what he was good in bro? He's the gangster in Payback First one was great. You know who else is good in that? I liked the first one. It's amazing that when A lot of them try it for a while and they make it on charisma and stage

1:13:30 Instead of going to the ShutterCon white belt class, I'm just going to go to the black belt class. But I don't think any of us did either. Steve, you ever have a leak in your thing? that's the the highest heights and these people that want to slide over as actors and think Well, it's a long-term proposition. You're gonna have shows where bits kill and then another show where bit turns the

1:16:01 It just seems easy because you go on stage and you're like, what's up, bitches? when you were having a real hard time with standup, which to me is fascinating because you're and you were up on stage. I'm showing up, and this just isn't working. 95 to like 98, Agencies, this, that, this, that. That's it. It's those upper high level. that was going on there

1:18:57 and it's this go up in front of people. Like, I blacked out. There's no turning back from that. I didn't get that from you. I told her that at the end and I wasn't gonna take her shit no more one morning I got up nice and early I went I got a Right. So I always felt that that's, Once I analyzed it and said, The box is five feet, but the door is only three.

1:22:39 him make him pay more you know uh let's let's agree to one thing and then change the terms just I was working for a sports advisor. Believe that you're going to take them through the fucking bowl season. But this is what I was doing. My whole thing was the store. gone back to Colorado and tried to be a dad You bump into this fucking mook and he gives you that attitude

1:24:19 As much as I, Do you think people create that? Absolutely. I fucking bombed. I put my feet up. make that kidnapping up. Kept getting better. That's what you're to phrase that sentence ever. You're like arguing with a chick. So one day I went home and just stopped doing blows. That's what you're trying to tell haven't done blows since 2006? So one day I went home. Where'd you get this? So one day I went home. You're like arguing with a chick.

1:26:14 I can't believe what I'm fucking telling you. There was none of that shit. I overcame whatever was making me do those fucking drugs. Boston. In a lot of ways. But no. I created a lot of the shit that happened in my life. You need to learn that what you're doing is like socially unacceptable to learn your own for your own good you need to learn It's always somebody else's fault.

1:28:31 You know? It's not that I'm, like,'re a way better person. You're like, your life is free and easy. And I'm like, oh, it's not that I'm like constantly engaged in conflict. It's that if you surround yourself with the wrong kind of people, you will be constantly engaged in conflict, whether you want it or whether ahead of you. You know, I used to love guns.

1:29:33 And you're not the only one that says that. I used to go home at night and go, what the fuck just happened tonight? Why did I have this phone would be ringing with people that were asking me questions It's not happening for me. What do you want me to do? You got to write and get on in this fucking town. If you let people pull you down, I don't know what you're doing. It's not happening for me.

1:31:00 come up to you and put their lack And he was telling me what he was doing in front of there, how he was working. And now I'm supposed to feel guilty on the fucking 101 because this fucking schmucks got a job working till fucking 2 in the morning parking cars or something. you really are. We see those people and Like he's one of those guys that he's got to put you down. Right. He had a, and I just

1:33:02 Like, what are you just going to get back on stage after a couple of years and open up at the big show? Like, why would you think that you could just do that? You get the people to laugh. You start networking. The next thing you know, you start moving in your your area a little bit getting a few gigs here and there and it takes fucking Him and I had the same opportunities.

1:34:48 and you're like, wow. fucking fall short, man. Yeah, he was in Portland. Not Tennyson. I didn't hear anything. But we still remained friends. I know who you're talking about, but I don't know who you're talking about. Why would you even say Mack Lindsay? He was more than 15 years younger than those guys, easily. much they were so obviously influenced by Kennison.

1:37:12 so used to being around kinnison and kinnison just being the man like in 86 86 kinnison was Hell would be like club med. And so these guys, they're all these outlaws, the comedy outlaws. It's a great fucking book. Is it still on Amazon? parts of the story is how He was doing all that evangelical preaching. His brother's fucking crazy. Look, even, you know, somebody tried to explain this to me once a long time ago about stand-up

1:40:15 you're going to get by. Even a low-end comic could make, you know, A lot of clubs in Ohio, you know. Are you serious? So you have Stand Up Live, you have the Tempe Improv, you have Standford, that one, and Tempe. So you have stand-up live. People there like to have fun, and there's not a lot of options. You know what else they have in Tempe? Tell Brian about Dick.

1:42:26 It's really a weird place. This week. Yeah? That's the first fucking time, Doug. Sometimes I ask people. cocksucker. It was really nice Ari had it on his... People are asking me how much fun was it shooting with De Niro. All the trailers. and the power They booked you because the director in the Midwest And they give you And they're sitting there going, what the fuck is going on?

1:45:25 They didn't know that, you internet they didn't know that you know my cigarettes and shit how many people watch it the biggest ratings ever. rated cable show? we did very well. With Randy and everybody. Viewers. But you're not talking More people watch this It's amazing how many places I go now that people hear the voice and go, nutty. When did you realize it?

1:47:24 And you're right. So that's a million an episode. That's a fucking lot. It's just they didn't have it before. The options that a person has. you follow the spirit of the internet. Spirit of the internet is give people free shit. Give people falls into place. I could see him waking up with a pair of underwear across his face. On a Sunday I get up at 3

1:50:01 You're living like You know, you're going to bed as I'm getting up. This motherfucker's doing like five, six spots a night. Speaking of exciting, this weekend, ladies and gentlemen, Everybody having a good time. What's going on with the fight this week? knocking out Vitor with a fucking front kick to the face. And it all came about fucking hard shot he got clipped with he got hurt his eyes roll up and roll back He got really rocked and I think that

1:53:02 pretending that he's hurt and drunk but weidman is just a motherfucker dude and's kicking him and taunting him and pretending that he's hurt and drunk. But Weidman is just a motherfucker, dude, and he clips him and knocks him out. Well, we won't even because he didn't do it then. fuck out and that's shocking he's the greatest fighter of all time Chris Weidman knocked Anderson Silva the fuck out. And that's shocking.

1:54:20 Because I think Anderson's going to be real confident. Weidman's still young. Tells Anderson what his it's a that's a wild fight and it's, too. For Anderson, this is for legacy. He wants to make them happy in this fight. That's a good fight, though. Yeah. I would say he's, if I had to guess, I would say he's at least 6'5", 6'6". That's right. Have you never seen Alistair Overeem fight?

1:57:19 They pass through your skin and push your fucking belly right into your backbone. And you're thinking, they're going to stop this fight any second now. Right. He was supposed to fight Mir, but Mir got hurt. after the Brock Lesnar fight, a lot of people thought that he was going to be the fucking It's fucking crazy. It's one of the weirdest as far as like examples

1:59:20 I mean they're taking money away from New York They have kickboxing. There's always going to be that. There's always going to be taking all their dues and they're they're battling the ufc hardcore they develop these like crazy to get the UFC to... people should get paid but when you see shit like this like how could this be right like you the for so long

2:01:35 holes are going It would be It's just rejected it, and then he had to go back in again. Ricardo Lamas. That's a great fucking Lineker is a destroyer. There's a lot of good fights, man. You're not going to go back and forth. What is it like? The first week is press week. You'd be fucking blown away. What really happens to a city when they have the Super Bowl in your city?

2:04:38 So it's not the 18,000 that go to the game. NFL experiences and shit scattered There's a lot of things closed. They said it hasn't snowed in February in 80 years. No. Let me see what they're saying. Temperature reached 71 yesterday. That's warmer than it is here. February 2nd in Newark hasn't seen serious snow in 80 years. Last weekend, they asked Roger Goodell,

2:06:52 But you're out of there. I'm not going there. If they could have MMA fights in the snow. They used to have, my friend Bud used to own part of it. Playing a game in the snow like that, I don't give a fuck. They're all there The sidelines are all heated. Fucking getting hit in the cold. Priceless. Yeah, get that East Coast, man. and the wind is whipping

2:09:06 just sitting there waiting for a deer to show up, crazy? We're not used to it. No. I wasn't to the point, but I'm not used to it. They had some serious snow while you guys were up there. We're going to be there this weekend at the Mirage, though. So I'm doing an early show up there. We're not getting out of there until about 10. You know, we could always ring in the New Year, and then you can go up after that, too.

2:10:55 Do you do morning radio as well? and they get three stations. in these fucking clubs Well, in a lot of ways, like you said, it is like being on a TV show. Three, four radio stations that you get on and promote something heavy. Fort Lauderdale, yeah. It wasn't like in the old days when we'd go to Houston. Clear Channel. Don't even say fuck. Well, they're just thinking about money.

2:13:12 We have a morning radio show. It's got to be real. Yes, we are. We're going to go. not what the advertisers are fucking telling them, I don't give a fuck. Pirate radio wishes it was the internet. We started off doing it as a goof. you're you're you're like you're fashioning a piece you know and that's a lot of what you're I don't want to talk about that shit.

2:15:59 I'm not saying the president is shit, but why are you getting caught up? They're fucking synchronized. And they're covering the same shit that you're covering to the minute because they want to get it to you before anybody else gets it to you. and the fear they put in you. And I smoked oak and I get on Twitter and I play fucking music people that are are not doing, but they are involved in

2:18:05 putting you in a good mood you're a scarecrow. Because you eat edibles Chew and about you ate like three or four on an airplane. Like, you're I love walking on that. I'm in range. I don't know if you saw Conan O'Brien. Makes sense. It's okay. You can admit it if you've bought an item or two or ten for yourself. It's okay. You can admit it if you've bought an item or two or ten for yourself. It's okay. You can admit it. You've bought an item or two or ten for yourself. It's okay. You can admit it

2:20:20 You can admit it, Todd. Keep it going. If you bought maybe an item or two or ten for yourself. Is it okay? You can admit it if you've bought maybe an item This is so funny. for yourself. If you've bought that goes out You have no idea what we get coaxed into. They will interrupt the fucking orgy now on you porn. He's showing me gross... Guys, don't have a second conversation in the middle of this conversation.

2:22:34 They're like fucking. Dice did the joke in the original room. These podcasts. I watched The Walking Dead. It's such a terrible way to watch an hour program. I'm just saying. I ain't promoting nothing. You're going to do your own fucking stunts, all right? There's educational podcasts. No, no, no. why are they such good runners? twisted up like they have their foreskin tied up in a bow and they're they're running naked when

2:26:20 So listening to it on this podcast made me appreciate, like, Every fucking week, they got to put somebody famous. Who the fuck tolerates that shit? 8 o'clock. I think he turned, his is like a podcast show also. I don't fucking watch that shit that dude in the fucking morning. He's still an interesting guy. that he drives around in this crazy souped up volvo and uh someone famous called him up like

2:29:06 That's a big-time bolder car, too. Skip ad. Oh my God, really? He's doing a burnout oh how rude He owns some insane amount of Porsches. He has rare cars that are worth like a million bucks. Rare first edition 1973 911 RS cars that are super hard to get a hold of. And not just fast cars. VW Bug up there. Fuck it. No, she has the fucking Cadillac or whatever.

2:32:19 Oh, the one that looks like a Mercedes? He's like, that fucking car, the one that looks like a Mercedes that Hyundai makes? Coming back from San Diego And he was Because this was when Hyundai was first coming out. That's how many fucking Hyundais they were selling a month, dog. Yeah. Did they? Is $60,000. This is good enough No the EQUS. But it's a rock-solid car in comparison to the high-end Lexus.

2:35:21 And the Lexus LS 460 it around corners and stuff Lexus, right? The Mondays have that. So say you get on the highway. That's amazing. It's going to accelerate, decelerate. a crash again like mmm isn't that better it seems I mean I know that it's nice to Coincidence? They just bought the Ari Shafir, Brian Cowan, Joey Diaz. at Fitzgerald's, and we're doing

2:39:32 again with Tiffany Haddish, Tony Hinchcliffe. Me and the motherfucker Ari Shafir, we're going to have a good time. Hawaii is a fucking great place to go and talked about it on his podcast Look, I stay after every show and I meet people. it'd be fine, but that's what they'll ask you Oh, the same one? Go to Audible.com forward slash Joe. favorite podcasts ever. So, Audible.com

2:42:15 We'll see you soon. Let's get our freak on. Yo. Yo. Yeah. That's the shit. I like it when you touch my butt I'm watching Spongebob That's the shit That's the shit