Joe Rogan Experience #440 — Dom Irrera Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. Yeah, there's toolboxes. There's two toolboxes man, you have soft hands. Oh, they're butter. I love it. I go, no. What do you mean, after he had a standing ovation? Yeah, after he had a standing ovation. That's actually not a bad idea. And you just swinging back and forth But I said, I would be afraid to fuck Tiffany or even him because I'm intimidated by her in a sense.

2:49 And then it just destroyed. first one to think of sticking a microphone in her 2012? When did she start queefing? I was like, I don't think anybody does this. geez oh could you imagine if he really died because of the microphone imagine if you actually Well, it is fascinating to me. she could show it to you And I've been around no one but fucked up people for a decade before that.

6:01 but I heard that this girl, Tiffany Haddish, to do whatever the fuck you want if you want to have sex with someone for free, you should be able to have sex with someone You're paying them to massage you. It feels like she's lost and she's in a bad place. I mean, but instantly you say that she's still a hooker. Why? Oh, that's hilarious. But there's a reason why that stereotype is not for chinese guys okay there's a reason why

9:14 and that I grew up with, they were savages. I heard that movie sucks from so many people. I gotta watch it again. Yeah, they send it to everybody. Yeah, yeah. And they're all in your name, and they don't go anywhere. They just plug it in this box, and you can play them on your TV. And it was not very many people in the theater, I was going to bring that up.

11:04 He was texting. Well, maybe he was just ready to die on his own, and he was like, I just got to start killing kids until one of them gets me. The food's really delicious. Do you want to go to jail, or are you just retarded? It was beautiful. Well, I think I was right, but I love him. you could really at one point in time But when we're shooting pool

13:13 With a mouthful of food. We would like it if you could come over to our table. And I'm like, what? Like, I'm in the middle of eating. I had a mouthful of food. Hi, we're from Canada. We would like it if you could come over to our table. I'd like you to come over to our table. Get the camera out of the car, Donna. Bruce is looking at me To meet someone like Bruce Willis too

14:27 That's the guy from Die Hard. You know? But California doesn't give a fuck. But you know how there is that issue? Sweetheart of a guy. heard him on Sirius Satellite Radio or seen him on Comedy Central or something like that, Oh, really? About stop being a comedian? De Niro's thick in what way? More than anything, I loved your singing. And Billy was like, that's exactly what it was.

17:48 Who, De Niro? He's badass. Christ that scene with when he was in the empty theater with the yeah the girl Oh, my God. Somehow or another I was watching a small piece of it. That movie deserves to be watched as a full movie. Fucking incredible. No, who was the... and Pacino was so off. Almost a little too together. Redford. I think those guys that do those movies like Pacino and De Niro and Harvey Keitel and all these historical actors, after a while they're just fucking working.

21:14 I know. That's one of the most menacing parts ever. I was. No, it wasn't Gary Oldman. Oh, Christopher Walken, when he was talking about Sicilians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gary Oldman, is that what you're talking about? No, it wasn't Gary Oldman. and Dennis Hopper. the Bible to you And thanks for doing my podcast. If I can run 30 seconds, is that okay? I'm doing side splitters in Tampa.

23:24 Just get a Twitter that you post on a regular basis and have all your dates up on Twitter. How much do you do on Twitter? Do you do it before each week? Justin Bieber has like 44 million, something like that, Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. And if they find any drugs on the way, they can just arrest him for anything. He's been terrorizing the cops. You think he'll end up killing himself?

25:52 that are good at surfing. No one ever gets that way He's really gotten his life together. It seems like they're all the same thing. Caffeine is a good drug. There's drugs that can help people that are in intense pain. I've heard people talk about other people that ruin their life on pot. Somehow or another, you get hooked on a drug drug except this time you're getting a drug from

28:11 And then you need that chemical. Yeah, Amy Winehouse, when she died, apparently it was just booze. your liver into overdrive. Like the people from the 60s. I wasn't even a comedian yet. illegal they didn't even have to have like proof of bioavailability like they they made some stuff the federal government hook them up with acid, So then they decided that it was going to be something

31:11 People are shooting at you. And then you take acid. That's so ridiculous. Many people. They just want to... You know, there was a woman who was raped in the Lower East Side. It's horrible. i think some people just have a horrible view of humanity of themselves of other people you know You're a fucking terrifying aspect for people that were raped themselves,

34:27 He was a sex predator, and he was a reformed sex predator. Right. But, I mean, the fact is he can't i mean he's controlling it right but i mean of people from really nice people to really fucking evil people the the Especially when you hear about how hot people get Just those things that none of us have done. Yeah, and he would go into... Oh, no. they used to have this Vince Champ joke.

37:18 He was doing it over and over again. White guy or black guy? He's still in jail. Oh, yeah. He's a fairly religious fellow. Yeah. He's still in jail. He stole two? Several rapes of the music, How do they do that? They're not letting them use banks. it's like selling tents or fucking microphone arms. Why would you think so? I mean, it's a real legal business.

40:37 you're being a bully. when they formed this silly country, It's a cunt move. the money to become part of the system because everybody makes more money. you know why can't when why can't someone who's legally making it put it in a bank what are you Tom Herrera, accountant 101. I was a valet in Brooklyn. it all changed. They came down hard on them. Yeah, you got tips as a limo driver.

43:37 That's got to be fucking hard. and me and a couple other savages, these guys. the girl who's the fucking worked at the didn't give a fuck at the left last night she's asked me, so I said, way creepier Is that her name? Amy Schumer? You ever whack one off to Amy Schumer? Blue singers. She's the unfunniest. I saw people like trying to think of something funny that happened to them that day so maybe they could smile.

46:45 but I think in that, you lose your sense of humor. and I just, Is he serious? Well, you know know you interrupted their really You don't follow the NFL like I do. People take themselves really seriously. Some more people waver than you. That's pretty crazy. We're so lucky that this is a time where you can go on to just, I saw that. we just got it. Well, not only is there no end to it.

51:18 inside every black hole they think is the portal to another universe. Inside every galaxy is a black hole. Queef. But the, so what they're saying is it's like, it's like a fractal. First of all, it looks like a design. and closer to this design it branches out all along the edges are not smooth and around the edges are in fact the exact same pattern of the of the

53:08 the one above it fractals are fascinating man again. This is the best way to describe it. A fractal is a mathematical set that typically different. It might be off. It might be a completely different existence. And then inside That's why I'm a comedian, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, 15 billion light years. So what club are you working this week? We're just going to go shoot some wild boars.

55:55 You should get a GoPro, man. I wonder if you can do that. They're wild boars. If they don't keep the population in check, the results are disastrous. where they eradicate them through helicopters. They might get a hold of some people. met in austin and this is his uh dogs attacking a wild boar that got on his farm i believe it was That animal was just sitting around waiting for its death from the moment it was alive.

58:47 By the way, these wild pigs, according to Steve Rinella, even wild boars, it's essentially the same animal. And once they bite you and they find out that they can eat you, they don't care about you. They're fucking monsters, man. You know, domestic pigs, they get pretty huge. That's not the Hogzilla one either. So the argument that this is like a perspective shot I think fades away

1:00:34 That is fucking freaky, man. but it could be that someone fucked around with genetics. And they're muscular as shit, man. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. Joe, I don't know if you know how nimble I am. It's just mixing with the pig photos. No worries, man. Oh, are you talking to Joe? Is he an expert on this stuff? Is all like Do they really

1:02:58 Yeah Science documentaries People just go Click next Whatever they want to watch some rednecks What are you doing? What if they do another take? They make moonshine. They don't want to have to put a tax stamp on it. I go, oh, good for you, Mitch. Absinthe is like alcohol. It's like... Yeah. or like a real... I never see you drunk. We should get drunk at your house some night.

1:05:50 We should get drunk on the podcast, and you should smoke pot as well. It's 1.30. You can't just shoot pool with Joe for an hour. I don't see where it hurts you. It's just a matter of channeling, and just like outwardly expressing it, in fact, is indulgent. people, like, fucking get mad, throw things around when they're upset. In Poughkeepsie? And he did nothing against me, but it's just such ridiculous behavior.

1:08:34 where you know you just didn't hit it right, that I was really upset at myself for. Yeah. They become more delusional or more complainy. and he doesn't like it. You know how fucking hard some people work for nothing? A lot of people would be super happy to do it Yeah, super smart science dudes to be sitting in front of a computer banging this out. J. Howard Marshall.

1:10:58 Mm-hmm. I can't make anything. It's madness. That's the root of a tree. That's how they get moisture out of the ground. I don't understand it either. That's cool. and it's always hot. it's one of the weirdest things ever it's just like how do you wait what happens huh so the And, you know, a lot of people, especially where we live, are going full solar.

1:14:50 And not only did he recognize me, he also gave me coupons. He just didn't look down. Well, he's just not good at pronouncing things. Made me Irish. O'Hara. O'Hara. How the fuck did he get it? Why O'Hara? And my name's written on it, Irera. He just didn't look down. I'll be up there in a second, Mr. Irene. And do you ever. We just said it. He's a little smug, I got to say.

1:16:07 Fuck them. Because of being sick? Doesn't work. maybe when I was younger I did, Yeah. If that is when it enters into your life, like you can die. Yeah, he goes, yeah, a friend of mine had that. I'm going to be back in two days to smack him. Do you have asthma? See, I wish I could smoke right now, I don't know what you would think but it's just like a relax,

1:19:34 I didn't know that. That's always pretty established. Well, it seems like you're not getting high enough to really. They think of OG Kush. I don't know. I just kept smoking joint after joint. Because I just, like, I I just like, you know, We had an apartment So somebody else I don't know. It was Tomorrow Never Knows. Very paranoid. Really? No, this was like, I drank a whole bottle of Romel RCF. I swear to you. I mean,

1:23:16 Nobody told me. Just a tiny one. one for a while. You can't do it. deal with shit. Wow. I went through that in the tank last night. But that's you. No, this week is a new UFC. Like, the excitement in that room when that French-Canadian guy walked in. seeing the UFC live it's it ain't like professional wrestling crowd. to look at like Liotta Machida

1:27:03 Liotta Machida bows. going to get a few dozen crazy people for sure. There's no way around it. and there's acrobatics and you know those guys telling me that his friend absolutely believes that it's real and he cannot argue with him that it's not. And I go, I don't know, but how do they get to the center? yeah, you know, it's a fucking fixed fight.

1:29:30 But when you get to a whole fucking football team, just got out of jail for that yeah the referee right yeah and i had a friend who um who was a Yeah, just sit in first class. I just think it's a lack of class, though. Some people don't mind coach. My feet can't go back I did. That's hilarious. Like look at Steve Martin. that made them good they just sort of get this weird sense of complacency or something like that

1:32:17 Right. Yes, exactly. This fucking guy. Yeah. Maybe you're not right. God, listen to him get wound like 20 people there's a lot more italians you the fuck? They only got a cast of like 20 people. But what it was, Joe, people that were in these peripheral roles that really shined and benefited from it greatly, like our friend Steve Sharippa. Boom, like that.

1:35:21 forget about it i was i sounded like a little bit of quincy i was like half italian Yeah, when I was a little kid. I don't want to judge. I'm trying to be a nice his wife. Oh, I guess. So his movie. You know what you got to see, though? I saw Annie Hall. Oh, what a great line. And what's interesting about it is that Owen Wilson plays Woody Allen. Great, great.

1:38:08 The way that people behave like the anger and reaction these people have. It's like everything is real except when it comes to like real emotions He plays this. his role there was a lot of yeah he said to me one night, we're at the Improv, I said, what was it? Well, he's a master filmmaker. TV writing. Let him do whatever the fuck he's doing. The bro.

1:40:54 and we were fucking crying and laughing. I didn't want to laugh. And it's so fucking brilliant. You know what I mean? Yeah. I can't even tell you the stories. But he was so much in the background, he thought, fuck this, I'm doing a show. And now he's taken to wearing a hairpiece. It's like, I don't know. It's not like it affects his performance in some way. If growing your hair made you smarter somehow, imagine if hair was like muscles.

1:43:28 with the ego of these guys you know yeah and jason was i remember being on that set and he was upset You know how lucky you are to be on a sitcom? the perfect amount Dave, Foley and you're bouncing I thought they were great about divvying it up. strong actress. a bunch of white dudes Yeah, but that was cool. the money a but also b because i knew it wasn't i didn't i wouldn't have to deal with actors i

1:46:12 They were bad. Why do I know that name? I'd love to work with you, man. I know there's other out-of-the-box guys out there. Yeah, he doesn't seem so, huh? but I blame the weed at your own roast that's why you don't get a roast Now, how much can you talk about how big Chloris Leachman's cunt is? it came up about fucking 20 times And they just relentlessly did the same fucking joke. You could drive a car into Pamela Anderson's cunt and this is it. I forget. I always get those two mixed up. And they just relentlessly did the same

1:48:40 No? Is the stick too big? How long? day, put you through the paces, got your body into a better shape, better condition, You could fine-tune it. That's how little I give a fuck. Well, I'll tell you what. When Todd Glass came on the podcast, and silly and he wouldn't have to worry about feeling like people that you like to fuck guys. A little bit more confusing.

1:51:09 That's where I draw the line, even if I was a gal. You know? She's a porn. He's not a star. does my Facebook. And my wife said, she goes, who is this? Anyway, she did get in touch with me. that they need to do is go on stage. When they want to go over individual bits with you, But they go over bits as peers. because people always like to use that thing,

1:54:06 They're like, It's so rare That's what I like. It's not even worth it. But anyway, she would come, You know, so that was, crying in front of you oh yeah yeah he he he goes guess what i got the part holy and she starts and you're barely getting by, Yeah. He's a motherfucker. You have such a unique is redundant. that we figured out that there's a job

1:57:28 I would still be doing the same thing. I did before I even worked there. to learn how to play an instrument. Oh, dude, it shoots things like a laser beam. of course. I could just pull that bitch back. Is that for real? I have these rubber squares set up at different parts of my yard, your body goes, ooh. There's some watermelons in the backyard. fucked up fucked up crazy ridiculous doesn't make any sense makes me sick i don't like the idea if

2:00:31 and know that you could have killed it. And then it actually benefits the people there. If go to africa like i i saw matt hughes who's a former Then the meat from hunting that animal goes to feed these local villagers. Like But nobody wants to see it that way And just say, what would we do if someone came here from, And you find them on the ground.

2:03:21 It's like keratin. And it's really freaky because they're bringing in hunters. But they gave the food to the villagers. Yeah. Yeah. know if that represents like the same if that's the same intelligence as like a small child. He's using his own trunk, and he's trying to draw what he sees. And in my opinion, hunting that animal animal should be look how good that is god

2:06:02 That's unbelievable. It's interesting to me. Yeah, I don't know man I don't understand the rationalization sometimes He drew fucking flowers in his trunk. It's insane giant person or something. That doesn't make But to those villagers, If I walk out of here They always said dogs don't think. and we become ultra complex because we create culture and we because we have the ability to

2:09:29 argument whether it's an orca you know orcas are fucking even smarter than dolphins they're Chimps can spell their name for candy. That's it. That is criminal negligence. Yeah, she gave the chimp Xanax and wine. Oh, I thought he was in a cage when he reached out for her. When the woman's friend came over, the chimp did not like the woman's friend. That looks like Husamar Palhares.

2:11:50 Because if they got a hold of you, like you might be able to even fight off a bear to the point where the bear decides, like, you're too crazy. and bite your asshole they know how to hurt you they're smart I think it would But did you see that picture that I had on Twitter the other day of a jaguar that got killed with his bare hands? hold up under pressure. When you're duking

2:13:25 Did he crack the neck? It's hanging by its back feet. People have been selling, ever since I've been putting up pictures from trail cameras, No, I've seen mountain lions, but I've never seen a panther. The population of fucked up cats is growing. is fucking terrifying for the werewolf i've got that every time i walk in here it bothers me do Pull that shit up.

2:15:47 Look how he's committing to it. He's so silly I love this fucking place. I'd say I'm 46 is what I meant. Joe, what year did we do full frontal comedy? That was also Showtime, right? Total luck by chance. You play pretty good, fella, for a comedian. And what I was trying to think of is Craig Anthony. Someone's Craig Anthony. That's the latest move. pool player, too, apparently. Vinny Favarito

2:19:19 bucks nothing that yeah i think that should be legal man oh it's so stupid bums me out that We should be able to bet against each other And they shouldn't get in trouble for that either. It's fucking That's it? It's a great history. And I'm, I wouldn't even in a fight. I know you do, but that's because you're on Xanax. And I wouldn't even we're doing an

2:20:41 I appreciate it. So it helps everybody. This is Dom Irera with one R. Enter in the code Joe in the number one. You know what? I'm just doing that because I'm nice. I've never seen you roll. I run with off any and all supplements. Much love, you dirty fucks, and we will see you in about 15 minutes