Joe Rogan Experience #449 — Justin Martindale Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Justin Martindale's here. Good, what's crackin', dude? Yeah, tomorrow, apparently. Yeah. because I've been reading a bunch of things on Fukushima. They can only work there like five days in a row, but they have to get out of there before it starts affecting them. Here's a thing about the Yellowstone thing, though. God damn it. drives Yellowstone's geysers, such as Old Faithful. Researchers used the seismic waves

3:17 oh my God, I have a crazy person over my house. Science teacher. The potential Oh my god. No one knows if or when it will erupt again. But if it does, it'll I'm going, yeah, I'm That's a beautiful big one here? from what that guy said, Apparently, if this thing blows, or kale. There's a bunch of fucking people. You drove into it with buses and you know these tunnels and

6:29 Yeah, come on. Who doesn't have a good internet's down fuck yeah i can trick these dummies i can wear this eye patch and look hardcore night. Fuck off. That's the best response Yeah, I don't know if it's, I mean, I don't know if they attacked first. Is that what it is? but those it's on YouTube it's pretty fucking interesting man but. Um, but they, it's creepy. I've been there. They killed

9:10 obviously was a cult leader he's obviously one of those charismatic I mean, they cooked everybody. died at Waco? Siri, how many people Oh, 76? So apparently they had been shooting back and forth at each other. You can't shoot at cops. through these buildings and blowing fire out of the end of the And they're like, oh. Oh, right, yeah. David Koresh singing.

12:07 I just want him to have like an album release party. this is a video of them right before the Like, that's really odd. What you're actually watching. It's him inside the Branch Davidian. It's not against the law to buy anything that they sell at a gun show. He's awesome. I brought him into my home. He was free to come and go as he chose. Someone reminded me of this.

16:16 with guns drawn and pointed in the air, Wouldn't that be like a more, you know, have a bunch of people with bulletproof outfits. He's the Kenny Powers evangelist. Hold on a second. Erases their memories. and you all swap wives, and you live in a place, and you're gun enthusiasts? I don't know. It can be very cult-like. Amish are creepy. Their outfits are ridiculous.

19:05 dress up like they're a band member in devo you know you fucking have like a bunch of specific one would say shit. There's nothing wrong with it as long as your neighbors don't freak the fuck out. They have solar backups. What are you doing over here, you fucks? That's funny. No, these are some things they use outside to find out how much electricity the house

21:06 so they came in, Who's growing weed? they're tomatoes. was growing tomatoes in the basement. and they're in Kansas, No, no, no. Their home was. constant gardener yeah the operation constant gardener yeah people are growing plants is it It's really weird. Yeah. It's much farts, too. get a good fuck on in a waterbed is you got to get in a corner that makes sense brace your legs

24:14 Regular beds. You don't even pay attention to anything. You're thinking Well, uncomfortable to you. That's what we were talking about, not just one big one like deep sleep feeling like you're in a womb. Yeah. Like, a mattress is the temperature of the room, and that's fine. My waterbed popped. That's a disaster, man. pour it in or something. I don't know anybody.

26:57 Doesn't have much. On my recent trip to Florida. He was like, I bought this water bed. But see how it has all those layers to it? Dude, what if this shit is, like, awesome now? We should try it. I would like to try one out. I want to try. That does look like waterbeds and magma. Dude, what if this shit like hot pocket, Yeah. You're like, isn't it amazing what we don't have to deal with?

28:46 Alive. Cold climates develop cooler people. medicated city, too. I don't know They're all just escaping reality. and antidepressant city. Game on. Let's go. It's Xanax and antidepressant city Huh? And then you're like, oh, they're on meth. People that can't afford cocaine. And this guy goes around and helps them, gives them shoes, all that kind of stuff.

31:31 I could never do that it's a weird one too But the weird thing about meth is it's so goddamn popular that they decided to make, You know why? You know, oh man, the dudes are doing Donk, man. Donk fucks you up. And Donk is, you know. you created called Donk. Oh, man, the dudes are doing Donk, man. So it becomes legal. They used to sell them at gas stations.

33:30 Wait, is this... No, no, no. like spice or whatever the fuck that stuff is. Meanwhile, by the way, she had a moderate doses of marijuana in her system and she had a heart attack it's not that So say if they gave all of us are going to fucking die. But if you gave little Esther half of what would kill us, it would kill her. Let's make sure that I'm correct about that

36:01 Now why am I picturing this girl naked in the snow Would have to consume It's 1 o'clock now. Yeah, right? we could probably, each one of us, smoke Time travel. Those were the South American guys. Jonestown. Yeah, that's ridiculous. Do you want to be number two? Let's pray. You should be sued. You shouldn'ting the facts. You should be sued. Yeah. She's like, oh, oh, I thought it was like another sunrise.

40:00 There's a problem with the world is that you making fun of this one girl. Isn't that a tricky thing? Fuck yeah. Yeah. No one assumes you're talking about the entire gender. Yeah, most of us are stupid a good chunk of the time. Someone will say something That's not bitchy? He's like, you were such a bitch. I'm going to call it out. You can be around someone who's saying really annoying

42:09 It's been around forever. amusing stuff for us I just think everyone's I look around, yeah that was amazing wasn't it beautiful beautiful the caption was something like technology They're like, hmm, well, the New York Times today, Like the funny pages? I'm fat and lonely. you know when they were funny? It was funny when he was making fun of Hunter S. Thompson in like the 70s.

44:57 I loved The Far Side, though. No, a famous one. He like worked in the office. This is what he looked like. You're just pinning us up Why did you do poppers? Just jalapeno. You got to explain to people. or something like that, they will have, at the very front case, they'll have these little vials and and what it is is like If you've ever done Whippets, it's like that.

47:50 Dude, I'm topping tonight. And that's what I'm there for. Yeah. He goes, yeah. actually having sex. No, He's just the coolest dude ever. He's, like, a huge, like, he's the it gets better guy. Yeah. and they sang America the Beautiful I'm drinking Pepsi now. It's like, God. It's just as bad as the racism. It's just as bad as the homophobia is just as bad

50:50 You're right to throw My country, Grammys and like Queen Latifah came out on stage like she actually just walked cares is it bothering you that much that you have to take it to Twitter and hope that someone, and now Right, but it's not Twitter's, Twitter's not. Sorry about it Yeah. Maybe she's good at her job, and they're going to fire her just because she said that.

53:28 I can't wait until I land in Africa and see my tweets. How do I eat? Apologize. You need to apologize. It's changed. That's unbelievably ridiculous because you can't do that with straight people. You're on team people, fuckface Started doing stand-up Negative three, and he's worth less in North Dakota? It's the Jew thing. He's being funny. It's like, not that that's the same thing,

56:40 Maybe. it's cool who gives a fuck or you have a problem with a Jew comic, or a female comic, or whatever. There's a lot of ego involved. Do you know what I mean? Comedy. Oh, yeah. There's a lot of ego involved. Yeah. Crumpled teeth. I grew up very religious And, like, I never, you know, I never got bullied. And then I went back in. Is it because you're embarrassed?

59:19 And then, so, why is this so funny? No, no, no. How can you be technically dating? like, what exactly were you engaged in The dude was cross-eyed like this. That's right. There was like a It was like a Stonehenge So it was like, Like I have stuff online, like from, you know, I mean, even YouTube comments. Like I have stuff on online, I'm like, you kill yourself,

1:01:51 i tried to pretend i was different things i tried to like i remember like i decided i was going to It was one of those things. And I just remember it was very religious. You see my cigarettes? Always? Fucking giant... Italian corn-fed pastrami. None. But I wouldn't think so Okay right now I'm over here fighting for freedom! and and his friend saw it and shot her in the head and saved his life oh snap yeah so i'm very

1:05:00 if you had to deal with the war? because I just kept hearing the babies They had a boat filled with men. These are lips that have their own penis, and they understand how it works. Feel them lips. Pretend. Pretend it's a woman. Close your eyes. You jerk Thank you very much. Use the code word JRE and save yourself some cash. What's it at? Yeah, I mean,

1:07:35 dancing and drugs, Don't do that. He is, though. I think we've got enough information. Yeah. Very handsome. I should be careful Because people are fucking pathetic. They hijacked them. You don't know, and you're saying that. They wanted to go into Afghanistan. He gives me this book about how at 9-11 the towers were destroyed using Tesla technology.

1:11:01 You know, it cuts. Well, all that stuff that's in there. A big percentage of them. That's a new one, right? Yeah, a little bit. It would be impossible for them to actually... I don't hear anything. I haven't put that on my bucket list. February 2nd? I can't sit with you and answer questions. almost uh all the pay-per-views. To have it happen to a great champion,

1:14:21 and stopping your brain from functioning. which was the last big women's title fight that we had, But Misha got out of this crazy locked-in armbar. her through the air. Not once, relative to her weight class and her division. She's a real person, and she has a vagina. She's the one who's... Yeah. where they just... That was one of the all-time craziest fights ever in the UFC

1:16:58 Still is, but back then, that was the guy that changed it all. and a girl can't cunt punt. I don't think they wear anything. A lot of women will wear like, you know, they wear like sport bras. Okay, here's the question. They will murder you. Yeah. It hurts. Yeah, they're just like,ap them. No, but I mean, I've been out and have nudged accidentally.

1:19:00 So that's interesting. It's on mixedmartialarts.com. No. Excuse me? I wouldn't start making MMA butt plugs. be restrictive. It would Bread ban? No, that's... Wait. Hunt's lawyer, Mike Butler, claims that complaints came from fellow Parker wrestlers reported happened in the Parker High School wrestling room before the practice during last year's wrestling session.

1:22:21 It's not something illegal or not being taught. This is interesting because that is, Find a video for oil check wrestling Yeah, I call that a Friday. Not checking the oil crisis. Oil check. Yeah, see? See, it is actually a legal wrestling move. to do it, and it's not like... also be trying to inflict pain and discomfort yeah but it's been going on forever oh those

1:25:33 Are you going over techniques? Well, I'll read it again. you better go watch those videos Yeah. You know? Make it a decorative butt plug. There's me. But it's really just a publicity move to talk about Brock Lesnar's wrestling appearance. Yeah, you're right. it's there you go you go in it's not like oh I'm sorry there's different That might be my friend Felicia.

1:28:01 Turkish, I believe. Sometimes it just hits the taint. No. And there's a lot of guys My asshole's like a bank vault. I think it's time. That's my favorite scary movie of all time. E-N-U-F-F. It's all real. Much to dismay of black people everywhere. With a last name like Weidman. It's called Not Looking. Twin Towers. But that's my friend Drew, who's a funny guy from the Groundlings,

1:31:10 Like one of them was like, It's like a minute and a half If someone wants to find it. It did? Good morning. I'm hearing just, And it's been on like, As long as it's Iraqi, not American soldiers, I don't give a fuck, okay? I love Todd Glass. Oh, that feminist guy. He's married. and Daniel Tosh getting in trouble. Yeah. And some woman goes, actually, nothing's funny about rape.

1:34:28 Everyone's a blogger now. And there's all this idea What it is is that there's a lot of people out there that are delusional. Wait, he's still on it? Who says dude bros? Well, that's a new way to diminish people's opinions, like that you're bros. and that you were attacked and victimized. People have a real problem in this country with people No one wants to be wrong.

1:37:26 It's bad for your mind when you give a distorted depiction of the events and people can clearly see that they go that either is like super douchey masculine that hates the progressive point of view And if you tell me a bad joke about ice cream, it's more offensive than a good rape joke. Rape is a part of life. It's crazy too. Because it's a very visual thing.

1:39:41 And everyone dies. it's part of the business it's one of of those, I mean, how many times do I whatever but it's like it's like you can't say that word now it was his second album Like they say, AIDS is a heterosexual disease. Just because a few facts fucked a monkey. Yeah. are definitely becoming for the Bantamweight title, telling him he's okay. He goes, he's in a different weight class.

1:43:20 What am I going to say to the guy? I shouldn't have used retard. The idea that I'm calling myself retarded is if retarded is a disease. I'm going to keep calling myself a retard. My balls just went inside me when you said that. If retard is offensive, to call someone else a retard, is it the word? Twink? Yes, you can. Are you telling me? Then you shouldn't say bear.

1:45:53 No. I get called... I'm actually no animal. Gabourey Sidibe. And that's one of those words to me, One of her drag queen contestants named Carmen Carrera, You don't even understand. But I don't think the word... Carmen Carrera. Call her. And it's like, what are you trying to fucking do? Her name was Vanity. Doug and I, It's like pretend you got a hard time.

1:49:49 and she's gorgeous. And the whole crowd sees it But what you couldn't do is say the word hard. Just dummies who want to go, what about move this around? That's my skill. I might not be funny, but I know where the a lamp. Well, you've always been good at figuring out which room needs a lamp. That's my skill. Who made it better? everybody in the audience

1:51:33 Some epic thunder. Yeah. Do you do ass to mouth ever, Justin? Trust me. Is it considered to be you know, Dan, is it a green light because he says homophobic things? It's not my time to say who... I love a good bacon baby. And it's sad. Yeah, it's pitiful. Maybe slut will go into the same box as retard They're one of the first like blowing a dude But at least, look, that's less of a secret, I guess.

1:55:07 I mean, working really hard against gay rights. Meanwhile, perverts. I'm like, no. What we do That's why I draw the line. Like that, I mean, it's like the, what's her name? There's no way that guy's gay. House parks. I think he's totally straight. Was that his name? Before the internet, we had a thing we used to do. Don't you guys get together? it's probably so much easier.

1:57:20 until I find somebody. Fucking pig. You monster. Yeah, it must be way easier to get laid. Website, is that what you're saying? and it looks so complicated. Brian, put that down. Yeah. No, no, no, no. He goes, hey there, what's going on? Had the afternoon to myself. Do you hear the sex coming up? Like, who wants this dick? with his pants off. I don't care.

2:00:22 We don't know this. We run away. Hey, Good move, dude. You should get a scrub. what? And yes, I have. Sex is just... When you need it, it's exactly what the doctor ordered. it feels bad to you so gross Or you were sort of attracted to them. And did you, when you went by by you said you went by for a while Like, she was engaged and, yeah. you're not gay.

2:03:33 No, he was knocking on the door outside, and the lights were on. Oh, no. Thanks for the study break. So what did he say? Oh, dude, he was like, so what the fuck am I hearing about this and this and this? The last time Later You'd come out. Really? I don't know if it was you. You have your fantasy, Brian. know if I could or not. I don't know. But there's no, there's, there's no social stigma

2:06:44 gullible straight dudes Yeah, yeah. You know how it is. Yeah, you'd get together with this, you know, the guy was like heavy Russian accent kind of tough looking and like like The guy wanted too much at a certain point in time. That's a thing, yeah. They're really funny. No, okay, you were going to say they're confused. Yeah, they're like, oh, he's hot and broken.

2:09:13 And those are gay dudes. It's a lot, right? Where's the Mexicans? It was just one of those, like, duh. military earlier. Yeah. I'm in the, I'm in the military. What are you doing later? You You'll never know. I really do. for a while, You know, God, well, I went back to, to Texas not too long ago. country that i'm just like my god like well i even like i remember i know when i uh god well

2:11:53 He ain't got no camo on. It's a lot of crazy shit like that. Or I never really Yep of Santa Monica Boulevard. about that right out by my house It's not pleasant at all. or if somebody pops out, I jerk and let's go. it was just a like listen it's giving your phone yeah yeah it's yeah it's the the threat of violence He's like, you ain't going to live down the street if you keep following me.

2:14:13 And as I'm walking around the block, to not give in my stuff, They got him, though. You sure it was him? That guy. I want to say it was like six or seven months afterwards. into West Hollywood people think it's so safe? Yeah. CVS or something. Someone just comes in and takes the dog Mm-hmm. to do that. you know conservative versus liberal white versus black all that stuff is so fucking stupid i think

2:17:51 No. well you didn't see anybody walking it's the fucking ocean. Yes, I did. You saw an asshole that was thinking about killing himself. like I say OMG out loud? alright? It's a magical thing. senator on my TV show, on the sci-fi You're a guy who's a believer. You're welcome, guys. saying that aliens are real. What is his name? Okay. I'll bring that in from now on.

2:21:00 A cabal formed by the Bitch. Yeah. Just Google Canada's former defense minister UFOs. Who's in a... Is it my girl Abby Martin? It is. No, but that's not the video. No. that she's gonna call bullshit on this fucking goofy old crazy dude. Look, there may very well be visitors from outer space. I think it's the laptop. he looks like the creepy preacher guy from Poltergeist 2,

2:23:59 and the new meaning in life that takes away World politics don't matter. Relationships don't matter. The aliens are real. The whole world has been thrown on its head. Money doesn't matter. World politics Revelation. And I think they distort reality in order to fulfill this need. they're responsible for all these goddamn television shows That ancient alien show, that scares the shit out of me

2:26:17 Not stoned, though Extraterrestrial knowledge. It's fun to sit around and watch. Eric von Däniken, yeah, who did Chariots of the Gods. that we don't know about now, that we lost somewhere or another. The fact that people were so fucking smart 4,500 years ago that they made the pyramids. Even the Sphinx, too. Yeah. A thousand years ago Apocalypto Right

2:29:31 I think it did. Yeah. representative of the Lord and representative and it's like it was it was such a push and just like they threw it in your face just you know That doesn't happen. Mel Gibson's fucking crazy. And then the one before that No, the something something of Christ. Those cheekbones There's a new one Noah's coming out I have to IMDb that there's Noah.

2:32:07 The 300-like. The Super Bowl ad for it? We started with a massive volcano. Praise God. Praise Odin. Sorry. He's kicking everyone's ass. Yeah. Here's a on there? Liam Neeson is in every movie, he's kicking everyone's ass. Liam Neeson, Irish ass kicker. I'm an Irish ass kicker. He's an Irish ass kicker. Just Martindale. Boom. Joe. Come on down. Hopefully it'll go.

2:34:51 He still sticks to that non-disclosure. We'll do it again for sure. This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience was brought to you by 1-800-Flowers. Yeah. How do you work so quickly? For just $10 more, you can upgrade them to red roses. And save yourself 10%, you fucks. I'm looking forward to talking to him. New York. Tommy Skurr and I I'm full of hope, bitch.