Joe Rogan Experience #455 — Joey "CoCo" Diaz Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. No, no, no, keep her, keep her, keep her. She's like a real strong opponent of vaccinations. her personality is great. I don't know what he had, You know what I'm saying? you get different relationships You don't know. She's got a child. So it's Paula Bell. That's Paula Bell. What is it? She slings feet. Like, sometimes I tweet

2:38 to wash my dick, you know. And one day you go, you know what? You know, very sweet. You hug them. I bumped into him at Ralph's, and that's how the whole relationship started. What's his new TV show? Oh, really? He was talking to me while he's listening to it. Unless I didn't have to. Yeah. I want to fucking cringe when my role comes on or something.

5:14 When I fucking put that on Self-analysis. That's very interesting to watch it when you leave there, And that's a fucking ugly habit. is when they say fuck too much and they don't realize it. with the fucking, they taught me in Boston. They had nothing. And the first night I ever got on stage, he was, you know, the comedy works does an open I was going to get on stage. I went with my ex-wife, and we went, and I got on stage, and he was the

7:57 Right? He goes, listen, man, you come here, obviously you don't give a fuck. But he kept going. to see him again. Never wanted to see He pulled me aside and said these things. Nothing happens at the couch. my coffee. Dwight... I'm there, Red Band, and I got to follow this fucking monster. Just took that room apart. Yeah. So when I walked off, I saw him.

11:14 And I walked up to him and I go, bro, you have no idea how close you came to dying that night. He pushed my button so much. I had a guy tell me that I started out really good, but now I kind of dwindled off fighting. I was kind of like half-assing comedy. shit. He's right. And so then I realized, like, I gotta quit fighting. do you say like come on man the bit is like there's a piece of this in that bit i didn't even think of that yeah i remember

13:51 It's possible. Just the accent kills. to NBC you have a really Comedy Store Original Room Just eat dick. It's the devil's room. Both of us, I think a lot of our style developed He goes, are you kidding? He goes, it's really hard to believe that people don't do this. So you have to go up there and just come out, you know. The audience, you could start an audience at the comedy store at 8 o'clock.

17:23 Ow, ow. and a t-shirt with an overcoat. Came out of a head injury. It's called Brother Sam. The cherries. So, you know, a big part of what made him so amazing might have been an accident. I wish I was lying to you. I was a junior. I think it was. I don't know what it was. She's still mad. me now. Well, because you wouldn't fuck her? I don't know what it was.

19:58 When she was a freshman, I was an eighth grader. who is a specialist in traumatic brain injuries. wouldn't even be a concussion like you would be damaging your brain by just your brain sloshing around inside your skull. I never even thought of that. But it was like, it wouldn't even be a concussion. and you're off for a day. I was, what do I mean by off?

21:21 Yeah. You're laughing, aren't you? Don't be playing fucking golf. He fucked her English. He put a gun in her mouth. It's not always you become a comedic genius or a musical genius. injuries are funny. more and more things about brains When people get knocked out, what happens after that? except for one time against Vitor Belfort, and it was a head kick.

23:55 The referee stopped the fight. I'm sure you do. into my fucking head and then I think about early on in my life those first fucking 15 years were like Anthony, I saw at 6.30. His mother had no milk. He died last night. affect me in my everyday life. It affects me in different situations, like with my daughter. When I hear a gunfire, I fucking go crazy.

26:20 what a.45 sounds like. Think of Wolf of Wall Street, yeah. Right, 87. That's when he started working. Really? But by the 20-minute mark, when I went to see that movie and I saw the blow, like my heart stopped a couple times. But at the 20-minute mark when I went to see that movie at the Lemley, I saw four white people run out of there, like Gentiles.

27:44 Which one? something ain't right. It's fucking crazy. I didn't even know that everyone was on coke The faux patois. We can sell that shit through my company or your company. Yeah. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. I want to write a book about the 26-year fiction. at the very least, but more likely, you'd want to look at your face. because of the fact that you grew up in this really fucked up way, because of the fact that

31:20 There's a lot of shit going on that you're just going to miss in the print. You just talk It's just weird that Looking at each other like, It's something that I want to just, it's scary. And that's for any addiction. Everybody. Yeah. Helps him. and the kid's built like a pit bull. Lexapro when he got in. in in California. If he was arrested in California. They would let him bring it in in California.

34:18 He could sue them. If they don't give you that Muslim diet, you could sue them. All right, he killed somebody, whatever. They're going to go, no, we can't bring the machine. Is that how it works? They take you into jail. Because it's just mind-boggling for them. I'm back. How big is a fucking cell? Sammy the Bull Gavano. Because the idea is that you're going to take some person, you're going to put them in jail for the rest of their life and make them feel terrible and just moan and rot away.

37:11 Some states. They're going to pick some new black guy coming deep from the south and shit. The Thorazine? So they have mis, you know, you have so many mis. fucking years. But some guy you take to come out and be a better The thing that if you're a man, If I would have lived with you and I would have lived downstairs, What would you do in life? There's a man telling me

39:44 You know how that guy said to you, Joey, you started off good, but you teed it off? That's what makes you not want to come back. But these are the decisions you make. I had to think about drugs. The Porkchops on Tuesday, bitches! What? The mentality That wants a boyfriend That are in prison That's a common thing A thousand of those dummies. Girls are really into dudes that are in prison.

41:57 I'll ask her, dog, you got a homie to hang up, She's dying to have a boyfriend. No, until then comes a time, you know, when you're short. Don't please don't. I know you come in for two days. Yeah. And that's it, bro. His wife starts drinking paint. she what was that disease called that's actually like no no that's not what it That was their thing. You drink fucking paint tonight. She's 77 years old.

44:50 Oh, my God. You know, every word you say is on the internet. They will fucking torment your world, dog. I mean, you know what? Look at Tebow doing blow in Miami last week. It's so overwhelming. Yankees? He was taking testosterone Gummy Bears? I don't know. I guess the level would go away. They offered him $50,000 to disappear. Derek Jeter retired. and guys who kind of came out about

48:00 look like oh my god they had these forearms, these Popeye forearms, people would talk about Steve Garvey's forearms, Yeah. I'm just looking for a good one that has a good... Alright whatever There's one picture of it The one they had before him. Yeah. Guy's a man. And he must have had a rubber dick. He would time release it. Put A-Rod Gumi Bez and see what comes up.

51:40 A doctor did it. Where's the gummy bears? What does it say there, Brian? where you pee it out. He's going to fight on the 7 o'clock card. Like, that guy was the juice monster. Because that's fucking legal. McGuire's around, he's not bigger anymore, I don't know. knew that had gotten it done were Filipinos. That's weird. really fucking interesting man

55:59 The doctor says, They start lightening. mma well for mma it's different this is why it's different for mma because your main goal is to but you could conceivably go through a strong camp doing that, you can't normally do like work three hard times in a day you know you could do that you mean And that chemical help is undeniable. because he's been repairing his muscle tissue really quickly

59:06 That's real. Everyone's using during camp. He actually said that. Maybe he's right. Obviously, he knows more than I do. No, but this is just- I got a six-week camp. And so then they might not have even tested positive fighting. You know, that's also a For a guy like that who doesn't take anything, is it fair for him to fight a guy who's taken something?

1:01:49 that, you know, he's chosen not to use testosterone and he fights with his natural testosterone, No, his is like 160. Well, why is his 160? Because his body's struggling to regain testosterone I got to go with him because he's the guy that's in the trenches. I don't know. Oh, he had glutathione cream. Hitting a ball. Huge star. That's a long-ass season.

1:04:16 So they start at noon. It's mid-February. You don't want to know what you wake up feeling like on Monday. fucking life. I couldn't believe how sore I went from no working out at all Hey. And I'd be running sprints with equipment on, and're like, I'm dying and you look over at them They think about striking, they think about submissions I've got to tell you something.

1:06:36 So you wouldn't fight in the UFC, but you would be like a jiu-jitsu competitor. How's it changed your life? hip escape all the way up and back I'm learning all this shit I love jujitsu. the kid's ripped every night so Eddie's doing they say it's pretty When he called me, Yeah, it's Fort Lauderdale, the thing with him. So what? I'm terrible. I hold my breath, you know, when I think.

1:09:13 Then I go to jiu-jitsu Tuesdays. i can't do that work that's a lot i can't do a burp i can't do a burp why so many burpees because I think that's real good. The 23rd. When is it? I've never met him, but he's a really big guy. it's a it's a crazy video and hickson was older than hegan but hegan rolling with hicks and gracie and uh it's like when they were both young and it's

1:11:42 Most people in the world don't even know what jiu-jitsu is most of the world has no idea that brazilian jiu-jitsu exists and down there in rio What year is this, Brian? Well, yeah. But Hickson got him, eventually. But that shit's ridiculous because he beat him in judo and all he did was take him down. If Hickson and Ron Tripp were to roll and Ron Tripp beat him,

1:14:16 100% now. And the kids I go with, they're they're really fucking good kids. Gracie's, A weekend, yeah. I'm coming. But I'm really excited about Misha Tate and Karmouche. I think that the girls should have ring guys. Maybe you and a Speedo. You know, like the opening scene of the Dee Antwoord video where he's flinging his dick I don't know if you watch a lot of the fights.

1:16:42 Ronda Rousey was great for it. the baseball movie with scared of her. dick swinging? That's you, Joey. Shit. Come on. I'm fucking dead serious. Probably more stronger to women in the audience ratio. Chuck Congo. Just walk around. I wonder who he fucked in the ass last night. No one said hello to me at the airport one day. who's a really high-level kickboxer in his last fight.

1:20:30 Not like the best MMA fighter and he broke Badr Hari's jaw. like fucking full-on fist fight at a press conference. He would have fucked the 80s up. you realize one thing. and this motherfucker That's Peter Graham versus Carter Williams. I'm like, you know what? He was good, too, man. It's a great song from the 50s. Fuck you, bitch. I'm fucking Elvis, guy.

1:23:10 I'm saying things that aren't here. Who sings that shit? Yeah. Step on my blue suede shoes. You can do what I say, but? Step on my blue suede shoes. Who sings that shit? Woo. Watch this. But god damn. That kick is like getting shot with a sniper rifle. Oh, shit, Joey Diaz. Well, he trains with them. No. I don't think he's at, he's not in New Mexico no more.

1:25:29 up at a different sets at the flappers. on the road When you do a training camp, I think you should go and, you know, sink in for six weeks. Like, hey, don't put the ball past your waist. From 7.30 to 8 every morning, they taught you how to run, something nobody ever did. I'll hang till 9. So that's why I always start training away is very smart. Six weeks.

1:27:14 I agree with you though. V-Mac, where I go for jiu-jitsu, it's a white belt school. But I'm in it to learn something. Don't fuck with anything else. Oh, he's got a very good. He was a light guy. Bro, when that guy did it to me, In his last fight, yeah, on the side of your head, It's all about getting in the perfect position. Bam. I mean, I think there's a series of best in the world.

1:30:11 and gives you this really strong path I could see how they stress like Joey fucking use your weight guy That they know. For me, it's like improvising. If you just watch your diet and keep doing this. I love it, bro. Like, the first move he taught me was when they tried to butterfly me, I put my knee in his ass and pick his legs up. I didn't know what the fuck you were saying.

1:32:45 He rolls with everybody. And, you know, he's one of the best in the world. I mean, Jean-Jacques is, instead of what a lot of the gi players were doing, And one of the reasons being is Jean-Jacques didn't need a gi. And on one hand, it makes you more technical because you have to be really careful about so he didn't lose a step, and he went into Abu Dhabi

1:34:58 There's not as much mass. and some sort of a birth defect where his arm only goes down to his elbow, but he's still They don't even think about it. Because if a guy like this can be this successful, He's dangerous. Newell. He would fucking hit you with that stub during class. So, did you hear what happened with the UFC this weekend? He's a fucking beast, man.

1:38:01 I can't even think about him getting hit. what a difficult task. You're taking Nick Newell guillotine? N-E-W-E-L-L. Ryan has been trying because they find out It's a fucking crazy task, though, He makes leaps and fucking bounds, that guy. it really was really nice talking to him. So he's got one arm. Sokajou lost to Musashi, who is fighting Lyoto Machida this weekend.

1:40:27 Yeah. I don't know about that. Maybe he'll come back. At least I don't think he is. I don't know what went on or whatever. Well, you know, he was also, for the longest time, I've known Mark a long time. You know, Mark's never stopped, bro. Just because they're not selling tickets, go see him. Bill Burr told me that Jim Brewer's bit about his dad shitting his pants is possibly the

1:42:46 It wasn't a hard time. the fuck down. Uh-huh. this hole gets better. and then he got a hold of me on Twitter and let me know it's true. I mean, a little punishment, I'm sure, from wrestling. Deep shit. He's very smart. It might not work for somebody else, bro. That's what he said. No, from New Orleans. You see somebody like John Jock on the bottom, he ain't even sweating.

1:45:24 I'm going to get myself out of this motherfucking hole. the guy's holding the pads he's ripping to the body when the guy's wearing body shields he's Let me ask you a question. When you're sitting at home and you're not going to comedy clubs, They might have fucking hurt hands. and every time you saw Rodney, he had six new minutes. And every time he did a new six minutes,

1:47:42 I'll take a plane at five in the morning. You know, I'm 50-fucking-1 next week. suffering by this strategy and it works for him. Every athlete's different. Plus, It's different. Right. and I've seen you, like, have bits that started out, Boom, and then it's killing. And did you see what he's doing? And he goes, he gets out twice a week. That's beautiful.

1:50:18 Yeah, that's perfect for him, too, Tim Allen said that? come in Thursday, people clap and they expect you to be before Home Improvement, and you would see him do his comedy. just trying to step on the stage. How oh, how do I stand right here? I mean, it wasn't even that radical an act. Gives a fuck. It was great. Let's do it. You ever do Thursdays?

1:52:31 No, no, because I take the 5 to the 7 at 10. I'm on at 9.40, 9.20. And this weekend, guys, ignore that motherfucker. They're closing the 405 North. What a good idea. How much snow are they getting? Fuck. Fucking God damn it it Where are you going So I'll take you out No, I took it off because I was like, I don't know. I don't know. Have you done that?

1:55:18 That was my spot, Oh. Yeah, definitely. The apartment was nice. Yeah, I was like, let's stay like gentlemen. I forget. from the Laugh Factory. What's there now? Tower in Hollywood? And what do they have there? Good, googly. Good for him. Is she in the movie or the TV show? Movie. retiring shit. She likes beating the fuck out of shit. Those fucking throws that she hit Misha with,

1:58:28 You ever see her? Yeah, she's a really powerful man, and she's a really good wrestler. That's never happened. And it sells a lot of seats. People love to see those Biggest Loser, one of those shows You go pee, fella. after a fight in her career and probably also going to have the be the strongest woman that Ronda has fought in her career So it'll become much more interesting.

2:00:53 bull. When you start bucking and twisting and trying to get out of that arm bar, she just bucking around. Rhonda's like, go ahead, bitch. Go buck around. I'll just roll with you. I'll just And I tweeted something about curling. I didn't think it was that big of a deal if you need a blowtorch to smoke weed, go fuck yourself. I'm like, this ain't for me, guys.

2:02:51 I got to put it in a sock and cook it. was like, oh, we don't snort cocaine here. Just give me the coke. Just roll the fuck With dabs and I get stoned to the goddamn gills. that have these dab houses where you walk in and everyone has a glass pipe it's like being in a crack house it's No. Who makes meth at the fucking house? They start keeping it at their house and doing crazy shit.

2:05:34 for the rest of your life and to him it was just like just had it laying around like wasn't even Do you lose it with weed? And you catch yourself sometimes. because they're looking to just escape. Like, your back hurts. My thumb hurt. Why is the main reason a guy like you handles? I had to go to school at 730. Just do coke in the dark. Pain covers this huge thing when you're doing drugs.

2:08:00 Your whole body's in pain when you're doing it. And I would never want that for me. And I called him the other day what happened at Pearl Street He goes, I remember seeing you and I remember hating you the next day. But I called him last night. on Pearl Street. Not that night. You know, that was all from the blow, bro. went to Boulder Hospital, North Hospital, Boulder General.

2:10:17 Me kidnapping him, you know, and we laugh and we giggle. You know, I could do something bad if somebody harms me. Joe, it's fucking scary. That's what it was, huh? The Exorcist. That's all I did. I got disqualified for kicking above the fucking face. You know, when you do that as a kid, you just go to different tournaments. Kabutu Tanfas. I'd get the fucking things. Oh, Nunchucks, Kabutonfas.

2:12:29 Do me that fucking favor. And you're going to see what fucking unreal is. Pull up some Bruce Lee. You're going to see the last scene of Chinese Connection. I don't remember, but that was a great movie. And it's just the new Chuck scene in the Chinese connection when he first attacks the school. Look at this, guys. Look at him. nothing like this. the scene with

2:14:04 This Chains of America Forever. Right here, The double punch to both of them. Right here. Bam. Right here. This changed America forever. happen again. That don't mean nothing, look at him. How many times do you hit yourself in the back of the head doing Nunchucks wrong? The back of my head would bruise as fuck. I still feel knots in my head. This is too much.

2:16:08 Dun, dun. We would stay at the movie theaters till midnight. That's how I found out about Bruce Lee. I was like maybe five or six. He goes, you must attend the morning ritual in uniform. That's the kind of mentality he put in these kids. What are you talking about? And all of a sudden, I mean, maybe there was a couple, before Bruce Lee, everybody was walking,

2:18:36 But for me, I wasn't Chinese. And I'd teach him, and he'd go, don't work on me. What? Oh, no. This is with the sword. Hercules. for Joe. There's one scene in here This whole, from the fucking time he walks, No, before that. What? What? There was no speed-up films. Watch this. Yeah, bro. It's the street. This came out like in 70. Bruce Lee. Oh, his buddy.

2:22:30 It's really good to this day. That's what gets good. Old school. he's fucking angry listen don't touch my school That's the scene you see. up tonight. And that's how he left you off. Dragon came out. He died July You know what's really fascinating about him, man? This guy was 30 years ahead of his time, guys. They made those movies for $10 in Thailand.

2:25:24 Do you think that's what happened? Did they kill them? I know that's what happened. Really? We're't have no money. He just took money out of their pocket. Well, he left. He went over to Warner Brothers. Do you think that's what happened? and died because there was a bullet in a gun. They love the kind of crazy story of a curse on him. The DEA never talks about heroin

2:26:40 You see the kid and the two kids doing homework They never could get busted. came from China. They brought it to Italy. that, the producers of him were Run Run Shaw and Raymond Chow. If you watch Godfather II, what does he do? Turn the machine on. No, those are salmon. That's Glutacor with some hemp force protein in that motherfucker. Just a Saturday night, 10 o'clock show just to get warmed up.

2:28:35 And all my gangster buddies are coming out. I said, that's fine. No, everything's going great. and then where after that? Boom, ladies and gentlemen. Brian, what do you got coming up? JustSquad.tv. Let me pull up their little thing. Thanks also to And save some money. healthy choices. So instead of going to All right, fucks.