Joe Rogan Experience #465 — Greg Proops Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. That's an awesome two- Objet dart? That hasn't been used on your show. No, never. Both of them. I like persiflage, too, because that's just totally cloaking the issue. Especially if you're in L.A. Yeah. Especially if you're in L.A. To see if Dennis would question him. He would laugh at, like, That's hilarious.

1:42 But is that a weird thing There's nothing wrong with that. directions? I don't like to Exactly. Shooting a yield sign And it's always yield though And kills somebody I love You should know how to yield. Yeah. He used to actually book a lot of rooms, too. Fucked him up, too, because he was already, I believe he was in his least 50s at the time. That's how it works.

4:02 And you get to go around again if you miss your turn. When Dane Cook was a part of Owl and the Monkeys, Like, they'd do five minutes each or ten minutes each Something showbiz related. Get it? but it's like, No, I'd never seen it. Okay, that's where it is. Wow. Two old ladies were taking two poodles out for a walk. I should think of a funnier one. It was that year.

6:52 Why does he do that? And apparently on the west side, there's like a path, like a big goes that are bicycle friendly. He loves getting around on a bicycle. Oh, wow. He takes it to concerts. From his fucking bike But he loves it Yeah he looks healthy. We forget that it's fun to ride a bike. Like, bikes are fun. Yeah. Yeah. of people on horses. Figure out if you had

8:53 It's kind of impressive, you know, because he takes cameras with him. I guess I could look at one of the Riding a bike is great cardio. and they get in the middle of the street. And when you're on a little bike and someone's in a giant metal texting box where they're You know the word people just bum you out so hard because of the way they're driving that you're like.

10:23 I'd have to live in like Belmont or one of the little suburbs. You get no yard Right. They might be able to soak I'd love to have a crib up there. I know, it's weird, right? I just have regular glasses. I think there's something there for sure, but it's a baby. But one day there's going to be something weird like that. But that's the next step, right?

13:22 another culture but they weren't the culture They were slightly more primitive and they believed in war and rape and murder and shit like that. It'd be like a floating thing and it would age with you. And then you'd mix that with maybe alcohol or something you'd smoke to, you know. if you want. without ever taking into account it, This is all through the 90s and 80s, 90s and 2000s.

15:14 They've made rings in space or they've made an asteroid let's go. It goes, we're off to the in our time right now, I think SeaWorld's going to be a big one. I don't know who runs their PR, but it's the scariest tweet because this is what they say. They say a study shows that Black House is Blackfish. live the same You've got a prison camp going on.

17:30 like us. If you look them in the eyes, they have fucking they have a social hierarchy they have accents they sound different in the So they have to force feed them sometimes. and trapped us in some fucking alien fish tank and just stared at us? It's vile. did he kill them? animals for killing keepers it always seems you know sort of like putting the question before the

19:50 Dolphins commit infanticide. It's not like they're the angels of the sea. It's just the numbers are different, No, it's not. The people in SeaWorld, too. They don't have to go chasing tuna if they go near this one particular raft Yeah, it's pretty freaky. Because you're taking highly developed creatures who can do complex behavior and you're training them to do these things for our amusement and using it at a base sort of selling popcorn level, and that's the ickiness of it.

22:41 The next luggage rock I go to, someone's going to see my manta ray. you didn't think about it and before, They were jumping around while this was going on, I was like, this is Yeah. It really is just like us. and people deny that because they don't have stuff build houses. They just go swim Way smarter than a cat or a dog. Maybe they sold Flipper short because they were haters.

24:55 oriented, like in the ancient times, when and the sailors would play with them. People must have killed them or they just murder them? Do they eat them? finite amount of food. Perfect, that's a great answer. It's not a good one. movie is because i watched a video of a japanese fisherman uh killing dolphins with a like a knife He's murdering a human.

26:58 You know, and that's what's going on with the dolphins. especially that one. They've nosed them up and brought them to other boats. and they'll have their children learn how to hunt when they hunt blue whales It is Jurassic Park style. Oh, golly, yeah. to pretend that there's something wrong with the way they But this country was founded on whaling.

29:42 You know? and then ride the fucker And then take all the oil Wow. They depicted them that way, sometimes they just turn on the boats They're actually training their young how to do this. But in the book, there's a scene where there's a bunch of killer whales, and they watch them go into a frenzy. and that's where Captain Nemo gives all the gold to And that just sort of gets glossed over.

32:01 Jules Verne, the Frenchman. What's the name of the one with the fucking... It's like a sci-fi. I can't remember the opening line. It's a beautiful sci-fi novel because it's so pre-sci. He just sort of made up, it's going to be this beam of pure energy or whatever. Yes. Yeah, bitches. You know, there's been an instance that I read about of ball lightning.

34:38 Well, if everything in the world is an electric charge, and everything is. off the coast of Naples and Right. and the storm never hit Capri, but it was several miles away, What I'm saying is where you were you didn't have to worry because there was a breeze blowing And I was like, that's so exciting if I could always have storms to spectate, you know.

37:13 Because if you're in a city, like if you're in New York City and a big time thunderstorm goes on, So we're on the plane, flight attendants went fucking white which then i was a little scared because i thought well they Planes have an exoskeleton thing around them. Oh, my God. Yeah. But I don't know why there was sparks going look at the door the doors

39:33 We got to fly everywhere. Flying through the sky while the fucking gods are angry. How did they even do that? So it's hectic, right? Wow. It's not... on or whatever. Hideous structural defect. And, you know, it was so bad last night. you know, like this. and put on a leopard mini skirt and came out with her makeup and signed autographs and I was like, you're a motherfucker. And then she ate one piece of fruit and put on a leopard miniskirt

42:23 You know, just that, oh. self-affair. I was like, you gotta be kidding It's great that someone could be that out cold on Ambien. but it always made me laugh What's your dams per day? eat a club sandwich Oh, oblivion is... I said, you know about the consequences. You're thinking that's why people freak out the people that don't freak, the people that can just skate through, like, you don't want that.

44:38 Well, you can die quicker from it. Anyone else would tell you to come up to the bat be laying off of that any coach reflexes won't be tuned in correctly if you're not scared. You really shouldn't compete unless you have some nerves. Right. They're invulnerable. and it's not a very funny scene. actor looks at it and goes, man, that's dude, there's this pilot we're filming, you've got to

47:39 I can't. I don't get offered anything, but I love being around him, It's too much. in a movie of all these people live, now when we... Look at I always thought it would be really fun, Like, you can't say this. Well, they had a bunch of rules that they were having. There was the guys on AAF, the Hillman now. in Boston too and stuff Now where it used to be that guy's show, now three or four other guys who had their own shows are all on that show too.

50:23 Bob and Tom have an empire in the Midwest. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Those guys can still do it. Kevin and Bean can still do that. They have a podcast as well. There's still a few titans like that, man. Bob and Tom have an empire in the Midwest. And that's a small market, right? and then you're on your way, and you're like, And you would be in with them for the morning.

51:21 They're really thin on the ground now. And now, how many corporations own most of them? God damn, everything changed. Transgender. I think we live in the weirdest time ever as far as things changing. and his leg and they made him these wicked carbon fiber uh bionic parts really walking around yeah It was all this Transcendental Man movie stuff. see if he could pull ahead and he shows it he shows his arm and his leg to a shark. See if he can pull ahead and he shows it.

54:23 A prosthesis that sophisticated. to man yeah because you pay that family this much money and they give up one of their one of their Yeah. If there's one thing I've learned from Joe today. Before you like me. Oh, yeah, buddy. You've got to be careful at my shows. organ? Yeah, I just love the name of it. one is cadaver dicks. what if a dude has a really tiny dick

57:40 and you know it's valuable. Stop bragging. I have to pee. Yeah, I don't know that it has a specific function, There it is. Diabetes. on March 26th. Well, that was Chill, never mind them. Yeah. So $4.99. It was evergreen material That's good. It's like sort of like the one place on Santa Monica Boulevard, the Steakhouse. So when I heard that you were doing it there, I was like, God, it's great.

1:01:07 on my site, gregproops.com. watch it as well. It is a lot. we put out our podcasts for free, and you don't have to I support, you know, Oh, me too. That's why everything's free. Oh, you said tour dates. I'm playing tonight at the Bar Lubitsch, and that's free. And it's free to come to that. It's unorthodox. How big is the room? It's fun. It's nice.

1:03:43 Who books that shit? I usually do the big room, which is still awesome. that you get you get confused They'll kick you But when it's working, it's working. no show going on, the comics are waiting by the bar. Right, no one. that's comedy though. but that's all I, a small room, I look a little tiny room for fucking around like a little tiny room because people just start yelling shit out.

1:07:08 No. But if you're in the middle I like the Bar Lubitsch energy because it is so small. Also, when you're doing a podcast, you're always thinking about people are listening individually. And then there was a montage of like in China, a bunch of people standing all in a huge group listening to a speaker, you know, in England and whatnot. But then the style that they did the show in was documentary style.

1:09:14 And shit like that. And then people being I said, because he was in Brooklyn. And then people started to think they saw things, you know. Yeah. You know, his, first of all, I mean, his delivery, the way he did that was brilliant. fat. Well, his career Well, he did. He's the original Apocalypse Now. oh my God. I think it cost about 35 million then. and all you see is his neck up.

1:12:19 But there's a scene with Brando in it where Brando's surrounded by children. Cambodian children are playing It's a very strange scene, Yeah, it's strange because he's talking about the American propaganda about the war and how he's being portrayed. that you see of the... where they're just shooting everyone they meet. Well, because all he does is kill people for a living,

1:14:22 He goes, I'm a soldier. The last time I saw that movie was, I remember it very clearly. And I was like this. Did you ever see the movie Jarhead, is it? And what's his name That scene where they go in and wipe out the village. well, I was watching, what did you call it the other day, the Drill Sergeant movie. No I liked Full Metal Jacket. What I was

1:16:35 But there it is. and it was the biggest, baddest guy in the unit who's named Animal Mother, And you want him alive and you want him next to you at all times if we have to fight. are some of the finest individuals we'll ever meet. They say the finest individuals. So, I don't know. to not conform to those rules, too. You've killed a bunch of people and now...

1:19:03 psychologically, how unnecessary they are for the most part, And he said that after a while, all their hateful bile stopped being so shocking. committing atrocities which are certainly atrocities but are as much a But he was really on a malaria medication. He's always nice. He goes, here's your answer. He was like, I'm so sorry. No, no, no, no. Yeah.

1:22:28 Like if things went totally wrong, I could have seen him hitting someone with a glass or something. He was always able to handle things. It might have some side effects. If you're not one of the people that goes crazy, But who would take Zoloft and cocaine on the same night? Yeah, you go, fuck it, I just want some coke. Yeah, she was working in studios

1:24:27 If that's what you're doing, feel terrible. Because we're retarded. if you're gonna... with this Red Bull. you fucking pussy. I agree. Oh, I needed an energy drink. Do some fucking doctor. Get up in the morning. If you're gonna do coke, do coke you fucking pussy. get off those monster energy drinks. Homeboy used to They go crazy on caffeine. They'll give in to the cigarettes.

1:26:38 No, you can't do electronic cigarettes in bars. Yeah, it's just idiots. New York did it, You should be worried about people's farts before you're worried about these goddamn Even San Francisco. San Francisco people, they're driving in slow motion when they get up there. Do I need to be here? I love the weather, and we'll open up a comedy club collective.

1:28:23 You good on the road, man. The number one problem we have in California is that we don't get enough. Denver's the best. when he passed and one of the articles about him said, hood, he's as much. How much on the road are you? on Wednesday nights, We're hanging out with Brian's done them and we're just laughing and having fun do love some of the venues and I do love the crowds and I like you said I you

1:31:14 There's too many in the performance. They want to be an it person. There's no reason for me to be on TV when I was on TV. Sometimes it doesn't happen. they're going to cast you and like you. That's why you get a bunch of phony fucks. There's a lot of nonsense here, a lot of pretend people. Fuck. and Wil Wheaton and then the Toronto mayor, He went to the store the store is a fucking vortex for crazy people

1:33:53 They didn't care. Is he gone now? at what happened he wanted to eat No, no, I didn't see it. because their entire city, Could you imagine is there's a video of him coked up talking about how he's going to beat Like he's like, he was so coked up. Millions of people are your responsibility. They have to. They're too nice. They're really nice. I'm hearing that he's a terrible mayor.

1:36:38 Mary and Barry and him. So we went out and I go, let's get him. He goes, I saw you. But he's like, nobody knows there was crack in that pipe. I feel embarrassed, I don't know if you remember that incident. And then it was her, because it's Canadian TV, you know, they interviewed her on CBC. They are the nicest people in the world. All right. and make new traffic agendas.

1:39:12 wind up coming in each other's mouths. They're very painful Eating a lot of food Can't even think straight I'll tell you that, Greg. So because of that, he does a little bump here and there to give himself a little pick-me-up so he can get the job done better. If I did coke, you would think I was trying to get a line off him. Oh, December 21st? It's the end of the long calendar, the Mayan calendar.

1:41:06 by the way, it's over. Yeah. which means that the symbols in this lost language, they represent sounds. Yeah, of course. they're all fucking screwy. People go, where'd the Mayans go? They became Mexicans. I was going to say, they're four foot nine. Fascinating fucking shit. and they try to figure out where the stones all came from and what kind of fucking knowledge these people must have had to be able to.

1:44:12 an inch there, Yeah, they're just stones. They weren't a fossil fuel economy. No. They weren't a fossil fuel civilization. What they were and what Egypt is, is as far as a civilization gets without combustion, We can you know today. So what they did was they figured out a way to do it with natural items Yeah, so it's we that is such a unbelievably fascinating culture

1:46:13 I talked about it before that someone from Egypt, they found cocaine in Egypt that could have only been grown in South America. Well, you know, they figured that out too. That's the movie. Yeah, but they pick it up and bring it to this giant shark. It's a fish, fuckface. Smaller, probably. There's no way it was that things are underground that weren't 10,000 years

1:48:25 I mean, there was nowhere to go. And they have these African faces that are carved into these giant stones that they're But the Olmecs, they don't even know anything about them. into the ground like whoop hold up hold up we just hit gold okay we found a gold castle like they And then there was a mound that they figured out Like we're finding pottery and weird shit.

1:50:16 But they're like, who was doing this? Right, of course, because we've poisoned the entire world. right so obviously natural disasters There's none of this benign, I live with nature under a leaf. burned out jungles like oh they lived high technology and instantaneous communication and stuff is that if they'd had it, they would have Yeah, no kidding. I mean, they probably had

1:52:38 of construction using natural materials, what an indication that is of extreme intelligence. Yeah. Which is more accurate than any Western calendar. Kali Yuga, the ages of man, the tide goes out with everything including civilization it's not always forward movement left ball right ball center taint is that guy tattooed assholes are I can't go there.

1:55:18 I would be comfortable with, say, like an- They were reenacting the moments of the universe. and then eventually became a unifying event We win this year, hooray for us. You had to get there. in those days there was discus throwers thousands of years ago standing in your very footsteps They held weights? Oh, really? Right. you went to school if you were a child

1:58:28 They didn't just fucking wander around like we do and go, You know what I mean? They were motivated. We've been live this whole time with no tweeting. Dude, you got to watch them every step of the way. They're not eating chitlins. it would take you The age of Cleopatra, or CE as they say now and I'm sure you saw this, like late into his 60s. They're in their late 80s or early 90s.

2:01:58 uncovered that is like the same methods of construction that they used, like with the Well, there's evidence for it now because of Gobekli Tepe, So from then back, just from then back, you're talking about an additional 9,000 years? So almost double the time between us and the construction of the pyramids back to Gobekli Tepe. Because they were trying to, John Anthony West and Robert Shock were trying to say that

2:03:31 11,000 10,000 BC which is holy fucking shit. There's mammoths alive. That's 12,000 13,000 years ago. That's the Pleistocene And they're like, uh, okay. They take, like, little organic bits in between the stones I think I need to go there. That's the place to go, man. 2,300,000 stones. And they used that limestone to build parts of Cairo. Some of the limestone, you can see little patches of course. They were covered with beautiful limestone. And a gold cap.

2:05:38 And it's still there. now are... Oh, for a trip? He got goes all these fucking crazy places. He goes to Libya. He goes everywhere Motherfucker, that was crazy. Who knows who has a nuke? This is actually protection against nuked. My wife told me I was crazy to sell it for $4, but she couldn't stop me. There's no stage. No, there wasn't there's no makeup. There is a jazz band though. Oh, well, that's nice

2:07:50 Something for the weekend, gentlemen. the way you're doing it than you. I think it means good stuff. White cards. Follow him on Twitter. Go to rogan.ting.com. Use the code word ROGAN. upcoming comedy gigs. Lots of Yeah, if you really want to get angry at Brian, download these podcasts. The response has been insane for those podcasts. Why are you fucking with my head, man?