Joe Rogan Experience #466 — Greg Fitzsimmons Transcript

Transcript

0:00 I want to talk about this. I remember that. Was it his bag? that it wasn't what we wanted it to be. We shouldn't be doing this. come out naked and introduce us. It defines what the show is. That the hosts are, you very individual guys you guys are individual guys and it just didn't make sense like it's a terrible idea it was a terrible idea also because they didn't get along

2:54 I came onto his show and I even apologized. Right. He did very little time at the desk. They really did just bring in a new guy and do the exact same show, and it's worked. He's a really good host of that shit. because the show was so big oh my god and so what he did was smartly as he showed clips of the show he's just a good dude, too. I think that comes,

4:51 I know. There's very few things that are more, like, disturbing They don't accept the fact that you're learning. He spent five minutes giving me his fucking intro. There's no feeling worse in the world. Just missed it. But, I mean, there's comics that go up and they're likable, number one, before they're funny. I would swear most loathsome human you're smarter than me

7:37 It doesn't mean we mean it. I don't think people who aren't either immersed in the world of stand-up comedy or know a You're also being racist. And it's fucked up that there's some truth to it. That's what they are. Watch fucking Real evolve like every italian guy you could meet some guy from fucking the prairie prairieland midwest the barbaric versions of ourselves

9:52 Hey, I'm Irish, man. And I've never seen an Italian guy have a solo fight. That's not the rugged individual that takes on the group and wins. What the fuck, Bobby? Who knew? They're all braggadocious That make awesome food A hot Italian girl They're crazy. Right. That's proven. awesome shit about Italians. Don't get me wrong. Yeah, what time is it? 8 o'clock. Okay, I'm on.

12:37 I don't think so. Because we were the last ones to come over, so everybody hated us. The Dutch. and it kind of tracks New York in the 1800s as the waves of people came over. She'd hide money in various spots in the house. I mean, they were very poor. And did you almost not find it No, no, no. but I couldn't really afford to live in New York. and my grandfather and my grandmother it was like like one of the lowest points in my life.

15:19 I'd signed with Sussman and I wanted to. So from the aneurysm on I don't know. Grandpa's coming in. It's got a margaron at the end. Poor lady. That Italian thing is so douchey. around i grew up in new york so i was my town had a lot of italians and they were fucking they were violence when i was a kid a lot of like like father on mother violence right right being around that

18:50 He grabbed this kid by his hair, and he picked him up and threw him. I can't really remember totally because it was so traumatic, but he was my, my cousin But your dad had a reaction probably because of what he'd seen growing up. Because. If I see a child being hurt, even if it's from another kid, I get. you're a woman you alone the man I'll give a fuck if you're married to my son

20:53 So that's like the environment. would go to his house and he would sit in a dark room he would sit in a room like in front of the It's not good alcohol is no good Right. My dad used to hit my cousins, and my brother, I remember one time, my uncle, I won't say his name, And we're like, you know, probably like 11 or 12. and knocks him down I don't think it's good to give a guy like my dad the ability to smack kids.

23:55 like people talk about stand your ground and carrying guns and all that shit, I think punching But really, you should just be nicer. Okay? you know, people that are hooked on heroin And it's a matter of time until they come up with a gun that's a laser that you don't There's not going to be anybody that's going to be able to stop it. You don't really see too many videos of people just shaking that off.

26:14 PCP. We need to find that. You know, it wasn't a fight. Right. what was he high on? Get on the ground! Yeah, what do you do if you're this guy, and you've got to deal with this guy That cop is morbidly Fuck yeah. Papa McGee. What do you think about women? Right. Unless there's a threat of violence. like that. him to like put his hands behind his back and the guy just wails her in the face drops her to the

30:00 Right. is one of the creepiest things in the world. Because the fighter doesn't really know. Right. Yeah. there's even a period where you feel really fine, Well, what is it? Is it that your brain moves? He was talking about, like, guys get concussions and they get hit in the chest. it's so dangerous for the brain because the impact, it doesn't have to be on the head.

33:09 It's the nuttiest fucking organ ever created. Exactly. You're fucked. We're not making beaver dams. detected dark matter thousand light years away if it's a thousand light then we haven't seen the light from something that's a thousand. light years away. But you're seeing the light that came from a million years. So all the theory Like, it's really hard for us to wrap our head around the idea of millions of light

36:34 That's one of the biggest theories, that inside a black hole is a supermassive, or inside a galaxy is a supermassive black hole that's one half of one percent of the mass of the galaxy. at the highest point which is always where they've put the telescopes because for whatever reason the And someone figures that shit out. It was amazing. picking him up and taking him to his office and showing him around and talking to him

38:40 With a sense of humor. Was he? I am convinced that there are genuine and valid levels of perception available with Well, LSD, they're bringing back. Good for him. You've got to be fucking kidding me. He was awesome. Larry Hagman, he was on CNN, I think it was. Buddhism is based on. I mean, their book is It's hard to not. everybody being shitty to each other because everybody else is being shitty to each other

42:38 all that and institute But yet it's still a time where against Russia. What the fuck is anybody doing? You know, we are all over the place in when we think it's okay to jump in when a country is invading another country. Nope. Born into prison camps because of the fucking thought crimes of their parents. It was escaped prisoner. basically dead this is a person that's like less look drawings by North

45:20 make them stand there. They fed people to dogs And we know about it, and we're doing nothing about it. sun up to sun down But these stories that we're getting back, what I was going to say is they are true. Nice. fucking computers hacking all over They have awesome televisions. kid, when I was doing Taekwondo, and he was still training and he was on the u.s olympic team i mean he was on the national taekwondo

48:32 and he wasn't a physically very strong man at all. He was a guy that I trained with on a super regular basis. There was no girlfriend. You hear about the... And she's like, yeah, I think I screwed up a few times. how did you do? It really is just, like, they are all over you. He wasn't a physically gifted guy, and he won the nationals. because as soon as them Mexicans came over here

51:22 Lazy, lazy. They want to come over here and get Pop out another little Mexican. Right. And we used to get breaks. Like you work an hour, you got fucking 12 minutes. job and what these guys would do is they would do a four on four off so like if you and i were You get paid for eight hours. Yeah, no, I had buddies. I'm very pro-union in the sense that we have big business.

53:48 I think that things get out of hand. Because it's sort of anti-competitive. sell things. Let's just be real clear. You Oh, that's what you're saying on the other side of the line. it's still you're living in the factory where you work it's like there's this new thing that That's what's going on. Yeah. are involved in internet media that are going to have a way better chance of pulling this off than anybody that's a part of CNN or anybody that's a part of.

57:06 They're saying that the attack, That's what they do. It's almost like they're addicted to the attention. Do you have the video? They go to fucking Siberia. But how do you feel about them if they really did fake this? That's not it. If you know it's going to come, and you get cameras there, it is staged. Chicks don't want to get their hair painted. It seems very fake.

1:00:20 Right. Physical violence over there is so commonplace. Or I think it's staged, at least. Oh, you don't put that on your... Right. I bet your woman wears the fucking pants in the house, Fitzsimmons! I thought that was water No I think this is real The money they spent. That guy has essentially taken over a country. Framed on the wall. They had to go to the Russian one to get home.

1:03:00 Do you know how nuts that is, man? electronics and machinery and it's never existed like this before. It's never existed. This is as high as it gets. go through with pollution and out a way to control everything, to live in harmony. That's the Internet. If somebody threw an M-80 in a garbage can right there, we're just shaking our heads, We can communicate with each other better.

1:06:24 Oh, we already have it. got it. They've already cataloged and are taking, every time you click, there's like five major private information gatherers that are out there. But we don't have access. If there's going to be a point in time where there is no Google. Numbers are being traded back and forth on credit cards. I haven't thought about that. It's a number.

1:08:54 And if all information is free, we're going to get to this weird sort of area where if it keeps traveling in the area that it's going, where innovation and money come to a crossroads. If you show, like if we have free will and a person can't tell you what to do, we're going to have to take into account. Your carbon organisms like human beings interacting with each other.

1:10:28 like, oh, they're building something. Like, why the fuck would you be so addicted Unless you're crushing video, unless you're doing audio editing, We're weird, and we don't realize how weird we are. So we forget that it's a factory. You're a part of a fucking factory. And it's not taking anything away from people that When you're writing, you're working. When you're fucking around, joking around, and you come up with ideas, that's work for you.

1:13:08 Doesn't mean that you have to do one thing or have to find out what you don't like and don't do that first. Find out what go down it and, and, and form this excellent career, what is it? Is it by chance? Is it because you have more than one option? then you feel more excited about this thing. And now I look at it like, man, I get fucking excited every day thinking about what the next podcast is going to be, what guests I got coming up.

1:14:43 Well, you also don't have to stop doing stand-up, which with you and I has always been the main engine behind the machine. I did three months once. stage, I think, like two weeks That was my number one thing Like you're falling apart And then your act goes into the toilet We're going to do some fucking Irish jokes. You fucking, it's bittersweet. I like to travel less, you know.

1:16:48 I like going to Comedy Magic Club. Well, Mike is going to start handing them out Yeah, you want to work with me? Let's go. It's such a good club. Imagine that guy's your boss. I don't remember. that fills your lungs up. well, it's a good lesson for us. cigarettes. That's a fact. It's not really smoke. You're just getting vapor. That's all it is. Yeah, I don't know. We're getting something.

1:19:40 This is filling the air. Wait a minute. But is nicotine not bad for you? That's why you see crazy people smoking all the time. Yeah movie on it called The Insider. Oh, right, right, right. And so when he's describing on Earth. Tobacco corporations. Yeah, and just think of how much money they have. but not other toxins. And you know why I agree with it?

1:22:21 And then I heard that they're trying to market it to kids. The only reason I would want to know that. I think that it's probably healthier than a cigarette, but I'm an idiot. know about me. I don't know shit. I don't drink anything except for water and coffee. It's that people were growing up all over the planet like to develop that that thin slit where you're you know you don't have like this big wide eye

1:24:57 because she can only see the middle part of my face, They're not like big American women feet with the fucking bunion. Yeah. Yeah, I don't have anything. I feel like mine smell, like, bad. I mean, when you have a plastic sock, okay, that's what a nylon sock is. It's not made out of wool, okay? Do your balls smell, Brian? They're, like, smaller than pants.

1:26:57 Ball socks. If you're ever outside in the cold and you have clothes on and you sweat and you dry off, and then it stits you, and you freeze your fucking dick off. Wool's amazing. It can retain your heat very well, almost like a wetsuit or something like that. It doesn't sound comfortable. and the guy farted. And how does that get ruled? The guy is...

1:29:22 So the black guy farted. And then he just said, man, he just farted in my face. So don't you think people for matches are going to start eating fucking lentil beans? Just smell like a rotten animal. Like, man, you've got to wash your fucking shit. And sitting in the trunk of your car and you're pulling it out and wearing it and shoving it in someone's face.

1:31:16 until the next practice. very much, and apparently it's acidic Jews and the plane you could say can you imagine sitting next to somebody for 10 hours would tell you to just smell as horrible all the dirt and all the stuff. Yeah. Like, if you wash yourself, you're still, like, you're scrubbing off a lot of the bad stuff. He was like a real hippie. I meant Steve Jobs.

1:33:36 Why would he put his feet in the toilet? Really? Don't do it. Is it bad? Hey, I took the 405 to the 101 Some people, you ever interview someone on a podcast and you see they're fucking sweating? Yeah. Well, your client, first your client's going to smoke pot, and then I'm going to ask them with a couple of them that have cool clients. yeah no like Jim Jeffries uh publicist has got like a bunch of

1:35:35 figure out what the fuck you're doing because you're gonna pretend to be he would never bring them a client that's not appropriate for them and vice versa, All his roster are interesting people that are kind of independent thinking. They have direct connections with all these people that book these shows. He's like, look, it's a shit joke. is not good because it's about shitting yourself.

1:37:43 And in the middle of it, he had a shit. Ari talks about whatever it is So you could come in and pitch to us, and we can give you notes. Wow, that's ridiculous. where they go over their set list. And I just say, you're working for me. And this guy would go to every fucking set. and he'd go to a coffee shop I think with Jeff Sussman like he's doing bullshit up there yeah and then everybody's like i thought he was doing really

1:41:11 that he can do it. He knows if I'm going to do something, I'm going to I know a lot of managers, big managers, they got clients they don't respect. I met him when I was an open miker, you know, because I've had the same manager for 20 fucking my circle gets smaller and smaller and it's and it just feels good because because i just realized Right, right.

1:43:30 Oh, God. Yeah. we're going to talk about them as soon as the door closes. But it's not mean-spirited. yeah the tipping shitty is a fucking that's a sign of really bad character right right you know The whole relationship is artificial. you work for the business, and maybe they I'm going to tell you something. Of course. you should assume that everyone that comes in is going to be nice.

1:46:48 Pinot Noir? I recommend Why did you ask me three times how things are going? if you get bad service, But, you know, they're not all innocent either. I think it's a good system. I think it's a good system. And I go, do you guys have a tip thing now? That's what it was. We're just putting the tip out. They're dealing with, you know, I mean, let's be honest.

1:48:56 You're dealing with a kitchen of course they exist in a system, a society system, but as an individual, those jobs almost We're done here. sort of encourage motivation which encourages success which encourages financial rewards We've got a weird system, and that's one of the holes in the system. and threw up at Naga. that definitely have a resentment

1:51:24 and you believe in your head that you're something cool, something special about you. gently in this really strange thin material clothes that she wears that or something like that. She's Thai, so she gives you that And you can go out with her into having a shitty will and gave all the money to this crazy Thai bitch Yeah, fuck yeah. Chances are he's a tad crafty.

1:53:39 and all the different shit he did to her right before he died. You didn't suck his dick. might even convince themselves that they are that something that they're pretending to be is he the one I would have married alert me. Just to say the relationship Absolutely. Most presidents. And I think it's also that we're also talking about just two stops on a broad range of possibilities from ultimately totally evil Russian hot prostitute who steals your organs when you're asleep to someone who just doesn't want to work and the guy's kind of cool and he treats her good and so she stays with him.

1:56:17 And he goes, of course I know that. Terms of Endearment he can't even help it you do it right away He should he go right to fucking platoon and the picture and organs hanging out on on the beach it was in The Wolf of Wall Street, too. When he was doing great, It's nature. she does. Yeah. so that he'd be taken care of for life. I mean, that is one of the smartest girls

1:58:26 No, no, no. You're missing the whole point. She's a hooker. There's exchanges other than money that are unfair. me, huh? Come here. You want some dick? I love Right. She's going to fuck her trainer. Rich old man, Right. I had my girl, No, you shouldn't have. Of course you should have done it! You win. than the wallowing He's one of those guys a DJ at a strip club

2:01:52 relationships with them, so I was just talking to them. girl, and then one of her Works for the post office. Coming in with his postal jacket on. He's Norm classic story. It's a wounded gazelle. 55-year-old, divorced guy, works for the post office, Whatever it is, he bought her a new car. and she goes over would ever have You've got to figure out how to pay for that shit

2:03:38 like an apartment in new york that she lives in she gets a check every month i mean figure it And I bet they have some kind of friendship underneath it all. Yeah. that's not what the girl wants. is anybody plotting your death you better be sure you know What did you sign? Did you sign anything crazy? Right. You need to stop going to college you come I take care of he never met her and he was talking on the phone clearly Met on some kind of high-end dating service where You come in. I take care of you. He never met her. And he was talking on the phone.

2:06:19 Right. I don't think anyone should have a problem with that. Put it on the table. it has this massive stigma to it. are, It might not be stable either. you spent all the money, you guys fuck. and taking a friend out and I don't know what to do. What happened there? Right. Right? benefit but that benefit exists so they are willing to do it is that prostitution because if it if

2:09:25 an implicit understanding this dude's got money and he spends it like a fucking lunatic. He's like, here. He's the fucking, some crazy multi-millionaire maniac banker dude. And wherever you go, you're eating the best steaks. And when you show up at the country club, oh, Mrs. McLevin, please come on in. I want to watch. Oh, Jesus. Cuckold porn No they have to sign agreements.

2:11:21 All I know is, there's one And I'll tell you right now, you could not get— Cate Blanchett I have to suck your dick. I fucking love it, because You wish that at one point in time you could be that animal that pulls out his giant dick If the girl came into your office, you'd be like, okay, you're very beautiful. Not only that, this guy ahead of time rented an office, bought video cameras, set them up.

2:13:17 It's like the difference between murder and premeditated murder. She says he's going to get them work and he's not. I had a friend who was out. too. He'll let me creepiness of it all wasn't even it wasn't even available to him until he nutted in this woman's Oh, my God, I got to get out of here. is blowing him in front of her husband. instructions. Come in her mouth. Come in her mouth. And he's like, what?

2:16:13 That's Eddie Bravo trademark word. Hello. He's like the only unknown call I get. I had been in Denmark. cockroach ridden rundown moldy hotel and it's like this sad, sheetless mattress, Did you wash your dick? But some 20-year-old with a girl Transgender woman or whatever. A strap-on. Really? If you look at it, it's pretty hot. what is it like you say things like that

2:19:28 you put that out. Why do you say that? Like Brian has Yeah? Yeah. This is a exploding medium that you guys are involved in. Think about his future. You can't buy that. No, there's nothing wrong there. He is who he is, but there's nothing wrong there. Maybe I'm jealous. Because everyone's going to die, dude. Like you need to grow up or you need to have kids.

2:22:22 I love the whole process. giving because you really love this kid it opens up this sort of door of compassion inside your You need to eat food. This is what's real. See, this is why you took LSD and I didn't. into Joshua Tree and take mushrooms? I would need I would never worry about you freaking out. I'll joke around about that. But the reality is you shouldn't to do. You need to do mushrooms, motherfucker. I'll joke around about that.

2:25:01 because it was based on a poem by Blake that is that drugs can be the doorway to knowledge, to understanding. He used to smoke pot and fucking look through telescopes. they should you're gonna have an amazing night and I've never done it myself And that's a very different psychoactive experience than the processed cocaine, though. But as far as physical addiction,

2:26:48 is... Amphetamine? It's an amphetamine. Yeah. The methamphetamine related to Adderall. is not the original. when you buy cough syrup, Oh, you're talking about over-the-counter. Yeah. Meanwhile, these people are looking at you like you're a fucking target, man. drugs in the country. One of the most addictive Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's called Cat. it's called Catha agulis, or edible cat.

2:29:59 less than tobacco or alcohol. fucking clean. self-medicate especially you don't know what the dosage is right origin you start with five All of a sudden, I finished the book, I've known more than one person that has an issue with it, though. Well, I transitioned onto this other thing, onto the patch. And how do you get it back if it's only an hour?

2:32:21 I never felt that way. Yeah. Their mind can get in sync with them physically. Does that happen? that would have stopped me down before. Right. smoking is essentially what you're doing with Adderall. It's giving you those bolts, because that's when the juices start to flow. I can't believe I'm still alive, and I have to write things down. I don't ever do it when my kids are home.

2:36:12 when you get out of it about the deep psychological journey and this weird opening of all these different portals your finite existence, It's still going to end. Yeah, infinity to me is all going to end. It doesn't matter. You could live forever, it's still going to end. or somebody so what's infinity? of information they had. I mean, who knows? It's not just that it cannot end, but there's infinite versions of it.

2:38:27 galaxies, meaning other universes. Meaning if you go inside of them and there's hundreds of those things that we can perceive within those states. And, by the At the lowest measurable point of reality itself, it's magic. and that as you look out into the universe, Because it's so hard to take yourself seriously. You aren't shit, man. No one's shit.

2:41:13 I'm good. And Greg Fitz Show, Fuck, man. Let's do one every other week. Love you back. Don't look me in the eyes. Powerful Greg Fitz Simmons. Hold on. O-N-N-I-T.