Joe Rogan Experience #475 — Adam Carolla Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! Do you know what that is? It's very nice. straight from Whole Foods or Trader Joe's, and then I'll eat that cow. I don't know. Yeah. You never quite have the balls to go, sweetie, I need a second dip. At some point, you get down to the middle, Like there gets to be a point where you don't want half cheese, half pasta.

3:05 Okay, good. and devour all of my lunch meats and thinly sliced provolone cheese. always mooching and bumming Henry's tacos over here in North Hollywood, when I was a kid, I used to go there and get the broken taco shells. I go, here's some hot sauce. And then later on, when we did the podcast, he lit up a cigar, smoked half of it in my office, and then kept the other half.

5:17 But I probably started from my den in my house and I probably lasted about three or four months. you went right from one right into the other and it became better well you know uh we like to get and then it's time for change. And I was heartbroken. When has it ever slowed you down? And is it, doesn't it just open up other opportunities? right attitude who do the right things right after a change, definitely. But some people allow a change to beat the fuck out of them, and they never recover.

8:28 And those people need to change. And I don't know all the ins and outs, And then I walked away and you took a snow shovel and hit me over the head with it. And poor man always wanted Dr. Drew to hold out of dr drew and all that and i i started thinking myself jesus fucking christ it's been 20 years all I did was take over for the guy who took over for him.

11:39 get getting further away the years just keep on. And that thing you're staring on, staring at, that thing's moved on. because there's no losses. All the same nonsense. You're a nice guy. business. Just this guy is, you know, 0.275, blows through a red light, is completely blottoed, And the boss who was a really cool guy. now you get to control your own

14:31 She was, you know, we were not compatible. Oh, God. Nowhere. It was fucking stupid you are when you're 22 or 23 as a dude also in terms of your understanding of a They're way ahead of you. of it as, oh, you're construing a bunch It was literally like five hours of work for me to sit down with this woman in Beverly Hills and discuss my problems when I was 20.

18:45 So he basically saw trouble in your future. It was kind of interesting. I go, I don't know. When you take not work? I go, do you feel different? I go, I don't know. Be active in it. These motherfuckers drive me crazy. problem is just some sort of fatigue that's based on depression or based on something that's going on emotionally the newt is not gonna fucking heal that shit for you.

22:26 a steel rod in your pants it in your teeth. Just give me the whole fucking horn. biological process that is the erection. There'd be places that would remove the calluses so you could enjoy pleasure with your dick again. So next thing you know, you're looking over your shoulder because there's some dude and you don't know if he's a game warden or if he's on your side or their side.

24:27 But this guy most likely sucked a lot of cocks Yeah. negotiation about swallowing about length about are we metric or standard here we go in millimeters The official way to do it, use a cloth measuring tape. That's very generous of you. Once around the balls, just past the tip. cylinder, filled to the top with water, through just a very thin sheet of like stainless steel,

27:33 Number one, that'd be a pretty fucking good windbreaker to have. Yeah. 2 million. Right, but then you got to go all the late night shows The guy's got a giant hog. That's what I heard. black ones i don't well i got a theory about big giant black dicks thank god dovetails nicely into my We can take a white guy with a medium cock, but we can't take a black guy.

31:24 and see black guys with medium-sized Mm-hmm. making fun of somebody uh this guy this guy came into the studio and just started choking him I heard you call me insane. It's like you pick a random celebrity, talk about how nutty you think they are, I liked him in Blade. I'm sure that there are plenty of people that call me an asshole or who think I'm an asshole or both.

35:18 about yourself it's just it's not fun it's not but david arquette was in his car right so he just The Lakers game ended at 10 o'clock, and Loveline started at 10 o'clock. He was in his town car at a few times where i've like said well this person's nuts and I mean, we have a rich history of being nuts. Every time I run into him, he's like, that's it.

37:47 Right. going to turn 50 what is that like at that point? They were brilliant writers. Yes, he's definitely a nice guy and a talented guy. But you were saying it's just too rainy because you like cars. cars and all that kind of stuff and it just seems almost impossible to do somewhere else but then it from a deficit. it was an alternative career path for me because that's the only way I was ever going to have a career.

41:46 And I did martial arts. exhausting. Some of them are great. All my friends live here that's the thing that keeps me here guys like joey diaz and eddie bravo and all these pals that i've had for decades doing temporarily until they can get some gig on a reality show or whatever it is and obviously Literally, yeah. hey, man, this town's a piece of shit, people will go like, fuck you.

44:54 There's too many people here. I was like, this is just a person who deals with too many human beings. I'm not saying I'm going to be Donald Trump. That means change. I can't believe it. Don't talk to me, dummy. fucking times i turned to the person next to me and i said we have covered 14 versions of no smoking How about that? And I thought, well, where's your priorities?

48:21 They're saying it for the 500,000th time. And I said, whoa, whoa. And then she just. But the hostile thing. Like, you're talking shitty to a person for no reason, saying, I'll show you hostile. Dealing with those people than anywhere They just seem disinterested in LA there and then they look down again and then they hand it to you and then you walk away but they

51:29 That's what it is. And in L.A., they broke pattern. He ain't got no three. The veil has been removed. quick. And I was like, first off real quick, like I'm, I'm halfway into turning around. So you have Well, yeah, real quick always means like it ain't gonna that doesn't mean anything what i'm gonna need you to do for me right now is to go ahead and get your license.

54:53 and a lot of preamble into what I'm going to have to ask you It's just too many words. I mean, people, I'm very sympathetic to cops, first of all, because I know a lot of good Like, if you ask a cop, like, what's a human being like? said what percentage of guys you think are gay and she's like 80 of all guys everywhere gay Like what percentage of people are assholes?

57:22 that if i walked around and had a gun on me at all times, I would have killed myself 15 times by now. A lot of guys go back there and shoot the both of them first. I think a certain percentage of cops, suicide, you know, everyone talks, oh, it's a stressful job and all what they see in depression, blah, blah, blah. Ooh. of people would make that fatal mistake. Especially we're talking earlier about being a dude and being

1:00:19 Yeah. He tased every fucking person in the building. It's almost the having it that makes you use it. This ability to end life like that. the kickback and the sort of visceral whatever firing off a few rounds from that 44 you couldn't feet away from another thing going 70 miles an hour and they don't just fucking slam into each with all the guns that are out there. Why do we not step outside of the studio and hear gunfire going off left and right yeah it's it's

1:05:06 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. allowed to drive cars until they show that they're a danger driving a car unfortunately there's only Like, we got to take guns away from people. cars and make it to work well you know we i always say we're bizarre society and we should always E-cigarettes. I don't know who does. I don't know an individual that has ever been harmed by an e-cigarette. I

1:08:48 Right. When you look at the actual effects of the secondhand vapor, And he was blowing it in here. fucking airborne and now you're taking your dog or your kid for a walk up the street, what do you think that's like? People are hitting their brakes. By the way, the biggest manufacturer of brake pads is called Ray Bestos. And I think Ray's Bestos, I mean, you got to look it up on your computer, but I think it probably had asbestos in it.

1:11:29 Huh, that's interesting. I just got back from a vintage race last weekend, and I drove an old Datsun, and the brakes in the old Datsun, Creates friction. And the electronic suspensions, too. So what the thing basically said was, you know, I was doing a show at like the Irvine Improv, all the fucking traffic, you know, between here and there. who uh was uh he exposed um a bunch of shit about uh general petraeus and some other generals, and he was just generally a rabble-rouser type reporter.

1:14:30 Michael Hastings. Kind of went away, didn't it? 24-hour news stations, outlets, you've got to to keep that shit, you got to keep those plates spinning. I mean, I was very young, but I remember Watergate and I remember that was it. And even then, there's going to be a certain and a fairly large segment of society that's still getting caught up on Honey Boo Boo

1:16:49 attacks, explosions, poisonings, oil leaks, Jesus fucking Christ, another plane crash, boom, boom, Gemini rocket launch. seven, seven, sevens dysfunctional? Can you, can you just flip a switch or have to pull a fuse or later but this was saturday night at 7 30 at night well his dude was probably eating dinner with his his mistress, he's got to go, oh, shit, I got to figure this shit out and give this

1:20:31 And I'm with my family. I don't want to do that. sure you've encountered that you you meet people and they go, hey, it was great when I met you before. which you very well have probably met a million people. things that are happening all the time. Every fucking point of the globe sends you its worst news. And you have to, at this point in our lives, you have to filter it.

1:22:37 or it'll fucking move your life in the way it wants to. Right, right. Well, if you think about language, when language burst onto the picture, when people started communicating with each other in recognizable sounds, almost immediately people started explaining their problems and they started commiserating and started figuring each other out. right now. And the changes between us of today and what we will be a thousand years from now were probably just as radical as the changes of non-speaking hominids to speaking hominids.

1:25:19 You could not see it before then. Instantaneously. you then you're pissed off yeah and and i you know Have you seen this new story that came out today is a temporary thing. I think there's going to come a point in time where you're going to be And I've had that exact same thing happen to me during like heavy duty psychedelic experiences. So do you know I have to piss really bad?

1:28:52 I mean, obviously, that's your brain communicating with something without language. headgear and you control a remote controlled helicopter with your mind, with your thoughts, your little flying fucking helicopter robot coffee maker, Yeah. problem with the electric ones is the battery was literally a brick and it's hard to fly a little styrofoam plane with a brick

1:31:35 It's constantly moving around. And the guy goes, 500 horsepower. But if all that was digital, then you'd have 500 with four motors on all four wheels. So you get the instant torque immediately, but secondly, He goes, he said the name of the gym, Navigate to da-da-da. break on through to the other side, plus that one, boom, and it starts playing. Yes.

1:35:30 And sometimes when you're buying technology, there's a real good argument to that. on a Monday and then the next one blog entry number one Adam goes to do podcasts to talk about this lawsuit. Everything. Holy shit. So are they offering- Lawyers get paid a lot. And they hung their shingle specifically because this is a place that's advantageous to do things like this.

1:38:38 and you'll do it on the moon if you have to. need to kind of band together and we need to fight them and then we need to beat them and then once There's no way. let's see who else is doing okay over here on iTunes. but they're going to tell you and a wife that gives them a blowjob on occasion. Like, they make money from doing this. I can't believe they wanted $3 million.

1:42:54 And that's where the money's going. I don't like it, but there's nothing we could do about it at this point in time. You know what I love about podcasting? fucking doing great if it wasn't for that adam carolla show everybody's watching that stupid We do the exact same thing. Upload it online. I totally understand it. I loved watching you do it and go from regular radio.

1:46:55 Are you even bigger or better now? I think that's one of the coolest things about this business. you need to know. Go to adamcarolla.com using Ting. Tweet how much you'd save We'll be back in about a half an hour