Joe Rogan Experience #486 — Brendan Schaub & Bryan Callen Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Yeah, so this is the point, is that these toxins may or may not be an issue in some coffee today. Yeah. I freaked out. That's another issue that people had with this upgraded coffee. source from a grower. They know the guy. The guy's family in south america and he lives in albuquerque so This Caveman Coffee Company. Sorry. that's hilarious that's wild you know tito told me that the coffee fucks with your cardio he says

2:57 Tito would break a lot of dudes with cardio. Crazy. welterweight. He's done it right, you know? Oh, Yuri Alcantara. I love long distance running. you're getting a lot of people that were athletes in other sports, But this is that we're seeing. Forget this, man. It's a very interesting point when there's options Yeah, it's not true. as far as the purse

6:39 Right. But guess what? There could be a spectacular fight in the UFC. maybe Manny Pacquiao, a guy who can Mayweather, Pacquiao are the exception. You thought the undercard was? I'd have to look at it to tell you. Because you don't know them. I mean, let's go, at heavyweight especially. That sounded funny. It isn't really. You know, Billy's mom passed away and he decided to turn to fighting.

9:52 That was a very good fight. Fucking animals. all these all these issues, mental issues, I'm going to turn to them like, That is hilarious. He's an animal. Yeah. And his left. What? I mean, yeah, guys drag it on, you know, via Fedor or Krokop. to try it out but the game is also timing and speed and power and guess what that's why trt It's an epicdemic.

13:31 We've never seen it. I think you nailed it. It's like the two old buffalo. The young bull and the old bull. You fucked it up already. Yeah, all right. You're a young bull. You know what I'm saying? Who's better looking than Brendan Schaub, maybe? showed up on a Saturday night, got What other stuff? Not really. want you to have all that knowledge and all that and live forever it's like well it's like god

16:13 Sex, right? the same concept with sex he's like man you know and make this even better if we did molly on this Because you're in debt. You're like It's like seeing, You're like, For 15 years, this guy was the man. I think you know. Like, Brian, you know, I don't have an off season. I just called out Mark Hunt. I'm like, whatever. Finally, it was almost like, you know, like butter.

19:08 Well, the UFC won't sanction it. He's going to pay me his purse. No pressure. What? Yeah, for sure. When does that go away? Exactly, yep. Oh, when you're fighting, you know, my last fight, I was the co-main event or third fight in Toronto, UFC 165 against Mitrione. The week of the fight, I can't eat. Well, that's the attitude you have. People are terrified back there.

21:57 How could you think that you wouldn't like your fucking cool hand Luke? And he's right, man. Doesn't have any issues. He covered up, recovered, then boxed his face. Yeah, I'm sure Sugar Shane's a little Did you see that fight? Your kid wants to fight. I'm talking about – that's when I stopped doing it. And I realized all the holes in it. Legitimate kickboxing

24:28 But above-the-waist PKA style, the real problem was the boxing. Joe got me into jiu-jitsu? 96. Joe got me into jiu-jitsu. There was no options. I looked at these people and I'd be like, well, you're not that bigger than me. Easy. Long shot. So when a famous fighter walks in the room, he's the center of the attention every time, man. Michael Jordan,

27:02 and people would call their friends. What sports boil down to the rawest shot, hey, listen, he's going to go tomorrow. Way higher And you're physically strong Could you imagine a person who's been wheel kicked in the head a hundred times? You'd have literally nothing left. And there's a big difference between these two death moves. You're going to be in trouble. Some Paul Haras type character.

29:14 Crack! Tim Sylvia's trying to punch him with the left. Like, the forearm was straight. what was going on, so the audience was yelling. Herb Dean is a bad motherfucker he's yelling stop stop stop stop Noguera and Frank Mir. Well, he's doing ankle locks, man, which is way more trouble. They're going to jump on him no matter what he does. And the referee's prying at him and he will not let go.

31:38 That's so scary, a guy who does that. He does. We both have time. It's like 9 out of 10 someone's tapping. Did the right thing. Like, do you remember Nate Marquardt? He said, I warmed up a lot because I knew the guy was really good at leg locks. But he's like, ooh. And they're like, what? You have to keep fighting. hey homie yeah still going Paul Hart pull that up Paul Harris versus Dan

34:15 Yeah, look. Bring it all the way back to the beginning so we can see what happened before. What is that? 185. Yeah, his childhood was unbelievably horrific. He has this big scar on his chest. could never understand. Was that before the podcast or was it during the commercials that have been published on it now, apparently. bad news i guess that was it makes sense evolutionarily though because remember steve

36:54 They used the smell of this chemical, which has a citrusy smell. Mice. Well, that's what science is doing. I know. But you don't have to starve yourself to look like that. Yeah. But girls have this idea just signed me up for that skinny-ass model. Yeah. Yeah. ass-to-waist ratio, because they're not thinking about fucking them. But women decide. They're told.

39:28 Cultures learn what's attractive. Why guys are attracted to bigger butts and bigger boobs? The baby's going to burn off a tremendous amount of calories. Right. You're also attracted to like a big ass is like the sign of great genetics. Yeah, you're letting your system get tricked. With guys, fake tits and fake asses, they actually do work. Shooting in the sky you got to get rid of bullets. That's what it's like being a man

41:37 We got to start fucking shooting the ocean again. with some woman who controls how they come. Erase my number from here. Me and my dad lasted one day, by the way, fishing. He goes, you lost them all? Like day after day, I became completely desensitized. We were talking about cum. Okay, is that a real ass? Are you sure that hasn't been pumped up? Okay.

43:25 Let's make it. It's intense. to do with the same thing that they're talking Not inherently racist, like unavoidably so, We don't know yet. Mice does nothing for me. right? You should be afraid of floods. You should be And all that stuff's in there. That's why some people from all over the place, are afraid of snakes. They're afraid of snakes. They did a whole fucking research

46:15 He's panicking. Not at all. Primates. They don't have a book to read. It looks like a stick that moves. Common sense would be way more afraid of cars What are you talking about? Well, good for you, Joe. I haven't seen a rattlesnake in 10 years. Hold on. No, the argument is... I think it's a good theory for sure, and it makes sense, but I think there's also some

49:02 Why though? Why is that? You can just chalk it up to that. sometimes you just know. that they associated with electric shocks and hope that the race was going to keep going. Look, it's a hard road for a long time for people to make it this far. So they were just having sex with whoever. They found that a big part of what they were concerned with was fertility rituals.

52:38 So Miguel was like, let's do this. Yes, it does. to the size of an inch. That's too bad. And there's a direct correlation between female promiscuity and male testicular size. There was a bunch of faulty conclusions reached by a book called Sperm Wars. And the big fat head at the end is a goddamn plunger. Like, that's not a good design. the bigger the better, to squirt out

55:04 A plunger and a hook. And that's real. of the human being. Everyone's dick is a plunger. Yeah, everyone's dick is a plunger. Me neither. It's genital mutation. If it's a boy He goes Keeping It's a little bit of a religious thing, If everybody just decides to go apeshit on the American Medical Association What's weird is in a locker room, NFL, college locker room,

56:46 Yeah, well, it's also like we were talking gonorrhea and things like that. I think that's Not only that, more than one baby this decade has died in New York because the rabbis, to the babies. They refuse I have Converse All-Stars. You cut their dicks and then you suck them. Yeah, but is that in the Old Testament? 12 hours a day. I don't know. If I did and doctor touched my kid's dick, he's getting...

1:00:01 That's extreme. It's a fucking cult. Sexual laws, the restrictions on sex were just because you didn't want to catch syphilis Moses, I've heard of that before. His balls, literally, internal bleeding filled up. You can't just do this 270, shred. People are going to figure out who he is. Nah'm not going to say his name on air. This guy's 6'6", 270, shredder.

1:01:57 So he films it, and it's one of the most disturbing videos I've ever seen. My penis hit her ass cheek. Yeah Dr. Schaub in the house Just like you fix a broken nose I walk out of the room. I go, yeah, man, they're pretty big. Two giant gay men. Talking to the mic. If this is his broken penis, this dude's like this. here? Leaves. Doc I go, touched? Let me borrow that white jacket.

1:04:46 How did you get into basically Muslim religion. That might be... They get erections, snap their dicks, They gave him pills so he couldn't get an erection for six weeks, and his dick was in a splint. It's not And it goes straight down Could it make it create more length You would think that we'd be willing with 15-inch dicks. Girls can have fake tits.

1:06:48 They're like fucking fake tits. You've looked into it. Yeah. We don't care because we're trying to fuck as many of them as possible. Whereas the woman looks at you with your fake shoulders like, that are static, while I'm taking care of the kids. I think that this is why you can see a hot chick with a pretty crappy dude. times women are attracted i would never date a girl something like if a guy's really good at

1:08:56 She's going to take Billie that works at the arcade Funny, rich, you know, good at something. There are a lot of guys not good looking, they can play. Oh, yeah. Chicken. laid. Ready? Go. and not one of them looked up. I remember looking at them and I went, man, that's a tough, that's a tough day. a year of my life with you when I investing. Yeah. We're fucking in our 20 company. I didn't know that you were investing. Yeah.

1:11:22 That's great. Well, we talk about this. conversation with people who asked me because they know I love having kids and 100%. Me too. friend Chris Ryan. Dr. Chris Ryan who wrote Why? No, my brother doesn't like kids and it drives me nuts. So some people may, like, how about somebody who is basically unhappy with their life? There's more of these. Look at him over there.

1:13:40 I like shopping. How dare you? You know what drives me nuts, man? I should have said hate. First of all, for you singles If she doesn't like kids, she's probably pretty selfish, my man. Or she's into yoga and makes $8 a day. Okay. You don't run into them? What are you pulling from? I'm not talking about from the world. And Brendan Schaub, she goes, hey, I'm Kelly.

1:16:06 That not liking dogs thing is a weird thing because it's like, unless you're allergic I go out of town for the weekend. I'm not manipulating you. As long as she doesn't hug them, it's fine. It's not severe. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, there you go. Yeah, I can't touch my eyes. peanuts given to some people and it's death well well how about i was eating a lot of brazil nuts

1:18:15 She goes, I can't even eat. I'm clearly allergic to Brazil nuts and I was wolfing down. to? I want to do my genome. told me to take them in my shake. Really? Don't eat a lot of nuts. Because you've got to be real careful with, like, overdosing certain minerals. That's too much. It's pretty basic. adverse reaction. They would get like a headache when they would take, it wasn't a dangerous thing,

1:21:10 They're the reason why we don't have a lot of infectious diseases that wrecked havoc. that can't live in the desert. A very small number. You're going to have all these examples of things that went wrong. And we squashed it out through vaccinations. Don't have an adverse reaction. Take a look at the double-blind studies. Vitamin D. Whatever you is, vitamin D,

1:23:19 When you say calcium from bone meal A certain metal, yeah. You must have been eating a shitload of sardines. Yeah, yeah, take them all. It's all oxygen utilization. cultivating it. Well, it sounds No, I don't. I feel good eating clean. I showed Brian. All over some fries Chili cheese fries. They don't put them in the mail. You sunfare? her own food business.

1:26:27 I'm like, sure. Third one down. She goes, well, then I don't know. Well, I don't work with her anymore. She's so retarded. I have to be one of the only heavyweights who's on a diet like this. Oh, well that's something too. And you'd be amazing how much and find out how much a thermos Fruits. because if you have a bad reaction to gluten, you're seen people go from wheat to no

1:29:38 I love delicious bread. The problem is gluten is just not a smart choice. taste. Exactly. Deer. So low in cholesterol. It's so good for you, too. including mountain lion. And he goes, you see my a grill? It's so good. Steve Brunel has eaten every meat, including mountain lion. Nah, man, I hate it. The three of us, bow hunting, Tohon Ranch. We're going to wear our clothes.

1:31:45 There you go. I'm so down. Hey, and then we spot on Sunday. I got confused. You can't even imagine. You don't take that into consideration? You might work out once a week. All right, all right. Nobody works out every day. It used to be I worked out every day. I'm a dancer. Trying to move around with that guy. You get more tired boxing. And his piece is just bulging out.

1:34:01 It's that same thing that causes men chimps to have bigger balls. For sure, Look at this chimp's balls. Yeah, not just muscles. Those hands are built for Look at the muscles on that chimp. Jesus Christ. Good luck with that. Yeah, not just muscles. Imagine that. go through the fucking jungle. I'm naked in a fray. With gear, with tents That was fun It That was fun.

1:36:00 and you also can get them at a large distance so you can get many more shots. just arrowing. Boom, right through. A 2x4, think about what it would do to a body. like the amount of movement that you could do before you release the arrow. This poor animal comes walking through your freaking eyesight. your your gear being off you could i i fucked up in wisconsin i dropped my rifle i fell on a hill

1:38:37 Shooting an animal with a bow and arrow is really difficult. I had a bazooka. What are you talking about? three days, four days, and you haven't seen one. I got one deer. Not even harder. I don't think anybody's You see the deer really clearly. It goes prancing away. Pull up the video of Cameron Haynes shooting a water buffalo. I'm like, I've got to get one of these things.

1:41:07 in Australia. So it only sees movement. And this whole process He looks like he's in shape, too. So this is a friend of his behind him is filming this He can't move at all You're such a bitch. So now the thing is going to give him a broadside shot. Because right now it's quartering away. I'm for sure hiding behind those trees. eating it's decided that he's not he's nothing to be ashamed or uh to be concerned with ashamed of

1:43:39 Well those animals There it is. Yeah, and it sort of takes a while to sort of bleed out, i didn't know water buffaloes were in australia well they're not native oh okay this is what Yeah, crocodiles mostly. By the way, he's jacked. Armor. That's macho. Brandon. You like to hang. You like to hang. Are you really? I do, because if I have a 250-pound black black belt on top of me and I can escape his side

1:46:52 Yes. It takes away my explosiveness, Yeah. What? But if he trained all this wrestling and decided to put me on my back, cool. That's a crazy way to start your training in MMA. Seems like a very good dude. Why would I spar him? It was trouble. God damn. Even taking him down. strong. His bone structure is immense. Shane had a 5XL glove. They had to cut the glove just to get over his hands. Shane's the reason why they changed the glove. Shane had a 5XL glove.

1:50:06 Let's do it. I'm like, I'm going to roll this big A bear with a dog. I've never experienced anything like that. He's got legs growing out of his shoulders. We'll figure it out. At the time, he was 315 pounds fighting the WC. And Nate goes, oh, hey, here's the guy I wanted to introduce you to. I couldn't afford private training with Trevor Whitman, That's amazing.

1:52:14 Well, it's also not designed to be 300 pounds and shredded muscle. Your body's fighting so much. and I was so nervous, man. hairless cock and stuff it right His arms are so long. Yeah. Got that underhook. Meanwhile, he starched him with the left. He's just a rugged dude. He's just always been that way. His immune system was shit, man. I'd drive like 15 minutes.

1:55:06 Let's do it. We'd do anything. We'd do whatever, man. We could record it and both release them simultaneously. This other thing with Carwin, Now you guys got like Kane, 240. first of all, you're dealing with a Brock that was sick, and you are essentially a novice at it. You can see in his face, like, holy shit. I fought on the same night, right? 21.

1:57:16 Yeah, but I'm all excited. I come back to the locker room, and then Shane's turn to get ready. It didn't happen. Ice on his heart because his body's going crazy. He gives Shane a check. It was a lot of money. Yeah, man. They shouldn't have stopped the fight. You know what? Plenty of time to give up. had diverticulitis then. Even if he was a lot smarter, has more tools,

1:59:42 threw in the towel. Yeah, well, and he had taken such a beating Junior Dos Santos does not fucking give up. there's this group of guys, and However, if Junior fights Verdum, Travis Brown, he's probably going to win. looked fantastic, but then you see him Right. What are we doing? I would love to hear it. Which is pretty shocking. And a weird one, too. I told Hunt, if he

2:02:45 into this winner takes all and Well, I have big lips, so Describe Brandon Schaub. Why Big Brown? Native American and Jewish, 100%. Because no one looks like me. yeah, maybe, but who knows how they got to Germany or Italy 17 generations before. Yeah, when you guys were doing that. Mitrione. All of a sudden, this guy gets super racist in the house. whether you win or not, you're going to be a superstar.

2:06:00 I'm like, huh? I'm like, listen, you guys realize. You can't tell what the hell he is. What? Fuck yeah, it is. Hmm. Yeah, it is bad news. Tough 10. Kimbo Slice. Matt Matrione goes, look at the fat ass. There's 16 total, though. They're about to bring Fedor into the ultimate fighter house. I thought it was going to be Fedor, man. Maybe they pay him like a jigillion dollars, and he's like,

2:09:03 like the casual person, than knew who Fedor was. Is there rules? barbecue sauce. Man. He'd make his He was so cool, man. he was so cool man he was so cool good eating yeah he is he is just a natural athlete i mean he's just big strong He definitely made He makes a ton of money I wonder if they're making any money more. Yeah. You have to be a real psycho.

2:11:07 Well, there's some guys that have very specific tastes. Me too. They don't use porn, They don't like the fact Yeah, yeah. I'm just telling you. reason why this passion exists he called me up he called me up he heard that he heard me doing the and there's you and it goes into lecture mode. On our biggest podcast, when I re-signed my new UFC contract, I go, Dana, I'm going to

2:13:25 No I didn't call him Mr. White So I didn't know whether he had a sense of humor Opportunity's gone Did you over-talk a little bit? No, no, no. he was like, where do you All kinds of stuff. regret saying that as soon as I said it. She said I'm an ovarian goldmine. There's a couple other choices, but for you, that's the only choice. For real. Look, being a human being... Hey, I know who I'm not taking a foxhole.

2:15:46 It's going to be pretty dope. They're going to have to try to survive, and they still might get eaten by zombies? Okay, that's what I'm saying. Maybe I can figure something out. Yeah. I'm going to have a nice pair of kicks on. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I guess, but there's plenty of deer left, too. Yeah, you can get a reload, a rifle. and you do it for about an hour,

2:17:37 They don't even unscrew doors. Yes. When you think about what rabies does to animals... They will go crazy. Before vaccines, rabies was a terrible disease. Look it up. That's why the animal will bite you. You had to get a bunch of shots in your stomach. You'd be scared, bro. Afghanistan. And you'll hear like silence. Don't blame me Shows panic when presented with liquids to drink, and

2:20:17 Wow. Thank you, vaccines. Look those up. of fascinating. He says... A lot of guys have tested positive. I think that Tim Sylvia that beat Rico Rodriguez is one of the scariest heavyweights ever. I think you're right. That's Tim when he was retired from the UFC. struggled to get down to 265 Yeah. I know it's a true statement. That's fair. Rico had a good guard, too, man.

2:23:55 but head kick Trey Tellegman knocked him out. Yeah. And he was, like I said, a legit Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt. Very high-level black belt, I agree with you. Damn. Oh, no. He was known for partying. He's a fun guy, man. Went in there. For sure, and I was a fan. Made me feel like shit. Fuck you. You fuck, you fuck this. Tim Kennedy has been through a lot of bad guys. Tim's just grinning, man.

2:26:57 You're not messing with Tim. Special force. Fighting Bisbing's probably not that much for him. Mouthing off. That's like the Shane Carlin. Like, he doesn't have these, like, break-in periods where he has to get back in shape. Where his endurance is going to be higher I agree. And fight. When he gets that guillotine, man, he tightens that shit up on Robbie Lawler.

2:29:14 throws in this fight against To do this in a world-class grappler like Jake Shields is just insane. So he prefers to keep fights standing just because he's such a fucking specimen. They were trying to get rid of him. Well, I don't think so. If he could finish a guy like Hector Lombard. Woodley's fighting Rory. And Woodley, it's, you know, Woodley can move as fast as any fucking human being in the UFC.

2:31:24 It has its benefits for sure Marquardt stopped him in the Strikeforce welterweight title fight. When he fought Tyron Woodley, you're talking about Nate Marquardt. is still learning the MMA skills. There's nothing happening. that kind of explosion, have that kind of athleticism, that kind of speed. In the Woodley fight we saw, Woodley won. He wins. and he's still going at it in the second round.

2:34:16 Is it 240? Is it 235? It depends on the body. Yeah, he does. That's his shit, man. Talk to him That's what he wants to talk about. Yeah, yeah. He said, well, I never looked away from when I played football. He thought of it as a very, very cerebral game, way more so. How bad are these narrators in these fucking hunting shows? You get out there, they're filming the shit with fucking handy cams.

2:35:57 Look at Bo do it. Yeah, that's a light bow because he's pulling it back nice and slow. Well, that's what he likes now. Is he 51? Herschel Walker's ridiculous. If he started when he Oh my god! Did he fight? I'm not shitting on anybody. There's black belts, and then there's the 1% black belts. And 1% of 1%ers all the time. I take you, Jonah. It's phenomenal.

2:38:59 That's all he eats. Oh, I didn't know that. He said, you know what, I'm bipolar. I'll be honest, since I've started fighting, I'm a little more serious. Cope with trauma or at a high level. It's unavoidable. There's no, right? You did it. It's unavoidable. Yeah. Again, why wouldn't someone sit me down and be like, no. field competing. I just learned mental toughness.

2:41:57 In three hours, just flew by. Let's meet in a couple weeks after Jon Jones fights Glover. All right. How many minutes? No. They asked me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy killed him. Back to Ronda destroying Floyd Mayweather. you're going flying. clue, and he's tiny. She never gets out of shape. Just like we were talking about those mice. But you know what's weird?

2:44:49 You're not doing anything with your glutes, your hamstrings. Is that his daughter? It's a positive note. Little dude has, yeah, he got the good genes. Sorry. Is that fair? I mean, if he's, you know. Angry, doing deadlifts, you know. Where he's like, pumping is better than cumming? What year are you bitches living in? You can find us on iTunes. This is nonsense

2:47:28 Brian and Brendan but with no fucking. that are like real companies. You guys can have real sponsors that are like real companies. Your cack. My cack. Get your dick Thanks also to NatureBox. Show sold out. Bye.