Joe Rogan Experience #492 — Dave Attell Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Dave, motherfuckin' a tell You're moving around, man. He's amazing. Their podcast desk But He built this I saw him teaching a He's a fucking really another Adam Carolla. you uncomfortable. He probably kills his own cows, where they bust people who are bad contractors. He was on, what is that show? The fucking dude didn't know shit. Ty! Temporary butler gig you know

3:52 You know, I really, I really, you know, I don't know. You keep going. I know that I'm kind of out of LA when I see a party store center, like a party store center, You know, they have those weird little ones at those strip malls. Those little stalls Like, I always feel like that's my next gig. But everybody goes, it's David Tell. if that was the only show.

6:36 Well, you get one of those things that dudes use when they race car drive. And you can keep the bag strapped to your side like a pistol. watch my kiosk? Don't worry, there's no business That'd be good. Yeah, hey, this is the code. You know what's cool? I'm like, wow, this is great. Yeah. About Red Fox For Don Rickles A little kid mind longest time were all just uh like cheech and chong type stuff oh really i heard cheech and

9:10 You know, like one of those kind of things. like a Red Fox. Yeah, Red Fox apparently. Where? And I don't know. Like, it's got to be one of those like cool, like He'd be making shit up as he was going along. red fox's club it was just oh man as a comic i remember i was an open micer and i would drive Yeah, I remember. And he said, who is the funniest guy in the country?

11:38 That's very cool. from back in the day. of like the early, early road you know, you know and this stuff the stuff that they would like you know like traveling you know like think And really today, too. There's a lot of old racists, man. That guy was, he's old as fuck, man. your eyeballs and go oh you fucking hate black people you know and like it turns out that like

14:36 to blame the guy. Yeah, he's definitely a racist. You know what I'm saying? Like, they know they're going to be around white people. Now I can't think of... Oh, come here, baby. It's a sad thing to witness, but it's inevitable, it seems like. You know, I mean, how do you think that feels to her? Yeah, but really, how old is she? Yeah. Well, I don't know.

17:18 That guy, look, their relationship, I mean, who knows what it was at one point in time, Yeah, for sure. I don't know. Fuck that feeling that someone around you who owns the team feels like that about black He looks about 84. I mean, what is he going to do? should have done is he's got so much fucking money and let's be realistic not much fucking time

19:45 That's a thousand million. They're both wearing crowns, like real crowns, not like Chuck E. Cheese crowns. Oh, God. He loved it. Someone was on the show. he had notebook upon notebook upon notebook and he rocked it out. It's like, you know, anywhere. Thank you, sir. How does a guy like that get an outlet Ari and Joey, they're both headliners Yeah, they want to hear it.

22:58 It's like seeing like the Bill Hicks and the Dice Man. You had Dom Irera. I got a manager. Yes. think he wouldn't do certain places because they served alcohol or something oh one of those things to make the shoulder pads and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, I tried to get a camera, but it didn't work. Do you remember him? like you know who you know did he ever work

25:48 We did like five weeks in a row of prom shows. He was this big Scottish power lifter. The guy was enormous. and Al Lubell had a meltdown Because you know You know, Those prom shows, Now, like, the kids come out, they're all rolling on Adderall, miserable they are and stop stop the whole thing take it from here you know it's basically like you know a bunch of cunt jokes

28:43 shut down Raise your hand. Not the worst. Because they're like, what are we supposed to do? Because sometimes even Ari makes me feel uncomfortable It's not a big room. you were supposed to tell the exact same jokes to the same people. He goes, because you're doing like five shows a night. Like, this is, we have, our job description is confused here.

31:00 because they have, like, rules there that, like, no other club. Really? Well, in cities. And in your mind, you're like, I know I'm available because I suck. That's like the Comedy Store in LA. Okay. If you put that club in other cities, like if that club was in New York, you know, same look, same feel to it, you'd probably get better audiences. They're pumped.

33:56 I think the audiences are better now than they have been in years because of the internet. We have preserves. well it's not that the audience isn't there man it's just the the amount of connection that you they just might not hear you're in town. happens all the time. It's going to happen. Get the car ready. When I was young and like, you know, Yeah, I never, I had no idea who he was.

36:20 I'm going to go on after this old dude. nickelodeon you know but it was an adult kid show. Yeah, there aren't any real local shows anymore, are there? channel or something like that. That was his It was great. That might have been cable. that were like hanging out there wow, man, this guy to do his Showtime special. He was writing for The Simpsons for, like,

38:50 I'm like, whoa, look who it is. We do the Ice House all the time. Shit. I saw Seinfeld do it once, and I stole the idea from him. It was crazy. boom, he does the set, Oh, wow. That you could actually use. I've got, dude, I've got two really good bits from that. I love it, yeah. You can actually use. I can see, yeah. No, the Cars and Coffee. he was driving around. How cool is that? 1973. Yeah. It's a 1973 Carrera RS. You're not a

41:53 This car's a 2007. I go, what is this? Jimmy John's mixing with Del Tide. It's ruthless. But I guess I'm not that kind of an aficionado. And he's just like, oh, they're going to send us another one. Yeah. Will you say a douche? It's great. Carney's. Like, I'll just be walking around because I'm New York time. a hoodie like i didn't even see him how many guys you get hitting you up to ask to open for you on

45:25 and he also is like, he is hardcore. And then these local guys are like, Remember that one guy that we ran into in Boston that was so fucking creepy? That's how I met Segura. He murdered it. Yeah, that's the contest. It was just a regular show. Because there was a series of weekends over the years So I used to bring two guys on the road with me then.

47:56 Well, I'm like you. which is sometimes difficult to get that going. Oh, yeah, exactly. And he's Cuban, you know? Kevin Meaney? degenerate gambler guy that you're like trying to like call up oh i didn't know you lived in reno He wasn't very funny either. Met a lot of cool comics. it was a long show but you know uh the crowd really was digging the fact that like there

51:16 a food club that does comedy it's not a comedy club with food you know they definitely have those the steak, If we win the raffle That's a full tum-tum. that they had to do that. Here in Los Angeles. Bingo and maybe. 20 minutes was going on, I was like, my fucking Just standing in one spot, this fucking sucks. history stuff, called The Evolution And I believe it's not Goebbels, but who's the big fat guy?

54:06 They're like into it and they're heckling him and he's yelling at him. How many of those are comps? And it was cool because Comedy Central, we went back and forth with the list on who's on the show He's a funny guy. We all got help from the other headliners. So they kind of... I never would get in their face. try it here and here they always have that look of like well I thought that you were gonna get me

56:52 later and he's he's on the road oh that's great doing stand-up i wish i could remember his name At the kiosk. He says something nice to you and it just gives you this big... I think he's awesome. and doing the podcast. hey, you know, you're doing the right thing. That's great, yeah. the comedy store and the coke days he was he had left that and come back to Boston so he was there for like the the heyday of kinnison's cocaine benches was like this

59:12 because they had already lived in other cities for like stay on a friend's couch and do all these great sets and all that kind of stuff so i didn't even Do you remember that? Oh, wow. and then he bopped out to L.A. and, I mean, he was real friendly. The 50 people comedy store shows in the OR. Where's my room? permeated the walls. LA actors. Maybe something in Florida.

1:02:20 Yeah, Comedy Magic Club. Zero tolerance. He is. And all the guys that like the legends that play there, And it's a great place for it too. because I really would like to see where he is. know i was a young guy and like 30 bucks plus you know of course you're gonna get drunk i shouldn't Let's see what we got here. I'll bet 20 bucks Oh, you're right.

1:04:23 One of them is tickets are from $216, $242, $249. I do that same theater. stupid ones in the front row that cost Who, me? I was also a Bollywood actor at some point. I look like Dan Aderman's father. I look sexy as fuck. I guess this is the 90s, right? In Jersey? You could keep us. Nope, I can't do it. rates they're not connecting with the audience they're just on the outside and they're like yeah

1:07:32 I was just there six months ago. They see there's money there to be made. I'm really afraid to go back. Yeah, I'm with you. Yeah. So I think I'm going to stick some stuff on the ceiling, you know, and just keep the – I want it to be packed, though. everything exactly the same. so they're right there. I did Skanks there, and I have to tell you that that is one of the best audiences in the country.

1:09:45 there i've been wanting to move back to colorado for a long time man i don't know how we lived in They have local Denver comics that are legit, she has man you know she's been around for a long time and she is responsible for the majority of Dude, you would love this club. you would go there and you go oh this spot sucks but that's way less now because the kids that we're dealing with

1:11:40 and the 90s without the internet. and they'll come out to see you. and apps and all that kind of stuff that like you know really getting them off that is is you know only heard about on game of thrones like just crazy weird you know trans Staten Island and also, like, countries that you've only heard about on Game of Thrones. Like, just crazy, weird, you know, Transylvania-stan

1:12:58 I mean, I know some English people. Yeah, really. what it is they have him in a theater there for like eight weeks or something like that yeah and He's this kind of racist guy. So he makes a big deal about it, about freedoms of speech. He's kind of like Russell I said. Like Otto and George. I forget the fucking joke That he's hung like a paddle What was the joke?

1:16:05 Well, he told me at one point in time he was doing a Kennedy bit and he told me at one point in time he was trying to rig and like people, you could see people one of the first times I'm a huge fan, blah, blah, blah. Let's hear it. All right. George, do you like plane travel? I'd like to sing a song for Valentine's Day. Come on in the water's great. Dun dun. Hey, is anybody here from New Jersey?

1:18:43 Here's a poem thank you I love those classic setups. What year is this? Look at this shit. It's called Caligula, Fran, and Ollie. So much better. Sorry. Oh, that slut. Peeked in once and said, let me get the fuck out of here. He's on stage. well, I was living in Brooklyn, too, but it was, like, such a long train. It's all gone. I did that place a long fucking time ago.

1:22:32 And the audience has to come down and see it. Is the brokerage still around? Fucking, he's doing great. And I love how he did that show. So cool to see, man. And it was his sort of idea, I believe it was, like, to encourage, like, that style of comedy, like a storyteller style, so it'd It's so cool that they're smart. but it was definitely something that I thought needed to be done,

1:24:26 It's not subversive mumblecore or anything like that. That was the first show. Wow, this is incredible. I have to tell you that the crowd got it right away, When, you know, Kinison died and Dice went away for a little while, and it's just like, you know, they just probably didn't know where to to it. When, you know, Kinison died and Dice went away Yeah.

1:25:37 to just be considered You know like scared straight in high school And you know How long has it been around for? but they just started doing comedy a couple years back. And it just makes it look way better. but other than that, that's the classic stage. It's so cool. So did you guys make that sign for the show? Those motherfuckers, they fake olded it.

1:27:29 The bricks behind me are real bricks, Brian. You did? I'll show you later. The Underground, who we were talking I still haven't seen the Borat movie. I haven't seen the Bruno movie. that was cool to get all those different styles, She really knows how to throw down a joke. So it's a half-hour show? at it you know i figured if i looked at it it'd be a little bit you know smoother than if the

1:29:11 Like the various aspects of what worked and what didn't work. I mean, it was unscripted, but you're right. We were You just have a and you've got producers coming over and giving suggestions and you're fucking writing on this and you got producers coming I've known her from the Comedy Store days, from way back in the day. I guess like people are better at

1:31:07 You still don't know. Let's try, you know, like whatever, like Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Yeah. I have Doug Stanhope. Can you put it online? Yes. rights again it really is uh you know uh it's kind of like one of those things where like i Have you ever had to do that kind of thing where you do the post-production on a project too? I mean, I've obviously edited my specials.

1:33:16 on new material. Yeah, like all my bad habits. tightens up my act when i don't like it you know when i don't like it it forces me to like cut out I don't do it Really? You must have been raised right Like he wants to tell you about his new bits all the time. Yep. Now, the only time I bring up a bit of that, I go, like, somebody um on youtube helped me out or on twitter rather. I was talking about this new, I have this new bit, and in the bit,

1:35:40 It was there. I didn't see it quick enough. Well, one of those things, like, that's something that if you gave that subject to 100 guys and said, Nipples is kind of funny. Yeah. Remember that? Bread and butter. Everyone has like all these new apps. And I was like, wow. I didn't know both it is. I know somebody said that, and I was like, wow. Well, that's the thing about headlining when you realize that, like, you know, the sweet

1:38:04 I'm like, yeah, of course they were. You got to get everybody rolling. And then they should do a couple of jokes so that people know it's not a rally. He's looking at pictures of you from back in the day, you sweet bitch. But, you know, at this point. You actually talk about bikes and wind power. I think that's really cool. Yeah. Yeah, I've been there.

1:40:17 Yeah. Fairbanks? It gives a shit. Do shows at night. But I've been doing it for a little while now, for a few months. bring your daughter in. Oh, in the club. Pull that up, because it's kind of crazy. I buy them from them. They make arrows Wow. archery 3d range no no no go to the bow rack in springfield oregon they have a website and on the It can't just be, like, you know, you put some rags on that shit.

1:43:03 Dragon Breath or whatever it's called. They did do it. Yeah. I mean, like, you know, it seems to work in the movies. Game of Thrones. Yeah. Dragon Breath, whatever it's called. Don't look under videos. thing to know how to do really well like bow and arrow like yeah yeah well it's fun it's like while But I'm saying, like, what's the range on a bow and arrow?

1:44:17 And this was at this place in, I forget the name of the archery pro shop in Orange County where this guy works out of. Like there's a big difference between 20 and 40 yards. I get it in my calf, He blows holes through elk, like a 1,200-pound elk. Oh, shit. That's amazing. If you wanted to just be a guy who was just, especially if you use like an old school recurve bow.

1:46:12 Maybe that's your next show. to get good with a bow and arrow. I can't believe how good that show got this season. I never read the novel, the graphic novel or anything like that. I'm tired of the people saying the graphic novel. You know what the fuck that is, son. magazine right yep and it was like it was like it was like porn light because it had all those cool chicks in it.

1:47:59 Yeah. Pull some of that up. I just saw that recently. Isn't it weird how there's memories that you normally can't access, And you'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about? And then, boom, Wizards. animation where they This is incredible. Good landing, man. This is it. Wow Oh it was that was great they tricked you it was every Oh. It was probably one of the best episodes ever.

1:51:44 Is that what the guy's name was? It's really funny. This is for the people listening. Yes. and he signed it for them. He's, like, if you see him, he's bent over, I would really have to talk to him Oh, we did show that, that's right. He made that jump because he was that big a star. In Deliverance, he used a bow and arrow to shoot that dude. Oh, look at that, man.

1:54:34 That doesn't look like I would want to be on a fucking podcast It's also filmed the same way using rotoscoping, which is real actors underneath these people. What's going on? He's a Brooklyn wizard. And sends out his muted armies Black Wolf's evil robot henchman. No, no, no I guess I was 10 they were so much more... Instead of having it be... And they used to do each frame, move it a little, each frame, move it a little.

1:57:43 This dates. Look how cheesy. Remember this? Pick any game you want. He had a Power Glove? but it was really poorly designed. TV looks like a house. Look at this. They're intimidated. How old is he? And the music, the inspirational music. Watch this. Oh, my God. This is the best part. when they saw this you know yeah this is incredible this guy's steering in the

2:00:10 The guy's name was Yeah, the new one. Yeah, I always like it better. But they have great dialogue. So that's the big show now on in between Walking Dead seasons. Medieval times. I'm telling you right now. What are you talking about? I mean, it was a sitcom about a concentration camp in Germany. Schultz was one of the stars. They would have him I thought that was an excellent move.

2:02:38 Well, this was the season finale. is 30 years after the fact. with an open mind where he's like married Hitler had retired but people loved it. Hail Honey, I'm Home. Okay. Let's see what the opening, I got to see the opening show. Heil, honey, I'm home. Oh my God. Don't touch me. Who's Klaus Katzenjammer? Oh, my God. That is awful. Like a couple years ago

2:05:59 Is that what it says? It says it was after one episode aired, they canceled it immediately. Could you imagine pitching that to the network? That was pretty fucking funny. I mean, I think their best stuff... It's really that successful, yeah. That's an original concept, and it's really cool. Oh, my God. I like having a burner on me. You're so eccentric.

2:08:28 Okay. But when you're stressed, you find that's when you grab for the you know like you know the cigarette or whatever like the drink or something taking care of your body helps I started doing some kettlebells and stuff like that, Well, I know. This is a long run, dude. You want everybody else to Oh, really? He smokes again. wizard wand? But you can do this

2:10:47 Like when you light up, what are you feeling? They'll do this thing. Well, the problem with the electronic cigarettes is not the standard ones like those little blues that push out vapor. It's a big cloud that comes out of it. Like it's not like a mist. Yeah,'s just tiramisu. It's a big cloud that comes out of it. My battery died. Do you worry about your health at all, man?

2:12:15 But, you know, at this point, like, when I brought up the stress and stuff like that, Yeah. That's what you gotta, I don't really understand. pulled Brian aside once We're all killing ourselves together. There is truth to the Well, I'm fascinated by it. coke you know shit like that i'm fascinated by those things so i'm always fascinated by the three hours, right?

2:14:39 How much do you smoke? I get up to smoke has to do with i have to work editing like you know like i have to do the notes at night so that Is that because you're all juiced up with nicotine all the time? What is this, Dr. Oz? Get used to it. is very important to me. Yeah, yeah, I understand that. My car fell in a ditch. doing whatever they do. That's probably better for you.

2:17:16 Don't you feel like with the American Spirits though, when you wake up, you have more of Newports? say it, it's funny. Like, get out of here! black people smoking a Newport. Let me see if I can find it right here. I mean, how many black people like menthols? Pack of menthols is a one-shot. Oh, that's hilarious. Okay. How do you know? I'm like, get the fuck out of here.

2:20:02 most times you can tell. But black people sometimes on the phone have a different way of talking. You should hide under there. I mean, you're not always right, but you would be really freaked out. That guy's a fucking idiot. because he sounds like a white guy, sequestered, like in a scientific experiment, Remember Tyler Knight? Irish people have a problem with the sun.

2:22:37 We used to have this distinct accent. I'd like you uh this is But it was cool to hear because you're thinking like, you know, cause all these different languages were learning English when they got to And then that became like, Yeah, no shit, right? Yeah, I started working on getting rid of it. I love all that Boston patter, though. There's going to be a bit more character in the air.

2:25:35 and the guy serving you has a real Brooklyn accent? And he's the most intelligent guy I know. God. Did he do a history show on Broadway? these really cool high-end one-man shows yeah long story long no that's that's the uh that's I don't even know how that works. You know, that would be, like, the perfect kind of thing. He's going to be in town in California.

2:28:21 Oh, we'll try to get him May 3rd or around May 3rd. His warm-ups for his show, politically, whatever it was, last... I was like, wow, you know what? I mean, I basically learned how to work a crowd by watching him at the comedy the right way, so. Yeah, it's uncanny. I mean, not that There was a lot of guys that, like, I would see guys doing a tell. You're stealing my essence.

2:31:01 It's contagious. And I should do this. Doug Stanhope does that to me all the time. And behind all that energy was also a really Who are you calling, Dave? oh, come on, man. I don't think I really do that that much anymore I always feel like I need to get better you know we all need step up for king you know yeah you i think what you're doing like that that

2:34:15 He said that to Chris too? they start to yeah it's like you know Yeah, I was cool and slow. to let a bit go, especially if that you got to be able to look at yourself honestly. they're going to always look at you as that's that guy that used to sound like Mitch Hedberg. They're like Patrice. Yeah, that guy. and all aggressive while he's doing it. I got a problem with you,

2:36:54 still was like that good you know oh he was hilarious he had this great fucking joke about It's such a funny bit. When he got on stage, we played it after he died. He was trying to be funny. But, you know, he said it on TV, like kicking her in the shin and ejaculate in her eye more famous after he died yeah it was when he was alive that used to bother me now it doesn't

2:39:18 I guess if you're a super fan, you'll like you don't even want to make eye contact with the guy because you don't want to get in his space. Yeah. He was ahead of the curve with a lot of ideas. My favorite part was when he was, like, in the shit, handling the crowd. these jokes are just great. basically we had a tape of his. And I was talking about smoking.

2:41:32 Like, and the guy hits the pencil. Everybody laughs. One with the eye patch. on like a classic, this guy really thinks. People care. Yeah, I do know. while the misdirect is going on, Relentless, I think. when the thing goes up I don't remember. you know? I was like, wow, this is really, this guy's amazing. I saw it live. Wow. Yeah, yeah, in the Boston days.

2:45:14 it's not But it's a part of comedy history. Yeah, Kenison now is the guy that I wish, but I would want to see the whole deal, Was it a stadium show? And he would call people at the end. I'm partying people alright talking about finally he was like Dude, thank you so much for having me, Joe. which is fucking amazing. Dave Attell, ladies and gentlemen.

2:47:57 Shave time. We'll see you dirty bitches at the Lobero Theater. That's the show. some hard drives. And then all the positive energy the shit we love you