Joe Rogan Experience #494 — Brendan Schaub & Bryan Callen Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! He's talking about, I don't even like to eat food anymore. Got to start eating and shove food in my mouth. That's when you know you're getting older. That's why. I think there's a top and there's a bottom. Yeah. top on once you get done boxing. It was on the bucket list. That's a question he asks. if I had one wish, it'd be

2:41 came out of your mouth. I feel like I'm getting duped. So that's my experience with West Hollywood. He's like huge afro. He's a pioneer. But he's built like a CPA. I've never seen... He has that skinny fat build. Zach Maxwell's a real beast. I don't remember the original point. Like he's not even remotely in shape. No, but that's because – No, it's hard for him to move.

4:49 that's how it's hard for him. Yeah. I mean, maybe he's a nice guy. in fact. People become fans of Perfect examples. That guy, the third one in next to the blonde hot chick, I don't think he's that flexible. You don't want that. I met her, and she was a bodybuilder, but natural and so hot. I couldn't stand me. Just, eh, eh. It's not like you took his car and threw it in the river.

7:48 I know. and it wasn't going to happen. There's nothing wrong there's too many song she was the one we would drink wine together i didn't even try to fuck her bro i didn't try to Anyway, and he wouldn't even give it any time. He would try to convince himself that he loved somebody. Look, do you want to eat? Stop. Hopefully, yes. they become... barbecue on a Saturday because I gotta

10:30 because oftentimes relationships go bad. I won't even entertain the idea if someone said, listen, you're going to bang this chick, you're going to lose the Sucks. Sterling, had clearly given this chick. Probably came home from a fucking dinner, had a couple of drinks in him. They're saying two things. They're saying, one, that she didn't nation. He needs to make a pause about this.

12:36 It's worth a half a billion now. private conversation that was illegally wiretapped. You can't do that. Yeah, even though they're himself or not he's still what he says publicly should be public statements and this idea that you're supposed to pretend that everyone is listening to you and watching you every minute What are we doing, bro? I've seen worse, though.

14:32 Okay? Can we get a better picture of her? What's hot to you and hot to... He owns the Clippers. One, as you get older, you'll give less and less a fuck about a girl being perfect. and there were a couple of 21-year-old girls. I still think she's hot. Do you know what his fucking vision must be like? He can't see. and the one girls like easy I can see I can see white hair coming out of his ass

16:54 Girls Next Door. I'm like, it's weird. this really old guy but i'm not i'm not hating on hugh hefner i'm hating on the girls i would you do who don't, but the percentages Yeah, do your thing. So when I see, and I'm not necessarily saying that that happened to those girls that are with Hafner, Well, you shake your head like that, but it's totally true.

18:58 I'm a hot chick. i'm making money just showing my titties then it goes from there let's throw a dick in now you're and kind of interesting in how open she was Does she have a boyfriend? Sometimes people don't know why they do what they do. She's interesting to talk about it. Okay. the bottom line is I think there's Anyways, I go to get vegetables in Marina Del Rey, and I'm walking by this frozen yogurt place.

22:06 your chick wouldn't feel threatened a different struggle. It's an even worse situation. I wasn't like, God, they're going to hold me down and rape my ass. Not even as fast. That's ridiculous. Who gets raped more, men or women? When you factor in prison, guys are getting raped. That's how to get you in trouble. You're going to get that ass up. You fought back. It's still

24:56 Nah, homie, you gay. He squeezed. He could squeeze you to death. He's smart as shit, too. My coach goes, listen, I want you to put elbow pads on now. That was the game plan. It was crazy. He threw a few. But it was the elbows, I agree with you, up against the cage that were the most impressive. That's true. He's something special. He's not just, well, Gustafson, for sure.

28:00 But outside of that. He took a big chance. Manoa's fucking dangerous. He wouldn't be where he's at if he wasn't. You lost. He did. I didn't see John after the fight. My coach, Tony Jeffries, he came from boxing, right, Olympic boxer. That's no joke. I think the fight between those two is Glover Teixeira. Yeah, his shoulders fucked up. We were talking about the shoulder wrench, and he was like, hey, when do I get to talk?

30:29 John grabbed his arm. It's a shoulder lock. That's what you were talking about earlier, that it's a copycat business. Tampa won a championship doing that. I guarantee you I wasn't the only one working elbows on Monday. And then he knocks out Vitor Belfort with it. Wheel kicks, everything. When you guys were calling it, and I'm not taking shots here,

32:26 I was like, damn it, Chuck Liddell's not fighting right now. Well, Goldberg, you know, he has notes. You're associating Chuck Liddell with Glover the listeners i don't know and probably brian as well phil davis wants a title shot and dana comes Like when they had the press conference, Not even a fight. And now, Pull it up. next in line. Yeah, if he dominated

34:43 you have no energy left. I say this all the time. doesn't come around and talk to us? Somebody should sit Schaub down. That's a long flight, man. But the thing is, Phil deserves it. I love Phil. They also look for you to fail when you start doing something like that. Anthony Johnson was the underdog. The guy beat Leoto Machida. He's a bigger underdog.

37:08 He's a monster. Somebody's fighting Arlovsky. I don't need to talk Yeah, man. And I was getting ready for a fight. So I see him like, oh, shit, there's Andre Arlovsky. And then later that night we grapple. And I'm trying to break these barriers, man. He goes, yesterday breath smelled like shit. I'm like, what are we doing, man? And I'm like, ow. And I'm fucking trying, man, trying to hurt this guy.

40:49 He goes, bro. I'm like, oh, shit. He used to be your hero. He goes, seven weeks. Left the beach straight to the gym. And then I'll be in Edmonton Very soon. We're trying. It was dope, right? It was nasty. That guy's a dime piece, dude. He's not just tall. Because I don't know how old he is. That reverse triangle is dope. He's 29. It's really hard. No, I've not.

44:09 I didn't know that. That guard, a lot of guys are doing their guard like that now. I agree. and how much torque. That's an expert One of the best, man. He can dress, too. He's cool. He's funny. It's the perfect name. I love that. He's a great guy, too. One of the best, man. And then was celebrating while he was underneath him. Fuck, yeah, it is. You see him submit Fabricio Camões with an armbar from the guard?

45:42 He's a Hoyler Gracie black belt. But have you ever seen Dong Young Kim knock him out? but it seems like he's got all the talent in the world. Everyone's a black belt. Took two years off. and he just kind of I think strong is all that good, hook right leg kick and it's fucking Aldo's fantastic. But he does have one loss. He's a nobleman young guy. So it helps to have.

48:14 What do you think of that fight? It's a lot to chew off. I think Gustafson's fucking fantastic. Who else? It was a nasty, beautiful, perfect ar arm bar, and John still didn't tap. That's right. going to go up to 55? I think That's the big thing. I think Cub's a real threat. The creativity I think it's really hard for him to make that weight. So you see Aldo will come out

50:49 And he's a lean guy. But he's so goddamn good. 55 would be amazing. I agree. But all right, so then you're going to go super fights. You want to though, it's like, why do that? What's it do for you? Money. That's it. I agree. He's had some injuries. Perfect. I mean, literally picture perfect for the UFC. He looked great. And by the way, to come back after all that time and be that confident

52:52 Was he talking to him? Is that what he's saying? man. He's a freak. He's another one that's a In Europe and in Cuba and Europe and stuff, So you tie it with a guy like Yoel Romero. fight each other? They train together. Those hips. Well, Brad Tavares is legit. Yeah. He moves. Doesn't look like- I bet he can't train as long. That's not what it says.

55:27 I mean, he's just made for war. Let's find another picture of him where you can actually see what he looks like. Come on. there's a timing sensitivity with him. You know what I'm sure there's injuries we don't know about, there's a timing sensitivity Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what's tough. We don't know. Those guys wear out. When he was fighting He's tired

57:22 You gotta bank on that It's not looking good. Full defensive mode, and then occasionally sniper attack, this fool is tough. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck we're going to do. Go on full defensive mode. This is what you're going to do. Full defensive mode and then occasionally sniper attack and then run away. Stay alive, son. When you're outclassed physically.

58:37 You're not going to beat Yo Romero. should do is... I'm going to call Slip that shit entertaining, dog. Look at that right hand. Oh, my God. I bet when he goes to the gym, it's all striking. There's a lot of really fucking strong guys. Look at that elbow. Nobody's ever beaten Cale like that twice. So gangster. You're becoming Ian McClellan. We're going to be like, what are you doing?

1:01:05 It would be like, I must tell you, the fighter and the kid podcast. Is that coffee? Yes, it comes from a plant. It's an extract. Of course I'd love to watch fights with you guys. That's brilliant. No, it doesn't have to be Brazil. If you're expecting cohesive content, something to make sense. JDS versus Miocic. That fight sports. I'm here. Sorry. Eric Silva's fun to watch.

1:03:26 He's got that hair in his eyes almost. There's no call. I don't think he's the most athletic, but it's just the reason why we should definitely watch fights together Right. Not a chance I'm showing up to a bar watching a UFC fight. I know you hate watching other people. guys are packing in right and i'm like dang i'm getting i just get uncomfortable because i'm like man they start asking me

1:05:34 It's my nightmare know a guy who wrestled with you in high school? He goes, all you wrestlers, man, all you wrestlers I literally bolt out the door. No. No. I usually prefer to watch them by myself in the dark. That's what Brian does. No, he's not. Well, I mean, he knows what he's talking about, though. A big John Jones to win has to be good. Sarah McMahon, and Brian goes,

1:08:36 I see what she's done. These girls go from fighting on Facebook prelims, Is that a clock? That's weird. Anyway. He's scared. What are you talking about? He didn't know either. And, you know, they're just regular students. Put down the Cheetos. Some dudes need to be heard. Wow. I don't believe a fucking word that comes next. I remember we were at the elevator.

1:11:33 Or sucking tons of dick, right? This is in New York. And I go, all right, there's a situation here. She'll eat. I just're in the elevator. I'm like, then we get in a cab. This is in New York. I'm not going to pay attention. covered in shit. didn't want to be rude. your friend is great. you're her friend? I'm not going to mention names. That's being a friend, though.

1:13:11 You. don't right physical talent without a doubt it varies wildly without it varies so wildly I feel like a bomb's going to go off. Do you read that? Sorry. I think certainly storytelling is a learned skill. famous name Steven Pinker out of Harvard University. Sure, I know he is. And he wrote a book called The Blank Slate chess over whatever it might be.

1:15:37 With sports, it's different, too. I told them. You don't have it. Yeah, if you're not completely obsessed, it's not something you should be into. up to who's in the UFC, where you want to be at, What if on the other side of that adventure is a guy like Mike Tyson motherfucker he would tell guys things that they would be able to carry with them for the rest of

1:17:54 control it, it'd make you a better fighter. Marvin Frazier fought Tyson. He was never a guy that was a skate so you can run into a monster He looked pretty good. no less than five times A lot of people say, no, he wouldn't. Oh, yeah, he loves it. It's hard not to tear up yourself. I mean, he knows what his son's capable of. I disagree. He would have gotten picked up.

1:20:33 Wrestling. No, no, no. Trying to find out. Bump. Oh. when you fight these certain guys, you get one shot at them, and doing these shoulder locks against the cage. Tyson did that to Evander Holyfield. Because John did it in a legal way. a beast wrestler. I think that Alexander Gustafson I mean, it's hard not to believe your own hype. Believe me, Just going to keep knocking everybody out.

1:23:15 And he just absolutely dismantled Glover Teixeira. Well, Alexander's just trying to stay, right? He's saying Jon Jones doesn't want to fight me. I'll tell you that. I think one of them is going to pull away. I think Fabricio poses a lot of threats to Kane. He's losing weight. cool. I'm 260 pounds. but as far as stamina Everything he's thrown is perfect technique.

1:25:28 And I said this, and now that I'm getting a little more experience, fuck is that guy the moment got to me where i was like dang this is a big moment i beat this guy He sticks to a game plan, and mentally he's just so solid. I like what Winklejohn said to Jon Jones, go out there and have fun. And he knows he's putting on a show. He just was rolling with every shot that Glover was throwing.

1:27:12 He's getting better. Yeah, he does. So this goes back to that. ready he's the best 155 in the world to me i'll say i'm a little biased i think he's one of the He's getting his ass whooped. But now you got Khabib. They posted this fool wrestling a grizzly bear at six. Thank God he's at 155. Yeah, he is. Right. He goes, he is, man. There's a lot of really tough Russian guys you're competing against.

1:30:18 That's not real. Look at the bear. I think so, man. That's so cool. You kidding me? I want a bear badly right now. I'm not. Cute when they're little. And Roy McDonald. So weird. You start thinking about how competitive this is. What is this? He might be the best pound-for-pound guy on the fucking planet. He might be the best. Yeah. And Moraga's fucking dangerous.

1:33:51 He's technical. First of all, he was a very good fighter himself. for a long time. Damn. Judged a lot about fighting. Very much, you could You could tell the way they're, when he's talking about dj and uh when he was fighting benavidez you know And just the difference between that is crazy. Yeah, I was like, huh? Is he out of his fucking mind? He's just slap, slap, slap, slap.

1:36:03 Robert Garcia. fights, build him up strong. For three years He's a beast. I mean, it's his boy. That's a lot of reach to deal with for Cain, by the way. I have a very good friend I played college football with. Klitschko and her are not dating. So he calls me up. At that time, I had no idea who he was dating or what he was talking about. like that guy. And if you're fucking with

1:38:26 And just won with a ridiculous fifth round knockout. Tell me. He's destroying guys. Not old enough. Well, he's also said that he doesn't need to work out the way everybody works out. What's he going to do? He's never been really mauled and knocked out. The circuit, crazy-ass things. And I'm loving it, right? I just love to work out. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. would make me train for an hour and a half the circuit we do like 12 rounds the circuit crazy

1:40:40 jackass who has no idea what i'm training you like yeah i was like what are we doing so i it's something really crazy. No, I'm not saying that. He's talking about overtraining. Klitschko returns three belts in ESPN. You know, he doesn't eat anything processed. Smart. Look at that jab. He's so long. Kelly Pavlik had a problem he's always had a problem

1:43:22 yeah you can't Oh, he was a beast. Yep. Yes. This is the end. career. You're doing mitt work. You're doing mitt work. it on Sunday when it counts. Yeah, what that they feel is going to apply to their opponent over and over Because all access on Showtime, She was on all the countdowns, whatever, this pretty girl, take him shopping, show her in Prada, spend all this money, whoop, whoop.

1:46:12 This is what happened. she posts picture with nelly then floyd's like what he posts a picture yeah miss jackson looks People love it, though. Or I think she said something in an interview. out of nowhere I get ya I think it's more than a chicken head That's a crazy jealousy. head he has a black belt in chicken heads boys you need to step your game up you're suspended

1:48:28 I'm the king of chicken heads, Why? I guess, man. That's a low slung. That's a low slung tank top yeah well my dick's hanging out the front it's whatever with a Some famous people, you start to see what they're really about. What do you mean I'm getting in trouble? A little bit. I know somebody very well. Should you be saying this? I went, that, are you crazy?

1:50:55 Hold, hold. So, I just think it's interesting and surprising that Bruce Jenner may be feminizing his looks. Well, it might be the... Jesus fucking Christ. He looks odd, but you do not know whether or not it's true that he wants to be a transgender. Maybe he is. He accomplished some amazing stuff. A lot of money. No one was hanging out, you know, talking about how great Bruce Jenner was.

1:53:13 It didn't work out. When you take those girls and run with it like this, and obviously Ryan Seacrest got behind them and then bam. It's kind of like the porn star thing Yeah. i'd be pretty damn good. If I was a girl buying that because some people That's weird. Yeah. A lot of skill. She's a freak. It's not light. Yeah. Oh my God, is she honest about it?

1:56:41 Burt Kreischer was saying that the book selling business is so fucked and so bad that unless there's pre-orders, like the amount of books that they put out, unless there's a ton of pre-orders, they barely wind up putting them on shelves or bringing them to bookstores and things along those lines. That's not a good sign. i'm gonna let everybody know that you

1:57:45 and we do a podcast, you're a dirty comedian Dirty comedian, Yeah, no broken dick stories on the final weekend. All our friends and family knew it was him. You know somebody who knows somebody who's seen The Loch Ness Monster. The thing is, you would think the guy with that straight elephant dick would have, obviously, If you have a long piece of metal, mean i would say my friends working with like a bending

1:59:31 Bang. My dick is bulletproof, by the way. I don't like girls that bite. I'd say something like, oh, that's stupid. That gets weird, right? Chicken head characteristics. Yeah. Don't have a severed chicken head, though. No, no, no. There it is. You know how many women are going to be angry at that? like a type of man, we don't give a fuck. Guys can actually stay really quiet.

2:01:59 That's not funny to me. Yeah, I don't... But if it's a woman, you know, and I get it because it's more likely that a man is going Come on, man. You're screwed. I don't know. Was he cheating on her or something? around in a circle. that's not a good that's not cool that's a big time that was rude relax you're not that famous I watch every episode. Meanwhile, she's on the ball.

2:04:16 That's what I think. She's doing well, though. And the guy who worked at the store was like, yeah. people that are really famous you know i think talent is what impresses me you know and if They barely peripherally watch it and they'll make that mistake. They watch everything you do. Exactly. But it was weird. And I told Brian this. I still have the M6.

2:07:06 stuff like that. no, this guy's balling. So we're sitting there. Whatever number we bring him, he's going to pay for it. Really? And I go, well, how come it says different online? Especially when you confront someone on the face. What you are is you're worth not that hamburger. and you go, I can get this guy for $1,000 extra, Just be nice to people,

2:09:58 for everybody to work in, where everybody's having a good time. I mean, it's pretty common sense. he's a bitch. weird stuff because somebody else are you focusing They're stuck in a bad pattern. Straight, you know traditional thai restaurant the lady taking an order didn't speak very good english advise to women, pay attention People tip badly. Dark shit.

2:12:38 He'll come up. You're Michael Jordan, man. Yeah. If you do it like, you know. I'm just kidding. Did he? Really? is Paul DeRosa, and he made a fortune. He goes, really? A lot of smart people lost a lot of money. He'll catch up with you, man. it's in double digits. you know, That's not how I go. When was this? I'm sitting there like, whatever, in an accident.

2:16:12 I go, oh, shit. and you splice back and forth between this guy and these people telling him to jump. Oh, I don't know. The same thing, I was in Boston and actually on my way to John Howard's gym. I feel like I could talk him out of it. my, And she goes, I'm fine. And he goes, were you sitting out on your air conditioner? And she goes, They grabbed her, put her on the stretcher.

2:18:31 Your life's going to get a lot worse. Then jumped up there. Yeah, your instincts kick in. they're like why did i do this this was a bad golden gate is higher yeah they all decide that's 26 people a year. when you hit the water yeah i guess it's not just that you the water rushes into your rectum and your eyes and how hard it was when you hit the ground that was only 100 feet oh. Oh, I didn't see it. That was only 100 feet.

2:20:57 Are you out of your fucking mind? I went parachuting. a mile away from where I was supposed to land cliff diving And they go, well, yeah, a lot of guys do it. Courage is a compartmentalized to another level, son. So you mean he's not I don't look at that and go, oh, that's gangster. I'm sweating. Jesus fucking Christ. I have a boner just so that you

2:23:06 Oh my God. I wouldn't let go. Look how high he is. What is he doing? He's over trees. What if fuck is that? What is that? Oh my god. Look how high he is. What is he doing? dude. It's not like that. Oh, my God. Don't do this. That's ridiculous. He's doing it again. That crazy Ukrainian climbing guy. I go, I'm not letting go. please stop doing that. Like it's one of those horns that clowns.

2:25:37 You got to hit him anyway. You got to establish your position. There's chicks around. It's a beast to get up there. Like, I do not want to do this but i have to do it Joe. Okay. not going to do it pros and cons not going to do it the horseback rider jumps his his chubby girl So that's the mother of my children. I was mad because I didn't have a good instinct about it. i was mad because i don't like the ocean i was mad

2:28:59 Let me go first so I can turn around and grab you. And I'm telling you right now, I grabbed her and she goes, get away from me. Okay? Let's wait until it calms down. And I think I got to get behind her. He comes up and I go, take her, take her. I ride the next wave in. I grab my friends. We'll see you later. if you're out of shape to your face losing my life. I've never had that experience.

2:32:21 He didn't know we were in trouble. That was a bad situation. my buddy used to have to take uh he would he would make his money by sailing boats in the winter for would just come over the boat and the whole boat would submerge and that happened that happened So the rocks and the water. What? What do you mean? Keep it. If you fall in that water, you got about two minutes before you have hypothermia.

2:34:59 I'll tan and take steroids and become a gay stripper. Just for the adventure. Decided he was going to get a boat and just join and become a fucking crab fisher. neighborhoods more mellow like neighborhoods that are near the ocean yeah the problem is they're Thank you for saying Jacques. I'm not even trying to be funny, but I won't surf like with just me and another buddy.

2:37:03 is you're mimicking what a seal make them so we don't look like fucking seals? uh he went a day off of shore um from i guess los angeles i think it was near guadalupe island or He's a musician. Because it's animation. I went to a party at Callan's house, a kid's party. Did some crazy shit. I was like, bro, is there some sort of race you're going to do from here?

2:39:31 He is obsessed with the examples of human suffering. Him and my brother look very similar. You could. UFC 174. You're always in sort of like maintenance mode. Tomorrow i have people make my food now supplements are on point everything's really really serious what do All my meals are cooked. Gluten-free. Big difference? Huge difference. It've been doing that for a while, right? Yeah. No gluten. Yeah. Gluten-free.

2:41:53 And the other thing is friends ask me to go out and do stuff. For me, I have to be. so we're going tomorrow. Condition is another level. That's cool to see, man. Those are the best ones, right? It's all about recovery. You know, like it gives you a definitive, like you know you're in shape. And what's cool is my coach is so on it that from last camp

2:44:19 See, I like to run long distance. Yeah, I was going to ask you. Exactly. It's low impact, but you have to go such a far distance to get a good workout out of it. A spin bike could whoop your ass. I know if I'm sprinting, I'm running. That's probably why you don't have the injuries because you've been running all my life. I just... That's probably why you don't have the injuries

2:45:56 in between fights. We did it again. That was pretty easy. It was a great fight. to do this again? And that would be like I'm going to say skip over this if you're looking for I'll tell you in two seconds. That's 1-800-Flowers.com. Got a lot of shit going on. Hope you like it.