Joe Rogan Experience #503 — Sam Tripoli Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Joe Rogan, he figured it out. but I brought it for you, this artwork by my buddy. Well, I know your material, so I would agree with that, like it that so it's like fun well i know your material so i would agree The owners, That's so ridiculous. Those are hardy folk. Well, it's blue collar with money, but it's also people with a certain level of character.

2:36 guy who winds up falling asleep in Who just walked, and somebody had to walk by going, I think that girl is dead. You can go way too deep. What does it say? Who just drops the chick off like that? That used to hang out at the comedy store? He hangs out. Forever. You're too drunk. You have to be a really bad person We were driving and I just heard my window go down.

5:28 And then the dude gets drunk and just becomes a maniac. But did you feel you becoming Jekyll and Hyde? Taking my medicine. Well, no, no, no. Yeah. Because they're saying it about women. If you want, few drinks, that's rape. goddamn extra layers, it doesn't change If a school teacher blows a 14-year-old, it's not rape. I mean, yeah, it's going to fuck that kid's head up, but it's not a goddamn crime.

8:25 different laws for different people, right? men and women, that like to get drunk to the point where you fuck them and you forget to wear a condom yeah yeah that's totally It is definitely that but I think there's also There's girls that are just like god damn it I want a baby in the raising of this kid at all. That's incredible. This new thing with the guy from

11:09 patrick right what'd i say uh we i don't think we remembered his name yeah the the lead i forgot Okay, let's not even read this. I'll get sad. condom out of the room they yeah they don't want your loads dude they nuke What's up, man? The guy on Twitter, he got 100,000 followers. I got to work with him recently, and I feel like I never really. You are weird.

13:11 Brian, we talked about this before, but why don't you fucking small I can tell you where you can go you can go to the John Lovitz you You can get spots. Right. place was amazing but there's the headache around booking it and yeah And it's totally fun when you just keep... called crime fighter and that material is really old but do the best of this and this best of this

16:14 I probably should have just done totally new shit, but I had better versions of those bits That's some brave ass shit right there. And I think it's easier to write. and have a fucking great idea in the middle of just trying to be silly in an email and you're Yeah. When I have material I know that kills See, you know what happens, right? that like you'll see guys like on the road especially if you bring a guy on the road that

19:16 Right. a lot of them put this humongous amount of pressure You know, I want to laugh. Like, if you're paying $50 compared to going to a show where it's like, Right. people. 200 dollars a ticket. You know? What? So we should probably correct. this is a good opportunity the when you see those super So I do some of the times when he's not there, I do his spots.

21:52 I mean, the place has been there for a long time. or if he was the first i think he was the first but either way it's like a goddamn museum stop I saw some guy doing that at a restaurant the other day, Yeah, but it's not legal. Somebody would kick you out. It's vapor. So when it goes out into the air, isn't it also transporting at least some of the nicotine?

23:58 It should be zero. that thing out i can see it it's a fog machine's a fog machine. I don't believe that. I don't believe that. They're saying, look, they're absolutely better for you than regular cigarettes. Are you done with cigarettes? Health experts are saying this, It might be just the oil. Like, that's all you're getting. Like a flute. F-L-U-K-E is a fish.

26:06 Wasn't it a flu? on the end of a wooden instrument. Hmm. Yeah, an accident or chance happening. now let's look up flu f F-L-U-E, Any duct or passage for air, gas, or the like, Well, you can do, like, you know, you go to the barbecue, like, I've been looking up these I thought it would be more self-contained than that. Your body's just trying to burn off all that extra flesh

29:22 Really? was not right, man. I felt like I was, Good for her. Yeah, well, what Sam said Like what? You're on stage talking about robot maps that shit, man. There's been so many times where Sam has said something where I'm like, dude, what are you doing? I just literally Because I was running one day in La Jolla. next to La Jolla? Or maybe it was so funny

31:31 I know it's the same basic place, but nobody was like- Yeah, but I mean, seriously, stop and think about that. You know that, right? You have a fucking CD that's number 11 on iTunes. Believe in yourself. But I really think it more has to do with me looking like I'm barely holding on as I run. You're working on a bit. would you live in Cleveland And I'd just save all my money for a Greyhound.

33:02 But everybody would be on crack. I was walking my dog. Those cows are eating good. usually get something out of them like milk yeah welcome and then the big male ones boy Yeah. animal protein is high in omega-3 fatty acids. It's just no big deal Because it's weird what people just get used to. Just like this is my reality. They become used to the community

36:22 No, I don't mean that either They should have the option, I think. but i really couldn't imagine what it's like to be a child molester someone obviously can could Tommy Morrison. And how can you, you know, it's just, you have it, dude. That's gotta be rough. was saying you can go fuck these guys he was like i don't care what you do with them fuck them go

39:16 It's just like having herpes. Will they ever cure it? No. But we don't have, I don't know, who the fuck is smart? So anything that I say about what's good for you and bad for you is just fucking pure speculation. Viruses don't make any sense to me. Bacteria of it makes any sense to me. It's chaos. Viruses don't make any sense to What about this MERS or MAR?

41:53 of information about this because i did a whole special on on that sci-fi show on infectious It's a very small. a shit ton of them come from the way people raise animals in factory farm conditions. And make love to them? but there's so much of it that was so fucking true and funny. It's terrible and mean. The difference between a gay joke and an evil like homophobic joke there's a

44:35 Yes, I agree with you 100% that the subjects are always going to be completely open. AIDS kills fags dead. That is as homophobic as you can get. Is there irony lost in the way he's pouting You're like, aww. but they didn't talk about it, but he didn't hide it. And I think that during that time time everybody got so perplexed i think bad gay motherfuckers just badass gay dudes

47:15 under that like fucking cowboy shirt, That's not real. Get the fuck out of here. He kept puffing on the glass dick. Back that up, because one of those look real. That looked like a perspective thing. He looks super gay. God, what a sexy beast he is. That's frolic. He looks so big. I didn't plan this. Neil Patrick Harris. I think because he has- But he's a funny guy and a talented actor.

50:24 And, you know, if the Midwest Oh, yeah. He wins. Yeah. If you were in musical theater? Do this. And they just go to rock concerts? They call it a musical, but it's really like a sketch comedy performance, and it is dog shit. we were all talking, I've never been a fan of the art form. a lot of people think that in my act but that's fine you don't have to go see it all right some

53:50 Yeah, that was awesome. There's guys that are doing handstands on each other's arms. Fuck, I can't do that. It was both. How far did he fall? No, it's got to be more than that. That would suck. They were all these wacky kittens. you're creating a real fucking problem. parasite that people have. Isn't there something about like some bacteria It makes the rat sexually attracted to the smell of cat piss to the point where his testes swell up and he's in estrus.

57:16 Acorns. They're evil from the jump. Now look, this rat, you can kill the language, but this rat starts going towards these cats That rat just jumped on that cat's back. Look how crazy that is. Give me that butt. Yo, dude, how crazy is that? That rat just jumped and how does that form and how did Noda Yeah, well, look, God has a plan, Sam. And do you know why?

59:24 You'd be like, okay that's that's the reason Meaning there's places where people allow what you're saying is evil and it's going to ruin society and society is going to crumble. and flying monkeys teabagging everybody. It's really that simple. And then feel terrible about it I've read that book. and bragged about never having had sex with her, and yet obviously fighting off the gay tooth, claw, and fang.

1:02:17 Put a leather paperboy cap on him and no shirt and cut off jeans. where you could go full fucking body. personal trainers back then. Well, that's people, man. I think a lot. also there's here's the other problem with fear and this idea of everyone should be loving And if you can run into with love and some people say well you gotta treat them with love and they go oh you fucking liberals

1:05:26 Someone's doing something fucked up. Can you fix them? it's defined them as a person yep and i also feel that there's so many people making money off of shitty people. Right. Yes. that want to believe in global warming simply because it's like the conservative viewpoint But he said the real issue is there's a lot of other factors that play a part, and about what it used to be like here on Earth.

1:09:02 that all scientists accept is that 10,000 It's unbelievably insane and it's a fact. That used to exist during that time like that cycle was like how people dealt with life just like those people that live up in settlers came to North America, you know around the same time that settlers came to uh north america you know the And occasionally polar bears.

1:11:09 Which is rare. Little interracial. if a bear has a belly full of berries and it's just sitting there chewing along, he Jesus. There's no berries. down in the zoo. He'll let you go. Do you see all the sardines that are washing up in Venice right now? Not good asshole either. And it involves dumping iron in the water. The metal in the iron would actually facilitate plant life.

1:14:00 I hear you. That's enough. and some, like the phytoplankton that forms the baseline of marine food web, need to grow. Yeah, that's the other thing that this guy, Well, isn't that their deforestation, they're cutting down the plants, mean there's less Where they weren't exposed to the sun before because there's this deep canopy of leaves and the rain, the moisture stays there.

1:16:43 What about cows farting? Cow farts are dangerous. that the amount of methane, a greenhouse gas So instead of 20 times, probably 100 times more impact. So agriculture just by itself is a big impact. I guess it's all cows. like the sense of smell, like some of those industrial pollution places in New Jersey, And you would drive in, you're like, this stinks.

1:20:09 and they just keep it open. That's the same company? That's so weird. I'm not sure. You can't just say that Shut the fuck up dude What's going to cause us more You're saying GM Avoids recall. Right now, there's not enough people that are having the problem, so we're not going to worry about it. You can actually find out. So if you want to talk about something

1:23:07 You're not stating any facts. The battery's dead. there's been some actively got together with the lawsuit That's how you get sued. Sue me for the move. No. massive recall of cars with faulty ignition switches that have been linked to 13 deaths. We should figure this out because we've been talking about this for a while. sometimes deadly but they failed to do anything

1:26:05 I don't know, but it's on justice.org, though. And it goes through all of it. and it's crazy like they knew that these were death traps and that they they were telling They knew about it in 1997 have been 100 fucking years ago? Because that was all Also, they calculated severe burns, serious burns, 2,100 burn vehicles. This was when they discovered the faulty part in their car.

1:28:48 Oh, and the Ion and the Cobalt, they knew about it for 10 years. That the Pinto would blow up. It's like old Milwaukee beer. Yeah. Oh, that Malibu that blows up. But still, it's like, okay, what is it? Like you all, they should hang them by their ankles in a fucking room full with rats. I'm not just saying like, you know, oil corporations, I think it's still going on right now to a certain extent

1:32:05 One dude hacked into the FCC, SEC, right? Well, they're the ones making whether they're going to let Time Warner and what was the Was that Clinton that just made it so that they could consolidate more? It's evil, and it's just another opportunity that people have to corrupt something to make some money off of it. be into it for a little bit but not really totally understand it whereas now it's like hitting your

1:34:17 Isn't the guy who wears the dresses? Is that it? Have you seen that book? Really? Did you hear about that killer, the guy He had stopped paying off his house. That's really? remember man you think that's drugs also who knows man who knows i've heard stories about that people Oh, better kill my wife. how does it make you kill somebody? I mean, it's like, I'm not married, man.

1:37:45 More often, yes. The only people that I know where the guy and the woman someone you know. It's so funny because- Well, it's not always the husband. I mean, it's more often the husband. More often, yes. I heard that also. I'm sure people have alleged that. Just because they feel bad? Joey Diaz has a funny joke about that. That's what people always have an issue with, a girl flying out to hang out with a guy and stay the weekend.

1:39:29 She's like where are you Yeah Yeah. I think what we were talking about earlier, that's rape. What's in your mind? But if we were like sitting here going, well, you know, it's pretty clear in the Bible that Of course. It was that homeless guy and what Patrice O'Neal If it's coming from a place where you're trying to hurt someone's feelings They were trying to say that bossy is like the new cunt, you know,

1:42:19 Ghetto? Yeah, and it just becomes something new. You know, everybody gets offended by other words, and it's just like, listen, the N-word and the F-word, there's definitely history behind that. You don't like the word faggot. If you don't like it, you don't like it. of words and trying to limit the use of words and Well, when you add in those things together,

1:44:51 Yeah. Okay, you're talking about the Colbert report thing. He's so smart. It was this thing that started trending online because they thought that Stephen Colbert put out a racist joke. And she uses a lot of progressive lingo Which is hilarious. The hashtag Cancel Colbert became one of Twitter's twending didn't understand what was going And then the guy interviewing her on this Huffstein Post thing,

1:48:10 So fellow Asian-Americans were attacking her, And it almost gets to the point where sometimes I wonder if they're just fake outrage just to drum up who said the statement, people The cross-promotion of more white male celebrities proves it. Others wanted to silence us immediately. uphold white supremacy. Right. It's really kind of the way that I understand my work, which is why a lot of my work isn't

1:51:29 Maybe you went to university for a year or two. Late Show. You know, this is kind of unfair unfair and this is like a part of the You know, it's like she's born in like 1991. That is racist. I do have a point. Maybe she's educated, maybe she's not. called her stupid like the guy actually called her stupid. Like said, stupid. white men? Or like their Asian parents?

1:55:54 Yeah, it's kind of funny. And then Josh Zeps tweets to her, It's a new thing. Oh, she's now getting into stand-up comedy because of this. So the guy said to her, he said it's just a stupid opinion. She basically said that he's pretty much not allowed to comment on it because he's not an Asian man. Let's pause that for a second there. because you're privileged. That race is privileged. So there's like a balancing act going on. And the

1:58:40 It's working, and it's getting better. The commercials are multiracial. And I always wanted to be on that, because I wanted to be the white kid. So I can understand Without a doubt, white people have it way easier. I think it's 100% true. But then again, imagine if you were going to school and you were a black guy who's experienced a lot of oppression.

2:01:15 lot of people and that's annoying to folks but the idea that a white person can't have an opinion wait tables at Denny's. It's a different world. that are the so called Social justice warriors They're trying to More racism let her make the money but let's listen to this video uh... cancel colbert Using satire that ironically ridicules Asians is not productive for indigenous nor any marginalized

2:03:50 This is not the burden of people of color. Why cancel Colbert? football team that has a racist name. It was meant to be satire. I mean, do you understand the point of satire, that you say something that's intentionally absurd in order to ridicule end racism by joking about it. Like I'm glad that the white liberals feel like they are less racist because

2:05:59 yellowface jokes against Asian American people, or if I'm really just talking about Native American mascots and Dan Snyder. aren't really funny. Jason, part of the whole gag here is the use of the term Orientalism, I agree. Just saw at Colbert Report tweet, I share your rage. Who is that, though? I'm Stephen I didn't give up my right to be able to have an intellectual conversation when I was born. I know, but white men definitely feel like they are entitled to

2:08:12 That's incredibly unproductive. Look, it's unfair. is done by Asian comedians. Like, why do fat guys tell tell fat jokes so that you can't Of course, Jamie Kirstein. I was joking when I said that he would help her with her comedy. Men are getting all these women pregnant, doing all the raping, building all the roads. Still, but I don't buy that. least important thing to concentrate on is

2:10:41 global issue. She's trying to do it. Could you imagine? laid down when we were working together in Edmonton, Yeah, we did it in the same place. Because that was a fun set, dude. Yeah. That's funny shit, man. We're all taking pictures. I would have opened the bar. Swallowed them Like a fucking drug mule Rogan? Ian Edwards told me he was doing that there.

2:13:27 and then he came down to the Comedy Store afterwards. How many specials have ever been done in the OR? That's dangerous. they record your set. they're just trying to get asses in the seats, We're giving you a great place to perform. that are legendary. Let's pack that bitch. just doing rock clubs. who was really good Fucking, I just fell apart. I'll read it.

2:16:20 player, is now a lawyer? for The View. What was it? And she was talking to this guy who's a former football player, face that she had. He was like, there's There's nothing wrong with that. We appreciate it. Bye. We're done covering this subject we're going to discuss uh gay military in teenagers, if you're discussing it like that Exactly. They love it. They love it.

2:19:19 To a point where it chills them out. You literally, you're tuned into whatever the fuck it is better. I am gone. like an improv troupe or there's an open mic, which can be like two hours long, so people And by the time my foot hits the stage, I am gone. With that nice gay face? I'm so hot. He just knows what he's got. Get the party started. Always.

2:22:24 That won't help your cause. I don't think that helps anybody, but maybe out. I don't think that's a good thing. That won't help your cause. Who's that? where she did an old bit that she's been doing together She said she'd be a first-round draft pick because she's a big girl. Yeah, she's a big, wait a minute, wait a minute. She said she'd be a first round draft pick. If she's a slave.

2:23:39 It was the girl from 12 Years of a Slave. It's all my love. Had nothing to do with slavery. So she was on Saturday Night Live? Why did she do that? We should hear the special version But it's the same thing, right? I mean, you just hear comics laying into her, and I'm just like, what are you doing? What was it all about? Yeah. If you like what he says, you reward him by going to his shows, buying his CD.

2:26:47 Thank you very much, Colin. She loves asking for dick, by the way. Yeah, I know. You would pick Lupita. Look at me. See, I'm single right now. I do not want to be a slave. Chef! COVID! pick. guy to banter back and forth to make it look like it wasn't a bit. Oh, she loves to sweat and hug you. How long ago was this? Three or four? and you find out how good of a comedian you were and if you did really well there it would word

2:30:49 I was a big Tool fan at the time, and I still am, but I did a bit about when I got pulled over by the cops, Then I just became a regular really quick. I was going to do a showcase and Jamie didn't show up. So I'm like, I'm just Pull up Dane's Instagram. I'm like hey Dane I'll see you later He's got his shirt off and Read the caption. I've worked with wonderful charity organizations over the years and I'm grateful to have always given back and being mindful that the future success depends on how I can create for others now.

2:33:40 says something even funnier. It's interesting, guys, that we're in this great place at one point in time, and then everything is kind of like kicked out from under them. You know, it's all a lot. It's interesting. I don't know. Well, I mean, he's trying to pump himself up. He's getting excited about things. his fucking Instagram. But people were sending it to me going, what the fuck is this?

2:34:54 so that's kind of sucked. You should do the same thing with all Dane Cook's tweets. I know, I know, I know. He ain't a bad guy. It is. Hold on. I think that's just Randy from American Idol or something. If you go to Seth Rogen's thing, Okay, but here's my question Why, if you made an outfit that makes you look like an Hasidic Jew, why is that anti-Hasidic

2:38:05 But is that what that is? I don't know. Badass rapper. Manasiahu? Manasiahu, if you went on stage dressed up like him, is that anti-Semitic? Let's see if I can find video of it. Yep. Jesus Christ I didn't find offense to it I think you're right. And if you're going to be able to paint a story, Is it a stereotype? Those are real people. Those are real people.

2:42:01 If you're going to make a parody of an old black boxer, Only the most positive. would all right they would uh the old days when they would do like uh fake asian characters yeah The actress who went if I'm someone I want to go as Right You can't do tan face A white person Is that what you're saying Believe in Yourself Let's get him past the top 10 for some fucking reason.

2:44:56 He's a bad motherfucker. Where you at, son? I guess I've dropped. Ugh. I today, Louis C.K. is number 14. Where you at, son? Yay. You're not on any TV shows right now. Top 10. God damn, that's a show. That's not what he sounds like. Okay, we'll see you soon. the Orpheum on June 13, selling out fast, bitches. And a big kiss to you all.