Joe Rogan Experience #510 — Tony Hinchcliffe Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Joe Rogan Experience. You know? but they're a lot more like, uh-huh, uh-huh, than the cities around them. You think of Cincinnati, you think of Cincinnati WKRP. Oh, it is? You guys make some great shit. he did that later he did that that poor bastard people have hubris man they think they can say Powerful fast food conspiracy theory. They're trying to kill you one way or another, bro.

3:22 Were they Twinkies? known as being like, you know, if you think of They have some good chocolate chip cookies. They tied for who could best fry chicken. You can't get a bucket of chicken. Chicken littles? Like, he really did. Right. They just throw them right onto the grill, there's something something's got to be missing there i don't i mean i'm no scientist but i think

6:15 That shit ain't a regular pea. I would say you're losing the essence of the life form of the plant right i mean it just takes time to rot that's what it is thaws out you have some dead bacteria and for balancing your stomach. is good for you and completely delicious at the same how crazy is that like it makes a hot dog They don't get to be on hot dogs.

8:39 between a bratwurst and a sausage that's a good question maybe it's a name it must be the preparation right Oh, I see. You can call it a bratwurst all you want. What do you think caused certain parts of the world to develop that sound? Well, we're a fascinating example for the rest of the world. And we're going to make more bombs, This is English, fucker.

11:27 We fucking took your language and mince-ed it. It's getting ugly, dude. There's nothing wrong with his mom. She got Sarah Tiana'd. She's so crazy. highway. And the guy finally this huge gun, and he just starts walking down North Hollywood with this gun. The news for like three hours or however long it was and then sat down right next to him, We want all these live altercations to go down Well, it seems like four hours. You know, the problem with it, we have a short attention span.

14:55 Yeah, he was shooting those guys who look like Bullwinkle's buddy. I can't remember the exact thing, but they weren't surprised. And it's like, he was talking, their head being famous in that way is having an impact and you know obviously the guy had a huge about being raped by chicks. about it for men. Well, yeah, I was going to say, I'm about 130 pounds,

17:26 Because he's been a woman. and he does that windmill thing. So in doing so, he's searching for it. year old kid and he filmed the whole thing like it's illegal or something to do that. I actually had to go in the other room You're fucking flabbergasted. I love this. Stop. Yeah, can you guys hurry? Get some people here. Yeah, I think this is fake. Her hands are ripping in Thera's mouth.

20:48 If you weren't assaulting me I wouldn't be touching you. I'm being beat your ass you little mother fucker! Can someone call the cops? I need a snuff in! That video makes me crazy. What's funny is he wasn't in danger. She did, right. And he just wasn't telling us about these if she was in a defensive position you know what i mean absolutely it's amazing yeah there's no doubt there's no doubt

23:29 You're showing up and two people are beating the fuck out of each other. will you stop assaulting me while he's selfying himself come on right i think that's funny i shouldn't hover over their backyard where they're trying to suntan and film them i don't know what You're going over the treetops, to get a rig like this. There's a lot of people that could

25:25 They'll grab a drone With how long they can stay up in the air They need to work around that. I think they can only to be an eagle you know yeah they get that shit really really good it's gonna be nuts if they can or not music video, but just video of a guy Fucking the next person, you know going to be spying on me. like just going up these people are just having a party on this hotel and it's drones flying over.

28:09 That's so funny. Yeah, on top of the... That a town that little, like you're driving through and the law changes, And they're like, all right, we'll allow witchcraft for now. next to it. Deer Valley or some shit. because they had this guy who was like the sheriff of Greeley who wouldn't allow it. the guys like standing well you know no no psych psychiatric issues you know what about booze you

30:31 And you're like, well, you've been known of psychological issues due to marijuana. How dare you? a stance like marijuana causing psychological issues when well the problem tony hinchcliffe We need it like a filled sponge. It's like a bullshit liver. They try everything. they try everything to scare Because if they do, Like a shower feels good when you're high.

33:13 You should go from your cradle to the grave without anybody ever asking you, I secretly loved it. They don't go, do you like to get your ass licked? They don't say that. They would say, do you want your ass licked, is that's not how anybody ever asks it if they're going to lick your ass. They don't go, There's an affirmation in it. Right, the bedroom opens up.

34:44 He was doing it to be polite. Yeah. but the the other place the name there those people were so high that i forgot their name That's a bunch of crazy people. that's what that is well no no no tony hinchcliffe i'm worried about your inner monster because my I go to church. I'm a Baptist. This is a Google deck. Oof. He has no idea because never having coffee can relate to it.

37:48 just like the angels There's nothing funnier Tony Hinchcliffe? well, yeah, it'd be dope, and I was on Mars, That'll happen. But if we could keep going, another million, transport any or teleport anywhere you want anywhere in the world i'll one-up you i'll bet Yeah, 10,000 years ago, I don't even think people are on boats. So these fuckers, let me find out what year it was.

41:01 You're like, fuck back support. And when you... Most times time and when you don't when you have bad posture I used to think that people said, oh, you should, you know, watch your posture because it like they didn't want you looking lazy. nerve problems because they get a pinched disc because your body's just got an uneven distribution But it's like how I sit.

42:55 just not your when you when your back is straight like this like this is the way you're supposed to And it seems like nothing. sitting like this because I feel like I'm posing like a woman. No, but seriously, it does look really silly for me to sit like, Right My boobs and my butt to like 160 something pounds. you know venti mochacha latte, AIDS face.

45:16 Yeah, we did the High Times Music Awards. there a nicer person than be real that guy's one of the nicest people on the planet and all those Yeah, Jesus took him from us. Because you're used to this backup. You're used to all this support. You got your head, then. You look good. I look like a... No. You're just not used to it, because you're used to this backup.

46:39 You want to have some butt sex? You know, I've told you before. Right HIV It's adorable Brian it one of our our friends was on oh uh who was on it kevin nealon no it's uh brett ernst brett I finally watch it. Well, it almost seems like it would benefit them When I tune into a reality show, I want reality. I thought for sure that he was How long have I known him? You've been friends for 20 years.

49:01 and I'm flipping through channels, I'll stop for a few One of the guys who was a doorman at, i've been having sex my brother's wife what do you want me to do and they would fight they would dude you know i don't know if he's still doing stand-up anymore but back in the day when we They would hire him to do like, remember when, what was the chick? the guy comes on and uh he has no idea that this gay guy loves him he freaks out he gets humiliated

51:41 And when that guy was on TV with them, this nutty dude who wound up shooting the guy and you got some guy who's your co-worker told the guy on jenny jones on the air so that nothing would happen to him you know he didn't Yeah. She used to have a show that she would do. like the early stuff, And when I was living in Boston, And they had these all-female shows

54:02 guy, rather, and told him Yeah, she had, like, some tribal peacock thing going on. Yeah. That's like rock star. Cash. Oh, my God. So true. Right, and I was also like 10 when it came out. But if I did a movie where I played guitar in it, I would learn how to fucking play guitar. big time like from the guys from the main people from the actual old school stuff well you know

57:16 Yeah, David Lee Roth is a legit maniac. Jump! And one of them paperboy hats. it feels like you're in another world it doesn't just feel like you're in another country it feels they dropped two bombs on them We nuked it twice, too. No, I think it was the next day or something like that. and just imagine that time of the year or that time of the the world when you really could

59:50 So, like, two to four months. Wow. the hell is going on? August 6th was Hiroshima. And people are not going to just give up their guns. So that guy, you can attach that guy to a bunch of other shit you might not necessarily believe in. no matter what, they're going to vote against guns there's no matter what like if you if you're we got to certain amounts of insurance

1:02:37 So they have regulations Are you crazy? You make him wear a helmet. That's a big one. Yeah. I think Yeah, but now you're absolutely right. Where they don't want, they just want... Okay, I'm a true maverick. My brothers out there and I got the arms Like hung around with them, went with them. He went from that, which is more of, that he wrote for ESPN.

1:06:09 And he's got some wild fucking stories, man. Wow. Do you remember Jamie Kennedy, guys gone nuts yeah yeah okay okay and then they tell him that's going to be a lot of it is for gay guys. And then at the end of it, they reveal. But it's real. It's not a setup. It be on the show. Damn. And then at the end of it, I mean, maybe it was like lawsuits. guarantee them they're going to have some sort of fame,

1:08:04 Right. And then, And then Google filled out gay. and the rest of them were just jerking off on them i just changed my idea of what the village people were you can really tell which ones are gay like that's the biker, right? Nobody. He's like, hmm. There's a looseness in his hips. yeah that mustache that guy with the mustache you assume he would have to be gay oh totally nope

1:11:16 It just comes back in the morning The Cherokee Nation. Oh, yeah. You guys were kind of killing each other, too. But they didn't like each other either. one race that you can go back and go those fuckers had it nailed those guys were super cool to each I'm not sure left the american indians alone yeah great idea fucking terrific and then what and then what

1:14:01 Yeah, things definitely started moving more freely, but, There's these other folks that lived here like only a few hundred years ago and as many as like a million to the american indians spreading these evil terminal diseases sounds like our buddy josh since he moved it all into his new bedroom, and he's, like, a very struggling young comic. This poor guy is just not getting any luck.

1:16:33 And then in 95 or something like that, she got the fleas in my carpet and i couldn't get them out man i could not get them out like I wasn't going to vacuum. of those did you buy one yeah if you ever need it well i think carpets are gross man i'd rather and then when something spills on the rug, or whatever the fuck it was. Towels have those little things that stick out of them.

1:18:33 It wipes the water on you a little bit. Played some of it and they I guess Bruce Lee is now in it. They're so close now. to say like everything because you have to get every possible thing out yeah i mean i'm not Bruce is the best. I didn't realize this was a game until you just said that. That's crazy. It looks so good. This is wild. He's ripped. and he was fat as fuck.

1:21:52 a little bit. he was more smooth. Bruce Lee's a bad man. and taught me this style bruce lee was like that's nonsense bruce lee was the guy who invented mma really, really hard. ever going to be able to capture what you do best any place other than on stage right now when you're And next thing you know. Figure out how to do your own thing. That's the freest one.

1:25:02 And then, and exactly. and that they used to do stand-up You know what I mean? The entire time, my first few years writing, writing gigs, that means you're like constantly like trying to refine and hone and that's when it becomes like a the stress of the performance is not worth it's like uh it's not worth uh the effort it's like I guess so. so long that they know how to be funny like at a table you know what i mean when a topic comes up

1:29:07 or form or bring them down a peg if they're crazy but um i i know i'm not into helping i'm not into I met dudes that... our car and took off and he would read off a license plate number. I have a job. And I told him, I was like, look, man, you're funnier than me, speakerphone and the first thing he said is fogo the child the flags are at half mast Yeah.

1:31:44 When they tell the Joey Diaz life story, He really thinks that he could do it. and a non-Latino is playing a Latino on TV I didn't know so many people knew who Sebastian was. It was really funny. That's a great spot. and people would be smoking. they have those fucking industrial you smell it and it's kind of gross, We were in Vegas just a couple weeks ago and you see these people smoking in the casino and this i you know

1:34:34 We stayed at the Golden Nugget, and we got into the smoking room there. They think that you go into a place like that uh third-hand smoke you're a you're a pussy So that place did have old-school filters? This is kind of interesting. Huh. The titty bar is taking us in. You fucking no-spell spell check motherfuckers. But obviously, there's something like that.

1:37:58 That doesn't seem like it's good, right? That's it? It just kills the addiction, no withdrawal symptoms. they also sell cigarettes. You know those little sticks with the little cheese? Kraft is a Nabisco company. Well, people have the right to choose what they want to do. You can have this. It's fine. It's, it's America, this is good. You can have this.

1:40:02 If it tastes good, that's all that matters. I'll have a cup of coffee and a Boston cream donut, please. McDonald's is like, that's really It doesn't matter what this burger is actually made out of. It's going to make you depressed. A quarter pounder. That's not true. When I eat my salad, I know there's going to be oil. Good googly moogly are they good.

1:42:18 They have the best fries. Yeah, those are... Buries them in the fucking ground. Oh, what did I say? All fries are good fries with Cajun, Oh, it was perfect. Not too overpowering, just the right the other day. Ooh, lordy. It was perfect. Oh, the bear? It tastes delicious. And when they eat animals, you have to worry about them having trichinosis, because trichinosis comes from eating an animal that has trichinosis.

1:44:36 I mean, they eat everything. Getting the trick. You would take a slice of it. delicious, but it has to hit 150 degrees. Like you're like tagging their wings with like pebbles. You're going to shoot a lot of them and drop them out of the sky, they'll spiral, obviously for the animal, I mean, they have super high technology. So like when you have it at full draw,

1:48:37 They're like a small volleyball size. Yeah. Van Halen fans Yeah, exactly. I can't find it now. Or that they ripped it off from somebody. devastating you you I mean I fucking love Zeppelin dude I mean and I can't and you know the guy writes it all that down like yeah i like it i like it like let's go with it that would be fine but if you hear that somewhere else and the guy writes all that down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it. I like it.

1:51:32 It's one of my favorite songs of all time. money that would be fucking weird if all of a sudden led zeppelin went broke, like all those guys were broke as fuck, Oh, yeah. Yeah. And here, you know, know of course the other one is You're just jealous because he did it better. The output. You can do it, fella. All right. If you want to get the... dick on stage

1:55:25 of people's, I love Led Zeppelin, I don't think you could. This is the guy. No doubt. Oh, he doesn't. Totally. Yeah. Well, those are the... In Jake's version, those are chords. You would be in love. Yeah, definitely. This is a group called Taurus, and the song Spirit, You killed my parents. I sort of like it. our song. They took it to a weird place.

2:01:00 See, because you feel how it bugs you, or how it hits you, rather, I would assume that you're right, but I don't know jack shit about music. I have what they call perfect pitch. that can read music and play and then there's people that can really like like the beethoven Exactly. I didn't know it was Not perfect pitch, but you can learn how to make a sound.

2:03:06 And I would joke around, try to sing, and she would get offended. I just learned about this stuff recently, He just goes with it. Phil Collins sounds different than Roger Waters. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You ever heard of them? I mean, I like Robert Plant. Oh, it's great. Yeah, roller skates is great. I see in my head a documentary on the 60s. And it was all going on. it was the freedom of summer put crank her up crank her up listen to this god damn You know one of the things that's so badass about her?

2:07:17 Baby deep down in her heart. every guy wanted to bang her She was awesome. She looks like... Probably lick your ass instead of hers. She's a cutie. Her teeth are a little crooked, but other than that, She's got some new songs. I don't know if we're allowed to. Grace Jones. Shirley Bassey. can clench her arms, and it monsters. A lot of those guys, Clapton, Pink low. She's one of those monsters. All right.

2:10:12 Everything sounds better I wanted to play Because the live one on the roof is acoustic, so you really get They gave up on Nashville. Isn't this an old Village People song? Yeah, they're moving back here, so we'll get to see them for sure. He's such an interesting, funny something that I ever wanted to pursue, so when I watch in all of our windows. It's just a thing that every house had during that time, late 80s, early 90s,

2:14:10 when I was being raised. If you know anything about the guts of a piano, and what happened did you get inside your house i remember they got inside my house they stole uh around my neck with a string every single night I went to bed afraid I lived in a Jamaica plane, which was not nearly as bad as Youngstown, I remember seeing him run. really be someone breaking in this time bne's that's what they would call them kids in the

2:16:58 murdered. You know, when you have a bunch of fucking brothers doing it and they think it's cool the other person wants it. When you can get your own shit, shit doesn't mean as much. They both, neither one of them had ever been knocked down in their entire professional career, not once. Yeah, that'll fuck you, man. It's months until your next fight.

2:18:58 Jack on the rocks. I got it to go. Oh, yeah. You know, but it was a smaller burger. Get your nickel burger here. Wait, did you Snopes this? So people were just worried their baby was going to get eaten by wolves back then. for a couple of days. Takes a while to get your baby trans to the destinations accompanied by letter carriers. One newspaper reported

2:21:20 They should make it legal again. If you have something to say to him, Listen, people are always going to need to send letters in a timely fashion. The fact that anything is coming in the mail is weird. You need a bigger one for bigger things. Yep. What if it becomes like a clone? Remember when you get a again and get it reprinted. go like I want to drive today I want to drive a Porsche tomorrow I want to drive

2:24:14 I want to go to They're going to develop an artificial reality Fuck that. Maybe. I was one time in Bear Camp. I was like, wow, this is weird. which was a crazy amount of money. He was on NBC. He was on a sitcom and he was one of the big stars You owe X amount of percentage of that. It was compiling and he couldn't get into the country because if he went to Canada, they would arrest him.

2:28:01 like as easy as you do in the United States. You have to be separated from each other, She would try to break him with her spending. Yeah. like friends that just say, I don't hang around with them anymore. They'll beat themselves up and blame it on you. and do anything to drag you down. Was he doing stand-up? stuff like that but he could have easily been a stand-up he's a very smart guy

2:30:31 the shit come to a fucking I'll do it at the ice house You can catch it on DeathSquad.tv and just the audience yells out ideas We've had when the audience is awesome and the last time it was a dog show. Because if the three guys were bugging me, I'm like, oof, this is a ticking time bomb. a matter of participating or yelling out topics they were they were they were like trying to get

2:32:40 Yeah, that's not cool. They could bring flasks. you fuck up you get drunk you do retarded shit and then you realize you did retarded shit so the next time you think you're gonna get into double, you know, You grind each other? That's like a rap term. That's the worst. The brown hole. What if it rebuds? allowed to talk to the comedians. if you get the wrong

2:35:38 Yeah. smoking marijuana. I almost want to watch it like three more times. Do you watch Game of Thrones? watch a show on Netflix called The Writer's Room They sit in opposite rooms called Game of Thrones They pitted them against each other. Exactly. would be like you know hey buddy uh I'm the lead creative force and I just wrote this album called him you know by like laying it down or using his voice and waters was smart enough to let it all

2:38:52 Totally. Yeah. I think so. Joe Perry's a cool, right? Didn't Joe Perry leave for a while? He did, right? Yeah. Some wacky ones. I remember looking at that. And he knows all about rock. Friday, I shouldn't say this weekend. Thursday night, moi. Good times, you fucks. Squarespace.com. off of your first Until then, enjoy your life, you dirty fucks. Get a t-shirt, you fuck