Joe Rogan Experience #513 — Joey "CoCo" Diaz Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. What am I going to do? It does inside your system. little growing organisms. But Two different types of quarter-sip mushrooms. I got one more in. Yeah. I got another one in. It's like, I guess if you go to certain places in the world, it makes sense that there's That's like, whenever they have a UFC card in Denver, you go up the flight of stairs, you're like, whoa.

2:28 You know? He was in Boulder. Do they go two weeks maybe and train a little bit? and when he would go to bed at night night he would sleep in this uh oxygen tent and it was like it simulated uh being at high You just go out and do something. I don't know. The NFL does. They deal with it a little bit. It's just fucking brutal. A little while up there. I'm talking up there. 11,000 feet. You could ski down it. That's when you're in trouble. Really? Your body can't handle that. Your body can't handle. No shit. A little while up there.

5:17 They get altitude sickness. It makes sense, man. So I got to imagine 11 is like some next level shit. And all I felt like doing was sleeping. And I was 18. I didn't go to Boulder. I went to Aspen. And all I felt like doing was sleeping. And, man, for like three weeks, all I could do was fucking sleep. on a Sunday afternoon. Boom! We had to catch her because she passed out on the street.

6:58 I don't know. We'll do it. You have no idea how crazy this weed is. No, you didn't. I told that story about that one person in college that she took one hit of a joint or a bong or whatever it was Not anymore. Nothing's for everybody. What the fuck like a motherfucker. I couldn't live like that no more. That's as good as it gets. and after an hour they'd go to the hospital, they'd put some

9:33 Stolman Pinches kept biting me. and he had two dogs, and he would say, The female came back and bit me in the fucking leg. They raised a shitty dog, and the dog's dangerous. We're living with animals. We've got this weird And so you've got a dog that's trained to bite people, which is very strange. So they saw George Foreman as like the enemy. Joe Frazier.

11:53 Did he really? The first time I came on your podcast? So he got the Spinners. He's like, I didn't make enough money. It was very interesting. Yes. Not bad, you know, as much as you could watch those. It's so yummy for your tummy, he won't look up. And then he took that and then he went to this other company. What a fucking fight that was too. What year was that, 71 or 72, brother?

15:06 He was so dangerous. I think Joe Frazier's a really scary guy With that fucking left hook of his Like, to just come up like that What a picture-perfect punch. where he put one hand up, one hand down, and bobbing and weaving And he went broke in the end. for this and paying for that and meals Barbershops and white neighborhoods. Movies, TV shows, you get them constantly.

17:17 I have to worry about it. have credit, I got to assume somewhere along the line, you've already made some poor fucking And they just think that all they need is a couple grand from Joey Diaz. them for your time. Yeah. Look at you, what you're one, two, three videos on YouTube. I was going to get out of there early. One, two, three, four, five. Just figure it out, bitch.

19:40 I'll go to Bob's fucking coffee house You get these people that come to you now, and I was breaking it down for you on the plane. I really like the script. So instead of you getting $10,000 a week, you're going to get $100,000 a day. a legit schedule And I get it. Well not only that you can find other actors out there that will do it for cheap Joey Diaz, you're fucking funny. We would like you to come here more often. The audience really

21:53 the kids that want you to help them, 2.15, or something. thank God. It's like I've never been too much of a hanger-rider. Because if you come up to joe rogan red band That's it. in that you're growing and then one day you're going to be ripe. Do you hear what's happening in China right now? They're coming from Macau. This is worldwide. They think there's shortcuts.

24:39 A lot of people. Yep. People don't know. Killed me. He's slick and loose and relaxed on stage. CD. Yeah, it's on I knew Ian in the early He is? I've done that. What are they testing you for? Because they test They give me anesthesiologists. Yes. ass. On the edge she wipes her ass. After she shits, she just rubs her butt on the grass and then takes off, and I'm like, oh, that means inside of her. Yeah, I thought my current dog had it because every time she shits, she wipes her ass.

27:55 Once a dog figures out they could rub their ass on the carpet, It's disgusting. Yeah, they get dementia. I'm like, listen, bitch, I got to work. in the house but me so when i'm not home the bitch just hides she just hides she's like where is this I've had her since she was a baby. feral cats were pretty common but there were people's pets you know they were wild but they

30:15 18 years later. She's She came to the comedy store the other day. Did you see her? You should do that. doing movies, Paul Mooney for a year. for destroying my fucking, and A.J. would be in front. It was hard to go on after him. I know you don't watch it, but you got to watch this shit because it's going to affect you. How they're juicing. That is a horse steroid.

33:09 Equinics? They're giving them They paint your face in the middle, and they put the kids on horses. I was looking forward to it. I'm like, you know track. I had to go to Santa Anita that Saturday for a kid's thing. They paint your face in the middle and they put the kids on horses. Third race, fucking horse died. Speaking of juice to the gills, pull up that video that I put on my Twitter page yesterday

34:07 like a globe, like a giant that it was like he was getting choked Why is that funny? The guy's okay. A 300-plus-whatever-the-fuck-it-is-pound huge thing landed on his body. fighters get popped for more Probably more. He's retired. They've already been sued 80 times. Yeah, he went to jail. I hear you, man. You draw blood. But do they know what they're doing?

37:48 292 if you want to call it a science. He has, like, a really good massage therapist. Your spine, when you sit up straight and you stand up straight, It's a better way of moving. most likely the body's going to evolve Yeah. You know, like, like if you roll with a guy who's got a really strong core, like judo guys specifically, up, hoisting things with momentum, all that stuff that all builds core. It all builds what everybody likes to call core.

41:03 Work. And you're carrying it in all these fibers and tissues. Yeah, that's good. Right. Like a farmer workout? But go with your body. I just haven't been able to do it because I've been on the road Thursday, Friday, Saturday. the benefits that you get from doing cardio. walk. That's a good way to warm up too. And I end with the farmer's comes to mug you, bang! And I like doing

43:57 That's where I think I got. outside yeah i do them inside i get anxiety i get hot i can't breathe i do them outside under the It's that big. I'll bring a 35. your legs are on fire. The next day, you'll barely be able to touch your toes. Be consistent, like a little bit of work one day, relax, rest, You do know I'm retarded. Halfway. Yeah. And then salami taught me sometimes.

47:20 Because I got funny with comedy. And who gives a fuck how long. I do 10 of those, bro. I wouldn't be here right now. Some people you tell them to stay home. Yeah. for them, And they go down there They work at Universal City in the daytime as the Hulk. They just thought somewhere in their life that they could be a stand-up, Stand-up becomes addicting.

50:00 Like, what do you care? I'm on the nonpaid regular list, If there's anybody left. Well, not only that. You'd be strolling in there and you needed the $15 me too I'd be like, come here, man. He'd be, like, serving people shit, Can I ask you something? Like, for two nights I go, I'm going to stay in and write. I'm looking for a spot, Definitely, Sure,

52:58 It's like a den of thieves. I'm so into it. know and the ice house man the ice house has helped me a lot having that place where we we That place is a special, like a magnet for fun. a lot of history but none of the pretentiousness none of the bullshit not stuck on sunset so dick We were talking the other day on the phone I had tears going down my eyes.

55:37 Lenny Clark. more than any movie, because I remember that Not me. I'll never be in that, not in this lifetime. And every time I see Joe Torre, I tell him the same thing. For me, it's beautiful because I got to see you really early on. But when you came to the comedy store, that's when you got real serious, right? It's like jujitsu now. There was 18 comics on open mic on Mondays and Tuesdays.

58:30 Because I fucking hit this guy in the head with a microphone. Bing. Wednesdays, you had Club 52. You had Tacoma. You know, I knew a lot. Denver. 20 bucks, 10 bucks, in me the way Dick Doherty believed in you. You want to talk about no laughter? this bar in fucking Arvada. He had two of those weeks. This is when that shit was a shithole towns, and he became the mayor.

1:02:22 Can you be a mayor for a long time? justices, right? Something that people I'm going to stop the crime and stop people from stealing shit? There's just rampant crime police officers. I couldn't believe what I had saw. I got robbed for a pound of coke, a pound of weed. No shit. wheelchair. He got paralyzed. So for every 1,000 residents, 78% of them are going to experience crime.

1:05:08 Who mugged you? and I went down to visit his family once, He wrote an article about Camden saying it's called Apocalypse New Jersey, No, there's a lot of fucking people there. What surrounds There's 77,000 people. You know what I'm saying? and you robbed them to death until they fired you. You know, he had to bring home fucking almond joys, fact there's a kid in Florida that has a story that I showed up at his house one night with a diagram

1:07:40 But you were going to be fine. I remember Coco coming home Wow. Ernie, Being around shady people like that, I worked at a gas station for a little while, was a madman but being around that guy made me realize that like i see a dude like an old dude I know that type. He didn't look like and turn you into a lamp. I lived in Snowmass Village. Oh, that was the end?

1:10:26 Ted Bundy, that was a scary one. Normal-looking dude. They had happy hours. He did a lot of crazy shit, man. They first got him in 1975 for aggravated kidnapping and attempted criminal assault. And that's where he killed the dormitory. Ugh. there's a color one, Yeah, It's just scary shit that someone could be like that. Yes, he does. you're Dylan Klebold

1:13:37 and they found in it, was alive today. the other day, favorite place to perform. Four months ago. to bring a feature. They have hotel rooms. I really did have a good time. Eddie Bravo and I went to a bunch of them. California at the time, they could still put on fights at these casinos. And that's when people where they let it rain. of all time. because they had

1:16:59 I think this is probably a pull down from YouTube if we put a video on our... It's a Buddhist college. there. I went to a seminar. It was fucking horrid. Right before comedy, I was frustrated. So if you ever go there again, I never mentioned it to you. But if you do, check it out. If you want to see a smart, keen, badass motherfucker drop knowledge, go to Naropa.

1:19:06 They have everything in Boulder. And then they tell you about, I've stabbed a motherfucker one time. He was a racist? go to Narope and listen. I remember going there one time and going, Dalai Lama's always swinging in Boulder. It's like, look it up. And they were oh, just because this guy under the microscope. This lady had bug spray. I go, what are you doing? She goes, we have an ant problem. I know, Buddhists are not supposed to kill bugs. This lady had bug spray.

1:21:56 or ant poison out. You yourself, you yourself are responsible for the death of animals. Period. Fact. Jamie Kilstein, It's hilarious because post after post you see people saying, so that you feed your animal that kills animals. You know, the idea behind it is hilarious. unless you just let your cat This is going to be a bit, We're going to war with these motherfuckers.

1:24:41 It's people, they miss the big picture. And then again, there's the people who are, Not anymore, dog. Yeah, to take the high ground. and he was gay, and I'm like and there was a guy behind me and he was gay. Like, too gay. kidnap me? He hung out at strip clubs. I see it every day. It's socially. Whatever. It's like a thing. God forbid a human being doesn't have a

1:27:41 fucking double latte. Well, you know what Starbucks is these days? I'm from Jersey. For 2,000 years, America drank Regular. That's it. For sure. Every motherfucker in the East Coast ate a butter roll. wrapped up rolls with butter, already buttered, or wrapped up bagels, already buttered. the value of your life. People who value and they move to Bowling,

1:30:19 so I was up at 5.50. It's madness. goddamn fish tank. I'm going to start Skyping from the middle of nowhere. I'm going to figure out how on the 405 from 10 Watch 10 after 6. HOV. Nothing. I'm in and out of there. there's an area called the Angeles Crest Highway, and you see like one car a mile up and one car like a mile back, little kid but you know 18 whatever you first get to remember imagine four-year-olds are driving

1:33:46 there's no one there. And the music's on. Oh yeah. A little stone. Jesus. Googly moogly. A beautiful view. You might as well be one of those fucking dudes hotel the hotel would be empty it'd be a couple of us that would stay down there I'd turn the fucking car around, three, four hours, no traffic, no traffic. When you go through those weird desert areas, and you get to see those, I went to the Air

1:35:37 Like seeing the cool rock structures and shit. God damn it. As I was driving, the people were hanging by their fucking seatbelts. Pull over. What is wrong with you? Somebody Yeah. for the love of Christ. There were two people with cell phones, and a guy had a little fucking camera. The real problem is that people want to read that shit. It was at six o'clock. Now I just watch the news.

1:38:03 The valet guy knocked him out. Some dude who owned a barber shop in L.A. exactly what happened. I found out about the T.I. He was a fun dude. He was fun. He did a movie. He goes, I'm going to play baseball for you. Some dude I don't know. get on up. The dude's name Handsome fella. When does James Brown, the movie, come out? The guy, he's not that old.

1:40:46 It's the ads for it Yeah, he was good Damn! Played Jackie Robinson, and then he's their go-to guy. one of the most original science fiction movies I've ever seen. There was a lot going on. Like, one of the most original science fiction movies I've ever seen. Fuck yeah, man. It was on the R&R. When he beats the chick in the movie, Tina buy the Coke with Steve Buscemi.

1:43:19 and he keeps torturing him, torturing him. Which is classic. fuck is this? Tremendous. I'll give you a job. movies and you're like, wow. prison movie, Oz. He was in He was in fucking Apocalypse Now. He was a fucking child. This is what this motherfucker did. Give him a check for a trainer. than what he was at the meeting. at Spago's. You know what I'm saying?

1:46:19 They represented something different. You know, You know, That's hilarious. They didn't know who the fuck he was. That's where he married the chick. the fucking American right? He lost the island? Listen, I have to watch it, because my wife watches The Man of Steel. If your father tells you the speech, if your father looks you in the eye and tells you that speech, you got to be Superman.

1:49:22 small islands measuring about 27 square miles and surrounded by a lagoon. Like if you or the studio said, 25 to read the script. to talk to you to Hollywood Apparently he would sign up and he would just you know? Yeah. All of a sudden, The Godfather. he just got out I'm gonna do this he's beautiful But I watched that movie again the other day, and I've been watching pieces.

1:52:13 He goes, now you had your drink. Yeah, go ahead. He did Last Tango in Paris. It was porno. Italian-American, Franco-Italian romantic erotic drama. The portrayer. Nope, died. The Godfather could be it would stand out dog shit. Yeah. That's slow. Dude, I should try to watch The Godfather. I've never times. The mechanic? That's slow. Don't look at Jan Michael Vincent and die for about 20 minutes.

1:55:11 Baghdad, wherever the fuck he was. He's a Buddhist, a movie called was on HBO for a while. 69 years old. Drunk as shit. God, it's got to be a weird ride, man. up on the planet Pluton Just take those old records off the shelf. Because besides Scientology, he's as well prepared as you are. and all of a sudden he rocked against Jack Nicholson in that movie

1:58:06 That's military-style shooting. uh the movie where he sang that was horrendously bad he sang in a movie yeah yeah yeah oh the sunset It's not that tiny. and Tom Cruise would walk next to him on a ramp, He's still one of the main movie stars. you don't have to sell me on that. Yeah, he's going to do dog shits, bro. I'm sure while they're giving them envelopes, it's okay.

2:00:16 You know, everybody talks about Napoleon being short. Is this the same He's 5'7". See how they're making him 5'7", 5'7". 5'9". Yeah. He slung some dick, though. closeted gay guy that it has arranged marriages and they go on for ten years and say to yourself, and some guys whipping him and shit. because one of his ex-boyfriends Let me tell you something.

2:03:04 twinks. What is everybody angry at? But like, look at this. Why is the water brown? There's a light in the pool. Listen, guy. Like X-Men. Yeah, isn't there like that one guy that was suing because he was like the guy that got passed around by all the guys? and then you want to write a book about it, look, man, you could have left. They go to these fucking parties.

2:04:58 No. Let's do lunch. Which movie? Not Stanley Kubrick, but to that situation where a bunch of old guys, they're fucking And they take you to a house, and there's a fucking hundred tens walking around with masks on. The doctor was Sidney Pollack. until I watched that movie. She's missing or something. they hear something. He gives the cab 200 bucks and he walks in and he sees all these naked women.

2:07:58 The next day the piano player is gone, done, finito. business suits on. So he thinks he's But Nicole Kidman wears a pair of regular panties with a wife beater on, And he's like breaking inside. Look at her. Look at that. Yeah, that's one of those movies I probably need to re-watch What's wrong with you? 2001, A Space Odyssey. Oh, yeah. That's a brilliant movie.

2:10:32 It's up there. Saving Private Ryan's up there, too. you know, It's a great movie. in Apocalypse Now, when he's next to the place. I'll never forget this, Joe Rogan. It's midnight on double-barrel sunshine acid. I thought I was going to fucking die. I like the redux when they show him in France and eat with the people. But I really like It's three and a half hours.

2:12:41 The movie was creepy, bro. he's covered in fucking blood, and they're all fucking tremendous. Your heart's beating because the director. He became gay. He became gay in there and then that's when he fucking grabs him, and he fucking, because he's a rat, he fucking mugs him, and he takes his I would go crazy if I was in the fucking wherever jail they had you,

2:14:39 Good googly-moogly. That was a movie, too, that taught a lot of kids not to fucking smuggle drugs in the country. Terrifying fucking show. I don't even go there. Did you ever watch that show? Terrifying fucking show. Once that happens, you're a goner, bro. Because I need them. What is Ari doing over there? Chef. Yeah. stole the idea from the people

2:16:31 and a large and expanding economy, with large and modern port facilities Sounds like a good movie. Prior to the conflict, Chinese officials and another one was 1856 to 1860. Treaties and conventions. Don't do drugs in China. Fuck you, who your uncle? They're that brilliant. They raped them. Wasn't a part of it went on it. They were over there and shit, wasn't he? Well, there was so much money.

2:20:13 this money and if they make the money they're gonna control the resources that they get from Oh, yeah. Right. opium production in Afghanistan, Wikipedia. They grow it. That's fucking amazing. They spent $7 billion and it went up. Hmm, how weird. It's hysterical. Some fucking crazy commissioner. And he went and put a cop, and they's going to go down in this city. Some fucking crazy commissioner.

2:23:28 Really? That's insane. How many people do heroin in the world? You gotta shoot it. The shit and Puerto Ricans in the Bronx that are fucking shooting it. really pukey and i got sick but after i puked i felt better and i got really high the first time How did it get in there? A dude or a girl? Yeah, it didn't. Or Southern California. You can't compete anywhere.

2:26:37 they're about to fucking blow up the world what they're doing up there. Don't believe the hype. They just shut them down. It's incredible. Just to have them in Connecticut, New York. Those are silly. No, the first two months. There were stories in Hollywood people were robbing people outside of weed stores. So the place I go, you got to hire an attorney.

2:28:44 Yeah. And they told me they were moving to Canoga Park. And I went there one day, and they were locked. Yeah, yeah. And then by 1 o'clock, I pop an edible. I get the vapor tubes. I get the Girl Scout cookies and the vapor pen. Yeah, I'm a big fan of the edibles anyway. Me too. It's a better high. It's a better high. I've been getting so much. She knows me. She knows I'm legit. I'm a big fan of the edibles anyway.

2:30:19 with a small dose of marijuana every day. Getting high before yoga is tremendous. You have a body trip. I've never done the hot yoga. That's why doing anything real strenuous early in the morning is tricky. that's why when you wake up your back hurts and if you go to bed for like two seconds and you lay That sounds cool, but not for me. if I have a kickboxing workout at, like, 10 in the morning

2:32:41 Really? So there's no misunderstandings. jujitsu, I'll take two long, then I'll do the Shroom Tech. Each shake is 300 calories. I do a lot of fruit. have plenty of fuel, plenty of sugar in your body, but natural sugar. Sugar kills me, Joe Rogan. how are you getting hydration drinks, motherfucker i don't have like 75 grams of sugar and shit and you're like that that'll kill you

2:35:51 You ever have that Mexican Coke, though? It tastes better. It's a fascinating thing. Corn syrup is in like 90% of our snack foods. If you look around, get you one of them. They're fucking fantastic. What's in them? It's honey. You'll probably take four of them. The CBDs? and then stretch out and the hash cookies Don, when you eat hash it's one of the number one things that people use it for.

2:39:30 it takes the whatever out of your muscles after you work. I do it all the time. You don't make that up. You've done that before? Dog, listen, I've always wanted to do something. The ice house is great. I walked around craving a Budweiser. Listen, I will never, ever drink and drive. I'm totally against all that shit. You know what I'm saying? I'll get stoned and fucking do 90 down to it. Like, how stupid am I? I drank and drive. Like, I'm totally against all that

2:41:48 Smoke pot and something drops, you catch it. Remember they had that gospel brunch? This is ridiculous. but you were laughing at me, I'll never forget. It heightens your senses, right? at 8 o'clock at night, and I was watching the news that night and there was traffic Casey Kasemate. going to a diner and laughing at the waitress. The simple pleasures of being too. Well that's what i look for the simple

2:45:11 sitting in Starbucks or eating lunch You'd have to eat right away. But you were eating. Did you have, like, a network? We're going to come see you. I want to get to the room. I ain't got time to land at 4 o'clock to fucking go into traffic with GPS. I haven't done Cap City in fucking years. And I, you know, I love doing the theater there. and now the last

2:47:34 now they put you and you're somewhere else Up the fucking street. Ari said there was a line for an hour and a half. That's what you do. They drive it to you, Joe. You want to be there while that all goes down. I love you too, you motherfucker. I was watching RFA the other day. Some dude has C2O coconut Waters. I love you, brother. C2O started sponsoring fighters. I was watching RFA the other day.

2:49:19 Thai coconuts is a short plant. It's not bad. I like without pulp the best, You hydrate. You want to do that? I don't know the name of it yet. I'm doing the first with you. we haven't finalized it, I can't wait. July 10th through the 12th at the San Jose What do you got going on right now? Good lord. Be careful. Okay, we got to get the fuck out of here.

2:52:13 We love you and you love yourself.