Joe Rogan Experience #518 — Matt Fulchiron Transcript

Transcript

0:26 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, And it's kind of my first day off In a long time So this is the first day off of how many days in a row?

0:39 Oh my god It's a very unrealistic way to live Even though we're the ones that need the rain I saw a website out there called Gayfarmer.com 11 gay farmers Imagine those poor 11 That's all good, Brian. No hoes Yeah, I mean, you can't... And then the chick's like, yeah, that's cool because I got some plants and stuff. And you're constantly Just rubbing you, stroking you

3:31 He's adopted the voice. Ew, you gross. People get so upset I think it feels like you get something done. They're also usually on drugs. And if you work in an office, it just kind of resets every day. Right. I'm going to do that this week. So everything that's going to go on this next Mushrooms. Start doing mushrooms now. is before the filming. with the dark and the light.

6:35 North Hollywood. one and that's what all the comedians talk about and there's a good one and a bad one yeah and Sorry. introducing the comedians properly and hopefully getting a couple jokes in on your own yeah but Everyone does I know They all eventually move here. Go up to fucking Maine. I get it. Whoever you are that's talking shit on the L.A. comedy be uh dana stevens i heard her say this my favorite comedian i don't know

9:33 Callan's out here. Motherfuckers. Selling out in China. Like what was the- and they died oh my Yeah, they couldn't You gotta do something You can't even imagine. Anytime people are like, yo, you got to have some authentic Chinese food, just be like, no, thank you. Yeah, and then I had to point out to him, It was just so, the shit. i don't understand why they just don't use nothing well just use nothing you have to cook

13:17 Really? A guy was shitting there? are you really just shitting right here? I mean, even if it's not pleasant, a homeless lady shitting in the middle of the street. China and you could see examples of this is today, that you could go to China and you could see examples that's a good indication Like, I was talking to Brian Callen about that today. to a place like Seattle. Good air?

15:26 I think Kurt was more depressed about what a fucking groundbreaking was a cassette at the time and he played nirvana you know yeah we were both sitting around me and For someone to go You know Teen Spirit was the one. He played a couple other ones from the same album. Yeah. Yeah. You're allowed to wear How come I can't wear Converse All-Stars Yeah.

18:04 Oh, at the time. And it's awesome. It just seems like a bad one. Was that Derek and the Dominoes, or was that Eric Clapton? That's one of the all-time that's what I meant. He loves it. And it's a pro cocaine song. Yeah, we'll get kicked off YouTube, but fuck it. that's online. Oh, that fucking crazy guy. That guy looks like he said Settled a lot of fucking coke

20:38 Is that W on the drums? He could use a couple bumps. For whatever reason, I want to hear him keep talking. But it was still so compelling. connected to your brain to listen to him talk. We will sell no more wine. One of the greatest movies of all time. Hurst? It just kind of didn't work. really incredible what he did and it's something we do all the time now we imitate a certain style

24:11 sent untold thousands of people into the streets headed for the hills. But they do it really cool. were essentially talking about radio the way people talk about the Internet. Yeah. Satellite radio is essentially smushed regular radio. It's awful. It's because it was censored. people that listen to am radio. They're just fucking people. Do whatever the fuck you want.

27:34 I don't know. keep this up. You know, they hear you in the morning. Yeah, man. It's official. Look at all the Opie and Anthony That's life. It's how it goes. You can't do it that way anymore. And those were good times. Yeah Yeah Prometheus Could have been fucking amazing. I love it. Telling you what to do? Were aliens in it? What I don't understand is if you really are that concerned about a movie,

31:26 Reach down, fast forward. Now it means you're slow as fuck. Right. I remember Star Wars came out in, like, 88 on, like, NBC. Remember when there was TV movies, when that was the big thing, where you would sit home, They did a new version of The Shining with the guy from Wings. And it wasn't so hot. The documentary gave me blue balls really bad, though.

33:42 and creating this sort of theatrical piece He was the one hired to do that. I mean, he made Dr. Strangelove was fantastic. Yeah. Roger Moore documentary or Roger Moore, James Bond when he's being chased by these bad guys Yeah, that's right. It's kind of weird. It was like yeah literature literary character have you seen the 007 documentary where it takes you from the

36:49 Oh my god I mean Sean Connery and he kind of got influenced by the hippie movement been disappointed by it you know that he did that that he did that because he only got one movie he I don't know. as an episode Linda Christian. It's not even in focus. purpose is to make sure that And Linda Christian. Act 1. shooting at that tree. I know why wouldn't he run?

40:10 Chase him, pussy. The American guy, James Bond, James Bourne. It's just another movie where he just goes to eat lunch. This was in the 60s whenever there was just one guy who did one movie. one of the most interesting things about the documentary and it came out the same time as a Roger Moore James Bond movie. playing the same character especially when yeah it's supposed to be seamless how about the hulk

42:55 What's his name? Adorable. He's fantastic. name was Bruce? In the days when that was out, Bruce was associated if you were right And then there's Springsteen. You get your Adam's apple trimmed out, you're out of the book. Could be. Whoever it was. That's like, Yeah. And then you see their neck, you're like, ooh. If you're lucky. me about this, and I've read about it online, and I had Ian McCall, who's a fighter in the UFC,

46:13 Really? Only two minutes. Did you feel your eyes getting frozen or anything? act of something like but that it was hard to breathe. It doesn't seem safe. I don't know how long you're going to last. A fraternity. He's dead. You got to pass. Ugh. Have you seen Neighbors? No. when it came to that guy that was shooting people up in Santa Barbara. it's terrible connection because he killed men too.

49:43 Yeah. Like, don't, you know what I mean? That's ridiculous. You don't have to go to war. They're always threatening war, though, aren't they? It's not a good place He's going, whoa. forced into this position to pretend that it was a restaurant for American journalists. Right. He should. A good reality show producer? He's a celebrity. He plays basketball

52:36 You can't make a show. On the next episode of Crochet. You should. You think he's in bed with him? I mean, think I've never watched that show. I don't know. I think that's more like it, right? Right. Right Yeah Babysitting Val Kilmer That's a dude that, like, used to be, like, one of the biggest sex symbols in the country. I'm going to get big. The saint.

55:04 Yeah. You ever doubt, ever, in your life that Val Kilmer was a bad motherfucker? No, it's not. But they all just did not live up to the Naked Gun. Oh, well. Wow, man. But it was a little later. Unforgiven, no. Didn't he? And you're like, wait. So it was Kevin Costner and Dennis Quaid. I was talking about how good Val Kilmer was I'm like, And it bothers the shit out of you.

58:29 same kind of performance right it's a good job he did a good job but val kilmer hit that creepy spot Over the top of my ability. winning Charlie Sheen yeah very small mouth there who are the lesser-known Dermot A smart, sensitive doctor with good bone structure. Yeah? Yeah. I got off dude once at the comedy store. Yeah? You got to shut those people down.

1:00:40 You go try it. You've got a drunk guy who's interrupting the show. They're not used to being told to be quiet. You'll have like eight guys standing behind you People keep telling them the sound system sucks. Yeah, he's too funny. But the in-town clubs, it's like they're down, like, I think Nick's does it only on weekends. So I only really lived there for like two and a half years while I was doing comedy.

1:03:19 The first year, I was doing a lot of gigs. around Boston. I bet. It was, I mean, was just being in the moment, would stop in and you'd see these guys you'd seen on HBO like Dom Herrera was in town. And we saw him in Mansfield too. Because everyone knows what everyone's up to on the internet and then start doing well in clubs, People download it and they laugh, and then they find out that you're going to be at a

1:06:26 ari diaz all those guys are going through non-traditional channels they are and and i've You would worry about doing TV. But he also knew that if he was uncensored and just himself and raw, the whole internet thing came along. Whether it's stand-up or whether it's him talking about shit. And now that he's making it, everybody wants to get on American Idol

1:08:55 shit I want to see that guy do comedy so they forced him into going and doing Right. No, no, he's doing it. And he's fucking a good dude, too, man. If you get to know him, he's fucking hilarious. I guess it's a Chicago ridge hand. Yeah. He's a very complex guy. Right. That is just one of the best stories of all time. I had Rick James on a show. hilarious now that I'm thinking about that what was it called it's called the

1:12:17 Tracy Lourdes, post-porn career when she was a legit actress. And this other woman was upset because she was a mother, While he was there, it was kind of fucked up. Do-do. polished him off. This was Rick James That probably killed him. cocaine is a hell of a drug. Yeah. Or, you know, like I wrote this on Twitter the other day, Yeah. You know, you guys fight.

1:14:56 I'm going to tell you what you said to me. and smoking. Yeah, I'm never gonna tell a 70-year-old He's like, if I could just hang in there to 70. Yeah. It's a weird one. Who pays you to say this? I think it's pretty fucking possible, isn't it? Well, apparently that is a thing with young kids, though. I know someone whose kid Do you know if she started

1:17:29 Does she still smoke? sister and then just smoked through the pregnancy with him. She's a nice lady. He's a good friend of mine. No one in my family smoked, but my friend's mom smoked, and she would drive us to the Cold out, and it's her car. I think at the time, actually, he was in New York, I think he said. Just fucking using that one to light another one.

1:19:27 I wonder if he's smoking. He is stressed the fuck out. Yeah. Look what happens to the president when he works that hard. Not in the last 20 years. Has a president ever resigned? Richard Nixon, that's it. And that's when they had this nuclear submarine that was a Russian nuclear submarine. And they knew because of the Freedom of Information Act that they had to give a response.

1:22:46 When they do stuff like that, He lied. Oh, for sure. Right. But the problem is, one of the things that they say about any experience when something goes down. Right. And if you compare one of us is fucking crazy. Right. I know. the magic bullet theory that went through one body. And anybody who tells you any differently It might be possible. Full metal jacketed bullets like that one.

1:27:04 And it's a story that they Right. You know what? I would like to see someone who knows a lot about the case that he got killed because look they arrested him if we kill him then they're not even going to know Oswald. or whoever it was, I think I'd be able to keep a secret that would put me in jail. jawed bitches flapping off at the gums and ruining their perfect situation.

1:30:24 Yeah. Dude, it's a radical life. Keeping chicks from being seen. Yeah. Cover up.. Keeping chicks from driving. Keeping chicks from being seen. You're an animal. It wasn't hot like sexy. and they were just into doing it want anybody to see me but you oh my god you'd be like whoa that's crazy that's pretty hot that's Steve Burka. This is it. Everything else, cloth.

1:32:45 It does bum me out, but I think they're past the point of being rescued. Take them for a ride. I should. How is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have that kind of experience. All right, we're going to find out. Hmm. Full-body burqa. It's called a chador. They're supposed to hit them with rocks. and try to figure out a better way to live your lives and to do it in a way that is completely

1:36:36 Or their tennis instructor. They're saying don't make your ass and tits jiggle. Whoa. Well, some Muslim societies don't use it. was like back then. That's just me thinking again. that's thousands of years old, and it's the solar system. But my point is that they did this. and checked out You get to look at something that was made Oh, they got Fonzie's jacket.

1:40:08 I took a picture with him. Yeah, seems like it. Probably got really lucky if that's the case. a headlining thing. When I'm just chilling in Valley Park, Missouri, Whoa. They should look at it this way. Mad street I'll never forget that yeah you know so they got to see you when you're eating shit and i am i am i'm half joking like of 15 people right in nebraska yeah and you'd be like i remember that shit this club was kind of

1:43:31 It's true. What club? and then I think it's like a franchise you can kind of buy in or something. Yeah. I think they did something like they just made it bigger. Yeah. So dumb. Whoever did it was just a boner killer. my favorite thing was right in front of the toilet. That back room still has writing everywhere. It's one of the best clubs. old headshots. They shouldn't. No.

1:46:05 In the 90s. You know. probably still do I assume he wasn't Right. And she's really little. That is a completely different kind of experience. I don't know. I just don't like to, whenever I see people in those sort of terrifying situations, the man, the woman splitting up, the man going after the girl's daughter and they're together now. It was really interesting to listen to him from like gosh i don't know i

1:49:03 and stuff like that yeah do stand-up yeah and they just do it in coffee would open for people too, like for bands and stuff like that. Yeah. They would do stand-up. That's the first seed, I think. for one-liners. I've always been fascinated by the writing style. Yeah. It's crazy. and you're like oh you poor bastard Imagine if bands had to do that every year, they abandon ship.

1:51:38 I heard Rodney got to play the hits. He's one of my favorites. Right? Like, what 11-year-olds are going to see movies about 60-year-olds now and laughing? Definitely not. Who was his romantic interest? She was a professor. Really? What's your age limit you would cut a chick off at? Yeah. Have you seen Helen Hunt lately? I know, called The Session, in the movie,

1:54:17 is this an old movie? No this came out like two years Pull up that picture. Sounds pretty good. A little tuck. and the way Billy Joel looked It's like the head right there. She looks fantastic. Yeah. Yeah, you make out with her. You're going to be very unhappy. image. Who cares about that thing? Next get a lot worse. one of the dumbest climate change

1:57:01 this is her In my announcement speech for Congress here in Louisiana. It is perhaps the greatest deception in the history of mankind. God? Liberals have professed that global warming would cause an increase in severe weather systems, such as hurricanes. America's energy producers fueled the Industrial Revolution, fuck you imagine if you had that chick over for a dinner party and she just keeps she started

2:01:12 What is it? For sure. Yeah. She's dumb as fuck, but not available. Right.. Well, I have a theory. What's that? I think she's dumb as fuck. Yeah, for sure. Like, probably thinks she's pretty smart. Yeah. the ordinary yeah pleads plea towards the mediocre Mediocre, small-minded people with shitty synapses, like myself. Do you not understand what that means?

2:03:01 that likes to call itself America. Chicks are hot as fuck Oh, yeah. It's just on hotness alone. I'm pretty sure everybody believes it's real. and they find out the temperature of 1,000 years ago We've had hot spells. Global warming, is it real? and this increase is caused by human activities, It's real. At that point Shutting them down To the forest

2:06:55 Yeah. We'll listen to you. Now all I can look at Jesus Christ. No, just the headphones There's a guy named Arrowhead in her neck. Did you really doctor that up? It's un-American, Brian. I couldn't handle that. That's all that's left. Yeah. I haven't spent too much time in Canada. That's like L.A. and 20 million. And so that's all of Canada? What can I tell you?

2:09:59 Yeah. That's the problem. But prognostication, I mean, it's a tricky business. I got two words for you. a permit, You pay money Yeah. What if in the future we have the technology There's enough stars that I think they had the... I mean, really fucking brilliant, if you think, who doesn't have that permission are from a million years ago. They first figured out about those hypernovas sometime during, I think it was like the early 2000s.

2:13:08 because they didn't invent them. So the bigger the galaxy, the bigger the black hole. Yeah, Disney. But, you know, obviously it wasn't as good as Star Wars. and young massive stars This is something that was actively being considered because all throughout the day, apparently, like all day long, if you have the proper measuring equipment, you can detect hypernovas that are taking place way out in the far reaches of the galaxy.

2:15:09 Nearby. I don't know how likely it would be, right? To destroy the Earth itself, the sun will have to go supernova, which it never will. So 300 million light years. That would be a motherfucker, dude. When angels come, the satellites go down. When is that going to go away? as long as they can. How y'all doing? it could work. Listen to what I'm talking.

2:18:17 and then the steam, oh, you shut this fucking guy up and get a real scientist in here. No, they're smart enough to know that accent sucks. Yeah. You violated the laws of Weymouth, Massachusetts. I wasn't trying to be rude. You fucking, fucking, fucking, fuck this guy, this fucking guy. Should all be in context. You know it's 6 a.m. and it's time to get up.

2:20:44 Have you ever been up like crazy early in the morning? He's always gotten up really early, and he's always gone to bed really early, too. Leaves a show I'm in bed by 11 Are taking your job 240 fucking years we've been around. They're not going to hire you. Put your mouthwash in your fucking mouth. you fucking get here. At six, cocksucker. You're a fucking American. Stop fucking whining.

2:22:54 Monday mornings, you know what I'm saying? did. He told you to do what the Jerky Boys do. but the jerky boys, if they had been on the internet, You would get it from a friend. A friend would get it, and somehow or another they would make a copy of my favorite things that ever happened was the Jerky Boys. You get it from a friend. I've been quoting this shit every day for 20, 25 years.

2:24:08 Oh my God. I don't know which guy was which, Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to come to your store, lady. where mitch headberg called up and wanted to join a guy's band that one's fucking phenomenal He'll find it. my internet's down Hey, is Jerry there? That's cool. I'm a musician, man. Yeah, well, we're looking for a real lead singer. I'm calling, I'm from my phone here.

2:27:33 All right, man. Yeah, man. It's way past my nipples. Wow. And I got long hair. Okay. Yeah, man. I wrote this kick-ass song about a unicorn. Let's just play a tune right now, me and you. Yeah, well, especially now so after he's gone. Jim Florentine. This show probably ruined it, you know? It was supposed to get to her address on the 17th. And they have a number that a lot of people call as a customer service number.

2:30:09 Yeah, you know what Florentine does is he just tapes every conversation where you could get away with stuff like that. So you got Air Bud? Um, okay. Do you have the shining? Yay. You know what this is? You sure? It was so crazy. was walking up to people Yeah. The guy Yeah. You know? Like when he was getting, kid jumps out of a trash can and the guy punches him yep that's a that's a classic animated gif

2:33:54 You see that video that somebody released where it was like an MMA fight like next to a car and he steps up and smashes him in the face knocking him out cold the guy And you can find that segment represented well on worldstarhiphop.com. It's a kid. Really? Whoa. They got upset. He's coming back. Yeah. they can't do as much damage. That guy will be in a way better video 10 years from now.

2:37:19 and it was $5,000. It had rust. It's a classic. This is amazing. bike shops and there's all these bike paths and especially in williamsburg brooklyn it's like Yeah. No, no, it's a ride. heavy when you're around brake fumes and... Not really. Oh, nobody texts in Burbank. weird things that happened, like how when Jessica Simpson was on, she demanded a $15,000

2:40:10 They just kept going, kept going, most outrageous demands? Huh. Oh, that's hilarious. that means that right now we're about There's a Jeb. I think she did last time. Yeah. That's what they always say. Oh, dude. Just speaking. What are you, crazy? It seemed to be okay. They'll show up at universities I mean I know if you can make a lot doing comedy it must have been way post

2:44:29 Yeah. Yeah. You ever listen to TED Talks. Because they know. Yeah. Right. I'll get on it. I got free time. They're I'm off tour, dude. I'll get on it. You would have to share a room. at a TED conference. They wouldn't let him get his own hotel room. They made him stay. And they and not just from one person. We've heard that and he told this uh this uh interesting story about psychedelics and they uh they got upset

2:46:38 The way they run it or what? Please explain. And it's his theory. I don't like that. He's a nuclear waste a little bit of relaxation, a little bit of privacy dosed soldiers up in the The drug was administered in a drink of water given at the start of each day's exercise. to relax and to giggle. had become incapable occupied by the enemy. But one hour and ten minutes after taking the drug, with one man climbing a tree to feed the birds,

2:50:18 They didn't know. Like iron, like the metal. That's it, ladies and gentlemen. all supplements all right we'll be back next week enjoy your weekend uh if i see you fuckers in