Joe Rogan Experience #556 — Bryan Callen Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the Joe Rogan experience We had to weigh the ink. That looks like an art class that you didn't give a fuck about passing. stands for end you know what is that what is that thing called? The and sign? Asterix. Ampersand. A-N-D. Fighter and the kid. The at sign's actually called a strudel in Israel. I know. Well, you really should say pound sign. twitter right yeah and then facebook adopted it i was talking to this i was talking

4:23 that accent in louisiana will always stay that Barcelona, Barcelona they do. Really? we have like that we have like categories where we'll put like this is a sound that you should So it's considered a weakness. poor bastard well you can't help it speech impediments stutters are neurological stutter and we have to wait sometimes for 40 seconds wow but of course we all did and something about a

7:57 robert sack said well you know it may be a sign from god but is there any way i can study your Well, I go back to being normal well it's very strange to me examined oh i think that was a religious superstitious thing i think that he kind of felt he it would go away if somebody did something to his brain is that what you think i do where there's a tangible effect of a physical act

9:53 So you're basing, you know, all your attention is now going to music. No one wants to bring up like how much of believing in unbelievably ludicrous shit is a type of a mental illness the first question Fuck, this guy got this. You see all this good stuff. And you say hey Roman judge in Carthage. We park our chariots way. And the Roman judge goes, okay, well, in Rome we do it this way, so try to do it that way.

12:29 This is an unnatural act. happened to them when they were young it's what you're exposed to when you're really young if you on this in fact uh barbara oakley wrote a book called the evil genes and and they really looked I mean, if you look at every body type there is, Keep going. Right. know you just want to be as gentle as you can just you know got rheumatoid oh it's bad dude it's bad

15:19 Some people are born with weak eyesight. This is a hard one. right we know now that there's brilliant people from every single race and it's the big part of They're already doing that. But sexual sadism and all that stuff get why are you going to let that guy live? this by the same token what you what you would have to say about somebody like that is they have

19:28 of the day they have urges they have no control over say the way somebody who gambles really badly And then you go home. Yeah, but you can't write a law like that because it's not consistent. came up with a double helix whatever he called it of how a serial killer he interviewed 20 000 people, a lot of them started by going into department stores and doing terrible damage

21:51 That urge continues to come back more and more. None of them, you know seem to be a hundred percent and just want to kill people. do that like chimps will fucking kill each other and bite each other but then they're incredibly that a part of the whole thing i think it would have to right you know it's like we were talking middle of the summer your story about working

24:50 I ran into my friend's room. do you know the story? two large groups and for five and not learning helplessness but learning the opposite so fucking important well it's it's there I don't mean sore from working out. you you can either resist and then grow stronger because of resisting or never resist and have this Everything that's done well. Because who gives a fuck?

27:31 Yeah. It was a japanese expression and he was so happy he said he cried shokunin shokunin yeah shokunin what is it what is the Because I think it's a lie. is that it avoids intent in a better situation, and it's hilarious. And both of those things, something you can relate to, You can't even, oh, your mama, motherfucker. Yeah. because when you live in a racist society, the institutions themselves are stacked against you because they are racist. Well, that's why you can't have a white pride shirt, but you can have a brown pride shirt if you're Mexican,

31:53 can i say it yeah you're like you're like women in film haven't women always been in film then You would go there and dress in your best, put on your shiniest shoes. I have no problem I accept the fact Right. That would be her reaction. Mao! If you've never seen The Deer Hunter, yeah those 70s movies man some of them are tough to watch not the fucking deer hunter holy shit

34:47 He still carries this creepy power to him. I was like, I get it. get out of here with this watch. I'm the Antichrist. pantomime is the pantomime guy gives himself yeah pool hall movie is the guy how to play pool it's so goofy. learned it when, I play a lot. I mock everybody. Everything's mockable. get it like I was listening in the backseat of his car while they were driving home from a gig.

37:57 No, no. I guess I'll eat and sleep, but overall... But it goes back to that same thing about politically correct. we laugh at it you know every academic i have on my podcast Is this a sign of some sort of social progress that we're, like, springing back so far the other way that it's just, it's rebounding, like, some of the lost ground that was given up when they had things like separate fucking fountains for men, when women could get raped and no one would do anything about it.

40:33 way of the truth also you have to realize that some people they use an ideology to get out their And in doing so the wrong way and being super aggressive and asshole-ish, what you're doing is you're strengthening up the resistance to that. fucking terrible the sally swing, for heaven's sake. But it was, uh, my Sally swing chair, which I love, is, uh, on some serious rollers.

42:45 So who says boys should play with guns? who studied, for example, the, what are the names, the Yanomano, slate theory went crazy and attacked all those guys attacked that guy and a number of other people But here's the deal. He won't let it breed. He'll fix him He's super chill. what was up with that dog well that dog was being bred for fighting that dog was a whirlwind that

46:12 They fight the little ones. I'm sorry to jump over now. Yoel Romero beat him twice. when he was 27. Every time he would hit Kennedy, but Kennedy's so fucking tough. Constantly working him, constantly making him breathe. and he's landing a couple punches and it just so happened that for not of a second yeah and there was haymakers being thrown he was holding on to his arm and it just so happened that for a lot not even a second he had his hand inside the glove

49:07 caught i think it looks like he was sliding down he was in the middle of fucking combat that's what I mean, how much time was he holding it? I didn't notice it. There was 29 seconds between the end of the second round when he was fucking on Queer Street. See, that's what's wrong, because it's not the corners that impossible that someone would leave extra grease on,

50:56 And so they stopped the blood, He was saying, you've got to get out, get out, seconds out, get up like what's going on and he's still just sitting on the stool that should be it they should That's right. That's bullshit. That's right. Look, Angelo Dundee was one of the greatest trainers of all time. Is this real time? have the new connection jamie no it's different all right we'll fix that man tell

53:30 Yeah, that's holding on. But again, did he realize he was doing it? it's enough time for the hand yeah it's enough time to know that he's holding it and then he Right. So I think that's one of the reasons why people think this is more egregious than it is. romero yeah you're probably in a pure animal state, just reacting on instincts. He knew he was getting an extra break.

55:58 Yep. It's amazing. Dude, it was crazy. I think that was a Kenny Florian fight. What? It's like... And Tiago's far from it. And oh, by the way, you've been throwing dudes around your whole life. He was like this amateur who would win all the amateur tournaments. 18-year-old kids, just lighting them up. America. I mean, that's just what it was. That was 88.

58:44 Was it? I don't think so.-er. Mark Breland was... Yeah, that wasn't 88, was it? Was it? Gold medal in the 1984 Olympics. Yeah, they were grown men. Who's going to fight? Yeah, I know. Bernard Hopkins next fight. Yeah, he's a beast. What? Yep. I mean, I don't want to say that. What's this? Oh, I'm getting hit. Oh, this is a of when he hits him and they just go, what, what's this?

1:01:13 And I think Golovkin hits that hard. And a lot of them, they're starting out. and he was fucked up when he went into the fight like he said when he fought uh ben rothwell he's This guy's a murderer, man. I mean, like I said, that guy could have gone into the cage already fucked up. Yeah, it is. Yeah, that's bad too. everything perfect he didn't have like a big build he wasn't built like like a monster he just had he just was a wicked athlete a really good boxer

1:04:31 backwards his head bounced off the canvas oh blam it's out is that ricky hatton ricky hatton versus I think there's less people that fight in the UFC now There's very few people that have that glaring hole in their game, Guys like McGregor coming up, like Conor McGregor. And he's all point style. vicious leg kicks. Throws head kicks. I think he's a purple belt or a blue belt in Jiu-Jitsu.

1:06:41 he's learning to avoid the takedowns, Brendan told me he trained with him one time. Franklin threw a kick and the counter, and pointing out all the different aspects. How good was the guy he was fighting though? Very good. I mean, he didn't even lose the title. When Donald Cerrone hits you with a left kick to the liver, you better lift up your left leg to check.

1:09:39 And he's bringing that knee up. Because it's a classic Dutch combination, Dutch kickboxing being one of the most talent-rich countries ever for kickboxing was Holland. Rob Kamen, who's arguably the greatest of all time. came out of Holland the training in Holland even guys who aren't from home So they would always call that out. I'm dying to see McGregor, Aldo now, of course.

1:11:35 It's always interesting when someone has a big task to deal with. And that's a beautiful thing about watching contenders with various styles go at it, is that you get the chance to see. what happens if he fights a guy who just has a lightning shot that you can't stop like josh this is how much respect i have for you i'm gonna hook kick at you. Well, if you are good at it, you've got a good chance of landing it because people don't expect it.

1:13:48 Wow. But if you practice it, you can get it like everything else. I used to hate practicing it. in the western massachusetts area he was like one of the best guys that you'd hear about in the western Massachusetts area. Yeah, there was a bunch of those guys. they hit each other, and then they break the action up. Like if you hit too hard. is that you have to learn how to close that distance the best way you can.

1:16:49 doing that's what wonder boy thompson is doing what these guys are doing is they're incorporating to this incredible level of proficiency so they develop like a it's a weird jump and it's the what's so different about Conor McGregor which I didn't realize he was a national champion he was a national amateur That's his opening moves. he's awesome fucking love the guy and a guy like that man that's next level shit that's like

1:19:36 You don't know what the fuck it is. And you're doing what you said you do. Dustin Poirier. He's really good. a fascinating time for martial arts man really interesting time because all these techniques with a jumping front kick. No, Wonderboy Thompson. Anderson Silva I'll figure it out. I'll be in Bora Bora Oh, This is Brian, where you'd be. You want to be there for the fights.

1:22:39 I'm trying to bring you in. nervous on vacation i'm just not good really you get nervous i just get restless i can't hang selling out all over the place it's nice to be in a place where everything starts clicking where it was like he was on fire. And I walked up to him. That's my kind of comedy, too. One of my favorite guys to watch Well you know He makes me laugh the most

1:25:33 That is just ridiculous But he's just He's all about being Fucking I mean, he has points. He does make points, someone else And it's a great time thing just endless too you just there's so many things to talk about if i followed sports boy i Jamie would know. Okay. 1,500 dudes, that's a pretty low average, actually, if you only get a few wife beaters.

1:27:23 was a lady who got arrested who was on The Walking Dead I'm going to send poison and get you locked up in jail forever and laugh. in fact and uh yeah it was a it was a send anthrax in your name and get you busted and watch it all from the sidelines, You licked that envelope? Besides you. Did he really sexually harass you? So he hires a lawyer, a woman woman so you have to hire this woman my buddy said

1:30:35 Fraudulent claims. They decide they hate you. How did it happen? But when you're more geared up towards one side or the other, like, I can't get behind these men's rights dudes. I can't. about their children about what the husband did to the children. It's not justified, but yeah, she hit him. Because she will. It's too scary. They're just kind of blank.

1:33:51 the best part of that kind of relationship that was fun for a year until i had to figure out a I think a lot of times it's almost like you uh you regress immediately you just strike you just strike because children And then she goes, you know what's really fucked up? I go, you like it when he hits you? She's important enough to elicit an insane response.

1:35:48 You know, she had graduated, so she had to be 18. I thought that was amazing. Dude, she got KO'd and bounced her head off the pole. That was what I thought was so impersonal and strange. Drag her. It wasn't until someone showed up and people were kind of freaking out that it became, you know, something they tended to. We're going to Australia. where he works with a lot of young

1:38:23 to figure out how to rewire your brain in a positive way. You know, I don't think I was exposed to too much stress in the womb, but I was exposed man you kept things at an arm's length you were always ready to go always like you just were But when you were younger, you were not, you trusted me and maybe one or two other people. it happened back then

1:39:54 to see that trying to shelter And seeing, hearing machine guns, having to sleep on the floor, having to sleep in the war and seeing, hearing machine guns, having to sleep on the floor, how many more years as a boy, Don't you think that that also sort of imparted that nomadic thing that you have going on? I got a place in New Mexico. At all. His door's never locked.

1:42:19 you think that's why like you don't appreciate nice shit like you don't even appreciate like a When you're a white kid doing work in my house and i go out of my way to make sure that they you know feel like i'm the So nice things to him, nice clothes, nice car, they mean a lot. Somebody said, this woman who wrote She had failed math in high school, but she was looking.

1:45:10 maybe the way i think what are you trying to be um just just continue to be as original and as Someone who is poor, who looks at you, would be like, hey, dummy. Yeah. That's what you're saying. Yeah, that that becomes its own good enough to go to i'm definitely not sitting anywhere close to mother theresa if she's in you were saying you're saying like i should i feel like maybe should i give more to charity and what

1:48:03 Why is it an or? I could give to that school. to administrative costs fucking drives me crazy fucking i think the united way what was it what Find out how much. 20 cents out of a dollar. I bet it's less than 40 cents. I'm looking for it. aiding that's when shit gets weird because if it's the third world country where they're aiding that's when shit gets weird because if it's

1:50:16 Withholds? Right here. But the other 83 cents go directly towards community projects. I don't know. Jerry's kids. I would say 80% goes to the kids. Like someone was talking about the Ice Bucket Challenge. why because he just got hit in the head yeah i think it's trauma related he was ko'd so many You can't figure this shit out? No. Oh, yeah, yeah. with any legal matter in court in some jurisdictions.

1:54:23 What happens if you solicit a prostitute, though? Doesn't that mean and then they're only paying 2.5% That's insane. American Breast Cancer Foundation. Less than half of a percent. Oh, my God. The rest is bills. And I think United Way, they did this thing, and they were like, Yeah. you're not going to dip into that and take, well, you're a reputable person. Fuck you, bitch.

1:56:53 And then someone, like, she was aggressive about it, too. Well, a lot of airports cut down on that. You're crazy. Get out. Get the fuck out of here with your books. They could tell me about it. They're like, what are we doing? Was he of Hare Krishna? I was just like, this is the answer. How much are you enjoying this and how much are you enjoying being around others who are

1:59:31 there is a either movement toward each other or a movement towards something or do you think it's It's way better than, the PC shit is way better than segregated where the blacks have to sit There's still just misdirected energy, incorrect patterns of behavior that have led to people to operate in the same type of momentum Dude. Brian, pull up the photos. There's a drone video of the protest in Hong Kong. into a corner or at least it's harder to hide see what the fuck is going on in hong kong yeah dude

2:01:40 It's amazing that they can do that. Now. You could just like a regular person can get a drone crazy Over the treetops It was amazing. I had VR goggles on. So what? Look at that. people's liberation army and the you know coming into people's liberation army the people they're Well, you know, for China... shining the lights from their cell phones it's really creepy it's on usa to do that usa today's

2:05:25 Dude, look at That fucking picture! And it was 97? was really hard for the for for and also remember in hong kong they speak cantonese they don't speak them to behave like a separate and independent province because they they are not according to I mean, it's one of the weirdest things about people that don't want to support the troops, warned against was a standing army why because a standing army can be hijacked by a charismatic uh dictator and then they can

2:09:06 Yeah. It was ATF anyway. Yeah, some of them got out, but a lot of them got burned, and it was terrible. we saw them driving over buildings and blowing fire into these buildings pull up the video of Like they're calling the ruble, the currency, the rubble now because it's just like it's just not worth anything. All the guys with guns control everything.

2:10:57 This is a goddamn tank tearing apart a house. Did they do that with these guys too? That's the music that goes with the video. Okay, but then if you look at it from the other hand, Do you do this? So the question was, I think the idea was floated that they started to fire themselves Hidden Waco footage. And a third hole is made at the front door. This sounds like some chemtrail shit.

2:13:57 I think this is going to turn you over All I know is I got my deer tags, my friend. The following footage proves beyond any any doubt, that the tanks intentionally fire. You can also see the fire You get those guys who geared up. That's exactly right. saying you set the place on fire and kill the kids, but I'm saying what? You can also hear the guy say, I have a right to defend myself.

2:15:59 Oh, yeah. They were denied access. has now what if justin got together with 50 of his friends and they're all like him, and they rented a big fucking piece of land, You've got a highly armed compound of a bunch of gun nuts. really yeah they think he was shot before he um yeah koresh and about two dozen others shot So look. Fucking A, man. now you're in a war

2:18:55 I wouldn't be too I don't have Yeah, child endangerment. Well, didn't Koresh, like, had a deal where he could bang everybody's wife? Everybody. All right. Like, oh, get the fuck out of here. and she's crying and she's crying and she's talking about remembering him He plays shittiest excuse, like the shittiest way. i just feel like it's a huge magnet for the dummies oh it is society so there's a lot of

2:22:03 So there's no leaders. out of a hundred which is probably being super generous to the human race but if it really is He used to be an Australian IT specialist. 600 acres or something like that. you're gonna go crazy bring it'm bringing it down. Bring it down beard so they grow this fucking yes koresh might have gotten his nose sharpened. Could be him. And his hair straightened. I think that's Koresh. It's Duncan Trussell.

2:25:01 He does it for funny. It was hilarious. For what? Who do you think is the greatest? But nobody had Freddie Mercury's voice. They had a few monsters. fucking thing off yeah i think i think zeppelin is the number one band yeah but didn't zeppelin I mean, and a lot better. Stop. What if they made you wear a dress like those hot girls? slant right that at least was the model and that was i think the bbc in a lot of ways comes very

2:27:49 who ran 60 Minutes of any news show ever. Well, that's the infinite growth paradigm, right? It exists in corporations and it also dependent on ratings. And that's why we're all going to get paid a lot more money. Well, that's the infinite growth paradigm, right? That's Brian Callen. Wait a minute. Here me I hate Fox News Fox morning shows yeah and some of them are so bad you can't believe this isn't a school play you're like i am on a

2:29:28 is this gonna hurt the mayor because you were you went to jail for rape you're a convicted rapist He's probably wondering I'd be thinking that. Not worth it. If he could get across the border real quick, I doubt we'd extradite him. and they asked me about the experience, I was like, oh, geez, you you got to shut me down real quick. That same guy has to do everything.

2:31:56 and a guy like ray rice should just know better like okay what do you just you just talked about go to battle or whatever it might be which was mankind's history i wonder if those kinds of but I'm just having a problem That's my problem. That's right. He was alone with no women. gay the way he talked oh dear will he was just so weak yeah and clearly gay like it was such a

2:34:47 Yeah. Yeah. I know you have because you hang around with a bunch of idiots. It's such an aggressive thing to say. I know, I know, I know. Just a good waste of year That he hung around with with always around me you you pitched shows with him? Oh, he loved me. Showed up drunk to a pitch. But there was no substance. He would pitch ideas he'd be like what is this idea this dog shit idea you guys are

2:37:47 And then you just, you're there to have a good time. I didn't really know him, though. He was banging the guy's wife. those guys are slick that's their job but he wasn't that slick because i did eventually watch Are you a black belt in jiu-jitsu? brought you around people you made me look bad like you're you're not being honest you're not He was such a hustler, such a bullshit artist,

2:40:42 He takes it with him, and he goes off to this kumite. So he probably walked home, took a nap ate some food He goes, Fitzy's in jail, man. Oh, no. And hung out with the guy for a long time at Applebee's and befriended him and had actually He was the fun guy. Oh, my God. Like, the potential for one fucking unbelievably crazy person is so strong. will try anything i have seen that this guy does and he makes it the first time and does it again

2:44:19 shit that's what happens when people grow up together and one guy pushes another guy and the He climbed a fucking tree, and the lions came up the tree, and they're swatting. was up there, the lion climbed up to run through him. I saw that. Why do I not want to see this? That's a bad motherfucker. That kid's crazy. air for that long you know it's so crazy like how how how fast you fall like do that again how many

2:46:11 Is this another one? This is not good. Look at this again. He missed by like a... And they said that when men do that, it makes them more sexually attractive to females. as a person is absolutely terrifying when they see it, okay. you think you can do but you know but the bmx guy gets money if you're a bmx guy and you you do flips and shit and you're

2:48:55 Yeah, you have to deal with somebody else, Yeah I think you get addicted I think it's a way He got in the ring with keith jardine the other day that yeah that causes that causes you to do, like, shit that you wish you didn't do. I think those football players shoot themselves in the chest so that you can study their brain gland's just not functioning properly like your your brain gets so that's why a lot of people

2:51:15 Chronic fatigue syndrome. But the other one they think might have been depression and head trauma, where they just Yeah. And I think, I don't know if she'd been in a car accident or something, but I want to say she was. And now here she is where she doesn't have any energy to do anything. know people get fucking heart attacks from tooth infections yes it corrodes the artery the the

2:53:23 Like everything's great today. It's like seeing and she just dangled I'll take you now. I'm going to do it today to you. They should run out to the swamps and gun those fucking dinosaurs down. If they were crocs, we would be killing them left and right. Yep. Yep. They get really big. Oh, the kayak. that's it he doesn't see the guy ever again the croc just takes him out of the water yeah and

2:56:41 Oh my god, so Like, anytime, there's too many water buffaloes. Yeah. If people want to see Brian, it's B-R-Y-A-N, Callen. Anything to tell people? Brian, you got anything going on? Click on tour dates Mwah Mwah