Joe Rogan Experience #56 — Johnny Pemberton Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Hollaback. Play it Call it Click it Scan it Leave it Right. It's instructions. And actually, did you know Daft Punk did the whole new Tron movie coming out? That's like electronic bullshit. Now it's like an art form of itself. Before we go any further, let's introduce our guest. Is it the sports car? Nobody has had sex with that, so it's clean. They should make a self-defense version of that.

3:26 That's like a cudgel. But a lot of people sleep with a gun under their pillow. a gun in my house Well, I mean, i got this good in so what was this orange car that i'm watching you drive this fucking insane It was the kind of thing to get dirty be fucking with a car like this you're supposed to drive it gingerly did you go off the track at Just for a TV show?

5:54 did on fear factor too you have to sign away everything but so tell me the premise of the Well, you're driving this $300,000 car I'm watching now. The fucking ramp had a carpet on it. I don't know about for retards. You must be getting better with all this driving, though. Yeah, you can't open it up either. And you just rent a car. Now, you look like such a nice young man.

8:18 Right. normally would be doing we're actually doing ultimate promo show there's a 10 o'clock show at the Improv. of shows i always want to like knock the dust off first i always want to do like a weekend, you know, if I do like a bunch of shows, I always want to like knock the dust off first. I always want to do Yeah. is it's still a bar, man. I appreciate the offer

10:13 I mean I wish I could say that which is that is a good point i went there once once for a show and i that's the only time i've ever been Cool. fly it too. He's like, you have the stick, I did a whole run, a ride with the Blue Angels. The physical demands. Like, wow, and you have to do that, Because the amount of pressure for them, it's so intense. You're forcing it into your head.

13:27 the fighter pilot. The Blue Angels don't wear them, I mean, I think Skybee's part of the G suit. It's the training. It's all the, everything. I regularly. How do you stay conscious? I don't get it. I mean, I think SkyBee is part of the G-Suit. Really? Like, whoa, what happened? We did loops. This is like 99. Oh, man. He's like one of those real guys, you know, real fucking fighter pilots.

15:01 It was so crazy. you know, Yeah, but so they have He can do this barrel roll where they keep it at gravity. It's completely upside down, but because of the momentum of the plane going down, you can be upside down and throw a ball up and it will come back. I think it's basically that. And in formation. things though you you've actually have mtv has they have their full episodes on mtv but they

17:15 But the very first day I crashed an aerial atom. What? it's like there's nothing there yeah and it goes like 0-60 faster than any street legal car did you i would have been sort of in trouble. Do they give you instruction? So they have meetings with you? These are where, But Jeremy Clarkson is so awesome. loves cars you can so sing it he just he's singing it when he's when he's when he's in the car he's

20:19 They look like a giant, like, rocket. There must be a couple hundred, at least a hundred of these things there. people out there oh yeah and that's what people don't realize because they're not represented what this guy what this guy do over here get a rope new york city get a rope people i thought We settled up with them and everything. Yeah. That's a good preface with that.

22:46 The thing It's like Or something like that They're walking out on these beams. And you can't watch it without making a walnut crushing motion with your asshole. There's something about heights that really you can't get used to window of the second floor costume and i and i was like flying over this lumber yard fucking with people and i also did with an invisible cable.

24:44 Also, it feels nice though when it's tight because if Really? But also, it feels nice, though, when it's tight. Yeah, something like that i Get away from there. Are you a daredevil with other things? Honestly, I feel like when I started doing comedy, I stopped doing that stuff because I feel like comedy is one of the best rushes there is. Did he die?

27:07 cord didn't really break. No, but you could feel that. was always trying to get him to do skydiving. She died of a cliche. chasm like this a chasm over like a this this freezing cold river and it's off a little bridge We're like maybe like in the tens of people who've been off this thing. closest to the rocks in any other bungee jump. Somehow, instinctively, I'm just grabbing my fucking balls.

29:22 I have a butthole. This is the classic Brian moment. Started by jealous people. It should say jealous people and Brian And maybe a little more than that I guess it makes it all but if you have like triple every single year so the idea is you have it, the chances of you getting colon cancer triple every single year. still defecate from my anus past stool from my sphincter, anal sphincter muscle.

31:21 It also extracts a lot of vitamin D i think vitamin a maybe something else and um generally just aids in digestion like you know extracting the thing What's the average number a day? Yeah. I'm going to take a shit and it's just for you. everything sort of fill in no No, it all kind of fills they have to separate them because they have to take everything

33:33 nothing degrading about this just nature just just you know it's a symbiotic relationship and this is and I was if you had to actually did you try to because your body isn't digesting almost almost anything so really do you have like a very Just ribs, barbecued ribs, and I know it's terrible for you. You don't get real Italian subs. Peppers and eggs. You can't get peppers and eggs Peppers and eggs You can't get peppers and eggs here John

35:55 Do you try to consume your nutrients in juice form? I eat all kinds of horrible stuff, and it's always this idea where, well, I know this is going to make me feel like shit, but it's like, well, whatever. You can kill yourself with that. question, Brian. I'm glad you brought that up. you kind of lose the ability to tell shit from a fart. I do and I don't.

37:38 As a joke, I was in front of my girlfriend. Those people. so that's the bad bad phrase yeah that's what she did she saw the real africa they went and they That the driver called ahead and set it up. at first they were saying that they thought she was sexually assaulted, out of respect to the girl's family is completely wild, We talked about this on the show before,

40:03 to make them immortal. the fucking world. Like, basically in every Yeah, that was the premise of the character in the movie Lost. What is this? have like the clouds are right and everything. There's hundreds, and they're creepy as fuck. as yeah some of them sound like like oh they're incredible I listened to it the other day when I was kind of high, and it was, I was having, it was,

42:33 to me they sound better. the trees that are near wi-fi were developing like this coating like the upper layer of their some sort of a signal that you could have a video that goes through tubes and it gets to Yeah, I mean for real, right? I don't know, maybe. Harness racing. and they kicked him out Cigarettes, Kunstler. There was never like, I want to bet you $20.

46:01 they're always in the in my brain there's like, oh, this is shit that makes you happy. Oh, yeah, Kunstler. the idea of living Well, I mean, he's of the Kurzweilian, all the proto-future nanobots and all that stuff. Yeah, I loved that. about the whole thing, something called the long emergency, which is kind of like what Probably not a long-term thing.

47:51 You know, there's a very obscure theory about fossil fuels that it's not actually fossil George Norrie? Stop it with George Norrie. It's called The Black Gold Stranglehold, and I bought it with the intention of reading it. and how maybe being pumped sound and noise and just general like noise through advertisements and just everything, we would have probably different senses.

50:17 how to mix all this shit together that's the uh is that the peruvian stuff what is that yeah peru can't do it but think about like the appendix yeah exactly the appendix is an organ that existed We were eating whatever the fuck we could. I wrote it down because I wanted to talk about it. And he said after he was up there for a while, he could read the minds of the animals. And then when he came into town, after months and months at a time, and where he didn't talk to any people. And he said after he was up there for a while, he could read the minds of the animals.

52:03 because it's the same way when you're typing someone's friend's name and they call you, kind of thing. What the fuck is wrong? Really? Maybe it has nothing to do with it, but I remember there was a point in my time what reality truly is. We really are. Is it? Right, stress. you from whatever bullshit you have in your life. Oh, yeah, totally. I'm not in control.

55:27 Our brains, it's so much of who we are as a human being is a product of how we were raised and our experiences. go back they do a crime like a week after they get out for 20 years. We keep ourselves from knowing us, so we can't fix our own issues. Oh, I know this is bullshit. I swear to God, my daughter is not going through anything terrible. You've got to know when they eat.

58:02 then have them not be a boring cunt. comes from something that's an extraordinary amount of of entropy there's an extraordinary Because it's so simple to survive that it takes nothing. Cut a hand off. and you see some fucking poor lady who raised some boy. It's like the same people who have cell phone conversations incredibly loud in the middle of...

1:00:20 Yeah, we're down here right now, man. I mean, I'm going to hear one side no matter what. Duke Nukem Soundboard? I know. got to the point though like the last five at least, they actually it seemed legit. There was a There was a Call of Duty. The new That's like one of the most successful entertainment things of all time. You seen that commercial? not ever be associated with that.

1:02:31 In the commercial, they're, like, in the game. But you can't show a tit. Grand Theft Auto games? pretending to rape people. but that would be, and it's not as, Could you imagine But how is that not possible? I think it would be Jesus Christ. Oh, that's that you're American they're like oh i love you like the Asian culture. You know, like the Japanese rockabilly guys

1:05:54 Yeah, yeah. where it's these Japanese girls I feel like it's like the closest you can get to going to a second dimension of America. over there for two years and he would talk to me about i have all these capsule hotels right What a strange, strange culture. It's like manga. You scared the fuck out of me they make the most insane electronics man right and

1:08:06 It's a Lexus. That's a real good point. The North Korea and South Korea is like the fucking North versus the South. and they look exactly like you yeah it's not there's no confusion whatsoever it's like koreans Fucking crazy world we live in, man, huh? They squash everything. Well, the South Koreans, man. That's incredible. move them in certain positions okay it's a tactical game yeah it's a real yeah it's a

1:10:36 and people were going crazy when he was kicking ass. ahead of the games back in the nintendo days but, we have most of the biggest game makers here in the States. We do all the... That's crazy. Which game? The game's going to be sick. The UFC games. Oh, cool. I went to their whole factor. I've got to start working on the next game. We're starting to work on it again. That's crazy. Which game?

1:11:42 Noogies. We're bringing back Noogies. That's so cool. They did a full body scan of me too where I stand there and they spun around me with this crazy camera. Well, they could just put your head on... If you in a bathing suit with your head on it as an Easter egg. What, next week? We met him, God, it was like 2001 or 2002 or something like that. This place is called Charlie Good Nights.

1:13:56 except for a small group of people. this some models from gears of war like the animated models that aren't in the game just to the shadows would vary is insane. John Carmack, the dude who nonsense this guy's like this fucking super mathematical genius he's such a genius that he I mean, he's just like a super mathematical genius. Oh, yeah. This is one of the best iPad games I've seen.

1:16:30 I don't know. console. A couple level 50s maybe I want to say. Help! I can't even blink, like, I feel like star, and she just tweets every day the new Assassin's Creed in two days. That's what I'm saying. That's what I saying when so this you're saying that this turns you to be hunting oh exactly she's just hunting his ted likes hunting yeah you know i mean i don't

1:19:31 We all know some guys that go into yeah and depending on what the chick wants you know he addresses it as he's just going through I hadn't seen him in, like, shit, a month? But it was like, at a... recognize him he lost the 30 pounds it's like a Really? eyes i'm not saying you know look you know it's like we talked about before about religion being

1:22:23 little bit more happy they don't want to be and cynical guy this is the story this involves a comic that's older that has become a complete asshole i don't know if he was an It wasn't his brother. I mean, everybody saw it, and it was awful. I was in the front row. I was like, this is going to be so town. And I went to a Gallagher show. I was in the front row.

1:23:58 Just saying mean things to me. I don't even remember really. How old were you? And I was up there. you must be the best and sliding across the stage was to go to attack why would he make fun of a guy with a horrible disease like that oh and he He's a complete jerk. or if he's just becoming one probably Gallagher 2 right it was to identical? Close enough. If you weren't, like, a huge

1:27:06 when he shook my hand when I was shaking his hand he's a handsome man i mean look he does these concerts right he gets on stage and bitches go fucking crazy it's like Is there one? If you want to fuck a good musician, John Mayer, that's all. I didn't realize he was that. I don't follow his trajectory, really. The people doing comedy? I think also it has something to do

1:29:29 I don't remember what he said. He was being really self-critical. and he was really kind of, like, You know what I'm saying? He's just, let me go to the comedy store I've heard he's been doing it Mentor or something like that Just without all the drugs there's another guy could be injuring himself He was one of those people I did this Spike TV thing.

1:31:29 they did was they had bands play like they had zz top play but they had them play like more than but it was a weird experience the porn star girl, what they did with Jewel, for funny or die but i think that that video became so popular that like mtv or tbs ordered It was 50 Cent, and he just couldn't even sing his own song. Nobody stopped you from doing that.

1:33:36 They always at the Dimples Bar because they actually film there. realize that they're recording and saving all this shit wow so they have some pretty interesting the comedy works in it's all echoed that place is an Doesn't matter. I have a question. Yeah. I have to. Have you met her? You know what's so funny? because she has this whole thing And he was kind of like, I don't know, maybe he had had a long night or whatever, but she went right into him.

1:37:04 No, no, no, no. So he stopped trying with the comedy. She was making me nervous. Have you heard of her? I did some show with her at UCB a long time ago. Isn't that funny? That's a funny combination. Well, she's very smart, man. i don't feel like you know i've watched those i don't feel like i'm like getting anything Floyd Landis is the only one I know.

1:39:51 They do this weird thing where they train at altitude, and the idea is you're supposed to all be on a level playing field. You take it, and what it does is it makes you produce more red blood cells, blood before they have a constant gone back and tested samples that they still kept And, dude, I felt like a fucking Superman. But then it probably also can give you strokes and shit too.

1:42:02 we can have it there but the problem is it's not a uniform sound. Yeah. Well, it can explode. And some people use those to heal. You feel all refreshed. the chamber? Couldn't you just have a bed that had I think is what it is, right? how it works, That's ignorance right there. A bunch of babies around him. I want to do that so bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:44:22 Yeah. Nice guy. input and you just start having these psychedelic images dreams and it gets really trippy cool yeah The whole purpose of the thing is that you're not supposed to make any, Right. you couldn't A, It's so tricky, man. The mushrooms are... Really? It is, but somehow it's a state thing as well. about how psychedelic drugs, things where you can't

1:46:55 take three days off a week off they just reset their marijuana clock and then now they'll take If I'm writing, I don't ever take time off. I'm so stoned. I mean, I think he enjoys being high all the time. If you smoke all day long, you're not getting high anymore. He's like, no, I'm not high. and he was like Like say if Jim Brewer and he always had

1:48:50 My stepdad gave me some pot when I was eight. I was a hippie. take kind of what we're doing right now okay but you know but just three of us and it was Well, not every day because we couldn't – it was hard to get when you were 15. doing the craziest craziest things just to get get the smell of the supposed smell of smoke away That's what I do nowadays.

1:50:44 I thought we were going I was in the passenger seat We were only going of the car breaking we didn't kill it though It was also just the head of it. The body of it slammed into it the deer went through the front front windshield kicked and smashed its way People die all the time. Those actually work, though. So when you drive, the air goes through it and makes a sound that you can't hear, like a dog whistle.

1:53:25 so these herds just go crazy. Yeah, they found him when they were eating this guy. I had a conversation with someone where they I would have picked the gorilla. Yeah. They did tigers versus crocodiles. They do a lot of them with bugs. But nobody's going to Not quite sentient. Yeah. Isn't that crazy, though? No one gets upset if you go to the store and buy ant spray,

1:55:50 but they'll go crazy actually we did a thing on Mega Drive A friend of mine who doesn't have a colon as well, he loves cats. I don't hate cats. I just want them to be away. To decide how many was the appropriate number of cats to put in a two-man submersible. I don't think it's ever happened before. and not me at all. like little rubber bullets. When we did Fear Factor, they visited us a bunch of times,

1:57:49 at the bottom there under 30 layers of rats what's happening to that rat yeah it seemed like you also Well, until they're this is how long ago this is, at a pay phone I see a lot of rats out here in LA. than there are people right many more way more yeah wrap your head around that shit man i used You know, she's crazy, but she's got the rat. engage the uh the beast and and get what you can from it and think hmm do you say that but you're young how old are you um

2:00:45 so stuff like that i mean she wasn't she wasn't like the craziest bipolar but there's i can i'll be very dark. That would be nice. You're like Batman, bro. He doesn't like to give interviews. right? I want the real experience. And Dana White too. We had a great time, dude. said this is like a mini Austin Norm MacDonald not having a phone. the seat next to me.

2:02:48 but he was looking iPhone 4, huh? Yeah, I can't stand driving. Driving in the city is the most uninspiring experience in the whole world like a three-hour drive. He goes, I just sit in my car,, I just, I'm in my car. Meanwhile, how bad does it suck? Oh, me too. Yeah, I think. If you do a route over and over and over and over and over again like that man you really can go on

2:05:00 and i was like whoa what is that saving you two seconds what the fuck is going on whereas in that's what I like to do I'm like Brandy the singer With a car Get someone to To be in their life like that All the time Well you hire a hot chick to be your driver they don't Yeah it's unfortunate All coked up You call it problems problem so she goes la county court system What they should have done, they should have mandated her to be the public spokesperson for Metro, for Los Angeles Metro.

2:07:00 in Los Angeles. they can get Absolutely. I think it would be one of those fixer-uppers, probably a little bit harder than the most normal girl. She's not like a... She picked a good lesbian. Yeah. You know, it goes monkey to man. I think his name is Joe Buck. Was he Googling wolves and then you're like, I'm horny. Joe Buck is a guy from Midnight Cowboy.

2:09:28 It's another one. That's a dish bag. I'm sorry. Take that out and make it a cocksucker. Yeah, I'll callarded. What do you mean? But good comeback, by the way. That was a dish bag. and critiques mixed martial artists, the guys who are fighting in these tournaments. for the people that are competing. I can understand thinking that war is wrong and you kill people.

2:10:50 he criticized me about a technique, a martial arts technique. And then I start going over some of this guy's articles you serious no photos how is that possible just a round ball he probably knows he knows that uh Oh, wow. It's a different expression. NASA. Yeah. incorrect. he jumps on the thread and we've had this conversation But isn't intent what's supposed to be important about words?

2:13:17 I have no problem with actual gay people. Now gay is gay. What gets me, what's really gross is this artificial outrage. apologize because you use the magic you know that you know somehow or another it changes what the message I don't want to say three. He's a great guy, too. There's guys like that that get their attention that way, Oh, okay. Stop playing.

2:16:30 about a negative name for homosexual You don't have to go hunt it. And I'm going to, This sport, mixed martial arts, should be about honor. But you have to respect and honor every single one of them. Thing being nice to people as much as possible is a really important thing I mean, the reason why Hitler didn't take over the world You fucking storming the internet?

2:18:44 Obama's Hillary I forgot about that wanted me to address this What's important in this life is that you get checked every now and then. And this sport doesn't need that shit, man. A lot. there's nothing you can do. Always. We never say anything about gay people. We have a problem with these guys that they're a part of a group But it needs to be about intent.

2:21:24 because that's silly. You can't allow a word to be that powerful. dehumanizing. It can't be, you know, because it's, but like, but, be gay if you thought that. comfortable with being gay that a faggot and he's like what are you are you you really you're making fun of me because i like guys It shouldn't be magic words. The more you say it, And it was like, con and fuck.

2:23:09 One guy, one cup? and it comes out Anyway, the point is, I sent it to my mom saying, She's a crazy Christian lady, apparently. the right way and they're wearing ties and wearing business suits and they wouldn't fuck me over It's called Cunt, Faggot, Nigger, and we're here to take your shit, politicians the same thing where you can't be if you fall outside that mode of politician you're

2:25:15 any congressman. I guess it was the United Nations at the time, invade all these other places because they think we're gonna do it and everybody starts laughing It's amazing. Well, we would be too. We just use it and we turn it on your brain exactly And this is the age of change. You remember when you were a kid Morse code and shit she's I guess about

2:27:59 But I learned about the internet So it's not, like, ingrained in my, it's not ingrained in me, but. to build a house right it's almost impossible yeah it's not yeah it's weird right fuck things That's scary. She goes, she doesn't use a trackpad she's two and a half that's crazy yeah that's like such a it's like a She's scrolling through it, and it's as big as her head.

2:29:46 between people who the Conet and you should follow him And it is on what time? Okay. And, yeah, I think, I mean, you can see, I'll have posted, there's a ton of extra footage and that's you're not stupid we had a great every week um we may do one of these bitches tomorrow. Thank you very much. Big kiss.