Joe Rogan Experience #575 — Matt Fulchiron Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! I can barely do it i can't do it my mom's a receptionist i can type it runs in the fucking bloodline crazy to attend in la it's fun it's so fun it's so well done yeah all those dudes that are then in the But he's a part of this little group that during the roast battle, when a joke does Oh, shit. In there that night

2:16 And we had In the negro wave league He's funny, and he's great at that gig. Did you know that if two white guys go head to head, that they're allowed to say the N They really do. Somebody wrote about the N-word's thrown around And somebody went home an N-word pass. Over the top. like swanky classy and but kind of dirty and down and out there's no place like

5:37 you get nervous yeah well you know so you can get a view see how everything's going right now like just starting out and i had this closer and it was very hip hop oriented. Yeah. And this guy, and he's an awesome comic. Yeah. But there's just like maybe a paranoia or something there. That is, yeah. because you know brian's a great friend but i was also not on his side you know

8:17 And he goes, hey man, that's my time on stage. but you know it's weird when a guy tells you not to do something it is and you just like i don't having sex with a dolphin and then now it's not has nothing to do with sex with the dolphin isn't Just for whatever weird reason. Yeah, it's about doing it, Sometimes. So it's like, That's why I take guys I know with me on the road.

11:01 we know what everybody does. bad, and it could go really good. That's funny. like, no, you have to respond, respond. sure i'm gonna do what kevin hart does i'm just gonna do that kind of thing and they'll just Absolutely. You're right about that. Dude, we had a guy back in Boston, rest his soul, he's passed since, but his name was like marveling at him like the guy used to be a drunk but look at how organized he is right you know he's constantly performing and networking and he got sick i don't

14:40 know like five six years ago but he was been in a band for what 25 years like and he toured with some of some major acts yeah uh so yeah he i mean i i used to do open mic with him at go to the Dom Herrera podcast He was constantly missing shows classic he's the man he's so classic he's always funny and in you know when he's at his best in He's such a

16:16 And the whole deal The other day At the Comedy Store, too. You should have asked. Oh my God. Yeah, a little bit. I went there the other night too, man. Next time I shook his hand and we had a nice little conversation. Well, he's like 16. So I try not to do it as much as possible but there's you know there's obvious exceptions So it's like, and I was never enemies with Pauly.

19:06 Just because you choose it, that person remains your enemy. life that it's unnecessarily necessary you know i mean it's it's necessary but it's it's unnecessary men that wanted to fuck her you know yeah i i understand that that's an issue i sure i do I think I've talked about it before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. but I read that that photo was somewhat staged in that they did a couple takes of it.

21:19 I'd love that picture. That's my people. in new york some of it they should have just not left in the video because it really fucked with Yeah Are out there you know god bless you i got a lot of shit because i said i i just tweeted that video when it came Well, then why are you doing shows? And have girls try to fuck you all day long Know me more than

23:30 I know. all these guys are pretty much just like 100 you know like hawks in a in a wounded animal you know like women would be upset they're wanting to meet acutely aware of sexual assault and rape and they they connect every single act of Honking your horn? checks out hey what's up and it really was girls just I think women can appreciate a certain amount of aggression from a person that they like and trust.

26:41 that about how we made out with this girl and tried to push it and right you know there's going to be a group of men that go god damn even if they don't look at where it's almost like if you get over, and people fall down laugh it or we make each other laugh but there's a victim in that kind No, I just go, Jesus Christ. almost making each other laugh as they were doing it yeah it's like passing the comedy store on

29:11 That's a show right there. Huh. I don't even, I mean, I don't know. who might not eat sandwiches gutero says according to the tribune another way would be to say But I really think that what's going on when we're becoming more and more hypersensitive it gets more and more ridiculous and even intelligent people. Like what do they, the callouts and the doxing and they're getting completely roped up in this nonsense.

31:42 You're an adult. Complete total trivia. You don't put that energy anywhere. and you just look at them that are living To other people. I don't care if they have hundreds of thousands of followers. No, what's that about? That's what they're saying. Yeah, I read about this. show women as objects, like And again, I'm trying to be super open-minded on all this stuff but the worst aspects of it for sure are

35:26 but it's so, over like from controlling the narrative from like saying that all video gamers are misogynist I had dudes come over to my house, man, when I was on TV. I used to make my own computers. It always was jumpers. out of my ass when i talk about these guys and for a lot of these guys they're they're they're Obviously, I've made a generalization.

38:24 Right. No, it'd be terrible and you're not a bad person Right And she eventually kills him you could say that it's different if you're playing a game because then you're an objector how much do they actually affect the way we behave, you really fucking hard and really got your irish up yeah my irish would go drink this last yeah Who, uh, his girlfriend cracked him or his fiance, whatever she is.

40:42 It's a very good punch. She shouldn't have hit him. what what your action is you know i'm saying yeah like if this woman is hitting this guy because he's a powerful man. I mean, she was out, dude. But, yeah, but it's not cool. But you're also dealing with dudes. Like your body almost is just so shell-shocked Jesus Christ. Sure. Right. When you see a guy like Ray Rice clock a chick

44:09 But when you're dealing with head trauma, major head trauma, that guy has been hit who A hundred percent. Yeah. Jesus Christ, woman. again can't people grow and learn and so this is beyonce's sister is that how this was i don't know Yeah. we're worried about death and obscurity worried about space worried about the fact that we're on a comet. It says, I don't care if you landed

46:30 Pull this up, Brian. Your shirt is sexist and ostracizing it's just That is fucking beautiful. had and this guy chose to wear this shirt and everybody's freaking out that he chose to wear But look, there it is. It seems like kind of cosmic too You should get one. Yeah. Maybe if they had giant dicks. Yeah. Are we going crazy? No one cares at all. would it be if the sexes were reversed in this particular photo?

50:07 that was blacked out It'd go down as harassment I didn't even know it was possible. No, no, no. No, no. people's bodies and imagery and you and comic book depictions of bodies. But if he shows up with these, I mean, these women in these photos or these images on his shirt, I'll take it their sex right I can't wait for it to arrive Hey On your shirt

53:10 Is that a t-shirt Out of that The jacket and the pants. We could have it all little dicks. the you know the front of the yard just all right cock and ball shaped right bushes do you think how great that is wait how much of it i mean how much of it is uh like where is there a line that I mean, it's just a body. Absolutely. who would rape you like some Mr. Rogers shit

56:00 Sweater vest, With a dude who was creeping on me A chick creeping on me That's like voluntary It's fun until you hook up but you hear about that one dude Yeah. and pissing in the fucking coffee pot. 34-year-old Blaine, Minnesota man, is accused of ejaculating on his co-worker's desk in That's the difference. Creep ejaculates Or man allegedly Very few

58:37 Is that the guy How about we show a little empathy towards him? Is that her? Yeah. According to the criminal complaint, forgot it. Jesus Christ. Wow, come on, give him a pass, man. to get her to notice him. And her desk. What the fuck? I think it all comes back to what you said like everyone's just trying to distract themselves yeah you know well Right

1:01:53 And most people don't get to do Twice a little embarrassed to admit that i drank cum if you found a dude and you know what i mean what Kiss him on the cheek and go, you fucked up, buddy. This is why. I see that man. If you hit someone the coffee cup, that's like a fucking deadly weapon Pretty close. I like a smoker loogie. and you see how many times you can take, without

1:04:39 You know? I'm going to start a business. He did it just because he needed money. and that's higher stakes well that's what got fear factor canceled really yeah they had a drink come It's when it was real and so did you didn't really audition they came to you with that idea up and running, right? I had a whole joke about it I would interact with people

1:06:47 Like can I ask you a question man So they wanted that Posting again too Like, Joe, we want you to do Fear Factor in a different country no the only way i would ever do that again is if they broke the bank i mean they'd have to they'd have to literally do some It's really kind of fucked up, where they will let an animal out. So they'll open the cage.

1:08:31 Wow. It's like pretty small. and you go looking for them, Yeah. That would be fucked. these big antlers like whoa there's a big deer on this land that I didn't even know about. So it's worse than that. A little semen and coffee to wash it down. Yeah, no, with all the dicks on it, yeah. Okay. Is it Asa's butthole? That's uncomfortable. You'd do exactly what he's doing.

1:11:39 look into dude it's so funny it's him and Bobby Lee, and they have this thing called, one of them is called Hong Dynasty, This guy? That looks great. out about one of his podcasts because he had said something crazy about how uh he got a massage and Galaxy's the other one there's Hong Dynasty and Hong Galaxy and he's just stuff, get rid of your podcast.

1:14:23 He pulled out his bank account. And even Twitter, it's one point and then one point and then one all have our opinions it's all good yeah i, I never said anything shitty to her. Yeah. You know, when we went back and forth on Twitter, we were talking about the actual issue at hand. I'm getting better at this. When I have an interaction with somebody online and if there's some sort of a minor disagreement we could end

1:16:29 We're all learning this as we go along, I think. It was his piece de resistance. Yeah but uh there was a lot of negativity attached to it a lot a lot of I still got it. It was so ridiculous. Yeah. That's the thing. Right. But if you get off on the wrong foot and you stay on that wrong foot and then you justify You see that with biters. But I don't know, man.

1:19:51 it out for you, that they could ruin your career. It worked that weekend. But the bottom line was, after all the dust settled, Yeah. I was 18. I was in a hotel room with my parents We ignored the elephant in the other room Right. By the way, those old hotels, they can all suck it. And they're usually more expensive where they were fucking. we stayed at that the bottom of the door

1:22:47 Yeah, but that's part of the fun of the road, especially when you're with friends, the early days especially. Ever. But, I mean, the gig was impossible. They didn't want to pay us because it was awful. Right. and it was a storage room they had put a cot in. And the dude I was with was partying, so he was up, and it was a disaster. Just barely hanging on.

1:25:12 I'll just never forget. From the fucking cold wind And I ain't taking him back. Where the weather sucks a dick You might not even know someone that could teach you how to do it. what kind of fucking trial was I on? It doesn't take long to get there. get away from this cardboard house with no windows yeah you know are we allowed to make fun of gypsies

1:27:51 If you call them gypsies, I don't think it's derogatory. They're American gypsies? In vans. Another take by a friend who lived outside of London They live a crazy lifestyle. But this portrayal of it is so ridiculously one-sided and biased. I shouldn't say stabbing. status and therefore social services there are many stereotypes about the roma but the most

1:30:38 One of the things that they don't say about you're saying that gypsies haven't been involved in conflicts or the roma people whatever the fuck What website is that? Oh, okay, cool. you don't have aids you're a shit lord okay i think that's pretty much how it goes what's going only side have to admit the facts and you have to admit right right like that that that they

1:33:41 these things like muskets they take a rifle and they'll pack it like a musket and then like light like a fuse like it's a bomb i mean it's ridiculous how poor and He should. situation you don't seek that situation no but what the fuck man that's that's the real problem Kevin Smith and I talked about it the other day, and I've talked about it on this podcast before, too.

1:35:27 No, we can't. There's a billion people in China. They hacked it? They they hacked it our satellite and that's like why pull up an article on it so we can get a more definitive description Why do they care what the fucking temperature is over here? You go weird if you don't know what you're doing. people could be one asshole and we call it china yeah it's only like one to ten assholes who are

1:37:40 I did, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. They're getting all those first. under whose jurisdiction like with what objective who are the humans that are doing it you know you Gypsies Like a black gypsy Don't say Bitch is a new one. fuck out of here bitch yeah she said it to this dude and i gave her knuckles like that was a Well, that it just should be let slide.

1:40:44 No. Yeah. Sure. You can't say, oh my God, this movie's gayowned upon, I think. You're not supposed to say something's gay. Sure. Yeah. Became the seven words Like homo sapien There's a lot of trap doors in that You know They don't procreate. But again, that's what they're fucking born into. you're born into that shit what would you do you tell me fucking cards out

1:42:55 so they don't cry. was screaming and crying You think it's okay to say homo gypsy and we were shocked at what everybody was upset about. ripping him off yeah he got a bit he got like a Fraser a bit stolen. And so. Welcome to the world we live in, God damn it. Very funny. Oh, very funny. This is what happens when you park yourself there.ie is here everything was nice and smoothly you know this is take out sd

1:46:13 You got one SD card. Full charge. Yeah, man. Do you have a tour. You son of a bitch. Full charge. Doc Ricketts, and November 29th. And I'm going to be at the Analog Cafe on December 5th. I just, I get to writing, I memorize the jokes, do some stage time, kaboom. open for me. You guys keep saying this. Too Many Cooks is this got the 4 o'clock like info

1:48:10 or five minutes because they are like i can't take any more of this but if you get over the out there now. Yeah. That's beautiful, man. Trials and tribulations aside, all this shit about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches being racist and all this stupidity. It's still awesome. There's whiners and there's people that fucking contribute. people look at other people's success as their failure so i don't like you're detracting from

1:50:25 so I can do it too? Right. It was a million different things That's cool. Half these people are following me on Twitter. Follow it. Right And no one blogged about it Yeah, I'm sure it will. A young elephant fights 14 lions and wins. You'd be, people would be really pissed at you. I think so, too. That's the game they're all playing. She's an asshole.

1:53:48 I think they probably would. Yeah. there's a there's only the males have the horns is that what it is the the tusks Female rams gotta have horns, right? Yeah Oh no You guys hear about these cat dicks? Forget cat calls I don't have the money. So let the little fucker run around. They got cute balls car. Well you rarely see a cat with That was awful.

1:56:53 up and trying to piss on the walls when i had to bring him to the vet to get him uh get him neutered If I picked him up, he'd be like... I pushed some books in there, But when I finally would get him, he would... I had an all-black cat when I was a kid. I don't know. No. Exactly. Like someone thought it was a lynx or something like that. No, American tiger in Paris.

2:00:07 That's what I say. Tiger on the loose in Paris suburbs. Strong cat noises. You would blow that shit out of the park We read The Gruffalo over and over and over again. let it go, bernstein bears what are they called the bernstein bears no kidding a-i-n but for some reason they don't give a shit about you. They don't need to eat you. Koala bears transmit sexually transmitted disease to each other

2:02:58 Yeah Why is that funny? You know, we have this idea that we are in charge, somehow or another, of making sure But if they all die because of fucking herpes, I think maybe we should concentrate on poor people before we concentrate on herpes-ridden koala bears. You should have koala bears in your house, Brian. It's a PDF file your house an edu address your house is just tanning beds and koala

2:04:28 from a tanning bed. My sister used to own girls would masturbate They're just fingering themselves while they're in there tanning. So you come in, and you're just like, you know she's just right on the other side of this little like little but your butthole's just butthole to glass. You tuck your dick? when they're white? They're dark. Brock Lesnar style dick

2:06:42 You always hear that Shaq has a small dick. He always comes by and says hi. man. His dick's probably it's just ridiculous. Look, Shaq got fat. Tall guys don't too. Black guys don't. he is. That's what we're saying. Okay. Tall. Tall guys don't too. A shakto. Well, there's certain animals that absorb the male after they breed. There's quite a few. We're lucky the bugs are fucking little, man.

2:09:55 crawling on the branch and just starts eating the ants wow just picking them up and eating them Eating pigs. Isn't it weird? you know the same thing as a snail. Well, can you imagine I have a hummingbird feeder outside my That's one thing I noticed about, again, I watched the Mencio video again last night in cfd there's because there's like an extra two hours that i've never been seen yeah but then my

2:12:54 you know what a mind fuck that would be? ostriches or something like that and you try what about this what about a species specific including animals could get people pregnant. Every time you left the house, something would be trying to fuck you and get you pregnant. same size like all people are the exact same size and everybody could get everybody pregnant now

2:14:50 went gay because they were just off on campaign together and they're butt fucking these musky they say right they say that like when you wash with like one of the things a big mistake people to fight off any potential weird shit. I thought we were talking about an injury. her body, that's one of the reasons why women supposedly are more susceptible to yeast infections

2:17:15 this is not good right don't go down there how come if that's the case why doesn't herpes smell and he can now only hear Wi-Fi signals wherever he goes? That's why bees have been gossipy lately. It's a very recent story. they all have the potential to disrupt the natural communication methods that a lot of insects use. of the air 37 million man that's pretty crazy and um they're they're trying to put it together but

2:20:08 as the cause in the Picnic baskets. I'm all for, That someone could just It's just total I think there's probably science to be had there. every year they figure out how to make hives and then that queen cunt she goes around stabbing all Exactly. Oh, fuck that. Imagine what a bee could do to a fighter jet, though. No, no. video of the pilot screaming as the bees flew him over the volcano and dropped him in no no

2:24:20 Imagine if they were six-inch bees. yeah that's big i know we did actually yeah that well that's a um asian Yeah, that's a big deal. I know we did, actually. Yeah, well, that's a... Asian hornet. getting pulled from YouTube? And when they have those that's about three inches that's a fucked up bug but if they were like a foot long we would have What are those things?

2:26:08 Asian giant hornet. Fuck! Because as the hornet dies, it pulls out. because your dick is swollen. I'm never going outside again. We're all doomed. Holy shit. Yeah. All that stuff Right Torn this thing apart said that this guy mike said that his friend had found a moose that had lived for three days And the wolves, while the wolves before they finally killed it.

2:29:42 When they take out the back legs, And so there's this video of these two deer stuck together. let him go, and then they took photos and videos of the deer that it was all fucked Yeah. Oh, yeah. They eat berries, too, sometimes. How to kill it, you mean? Do I have a knife I mean, you got to gut it. I shot a bird. And I moved on with my life A beaver will kill you

2:32:28 They eat trees with their face. We should have fucking shotguns for this shit. probably scratch me up but the bottom line is if i can get a hold of it and get its back legs just you'd have to have a 35-pound cat fight. They live in a world of superhuman athleticism. I mean, if there was somehow or another that I could scramble with the kangaroo. Woody Allen was a tiny man who plays jazz.

2:34:53 Yeah, yeah. are you gonna play this he's gonna get us pulled i don't know you think people would say that this is like animal cruelty. They say he was a good athlete. Who's the fucking guy? Because if he does that shit to me, I'm taking his back. You don't want to kick him. Look at that. I'm riding his back. But I would never be in that position. It might have been.

2:37:27 Woody Allen moves pretty good. Like Brian Callen goes to this place Box and Burn. Yeah, he looked like he knew what he was doing. To fight Woody Allen like a boxing match right I wouldn't want referees But he's older now. Do you still like him, even though you know he's kind of a creeper? What? But... think it's called and uh it's really interesting man because it sort of applies to stand-up today

2:40:37 Because just to get a historical perspective of what it was like to be kind of, you know, at the forefront. It's more kangaroo vibes. It's like a movie about a guy If that gets us It's a more subtle and i got very emotionally involved with the painting you cafe wa and uh he used to do like those folk scene mics really Because stand-up wasn't... It was more of a variety show thing.

2:44:19 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like how long has it been where people have like acknowledged that what they're writing is bullshit? Obviously a long time for like a human life. Like jokes in meme form. Yeah. happy monday you know like this and just, it was a rape fest. well what's interesting is there's the conspiracy is that anybody who's smart enough to construct a

2:46:33 And you put a meme generator up. After the Hannibal Buress video comes out. he's had such a long career and if it was only like that he's been doing this entitled yeah I think it can but I don't know for sure rich privilege yeah so it is black privilege and adulthood. go through something like that that's possible but i mean since the 1980s yeah yeah it's like

2:49:20 Yeah. You know one thing that kind of leans me in that direction, besides all the obvious, Did the audience laugh? You got to think, like, if a comic called you, You're making white America look bad. Let me call Richard. He was like the original arena comic. There's so many people that still think that. It's just like, there's this kind of comedy, and there's that kind of comedy.

2:52:29 Bill Cosby calls you up, He's talking to Eddie Murphy and stopped it from ever being distributed No, I don't think so. Okay, Snipes. False. to some episodes Claire! into withdrawing house, but two facts. Name the cat Sambo what went wrong uh i don't know i just whenever i was in um school i always like had smart shit to say Seattle, Washington A lot of other people on the show too

2:56:04 Enjoy it Eliza Nice breasticles Full charge. We got a bunch of... Full charge will be on the show. Full charge on the show. Full charge. Brody Stevens. All right. Big kiss.