Joe Rogan Experience #577 — Duncan Trussell Transcript

Transcript

0:04 .800] We're sneaking this in on people they didn't even know. I just tweeted it. Just now. Yeah, we're sneaking it in, Duncan. .520] That's the best way to do it. .800] You think so? I think so too. That way for. For people that didn't expect it. And then just like going through their little computer and the Twitter comes up like, oh, my God, I can watch a podcast with Duncan.

0:22 .600] Trust. Oh, now that's too sweet. .640] He's right there and he's got a solo hunter shirt on. .960] Yes. .360] By the way, Duncan has gone gangster. .930] Poser. I'm a poser hunter. I'm wearing a camo hat and a hunting shirt and I've. .610] You've been hunting once. .970] I've been hunting more than. I've been hunting a few times and I. This is a controversial statement. I think fishing is a form of hunting. So that's.

0:46 .850] It's hunting for aliens. They don't even breathe our air. I know, they're weird. They breathe air out of the water. .290] Yeah. And you know, you gotta. We just went fishing and we had those popping corks where you gotta make the sound of a fish eating so that it's truly trying to communicate with an alien. Because they hear that. .030] Oh, like a. Like a lure. Yeah, a popper.

1:09 .230] It sounds like when they're grabbing bugs off the surface. So you're communicating to them. You're making their noises and then wrenching them out of their dimension and holding them and taking a picture with them. Because the ones we caught were too small and throwing them back in. .870] Yeah. I was with Ari and we went on the salmon run. We caught some salmon in Alaska and it was one of the most bizarre experiences ever. Because you know that these animals are going to die, essentially.

1:35 .830] Yeah. .190] They're swimming there so they can and then die. .630] Yeah. .990] And you're, you know, you're taking part of it and they're all over the place. They were giant. Like, we caught some like 30 pound, 40 pound salmon. It was so fun. .430] I love salmon, man. That's the. Those are the. That's the worst marathon of all time, which is you. You. You fuck at the beginning of it. Right? That's what it is. You're fucking at the beginning and then you're just running.

1:57 .960] They don't fuck. They never fuck. They just come on eggs. .800] So you're just. You're going upstream to jerk off. Jerking off all the way up while being ripped out of your universe by bears and humans and birds. .560] Fucking raptors are coming down, snatching you out of the water. .760] Horrible, weird sailing are fucked up. .640] Can you imagine? The last thing you hear is like the whoosh of air and just the

2:23 .760] slobbering sound of a bear. .880] E. Just hearing your body crunch. .740] Yeah, that's it. .700] You're flipping up this river, trying to go up this little embankment, just trying to get up this little waterfall, just doing your best, flopping around and you get caught in midair by a monster wild dog that weighs like 2,000 pounds. .300] I bet there's salmon. I bet there's like inspirational salmon speakers who as everyone's running, they're like, we can do it. You can do it. Just believe in yourself and we'll get to the top of the stream where there's hell. Heaven.

3:00 .400] No, it's a mad genetic dash. That's all it is. Just a mad dash of genes trying to get through this weird pipeline where these giant bears live. They're the biggest bears in the world, by the way. The biggest bears in the world in as far as like brown bears. It's between Kodiak bears and polar bears. Polar bears eat like seals and. Yes, but the brown bears, the biggest brown bears in the world, they live all near the salmon rivers because they just fatten up.

3:25 .980] Oh yeah, that's. I love watching that bears. That seems like a great incarnation. Like when you think of the incarnations to get a bear is one of the good ones. Especially one of those fat ass salmon bears. They just lay around, they fight each other. They're always dirty and covered in flies, but they don't care. .740] I would say yes, except they're almost 100% cannibals.

3:46 .780] I mean, who are we to judge? How can we judge? Maybe it's. Maybe it's delicious to eat another bear seals, by the way, I know you probably saw this, but it does need to be mentioned since it just hit the Internet. You've seen the seals raping the penguins, right? .350] I heard about it. I didn't watch it. .790] You need to watch it, man. .910] I can't watch it online because it'll get us pulled from YouTube. That's like a. A statement. Now get us pulled from YouTube so you can play it up there and it's not online. We're going to try the new thing.

4:12 .950] What if it's on YouTube? .070] We're going to try the new thing. .070] This is so nice, man. .040] Yeah, we have some new setup that we just started. Look at that. Sam Kinison. Louder than hell. What to watch. You could watch it on YouTube now. That's incredible. .280] Enigma. Greatest hits. .000] Yeah. So what's going on is that seals are sexually harassing and raping penguins. This is what it says.

4:38 .280] No, this is not. This is not harassing. This is rape. I didn't see any. Seals are pinching their asses. They're like, hey, sweetie. No, they're. They're raping them. .100] You got to see, like, if, if you're saying sexually harassing, isn't it just attempted rape? It's just they weren't successful because it's not like they're communicating. So how else can be the. They could be sexually harassing.

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6:26 .710] It's highlighting what a lot of people miss out about creatine, that its core function is cellular energy, meaning it impacts not only your muscles, but your brain too. Like all supplements, not all creatine is created equal. Momentous Creatine is backed by the Momentous Stand standard, sourced from the highest quality German creatine with no fillers or additives. It's also independently NSF certified for sport guaranteeing purity and label accuracy. Momentous always does things the right way, not the easy way. You can try Momentous Creatine in their classic clean powder or check out their newest option, Creatine chewable tablets. Momentous Creatine Chews are the cleanest way to take creatine on the go. Available in lemon, lime, strawberry and mango. If you want to try it for yourself, shop momentous creatine@livemomentous.com rogan and use the code rogan for up to 35 off your first order. Well, once. Once someone's trying to rape you, that's assault, right? Sexual assault at the very least. So even if you. They don't you. It's sexual assault.

7:36 .510] These aren't. These seals aren't hitting on the penguins, man. They're not like, texting them too much. They're. They're climbing on top and like. Well, you gotta see this, man. Look at that. .830] Oh, that's. This is crazy. This poor penguin. .590] Look at the other penguins. .590] If you're just listening to this, this poor penguin just sits on the seal and starts trying to. It. It's awful. It's awful.

8:05 .390] It's no, there's no. .510] The seal rather sits in the penguin. .820] All the other penguins are kind of watching in this embarrassed, sad way because they could be next. .940] They can't do anything about it. And this seal is just holding this penguin down. Look at it, trying to peck at him. And. .060] Is that Paul Simon playing to this? .220] This is so fucked up, man. This is so fucked up.

8:27 .140] And this is like the, you know, this is like when monkeys figured out how to use tools. There's no going back, man. Once these seals, they've been living with these penguins for so long. Horny, not knowing what to do. And that seal is the equivalent of Tesla for seals because he figured out that you can fuck the penguins. Oh, ever. .080] Now here's the big question. When it comes to animals, we're attaching our idea of what it would be like to be fucked by that seal. You know, this humiliation, the, you know, the social ostracization. What's the word? Ostracizing. The horror, the trauma of all that. But do they register those things the way we interpret them? Like we're interpreting them in sort of a social contract construct, right? Yeah, we're interpreting. If I was us, if I was me and I was on that beach and there was a grizzly on top of me, raping me, which is essentially the physical equivalent, right?

9:29 .820] Your friends kind of marching by, I .060] would be super upset. Your friends just stand there watching you get fucked by this grizzly bear, I would be really upset. .260] Hang in there, Joe. .350] But I mean, once they. Once this. Once the seal lets that penguin up, he's probably like the penguin just like, psyched to be up like I don't. I. He probably just happy lived, you know? I bet they don't really feel embarrassed. I bet they're just like, they don't want to get fucked, but they deal with it.

9:56 .470] We don't know, man. It's one of the great mysteries of the universe. .830] What do you think? I mean, it probably doesn't even care if it's a male or a female penguin. It's like, fuck you. You're all girls to me, you know? It's a goddamn giant seal. .400] Warm and oily. That's all it needs. .680] We attach all these ideas to animals. We love to do that. And one of the big ones we attach to animals is like our own interpretations of what something means. Our own versions of it.

10:25 .680] Well, yeah, and it all goes back to the idea. The big question is, are our brains, the things producing our sense of awareness and self, or is there some other disembodied awareness that sort of goes through organic matter when it has the right kind of nervous system and creates the sense of self? But if you believe in the mechanical idea, the materialist view that it's just a bio computer, then the penguin's experience is probably just a very. Something is hot and warm pushing it down. It wants to get away. And when it gets away, it's not like waking up at night screaming.

11:04 .180] Or it probably will avoid seals. .940] Yeah, I bet. Either that or it's like the most kinky penguin of all time. .500] Yeah, maybe he's just playing hard to get. Oh, look, there's something wrong with my flipper. Oh, looks like you're gonna fuck me again, you asshole. He gets really into it. He just, like, starts leaving himself by the shore, falls asleep by the shore, hoping the seal finds him. He falls in love with the seal. It turns out that that's what he wanted all the long. You know, he always thought he was a top, but what he was is just a really strong bottom and just needed a seal to show him the way.

11:41 .520] It's like that terrible intent, that website. Stop prisonrape.org We've talked about, talked about that. .360] Not fun. .280] Terrible website, man. But that's the one where it's got that poem. The ninth one. The ninth one. Who raped me. .680] Yeah. You know how much of that is trolling? You know? You know, I'm saying, who is that? Seems like that performed at the battle. The. The roast battle. I have a CD in my car. The. The singer. Find out who it is. Find out who is the guy who played that song, that awesome song at the roast Battle. Yeah. Find out who that is. He was hilarious. Anyway, his song that he played at the roast Battle, which was unbelievably funny, was based on a guy falling in love with. I don't even want. I shouldn't probably tell the premise. I probably should probably stop right there. It's just really funny. And. But it's obviously fiction, Total fiction.

12:39 .880] Right. .440] Whereas we're reading the prison rape thing. We're assuming these are actual stories. It could very well be somebody that's fucking around. .200] Well, it's. It's like that South Park. I don't know. I think it just came out. The one with the south park kids try to get their parents to stop watching what they call murder porn, which is like Forensic Files and stuff. You know, like, you lay in bed. No one is watching Forensic Files because they're like, I really want to gather more information about this case to see if I can solve it. People aren't watching Nancy Grace because they're like, I'm going to help find this missing child. People are watching these shows because they're getting off in a deep, visceral way at other people's suffering. And that website stinks of that. That it's. That kind of.

13:23 .260] Like, there's one. That's one option. The other option is feeding paranoia. .980] Right, Right. .700] Like, if you go over Grandma's house and she constantly has, you know, those Wanted shows on, and when the guy's face come. Hold on, hold on. She shushes everybody trying to get a look at the screen, trying to memorize this dude's face. You know, if I ever see him, boy, I'm gonna call that guy.

13:42 .300] Yeah. .780] Wanted. He's wanted. .660] Yeah, I. I don't know, man. I think, like, whenever I watch Forensic Files, it's just. There's this kind of like, terrible pleasure that comes from realizing that this world is like that and I'm safe in this nice hotel. You watch it and you get this kind of like, wow, that's fucking crazy. It's like that. It's like the show. What do you call it? Schadenfreude or whatever. It's like that. For whatever reason, human beings and the deepest part of themselves, if you're really honest with yourself, when you watch some awful thing on the news, it's not like your heart explodes initially with all this sweet compassion. You're like, what the. Wow, look at that explosion. That's intense. But it's not like you're weeping. It's not like tears are falling out of your eyes. You're just sort of in awe in a weirdly excited way about shit blowing up. Carlin's got a great joke about it, but it's. This is like a bell curve. There's a bell curve created where when something close to you is suffering, like if you're in a. If you see an animal that's sick or if you're. Something awful happened around you, you would be like, fuck, that's awful.

14:51 .750] And try to help, you wouldn'. Be like, this is weird and kind of cool. But somehow this bell curve happens where if that very same thing is happening outside of a certain proximity to where you're at outside your neighborhood, usually in another country, it goes from being this kind of morning horror to a weird kind of creepy enjoyment. And that's what the news is making money on. Because if people watched the news and felt terrible when they watched disaster, nobody would watch the news. It wouldn't make any money. People like to sit and stare into the apocalypse because it's entertaining, it's an entertain apocalypse.

15:26 .660] There's definitely something to that for sure. There's definitely some draw a part of it where we get this weird charge about watching inevitable destruction. But just not ours. .420] Yeah, just not ours. Don't want that. But when you see it, whenever it's somebody else, you kind of feel like you dodged a bullet. I mean, it's like it's a. It's. It's a terrible thing, but it is true. People don't want to watch stuff that makes them sad. Like the Humane Society commercial. You know, the thing that pops on when the eyes of the angel are in the arms of the angel song. You. You can barely watch that because it's so terribly sad. People don't want that. But somehow the anesthetized war reporting. The anesthetized. Or the. The sort of like foamed down aerial shots of a fucking drone strike with that kind of weird flash of smoke. You see the shapes. Oh, those are. Those are trucks with people in them. But you don't see that, like, smoldering, twitching human corpse or the guy limping away with his femur jutting out as he's. Like one of his eyeballs is out and he's thinking about his wife and he's wondering if he's ever gonna see her again. You don't see that. You just see this, like, gone.

16:37 .050] And not only that, you see it in like a shade that's nothing like a shade that you would ever see in real life. You've seen that weird gray, greenish, like you know what I mean? That when you. The representatives, they're all heat signatures, so all the people are just this sort of white. And then, like, it's the weirdest, most abstract thing. If you think about, like, how advanced our ability to film things is in 2014, why is all the footage in this, like, weird black and white, you know, radar ish looking fucking footage? Like, you don't really see video of those exact same things in hd. I don't know if it's because you can't get it or because they're doing it at night. I mean, I don't. I don't know.

17:20 .060] Well, I think probably they don't want people to be like, hey, this is just terrible. Let's stop that. Like, when they show the drone strikes, imagine if they did start playing Sarah McLachlan or something. They don't do that. The military doesn't put that kind of music to their drone strikes. I feel when you. When you smash a bug, like, if you smash a bug in your house. If I smash a bug in my house, I feel there's more of a sadness when I'm like, God, I'm sorry, but you're a roach. I gotta take you out, my friend. You have to go into the next incarnation now. And I kill it. Sometimes I take them outside. I feel more intense about that than when they show humans being exploded. Because they do it in such a quick, packaged, sweet way that we're all numbed out to it. We're all numbed out to the fact that those fucking explosions that are evaporating people are 100% being funded by the money that is siphoned off of us every time we buy lattes or whenever we sell our life energy to other people that is being converted by some invisible power into human evaporating devices.

18:27 .700] That doesn't occur to us at all. It's just like, yeah, well, it's war, I guess. .640] Look, they fight for freedom so that we can have freedom over here. .960] It's true. It's true. But the problem is some of them do, man. Some of them do, and they're real heroes. .400] Like, they go over there with real good intentions. And there's. It's also. It's not as simple as black and white, because there's a real issue with all sorts of spots in the world with this human conflict. It's not like if we weren't involved in Afghanistan, all the shit that's going on in Africa wouldn't be going on right now.

18:59 .740] What? .980] It's not like Any of the conflicts that exist all over the world. The conflict between North Korea and South Korea. Like, there's everywhere you look, the Russians are invading Ukraine. There's everywhere you look, people are fucking with people. Everywhere you look. It's been going like that since the beginning of time. .980] Yeah.

19:16 .380] So this idea that, like, if we weren't involved, it wouldn't exist. I don't know. I don't know about that. You know, I mean, it would be nice if everybody was Canada. That's what. .540] Damn right. .140] If everybody was Canada, we wouldn't have to worry about shit. Everybody would just chill the fuck out. Canadians aren't pussies, but they're nice. They're nice and I think smart. They're smart as shit. I think one of the problems, one of the. One of the things that's going on with Canada is that Canada doesn't have this history of trying to conquer the world. They don't have this history of, like, being involved. Like, if you get involved in a conflict, then you're involved in reverberations of the conflict, the rebound from the conflict, the post conflict rehabilitation of the area.

20:00 .320] Yeah. .680] You're involved in a bunch of back and forth, back and forth. It takes a long time to not get to not be financially and socially and. And culturally entwined in that conflict. .120] That's crazy. People never think about that. .320] No. Once you get entwined in any sort of conflict, you set a whole process in motion. .400] That's nuts. Yeah. Not just in war, in life, general, Whenever you get in a conflict with somebody these terrible. It's like. It's like when your earbuds get tangled, you gotta. You gotta.

20:28 .740] Why resolving conflict feels so good. .820] Yes. .220] You realize, like, it's just like we both just got untangled from some stupidity that didn't have to be there in the first place. .820] Yeah. .700] But when your whole nation has been doing that for 200 years, man, it's. It's hard, you know, and noble wars, you know, like, getting involved in World War II and trying to stop the Nazi empire, which was legitimately in, like, an evil empire run by a madman. I mean, if you really want to think about how crazy war was in the 1940s, you have to take into consideration that this was for. Everyone knew that they were working towards some ultimate weapon. Okay. Everyone knew this. Everyone knew this was one of the first wars ever that was fought with airplanes. World War I, World War II, they figured out they could fly over to places and start bombing them. So people on other continents were at war with People, I mean, it was some high scale shit really, for the first time in human history. Because before that it's like everybody had to come over on a boat. It took fucking forever to get here. When they got here, they got scurvy. You fucking pick them off at the beach. It's like it's no big deal. Oh, we brought our cannon, so good luck getting to the shore.

21:41 .420] We're just gonna fucking sink you before you even get close to us. We got cannons over here too. Stupid. And you gotta take your boat and far where the cannons can't shoot you. I mean, it was a really short place, a short distance. Warfare. .520] Yeah. .880] Then all of a sudden it becomes the 1900s and people can fly fucking planes and they're just flying and dropping bombs. Not just dropping bombs, but dropping a fucking nuclear bomb on two cities. So they're just saying fuck military. Fuck military. No, we're at war. War. What a war war means is not like we shoot your planes and you shoot our planes. No, we're gonna drop an annihilator of a bomb. A bomb that doesn't give a who it hits. We're not thinking about collateral damage. We know we're gonna kill a hundred thousand women and children at least.

22:33 .240] Yeah. .680] And we're, we're willing to do that. We're willing to go think. Press that button to stop this bullshit. .080] Yeah. .300] Whoa. .540] Yeah. That was a big leap in the direction of the apocalypse there. .340] Terrifying. .140] That's a timer. You know, man, I was just talking to Matt Staggs not two hours ago, because I was trying to get him to explain. The fuck is that called the Fermi Paradox. You know, the idea that if. So there's two. There's the Drake equation, the Fermi paradox. The Drake equation is the equation that a bunch of people at SETI came up with, which is like, these are the components we would need for there to be extraterrestrial life in the universe. Let's gather all this shit up and we can get an idea of some random number of where this could be. It's kind of a shitty equation because it's based on one sample, which is us. But still it's an idea of like how many civilizations are there out there. And I can't remember which guy it was. One of these guys said he. I think Drake said he. And this is before Kepler discovered all these other planets in the Goldilocks zone. This is before that he said 10,000 civilizations equivalent to ours. And then that gave birth to the Fermi paradox, which is. Wait if there's 10,000 civilizations just in our, I think, in the Milky Way, then that must mean in an infinite universe, there's that, you know, exponentially more.

24:03 .860] Why haven't we seen them yet? And so there's all these reasons of why maybe civilizations don't make it into turning into Canada, which would be a Class 2 civilization. And that is because, like, I'm sure we've all talked about this before, we blow our fucking asses up. And that was when. That's when the clock started ticking right there, when humans started dropping nuclear bombs on other people. That's the beginning of that ticking clock that sets this terrible truth in motion, which is that here we have invented these devices of absolute destruction, and we are believing that our civilization, our society, is going to last long enough to keep these things in our hands and not in other people's hands. And so in Pakistan, India, North Korea, Russia, all these tumultuous areas have these devices that evaporate human beings en masse. And clearly, if you look at the world right now, you could see with these masked fundamentalist psychopaths beheading people and what just happened in fucking Jerusalem with that hatchet loony coming in and just hacking up people while they're praying, and then that'll be followed by an insane attack on them. You see, we are existing in such a tumultuous civilization that there is a very high probability that nukes are going to get out into the world and that it could shut the civilization down.

25:38 .330] The implication being this happens in all developing civilizations moving from type one or class one to two, which is what we're doing right now. And that's why we should be putting a fuckload more energy into exploring just how important are all these various cultures everyone's adhering to that's making them feel like it's okay to evaporate other people. How important is a culture that says it's okay to kill these people because they're of a different religion or they live in another country or wherever? Like, this is a mental disease, man. We are already Canada. We're Canada filled with a bunch of different colored people who have mental contaminants in their brain that makes them believe in various versions of an invisible megalomaniacal doom God, you know? And so that's creating all this problem. That's the big frustration, man.

26:30 .100] Here's devil's advocate, though, of course. Yes, Devil's advocate is just because we are involved in all these conflicts all throughout the world, and just because United States has Definitely done some shit that most people would agree would be horrific. Yes, most people. Most reasonable people, sure. If there was no military, if we had no involvement whatsoever, we could just pull out and erase all of our contacts with anyone all over the world. Would we really trust that some new crazy fuck wouldn't rise to some extreme Kim Jong Il type of power?

27:08 .760] Yeah, right. Like, if we're, like, suddenly like, okay, no more military, everybody go home. Melting this. We're gonna turn all of the guns and all the military bases into utopian civilizations where human beings can have access to infinite marijuana and float tanks like what you offered me when I moved in with you that time. Let's imagine that that happened.

27:32 .880] Right? .170] Right. And that happens just in the United States, meanwhile. I mean, all these people, man, they're a little butthurt, to put it lightly. So they're gonna be like, oh, great, so now you guys have your super telescopes and your utopian civilizations and your beautiful palatial gardens that used to be military structures, but remember the time you accidentally killed my entire family and everyone I know because you dropped the bomb in the wrong place. Because I do. I just can't seem to forget it, guys. I can't seem to forget it. And there's a lot of people that feel like that. And so now we've created this terrible, terrible pendulum, a chain reaction, this bouncing back and forth of war. There's the essence of the problem. Israel and Palestine. How the fuck. You just hacked up my grandfather, motherfucker. He was praying and you fucked. Two of you psychotic fundamentalist motherfuckers came and hacked up my grandfather and my grandmother while they were praying right after my wedding. You just did that to the rest of my life. I'm not gonna forget about that motherfucker. And over there, they're like, oh, oh, that makes you sad. How about you?

28:43 .490] The time you guys devastated my entire city. I just. I sell fruit. That's my job. I sell fruit. You guys turn my fucking family into hamburger meat. So I'm not forgetting it either. Back and forth, back and forth. Infinite war. Infinite war. So the question is, how do we fix that? Question. Well, yeah, but I agree, it seems .300] like the only way.

29:08 .020] Well, it seems. Here's the scary problem, man. This is the scary shit that makes a lot of people. That will make a lot of, like. Would make. If you're a conspiracy theorist, for some reason, this scares people. But if you do look at that, obviously the Israel, Palestine thing, I don't see how that's gonna fix it itself. And if you read Zealot by Reza Aslan, which you fucking should, because you would love it. That fucking conf. That place is just a. That place has like been having flare ups for like thousands of years. Just these terror. That's the part of the human biomass that has got some really, really sensitive hemorrhoids, man. And one slight little friction the wrong way and that shit flares up with war all the time.

29:50 .350] Well, we've talked about this before. That's the cradle of civilization. I think they're the townies of the world. Those are the people that never. When civilization evolved in, you know, Mesopotamia and Sudan, Iraq and Sumer and all that. That whole area is like the oldest stuff that we know of, really. Like the written language and mathematics and all that shit.

30:11 .750] They called Jerusalem, the Romans called Jerusalem a hole in the corner is what they called it because they just thought it was. This isn't this great book and it's so good. But they, you know. Yeah, that's what they thought of them too. And they invaded them and they thought it was like quaint what the. They did what was called the Jewish cult, which is that the Jews. It's so good, man. The description of the temple, you know where the Wailing wall is now, that got destroyed. It's so beautiful. Describing how that religion worked and the way he's so good at articulating the strangeness of it, which is that you have this structure with all these levels that different people are allowed access into. So like you've got like this outer area which anyone can be at. And that's where everyone sells shit, right? And that's where the money changers are. Because if you were going to buy animal sacrifices in the temple, you could only do it with the Jewish money shekels. You couldn't do it with any other currency. So you had to change money there to buy whatever animal it was that you were going to sacrifice.

31:18 .360] And you'd give that money to the priests who had purchased their position from the Romans. And so you would give that money to the priests. And then the priests you would be able to. If you would be able to get into certain areas. But there was one area, the holiest of holies, where once a year a priest is allowed into this place with a rope tied around his body in case God strikes him down. They could pull his body out of the holiest of holies. And the idea was that the spirit of God on earth was just blasting out of there like some kind of nuclear reactor of spiritual energy. And so that place was constantly, constantly being invaded, constantly being overthrown, constantly having fucking problems, man. Always having problems. And Jesus, this book, it's called Zealot and it's about the historic Jesus. And usually that shit's pretty boring to me, but this is real. Jesus was one of so many people back then who was saying it was the end of the world. And he wasn't saying it was the end of the world because he literally thought it was the end of the world.

32:26 .270] They just couldn't accept the fact that they worshiped the greatest God on earth and the Romans had invaded. So therefore the answer was this must be the apocalypse. The world must be ending. So it's just this incredible place, man, and it's fucking. Always in that state of turbulence. It's out of balance. The place is out of fucking balance. You know, it's always this. They're always getting invaded, it seems like.

32:49 .880] I mean, if you think about countries that are as far removed from war as like, Norway. .640] Yes. .120] Iceland, Greenland. People live in Greenland. .530] They should. It sounds like a beautiful place. .090] Probably not really green. I think it's getting greener because global warming. .210] That's the next California. .730] That's gonna be an amazing Hawaii.

33:10 .010] I think it's called White Land right now. Yeah. Well, you know, there's. They found a map of Greenland from like the 1500s or some where. We didn't even know that Greenland was a continent apparently until 1800s, like the Western Western civilization. But they found this crazy map. I believe it was Greenland. Am I right? Or was it Antarctica? It was one of those. But they found this really ancient map that seems to suggest that there was some people from a long time ago that knew a lot more about making maps and about where continents were and that maybe the continents were different. You know, once we know about like, you know, we know about the Stone age from like 10,000 years ago, or the. The Ice Age, rather, where like 10,000 years ago, North America was like, covered in ice. Well, they think that it's possible that sometime before then people got good enough so they can make a map and then they sort of pass these maps down. There's the map is this.

34:03 .060] It comes up when I search Greenland. .300] Ancient map. No, it's. Fuck. Just. It was like. It was just of the continent and it was really unusual because the continent up until that point had been like, covered in ice. This episode is brought to you by Manscaped. Did you know that one man is diagnosed with testicular cancer every hour? In fact, it's the most common form of cancer among men ages 15 to 35. April is national Testicular Cancer Awareness Month and manscaped is donating $50,000 to the testicular Cancer Society to support awareness and routine self checks. I'm proud to support something that helps make a real difference. You can also support the cause by purchasing a special edition TCS Ball Hero Bundle. This bundle includes the Lawnmower 5.0 Ultra TCS Special Edition and Special Edition TCS Boxers 2.0. Join the over 13 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped and use the code ROGAN15 for 15 off your entire order@manscaped.com you can also visit manscaped.com tcs to learn more about how to check yourself or make a donation at TC Society Today to save lives and Balls. This episode is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. When you're picking out plants for your garden, there's a million options.

35:39 .990] Even after considering things like climate, season and setup, you still have a lot to choose from. Even figuring out which tomato plant to buy could be a headache because you need to look at the actual plant. Is it flowering? Does it have signs of new growth? Hiring Managers I know you run into the same problem. With too many resumes to go through. How do you make sure you're talking to the right people? Well, the answer for you is easy. ZipRecruiter. Try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com Rogan ZipRecruiter is making hiring simple and fast. Or with its latest feature, it helps identify top talent who have the right skills and are interested in your role. They can even tell you why they're interested in their own words so you can get a sense of who they are. Cut through the standard and get to the standouts with Zip Recruiter. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. And now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com rogan that's ziprecruiter.com roGAN Meet your match at ZipRecruiter. Forget the story. God damn it. I hate when I have a half a story in my head like that, but it's something along those lines.

37:02 .300] But point being, when you when you talk about like Israel and Palestine and you talk about the Saudi Arabia and Iran, that those ideas to Americans sometimes seem so abstract. It seems like that shit is just over there. But like if that was your neighbor, can you imagine if the dirt was closer and your neighbor was just fucking lighting your Neighbor up with bombs. Yeah, people were flying in with flying jets. Yeah, man, that don't even have people in them.

37:34 .590] But you know, this is the thing. When I worked at a summer camp, if a bunch of kids. .280] By the way, every great story starts with when I worked at a summer camp. .080] You know, kids would get in these fucking fights, man. They get in these ridiculous fights and they begin like, they become like arch enemies. It's amazing how much venom can spring up between, you know, two 12 year olds. But they would become arch enemies. And so one of the things that you would do after they'd gotten in a fight is you make them sit together on a bench for two hours. You just. There's a bench. You guys have to go sit on the bench together. Nobody's around them. And inevitably, over that course of two hours, they usually will make up and they'll become best friends for the rest of the summer. They'll talk and like they. Whatever the fuck the thing was, it just naturally heals itself, right? So now, God forgive me, I know that that is one of the most awful, naive oversimplifications of a thing. But eventually the people who aren't blowing each other up on a daily basis, who are sharing a planet with the people who are blowing each other up on a daily basis, and it's a planet where nuclear weapons exist and we're all so deeply connected and getting more and more connected every single fucking day.

38:51 .490] At what point does the planet say, guys, we gotta put you on the fucking bench, man. We've gotta like, stop this war. We just have to. When, when does a civilization wake up and realize we are not Americans, Canadians, we're not. We're not based on the land mass we're on. We're earthlings. We're earthlings and we're all living together, sharing the same resources. And somebody's got to recognize that the longer that we play around with, we're all different. And that's great. We're all different and we just are going to celebrate our own cultures. We're just going to celebrate our own cultures into infinity. And. And part of our cultures involves worshiping God damn warmongering death gods that somehow make it seem okay for us to murder other people in the name of it. Eventually you gotta be like, guys, sorry, we're not doing that game anymore.

39:44 .830] Well, it drives me crazy when people start talking about religions as something to be respected, you know, like respecting other people's religions. Well, there's a lot of shit in religion that you can't Respect. If you're a rational person, there's a lot of shit like stoning for adultery. .580] Yeah. .060] I mean, if you're really. If you're really advocating stone stoning people, hitting them with rocks until they die for having sex with someone they want to have sex with.

40:09 .860] Yeah. .260] You're fucking crazy. .380] Yeah. .700] You ever seen those videos? .940] I can't watch them. I've seen the links. I'll never watch. .500] That was a father and his daughter, and it was so awful. And he was treating his daughter. You know, I mean, it was. It was sick. It was crazy. It was. He wouldn't talk to her, wouldn't say that she was his daughter. He wouldn't look at her. He wouldn't touch her. She wanted to hold her hand. He wouldn't hold his hand. She wouldn't touch him. Or he wouldn't touch her, rather. I mean, I'm getting flustered talking about it because it's hard to watch because you realize this is a father. He's gonna kill his daughter with a rock because they both got trapped in some crazy ideology.

40:46 .340] This is his baby. .940] This is his baby. He's gonna kill his baby with a rock to show his love for an angry God that he's never met. .740] There you go. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. .340] No, no. Yeah. .300] No, but how. How do you enforce it and how do you do it? .540] You can't enforce anything with people. You got to let people know what it really is. It's not the word of God. There's no word of God out there. What if there is a word of God? It doesn't belong to one fucking group. That's. That's for goddamn sure. The idea that God came down and talked to one fucking group and his knowledge is the only true knowledge, and this group only has. Anybody who tells you that is full of shit. Okay? So let's just start there.

41:27 .110] There you go. .550] Let's just start there. God's gonna talk to everybody. He's gonna talk to Chinese people. He's gonna talk to black people. Everybody's gonna have a universal message. And if it's not a universal message, everybody needs to sit the fuck down and talk this through. Because we might be getting some mixed signals here. We're not at war with each other. We're just humans. We're just a bunch of humans. And this idea that you have to be at war because somebody wrote some. Some down on animal skins, or you have to be the chosen one, or you have to be the people that have the truth, you know, why is the other you know, religion saying this, it's simple, because we are the truth. Yes. And everybody claps. I've seen that, man. I've seen that in Islam videos. I've seen that in Christian videos. I've seen them say in Christian videos, these online things, because, well, the Lord, the Bible is the only true work of the Lord. And everybody will go crazy and clap. How do you know? How the do you know? You don't know. And it doesn't mean there's no God. It doesn't mean there's no God.

42:23 .760] It means that you don't know. You're pretending you know because it makes you feel better and you're fucking with everybody else when you do that. .280] Most people I know who are the most radical atheists have been raised in those fundamentalists households. And that, I mean, I consider that to be a form of child abuse, which is. It's a psychic child abuse where you get. You get 1 plus 1 equals 3 for your entire life. I told you about the time where I was hanging out with the Hare Krishnas, right? Did I ever tell you about that? And one of the Hare Krishnas, when I was saying to the Hare Krishna, the Bhagavad Gita, as it is, is the Bhagavad Gita with these purports by Prabhupda, the founder of the Hare Krishnas. And there were some things in there Prabhupda said that I just didn't agree with. It didn't make sense to me. Didn't make sense. So I said to him, you know, I don't agree with this here. And he goes, we don't say that we don't agree with Prabhupda. We say that we don't understand what Prabhupda means. You're too stupid. It's not that you have the ability to be logical enough to look at whatever the particular mythology that's getting diarrhea all over your fucking brain and be like, no, this is wrong.

43:45 .060] It's that you're stupid. Stupid, or you're possessed by Satan or, you know, demons have taken hold of you. It's. And so when you're one of the most, theoretically one of the most intelligent beings on earth, which human beings are, and you're having this shit thrown at you, then the fundamental, one fundamental component of being human being, which is a part of you, are like, nope, that's wrong. That gets subverted. That gets subverted. If that's not child abuse, I don't know what is. Which is why a lot of people are so. A lot of many radical, radical, angry atheists. They should be angry, you know, that God that they are trumpeting, that doesn't exist. They should be trumpeting it. They should be doing tap dances on its moldering grave and cheering and joy.

44:27 .280] You know, another problem with religion is that it's very regressive in nature. Not that it's not progressive in some of its ideas, because like a lot of Christianity, it sounds like really good advice if you want to live a happy life. There's a lot of it. But the stuff that's regressive in its nature, what it does is it basically goes against all the known laws of culture and awareness that we have ever been subjected to. So our entire lives of reading books, our entire lives of interacting with people on the Internet, interacting with people in real life, experiencing films and experiencing art, experiencing all the different things that people have created, and noticing that it's getting better and better and smarter and smarter all the time. That science is getting more and more aware, more and more cases capable. Technology is exploding at this unbelievable increasing race. Everything is newer, better, faster, smarter, more advanced, more intuitive, more interconnected. Except religion. Yeah, Religion's like, now hit the brakes. We're gonna go back to the time when we're writing shit down on animal skins.

45:30 .260] Yeah. .620] And they're like hanging on to this wild stream of information and digging their heels in the dirt and saying that women shouldn't be allowed to drive. .980] Right. They're essentially, what they're doing is keeping us stuck on this fucking planet and not flying into space on interstellar ships. No, it's true. It's true. .340] Yeah.

45:52 .700] Because it's such a divisive thing and it's based on such idiocy. Most of it. It's not idiocy. It's based on very colorful, beautiful symbols which represent archetypical aspects of the human experience and that you can use to, like, help yourself. Wake up. But the literal interpretation of the motherfucker that's keeping us stuck on the planet. And that's weird when you consider the idea that Graham Hancock talks about, which is the notion of the demiurge or the fact that indeed there is an interdimensional nemesis, that these people are worshiping the Jehovah God who appeared in the Garden of Eden and said to Adam and Eve, don't eat the fruit that makes, you know, the difference between good and evil. Don't become human. That God. That's Satan. That God was trying to keep us stupid and Dumb. It's like a really advanced alien consciousness that's like, let's keep the monkeys as dumb and divided as we possibly can because then we can extract that delicious fear from them that we like to eat. And so if you look at Graham Hancock's version of it, it's kind of scary to think that the direct result of all these various world religions that have at their core this megalomaniacal doom God, they're.

46:58 .890] That they. They're the very things keeping us from being free from the gravity well that we're stuck in. So it is almost as though there were some kind of dark force that's like, keep them trapped on this planet so we can keep eating them. It's our food source. .710] Don't .470] keep them trapped. Keep them trapped. .190] Just live off fear. .390] Yeah, they live off fear.

47:22 .470] They suck fear out of the air with a straw, like a coconut. When you drill a hole in a coconut, they just tap it in. .350] Yeah. .630] Oh, fear. Keep them scared. .950] Oh, have you tried Earth yet? It is so filled with fear. Oh, you should go over to Earth. It's good. They're terrified. Those monkeys are terrified. They don't realize how powerful they are. They never will. That Jehovah has done such a good job over there.

47:47 .390] I have a less supernatural idea. My idea of why it's like us is that it's a communication issue and that the old communication, the old information is still getting fucking bounced around over in the spot where they figured out communication first. And that here we are in 2014. The further we get away, the more, you know, like, look, the west coast is the furthest spot from the east coast, which is where everybody landed. And it's just pretty commonly known that the west coast is more progressive, people are more relaxed. It's like the California lifestyle. Like, people talk about it all the time. Know, it's not just a matter of, you know, like, oh, the beach is here, everything's cool. It's. No, it's. Everybody got as far away from the bullshit as possible. The bullshit was like, my family were Italian and Italian and Irish immigrants. And all those people that. That landed there, they all landed there within decades or, you know, generations.

48:44 .620] Yes. .980] It was all these crazy immigrants that escaped Europe, which is even more fucked up. And, you know, you go further, further, further. You're going to get to Iraq, you're going to get to Sumer, you're going to get to the fucking Epic of Gilgamesh. I mean, that's what you're getting to. It's. It's all mapped out for us. It's all real obvious where everything got popping and everything got started. The people that stayed were assholes. They were assholes with ridiculous ideas. And everybody tried to revise their ideas the further we got away. Like, look, Noah's Ark is essentially the epic of Gilgamesh, right? And there's. And Hercules. You can compare Hercules with Jesus. I mean, there's a lot of these fucking stories that are super similar, right? Yes, there's a lot of them. When you compare the. The actual core origin of like, what was, what was actually said. What, what actually are you saying happened? The virgin gave birth to a God?

49:35 .060] Yes. .460] You're like, okay, all right, just want to be clear. How many of these are there? There's a lot of these are. And you're thinking about people just sitting around campfires after they fucking shot a ram with some homemade catapult and they're eating this meat over the fire, telling these stories for a thousand years before anybody writes anything down. You're dealing with the echoes of savages. That's really what you're dealing with. Literally sitting in front of a fire, eating meat that they cooked on like they, they killed with some fucking flint knife. Their ideas still haunt our modern minds.

50:12 .300] Yeah. That is so cool. .320] So crazy. .200] Echoes of savages. I love it. Yes. What it is, it's a ghost story. It's like everyone's brain is haunted by this ancient ghost story that's still floating around in there. We believe it so much and we're so terrified of abandoning it that even now, some part of me, as I talk about rising beyond religion, some part of me that grew up mildly religious, still, a little part of me is like, oh, you're gonna curse yourself if you talk about Jehovah. Be careful. Be careful. It's still, it's. It'll. It'll get to you, man. It'll get to you. Because for. We're just getting our heads up out of the goddamn water of delusion here. And you know, not all religions, it's important to know that not all religions have got their feet in the mud. They gotta stick up for Buddhism. It does not have its. It's not kicking, digging its heels in.

51:08 .950] Good point. .470] It mutates. It's not about believing in. Not all of. It's got so many different forms, but it's about believing in certain fundamental truths in the universe. .470] It also doesn't seem very greedy. They're never asking you for money. You never see a Buddhist late night televangelist with fucking Robes on a Rolex. .670] Yeah.

51:27 .110] Telling people every time you write a check to me, Buddha become very happy, very happy. Come with the check. All of a sudden he's Italian. I don't know who this guy is. Sounds like Father Guido Sarducci. .000] Yeah, you're right. .600] You know what I mean? I mean, they don't have late night TV shows, they don't have slick back hair and wives with plastic faces. They don't drive Rolls Royces. They're just trying to figure out life. They're just trying to get through.

51:48 .600] Guaranteed. There's still sects of Buddhism that have the same kind of built in guilt principles. .040] Of course. Right. Whenever people get in control of anything. .080] Yeah, yeah. But Buddhism is an example of a religion that it can radically transform your life minus a God. Just by the focused, processed. Not processed, the focused, disciplined assimilation of certain basic principles through meditation, you'll start losing the conception or the idea of where you stop and the universe starts. That's what Buddhism does. It dissolves that membrane between what you think you are and what everything else is through these meditative practices and contemplations. And you really can pop out of your little eye and get into the big eye through Buddhism. And that's pretty badass. But. And I think other forms of Christianity that invite you to lose yourself in love or lose yourself in selflessness or the idea of just like going from a receiver to a transmitter permanently, that's pretty badass too. And that can radically transform your life. And that God that they're talking about, the God of love, is the God that we're in right now. But both of those two things are various ways of losing your little eye and merging into the big eye. And those are two. That's very beautiful. And I don't know enough about Islam to understand all the varying types of it, but I guarantee there's some version of Islam based on the poetry of Rumi and the mystics that also points to this same dissolution of the idea or the concept of the little eye and merging into the big eye.

53:32 .840] And that, that thing, that shift in the human, in human society. If that happened, that's how we could get off the planet. But for that, why do we want .960] to get off the planet? .000] God, look at the fucking universe. It's so beautiful. .560] Awesome. .040] Yeah. .360] I'm fucking missing this here, man. We're going to go somewhere else and get hit by a meteor there.

53:59 .470] Oh, no. Weightlessness, brother. We're just going to experience weightlessness. Think about that, brother. .950] Listen, man, you sound like Manson .310] Listen, brother weight. .310] Listen, man. .110] Weightlessness, you get to experience the. The. You get to. As you get to take. I know I sound out of my. .230] Weightlessness is terrible for your body. You know, you get osteoporosis and shit.

54:21 .350] You know what else is terrible for your body? Wait, wait. Being stuck on a fucking planet. We can't. .590] But your body's designed for this. .110] It's true. But a lot of people say that the reason they say that the majority of our DNA or the information in there now I'm starting to lift from Timothy Leary, it's so badass. But the DNA inside of us is not. The information there hasn't even been, like, barely used yet. Because encoded within it is exactly the same stuff encoded within whatever makes a caterpillar turn into a butterfly. And that right now our brains are based on not being able to fly. Our brains are based on being able to walk north, south, east, and west. But most people, when they're giving directions, they don't talk about altitude. You know, that's not built in the way that we move around. So the idea of how much more our brains would evolve if we removed the planet Earth from the equation and now realize that we exist in an infinite space where there is one day. Where there is just one day happening right now. We think that there's this day that keeps happening over and over again. Just because the goddamn planet goes from a light side to a dark side over and over again. And it gives us incredible illusion, a kind of metronome of time that we think, oh, yeah, there's days.

55:35 .280] And because there's days, there's years. And all these years fold together to create a lifetime when the truth of the matter is there is not a day. There is rather not a bunch of different days. There's just one day or no day. There's no time, there's no space. There's infinite beingness. That's what we're in right now. But because of our current situation on this fucking gravity well, it's given the illusion of days and minutes and seconds. And then our whole lives become a race to fill those days and minutes and seconds and be on places on time and get mad because people aren't there on time. And the whole fucking thing is just a wreck. It's just a wreck. So one reason that it would be nice to fly off of this gravity well, aside from the fact that it'd be fun to float in space, there's. I mean, come on, man. There's so many things that you could

56:19 .750] do it sounds like it's Disneyland, dude. It'd be amazing. You could go, there's this ride. There's that ride. .750] Can you imagine what fucking UFC would look like in zero gravity? .630] Everybody would turn to soup. .390] What do you mean? .110] Bones would break. Everybody's body would dissolve. .630] You're assuming that they haven't. Clearly, in this equation, this ridiculous fantasy I'm having of floating in space, they've developed ways to, like, barely. To generate gravity. Since I'm fantasizing here, I get to say they've developed ways. Fuck it.

56:54 .760] That was true. They do it like a double gravity. That way you come back to Earth, you're strong as fuck. .360] There you go. If you wanted to do that shit, .400] that would be like the new thing that UFC guys would get popped doing. Dude, he was hanging out in double gravity. Oh, that motherfucker. That cheating bitch. Yeah, he's got double strong bones. Yeah, his fucking head got an inch wider.

57:13 .840] Joe, we gotta go into space because it's like. I think it's just built into human beings to want to migrate. We came. .280] We're a virus. .520] Yeah, we are, but what? But, you know, they're finding out now that you can recode viruses to fight cancer. They're finding out now that viruses can actually be transformed into things that are good instead of things that are destructive. And that is my hippie ideology and my naive belief that there is a way that human beings can be recoded through technology and psychedelics and through some uninvented thing that hasn't happened yet that creates a kind of state of technologically enhanced empathy that allows us to transcend these invisible brain boundaries created by the echoes of the savages, as you say. And once that happens, one of the byproducts of that. And by the way, you don't have to leave the planet. And whenever I start yapping about it.

58:10 .320] Thanks, man. Appreciate it. I'll be here if you want to go fishing when you get back. .080] You don't have to leave the planet, but a lot of us would like to experience what that's like, and that's one of the byproducts, but maybe another part of the byproduct of this kind of merging or fusion is you don't give a fuck about going into the universe because you realize you are the universe.

58:30 .040] Yeah, that's where I'm at, bro. .040] Cool. .720] I think space travel is. It sounds awesome. It sounds like a really fun thing. And I bet, perspective wise, getting above the Earth would be magnificent for you. It'd be It'd probably be life changing because a lot of those guys, like Edgar Mitchell astronauts, the Apollo guys, they talked about the experience being like, transcendent. Like, there's something about being above the Earth. And I think if we could get everybody to just fucking fly above the Earth, that's what we really could shift a lot of consciousness if we get everybody to go into, like, near Earth orbit and just see, like, look at this thing that we're on and look at all this silly bullshit we're involved in now. Look at all that. Because that doesn't have a roof that goes on forever. So we're down here tripping out about. This guy believes in that book and that guy believes in this book. It looks so stupid. It's like, you ever been in an argument with like a brother or sister and then your parents come over and what you're arguing about just instantly seems so fucking dumb?

59:34 .800] Yes. .320] Well, they're like, what are you fighting about? She's used my paintbrush. It's not your paintbrush. Like, oh, my God, we're fool. Like, I want to pretend to be, like, older, you know, I want to pretend to be more mature, but I'm still six, you know what I mean? .240] Yes. .720] When you look up and you're looking down at our conflicts, all them of them, every single one of them, and you compare it to infinity, it looks so fucking stupid that we're wasting our time worrying about getting rid of the word bossy. We're wasting our time with stupid shit. We're just constantly distracted by stupid shit.

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1:02:30 .560] That's it, man. That's it. That's the kind of epiphany that the planet needs in mass. And then once that epiphany happens, who knows the end result? But is. And you know, the skeptic and the cynic would be right up until not very long ago to be like, well, that's never gonna fucking happen. .210] See, I don't like those words. I don't like that's never gonna happen. I like that would be difficult but amazing if it could happen.

1:02:56 .690] That's what I think. .410] Because guess what? Everything that we do today never happened before. So that whole it's never gonna happen is horseshit. If you go back to 5,000 fucking years ago and you bring them into a podcast studio, take someone, throw them in a fucking time machine, throw them here in 2014, sit them in that chair and explain to them what the fuck is going on right now, they wouldn't even be able to grab it. There would be nothing about what you were saying. Even if you could speak their language, even if you explain to them conceptually what a computer is, there's no fucking way they would ever be able to imagine that this is real. That you could just imagine download movies on Netflix and watch them.

1:03:40 .220] Yeah, Bam. .340] Flying through the air on WI fi. Like, what the fuck are you saying? That's not even connected to anything. You have a magic box in front of you that's. I'm watching people fuck on it. This is the most insane thing ever. No one ever saw this coming. Okay? Someone ever said it'll never happen. Anything can happen. Almost anything.

1:04:03 .900] Yeah. .840] And eventually anything. .680] Yeah. .040] Because almost anything. We're gonna get some fucking molecular control over this universe on some really deep level. At one point, if technology keeps evolving, it's not gonna be just that we could blow things up. We might be able to build things. We might be able to create fucking universes. We might literally have a universe button that someone invents one day where we. We can walk by the science museum and create your own universe. Do you want to do that? Okay. Press that button. Boom. And we hear it throughout the cosmos because a new universe bubble just got shoved into the.

1:04:38 .800] Have you been making. .680] You know those, those basketballs when you like the buzzer goes off and you're at a carnival and you got to throw basketball and the basketballs are just bouncing around that little pit of basketballs and you're chucking them. That's universes. And every. Every. You press that button, you just made a universe. Debbie. I'm gonna call it Debbie Landia. And we're just gonna have fucking universe universe buttons all over. You can have a universe app on your phone. Fuck it. I feel like creating a couple universes today. People be in competition to see who created more universes while they were at work.

1:05:08 .870] Yeah, man. That's beautiful. Yeah, that, that. .270] This universe brought to you by Yahoo. .990] Oh my God, how awesome. Much better. .990] You know, make your own fucking universe much better. As long as you listen to the five second sponsor. .390] Yeah, see, I love that C, man, what you just said is so beautiful. Because even as ridiculous as it may sou, it still acknowledges and accepts the principle of novelty. And the idea that you don't know what's going to happen. And that idea of not knowing what's going to happen, that is this Buddhist teacher. I'm really into his teacher. This guy Ajahn Chah was this like

1:05:49 .920] forest monk who want to party with that dude. .320] I know. .720] Imagine that. I want to make a movie. Ajahn Chah, the forest monk. .840] I know. He's a guy, he's a. He's a. You know, they're these Buddhist forest monks. They live in the forest. They sit at the edge of open graves and watch bodies decompose so that they can process and understand the fact that we are impermanent, which is something Jack Kornfield did, which is amazing. But yeah, they sit at the end, just watch. For days, you just sit and watch corpses rot. So that you clearly digest the fact that you're going to die because you're made of the same matter. You're not going to make it out of this. So that you understand your attachment to the body is an attachment to a thing that is completely impermanent. And part of the process anyway. One of the things he said is when you go into an experience, go into it not knowing what's going to happen. Go into it understanding that today you don't know what's going to happen. Tune into that frequency, tune into that place of like, you really don't know, man. And all the ways that you think you know and all the experiences that you've had and everything that you use to determine how things are going to be, it's gone.

1:06:59 .270] Devoured by time. It's not there anymore. There's just this one moment right now. And you've been using your construct of how things tend to work out as a protective mechanism because you can't accept the fact that you are infinity experiencing itself as this impermanent moat of meat. And so that moving into those places is so exhilarating. It's so exhilarating. And if we do that as a planet, instead of thinking what everyone fucking thinks or most people think, which is war is inevitable, conflict is inevitable, it'll always be fighting. If you go into that with the idea of like, maybe not, just maybe not, maybe we can really figure out a way to do the pull up, pull us out of the goddamn primordial gory muck of believing invisible symbols that make it okay to kill children. Maybe there's a way to pull that out and end up floating in space or laying in a fucking super utopia where you're psychically merged with the entire universe through technology. Why not?

1:08:01 .370] Well, I think it could be both. I mean, that that can happen. But along the way, I think what has happened is this mad need for conquering that people seem to have, especially men. I mean, we go back in history and what do we know about history? History is essentially military history. Military and technology history and occasionally events. I mean, that's what history is. The printing press was invented. The bomb was invented in the bullet. Well, once the Japanese would not accept the use of guns, they quickly lost in warfare. I mean that the military history of our world is the real history. When we Talk about, you know, nuts it is. When we talk about the Civil War in this country, we talk about when we, you know, fought the British. There's all this. The real history of our world is a history of conflict.

1:08:49 .960] That's fucking crazy. .040] But in conflict, this is what's fucked up. There's innovation. The atom bomb came about because we had a threat. If there was no threat, there would be no atom bomb. I mean, it literally was invented because people were terrified of someone inventing it first, right? So that. I'm not saying that it's a good thing to have nuclear weapons, but what nuclear weapons represent is a human mind set forth with resources to pursue a goal. And what is possible. Well, what is possible is this intense, ultimate nuclear destruction possibility. And human beings created that because of conflict. Not saying that that's a good thing, but I'm saying that involved in this conflict and struggle that people have always had and the desire to conquer and fucking live in a big house with a fat Mercedes and big fucking consume and private. Chad and I want to own an island. And that feeds this machine, that makes technology that feeds this machine that is ultimately advancing us past the barbaric state that feeds this interconnectedness that we all have now on the Internet, right? That all that is because people before us were struggling and figuring things out, trying to communicate.

1:10:07 .280] I gotta send a teletap. I had to send a message to my friend on the West Coast. He could be in trouble. Those people over there can't be trusted. And all this shit was invented in order for people to continue pushing this goal of conquering new lands and new places, new ideas and new fucking markets and, you know, and new natural resources that are being tapped into. And it's all a part of this thing that is advancing us ultimately. So at the same time. At the same time where all this crazy struggle and trauma and all this bullshit's going on, DARPA technology, is being used on the Internet, you know, I mean, didn't they invent it? Didn't they kind of invent the Internet? I mean, darpa, who was the. Who is the inventor of the Internet?

1:10:53 .700] I always forget that tidbit. It's so sad. .940] I should know that something bizarre like, okay, let's pull it up. But my point being, they're making crazy robots, super intelligent robots. You run up to and you can kick them, and they balance themselves out and bounce back up. They're making these robot cheetahs that can run like 60 miles an hour. Have you seen those fucking things?

1:11:12 .020] Yes, I have. Exoskeletons. .500] Yeah, that's like some seriously high level. And it's all being made from military money, right? All that shit's being made to make better weapons. And I mean, isn't it military money essentially? .910] Darpa. .510] Yeah. What does it stand for? .430] DARPA is the Defense Department, man. It's the Department of Defense. I don't know what it's.

1:11:32 .070] What is that? .510] Something advanced. Something. .110] Yeah, but what it is is like when it, I mean, you know, obviously don't want Defense Airborne Reconnaissance Projects office, you obviously don't want them using it on you, but it's pretty awesome stuff. .230] I mean, hell yeah. .190] They're making robots, dude, that run. They're making these like horse things that you kick them and they, they, they, they move like when they balance themselves out.

1:11:59 .020] About the new flying aircraft carrier everyone's talking about that carries drones on its back. Floating drone. That's fucking. Well, that's goddamn Starcraft shit, man. .460] And if you think about it, that's the, that's like the peak of technology when it comes to robotics and, and, and function. Like as far as like we. I don't know about robotics as far as like assembly line stuff. I don't, I don't. I mean, maybe that's like super complicated at this point. But robotics, as far as like things that are on their own, they're just walking around or flying around. Like things that aren't attached to you and you either use remote control or they know what the fuck they're doing.

1:12:34 .860] Yeah, autonomous defense robots, those things. Try going to war with that. That's the equivalent of the airplane, by the way, when you were talking about the invention of the airplane. .430] DARPA wants to build an Avengers like flying aircraft carrier to make drones even more effective. .350] When drones start becoming like big mobs of birds. Like, you know when you see like

1:12:56 .150] birds fly around and they're all in .870] unison and they're like, like when those start being drones attacking, that's when. .870] Dude, that can happen, man. I mean, that's going to be one of the big privacy issues in the next decade. It's going to be drones. People are just going to be able to fly drones over your house, check up on you. Your girlfriend's gonna be like, see what that motherfucker's up to. Him fucking send a drone his way to fly the drone over. So what'd you do, Jay Duncan? Oh, nothing, just wash the car.

1:13:22 .270] And did you notice a tiny mosquito sitting above your computer as you were jerking off to that disgusting gang bang video? .430] It's outside the window because everybody thinks .150] it's a big thing. That, that's the. It's not a big thing, man. The drones that everyone's like, yeah, the drones will be flying over. No, they're not going to be flying over. They're going to be these microscopic little orbs that sort of drift through like a mist, gathering information, gathering biometric data, looking at eye dilation, whatever they want. Your fucking pulse. They could, like, maybe measure your exhalations to see what kind of food you've been eating. Maybe they could even tell how much you've been drinking. But the idea that we're going to have the luxury much longer of looking up and seeing those cute, quaint little flying big drones. No way, man. We're talking tiny little. They must already exist. I mean, it's the most obvious. I know that the. If you go to like in dc, they have like the spy museum and they show, you know, but, you know, little bugs. Bugs. That's why. I guess that's why they called him. Your house is bugged, you know, so. Yeah. Really?

1:14:28 .780] Is that why? .300] I don't know, but it seems like a possibility. I'm gonna say it's real for now. God damn the Internet. Anyone can look that up. In the old days, you. Yeah, that's what it was. Joe, with my vast understanding of the CIA. But the, you know, how are you gonna. How are you gonna scan every ant in your house? How are you gonna scan every moth or every gnat drifting by? Houses are gonna have to have force fields that shut those things down when they fly in, or some kind of way to dismantle or detect drones.

1:15:00 .780] Yeah, there was a. I. I'm trying to remember what the actual story was, but there was a technology they were working on that was essentially going to be like a grain of rice and it's going to have wifi in it, it's going to have a camera, it's going to have a GPS signal, and it's going to be able to transmit video. And it would be the size of a grain of rice, and you could literally scatter them throughout a city and you would have an accurate view of the entire city all the time.

1:15:28 .360] There you go. .880] Like, they would force people to start using certain amount of grains of rice, like type things in all of their house. Like, well, we have a 30 grain house. So, hey, anything the government wants to know, man, I mean, there's 30 grains in my house. There's like one grain in your bathroom, one grain in your living room. So they know where you are at all times. And it's got a wide angle lens. I mean that's a little tiny mosquito one. But this one I'm talking about isn't even a bug. What I'm talking about is actually a grain of rice. I mean they're going to scatter them.

1:15:57 .890] Yeah, like pollen. It's like these DARPA flying, this is like Alex Jones worst nightmare. As the DARPA aircraft carrier flies over and doesn't release little mini drones, it just releases a dust of tiny surveillance technology. These weird pollinators that just sort of float on top of everything, transmit back whatever you want. We'll show you inside of houses, It'll show you what's inside of people. Because some people are going to inhale it and based on like maybe the thing communicates with their phone. So it gets a gps, it gets their identity and now it's inside of the being and it can start saying what they're eating, what their health is. Like, you know, Google's already working on this like an ingestible cancer detecting surveillance technology. It's like people think this surveillance is going to stop with just the outside of us, but, but all these new like health measuring devices, the Fitbit, the Apple watch, the gage biometric.

1:16:55 .840] I know, right? It's crazy. .240] How much of that stuff can you imagine, like dropping that shit on an army and being able to get feedback not just of where the army was, but what they've been eating, what their blood pressure is, what their adrenaline, adrenaline levels are. Like, you know, like you could get a full feedback of like, well, this, these soldiers are mildly terrified right now. Let's see, see if we can up their adrenaline gland production using our nanobots that they inhaled while they were getting ready for the fight. So they all have heart attacks.

1:17:26 .960] There was a story from a long time ago. I believe it was like the nineteen nineteen seventies or nineteen eighties. I forget when it was. But they, I shouldn't even say what the, what the year was because I don't remember, I don't remember what city was. But they wanted to find out what would happen if someone had released some sort of a biological agent on a city. Like if there's some sort of a poison gas or something that got released on a city, like how would it disperse and how far would it go? So they literally blew some material that they could measure on the city, like blew it on all these people, made these fucking people breathe it in. They sprayed it. I mean that's like one of the origins of the Idea of chemtrails is based on the reality that they have done goofy shit like this before.

1:18:11 .530] We torture, tortured some folks. .430] Tortured some folks. .990] Yeah, man, they do it. And of course, it's like the ultimate war weapon would be a way to, like, get infinite data on the thing that you're fighting. I mean, it's the primordial essence of war is knowing what your enemy's doing. That's the most. One of the most important, if not the most important, facet of war. So the idea that you can, like, surveil them without them being aware at all. I mean, that commander who recently was like, you've noticed that the press has gone from now you should be scared of ISIS to kind of now it's turned into looks like ISIS is backing down. But this commander, to make the announcement about the potential death of one of their leaders, said, we hear you. We hear what you're saying to kind of like, you know, imply that we are so. You're being so surveilled that we hear everything you're doing and we know everywhere you're going. And I think that's probably true. And that's got to be a little bit on the terrifying side when you realize that you're being surveilled by a superpower with technology that probably no one on the planet is aware that exists yet.

1:19:25 .470] Yeah, for sure. If you think about what DARPA has shown us that they can do. Who knows what kind of agencies the government has been fucking cooking up these crazy bugs with. Yeah, sure, absolutely. But isn't that ultimately going to work against them as well? Because isn't all technology, especially technology that, you know, is small, like, not talking about things like nuclear weapons and things that are difficult to acquire, but all technology eventually becomes easier to acquire. It starts off being super difficult, and then X amount of years later, everybody's got. So ultimately, everyone's going to be able to spy on everybody at every point in time forever.

1:20:03 .920] Yeah, that's the problem. .360] Is it the problem, or does that keep going in that same direction? And do we accept some sort of a biological symbiosis with technology that enhances it and makes it even better at one point in time? And then do we eventually figure out how to make artificial parts that work better than all the parts of our body? How many people are walking around out there with artificial hips? Graham Hancock has an artificial hip.

1:20:27 .530] Didn't know it. .170] Yeah. Joe Perry has an artificial knee. I mean, we're making robots. They have parts in their bodies that are machine that Someone invented. And you're, you know, it's being powered still by your tissue and your blood, but essentially they've put better parts in than what you had in there. .530] Yeah, man. I mean, it all comes down to, at some point, people have to wake up to the fact that they're not just an I, but they're also a we. At some point, you got to wake up to that fact that you're not just the one little you, you're directly connected to the entire universe. And you're a tiny little pixel of awakeness in this universe, but you are the universe. Eventually, that's got to happen. And privacy, fear, and the terror of being observed or surveilled is a hundred percent based on the notion of the identity. And like one of the last great taboos is the acknowledgement or the realization that in fact, you're not an identity. You're not a single eye. You're a big eye. You're a big eye. And part of this merging technology, and that's what this shit is doing, man. It's not just merging with us, it's merging us with each other. Right. Part of what that's doing is dissolving the boundary between you and me and everyone on the planet right now because this thing's getting transmitted to God knows how many people at this point. I see the awards on your table.

1:21:50 .760] It's getting transmitted to a shit ton of people right now. And that's a form of merging, auditory merging. And obviously, the next step is going to be a merging of consciousness through something that scans brain waves and induces similar emotional states in other people. That's going to happen, man. And that's another form of merging. And then the next step from that is recognizing or figuring out a way to feel what it's like to no longer have a body, yet still have consciousness. And then that's another form of merging. That's what we really are. And somehow your hopeful appraisal of the situation of military technology is that somehow, through this stuff, it's going to usher us or push us over the boundary from being an I to being a we.

1:22:34 .960] Well, maybe that's what never gets taken into consideration by things like the Drake Equation. There is no space travel, because nobody ever bothers. Once you get to a certain point in time, you go, oh, I get it. We can create our own reality. Like, you can get to a point where virtual reality and regular reality, not only are they indistinguishable, but they're interchangeable.

1:22:55 .760] Yeah, you can just experience Everything at once. .480] You can. Your regular life, like whatever you deem your regular life could still exist along with a complete virtual reality of your choosing. You could choose to go back and forth to both places. I mean, the idea that you have one or the other, like. No, we could still keep fucking and going into virtual realities that are where you're living an avatar.

1:23:19 .900] Yeah. .380] Flying around in a fucking dragon. And it's just as real as this life. .500] Yeah. .300] It's gonna take some time. .500] It is this life. I mean, that's the thing. It is this life. Based on the notion of that we are one consciousness. Experiencing these. We always end up talking about this. Right. But God damn it, that is it. Like, we're snorkeling right now. We're snorkeling through a techno. I think Terence McKenna compared this to a technological reef or something. It's an incredible essay. I don't know where it came from, but it's like technology's extruding from time and space and we're beings that live that are like fish swimming through this technological reef.

1:23:55 .660] Well, he had this awesome idea of the attractor. You know, McKenna had this idea that we were being pulled towards some ultimate attractor. .780] Yeah. You know, and strange attractor at the end of time. .580] Yeah. And that our innovation and novelty and all these different historical events, everything was leading towards this attractor, which is such a bizarre way to look at things, but so unique. Like, you. You hear that and you go, ooh. Like there's a thing that wants us to build it.

1:24:22 .370] Yeah. .850] It's pulling us through time, you know, but it could also just be. We want to survive. And in order to survive, you compete. In order to compete, you have to innovate. You have to worry about your enemies. You have to keep going so you can get your common to more monkeys and make more monkeys that are like you. Not like them, those fucks. And then you just make it better. Jets and better missiles and better this and better that. And then eventually you figure out, oh, I could just do this. And there's no more war dead. Violence, sadness. Just bliss.

1:24:53 .500] Just bliss, man. .660] Computer maintenance. .700] I pray in my life that I never seriously say, I've got to get my cum into more monkeys. Do you have any more monkeys? Because I got. .860] Well, that's how you accelerate the process. Because if we still lived in Eden and it was just, you know, our friends, there's like 20 of us, would we ever even invent boats? Okay. If we lived in this perfect place and there was fruit everywhere, we have an infinite number of animals to choose to eat. An infinite number of fish.

1:25:26 .190] Yeah. .910] What are we gonna win? There's only 20 of us. What are we gonna invent? What are we gonna do? We're not inventing shit, man. We're gonna have a good time. .030] Yeah. .350] We're gonna sit by the campfire and laugh. We're gonna smoke weed because no one's gonna lock us up in jail for having a plant that makes you happy. We're gonna. We're gonna have no conflict, man. We're gonna have zero. It was just our friends. And we all lived in this unbelievably cool place where there was food everywhere. What would we ever argue about? What would we ever invent? Nothing. And nothing. We would get together. If we had an infinite number of food. It was just us. Us just our friends. We had an infinite number of food, and we were healthy and we were in a place together. We would just be laughing. That's what we would do. We would never get anything done. We wouldn't worry about Ari. Ari's fucking and acting kind of weird, man.

1:26:09 .530] Did you hear I'm already trying to .730] take over the kingdom? .850] No, you'd be like, did you see Ari rape that penguin? .250] You know, hey, man, I'm starting to worry about Diaz. He might be forming a new political party. We wouldn't have a. .370] Well, you know, Diaz has really good points. I think I'm going to join Diaz. .810] I'd like to merge with Diaz and just have one super party. Why around and give them choices. Will be both be co presidents. I've co. Headlined. I'll be. Let's be co president.

1:26:41 .180] Co president. I love that. .660] Well, I'm not the vice president. I'm the feature act. Yeah. I'm just here to. .980] I'm opening up for the president for the first two years of his presidency. .500] I'm here to warm the crowd up, man. .500] That's cool. Well, yeah, I don't know, man. I do think that there's something to be said for turbulence being a kind of. Of like the. You know, it's. It's the. Creates the friction that generates the heat necessary to fuel whatever this strange technological life form is that we're weaving out of nothingness. So in that way, I think it's a great thing. And I think that probably as long as you're on a gravity well and a planet, which we all are, regardless of the resources around you, you're still going to get in fights. There's still going to be turbulence, but

1:27:24 .860] it's because there's too many of us. .210] It's because we think that we are eyes instead of recognizing that we're one organism. That's what it is. .210] No, because Ari keeps eating my fucking fruit, okay? He's lazy. Dude, I went and picked the fruit. He's fucking eating fruit. I don't want his fish. He brings over this fish. Dude, he goes fishing because he likes to go fishing. Nobody wants to fucking pick fruit.

1:27:42 .850] You're right. You're right. .290] Fruits more valuable because it wasn't made with fun. So, you know, people go fishing for fun, man. You can't say fishing and fruit picking is equal. You, man, you had a good time. You. You brought back 10 fish. That must have been a thrill and a half. Yeah, that's not the same. Okay. It's not the same when you're out there chopping wood. You're gonna give me a fish for all this wood that I chop. You. You had a good time making that fish.

1:28:11 .800] Yeah. Squirrely bastard Point fishing is so goddamn fun. Not to clue not. I don't know if you have to leave. It seems like the thing has to end, but I would. .320] No, it doesn't have to leave for a while. I got another. .170] Oh, awesome. .850] Yeah. .170] Oh, I thought. I thought. .410] No, no, I'm doing Adam Corolla show today. I think it's at like 4:30. It's live.

1:28:30 .090] Oh, that's cool. .890] Yeah, it should be fun. .730] Yeah, man. Fishing's a blast. I just went fishing out in the Mobile Bay in Alabama. .930] And what'd you guys fish for? .970] We were fishing for trout, I guess is what's out there right now. But you know, the. We didn't catch anything, man. And it was. We were with this professional fisherman who my dad's friends with and he's like, this time last year at this point we was filled with boats, but because of the climate is different. The. Basically I don't.

1:28:57 .880] Fish are spawning. Is that what's going on? .400] Yes. .800] Spawn in the spring, don't they? .080] Shrimp eggs end up on the marsh grass and get released. And then the fish come out of the deeper ocean to eat the shrimp eggs. The shrimp eggs. And then that's when you have the fishing booms. But it hasn't been happening. And some people are a little. I mean, you know, you want us. Whenever you're fishing, you want to come up with a reason for not catching a fish, you know? But some people are a little nervous because even though after that terrible BP oil spill, there was actually a boom of more fish because they stopped fishing and fish production went up. Or fish. Fish had a chance to fuck and mate without getting ripped out of the ocean by people eating them for a season or something. So there's more fish. But then now it's like, where. Where are they? There was just a ton of fish here at this exact same time last year. It tends to be like that. And so, you know, who knows? Hopefully it's just a weather thing.

1:29:54 .950] Sorry. Could you think of any other animal that we would tolerate catching and killing the way we tolerate people catching and killing fish? Can you think of any other animal we would tolerate? Just got a bunch of machines, like a bunch of trucks, and what we're gonna do is we're gonna attach a net to it. We're just gonna go run through the woods, and this net is gonna slice down trees at the bottom, okay. And everything it captures in the net, we're just gonna eat. We're just gonna. Every now we cut. Instead of dolphins getting caught, we cut a couple joggers. Some fucking hiker asshole got caught in my net.

1:30:31 .110] Jogger in the net. .990] I'm here to catch elk, you stupid fuck. I wasn't looking for you. And you treat people that are so stupid, they get caught in the net the same way they treat dolphins. I mean, by the time they get to him, they hope they're not dead. He got trampled to death. Yeah. The poor bastard, he got caught up in the net right behind an elk who kept kicking him in the head.

1:30:46 .530] Yeah, they'd have a name for the joggers. They'd call them, like, asphalt veal or something. .530] Yeah. Forest meat. .370] Yeah. Like. Yeah. What do they call it in the eating? Fruit bats. In Africa, they call it bush meat. .210] Oh, that's what they call, like, anything. They call that monkeys, they call bush meat. .810] Bush meat. The least appealing name for anything. But. Yeah. Yeah, that's it is. There is a part of you when you're fishing that has to acknowledge the kind of sadism that's happening there because you're using a device from the Hellraiser movies to lure a thing in.

1:31:24 .760] It's ridiculous. .600] It's ridiculous. But you know and I know that ultimately we should have compassion for all beings and wish them all a life free of violence. But fish do eat other fish, of course. .920] Well, that's my argument about bears. Whenever anybody wants to say bears are cute, I'm like, have you ever seen one in the real life? A, in the real world? And B, do you know they eat babies? Yeah, they eat their own babies. All of them? Yeah, they just eat. They eat each other. If one of them dies, they just start eating it. They don't wait a while. Is there a reason they come back? No. They start eating.

1:32:01 .530] But don't they eat the babies because it's like there's not enough food for all the babies. And it makes more sense to eat your young than to waste resources where everyone starves. I thought that's why they cannibalize. .250] No, the males eat just because they like to eat babies and they like to stop the babies from breeding. Of course, they don't know what they're. They don't not. They don't know what the real motivation is. There's a lot of guesses because they can't ask the bears, obviously. But they are pretty, pretty sure that there's a bunch of factors. One, sometimes the males will kill the bears, the cubs, because they're hungry, sometimes the male, and they're easy to kill. They could just go and grab them and eat them. So they might do it because of that. They might do it sometimes because they want to bring the female back to estrus so she'll want to fuck and she'll want to have more babies so they can come because otherwise she doesn't want to let the bear fuck her. She's got her babies around.

1:32:55 .100] That is the darkest. Yeah, darkest way. .060] Dolphins do that. Dolphins do the same thing. It's one of the reasons why female dolphins are so promiscuous. Apparently. They studied dolphins. They found out that female dolphins will have sex with as many males as they can. So that way when they have babies, nobody knows whose baby's who, so they leave her alone. But if she has babies and they're babies and you know that you never fucked her, they just kill the babies.

1:33:19 .180] God. .740] Jesus. .380] Damn, man. And that's dolphins. They're the sweetest things ever. .770] They're always smiling. .770] Not always. They smile when they're killing babies they're fucking. You know, they. They did. It doesn't. I mean, it doesn't happen every day. It doesn't happen all over the dolphin world, but it's been observed. .850] Hey, Roger, why are you smiling like that?

1:33:36 .930] It's not like bears, though. Bears, it's a hundred percent like the males come out. It's the. Steve Rinnell was explaining this to me and he knows a lot about bears. And when I was in that bear hunting camp, they had seen a bear kill a cub and then it was eating it. And then the mother came back and finished the cub off. And finished and ate the rest of it. Like, it is such a hard scrabble world that you can't even imagine the reality of being a bear.

1:34:05 .310] I gotta. On that note, I gotta go take a leak. Don't take a week. That's so sad. .670] I know. It is sad. It's fucked up. But being a fish. Fish don't even get the fuck. Fish have the same problems. Other fish eat them, but they don't even get the. In fact, like, there's certain fish where you buy lures that are the baby fish. There's like. Like. Like you could buy, like, baby. Like a little Rapala that's like a baby trout. And trouts will eat it. Cunts.

1:34:35 .350] Find out who that musician was that you asked earlier. .830] What's his name? .430] Pat Regan. .470] That's who he is. .110] Yep. .510] Patty Regan on Twitter. .360] Yeah, that dude is awesome. I don't want to say anymore. I don't want to give anybody. Give the premise or give the. The hilarity of his song, but we were clapping hard. That was so good.

1:34:55 .960] Yeah, it's really. Me and Tony had him on kill. Tony. It's really interesting because a lot of musicians who are comics aren't really good musicians. They just know how to play a little bit of guitar enough to make it work. But he's actually really good musician on top of it. .750] Yeah, no doubt. Like, he could do, like, love songs and it'll be awesome, you know. Well, not to me, it wouldn't be awesome to me, they'd be awesome to you. You like a love song every now and then.

1:35:18 .270] That's right. .790] In the arms of the angels. That's really rude that they do that. Like we were talking about earlier on those. Those Humane Society videos. That's that with your head, man. .470] Totally. .270] By the way, the new Grand Theft Auto came out. .750] I saw you tweeting about it, you savage. .670] And there's peyote in it now where if you take.

1:35:38 .230] If you. .750] If you take. Take. If you take a peyote thing, you turn into a chicken. .940] Well, don't play it well. .220] We could play it on this right here. .580] Oh, okay. Okay, okay. Yeah. So you take it. Yeah, you can play it like that. Yeah, you could do that. Window. In a window. Oh, but I'm looking at that one. It's the same thing. I know. We got to put it up that way. It'll take over that.

1:35:59 .660] Well, anyways. .300] It will. .740] You can watch this. But. .580] Yeah, you. .260] You just turn. .140] He just a peyote and he just turned into a chicken. On it. .170] That peyote doesn't turn into a chicken, though. I know. Why don't they just call it something different? Oh, wow. This is badass. .490] Wait, this is a video game. .570] We probably won't get pulled for a video game. Yeah. You're not playing this, are you? Don't play this.

1:36:19 .370] No, this is a video game. .570] You won't get pulled for a video. You don't. I don't know that. Do you know that Brian's pull that? I thought you weren't playing it. I thought only we were watching it. .850] Yeah, but it's not full screen, and .970] it's just a video game. We're getting pulled so many times. If you, like, somebody doesn't want you playing their video on another video because then you won't go to see their video. That's the idea behind it, that you're taking hits from them. It's like, pretty much anytime you play a YouTube video or any sort of nature video or any sort of video that anybody has a copyright on, you can get pulled.

1:36:49 .420] Yikes. .540] This is one. .340] I don't know what fair use is, man. Fair use is very fucking. You know, like, when you talk about fair use, like, you could play some things if you're doing commentary over them. That's fair use or. .280] I don't know. I don't understand it. Better to avoid it. Yeah, B, man. .320] Anyway, whatever. That. That looks awesome. I don't have time for that, though, dude. I can't play Grand Theft Auto.

1:37:11 .960] Oh, God. I. I just bought Dragon Age Inquisition last night. It's over, dude. It feels like I'm on fire right now, just knowing that's back in my ass. It's so good. It's so cool. .640] I was doing the UFC this weekend, and they had the ad for some new video game. I think it's called Far Cry. .520] Yeah, Far Cry is Far Cry 4 .520] or something like that. But they were playing, like, in game footage of it while I'm like, this is insane. This is insane. I can't believe this is real. It's amazing that kids get anything done. It's fucking amazing that kids today get anything done. Because I had a hard time with Quake 1, you know, think about the graphics in Quake 1 and think about what the fuck we're looking at today with this Far Cry game and these UFC games, man. Sometimes I watch the, like, the preview, why they. When they step forward to start to fight, and for a full second, I don't realize it's a game.

1:38:11 .160] Yeah, yeah. .600] Oh, it's a Game like, like I see them move and like it take. I have to recognize. Like wow. .880] This. .040] They look too perfect. It's too. This is too uniform in color. There's some weird shit. Oh, there's a video game. But it takes like a full second before I realize that I'm watching a goddamn game. So this is it? Yeah, this is it. So we're watching it and they can't see it. Right?

1:38:32 .470] Right. Okay. .510] Dude. And what if people want to Google this? What is it? .470] It's on Kotaku.com and it's. .150] So he turns into a chicken. .230] Yeah, he just ate some peyote. .800] Franklin is a damn chicken. .960] How do kids get anything done? You take peyote, you become a chicken or you know, you pay attention to some stupid boring ass fucking homework that you will hopefully never use in your life.

1:39:05 .360] Is this. This is the real one. They. .240] The new for the Xbox One and PS4 came out last night at midnight and they added a bunch of cats, new drugs. You could also turn into birds and go like fly around the city and poop on people when you do drugs. But a lot of drug stuff and cat stuff. .490] That's pretty cool. That's pretty badass, you know. Did I show you the Alien game I have on my DK2 or the Oculus Rift?

1:39:31 .090] Alien scared. I didn't want to try it. .210] Have you heard of that? .410] I've heard it gives people fucking heart attacks. .370] The Alien game. .210] Yeah. That's what I've heard. I've heard. I've heard people say literally, I gotta stop saying literally. Literally. I literally have to stop saying literally. I have to stop saying don't stop it. It for whatever reason it gets close to heart attack level with some people.

1:39:50 .380] Yeah. .740] Like there's people that are doing it that are. They're worrying like, well, this might actually cause a heart attack. .900] Yeah. It's. Everybody who's put it on a mile screams when. When the thing gets you. It's so good. And that's just the rudimentary technology. That's. .540] If you could feel it, ah. .840] Feel that tail fucking piercing your neck. Or the.

1:40:11 .560] Or if you have some sort of suit, you're wearing some suit and it likes. Puts pressure on you in the areas where the thing's supposed to bite you. Like when it comes out and grabs you. Like you feel hands on your shoulders. .720] Ah. .120] Do you know how what a freak out that would be if it. When it gets you, it pops up and just grabs your shoulders and you're wearing this suit and in this suit there's like fingers press buttons on the shoulders and it pushes down on you and you feel it as this thing is in front of you. This crazy tongue comes out right before it brains you. You feel the hands on your shoulders.

1:40:45 .010] I bet this suit comes with like a special place where you could hang your diaper inside of it because people are just naturally evacuate their mouth. .850] They probably warn you to give yourself an enema before you play with it. .010] Yeah, you will yourself. You're gonna yourself 80, 80% chance you'll shit yourself. .020] It's probably like a, like a thick wetsuit, like a armor plated wetsuit and you zip it all the way up to the top and everything that happens you in the game, you feel it in your body.

1:41:10 .380] Man. I'm looking forward to the new. People have been speculating about having these VR goggles on airplanes so that when you put them on you can see the outside of the plane. Like it's the inside of the plane, you know? Yeah. And also they're talking about using kind of projector technology in planes that projects the outside of the. .690] Oh, I've seen that. I saw the images of that. They don't have a working plane right now. Right?

1:41:38 .130] Yeah, but it makes sense. It's actually, I mean I'm going to say this is a stupid thing for me to say because like the most technologically advanced thing that I've done recently is figured out that I could put marijuana drops into my smoothies. I realized that like I always like you know, railing against people, but I'm not doing. I'm playing Dragon Age and like drinking marijuana smoothies. But that being said, it seems easy to project the outside of a plane onto the inside of a plane. Based on what you could even buy it like Brookstone, they have those projectors. Yeah, that would be so fun.

1:42:13 .770] Yeah, that's what it looks like. We're looking at a picture of it right now and it's the inside of the plane. The roof and the two sides are all like a giant screen and so it looks like totally seamless. Like you could see the sky and it. They have cameras apparently on the top of these things that project everything that's actually out there. So if a plane was beside you, you would be able to see the plane in hd. You know, that would be the best way to fuck with people. You hijack that thing and you like if you got hackers on board, they hack that fucking thing and they show UFOs everywhere and everybody starts freaking out like, oh my God, there's 20 flying. So are you not seeing this? Land this fucking plane now. Oh my God. You don't see them and Everybody's freaking out. 200 people are screaming, land the plane.

1:43:01 .100] A dinosaurs neck. Dinosaurs neck. Something that big? Yeah, man T. Rex. Or you know, it doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be the what you're flying through either. It could be like a. They can project space out there so you feel like you're flying through space in the plane. .790] Right? You could have like an Avatar plane where you're flying through like the Avatar dimension. You're seeing the fucking dragons around you as you're flying. Like James Cameron can have his own airlines and you can have the full Avatar flight experience. Can you imagine how fucking cool that would be?

1:43:34 .150] So cool. .670] It's like a ride all the way to like New York is five and a half hours of Avatar monsters flying around the plane. .070] So badass. So badass. .240] You look down, you'd see the forest. Everywhere you look down, it's programmed. You see like those Na' Vi running around, jumping, swinging from ropes and shit, shooting arrows. .040] You could add a game component, man, you could, you could like be shooting them with like machine guns or lasers.

1:43:58 .960] Yeah, you're in the world, immersed in the world. Everybody in every seat has their own avatar and they're flying through this. And you just look up and you know where you are. It's just an infinite screen above you. A roof. Fuck a roof. No, the whole thing's a screen. .330] Yeah. .610] You know, why do you only have screens here and here and a little bit here? No, the whole thing's a screen.

1:44:18 .050] Well, because that, you know, that. What are they called? The people who make you put your phone. Someone's gonna ruin it. Like guaranteed. Like one of the safety people be like, there's no way we're projecting on that thing. These are fart tubes that make people want to kill themselves. .890] You know what would happen? Someone would tap it into it and it would be five hours of gay porn. Five hours from LA to New York. Like, no, everywhere he looks like, oh yeah, sailor. Just dicks and mouths and hairy dudes covered in C. And just dudes with those, those ear holes. You know those ear holes those guys get those big plugs in their ear, all stretched out, feet up in the air, hairy legs, getting butt by another dude. And that's all you see for five hours.

1:45:04 .080] Or even worse. .080] Dicks and cum and dicks. .780] Or even worse. The Big Bang Theory. They just show the Big Bang Theory for the whole Time. .100] Did you see LG actually made a commercial where they, they. They pranked a bunch of people with this, like, realistic window in the background. And then they had, like, just like a meteorite coming from the ground.

1:45:24 .860] Oh, that's awesome. .260] Can we play that? .140] Yeah. I mean, it was a commercial, so. .540] But. Oh, my God. .060] And these are, like, real. So fucking cool. Yeah, that's badass. .080] Oh, that's wild. .080] Wow. .040] Oh, my God. Whoa. .600] And they had. .200] Yeah, they had to shut the lights. Yeah, they turned off the lights. My pants.

1:45:46 .800] That's so cool. When did that happen? .280] I think it was like a year and a half ago. But LG ended up pulling it because it got so much bad attention from it. .800] Well, didn't the people all have to sign releases? Psych. .640] We got you. .200] That's a tv. Look, look. It's an LG tv. You man. .960] Jesus. .520] They're lucky. Nobody hit anybody.

1:46:04 .840] Christ. I want one of those. I want to see mad. .520] One guy got mad. Do you think he got mad for real? I bet he did. .400] Yeah. .640] Until they gave him a check. .840] Yeah. And then he had to sign a release, right? Yep. Wow. .080] Ah, yeah. It's so cool, man, how that's what we're talking about. .760] It's exactly what we're talking about.

1:46:20 .920] Yeah. We're talking about how the universe, our subjective experience of the universe, is about to shift so radically in so many different ways because of. What's that new Google thing they're being so secretive about, the thing where you can see an elephant in your hand that they're not talking about, you know, Google hologram. .730] Look it up.

1:46:38 .290] It's called. I keep forgetting it's called magic something or. But it's. It's basically like some. It's an augmented reality that creates. Apparently they're being so secretive about it, people can only speculate based on the pattern buttons that they've taken out. And I think there's a few images that might have been released, but it's some form of augmented reality where. I don't know if it's coming off of your phone. I don't know if it's coming off of a projector or what. It's coming. Yeah. Magic leap. Look at that. Raised half of that. See that elephant in your hand? Yeah.

1:47:12 .120] You're gonna be able to see holograms, like lifelike looking holograms in real time. .480] Yes. And I've heard. I've heard. I know someone who supposedly saw it and they just said it was the most incredible thing they'd ever seen. Their Life and the people who've seen it are all like, no, you don't understand. .450] Oh my God. .090] This is a game changer.

1:47:30 .210] So you're gonna watch people fuck in your house. That's what it's gonna be. On your, on your bed. You're gonna be watching like little mini people fuck like you're the king. Like, you're like Gulliver's Travels. You, like, landed on some beach and it's filled with hot people and they're fucking, but they're only like three inches tall. .010] Crazy. It's crazy. You're gonna be able to jerk off and have your own head projected onto the top of your cock. So when you come, you like vomit, jizz the dream.

1:47:57 .260] Do you think they'll get to a point where when you come on the characters, the characters recognize you coming on them? .460] Yes, I would, I'd program, I program that into the game. Like how? Because you know the new game, if you play, you don't play games, you're. You're too busy. But there's a game, Shadow of Mordor, which is this super fun game that has a thing called the Nemesis System, which is that if a. Look at this.

1:48:20 .890] Wow. Oh my God. It leaves shadows. .690] Yeah, it's a little elephant that, that flies around your hand. I'd pay half a million dollars just for that. .730] What is this though that we're seeing? Is this a real demonstration of it or is this a artistic representation? .170] It's the website of it. .410] That's just their website, but that's what it does.

1:48:37 .370] But do you think that that looks. It's time to bring magic back into the world. Oh my God. .200] Technology can be awesome. Sometimes the best thing, mind bogglingly awesome. Sometimes the best thing in life come from the most unexpected places. Most of us know what a world of dragons and unicorns and elves and fairies is just a better world. That is why we're summoning the Antichrist to reign forever on this planet.

1:49:01 .320] Wait, back that up to what they actually said though. .730] What? .970] But right before that. Just say it. Go ahead. .250] Most of us know that a world with dragons and unicorns, elves and fairies is just a better world. .810] That's such a crazy thing to say. .530] This is why we are using black magic to summon demons into this dimension. .930] What would happen if we use technology to bring magic back into the world? Like, they're showing a kid, a couple kids sitting around a table in class and it looks like the number horses are flying around in space above the.

1:49:30 .910] And they're not wearing glasses. Or anything. So this must be some kind of like. .150] It's a projection technology. .630] Yeah, some. But, I mean, where is it coming out of? This is what's weird. I mean, I want to know if these are real images we're seeing now. They're fucking with us now. .830] This is just like. These are just Photoshops. .150] Imagine, dude, ballerinas dancing on a little girl's bed.

1:49:49 .230] Ballerina. Ballerinas. Give me Star Trek. .710] Go back up to that. Look at that. Yeah, that's that little girl's face. Like, could you imagine watching a little tiny man dance with swords in front of you doing, like, some crazy, ancient Alibaba Persian dance? .080] So cool. .720] He's like, 4 inches tall. .200] It would be cool if they could give them a touch of some kind at least. Like. Like, if it's in your hand, you could kind of feel it using maybe moisture.

1:50:17 .800] They could do it. Haptic technology. By using, like, air blasts, you can simulate stuff, but that's. .170] Yeah, but you have to have a fan to do that. I think it's gonna get to a point where they can actually, like, put something in your mind that makes you respond to the program so you feel sensory input that doesn't really exist. .170] Yeah.

1:50:35 .610] That way you can know what it looks like to get attacked by wolves. .210] Wizards. .810] That's what you think. .850] They're hiring wizards. .010] You put on this, you put on the suit, and you. You have a virtual reality scenario where you're attacked by wolves, and you can literally figure out of them tearing you apart. Then you take off the suit and you're fine.

1:50:51 .490] How about a feeling to take a nap inside a vagina? .410] What if you take a nap inside a vagina, but then she enjoys it and she clamps down, you can't breathe, and you have no way of telling her that she's crushing you. She's really enjoying it. So she kegels you in there like, oh, yeah, Duncan. And you're like. You know, she's like, are you sure that when you get in there, you're not going to. You're going to be safe? Oh, baby, your vagina is so soft and amazing and welcoming. When I get in there, it's gonna be like magic. I'm gonna just. Okay, you let me know. Okay. Just, like, put your legs in first. We don't have a problem. We have no problem. Trust me. I'm in. I'm in. I'm good. I'm gonna go all the way in, so. I love you, honey. I'm gonna try to make you come and you climb inside of her pussy and it feels too good and she just.

1:51:36 .500] Yeah. The last thing you see is like what appears to be a skeletal hand because she's done this many times before. .620] And it looks like a hippo, like a hippo mouth closing down on you. That's what it's like slammed just a wall of the roof of her mouth, like a giant meat press coming down on your body. .230] That is fucked, man. .630] The mouth of the vagina just closes down.

1:52:05 .550] You're like choking on saline on all the fluids in there. You're just sort of like in this .990] mucus Y all those baby pushing muscles just smush your bones. .390] Yeah. .870] You feel the pressure of her pussy just ripping your shoulders off their sockets. .950] Why does it have to kill you? Maybe it like sucks you through a tunnel and shoots you into a surprise party.

1:52:28 .030] Because I think women have been getting the short end of the stick for too long and it's about time they start killing us with their pussies. I'm just trying to look at it from their point of view, black widow style. .840] You know, it is weird. What you just described was birth in reverse. Yeah, maybe you, maybe you. Maybe the stuff they say about how we all experience trauma from being squeezed out of a pussy when we're babies and don't have any muscles at all and can't do anything is like, still there's like residual trauma inside of us. A lot of people say that's like one of the root problems or the roots of a lot of bad trips is that we still haven't gotten over that suffocating moment of falling out of a floating ball of water where we had all the food we wanted and then squeezed through a tunnel that is so strong it mashes our head out of shape. That that's a trauma and it's still encoded inside of people.

1:53:27 .410] It's very possible you're a baby, but you don't have a language. But you're a human being. You don't have a big brain. You have a little tiny ass brain, but that brain is still taking in signals. You still know where your mama is. You still feel good. You're getting that nipple in your mouth like you're getting a little tiny baby has. There's a lot of information that's going in and we just assume they forget all the fucked up shit. Like the being born into the world in the cold hands of a doctor as he picks you up and is fucking gonna light on his head.

1:53:55 .060] Just this big giant, like a gray alien. He's wearing the oxygen mask. This is what the alien abductions are. Some people say, you know, wasn't it a big fat rebirthing ceremonies or something where like you would get. You would like they would do something where you would get to be born. You'd get another chance to overcome the PTSD that comes from being squeezed out of a pussy into this dimension. I don't know, man. I don't know. It's interesting. I don't know if it gets stuck in your head, but I don't know.

1:54:24 .860] Either could, but it seems like a very likely scenario. I mean, the brain's functional and it's the most traumatic experience ever. And you don't have any context, you don't have any language, you don't have any knowledge of why you're there. No one's explained what's going to happen. All of a sudden you're born. That's got to be unbelievably traumatic.

1:54:46 .620] You've been hearing this. .860] Then on top of the. That add circumcision. How about that? Slice your dick with a razor. .900] Yeah. Welcome home. .700] What, you cut his dick? What? .900] Welcome to earth. .700] We're just going to keep it clean. What about soap? Anybody ever, everbody ever talk to you about soap to cut his dick? Kids screaming, dicks on fire. Screaming just came out of a pussy. Dicks. I don't know actually. How long do they wait for? They circumcise. They probably don't do it right away. Yeah, they definitely stick you with needles right away. They vaccinate you like instantly. We're worried about the seas. Bang. Fucking shove needles right into that baby's body. Start pumping chemicals.

1:55:30 .950] Would you ever do a home birth? .790] Fuck no. What am I living in a cave? What am I on a fucking farm somewhere in a Clint Eastwood movie about the 1800s. Fuck out of here. Get the water bucket, Sally. I don't think she's gonna make it. Try your hardest. .590] Get a water bucket. That's always in every movie, every western birth movie. It's like they act if you get the water bucket there in time, the baby will survive. Get the water bucket.

1:55:57 .950] Fix me a bucket of water. .110] Yeah, get a bucket of water, some .030] cloth, some clean cloths and some water. .910] What is that? What is the bucket of water, dude? .310] Like the baby's turned around. I'm gonna have to go in there. He goes in with his farmer hands and ruins your wife's. Just shoves his gigantic gorilla like farmer hands into that and spins it around. He's the only guy knows how to do it. Because he's done it with calves. We got a breach cab. Alrighty. Rolls his sleeve up to his elbow and just lubes the whole thing just launches it in there and spins around your kid fingernails.

1:56:30 .760] Just think what was under fingernails of a country. .480] Just gopher monkey. .720] He probably wipes his ass with his fingernails. .120] Probably. He's got nothing better. He probably invented toilet paper yet he .520] just took a giant farmer doctor crap in your. In your. In your outhouse and he's gonna. Reaching into your wife's and pulling out a half strangled, emaciated, malnourished baby.

1:56:58 .600] And then he's gonna smack it to make it cry. .090] Yeah. .810] And the poor thing is just like, what happened? .290] Why? .690] What happened? .490] Why? What did I do? What if. .610] That is like the ultimate argument one day for a new type of birth. What if they figure out that. What if they go, look, we've found something out about the human psyche. And although we were all created a certain way and we can't avoid it, we found that there's considerable trauma and a less likely chance of enlightenment when you come out through a pussy. And that really, the best way to do it is we. We do it nice and slow and we are going to send you information to your baby in a form of like a nanobot that delivers video that's gonna get your baby used to how it's gonna be born, and it's gonna slowly be. There's gonna be an opening in the top of the roof and then some loving hands are gonna come in. They're gonna take you to your mother, who will then be stitched up.

1:57:52 .820] Up. .300] Yes. .820] Until they figure out one day they're gonna figure out how to dissolve skin and then reapply it. .540] Right? Yeah. .660] There's not gonna be stitches. .780] It kind of teleports out and it floats. Beam of light, beautiful music on a nice soft pillow. .660] Vanilla scented candles. .060] Oh, how nice. .340] Like. Like. Like calming Indian music.

1:58:11 .300] Enya. .020] Yeah. No, no, no saying no singing. Kid's not ready for that. Kid. .660] Just like guitar. .780] Yeah. Something sweet. Something like, not aggressive at all. .290] And then they cut off the tip of its. No, because they got it nice and calm. .290] You don't get it, Duncan. You're never gonna get it if you don't get it now. You're never gonna get it.

1:58:32 .170] Get it if you don't get it now. .730] Could you imagine if they did that, though? If they brought the kid into the world in this, like, feeling of soothing enlightenment, which is a minor dose of mdma, Just the tiniest dose of MDMA while in the womb. So that as the kid's being born, it has no inhibitions as the kids being. I mean, they have little tiny bodies. It could be like the fucking, like a pinhead of mdma.

1:58:52 .500] Yeah. .860] But they find out that not only does MDMA when given to babies in the womb, make for a better birth for everybody, but they all become super geniuses. All those babies become the kindest, most enlightened. They have no emotional problems. They have zero issues. It's a jump start to enlightenment. Just give your baby a little extra seat.

1:59:11 .460] I love it. .980] She probably already tripped. .370] Yeah, I think you're. I think babies are probably tripping. I'd say, doctor. .010] I wonder what they're tripping on, though. They're definitely not tripping on mdma. .650] They have no form that this is studied. They. They don't know they're separate from their mother at first. They don't understand that there's a separation. They don't. The whole idea of separation is something that comes later down the line. The idea that this is me and that's you is something that comes later down the line. And that. I mean, God, if you've ever taken a. A nice dose of lsd, the moment that goes away, that separation goes away. If you've ever had that on any psychedelic, that surprising moment where you're like, holy, I'm everything, you just emerge pure. They call it expansiveness, the clear mind that is the most ultimate, that is as great as it can get. That's pure freedom.

2:00:02 .390] It's a pretty intense experience, that's for sure. And it's experience that probably 80% of the people never have. .880] Right. .360] At least. Probably more. Probably more than 80. .400] Yeah. .440] It's one of the real problems with the world. One of the real problems of the world is even like, super intelligent people. I read a lot of different people's stuff online, people that I don't agree with at all. Super left people, super right people. I read a lot of people's stuff and one of the things that. I'm always shocked at how angry and shitty a lot of really smart people can be about fairly controversial or debatable issues, but they can be really angry and shitty and insulting. And I know they're smart. So I'm reading this and I'm like, this just screams a lack of psychedelic perspective. They're like, not everybody has a psychedelic perspective 24 7. But usually even if you have like a moment when you're in your car, like, we were joking about that the last time we Were driving.

2:00:57 .310] I know you were. .790] The last time we were driving together, you were driving and you're like this fucking asshole, get the. Out of my way. And then you started laughing. You're like, listen to me, man. I'm always talking about peace and enlightenment, telling this old lane of Buick to go herself, but we were joking and laughing around while we were doing it.

2:01:15 .700] But it's still. Look, man, I mean, that's just natural. I mean, it still comes out. I was able to catch it with you. That's what mindfulness is, the training so that you can catch it. At least after it happens. You feel like, oh, there I did it in that pattern again. But I know what you. I know what you mean, man. It's a. Some people haven't quite realized yet that they don't have to be like that.

2:01:37 .710] Right? .350] And I know. I've seen these fucking Twitter fights between people that are supposedly super intelligent and somehow they devolve into, like, 10th graders. .950] Incredible, right? .790] It's incredibly embarrassing. .990] Well, it's a social retardation is what it is. It's part of it. And by social retardation, I mean. I mean the most advanced social interaction that I ever get out of my life is when I get high with my friends. Whether I get high with them, whether it's mushrooms or. I mean, there's regular. There's all sorts of wonderful, deep interactions you could have sober or not sober. But when you trip with somebody, there's some intense bond of humanity that happens when you trip with them or when it's over and you're laughing and it's like, oh, boy. Like, the social bond that's constructed through those moments is pretty fucking remarkable, man. And if you never experienced that, I kind of feel bad. I kind of feel bad because we all go through great moments in life. It's not like a defining thing where you have to have it or you won't be complete. But it is some next level shit. Yeah, it really, truly is some next level shit. And it's some shit that. That a good 80% of the people are just not going to experience.

2:02:52 .120] I like to think that 100% of the people experience it because I think it's what happens when you die. And I like to believe that the death experience is one of complete merging and that. That, like, wow, wow, wow. The Steve Jobs. Like, wow. .200] You know who I'd love to get high? .800] Who? .360] Richard Dawkins. .280] That's everyone's dream, man.

2:03:14 .120] That guy is so fucking smart, but so hostile with so little time. Left. .860] He's pissed. .580] He's always pissed. He was getting mad at these women who were mad at the scientist for wearing the shirt with the sexy ladies on it. And you know, he was like saying, like, that's not real feminism. The real feminists aren't. Wouldn't be mad at some ridiculous shirt.

2:03:38 .980] Isn't that funny though, Joe? That thing like. Here we have one of the great moments in human history, and as part of a byproduct of landing a probe on a goddamn comet, and already they're reporting that they found organic matter on this comet, indicating that the entire universe is being pollinated by these drifting mountains that have within them precursors to life as part of a byproduct. One of the people who. One of the magicians, as far as I'm concerned, that's a magician engaged in a ritual, a sorcerer that summoned this being out of dust, like, made the metal and put the wires in just the right way so that it could get in perfect orbit around a comet

2:04:27 .110] going 400 miles an hour with harpoons .550] that didn't work, but it had fucking harpoons that could shoot into the thing. One of these sorcerers, the robe he was wearing happened to have women on it. And as a byproduct, instead of feminists and people who aren't feminists and atheists and theists all being like, you, sir, .820] are a bad motherfucker.

2:04:49 .340] You got a P.O. box? Because I want to send you some cigars or cakes or anything you want. You deserve to get showered with all of those. Scientists should just be getting massages for weeks. They should be getting whatever they want. They should. Paparazzi should be following them out and snapping pictures of them for what they did. But no, we're still stuck at this stupid frequency where a lot of us were like, can you fucking believe he would wear that tasteless shirt? Oh, you don't even understand. He could wear whatever he wants. He's a scientist. But he's fighting. Instead of everyone being like, we did it. We worked together. We got a thing to land on a comet. Let's see what else we can do.

2:05:28 .430] But you know what's my favorite part of it? Watching men criticize the shirt. Doing it so, purely for female brownie points, doing it so clearly. I watched a Twitter fight between a guy who claims calls himself a feminist and some woman and the woman who loves pin up girls. And she loves, like that Rock Billy type shit. .230] Yeah. .510] Which is the girl who, by the way, the shirt was invented by a girl or created, put together By a girl. But there's similar patterns. That one that you sent me, the link, which eventually wound up becoming sold out. It's slightly different than his, but someone informed me that they make those shirts by hand. So what could be going on is, like, it's a pattern that you can buy, and then they put it together and they make the shirt. And this girl who's this friend bought the pattern, bought the shirt, you know, bought the cloth. It has these sexy ladies on it. And made her friend a shirt because he loves her, or I assume he loves her. He wore her shirt on tv.

2:06:23 .840] Yeah. .160] And when he was all happy and celebrated. .560] What a sweetheart, man. .040] Well, this is how you know he's a sweetheart. The guy. Instead of going, fuck you, it's my shirt. You guys are crazy. Like, is there some real shit to be worried about? Do you guys not pay attention to the fact that we landed a comment? A girl gave me this shirt, all right? She's my friend. I did it for her. It's equivalent of, like, giving someone a shout out. Okay, relax. Women like these kind of shirts, too, but some people think this, like, you have to take the sex and fun and comedy out of science and that a guy can't have a personality and be a fucking weirdo with a bowling shirt on that has all these sexy women on it.

2:07:00 .200] I don't know who that guy is, but I think he's a hero. And I think he's one of the coolest guys on earth today because not only did he take part in getting that fucking thing to land on a comet, but he had the balls on the day that that thing could not have maybe failed to wear that shirt. That's true. .490] It could have fucking not worked. .130] And they look at that guy and

2:07:20 .130] they're like, is that true, though? Do we know that? Did he wear it the day that the project. .930] That was my understanding. And I don't want to know if it's different. I want to stick to my version of this guy as this hero scientist. I'm fairly certain that that was the celebratory day. And he knew that there's a chance that thing might not land, and he's going to be. He's gonna become the punching bag of everyone. He's like, look, scientists are wearing these fucking retarded shirts, man. How are you gonna land a comet? How are you gonna land a probe on a comet when you're wearing these weird shirts? You know, that guy put. Really put himself out there.

2:07:56 .100] It's true. .660] He's a badass what's his name? .620] That's a good question. .300] We need to find that guy's name. .540] That guy should have Matt something. .980] He should have his own float in the Macy's Day parade. .180] Scient. I'm just gonna Google scientist shirt and I bet that you get it right? .840] Yeah, sure. That's definitely Matt Taylor.

2:08:12 .160] Yeah, that's the first thing. Matt Taylor. Dr. Matt Taylor shirt made me cry too, with rage at his abusers. Feminists freak out over the scientist girly shirt. Comet scientists. Matt Taylor shirt. .360] Comet scientist was awful. .680] Feminists freak out over scientists. This is great. .320] He's a comet scientist. .760] Yeah. Well, here's the thing, man. We pulled up some photos of some guy shirts where, like, guys have, like, they're wearing cowboy hats, they have no shirt on. They're like the same exact kind of images. And, you know, they're shirtless. And if a woman wore that, would you do anything other than laugh? Would you be like, what is this crazy shirt you got on? Who would be offended? Who would See if a woman was on television and she had just landed a fucking comet. Landed a robot on a comet, and it took 12 years to get there. And she's sitting there and she has a. A T shirt on, and it has pictures of guys blowing each other on it. Who would be like, this, this. She thinks she could do that and put that in my face?

2:09:19 .570] No, you would just be like, ah, it's happening. The universe is waking up. We're entering into a better period of human history. .050] Yes. Also, you personally could never be offended by that. You would only think it's funny. .700] I would think it was one of the funniest things I'd ever seen. .180] Well, who. What person wouldn't think it's funny? I get maybe if you were with your kids and your kids, like, daddy, why is that guy sucking on that guy's penis? I didn't want to have to explain

2:09:43 .860] this shit so early, but she's a comet scientist. They wear weird clothes. .380] Comet scientists love gay guys. That's. They're just in the homos. .340] You would just be like, I don't know. I don't know, kid, but they just landed a probe on a giant floating mountain that has precursors to human life on it. How about that, friend? .640] I heard you say homo. That's what I heard. I didn't hear all that other stuff you said. Homo. Homo is derogatory. Who cares what happens up in space if we can't have freedom down here? Freedom to not be abused by assholes with derogatory language. You can still say homo, by the way. I've never been criticized for saying homo. No one's come after me for saying homo. Homos themselves. Like, Justin Martindale gave me a homo pass.

2:10:30 .670] Oh, he did? .510] Yes, he did. .390] That's cool. .510] I don't know if he did, but he would. .390] Well, it's not. .990] I mean, I'm just saying it now because I know it's going to be bad. .990] Intention's the most important. The idea another. And here. .590] No, it's not here. .310] Intention. No. Oh, you're doing that. .840] No, it's not what's important. What's important is gender equality overall. When that becomes a hundred percent across the board, then we can worry about your intention. Right now, it's about controlling language. Okay, well, it's about you not being an asshole.

2:11:03 .600] It's like the voice of all the. It's like. It's like if all the blogs on Earth formed into some monster and attacked a city. That's what it would talk. .680] Like if all the. All the blogs on Earth got together and became an organism, like a life force. All the Tumblr. If Tumblr was a living creature, it would just. It would be covered in tattoos and it would have piercings all over its face and it would just be screaming into the abyss.

2:11:28 .610] Hey, man, have you seen that blog about Etsy? Have I. We talked about this on here. The Etsy Boyfriends. Like, it's a blog of, like, boyfriends having to wear their girlfriend's Etsy clothes. Have you seen that? .890] What is Etsy? .850] Etsy is a. So Etsy is a. Like a crap. It's a. Like an am. What would you call it? Craigslist for people who sell crafts and stuff?

2:11:47 .450] Yeah, it's exactly. It's like. Like, I'm going to make a bunch of socks and sell them to you. It's like a garage sale. .450] Please look it up, man. .810] A garage sale. .970] Can you pull it up, Brian? It's so funny, but it's like, I'm confused. Just watch this blog. It'll all come clear. Like, it's like people make crafts. Like, I made gloves and I'm gonna sell them online. Or I made my own boots. So there's a blog dedicated to boyfriends having to wear the sweaters that their girlfriends made and they all look semi miserable because they're in the. Did you find it? Yeah, that's Etsy. But look up.

2:12:21 .150] Oh, so it's just guys wearing their girlfriend's creations. .630] You gotta see it. .830] Why do girls create, like, Ridiculous things. And they make them wear like. What do they make these guys wear? .430] Sad. Etsyboyfriends? Tumblr? .120] Yeah. Check it out. Oh, no. .280] Oh, no. .320] Not all blogs are good. .400] Wait a minute. Okay, stop right there. That shirt looks like what I have on. Very similar. I'm wearing a velour tracksuit top. And it's wonderful. Now I understand why there's fat Italian guys that sit out in front of, like, social clubs, wear these things. They're so relaxing. They're comfortable. It's like your clothes are giving you a hug. It's like inside it's all fuzzy and shit. It's great.

2:12:57 .720] Great. .920] It's comfortable as fuck. Softest thing I've ever worn. And these guys are wearing these sweaters because they're posing for their girl. .400] Yeah. They have to. .520] What is this guy doing? He's being. .120] This is his girlfriend, obviously made some kind of, like, nose warmer type thing, and so he has no pose. .920] Well, it's sweet. God damn it. Why'd I have to summon up. Oh, geez.

2:13:25 .170] Okay, that. Is that a hat that she made? And she made a jean jacket. Well, it's fairly interesting. Okay. It's just a bunch of guys wearing shirts. .330] You're right. It's fine. I'm a dick. I gotta stop doing that. Always summing up. Darkness. You know, there's. There's a. There's a. .810] There's a writers on the storm. .170] There's a. It's called. There's a Buddhist author named Sharon Salzberg, and she. He coined the great phrase recreational bitterness. And it's. This. Isn't that cool? Recreational bitterness. And how damaging and dangerous.

2:13:58 .150] What is her name again? .990] Sharon Salzberg. .270] Sharon Salzberg. Spell that. .270] S, A, S, A, L, Z, B, E, R, G B, E, R, G. Salzburg. Sharon Salzburg. Recreational bitterness. She tweeted about it. .830] That's amazing. .670] Recreational bitterness. It's. Or is it Joan Halifax? One of them said that. I can't remember which one. There's two. They're just two different Buddhist teachers. Roshi, Joan Halifax or Sharon Salzburg. But anyway. Recreational bitterness. How. It's like that thing where you get around a group of people and your primary topic of conversation is what's wrong in the world? Recreational bitterness. I gotta stop doing that, man. I'm so sick of doing it. Even little ways, you know, where you just kind of accidentally go, that's that idiot just kind of even joking, isn't it? Yeah. It's dangerous, I think.

2:14:48 .450] Rebecca Solnit. Salzburg Salnet. .930] Salzburg. Sharon Salsburg. .130] I got here. Rebecca Solnit. Now, look, maybe she got married. .610] I don't know. .170] Change your name. .730] Salzburg. .370] Sell out. The cultivation of recreational business. Speaking to her allies. Rebecca Solnit. Well, she might have been quoting. .010] She must have. She must have been quoting this person. I gotta get.

2:15:13 .650] This is 2012. 12, huh? .630] I'm glad you looked it up. .750] But she might have been quoting this other person I'm saying, right? I mean, I didn't read into it whatever either. Whoever created it all, praise be to you. .790] May you live forever. May your children be fat. .430] Point is, it's a awesome quote. Recreational bitterness is some real. I mean, go to any comedy club.

2:15:32 .670] Oh, my God. .470] Talk to the guys who are, like, on the outskirts especially that are, like, trying to get in. .390] Ah, it's the water. It's the water they swim in. And. And it's so sad, but it's like when you realize how it's infected your own life in the small ways. Like, it's the small. And this is why mindfulness is good. Because you just sort of watch yourself. And then the next time you find yourself bringing out some old bones to chew on with your friends and you're just, like, saying. Or what. How you're referring to yourself or like, what does this idiot want? Right, right, that thing. What does that dick gotta say? You know, you look at the content of your language, and it's like, if you go into the idea that the universe conforms to the way you describe it, then that is a very dangerous modality to get into because maybe you're actually coloring the world with your linguistic farts. The constant degradation of this universe that you're in as a kind of habitual fun.

2:16:28 .770] Well, you for sure, taint. Not just taint, but you. You interact with everything. You come in contact with every person you come in contact with, every situation you find yourself in. You're in control of what kind of energy comes out of you in that scenario. And just in doing that, you talk about the ripple effect of the savages that created humanity and how it's affecting us today. Also, every good thing you do or every good interaction that you have or every great experience that you have with other people that spreads out in a good way. And the more you do that, the more those people might likely learn from that experience that that's a good thing to do and then do it in turn to other people.

2:17:10 .320] Right? .520] One of the nicest compliments anybody ever gives me when I go to comedy clubs or wherever is how generous the people that come to the shows are it's because we talk about it all the time. You guys have talked about it many times. Like leaving nice tips for people, being friendly to people, sincerely letting people know that you're happy with what they've done or who they are or that when you do that and you show, like, friendship and just a real genuine, unselfish gratitude when you do that, or a generosity when you do that, you can create a whole world where other people start doing that, the people around you start doing that too. Like maybe the waitress, you gave her a $50 tip for a fucking coffee and a donut, and she's gonna, for whatever reason, give somebody else a tip or give somebody some advice that you would, or help a friend or you feel inspired to be nice. And who knows, who knows? You know, you help a friend move and you do it all cool and selflessly and you take your time out of your day. That friend might be a fucking mover, helper for life.

2:18:11 .010] That might be like, dude, Duncan fucking got up at 9 in the morning, met me at my house, helped me get the rental truck, never asked for any money, you know, And. And he helped me all day. He was dedicated to help me move my fucking shit out of my apartment. Apartment. I'm going to do that for everybody now. .860] And what a great feeling it is when you're doing that. Man. It's so cool when you're healthy. It feels so good to get your frequency there. It's so nice when it's effortless.

2:18:32 .620] Yeah. .980] And then when you practice mindfulness in the midst of that, you get to watch the parts of yourself that do resist. Because no matter how, maybe you're a supremely awakened being, but you're still going to have this kind of psychic indigestion where in the middle midst of helping or something, you might notice certain selfish thoughts start emerging about wanting to get something back from it. And you can't blame yourself. You were raised in a system of exchange. You know, if you give me this, I give you this. If you hurt me this way, I hurt you that way. So there's a momentum in the direction of selfishness that comes from a lifetime of conditioning. And that's why if you put yourself in a situation where you're giving to someone and add mindfulness to the equation, you'll start learning a lot about yourself and see your resistance to purely being in that complete state of just letting it go, giving it away, believing that we exist in a universe of pure abundance, where there is not a limited supply but an infinite supply. And the ghost story, the echo of the savages is one of its primary components.

2:19:34 .370] Talks about a universe where everything is limited and can go away. And therefore you must constantly be on the defense. When maybe the news story is one where it's like, no, we live in an infinite universe of pure abundance. And the more you surrender to that, the more selfless you become. And the more you embody that by giving to other people, the more you summon into this dimension a brand new paradigm that has as its nucleus love.

2:19:59 .720] Or you get James Brown. Because James Brown you don't get. If you have all those other things, you know, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, get up, get on it. You got to have some suppression. You got to have some fucking iron will that's been developed to fight against the oppressive white man. So you get on that stage and you just showing everybody how shiny your shoes are. You're fucking spinning and splits. And you live in a marginalized civilization, a marginalized culture. And you're a bad. And you want the world to know it. And you get out there with your cocktail slip back.

2:20:32 .360] Yeah, man. Both wearing a cape. Both are beautiful because one, you got the flower growing out of the sidewalk or out of the concrete where it should never be, and the other one, you've got a field of flowers that are just infinitely growing under the beautiful sun. Both are incredible. Both are incredible. I love them both. And I think that as long as that light of humanity is shining on the potential to be a flower bursting out of a sidewalk or to be a community of flowers, that's what it's all about, man. There's no feeling like that. But this fucking culture of bitterness, it's turning your back on that notion. It's eliminating. I mean, you might say James Brown was a completely bitter person, but when I see James Brown.

2:21:15 .240] That's not what I'm saying. .120] Yeah, I know you're not. I know you're not. I'm saying what he's doing, even if it might be a reaction or retaliation, when you see that guy come out, especially that amazing concert where the Mick Jagger said the worst mistake of his life was following James Brown. You ever heard about that story? When you see that fucking concert, that's. I think that's love exploding out of that guy. Love amplified through cocaine, perhaps, but still love.

2:21:41 .750] Cocaine is love, Is that what you're saying? .350] I think cocaine can amplify love, though. I don't like this stuff. It makes me depressed. But I've heard that. I'm not Joking. That's not a sarcastic. I like almost every drug, but I keep. I can't do cocaine. It just. I don't know what it is, man, but I do it and it like just gives me the blues. It's really weird.

2:22:00 .330] I never heard James Brown did cocaine. Did he. Was James Brown into drugs? I should know that. .250] I don't know. I'm just assuming and that's not fair to say. .450] Yeah. .810] You know why I haven't looked it up? Because I don't want to be racist. .770] What? .250] I don't want to be racist. Looking up something. Yeah, but he did drugs. Fucking black man.

2:22:18 .250] Well, you know, anytime somebody does something great, most people like, what drugs were you on? .740] James was smoking a lot of pot, but I could smell something else in there. I confronted him about it. Brown had a previous addiction to PCP or angel dust and had free base croquet. Croquet cocaine. When you're playing croquette, you have a little coke. But he shrugged it off. I think the second I was out of there, James was smoking pot laced with other, stronger drugs. Wow. This is from Mick Jagger's James Brown biopic.

2:22:50 .810] Yeah. Mick Jagger. .770] That guy never did drugs, did he? .050] I mean, what. It's Mick Jagger doesn't. Mick Jagger. .090] This is. A woman actually said this. This is. I'm getting the quote. It's from that article. .450] That's so funny. Mick Jagger being like, I'm pretty sure I smell drugs in James Brown's marijuana. .570] Well, this is the Tommy Ray. T O M I. Yeah. T O M I A R E who was hired by Jagger to be a consultant for the new film, is now working with the Rolling Stone star and his team on a two hour documentary which will set the story over the battle over James Brown's estate. Brown was raised in a brothel by his aunt after his mother abandoned him as an infant and his abusive father refused to care for him. Holy shit.

2:23:37 .100] Richard Pryor, too. .540] It was this rejection that is believed to have led him to becoming a control freak. A control freak in later life. Wow, that's intense, man. He always insisted on being called Mr. Brown, even by me. She smiles. It was about respect. This man. This was a man who came from nothing, who dragged himself up by his bootstraps. He had talent, but he was ahead of his time.

2:24:02 .490] God, how many times is that sentence? He was a bad. .170] What are you playing up here? Why are you showing us? .490] Well, on Wikipedia it was. It's saying for the majority of his career, Brown carried around a strict drug and alcohol Free policy with any member in his entourage, including band members, firing people who disobeyed orders. But he said in the night. However, in the 1980s, it was alleged that Brown himself was using drugs after meeting and lady later marrying Andrea Rodriguez.

2:24:31 .080] Oh, so early in his career he was drug free. And later in his life he started fucking hitting it hard. .640] Yeah. .680] And doesn't make sense. .680] The domestic violence started. .300] Listen, if you really want to do pcp, that's the best way to do it. What are you gonna do? You snort it like a pussy. .900] People snort pcp. .260] I'm sure they do, man.

2:24:48 .700] That I went through a phase of watching PCP videos of people on PCP because it looks like they're possessed by demons. Have you ever seen it? Like the emergency room videos of people on pcp. It's as close as you get to demonic possession. Like, they don't know who the fuck they are. They're saying weird shit. They have to like strap them down with leather straps. But it's like the Exorcist, man, that a person on a. Those are the stories where, you know, the cops shoot them nine times and they don't drop.

2:25:16 .320] They break their handcuffs and shatter their wrists trying to get them off. .640] And they say like ancient Sumerian, like, no. So the Lord of darkness is on the wind. .360] Everybody tell you about my old boxing coach? .280] No. .640] My old boxing coach was on PCP and he got his finger bitten off in a street fight. His finger on his right hand was gone, his index finger, the guy bit it off. So he had his big toe removed and his big toe attached to where his index finger was, but permanently curved so that he could still throw right hooks.

2:25:49 .250] Wow. .970] So when you'd shake his hand, he would shake his hand, you'd get that. You would get like a hand and one finger would be curved. So he had the doctor fix it and sew it together. Curved. Because it was one of two things. Either it would have to stay straight or would it have to be curved? And he went with this so he could still throw right hooks.

2:26:05 .100] I gotta tell you, man, I almost want to get my finger replaced with my toe just to tell that story. .900] Fucks with your footwork. Fucks with your footwork. You're missing your next to big toe. Your big toe's gone. Your big toe's there, but your next to big toe is gone. And that was the one, you know, that long, freaky one. He had a long freaky one, had that shit removed. And that was his index finger. So he had like a Short index finger. Yeah, his finger. His index finger was basically like a pinky. It was basically like really close to like a pinky.

2:26:31 .960] What kind of life are you living where whenever you look at your. Your toe finger, you're like, yeah, that was when I was on PCP in that street fight. I gotta go teach boxing now. That's so. That's. There's so many badasses out there. I didn't end up in this incarnation. I didn't become a badass. But that seems fun, you know, that seems like a really cool, cool life.

2:26:54 .800] Like, did I ever tell you about this guy? .680] No, Joe, you never. Somehow you completely missed telling me that you were trained in boxing by a PCP user who had his finger chewed off. .240] He was a longshoreman. He was crazy. I mean, still is a great guy, but he was like. Like one of the toughest guys I've ever met in my life. Like, legit bonafide tough guy. His name is Joe Lake. He's still a friend of mine from Boston. He was. He was an animal. Dude. This is a funny story. I was supposed to work at Nick's Comedy Stop. I was supposed to do an open mic there, not work. You know, stop by for the open mic night. And Joe Lake tells me, he goes, hey, I know that guy Dominic, who runs that fucking place. I'll come down and watch you. So he comes and he sits in the office. Big fucking giant Irish guy, just murderous puncher. Just knock people dead, you know, just tough as shit, right? And his friend Mike, who ran the comedy club, one of those bouncers didn't show up. So he asked Joe Lake, he goes, will you help me out? Just watch the crowd, make sure, you know, nobody fucking steals any money or something. Just gotta stand back there and watch the show and I'll pay you X amount of money.

2:27:59 .650] He goes, ah, fuck it, I'll come see the show. So he goes and sees the show. Well, there's a guy who works for the club that doesn't know that Joe is just doing a favor for Mike, Mike Betts, who runs the place, right? So he yells at Joe, like, why aren't you fucking kicking this heckler out, you fucking idiot? He goes, that's your job. You go kick that guy out. And Joe picks him up and slams him against walls. Literally lifts him in the air and is holding him up against the wall. He goes, I don't know who the you think you're talking to, but you talk to me like that and you're going to the hospital and then he puts him down and he just puts a finger in front of his face and he goes, okay. And he walks away. And the guy is just. Guy weighs 150 pounds at the most. Wow. And Joe's a big guy. And I show up at the open mic night and Joe shows up and this guy who works the club sees Joe and turns white like a sheet. And Joe walks over to him, puts his hand on his shoulders like he's towering over this guy, puts his hands on him and he says, this is my friend over here, Joe Rogan.

2:29:01 .070] He's an up and comer. Very funny kid, you know, you should give him some work. And the guy's like, looking at me. I never worked that club ever, ever, for the rest of my days. It's forever to get into that club. I did for years. I did all the other clubs. I couldn't do that club. They wouldn't book me. I couldn't do weekends. .670] I'm so glad the story ends like that. It's so much cooler than getting mafia into a comedy club.

2:29:25 .270] Well, I won't say the name of this club, but this club was famous for paying people in cocaine. This club was run by. Run by people of unscrupulous connections. Allegedly. I do not know whether or not any of it was true, but I had witnessed things that would lead me to believe that it probably was true. .960] I think I know the club you're talking about.

2:29:41 .120] Don't say it. It's like fucking Candyman. But the guys, they were good guys. It was a terrible situation. If that hadn't happened, I probably would have got along with them fine. .280] Right? .680] And I eventually did. They had to realize that I didn't have a grudge, and I do. I wasn't. But he was embarrassed, you know, that this guy now was in the club again and he couldn't do anything about it. And the whole thing was a mess, you know, it was a mess. And that guy always, like, had it out for me.

2:30:07 .610] Because he just thought you had brought a thug to get your way on stage. .930] Exactly. I'm sure that's exactly what he thought. I was fucking terrified. But when you meet guys like that, like, read, you got. You got to go, oh, there's a guy like that out there. .010] Yeah. .970] You ever start thinking that you, you know, like, oh, I'm a fucking badass. Oh, my mentality is different than ever. No, you didn't need to meet a guy who got his finger bitten off in a fight because he was on PCP and his toe Sewed in place of that fucking finger so in a

2:30:37 .280] way that, so he could punch in a way so that he could keep punching. .200] Exactly. .560] If I got in a PCP street fight, if it ever happened, like somehow, I don't know, my fucking neighbor's mad about the laundry room or something and we get in a PCP fueled street fight where my neighbor bites off my finger and I'm in the hospital and they're like, we can put your toe back on. I'm not gonna be like, can you just make sure you put it on a way I can keep fucking fighting.

2:31:08 .840] Well, he was a boxer and he was a boxing coach. I met him because I was working at this, this gym. I was teaching taekwondo at this Nautilus plus place in Revere and there was this gym that was attached to it like a kickboxing gym. And I took over. I was teaching the Jaehyun Kim Taekwondo Institute's classes out of there in Revere and he was a boxer that would come by and use the weights and all that stuff.

2:31:32 .450] Right? .770] And we just became friends and so we exchanged techniques. He would teach me how to box, I was teaching him how to kick. .450] That's cool. .970] We became friends and I was like, oh my God, this guy's crazy. He's the best though. .690] That's cool to be a martial artist. I don't have memories like that, you know, like one, one day they're gonna. I don't have memories like that. But that would be. Those are, those are cool memories. Those would be cool memories, man. I love that. I love to be like, be able to be like, yeah, you know, that my Starcraft coach, you know, that's as close as I've got to that kind of any kind of competition. That's as close as I got.

2:32:05 .600] Well, for me it was so long ago that I feel like I'm lying when I tell stories. Like I know they're all true and I can verify them and I'll call my friends who were there, like my good friend Steve Graham who I'm still friends with. We'll talk about the old days all the time. But when I talk about it, it seems like a lie. Like it doesn't seem like it was really happening.

2:32:22 .420] No, it doesn't. It doesn't seem like a lie to me. .300] No, no, I mean to me. .180] Oh, I'm sorry. .660] Even though it was my life. .380] Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you meant you. .380] No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying in my life, when I tell the story, like I Know, he. I met. I saw him again a couple years ago. He really does have a fucking Very permanently curved. He's a great guy. But, I mean, when I tell that story, I'm like, did I make that up? Like, no, I didn't make that up. I really know that guy. I. I knew a dude who was arrested when I was living in Boston because someone had killed this guy and broken virtually every bone in his body and continually injected him with cocaine to wake him up when he would black out. And they kept breaking his bones, probably with like a hammer or something like that, probably like hitting him with a sledgehammer and just breaking his body. And when he would pass out from the shock, they'd inject him with cocaine. And they did that over and over and over again until they eventually killed him.

2:33:09 .570] Them. .650] And then they chopped him up into little pieces. And this guy now got arrested for that. And I don't know if he did it, and I don't know if he didn't do it, but I know he was a scary guy. He was a scary guy that went to jail for several years. .770] What did the guy do that they were doing? .850] I have no idea. I have no idea. But it was a big story. It was a big story in the news. And then when my friend got arrested for it, I was like, okay. Not. I shouldn't say friend. Train, training partner. Guy who showed up the same gym as me. I mean, we never, you know, didn't have more. My house.

2:33:39 .880] That is one of. Joe, that's one of the worst things I ever heard. Every time you. You finally fall into the abyss, finally you're like, it's over, it's over. I'm passing out. You get a cocaine rush. .920] Yeah, they. They killed that guy slow. I don't know what he did. I mean, he must have done something awful or something must have gone awful. I don't. Who fucking knows? But I knew a lot of people like that. That's the weird thing about, like, fight gyms. You come in contact with some really scary people sometimes, right? You know, people who want to learn how to defend themselves, people want to learn how to kill people.

2:34:14 .430] People who are training not out of some kind of recreation or the enjoyment of a sport, but actually you're training because they have to daily get into fights and torture people. .990] Well, there was a guy that used to come to our gym that legitimately was a hitman. It was a legitimately hitman for the. The Irish mob in Boston. And he would literally ask, how. How would you kill Somebody in this situation, what would you do? And he was a very nice guy. Like, he was very quiet and very not. But he was almost like a guy who knew some exciting shit was about to happen so he could stay really calm most of the time until the exciting shit happened. So, like, when you would train with this guy, like, I helped this guy out a little bit. We. I did some drills with them and showed him some stuff. And he was very calm. Like, he would never imagine this guy was a killer. He was very calm and very relaxed, and I knew sort of who he was or what he was. So it was really weird showing him all this stuff. You know, I was just trying to get him to respect me and I was just trying to teach him the best I could and just ignore all that bullshit. So I don't know what you do.

2:35:16 .190] I don't want to know what you do. I'm just gonna show you this is the best way to do this shit. And I was teaching him. And fucking wind up getting arrested. He wound up getting arrested for murder. Like, he's in jail for, like, I don't know how many years. He was a part of that whole Whitey Bulger thing when all that Whitey Bulger went down.

2:35:33 .370] There's a great. Have you seen that Brad Pitt movie where he plays a hitman? You know the one I'm talking about? It's good, man. .370] That's the one with James Gandolfini, one of his last movies. .650] Yeah. .650] Was it Killing Him Softly? .890] That's it. .650] Pretty good movie. .570] Pretty good movie, man. Really good. But it's sort of the. Like, it was the. The elections. It was Bush versus who. What were the elections going on in the movie? It was like. It was like throughout the entire movie on TVs it's playing the elections because it's trying to make this amazing comparison between the new mob. Like the mob had evolved or a change into a kind of corporate structure to the United States having also shifted to this corporate structure where there's this kind of diffusion of responsibility. And Brad Pitt is sort of the embodiment of that kind of like diffusion of responsibility. Because his point of pride was that the way he killed people was by surprise. So that they didn't know that they were getting killed.

2:36:31 .120] Yeah. .560] And that's a. Like that makes it any better. You know, that's somehow like. That's like a good quality to have. But, God, it was a great movie, man. But is also great because it wasn't just a hitman movie. .040] I love the Gandolfini character. .760] Oh, he was so awesome. .080] He was so out of control, and it was just like. You saw him just ramp up the out of control. He just got more and more crazy as the movie went on.

2:36:52 .360] I was like, oh, yeah. .760] It was like one of his best roles. I thought it was just. Just like, he's. Because you really believed he was that guy. He looked like he was so fat. He was having a hard time breathing. You tell how irritable he would be like, in real life when he would scream and spit would be flying out of his mouth holding on to a drink.

2:37:10 .150] He nailed it, man. I didn't even know he was in the fucking movie. That was just one of those movies where a friend said, it's good. I was just, like, laying in bed watching Netflix. It's like, God damn, this is a good movie. .390] James Gandolfini was a bad. .870] Yeah, dude. .670] That Tony Soprano character was the greatest, in my opinion, the greatest individual character in any show ever.

2:37:31 .840] Yeah, I think you're right, man. I think he was. .600] I mean, if not the greatest, I mean, it's a certain. Maybe there's an equal level that they all reach at some. Someplace. But that was, like, right up there. .520] Yeah, he was a. He was a badass. .400] Like, him and Rhoda, like, right there and who? Rhoda. Mary Tyler Moore's friend. Yeah.

2:37:53 .600] Weird. .600] I thought you were talking about, like, so Lucy. .420] I Love Lucy. .260] Remember Schroeder? .260] I was thinking Grace Under Fire. .020] Japanese Godzilla monster. .300] It sounds like. .740] Oh, Rodan. .620] Rodan. .220] Yeah. .620] I was just trying to think of a silly character. Lou Grant. Him and Lou Grant. .620] No, man. .620] That Schroeder character always creeped me out.

2:38:20 .020] Ricky Schroeder? .860] No. .020] No silver spoons. What are you trying to say? No, the guy that was, like, on this podcast. Bro, be on. .130] The guy who always wear denim jackets. And he used to be, like the. .410] The. .050] The maintenance guy for. Was it Mary Tyler Moore or. .530] Oh, yeah. Oh, I know you're talking about. God damn it. Not Schroeder. What the was his name? Schrodinger's cat? Carmen Ragusa? No, that was Laverted Shirley. Yeah, there was the guy on that show where the girl got super addicted to drugs. Yeah, right. No, One day at a Time.

2:38:53 .350] One day at a time. .990] One day at a time. What was the dude's name from One Day at a Time? Jean jacket. One day at a time. Isn't it weird that you can, like, almost any sitcom from, like, back in the day, you can move it on up. Move it on up to the side. .630] Yeah. .990] You could just sing the song. You know the song. To a deluxe apartment in the sky. We're moving on up. What's his name?

2:39:15 .550] Creepy guy. .640] Yeah, but find out his name. .640] That guy is creepy. Have you seen the Too Many Cooks thing yet? No. .760] No. I keep hearing about it. I'm scared. I'm scared to be too awesome. .520] Pretty awesome. .200] I'm scared to be too awesome and take up all my time. What was his name? .840] I'm still trying to find it. .720] He looks like Freddie Mercury.

2:39:33 .320] There was always those guys where you would. Schneider, Schneider. That was his name. Harrington Jr. Schneider, Schneider, Snyder. Wow. There was always those guys who were like the guys who worked in the building where you lived or Carmine Ragusa. Didn't he work the Big Ragu? Did he work at the plant with Laverne and Shirley? Shots. Brewery and squeaky.

2:39:57 .750] Yeah. .190] Oh, my God. I forgot about Lenny and Squiggy. Dude, I met Epstein from Welcome Back Cotter once. .990] No. .750] Yeah. Epstein from welcome Back Cotter was on news radio. He played my brother. Him and Nick DePaulo and Brian Callan. We all played brothers and he was the regulator. He came in with a baseball bat. Beat the out of all of us. It's back when you could do that on tv. Can you beat people up on TV anymore? Is it allowed?

2:40:21 .360] Yeah. .920] What do you mean? .520] Yeah, you can. I think you. Fuck yeah. Look at the. I guess the Walking Dead doesn't count .200] as a sick dude. Does it not count as a kid? What the fuck, man? This year is so horrifically violent. .640] It's exactly the way way it's supposed to be, Joe. That's what the comics are like. That's what it was like. That's what. That's exactly why the comics are so badass, because they're. This season is finally hitting the pitch that the comics hit, which is just extraordinary violence and insane hopelessness. Exactly what it would be. It's so badass. That's why the comics were good.

2:40:58 .280] Yeah. And that's the only way a show really works is it got. It has to continually ramp it up and outdo itself. .900] Yeah. .460] Unlike religion. Right. Religion. That say stayed and static. .940] It can't change because it either does .980] that or it falls off and it jumps the shark. .900] Yeah. .220] Those are the two. Like it goes Dexter or it goes Walking Dead.

2:41:19 .060] Yeah. Oh, God. Dexter. Sure as jumped the shark. Huh? .900] Started off so good. .980] Oh, so sad. I just. I just started walking watching an episode of Dexter on a plane. And I was so saddened by what It. What happened? .350] They gave up. They gave up and phoned it in. Something happened. Or they ran out of juice. .310] So depressed. .150] Or someone. It could be some political thing. Some people got involved that shouldn't have gotten involved. Like some guy, like, maybe he was a producer for Coach. Remember that show? That's the fucking sitcom. This guy was Wings. Wings was underrated. Wings was not a bad show. Thomas Hayden Church was fucking hilarious on Wings. Yeah, that guy was great. That guy's a great actor, man. He's a creepy actor. Like, he pulls off some shit.

2:42:02 .240] He is good. .880] I interviewed him once for later on NBC, you know, one of those shows later. He's a fucking great guy. Like, he was really cool. Like, we had, like, a total normal conversation. Like, he was like a regular dude. It's always, like, super nice when you meet another guy who's, like, on a sitcom, you know, as a fucking regular guy. Chris Hardwick is really nice. Like, I did Chris Hardwick's podcast last night.

2:42:21 .380] Yeah. .740] Fucking great conversation with him. Like, the longest I've ever talked to him. I've only said, like, hey, what's up, man? How you doing? What's going on? And I've listened to his podcast, but the first, like, real conversation, I had to sit down with him. It's a fucking really nice guy. Like, a really nice guy. Really smart guy. .420] Hard worker.

2:42:36 .220] Fuck yeah, he is. .100] How many shows is he on? .700] He has a million shows. .900] He's on more shows than anyone's ever been on, I bet. .580] But my point being, he's a normal dude. Like, you meet up him, he's totally normal. You know what I mean? Like, you meet him, there's no. There's no weirdness. .440] Thank God, man. That's always such a depressing mind when you run into somebody who's got success and they're. Because it seems to disrupt the principles you've come to understand that allow success to grow into your life, which is being sweet and generally being a giver. It's such a weird thing when you. When you. And it's a rare creature.

2:43:12 .800] Well, some people are so fucking talented that it's almost like you'll let them get away with some crazy shit. Like, I never heard James Godnolfini was an asshole and never heard he was anything other than a nice guy. But he was obviously completely out of control. He was obviously doing blow and he was drinking. .080] Oh, yeah, yeah. .680] They found his body. And blow in his body. I mean, he was. Look, you don't get that big unless you're just Fucking going off like a rocket. You know, he was wild. He wasn't a Buddhist. He wasn't doing yoga while he's eating kale. He was a wild motherfucker. And the only way you get a wild motherfucker like that, that you can enjoy in those crazy fucking movies in that role is if he's living like that.

2:43:48 .170] Right? .610] You know, and it manifests itself in this art. His art becomes this wild, explosive, spit spraying, yo fucking piece of shit. And just fat and red is no hair. And he's like, yeah. I mean, that's that guy. You have to. That. You have to be that guy to do that. .700] Yeah, right. .340] Like, it's beautiful. .300] You're growing a Gandolfini plant. You've gotta water it with Coke and chicken wings.

2:44:17 .580] You got the good mozzarella, that place you gotta give him. I was in a. A restaurant once in Little Italy before he died, and not sure not long before he died either, when he came. He came walking in, and I wished I was famous enough to go say hi. You know, I wish I was. Like, if I was Brad Pitt, I would go over and say hi, but I don't want to be annoying, man. And he probably doesn't know who the fuck I am. He probably doesn't watch the UFC or Fear Factory, that stupid shit. So I didn't want to say hi, but, like, anybody that I would want to say hi to, he was, like, right up there. And then after he died, I was

2:44:48 .400] like, shit, should have said hi. .880] I could have just said hi. .200] Should have said hi. .480] Yeah. I didn't want to annoy him, though, you know? It just seemed like a douche bag move to go over to someone's table. I was like, maybe if I can catch him. Like, if I'm leaving and he's leaving. Synchronicity. And he's right there. .130] Yeah. And what if, for whatever reason, you interrupt a really nice bite of whatever he's eating and you trigger the heart attack? And everyone from now on talks about Joe Rogan killed James Gandolfini. And everyone's like, what did he say to him? What did he say?

2:45:15 .050] Do you know? That's why I didn't yell at Buddy Hackett. Do you know that? .770] No. .250] Buddy Hackett was screaming at me, and I never raised my voice. We were on the Last Comic Standing. This dude was. I was one of the judges. Buddy Hackett was a judge, and Monique was a judge. Stu is really funny. I won't say his name. It's really funny. But he was stealing jokes just like, yeah, and I. And I said all nice things first. I said, your performance is awesome. You, like, got really, you know, really funny and a lot of energy. But I've heard those jokes before, and one of them was actually from a movie, the movie Boiler Room. The joke was, they should put you people on an island. Someone says that to a gay guy, they should put you people on an island. He goes, they did. It's called Manhattan. It's pretty funny. It's a good line. This guy did that in this fucking thing on tv.

2:45:58 .390] And you. .870] You have to. You have to call that out. So I tried to do it in a nice way. Tried to say nice things first and then say, but I've seen those jokes before. Like, don't do that, man. And I have to say that I can't just let it pop. And then, you know, Monique was saying, like, you know, oh, you made it yours. You made it yours. You know, that might have been something else. You made it. And then Buddy Agate starts yelling at

2:46:17 .190] me, you fucking asshole. I never heard those jokes before. Who the fuck are you? .880] He's screaming at me. Because all those Catskills guys, you know, God rest his soul, all those Catskills guys, a lot of them, they shared material. So, like, they didn't think about joke writing the way we think of his joke writing. It was like, you know, you had an act, you went on the road, most likely those people are never gonna see you again. You go from place to place to place. And if you ever get famous and put that shit on TV on the E.D. sullivan show, that's yours. You know, he did it on the Ed Sullivan Show. What are you gonna do? You know? And they all would, like, struggle for. It didn't become the art form that it is now until, like, the Lenny Bruce and Richard Pryor era, where it became this new thing. So it's almost like what he's talking about as far as comedy and what I'm talking about as comedy is a totally different thing. He's talking about being a band for bar mitzvahs and doing. And with all due respect, showing up in these, you know, these halls where you can have a music band, then a guy tells jokes, and then Sinatra's gonna come out and play.

2:47:12 .410] And, you know, it's not a comedy club. And the art form is not established the way it's established now. It's a different experience for them. So I'm defining his experience in a way that challenges his entire career. He's like, fuck you, kid. And he's right. He's right. You know, in his world, in the world that he evolved in and you know that Catskill style comedy, they all used each other's shit. You know, they all did that. They all would come up with jokes. They would remember those jokes. They would write a few things down or make a few observations, do a little crowd work. But they all, like. There was a really common thing for, like, high level guys to, you know, have joke jokes in there.

2:47:47 .580] Yeah, I've heard that. It's weird that he decided to go on last comic standing, too. .700] Well, you know, he's a loved guy. You know, he was. Everybody was praising him and, you know, he's a legend, a little comedy legend. But anyway, screaming at you, you. And I just go, I am not yelling at Buddy Hackett. .900] Thank God. Do you imagine if I did?

2:48:05 .660] And he died? He died two weeks later, dude. At the most, it was like a month or something like that. I mean, it was really recent to the point where I was like, no. .770] Yeah, you got to be careful, man. .250] Well, I'm an idiot, too. You know, when people yell at me, especially when I was young, my automatic instinct was to fuck you. Like, to yell back, you know, that whatever. Echoes of my youth would reverberate my adulthood. I'm supposed to be rational. A lot of times it skip the tracks. A lot of times it went off the road and into the woods. Like, I would do things that I didn't want to be doing.

2:48:38 .540] That's you punching Brian, Callie. .340] That's me getting him in a guillotine. Yeah, he was. And Nick DePaulo, too. Nick DePaulo came and scared both of us. And then our other brother Epstein came in and scared him. He had a baseball bat and he was a priest. Podcast is over. I gotta go do Adam Crow's. We are doing January 2nd in Las Vegas, Nevada. Duncan Trussell, Ari Shafir, Joey Diaz and moi. And we're all of us.

2:49:09 .490] That's a good fuck. .890] Yeah. .290] It's gonna be so fun. .330] God damn, that's gonna be fun. I was trying to, you know, to figure out, like, I don't think we've ever done a show, all of us like this. .370] Nope. .810] When was the last time we did, like, maybe the store? Like, all of us working on a night like this, we're all four of us together. I don't think we ever did it.

2:49:26 .590] I don't think it ever happened. .550] It was always either you and Diaz or you and Ari, or Ari and Diaz. But this is a crazy combination. It's a crazy combination. I'm so looking forward to that right after New Year's. What are you doing for New Year's? .070] You got a gig for New Year's? No, I don't have a gig. .390] Do you want to do one? .150] I don't know. I don't like going out on New Year's.

2:49:45 .910] Let's talk. .670] All right, let's talk. I don't like going out on New Year's. .310] Then don't do it. Then don't let me talk you into it. .550] I'm not talking into it. .910] Bill Cosby. How long before somebody, I feel guilty, makes a. A drink and calls it a Bill Cosby? Has that happened already? It's already happened. .610] What's the drink? What's in it?

2:50:02 .810] It's roofies. Yeah, Roofy yourself. Why are you laughing? I wasn't laughing at that. It's called the jello pudding. That's what everybody calls it. No, you can't say that. They'll sue you. Don't say it's called the jello pudding. .450] I don't know what any of this is about. .930] I don't either. Hey, Duncan, you're awesome. .250] You're awesome too.

2:50:20 .330] We actually did one a month. We did yours last month. We did this one. .250] We're pulling it out. .890] We're actually doing it. .700] It. .940] We did it. We keep saying we're going to do it and people get really mad at us when we don't do it. But we did it this time. And I'm going to do yours next month. Okay? .540] Thank you, Joe. That's beautiful.

2:50:31 .660] Deal. .140] We're going to make it happen. .660] I love talking to you, brother. .260] I love talking to you too. .340] Duncan Trussell on Twitter. Duncan trussell.com hail satan.org is that you anymore? .620] No. .900] Did you get rid of that one? Death Squad tv. Go buy some hats, T shirts and. And support Brian Red bands. All original, all artwork and get updates on, you know, all the tours he's doing with Sam. With. Not Sam. Tripoli.

2:50:55 .430] Occasionally. .750] I was gonna say Tony Hinchcliffe. He did a bunch of gigs. Dean Del Rey. A lot of gigs coming up. Death Squad tv. Oh, Comedy Store Thursday night. We're back this Thursday night. We're gonna do another Death Squad show Thursday night at the Comedy Store. Duncan Trussell's on it. I'm on it. Brian Redband's on it. .870] Tony's on it.

2:51:11 .670] Tony Hinchcliffe is on it. And all weekend, I will be at the Ontario Improv with Brian Redband on Friday night. And Tony Hinchcliffe and then Saturday and Sunday with Ian Edwards and Tony Hinchcliff. Holla at your boy. All right, you dirty. We'll see you soon. Much love. Big kiss. Bye bye. .910] Bye. .440] Foreign this episode is brought to you by Tommy John. A lot of people are trying to feel better day to day. Clearer heads, better routines. Just making small changes that actually improve how you feel. One thing people don't really think about is comfort. If your underwear isn't right, you're adjusting all day. You don't even realize how much that pulls at your attention. I love Tommy John because their stuff is is very comfortable. So comfortable you barely feel it. No adjusting, no chafing, no riding up. You honestly just kind of forget you're even wearing it. And when those little annoyances disappear, you're not distracted. Their briefs, boxer briefs and undershirts move with you. They're super lightweight and they hold up whether you're working, traveling, or just hanging out. It's one of those small upgrades that actually makes a noticeable difference every single day. Look, with over over 30 million pairs sold, there are thousands of people wearing Tommy John right now who are way more comfortable than you. Don't settle. Upgrade. I upgraded my day with Tommy John and you should too. Go to tommyjohn.com rogan right now and experience comfort perfected. Save 25 off your first order with code rogan.

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