Joe Rogan Experience #609 — Tom Papa Transcript

Transcript

0:00 What's that? Yeah. What's the idea behind it? It's not. of a nutty dude that had a lot of false claims about the the benefits of it if you want some of the stevia stuff This is why I love you, Joe Rogan. coffee no well it was black but then it's blended in with this uh gotcha medium i mean that i don't and when I open them it's going to be coffee time again

2:12 I'm not fighting it. It's a dehydrating element. Yeah. Right. I drink like a grownup, like a gentleman. Mm-hmm. Well, you probably. Ah. And it's primarily because of that. It feels manageable, right? This is what I've... You're scared to drive? No. But because he grew up during that time and he's Are you really? and uh so i put it down and stayed away for a pretty long time and uh i've been a comedian for

6:27 He wasn't comedic. And it was great. And then, you know, worked on my comedy and did everything that I wanted to do as a comedian. Yeah. Do you get weird? are you going to get high or whatever she's like you know i do this i do that and it's like will It's like people lie about three things on a regular basis. i'm like yes you did yes you did because even if it was mine

9:11 When you were 30? what was your first time was it a big deal it was your first time? Was it a big deal that it was your first time? My ideas were all wrong, and they were all based on people being losers. I didn't think that it was so much a loser thing. You're so, just to figure out who you are and what, you know. certain amount of people especially that should never try weed that's just it's not for them

11:56 I mean, I'm not perfect. Yeah. And when you're starting all over again, They become irrelevant really quick. fucking christ man yeah there was a guy came into the improv not too long ago he was doing oj jokes Well, you kind of have to. like i can go back and listen to recordings before that yeah and they're fucking god awful I mean, I remember really clearly struggling and trying to put it together and then going to see someone really good and being like, fuck, I'm never getting there.

14:55 and she was just so prolific and writing so much and such good stuff. It's like to really kind of look at it and analyze it. because I've been a fan of yours for a long, long time, good for you there's a lot of gigs out there I'm really bad at math but there's Like, that same comic's probably not going to Indiana next week It's a lot. Yeah. I mean, but what, you know, what I might think is good, I might have a higher standard than

18:21 And then there's other guys you see and you're like, all right, I get it. is that I never understood why people were laughing, than they are comedians yeah they know how to turn on the crowd. Oh, God. Or the worst is when you're, especially like you're in showcase clubs, They're really politicians. because it's so easy to criticize comedians these days and so many people go after people

20:57 and these are all young guys, and they're all coming up. store that they do every uh tuesday night uh called the roast battle have you ever seen it they're doing they weren't first of all they weren't calling someone who wasn't saying like if you don't resist it, which is difficult. To apologize and make news and be a part of it. or you're calling someone misogynist or whatever label you are much more violent

24:15 It was like a fundraiser thing for the school thing. work harder. They want their kids to win. They play five different instruments. My kids play Is it a friend? and therefore they're excelling more in sports and they're excelling more in schools what race are you? But I mean, her calling me a racist, I'm telling you, Joe, I was, I went up and did a Neil Brennan show after that in Santa Monica.

27:11 How's it racist to be better at math? There was so much fun in a time when you could just talk about each other and enjoy it. was. I actually have it framed in my house that the cover of this newspaper, it said, you know, It was a long time ago. Some shenanigans took place. Illegal aliens. on stage and talking shit. There's nothing wrong with that.

29:52 They love them. I just think people are just getting smarter overall, more educated. just not that good yeah you know there's no there's no doubt about it no it's physical Like, what are you talking about? It's not all Italians. And there's also people that are bloggers i concoct a bit right you know i mean it's just it is life right this culture that's yeah but this

32:42 Yeah. Like, you don't understand that And that's the scary part And people are taping you two weeks in when it's ugly and you don't really know what you're saying. And it used to bomb. Blog about it. Right. comes out of you like that retard or you know what i mean i said something horrible about my draft of them going to work on this thing and a comedian is showing you his first draft every

36:05 And he said, no, all these protests are really starting to fuck with my personal life. And I went to her Twitter page and just fucking followed it like a hawk. I was with him at the cellar. It was hilarious. Yeah, well he's doing it, I mean that's what he's doing. And it's his style. Right. So great. Where'd you work with Rickles this summer. Ooh. So great.

38:14 How much time did he do? It was the greatest. exactly we all love each other and uh i you know i i didn't get to meet dangerfield and i miss carlin and i was like i just want to work with rickles at some point and then it came up that i could What is a switchblade? Right. I don't get it. He definitely, I think. Brought people on stage with him? He brought a couple people, two guys kind of a mix. He brought people up. He definitely, I think...

40:13 Something's happened to his knee or something. And then they all part. But he's just, you know, you know the guy so well. I think like what you were saying about Tosh, They get ignored, My whole objective so, we're working together two nights, like you know after that we're gonna know each other pretty well you think Old school guys with gel in their hair.

42:23 So at the end, I go to his dressing room. He's got the olives. He holds my hand. You go around. You deliver food, you make people happy. That's huge. That's a good one. He would drop in at the Laugh Factory, and I was really fortunate to be there a couple times when he did. totally get that i was next to hicks once when i was an open micer i just didn't feel like i can

44:46 man. Cause I think he died in, He was so good. makes you seem so much older well it makes you seem so much more legendary too yeah that's the And I was backstage because I was a security guard, and I was working in this backstage area where I got to see Dangerfield walking around behind the stage with his bathrobe on and his slippers. Just throw a bathrobe on and just go on. Yep. Yep. He went through a a bathrobe. In the bathrobe? He'd go on stage? Totally naked. Just throw a bathrobe on and just go on stage.

46:37 It's a concert place in Mansfield, Massachusetts. Yeah. I don't remember him carrying a drink. Is that him? but like Cosby went through, Really? Do you think it goes online? See, I have my own theories about that meme, man. If you say meme me and you take a picture of him with a hat on, just let the rape jokes fly. He did something, he pissed somebody off and they're going after him.

49:37 about hollywood and the elite and what do you do in that situation you just kind of agree with him a deal with FX that netted him I don't know how much. More than $100 million Slapped together by monkeys with head injuries. Come on. Right, Charlie? What are we going to make? How about a fortune? automatically pick it up for 100. live shows with no material.

51:40 because Russell's an awesome comedian They're like, boo! and that's when they brought in comics But it's fucking terrible. Yeah. It's fucking hard. But even then, man, writers fucking hit blocks. and rewrite things that were read rewrote entire scenes and then would present this new version of it. And so like literally 40% of that show, maybe even more,

54:59 Steven was one of the few that didn't write. He didn't ad-lib anything Yeah. no fucking incentive when you got 90 episodes picked up it's you've got the gig already oh man that is rough I just consider it like Hollywood is what this Uber driver was talking about. you talk to you know i'm around comedians all the time so depending on who you're talking to

56:52 One of the beautiful things about being a comic is that you can prove it on your own. Right, exactly. People are conspiring to only put things that they like on TV. And Randy Quaid. running from hotels to the san ysidro ranch yeah yeah it's a really expensive place i've been there Instead of being a crazy thing Wait a minute, but no, they're actors

59:20 Remember that? And does he give them money or something? got the kind of money that that guy's got, times. A lot of people wouldn't understand what went on between you and me and the glass table. apparently going to write some tell-all but i don't know if she ever wound up doing it but Walking around in his robe. We should do a whole show in robes.

1:01:34 They landed a robot on a comet. your shirt is sexist and ostracizing. I mean, if the girl interviewing him, for whatever reason, sort of like he invented that stuff fucking assholes no one likes to have You know what airtight is? Oh, it just sucks. my special lady. three was where he just about airtight Put that on a shirt. It's probably Asian midgets.

1:05:17 have to. It was just people having midgets fucking your ear nonsense. Do they even make films anymore with film? Like Tarantino, right? Well, there's a lot of photographers no, you've got to use this gold cable and white steven spielberg well burr did his in black and white but i think he actually filmed it Just do your best. God, it's just so weird.

1:07:49 What's wrong with it? It's kind of shitty. Well, apparently Right. Here, I'll pull it up and we'll try this little wacky little thing. which may have been expected for some time. which already has an MP3 player. Yeah. in phones soon. Right. even care or hear the difference in it at all well you know what does matter Yeah, they have like drivers inside the ears, like the little butt.

1:10:56 It's quite a bit better. you know they used their own special driver a lot of people complained that it was really bassy and I don't understand. An iPod shuffle. Not for that, no. Yeah, I run with my phone. with my joints from kickboxing i don't want to with it with all that other stuff yeah I have a Bluetooth hooked up to this little speaker. I set the speaker up in the green room

1:13:30 The 5S. but a larger screen. You know? It's a little bit smaller. I don't know. To see if you're in love? It uses the flash from the camera camera and it pulses on your finger and actually measures the heartbeats from reading with the camera lens and reading the light on your finger. don't you don't seem as cool. Dude! Wow. This is the studio phone.

1:16:06 The iPhone operating system is clearly better. Yeah, it feels the same. especially with the thumbprint sensor Yeah. Why do you have to tell me that? Oh, you fuck. Son of a bitch. It's just crap. Recognized. What's that? I mean, I use one thumb. You should kill somebody. I know. sensor. Did you know that cops turn off So there's no way for the Find Your Phone app to find you.

1:19:39 That does make sense, though. They can only find the address. What if it's an apartment building in Manhattan? Whoa. Really? back to bite you. It made no sense. Yeah, they need to change that, or they need to make it so your thumbprint, if it's locked, lock screen. But I like to use a camera from that. I'm very busy. Oh, yeah. You know what I want them to do?

1:22:54 and it just takes forever to get out of there. You just had to drive. The green light Have you ever rented a car in New York and realized you didn't have the FastPass? I just drive through anyway. He would have a rental car and he was like, what? This guy knows. Right. That sounds so great. this seems like yeah good first spot well you're a comic and you have a family too

1:25:38 Like, Lenny Clark got hit. dollars somebody just Dan Cook's brother oh yeah that was bad that was really He could have stopped at banks and got security boxes under assumed names. I mean, have you ever seen what a million dollars looks like in a bag of $100 bills? You just got to be able to triangulate it on a GPS. Where's my bag of money? really brothers they're trying to pretend they're your brother what's the other half where's the

1:27:59 talking about many and then he started to get it investigated and when he got All that work. That is crazy. we got them up we got them down yeah it's i don't know man it's real tricky when you're trying to Yeah, so it's all like, it's all just for the future. money i'm like yeah you are but you have to think about more stuff that way right that's the i know

1:30:32 how much money can this idea make me right you know right exactly it's uh that's back to the And I'm like, if I don't start smoking weed, I'm going to literally turn into IBM. I mean, I write without it too. No. This is like a famous quote. Carl motherfucking Sagan. Yeah, love it. you should show the other side as well. god they didn't run the uh the premiere episode and they were like they said like it was a problem

1:33:32 Who said it? MacFarlane. That's about a law. There's a lot of people that are upset with him because he's illuminating people on the actual facts and measured reality of the internet Yeah, and I feel like you've got to capture those moments. I mean, I do. i get the key punch lines especially like on new stuff it's like the shining it's just page after

1:35:55 I have a lot of them. of what actually gets turned into a joke. I used to use this voice memos thing that comes with the iPhone. Recorder? No. It's a pay dynamic. Recorder? No, it's a I looked for the one that got the best reviews. You're a foodie, Joe. It's like feedie pajamas. That's not even wine. What we should get is one of those wine cooler little refrigerator thingies and put some

1:38:15 Why is that? this ain't nice I know I can't go back Wow. about living in Seattle. Like, you got to be able to deal with clouds. You fucking crazy bitch. It's been just sunny and great. Wow, that's like a big gig, man. That's it. Yes. Plus, I buy everything online. We need more toothpaste. I'm not going to a store. No. in your hand they're not like it's not like a hard piece of wood but it is a hard wood right and so you take these pellets you pour them into this bucket and it's super efficient

1:43:52 And then when you want more, you just pour some more into the box. It heats up really quickly. Awesome. I generally, I like to grill on lump charcoal, can't eat all the black stuff would fall on your chicken and you don't know if it's just grind or I have a better one. like the other day I did a roast on the Green Mountain Grill. I shot that bitch.

1:45:56 At the Wits'n Driving Race? I mean, I have 400 pounds of moose meat in my freezer. Holy cow. Yeah. No, moose is like a very unique flavor. decomposes or if you let it sit in the sun too long while you're gutting it, that's not good. And he has a show called Meat Eater. street here right like in the next town over it's called brandywine it's fucking

1:48:35 Because that's what's going to happen too. them and that's what makes their liver swell yeah however the reality is when you go to these They just don't have the same, Well, there's a humane way to treat them while they're alive, Pull it up. And it's not a chicken's period, okay? That's disgusting. They all wear maxi pads. Pull up the name of this fucking duller.

1:51:15 Fuck you. Okay? Yeah. My steak is dripping of blood. eventually some moose to them preparations would you use Then I marinated and made a roast the other day. Oh, it's amazing. Bullshit. What are they saying? California outlawed foie gras sales and production in 2004, but the ban didn't take place until 2012. California has the right to prevent the commerce in such a cruel and inhumane product.

1:54:23 And then if you ban this all the other Beef should be free range. or some sort of dog that keeps the coyotes away. he's a funny guy yeah i never met him before until today i didn't know he was in uh so many The Marriage Ref. That was the quickest tinkle ever. Did you pee or shit? Are you serious? Yes. and solving the problem you just kind of you hunker down but if you have a friend it happened

1:58:08 have a marriage ref but then And then it just became too many moving parts. baldwin and larry david and madonna and all these crazy people and then they that was it he. He wasn't going to just keep asking friends and stuff. Like Celebrity Apprentice. I mean, they offered that shit to me when i was when we were rebooting fear factor Yeah. It's the only way.

2:00:39 Because they have a weekly show. those are great producers are great aren't they not so stupid ideas that you And then Leno's primetime tanked someone was in like mid singing made this canadian song and they were like boop the marriage I can't. But didn't someone die? Yeah, I don't think it was the dead guy yeah he wouldn't have done a top 10 off the

2:03:30 What's The Nick? And Clive Owen's amazing. You know, I do a lot of stuff with Soderbergh. And they did an experiment on him, and he fucking turned into The Wolfman they treat him for cocaine madness this is like and I have another couple Yeah. It's a fucking great show. Yeah. It's so crazy. AMC. Yeah. or Amazon. What is it? Yeah, comedy. They're jealous.

2:06:52 Right. No, it's true. What's that like? They're good. mean it just went on forever five fucking years yeah it took forever how many horror movies is Yeah, he makes some fucked up horror movies too. He does. you know, Did he really? That's pretty dope. we blew the whole thing out oh wow yeah, we just wanted video special, really. A lot of people still had dial-up in 2005.

2:09:30 That's fucking insane money. Not a big deal. Oh, yeah. Well, it's not like I'm ever going to do it. You're just lazy. Okay, so most people have got rid of their cable, right? i'm sleeping with netflix every time you're you watch something it says like this window pops up The bad news is that's a good You need to get your brain examined. I mean, I think there's a lot of people that watch TV

2:11:54 where it just goes to the next episode? They're not going to do that. I mean, I tell you, no one thinks that's a good idea with you. People with head wounds. It streams in morgues all around the country. I don't know. Yeah, maybe. I think so. We Thursday nights at 1230, and you are on this Thursday? I don't know. Can you give us a preview without giving away the story?

2:13:24 Okay. don't know there's a theme i don't know i don't know i know my story though okay it was about um killed it that's did you stand up yeah nobody gives a shit about conan on cvs though or tvs Like 800,000. Yeah, they tried to do that thing. I mean, that's what I think of when I think of TBS. go on TBS. I'm like, where is it? that is a bummer because they don't want you stealing and then taking it pirating it you can

2:16:16 It's not like in a file somewhere bay guys they're oh yeah yeah they just actually re-released is selling his special online, They got files and just fucking threw them online. and you know like guys like uh you know um kim.com that dude from he lives in new zealand i mean that Oh. A disconcertingly plausible Listen, I got to get the fuck out of here, so let's wrap this bitch up tight.

2:19:06 It's not Greek. Tom Papa. Go to TomPapa.com for my dates. So you're going to be in Florida? You said you're going to be in Florida? You make your own shirts? A lot of other people, too. Until then, go fuck yourself. See you soon. We love you. We love you. We love you. Come on. We're just kidding. See you soon.