Joe Rogan Experience #613 — Ms. Pat Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience Well, you know, I used to fight back in the day. Dockers are gay? What are dockers exactly? Yeah, they keep the big wallet in their back pocket. No. I mean, if something break out, you can't run, right? You know, my niece live with me and she love them. and you look crazy. He's not bad with it. Yeah, so sometime I think my son might need them.

2:51 So he started wearing, but he didn't last. gay coffee shop it's because there's white dudes and dockers old guys who golf that's who wear I think a person who has a nine to five don't have time to really throw you against the wall at night because he got to go to work in the morning versus a dude who don't do shit during the day who can watch jerry springer with you and y'all can just practice on

4:26 If you really stop and look at it, I mean, it's something else. You're never going to succeed until you quit your job. You don't have all of the energy that you really need to put into it. But if you have met an unemployed dude and you're like, oh, he's unemployed, but he's slinging some good dick, but he's wearing Dockers, that's it? You can wear dockers.

5:55 You mean your underwear hasn't matched your bra? I'm like, I don't give a fuck. Oh, he's one of those guys. yeah it's like oh i'll beat the shit out of him but what if he's like miss pat it's not that i'm That's some bullshit. who want women panties go through sex changes you know, the little shit down there, the man in the boat. want no small penis i agree yes yeah well i know that your your dick or your clit rather becomes larger if they take testosterone.

9:07 But I've seen pictures online and it looks like a tiny dick like a thumb sized dick That's rude? Yeah. Your clit. Oh, that's all right. That's pretty long. it just fell on the bed. Like, is it like Shaquille O'Neal's pinky? The little midget dude would be holding up his pinky. That's pretty small. you she forget that everybody ain't gay around her so like i bought her a cell phone because

12:52 Yeah, I guess. stop kissing these chicks with my face? So you know it's crunchy. We all look the same. know we got dimples in our ass so it make you kind of go over the humps in your ass that's a fat bitch secret you didn't know that How did that get a foothold in the black market? But I've had four kids, and my stomach's still fucked up. He said it's completely genetic.

15:21 It didn't even make any sense. Because you have to really get close I brought you some nuts. No, there's no drugs, but they're good. No, I don't have a picture. the tiger just scratching the shit out of know her still yeah I talk to my niece every day we call it text her Hey, think about it. I lose weight. You do know. God damn it. How long was a little while?

18:23 13 pounds. leave there and your vagina muscles So I quit. Too much? He did it for a whole month. You're sending mixed messages. moisture in a color panty liner yeah yeah I keep them they like a credit card Most women? I don't know, but give a fuck about the bottom of my panties you don't no that's what it's down for the cat shit the karate shit you be doing, knocking people the fuck out.

21:38 You can kiss me. What is the deal with panty liners? It's like a Febreze in your underwear. Do you agree? I'm telling you about real pussy. I'm not talking about what you read. You know how the ocean smells when you stick your nose to one of those seashells? Well, yeah. No not A lot of yeast infections If you have sex They hurt. Nope. So you gotta try to rub it.

24:11 Because crabs are on the verge of extinction. underwear they had huge bushes nobody trimmed their pussy nobody trimmed their dick it was flu famous I'm talking about avian bird flu well I mean any disease disease population of animals living their own shit you know so what do you what make you think crabs is Yeah. Well, I do, but I don't do it at my house because I don't want to clean it up.

26:46 It's hard to get up on your walls. You got a text. All right, put that phone down. I don't. Well, my dick doesn't get hairy, but the lid i say the top does oh the top yeah i shave my balls and above the dick but the dick of your vagina. Wear little cute outfits. I walk every day, Joe. I walked for 45 minutes and rode the bike for this morning. Oh, that's good. So you're eating healthy.

29:49 I got to buy you one too. A bad habit of spending? I'm on the road about three times a month. Like your material, that's where you do your stuff? So I drive. Indianapolis and Louisville are only an hour and a half away. Dean Delray. I was like, holy fuck. off my page. Yeah. For free? We'll find somebody. Why for free? You're doing well. They love you.

32:25 out on twitter that's all you have to do oh really i'll give you a shout out if you want to train me You know what? I mean, I know, I don't remember gaining Is that large? Probably, for me, a 16 is about 175. Oh, no. And this is the last time you were here? Yeah, the heart attack is the real concern. Yeah, well, you can't gain. Oh, that is some painful shit.

35:36 that man overseas what's his name kung joo woo the man jong il yeah him yeah he got gout the new one My husband has it only in his left toe. But everybody in my husband's family got it. arthritis and comorbid conditions varies by ethnicity. Okay. That's not good. And that's Including high-protein fat diets. If my husband get it, what do he drink? Yes.

39:19 Well, cranberry juice cocktail. That's interesting. the bathroom whoa that shit hurt damn yeah why is He's like, fucking clear your throat. Harder, motherfucker. Like I call, why are you looking at me like that? Yeah, I thought he kind of like had his hand around my neck. Like, you should have a room where he can, he's got to shut the fuck up. we're not gonna i'm gonna go there and watch tv and relax that's it yeah no i have to sleep with

42:38 No crabs. Just make a deal. all kinds of crazy shit. It won't tell me to shut the fuck up. I've been fucking since I was 12. you're going to meet God and you're going to flash your life Why not? But you don't know because you haven't tried them, right? sense i mean i think they're cute you think a vibrator is cute i've seen them in all sizes i All like this, like this.

45:06 Who is it? as a vibrator? I don't know Oh. Like, so lesbians will use vibrators and strap-ons and all that shit. I was like, why are you gay? You just put it on a clit. Yeah. Christians don't use vibrators. When all the churches cared about you. So if you go to church, That's why no churches give And she would take us to get. Well, you schedule it. No, you schedule it. She'll go to the church, ask for help,

48:08 give my mama the money how much money i don't know i was a kid i didn't even know that i didn't even I was like, why? yes she was an alcoholic you know my mom i think my mama they say diabetes when you don't got no And so did my sister. was doing? Yes. Like, my mama would You remember the little camel? And she was like, make sure you pull it two times.

50:47 So we'd be like, So you were six years old So I was like, she do everything like a fucking man. That just gets me in trouble. i'm headed like these people what made you realize and what what So that's why I kept that baby, because I knew that baby would love me unconditionally because I never felt like I was loved until I mean, when I had the baby, I was 14 and I give him birth by myself.

53:59 yeah so i had to go out and get a job you got a book deal yeah when did this happen uh after i Clitorius is a Greek Roman clit. After I was here. I got a GED. so i do i do a lot well i did a lot of crying with her yeah that's the case with a lot of people Because there was no urban scene How the fuck did that happen? They did that. Yeah. When I first started. So when my husband job transferred us to Indianapolis, it was no scene there.

57:54 Get your fucking hands on me. right movement and you know you had a lot of people that believed that bullshit that we are slavery ended in 1875 think about that think about 1875 to 1940 Yeah. My dad was born in 30-something. Because it's just, we look at history. It's not. two completely different groups of people white people and black people know what i do you know because i don't see my family a lot. So I take my brother to Lafayette, Indiana, and 300-some white people come out.

1:02:01 And so when I finished him, we get in the car, he said, said rabbit how them crackers let you talk to them like that and i'm right that's right you forget your Crackers and it's filled with white people. i don't know how it's gonna go but i know they decided on rabbit they think rabbit gotta pop to I go home, I'm Pat. What you doing? He's gone. Motherfucker.

1:04:27 Brian what are you doing over there Yeah A Maypop is a Flower Oh okay Google it That's how I learned it Maypop is very specific. A flower? It's a state flower somewhere. A maypop is a Purple passionflower. I have no idea Purple passionflower. Her legs are always wide open? is fucking cuda brown so how bo is biracial he looked like he's white he looks like he's white

1:06:24 She thought he was a little Too many times. Yeah. Now, when they see you being successful and becoming famous and doing really well, oh, Pat just out here, you know, I think it's this Thursday. Why not? I'm going to call back in Indiana. So you don't want to on a plane? Yeah. I had a friend who worked at the airline. My grandfather. Wow. She was saying only white people fly.

1:10:15 down right and until somebody tap you on the shoulder say hey it's different shit out here seeing something different I mean that's what's really fascinating, especially as you become successful, your children are seeing a you that's learned and of the concerns I had was dropout nobody graduated like I dropped out in eighth Right. Well, Yeah. if she said she's always been attracted to him.

1:12:45 She was there with all the abuse, I can remember her as a little girl saying, women that have been abused that have turned to gay relationships there's Yeah, your ass popped. Well, my daughter How old was your daughter when she was born? that you experience the same sort of thing that she experienced, meaning that your mother was I got some gay neighbors.

1:15:26 So I do believe Hitting a split? Well, They was cheering. He started looking gay real young to me. So you kind of ignore it as just a boy, you know, trying to find himself. me fight a lot at school because kids mess with him at school a lot. He's singing my nephew can cut a rug cut a rug i was like lord have mercy this isn't hilarious all though right that's me stretching yeah that's you that's me stretching yeah yeah see i could do a split oh does it make me

1:18:19 And his mother was trying to get him into football. try to get someone to say yeah yeah if you just get him in a football it's just uh that'll fix I mean, there was a study they did in Rome, some Italian university, where they believe that with gay men, that it's a variation of the X chromosome because they found that women who were promiscuous, like ultra promiscuous, had greater instances of homosexual male sons.

1:20:10 promiscuous but would cheat on their husbands cheating their boyfriends and know my son i have a 14 year old son so at the time they just been about three four years ago Smart kid. until she told me over the phone we assumed she was gay well she was gay before that yes because a daughter being gay it takes a while I would think That would be in a relationship.

1:22:34 I liked her. wore out wore out it wouldn't be nothing no she just she just she is a whore whoa how dare not I've never heard that before. To me, that's a person, that's a greedy-ass person. And on the sneak tip. now it's so popular where they'll sleep with their girlfriends. And I'm like, where y'all get up? Is that really going on? Yeah, they do all kinds of freaky stuff with each other.

1:25:09 because it's so and flip my panties over. Are you making a steak? I'm just giving you a visual. When I was in high school You're probably right Have sex now. Not where I come from. And there was like a sewer behind our apartment and all like the popular kids would go down there and they'll go inside the sewer and fuck them in the sewer. But not in the sewer.

1:27:38 Yeah, they're really nice. does not have any regrets well you that that's not true you can tell them to cook you and you I want to be buried on top because I can't breathe down there. So everything's above ground. mother's tombstone yes and i was trying to get rid of the ants and i set it on fire you gotta Like that. whoop. He bought, she wasn't sick.

1:30:20 She couldn't read. Wow. Oh. nobody your mama didn't give anybody a nickname no like i got four kids and only one of them got I had the worst name. So five years you had poof? It's not as popular. It stuck. It's one part of the country. There's one part of the city We gotta go get It's not even insulting. I don't know what it is I do say Badoe do you ever say it on stage? Does it slip out? No, I say it with my family a lot.

1:34:26 Because it's a way of saying, uh. Comedians say that a lot. you're like, I've been shot a couple times, Because when I first started, it was like, you got to talk to yourself in the mirror. I don't want to do this bullshit Sure, child. And they mama do their fucking laundry. current life right you know i have a current life a lot of the shit i talk about now is from my past

1:37:29 Sometimes it's good to just do a set somewhere, film it, Yeah, but it's good. Right. what the fuck? all black parents Set your hot cock ass down. What? Type in southern hot cock. He's really funny. Yeah. So he just fucks around? So So instead of saying You took my $300. He said, ma'am, who put a barbecue spatula in your engine? He broke that bitch and stuck it in my engine.

1:41:24 He's getting better. He's getting better. no more spatulas he's at the point where you can trust him with an oil Do you hear me? what's the difference nothing that's how stupid he is and just started bullshitting my brother Ant He fired him because he gets Social Security? Did you say you want it running? I thought I got. Outside kids. God damn, that is crazy.

1:44:56 going to say I don't want a reality show, but And if you get Like if somebody gets a hold of your life Yeah because he was a guy When all of that stuff was happening you call it, twerk. You know, but a lot can't talk Al Sharpton I don't want to hear But you could be talking shit even stronger if they gave you a hard time about your show. Well, see, the thing is, you don't need, the thing about a reality show is you don't need a role.

1:48:09 shit is... Eddie Huang. you i watch that shit every week my husband record i i love that show it's only two episodes in but Yeah, it's a little boy because he talks like a rapper. with Eddie Wong oh okay Yeah. And Empire. When I'm home. Because you guys have been together for a while. supportive oh okay you know he tried to every now and then give me something to talk about and

1:50:51 That seems crazy. my husband's never going to come see me. And he was like, you ain't got to do that. and my kids said yeah I would imagine Wow, that's crazy. I crushed it. Or Archie Fier To be around You're fat You're sweaty Oh look at my neck You You know. You're fat. That's Cheetahs in Hollywood. What is it like working with Cat Williams? He needed to be alive to August 2012 because he had that type of policy.

1:53:26 because we didn't have enough money to ship him home. And he was like, here's your money. i was like fuck you i mean i i was i was opening for somebody on the regular and they didn't even So I'm going to do that too. He do. when he goes, people that are fucking up that's what I'm learning in this business. fuck is a cunt i don't fuck you nothing huh yeah but you know i used to get work on white chicks

1:56:49 Everybody's cunt over there England and Ireland everybody calls everybody cunt. He's a funny cunt Not over here for white women. Yeah. Latinos, I have a friend and he's my age and this motherfucker looks like he's 80 years old. It's weird when you're around him. Like, every single vein going to her boobs I didn't know that was thin skin. It freaked me out.

1:59:25 to stick them because you knew not to hit the veins so you know you give them but it was really Yeah, she's right. Well, not tan. taken out of his back because he had he had like a he just didn't do anything about it he had like his toes no yeah wait bob marley the manager uh was there's one of the managers supposedly killed Yeah. is doesn't it well it started she fell circulation and she um she it was a little sore and she just

2:02:33 Jesus Christ. As long as I maintain them, they won't kill me. Oh, really? Yes. Put the buttercream you're trying to with it? With what, your coffee? Yes. How do you know? What? you can go three years without worrying about your titties. Yeah, of course. Yeah, so I take my titties in every year. A lot of sweeteners, a lot of diet sodas and shit. That know how to make

2:05:36 They leave them An ugly person Hell yeah! I took him up there, hired him. They got grilled nuggets. Yeah. Your first job is your mother's favorite restaurant. They just love it. I have a set of Medicaid keys my motherfucking teenager lost her mind she told me last week and you know i don't even want to I ain't that type of mama to make you look cool.

2:08:38 I got plenty of hot chocolate in the kitchen. It's a milkshake I'm telling you Every time I go there And my daughter do study groups there. Whoa. Them motherfuckers ain't studying. Yes. A big difference. They're not kindergarten. I'm going to my room to get into bed. You know, such and such is having sex. What are you saying? They getting high. Yes.

2:12:29 Yes I was told shut the fuck up fuck up nobody want to hear this fucking high school shit. Oh, God. You're talking to their human beings. I mean, all you're doing is living and making decent grades. And you're expecting your kids to realize you were raised in a harsh environment. talking to her and she was five years old and she was telling you these stories would you have the

2:14:45 You don't get along? I didn't sell drugs. Um, somehow. because i'm like if i knew it i wouldn't ask you she said how dare you not know about history that day. And she was like, I said, no. That's what you said to her? That's hilarious. She's 17. You think she'll be a comic? to the children museum with me in indianapolis and i was like yes i couldn't go because i had a gig

2:18:10 it was a term of rap music and um crack epidemic and you know teenage pregnancy and then you say you sure you was at a children's museum? And she said, Yeah. You know, I don't like using the race card because I say everybody ain't racist. I know I was. I said, he doing like everybody else, fucking up. man for sucking dick? Getting his dick sucked. didn't get upset okay bitch you got a sicko that's stuck up your ass.

2:21:36 Yeah. like you're still talking about it today like that's like like Jesus Christ like yeah I understand So now she's like gagging and... White House. Everybody cheat. That's what why you running your mouth? could have been getting Ray-Ban. Her friend threw her under the bus. Shut your lonely ass up. care for over 20 years you don't shut your medicaid breath ass up you ain't got no man i don't i tell

2:24:37 Yeah. I know I'm right. Very common. Amongst women. How common is that? Very common. Yeah. My husband ain't doing shit with me, so he ain't going to do shit with you. Miss Pat, I got to get the fuck out of here. Me too. right well that delicious broke delicious broke me too this is beautiful though thank you thank you very much and you're so your episode of this is done

2:26:27 That, like, categorizes you. M-S-P-A-T. I will. That's it. There's some other dates that I Just figure that shit out on your own. the casino here. When's that? There you go. Good night, everybody.