Joe Rogan Experience #639 — Greg Proops Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Either way, I could, depending upon the day, I could argue both ways. I just learned to read, and so I thought, why not put it to use? Because when they said, what would you call the book? There's too much internal logic. And just going over the material in their head like sort of Jay-z style I think so. And stuffed into moleskins. But my question was, and I don't know if this works with you, if you write something down on a piece of paper, for me, I remember it.

2:53 But, I mean, just writing it. who wants to get microphones michael michael moore wrote this thing about running for president a Or a micro USB, rather. Every brand, Old government tricks. You know, they bring in the handwriting analysis guy. I have an abbreviated one in case I got to sign a thousand things where there's two versions. I'm sure in his little school, right? So his writing goes the other way entirely like it doesn't look like Willie Mays

5:16 uh, your work yes oh that's every left-hander had to learn to write with their hand up Yeah, writing left-handed is a real bitch man. That's a real bitch. I tried to practice it once when I broke my arm of your fingers, excellent articulation. I was getting early signs of carpal tunnel or something, but it's turning weak. between Xboxes, Game Boys, and Gameboys and texting everything's this now

7:11 Yeah, he's like, it's just too much. Ari lost his other phone. I don't think you have to do everything every I got buddies to or on Twitter that are comedians Or reading a book. three syllables and WWW thought of that until right now. WWW. That's gotta, there's gotta be some connection. I like when people use cray-cray in an anonymous, or in an ironic, rather, way.

10:04 You just shouldn't accept that level of culture automatically. I agree. That's funny if they don't really mean it. But if they do mean it, it's like, ooh. I remember, was it John Waters who didn't have email up to like a couple years ago how dare he he would have someone uh take down everything and hand him a sheaf of It was sort of you were talking about yourself in the third person.

11:11 conditional you see i'm a third party observer to my own life at all times i'm narrating myself but no one's going to retweet the whole thing. And the reason why I have a career is because there's an internet. You know, people just tape that I have that on. It's probably going to be like we were saying doing it in the air Minority Report was on like a was it a screen I believe so

13:42 Oh, this is the watch that's on your arm? I've been watching advertisements the side effects, and sometimes the side effects So you've got to ask your doctor about this medication that stops your zits. What's it called? Oh next on They're dead eyes. Who the fuck looks like this? You can't show giant dicks. That guy was born with a giant dick. That's the same thing here. Those girls were born

17:19 Yeah, no, which is what you sold lost a foot to diabetes pushing around in a wheelchair asking you for money Side effects may include you become an alien with bright red hair. Limit your time in the sun. I want to hear that one more time. I was watching that commercial last night on TV during a hunting show. And the visuals and the soundtrack don't match.

19:11 I don't think we should They're brainwashing people. And it's all mind-bending and poisoning, and it has an agenda. and i'd have you know more popular friends and you see this fucking commercial and the next thing you Of course. Allergic reactions even a medication. I mean how many times you ever been asked if you're allergic to penicillin So like the moccasins.

21:48 How did you find out? It happened within a When MRSA is like medication-resistant staph something or another, I think that's what it stands for. But it's particularly common in surgery cases for some reason. I mean, it goes with your... Pervy professor. My hours Yeah. Eventually All that stuff that you gelled. It smells with hand sanitizer. the audience before the show for a while and i shake everybody's hand so i'm communicating

25:08 or dance around or make a taco or anything like that. ecosystem that your life depends How many times have you shaken all these hands after a show and then fingered a girl without Or you're making a sound effect and you're fucking... They don't sterilize that thing. a receptacle. We're spitting into that So much yeah, I wonder how long does that stick around

27:24 Wow. The pre-drafts and so I wonder if the literally and I was like that's kind of exciting to think about them just sitting The physical act, that's always... Yeah, and isn't the immediacy of them making it? It's like not a hundred, but we know it's you bitch, and they take these fucking these without a doubt, 100%, these came if they were guilty or weren't guilty.

30:39 I think it's a shitstorm. And when people get involved in winning and losing, they cheat, they lie, they steal. that might have fucked up a few times, and if we saw it in real life, we'd be like right if we saw someone planting a gun on a murder suspect or a responsibility. No way! Now we see it, though, more and more, The guy who got shot who was running away from him.

33:18 cop you always have to be on guard of some fucking asshole trying to shoot you or jumping on you and punching you That's just doesn't exist And if you don't get to your gun in time, you're done. You know what I mean? You just make that happen. because we're paying the taxes, blah, blah, blah. And that's our fault. But can you imagine if they were put into that situation where not only did they have

36:29 Either someone's violating the law, which means the three places I've lived, and parking 60. Something like that. In Hollywood it is. Chevy Vega that you had to put She goes, well, what are you going to do? So I paid. It was in the 90s. Yeah, that's astounding. And I didn't even know about it. Yeah. That's a trick. Yeah, that's uh that unconstitutional. Yeah, they did. Because it was

40:10 And everybody's like, hey, what the fuck are you doing? It's not because Like when you see people win, if you're about to go to jail have winners and losers when it comes to laws to think that he was in jail now, isn't he? taking his stuff and selling it. we've been looking for an excuse to put you away. And then they're in the street upside down. Because they don't speak French.

42:50 He did. back and my joke was he's staying at the I'm inside a boy hotel now I just feel bad about him you know like I watch the And he doesn't show business from five. Dude. but their reporters do some ballsy fucking shit and um they were there while all the protests this breaking point. I hope so. I hope this we will all sympathize with poor Michael Jackson, born to this crazy family of entertainers

46:05 Everyone around them is involved in crime. That's why education is more important to spend on than law enforcement. lot of towns i've lived in. Oh, no. Community centers. And anything that's counter to that, anything that's like counterintuitive to that idea is unhealthy for us. You walk it's actually a perfect analogy if you're running and you break one ankle

50:10 Doesn't it? Damn. She doesn't once drop an N-bomb. It's pretty crazy. There's a lot of ultra-poor Asian immigrant communities in this country. bad neighborhood that's just... I mean, no one looks at like the inherent issue there's a there's a giant issue that there's winning and losing shit of all the bankers and everyone who ruined the economy fucking hilarious my joke is no no black teenager ever ruined the economy on me and no black

53:19 Because the shit that Brody says Everyone's exhausted. Don Barris is like the master of debacle. Well, you know what? For Brody, There, you know, there's people in the front row that are from fucking Idaho. off the cuff, constantly. It's like this really cool little VIP bar booking general manager type duty, yeah, he started yeah, it's just like they needed people that had

56:30 Yeah, but he's just a good dude. That strip, that's where the whiskey is, where Hendrix used to play, Yeah, you want to see Molly Hatchet? store in ages i remember seeing you outside there once and you were videotaping is the back room It goes under the comedy store and it goes up to Crest Hill where they had the comics house. We're going to get in the tunnel.

58:44 What? On that table I'm not doing it now of calm you down? And I was like, oh, you remember if you did coke. There's no forgetting it, even if you just did it once. And then I said, elaborate measures have to be enacted. You have to. First of all, my distinct recollection is you have to go to an asshole's house. You go to Denny's and spend the whole time barfing in the bathroom because you can't eat.

1:00:36 remember whether or not you have done it. Quaaludes. Yeah, that's not like saying, have you ever had a shot of wild turkey? Is that different shit? there's no more and then it's a sad time. That's always the sad part. coke, but the stimulants, any I'm like, well, how do you know? that they have the goodwill to not poison you. being the event of the season.

1:03:41 Yeah, just mix a little bit of quick in there What I was going to ask is, maybe it was robin might have been robin whoever the he did it with like a bunch of like maybe it was Robin might have been robbed Yeah, whoever the fuck he did it with but he would talk about how it was like other shit that the additives is what jack shoe i'm guessing yeah but i've never like if you went

1:05:18 It's part of their flavor. Like, lidocaine is like cocaine's autistic brother. Decreases bleeding and swelling. He's just like and you just that's how you did it thousands of years in South America but it rots the holy fuck out of your teeth because it's a mild stimulant, At precarious They don't snort it, they chew it You know, it's not cocaine. Like when you take sugar, like regular sugar

1:09:03 It can diminish your body's performance Your body your insulin levels get off fucking out of whack your body's like what is this? isn't that like the story? You know, I just read and the extracting of everything that's changed that have ruined all sorts of aspects of our world. And people still say it. And now I'm getting boring. Fuck. Salt's a key ingredient in human history.

1:11:08 you can take meat and I cover it in salt and fish especially you cover it in salt You could ship. But they didn't have refrigeration, right? So salt provided refrigeration for 10 000 zillion years it was But it kept. All of it has to be done on the day, right? There's a mountain in, is it Germany? Wow. There's two mountains, to us. And spices, right? The reason why Columbus

1:13:47 They finally came back with one three years later. They had to go all the way around the world to the East Indies. And that's why Portugal and Spain were such giant powers, the big spice. Dug out of the New World. You know, 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. That's not Now Europe becomes Europe and they all start fighting each other. And then human beings have been around just a small amount of time.

1:16:05 Dude, I need Periscope. I'm Periscoping Those guys who make their own axes and shit. you there's something really cool when armies about swords and spears I mean on paper pencils and sawing into the wood. But I watch some show about them making violins and the wood that they choose and the harmonics of the wood. You can't store it in a crappy place

1:18:53 thing you want is people like really warm and really tired yeah so you give and they can't make he was telling me that you can't make a really good guitar out of anything he makes mandolins whoa and and I'm like oh and he's no he's my friend I brought him along with this guy who makes your cue, but the I really do. These bricks are bullshit. And then they put a metal sheet up, and then they put the spackle in or whatever the fuck

1:22:09 if I owned this place. I agree. Like, if you could go to one of those Warren Buffett-owned grow rooms in Colorado with, like, five indoor acres. I just got back from Denver. The revenue is one thing, that don't want them to sell. Millions. Well, that's also what's going on with these asset forfeiture laws that are also being... If they pull you over and they go, why do you have $7,000 on you?

1:25:06 You took it and then you bought a fucking margarita machine with this Wow to give her give yourselves legal drugs You've got to close down. if that was your son that they stole from your pot place, She was awful. Yeah. the system being wrecked. Stealing $143 million They were hiring hookers. Yeah, blame for handling of agents' sex parties with hookers.

1:28:00 Was it Jared Polis was the representative of Colorado who was grilling her on what is more addictive marijuana or crystal meth? Yeah. And it's not like a mystery that pot's not bad for you. limit they have a they have an addiction to like pushing the limit like they want to just go just That's why a lady like that is really dangerous. The president or Eric Holder or whoever it is?

1:30:40 You just can't. Yeah, what the fuck? The state, that kind of revenue tide of society, and you see, you know, at one point in time, Shielding people from anything that might make uncomfortable right fat shaming And then Bruce Jenner goes on TV, There was a take of her like you're barking up the wrong tree bro hames What? Right. But he's a lesbian, too. But that's way better than having a mental. He's not gay be a woman and then he becomes a woman. Right.

1:34:20 Right. So, it's very... And, you know, At 65, anybody who fucks you is throwing you a bone. I get what I'm saying. And you don't even need an operation. All of a sudden, she's using the standard that I'm sure she wouldn't want to be judged by. person type. Right, right. No, you didn't even. that people will write blogs about Like, here was one. And there's a girl in a bikini who looks really hot.

1:37:15 No, actually, that's not true. And they have a lot of, you know, social anxiety. The acne cream was. That but that's not shaming. Okay, that is impressive. That's inspiring You know long legs and long arms and shit. I bet that freaks him the fuck out too Peter Dinklage. When Peter Dinklage sees a fucking Amber Crombie and Fitch ad with a dude with a six-pack,

1:39:02 It's not the mean. Here's the real fucking problem with that. Is it just protein? She's attractive. But I am. You know, that's just how that's life life hands you they had a statement. That's what I live off of. They're delicious. But when you eat them, you understand that tomatoes are really a fruit. between those and the Jersey beefsteak Yeah, right?

1:42:49 Like how much is involved in processing that and making food out of it? You say yucca. And they developed it. A potato is like a perfect vegetable, right? And what do we do with it? for like It's disgusting. corn. We grow a lot of different Strawberries tonight if you guys are up for it you're gonna steal water from the vana yeah i got a truck Isn't it low?

1:46:23 Are you from California? Well, in the late 70s, there was a huge drought in California. Yeah, the shoreline is so pulled up. Pull up pictures of Lake Travis in Austin, Texas. You hear the fucking, the frogs, crick, crick, crick, crick, crick. Your boat's in the sand. how to seed clouds on the water, you take the water back. The same thing they do So there's nothing left.

1:48:25 It is the craziest thing to look at from a satellite photo because they pump water into Lake Austin. They're like, fuck it. Power line above his house gonna kill him though. I was gonna say he built it underneath the a while ago and of course, whatever the fuck. Yeah, I think there's, like, actually... Imagine trying to watch TV and you hear the sound of that thing outside your house.

1:50:40 Especially with people that live underneath those. Your brake light's just a little glow and dimmed out. Somehow or another, you would be pulling your he was just going to make everything for free. But look at that. Those aren't good for you either. He like had a love affair like a look like he would talk about this pigeon like it was a woman that he loved and

1:53:04 Yeah. or Westinghouse, as you say. Well, you remember he used that fucking They did it in a big public place, too. Elephants, they seem to be really smart. But then you got to wonder what the fuck makes that elephant so mad so here they hit it with the electricity Like here it is right there. It's so nuts. 1903. with the elephant sliced it open eating an elephant

1:56:04 They seem to be like these like intense Underneath and whoa that's insane If only elephants shed their tusks, they'd be killing them all the time. Nobody got hurt. And you can take them and pick them up. Nobody got hurt. They grew that this year. Like the size of a door. over the course of like a month or so. Antlers actually get bigger so they can show bitch

1:59:11 went extinct yeah essentially extinct i mean there's one male left and two females the male To keep people from poaching them. So what? The difference between a ground squirrel painting and it was a very famous rhino and they turnedred it all around europe and then it finally croaked but 1514? He's kind of thrown in the feet and the way the scales work and everything.

2:02:05 And those are his... And people had elegant handwriting back then, too. Right, that's Latin. where they filmed these rhinos, course of like, you know, a few thousand years or a few hundred years even. They used to just run around. They're jungle rhinos. Do they? A frog. frogs don't just let you grab them. I know. Like, this is, like, they used to think that, like,

2:04:45 See? And it's crazy to watch, man. They have a cold-hearted bird-eating demeanor about them. Let's not. Is there anything you need to talk about other than the book that's fucking amazing and I That's my. All right, I'll keep it. I'm glad that you presume that a kitten makes you gay. Where can people buy this great? They can go. Thank you for asking, Mr. Joe Ogun. They can go on gregproops.com.

2:07:00 And, Greg Proops, See I put a heart in it too New York, Chicago, Philly, Seattle, Portland, San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco, What a gas, baby. balance it out, so she sent us a gay one. in the spirit of the thing. He's just being a silly goose. Thank you, scientist dude All right.