Joe Rogan Experience #667 — Kurt Metzger Transcript

Transcript

0:00 We are here live with Kurt Metzger, the president of the Donald Trump fan club. Did you hear about that? Oh, an ironic end for him. He was talking like a rich guy with no sense whatsoever what i mean like i would never put that on them if i got fired from something i would like to sue that they won't put a woman in his Like I saw I never know how to like I didn't call her on my show right and her she wants about her

2:36 Right. They have a great sense of community and family. But what you see down there, for real, is these incredibly restored, old 1950s American cars. Oh, I can finally film my 50s gang musical. What? It's weird, right? The embargo happened in the 60s. sure that's a 50s. Like a late oh that's cool well they're all cool but but they're driving them is like driving a living room. They're retarded

5:33 in the front seat and all the bras and everything Like, I'm insulted by it. oh, tits, okay, I'll buy a Fiat. That ain't for men. how far the slide has gone like oh you might look you might look in the train wreck way but yeah you're trying to get out? You don't have any obligation That's a very, when I was religious, that was our, and then I remember the Simpsons,

7:57 three nights a week. with bar and disrespect of like your elders so that's so i could hear the mothers i'm not like people from my church. I remember all of them That's fine. But that's the thing. Yeah, of course. of these they don't even know what the fuck these words mean and what constitutes that right and So that's not helping. And this game is to try to get the bad guy.

11:02 And then they find it. Please watch your language, sir. I'll listen to you. Oh, So the joke's like, through my whole Facebook and And made a collage out of it, which was Because I didn't realize that would spill over into my, you know, my day job. that he was getting attention that's how stupid I am I was like I have been offensive where's my The online trail.

14:50 And it's to this day from that. Anybody that can't see, you can't like read through that and go, wait, you didn't want them in the first place. tell anyone to do that. And by the way, I repeatedly, my fucking stupid fans, So for you to say to your friends, don't give her a hard time. I want to get whoever I can to come on my goddamn podcast, Yeah, yeah.

16:46 It was one of the best episodes. Uh-huh. Is it a pair? What is Upworthy? Is it, like, dig? yeah I hate that crap where it says something You know, celebrate diversity. That's too specific. rape obsession going on. Well, you're not going to look. Like I said, top Jamie. I get it. They just come out. But the only way to do it that makes any sense at all would be to somehow or another raise better kids.

20:43 but it could get stolen if I don't. This is seven things that have nothing to do with rape perfectly illustrate the concept of consent because double rape you he's movie raping you and real raping you. Yeah. He's a rape, rape, rapist. If anybody fucks you for a week, that guy deserves a trophy, first of all. The dude's fucking her for a week. Who is this message for?

22:13 Law & Order SVU. Right. Did you ever see that? Can we just stop? Yeah, they make money off of rape and murder on that show. Shit. That's the whatever the attitude is to work on is the whole key is everybody's got to report it when it happens any sort of crime by Cut it out, pedos. That would be a great ad. You need a hobby. If you're a pedophile, the human brain doesn't always work right i heard schizophrenia is kind of just a catch-all for a

25:59 Did you know that? Folks who take SSRIs, they don't know why these things help people. And you've got to figure out what the dosage is. kills anxiety, some of them, you know? Well, that was the argument for school shooters and things along those lines. me like nothing like my car could burst into flames whatever so that's creepy so if you had a desire to kill someone for some reason oh it wouldn't fuck with you the same way it would if

28:18 I mean, I guess it depends how much of that is just in you. Yeah. What history channel it was all about his doctor feel-good. Oh, he had a doctor feel-good That bomb really fucking turned that idea around. How about the one guy who escaped from Hiroshima and then went to Nagasaki and they dropped it on Nagasaki, too? need to drop anything like the japanese might have already been trying to surrender. And we're like, hey, not yet.

30:40 It's just always the same incompetence, dude. I would do anything. something happen, but she picked somebody nobody If someone's like, I'm geared towards like, a lot of people are like, all right, well, what's going to be the liberal or conservative position? that are suddenly a gospel that must be true and you must ignore all the fucking evidence Yeah, and uh But that's the thing she set out to find because she knew it to be true

33:08 church or whatever, why is there and they were judging people I'm talking about the kid who the kid is suing is the kid who the girl is walking about mattress girl because the friends of her were saying ended up where the guy that Her fake boyfriend. And this is an anti-rape group. I just don't want any cut and dry. Then the issue is, let's say, you know, you had to say, let's say you had to say you didn't get, you know, you know, the numbers for women who lie about rape that are used usually by feminist websites

36:35 what that what that is that's two out of a hundred if you look if you get right two percent is two Right. I'm not terrible at math, too. They're talking about 2%. 2% of these rape cases are falsely accused. account how good is this weed I'm smoking it's very suspicious to as rape? Of course not. But it doesn't mean that falsely accusing someone of rape is okay.

38:48 The real problem. Well, listen, let me ask you, You know, that's how you meet people And they sometimes try to make it as broad as possible. a big time producer anymore to get laid? That's, yeah. We cover everything up, It's like, we're just obsessed, obsessed with sex. Yeah, well, listen, this is how my girlfriend put it, that rape's just like a very primal form of dominance.

41:23 But the only way I think If people survive, that it won't kind of With the preppers win. but the dude that booked me or like the manager of the club, Bunker your way out of it If the second coming is coming, that means Jesus is going to take you. Well, if you believe the fucking Bible, by the way, it says not even the mountains will Jehovah's Witnesses, are those the ones that are not allowed to use doctors?

44:13 Yeah, yeah, that's your primary goal is to be ready for the end Did your parents grow up in it? I'm joining a cult. I don't know why people think you can, but you can't. That's the extent of your obligation. Like more than uh What kind of school did you go to? So it wasn't that super restrictive for me. So that was like a little foundation of it and then pussy later

47:08 I mean I was technically a minister I just don't remember He definitely mumbles I don't always listen. I just don't remember. They would study the Torah. Story a dinah did you have to study Bible shit when you're younger? The lessons are hilarious that were in there. And then this guy Shechem saw her and forced her to lie down with him. marry us fine we'll all get our dicks snipped. So while they

49:39 like, what did you just do to us? home so that's getting torn out of the fucking bible and so listen that's why what a patriot i They're really depressed people. Yeah. You don't need that many. Or the League. catholicism it's like what are youism. It's like, what are you when you are persecuted, You don't fucking... a lot of money by other Catholics who want to support Catholicism.

53:05 I don't know what the fuck they call it. It's a goddamn cult. And and then my personal thing is if I have to stay in it more for my mom or my dad So you have to face you know being shunned or something I was just fellowshiped right so that means like a lot of my form to reason that it might be horse shit? I gotta pick up. some jelly beans from this fucking bowl in the hotel lobby that's hilarious yeah

55:29 I don't owe that. 19. You're at the door. Like Paul said, you have to be, you know, like when you see people that just came out of a cult, there's a certain kind of innocence to them. They treat me like the weird James Woods from Casino that, for some reason, they can never get away from this loser. In college. six years but we were engaged but I didn't have a job like and I like refused to get a job the

57:37 And she liked it better when I didn't have money. I was like, wow. That's why people like, one thing about my girlfriend now, like I really, it kind of Like, so that kind of taught me to, because I met somebody that like, I really got along in a bad relationship. They chip away at that fucking. Home to where? I wish I could get shit like this there.

1:00:05 I wonder when that's going to be the entire country. And he was just talking to the cop. They told him to put his beer bag in the bag. The officer asked him to cool it a little bit. if you're not driving like you you could have it like in the back seat and then i i went to another And I don't know a bunch of people got killed and they didn't really have a strong

1:02:11 Yeah, drunk is the worst. And if you try to avoid them, you're the asshole. Get an eight ball and even out like a gentleman. those bags of you get a fucking 40 ounce of old english you ever try that stuff yeah yeah it's No. That's real? We were drinking those. Let's find out. Steel Reserve. Huh, it's like heartburn to me. I would have thought King Cobra would be off the charts.

1:05:53 I would have thought it would be more, too. Was it? Camo Black Ice. We need to get some of that. I can't help it. Six? I have a strong reaction to them. approach that a lot of people are taking I don't mind, like, if it's a little more challenge to get my jokes over. The Sopranos is a legitimate art form. I was a kid when he's out and I remember not knowing that that was a character

1:09:07 That movie's great, Ford Fairlane. Well, they can blackball you. I think that's a... and it's Rick Rubin I've never heard that. which is, you know, one of the dingiest little clubs in New York City. that were hanging around there that Fuck, she was a host there. She told me how to get health insurance if you couldn't. pounds he was fucking enormous just a big dick fucking tank of a guy and he would literally grab

1:11:59 And like you would kill. Yeah. are you around for once? That's a magic room. I do. and then uh from that place that's funny Fuck, yeah. I mean, you mean in person, right? to be on too many shows. I'm never doing that again. The summer is great. Everybody in Stephen King books, that's all based on Maine. Really? Yeah, why? That's how they do. Well, since 1994

1:16:16 shit's been that's just as strong as the shit you're getting today. Just pissed on it. And north of that is this incredible fucking city. It's nuts What are we doing around here? Estonia. You're doing the Comic had these giant ceilings because it was like a bank oh right and you're but you were on stage infested lettuce but um Montreal if you go like if it's counterintuitive because

1:19:06 You have a good time in Toronto, too. But they're Canadian, so their attention span is just longer. On the hour? But if you listen to the joke, it's clearly a pro-gay marriage joke. Like, he watches your holes. Yeah. It was so shocking that it happened, I wasn't mad. Especially not in satire. Because they all think they can do it. Right. Well, it seems easier than it really is.

1:22:21 Yeah, I thought that. There's an art to do. know the people that think that would be easy to keep a conversation going I've never done it He's in all these 80s movies. Taylor Negron. He would just wait for his part to jump in, and then he had something funny and interesting to say. i only met him like briefly but like i really liked him and i really wanted to come back

1:24:45 tubes what is it I mean there's something that goes across the ocean But if you ask the average person who uses the internet to put up Instagram pics of their ass, Well, Snapchat does, but Instagram, There's something about a girl who's like really spiritual that still wants to fuck guys get very excited plus I think it's important You're a part of the problem

1:26:32 You're cisgendered. Isn't it easy to go that full circle to like trying That's the entire sense of humor they have, too. Yeah, for, like, eye-rolling. Yeah. That big audience for that. Yeah, for like eye-rolling. That is really fucking great. Are you talking to five-year-olds? Here's something I found out about that you need to make a real drug with that drug

1:29:20 Or one of something he was on. Oh, well. But it was mainly that one girl whose name I don't mention. know like like we weren't supposed to stumble That's actively, you're supposed to do that. Okay. So these people have the same thing, Does anybody really say that? Condescending that is I think he's funny too. Like I'm not against him, but that's the most that's that's how they think

1:32:28 I don't think anyone switched their vote because they saw jokes about... ideology... It's the same as these lefties. Like, you wouldn't make it out to vote. I'd be willing to bet you didn't make it out to vote He was socially retarded who fought for the right, and he got full of shit okay the people that are really doing it are the extreme ones. It's not a part-time thing

1:34:30 So they think they're those few that are on the cramped road, much like a virgin butthole should be. dude, you were not under that law anymore. It's like the exact opposite of being Christian, You don't have the woman leaves you or whatever. slavery we had. And because we have the one true God. But well like I'm not supposed to judge Moses for his shitty shit, right?

1:36:49 Yeah, but that's his, like, compromising to try to make, it's like his Obamacare. right? Or that the civil war is not about slavery. We've been beaten and they're gonna be just like us and they're gonna be fucking our kids It's a very simple fucking thing. Right. for free and they would like to be paid and you want to keep paying that would have just ended on

1:38:58 If I'm a slave, if I'm ever a slave, by all means, kill half a million Southerners until I'm free. thing. It's like, what exactly are you proud when I was growing up. You couldn't? No. That's getting involved in neutral in all politics. If you're a Jehovah's Witness, I don't even understand flags. You know, I couldn't salute the flag when I was growing up.

1:39:53 Yeah, I don't give a shit what Satan's system of things does. it's gross just by way of all all definitions that are like confining like if you can find And they're like, hey, what's up, brother? Go right. English, but if their kids learn English or something. You I mean well that's not an erasure on yeah but why would i not come here and try to get a job if i needed one why would i not that's just a radical

1:41:55 But it's such an eternal argument, man. they kind of just live like TV sitcom people. Oh, yeah, I like how you lean back. I'm not gonna hear it though in your ears. You must know Oh They gave me a, you've seen that one. And you had to refill it, though, every, like, ten hits or something. Oh, my God. Brian, how long have you been off now? Yeah, I'm just bored. Yeah, but do you think you're

1:44:01 Yeah, I was up to two packs also. is when I start smoking. Right. Are you at the improv today? No, no, I'm off until Thursday. I'm doing the store Thursday Friday and Saturday He's an ex-Joe of his witness, too, the owner. When did it go under? You get a lot of listeners right? Beautiful Yeah, man, I've been wanting to come on for a while. The last episode came out as one of our better ones.

1:46:07 Remember that podcast that we did? So hard to listen to. prank video? No. on a plane. How do we do it? Listen, Tom Segura and Christina Pazitsky I've done Kill Tony, Brian's live. See ya. Bye.