Joe Rogan Experience #676 — Esther Ku Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Fresh back from her lion hunting safari in Africa. Some dude killed a loved lion that had a GPS collar. Because he didn't want people to know that he killed this lion that was a protected lion. What was he going to do with the lion? Oh, my God. You know, we talked about Big Cat Derek the other day. We should go to Texas. I want to know the two guys that dragged it out,

2:17 to the people that live there. Oh, yeah. And cats. Have you ever seen the video of two giraffes fighting? They use their head like a whip. Like here it is. I whip my neck back and forth. So it'll look cool. It's kind of cool Bizarre. that kind of hooved animal. Yeah. But yeah, you came here on Lion Day. No one really knows 100% for sure, but it's like the LA Times has it.

6:31 Every day he follows me. Where's that? Where in Boston? I know. Guy got mad at me there. The audience was laughing hard, though. I wish I could remember what it was, No, he was not bigger than me. you shouldn't be enjoying this because I don't like it. or like if, people they're not alive they would like to present that sex doesn't exist because And that's like New England, like that Boston area.

9:13 It's a liberal town, a Democrat town. Well, it's a good spot to start. You can make so much money if you grew the club, because yeah, it's been there for a while. How the fuck but... I forget his name. I want to say he's Iranian. Yeah, from that spot. When did you start doing stand-up? I was a sales rep. You know, it's not really that hard to do. I'm pretty sure I could do that.

11:40 Am I doing it? No, you're doing it wrong. But you have to place it here my fingers are too Yes, I have bought pens. I'm not loyal to one pen store. Throw pizza parties for them if they sold the most pens that week out of like our competitors' pens. fucking trailblazer when it snows like they wanted to like get rid of me because i didn't want to get

14:06 like that whole all those little route 99 yeah i went to albany route one in saugus you know Tony V's hilarious. Yeah. And I say, this is what I'm doing. When I drive, I just say, this is what I'm doing. Jesus Christ, why'd you pick that? That are monsters Texas girls, those are some solid girls, right? If you want to buy pills. I find coke, yeah. You're so funny.

17:05 I'm like, I don't do that. Wait, why would you turn down Coke? It just makes you twitch and like not It makes you stay up so late. Ecstasy right like a new mood take a shitload of new mood before you go to bed just see like vitamin C and like I I'm just having a few a day now type thing. books so much that the whole time So you can't read a book because you can't concentrate enough to read a book?

19:33 give your eyes a break. Jesus. They're creating some artificial lens for the human eye But there was some talk about it. It sounds like a great idea if that's what it does. this the implant what does it say it says read it uh b BC optometrist sees way for a bionic lens implant. and they fly these planes overhead, and drives off. Let's find out where the car goes. And they just follow the car. So they have all

22:23 couldn't work because of this but we have footage of you at home it just gets weird it gets weird when someone can But I don't think you're going to save that kid by not having it in their skin. Well, other than that, my intentions are completely altruistic. moot point because there's going to be and then just know that person's whole credit card number.

23:59 They used that eye in the sky thing in Juarez to catch this man who had killed this female police officer How does that eye in the sky deal with clouds? That's a good point. Like it's already choked. This is perfect. So she thought she better leave the body. And then he also has large amounts of cash everywhere. Millions? That's what they're saying. He's been there forever. They go into his house. He has millions of dollars worth of guns.

26:44 So it doesn't look like he's like was... Maybe that should be a red flag. it on the bottom. It's a snorkel. It goes out Toyota Land Cruisers, a lot of times they hook those up with them. But what's weird is that they haven't really released a picture of him or any news, That guy sounds like his nose is clogged up. And other wild stories that the man was a secret government agent and possibly part

29:07 I first thought she was crazy. trying to keep him alive. they, whatever they is, would take care of the body. Braun says when police searched the house, they found 1,200 guns, This is actually on the news. It's so stupid that all you have to do is have some guns and some cash and a stupid story, and you'll make the news. And because of that, everybody's getting crazy.

31:39 And he had ammo for all these weapons. met anybody with a last name Lash? Lash on thousands of firearms, 14 specially equipped cars, He's probably one of those preppers. He's going to play him. I'll be bloated cook dead guy number two for the car scene. Yeah. I don't even know what it was about. I get up and fucking walk. Horrible. It's just not good They're just not good

34:28 With the high energy. stylistically a very cool movie. And I love that dude. They get you with the poster, though. Oh, it's stylistically a very cool movie. But it never goes that way. Being a talking head. Yeah? Really? That's racist, right? No diversity on Girl Code? No, they'd be like boners. Boners. You know? Or like Kanye West getting married to Kim Kardashian. No, like boners.

36:57 Hold on, one question at a time, please. what you're talking about. How many times a day or something like that and they give you time to write? Well, that's kind of common on those cable shows Right. Yeah. Like Byron Allen. No, it's all forced. Johnny Carson. Because that's who he You have to have a fucking desk and That's literally how we would be doing the show.

40:33 Who do you want to say? Late Night Talk Show, Wikipedia. Ed Sullivan. I had no idea. To doing the math. 23, Michael Jordan. Hmm the show created many modern talk show staples. They didn't have to wake up. So this says that Steve Allen created it all. Huh. Exactly. I know, it's a rip off. Man, having a two-year-old is tough, Byron. and his name is Frank Zappa.

44:51 Guitar, vibes, bass, and drums. and when it goes around, it makes that noise, and you're playing a bicycle then. I understand you drove a bicycle. Does Louis know what you're doing with him? That's what they did. They had to do it back and forth. Are you talking to me? Frank Zappa was weird I listened to Zappa way before that, Those guys are freaks.

47:56 Because this was the 1970s. So when I was a young pothead, field of sound like when you have the headphones on they go left and right and right and left Like the shit like, you know that long pause in Whole Lotta Love where everything gets really weird. and weird delays would happen, sort of like that. on another part of the song Accidents would just happen.

49:46 Esther Cooley learns new shit every day. Like magazine ads from the 50s are so cute. Selling to the housewives in the 50s. Not just uneducated. But they knew how to do laundry and get grease out of aprons and shit. Bake lemon meringue pie. Curry carrot soup? And you've got soup. You cook lamb? You cook lamb. I mean, it is. I guess you forget that it's

52:29 The smaller the brain, the less we care about them, I think. Really? Like, you know that mousse that I cooked the other day that I had on my Instagram? Yeah, it's not that hot and it just stays going all day and it breaks down all the tissue A little gamey. No. Yeah no yeah no it's not gamey that word gamey is a weird word what is that what's not usually it means it's just been poorly prepared that someone either

54:26 It'll make the food taste weird. If you have deer that's prepared right, if you get an animal that's taken care of correctly, You want a young deer. Eight years old is really old. Aw. In some places, for sure. Yeah. driving home and the car in front of him hit a deer car in front of him hit a deer the deer went of bones Wow. In places where people live when they run into deer so often, they actually have bumpers that ever see those bumpers that they make just for deer in places where people live when they run into deer so often they actually have bumpers that are designed to they're like the

58:48 That's fucked up. It's over the top of the hood and everything as well. Wow. Because I'm not going to want to do that. You could call a tow truck company. I think the people that don't live anywhere around those animals would never imagine that there's 49,000 car accidents in a year in a fucking state where cars hit deer. They're waiting and they're letting Donald just jizz

1:00:37 You know, if you're, if you're enjoying, what he's trying to do is trying to not be president. by like saying, if you're smoking pot And a lot of this is attributed to marijuana. But no, that's slob. percentage? We would never let that happen. i don't think big guys have big dicks someone knows more than we do oh is that your ratio Oh, that's cute.

1:03:04 everything's proportional to most parts. And you're projecting it on that date black girls. that's a actual stereotype. have little dicks, Maybe. Till Saturday. What is the comedy union? Oh, you do black rooms. It's just, yeah. You know? It's just, you feel like you're just like riding waves of laughter you know Because Martin Lawrence in the 1990s was a fucking monster.

1:06:14 He was like dehydrated. Remember, he was at the store a few weeks ago. Damn. He got banned for some of the things that he said. Remember they banned Dice Clay for deuce jokes? He's just trying to be a respectable record store guy. listen to radio when I was a kid, DJs were And he was a DJ for the That's him? He was a lot older than that. the Carpenters. I thought it was

1:09:02 couple months or something like that, someone would be playing Whole Lotta Love or whatever, Yelling at them, All the windows rolled up solid tight and he's just living as a little kid in this house filled with chain Like, Johnny Carson used to smoke cigarettes. a mask you know how about you don't smoke weed in front of you how about you have an edible or

1:11:05 Yeah, exactly. We always used to clam bake growing up. We believed it growing up. I like how it McNeil is drunk Right to bear arms. or naval forces or militia. That's what it is. non-gender specific person? See if he came back to life again. And then they decide whether or not you're guilty. You can, because you kind of have the court of your own life.

1:14:20 There's no fifth in this house. Fifth. falls down pretends he's blacking out. take him out of there It must be. Just, I can't breathe. Oh, what a great idea. Yeah, because And if there's no handrail, hold on to the wall or a person. I was running around and I was just falling down and breaking things. i'm gonna walk slow and no stairs house because and keep away from tall guys because they might

1:17:34 I almost fall in my tub. And breaking ribs is a bummer. You ever broken a rib? No, I haven't broken anything. Me neither. I broke ribs, shit. Ribs. Yeah, you can get fucked up. And breaking ribs is a bummer. But I've also broken the cartilage in between the ribs at least six or seven times. what happens is you get kicked really hard and they separate.

1:18:31 This is before I was smoking weed. exercise. He would gain weight. Yeah, yeah, I'd rather have the pain the pain of getting a broken rib No, like a few years ago. I was walking to a show, and I blame this purse that I bought. It was in Bushwick, on, like, near the Grand Street L stop. And there's a bunch of art studios and stuff there. it was like a super 70s apartment. And I was like looking at them. I didn't know where I,

1:21:25 They got scared probably because I screamed really loudly. got hit. why they were doing it some like they say that there's like a They just kept saying that like nothing else happened to me, you know? Why are you looking at Brian? What do you weigh, 100 pounds? Yeah I'm amazed It. Oh, wow. And the guy he was working with killed a guy accidentally. They could die.

1:24:53 of consciousness. Wasn't the same for six months. Couldn't go outside. Couldn't see We had a guy on yesterday who was talking about his friend who was in her 40s, my friend Keurig. Permanently fucked. her brain so dogs are supposed to help like you know they help some things ptsd and stuff but I said, then, like, I said, well... if I just met her any other way

1:27:00 like mixed up her And then a few weeks after that comedy show where I met her, I saw on the front page of And you're like, yeah, I'll stick around with her. She was so... appreciative of like she was having a great time wow and i was like you know there's no reason that is just doomed from then on yeah my friend's going through it right now and i was trying to talk to

1:29:50 and failures or losing jobs or, you know, being depressed and unemployable. Or, you know, there's next day fuck you stupid i'm doing it right how's your arm sore for nothing i think that there's years, and then what? And then I had Olive Garden in bed. leave your house. Do that? Well, there's a lot games or playing videos. a waste of time. Meanwhile, he's had and had

1:32:19 Like, if someone really loves cars, like, say if you're, like, a guy who, like, loves vintage cars and you just want, filled with Ferraris and this guy was just obsessed with Ferraris he's just a rich guy who loved and Who cares? It's like, why do we get... They don't have time. Yeah, definitely. The same way you assume Yogi Bear is going to try to take your picnic basket and not eat your kids.

1:34:56 And then everybody on his dorm floor was like, Maybe he's just really good at collecting shit. Whoa. Yeah. Why were you freaky? Because? No, he was like regular. I was freakier than him. Whoa. No. Well, it sounds like he's really, you need to find a better dude. like yeah real woman and once he came once like whoo I'm done I'm fucking know romantic comedies or you know magazines or whatever do romantic comedies to get mad they're romantic comedies or, you know, magazines or whatever. Do romantic comedies get mad?

1:37:01 And I would, like, make a big fight. Girls get mad at you? to the point of, like, I think when I was younger, I was taught to like think that it's, you know, you're supposed It's just, it's still change though isn't it it's starting to change all across the country people becoming more and Yeah. I would like Xerox copy like sex cartoons and put them in my planner.

1:39:37 think those were funny. By just being inappropriate? He changed the whole schedule. What are you talking about? Where are you making this up from? Earlier, she said me. Oh, you never Did I turn Italian too? Do you follow? Are you following You don't seem like someone gets in fights. Yeah. Uh-huh. It was mobbed. money. It's too crowded the morning everybody's going home it's perfect it's perfect and it's monstrously funny that's

1:43:15 S-E-W-I-N-G call upon you don't have to have like a bunch of credits to your name. You can just be a local comic who is down on their luck. Like roast battle is one of the cool, It's one of the best things ever of both of those shows. It's great for them. You should be on it as a host or as a judge, rather. A comic, working comic. Right. Wow. All of her sets. A brand new minute every week.

1:46:13 It was amazing. Oh, it was ruthless. So she tried she tried she went after him and she got him with some good ones, too You don't have to be in L.A. And it's all just because this joke was, it killed so hard that they act up and get crazy There's no place like this. They did it at the festival. dude and just a good comic he's gonna be great that kid's gonna be giant verbal violence available

1:48:34 What happened to them? Move to California. So I wanted to start a podcast, and I have Well, that's not going to work out and signing paperwork and stuff. is pregnant and I know to fucking jet listen bitch i'm, I'm moving to Jamaica. it makes sense is if you have children. Or if one person the non-baby alimony. Forever ever? Forever ever. you for a certain amount of time. But this is

1:52:05 And he's just like, God damn it, I can't do this anymore. And he doesn't know what to do. is in a scenario where the man pays for everything and she doesn't have a job well the man has to pay They come to some sort of agreement. So she keeps fighting it. She walked a little dog around Pacific Palisades. Then, after it's all over, he lost his house, so she lives in this beautiful house that's

1:54:19 Why would he live in his fucking shitty house when they can live in this beautiful house puts it in a fucking U-Haul, Because if this guy and her marry, the gravy train stops. And sending them off in the mail. good lawyers that can manipulate It's not good enough. And they can't force them to get married. He didn't rob anybody. He didn't, but he's become a victim of a legal system. And this

1:56:50 And they weren't married for 12 years. And he's a wealthy man. Don't get me wrong. He's done very well. But he works for a million. I think it's not just hundreds of thousands. I think it's many, many hundreds of thousands. And he's a wealthy man. Don't get and he's a fucking workhorse, this years. You are not going to do this. Did he do it? No, he didn't. He got a prenup. He got a very

1:58:12 I want that fucking money. That's the thing that's really crazy It's over. You know, like, get out of here. It's scary as fuck. So they know that all they have to do is stretch this dance out. freaking the fuck out just he doesn't believe in relationships yeah the times that the women are paying alimony how rare are those them move along to like a more prosperous future without them there's nothing wrong with that but

2:01:34 400, over 400,000 people in the United States receiving post-divorce spousal maintenance. No way. ladies. Puts a strap on They do little things. kid is the same age as my kids. They're the nicest, friendliest people. One of the reasons why the kid's fine is because we live in California. more Have you seen him her her sorry Jesus Christ you misgendered you can't miss gender. It's super bad

2:04:40 Because if you call me a she, guess what? You like guys like hey guys like there could be like right four girls and a guy you know dumb. Yeah, but you know what I'm Yeah, what is that? How is that? next to each other and all pee at the same time that I just got so jealous I Yeah, so you can go camping. A pile of leaves Did you enjoy it? I didn't. There's a lot of numbers. I know. I was surprised that everybody just left all their stuff

2:08:04 That's a big problem you lock it up one of those things they're sleeping in a tent campground that's hard to get to. You take a ferry You can't even get to it unless you take a ferry. And they're still around. But when I do it in studio, you sit down there with Kevin, No, you don't see him. No, because it's like an ISDN line, so the delay is so minuscule.

2:10:02 You know, it's like an internet lag. kind of weird me out. Yeah. There's this place in San Diego that's like that I went to where you take a ferry over That's like Dick Cheney's got a house out there. What's it called? remember the story no yeah you know the story yeah do you know about it do you know how it goes i Murder. The death of Rebecca Zahao.

2:11:58 Oh, this is what happened. How'd the lawsuit play out? family sued and won and that's why he had like go bankrupt and his Heisman staircase and just died accidentally she just probably wasn't paying attention But who knows what happened? A nude body of Zaha who was found bound and hanging from a balcony at the famous Speckled Mansion in Coronado. A cryptic message written in black paint was found just outside the second story room in the house which read,

2:14:50 Amended lawsuit. 10 million dollar claiming um lawsuits claiming rebecca zahaus this is why i'm saying it weird Right, I remember because with the autopsy, it couldn't have been a suicide. She might have been evil. the document goes on to claim that the trio struck i love you i hug you i know how one day How do you know who's going to kill you? And then when she killed the kid she might have pushed the kid who knows people are assholes

2:17:36 Two year old and Jamie The escalator? float and just sitting there going and it is the creepiest coolest video well babies are really fat mixed with the baby knowing what it's doing. This is not even a two-year-old. So the baby jumped in the water, kicks. No, I think this is just his little pajamas. I get the video, dude. Go See? They don't even need a bathing suit.

2:20:38 Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. No, some boy. That person might be listening. Alcohol and water, man. know you know whenever i think about alcohol and pools you know what i think about those images He's the guy who directed. Is this not from Ripped Buckles? That's what it is. and you said something to an audience member Helicopter. and Dom Barris all For what?

2:24:00 And he brought you on stage? Well, I guarantee you he was playing. I know. It was like five years ago. And then they see him five times and they go, oh, I get it. You know, he was the audience warmup guy, but if you didn't know who he was and at the I hated you. Yeah. Guys will say shit like that to girls just to knock them down a peg. I'm not going to throw punches, but...

2:26:44 It's weird. Yeah. Write it down. What are those things called? High quality videos. It's so great. Or Bada Dildo. You know, I've never gotten a dick pic on Twitter Oh prepare yourself for a tsunami of man Like a buttocks. Right? You can listen to this and watch this on YouTube, and you can catch Esther all around the fucking I do, funnycoo.com. I remember it.

2:30:04 I am going to get a fucking limousine because I ain't driving. I'll be 48 in August. I was thinking 43. Yeah. parts aren't working correctly. You know, Steroids can fix things. And then while you're working out, you're not feeling any pain. He just like was too tough for his own body. from their menstrual blood and stores it? And the idea of not using them, to me, is more fucked up than using them.

2:33:01 I'd work out, it would get swollen. to last like, it's supposed to be like six to eight weeks to when you feel the real impact. Because it's a small amount. I have a cadaver joint. from an Achilles tendon do you have two new inner voices that are new I think If my shoulder does not get any better and stays right here and doesn't get any worse, Something's going on in there.

2:36:05 No, this company went bankrupt or not bankrupt, but they said enough people didn't get it. What are you talking about? No, you pay for it. You've got to stop what you're doing. I talked to that writer that was in here. It's so scary to be close to someone and care about vapor cigarettes. Just go to vapor cigarettes and just tell yourself you can't smoke cigarettes.

2:37:38 Oh, I know I can do it. Weed? Do you think I forgot? Cool human being. Really sweet, sweet setup in that spot with the great Dean Del Rey. Oh, yeah, they do. Maybe I could get sponsored by pens. No. Donuts. A bigger company? Yeah, because Dean has motorcycles. Let's talk about it. Again, E-S-T-H-E-R-K-U on Twitter. Why isn't it there? When I get that PMS

2:41:20 I wanna know